<we cut immediately to the back of the arena where an OOWF courier approaches Firewoman and sees her stretching and preparing for her Onslaught Championship match tonight>
C: Uh, Ms. Firewoman?
FW: <not even looking up> Not now, I’m busy
C: Uhhhh, but this is really rather urgent
FW: It can wait
C: I…..I’m afraid it can’t, both of them want to see you immediately
FW:<finally stopping and looking at the trembling courier> both of WHO want to see me?
C: Uhh GM the Rick, and LJ Bennett, they both asked for me to come get you
FW:<slowly standing up> That’s right. Great timing by those two. Fine. Where are we going first?
C: Ummm, well, they are both in GM the Rick’s office
FW: WHAT? Wait, they are together? And both want to see me? What the hell is this about? I have a match to get ready for!
C: P-p-please, I just deliver the messages
<Fire smiles slightly and digs in her pocket and pulls out a wad of bills and stuffs them in the courier’s hand and almost gives a smile as she walks past. An Invisible Ninja Cameraman follows Fire down the hall to GM the Rick’s office where Fire enters without knocking>
FW: Ok what the hell is going on? I have a title match to get ready for, and I don’t need these kind of distractions. And what the hell are you two doing together?
GMtR: Fire, please, have a seat, we can get to all of that.
LJB: To answer one of your questions, Rick and I have been instructed to take care of a certain………matter as soon as possible
<Fire sits in the chair, clearly not comfortable>
GMtR: Fire, we appreciate the delicateness of your…….situation, and we respect your desire as an athlete and your skill as a wrestler….
LJB: But you have to understand the position you are putting US in by insisting on continuing with your career
GMtR: The Board of Directors feels it would be in your best interests if you took a paid leave of absences until…..err…..until your situation is taken care of
LJB: The OOWF will take care of any medical bills incurred, and when you are ready, your spot on the roster will be waiting
<Fire appears to be considering this for a moment>
GMtR: Excellent, we can get you a flight, wait? No?
LJB: Ms. Fire, I hope you know what your refusal to cooperate could mean….
FW: Termination? No. Come on boys, you know damn well you cannot fire me because of my…….predicament. That would entail one hell of a lawsuit don’t you think?
GMtR: Well, we really have no other choice, we are responsible should something happen….
LJB: There IS one other alternative I suppose
<Bennett produces a piece of paper from his coat pocket and presents it to Firewoman>
LJB: This is a complete waiver. If you sign this, you waive all responsibility by the OOWF and those employed by the OOWF should something happen. Really Fire, this is the only way we can do things.
FW: I am not signing that……….
FW: ………I am not signing that UNLESS
LJB: Unless what?
FW: Unless you reinstate Lucky
LJB: Reinstate him?!?!?! Forget it
FW: Fine, then whatever happens is on your hands
<Fire gets up and heads to toward the door>
LJB: WAIT! Wait just a second…….look, couldn’t we offer you something else? A bonus, vacation time, something like that?
FW: No, I think I need Lucky’s around, he is a very sensitive person. Yeah, I want Lucky back, he will be a very comforting help during these……difficult times.
<The three engage in a stare down, no one saying a word, finally Fire starts toward the door once again, finally Bennett breaks the silence>
LJB: FINE! Ok, if you sign this, I will reinstate Lucky.
FW: That sparkles with me <Fire walks over and signs the waiver on Rick’s desk and hands it to Bennett who gives it the quick once over>
GMtR: Now, at some point soon, you will have to see the OOWF Medical Staff so they can, uhhh, confirm your condition
FW: Fine, I will. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a title match to prepare for
GMtR: Uh, yeah, about that
FW: WHAT about that?
GMtR: Well, given your…….condition, Attitude Adjuster refused to defend the title against you for fear of being responsible for possible injuries incurred during the match
FW: Well, ok fine, you have the waiver, now just change it to a title match
LJB: I am afraid we can’t do that either. The champion has a clause in his contract saying that in one instance per 90 days as champion he can invoke a clause that states he cannot be forced to defend his title with less than 24 hours notice. He knew we were trying to get you to sign the waiver which would absolve him of any responsibility, however, he also knew that we wouldn’t be able to get it until the beginning of the show.
FW: So, because he doesn’t have 24 hour notice, that weasel gets out of defending the title against me?
LJB: I am afraid so
FW: That DOES NOT sparkle with me
GMtR: We can, however, give you a non-title match.
<Fire stews for a moment, then looks at Rick and Bennett>
FW: I’ll take it
<Fire storms out of the room>
TYTAN vs. SPIN HANSEN – Tournament Royal Finals
Tytan and Spin both make their way to the ring, testing the ropes and loosening up while the official announcements are made. Just before the referee is about to start the match, however, a figure in a black hood makes his way to the top of the ramp and just stands there. Both Tytan and Spin notice him, then give each other an odd look when they see each other nod to the mysterious man. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The two big men slowly circle then lock up. It’s like two bulls in the center of the ring, both men push with everything they have, but neither budges an inch. Finally they break the lock up, and Spin hits the ropes and tries a shoulder block, but Tytan doesn’t move. Tytan then hits the ropes and tries a shoulder block of his own, but Spin drops to the mat and Tytan steps over him and rebounds off the opposite ropes. On the rebound Spin connects with a DROPKICK to Tytan’s face! Who knew the big man could fly? Tytan hits the mat, clearly more stunned than hurt, and Spin quickly gets to his feet and catches Tytan with a kick to the face that sends him to the mat. Spin pulls Tytan to a sitting position and gives him the Curt Hennig neck snap, then covers, but Tytan kicks out at one. Spin pulls Tytan up and shoves him into the corner and blisters him with chops, but Tytan fights back with forearms to the side of the head, it quickly breaks down into a slug fest and both men tumble between the ropes to the floor. On the outside, Spin gets to his feet first and waits for Tytan to get up, when he does, Spin charges for a spear, but Tytan side steps and Spin slams into the stairs shoulder and head first. Tytan pulls Spin up and we see Spin has a gash above his ear that is gushing blood down the side of his head. Tytan hammers Spin on the side of the head, messing up his equilibrium. Spin staggers a few steps and falls to one knee. Tytan grabs him and fires him back into the ring, climbs in afterward and drops an elbow across his chest and covers for a two count. Tytan pulls Spin up to his feet, and Spin is still a little woozy, overcompensating for his lack of balance with a couple of wild swings. Tytan grabs Spin and hauls him onto his shoulders and gives him an airplane spin, spinning for several seconds before drilling Spin with an F5! Spin is in trouble and grabs his head, he kind of looks like he might be sick. Tytan tries to get to his feet and cover, but the airplane spin has thrown his balance off as well. Tytan finally gets orientates and falls across Spin and gets the one, two, thre….NO! Spin rolls his shoulder just before the three count! Tytan looks a little frustrated, but quickly puts that aside and pulls Spin to his feet and scoops him up and slams him to the mat, then drops a fist between his eyes. Another cover gets another two count. Tytan pulls Spin to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes, but Spin reverses it and catches Tytan with a short clothesline that sends him staggering into the corner. Spin clears his head enough to charge, but Tytan was playing possum a bit and moves out of the way. Spin crashes into the corner and Tytan lifts him and sets him on the top rope and climbs up behind him and hits the CRASH AND BURN!! Spin is folded in half! Tytan lands awkwardly on his shoulder and neck as well, so it takes him a moment to crawl across the ring and hook the leg and cover, one, two, NO! Once again Spin kicks out! How the hell is he doing it? Both men remain down on the canvas, Spin uses the ropes to pull himself up, and he falls into the corner. Tytan gets up and charges into the corner, but Spin gets a boot up catching Tytan right in the jaw. Tytan staggers but does not go down. Spin grabs him and takes a few steps out of the corner, then falls backward, SNAKE EYES! Tytan’s head snaps off the top turnbuckle and he falls to the mat dazed. Spin covers, and gets a two count before Tytan reaches out and grabs the ropes. While Spin is getting to his feet, Tytan rolls out of the ring onto the apron. Spin bounds off the ropes and catches Tytan with a clothesline to the back of the head that sends him face first into the ring post, then to the floor. By the time the camera catches up with Tytan, we see that he has been split wide open. Spin climbs out of the ring and leaps off the apron landing right on Tytan and smashing him in the face with a double sledge! Tytan is stunned as Spin pulls him to his feet and rolls him under the bottom rope. Spin climbs to the top rope and waits for Tytan to struggle to his feet and leaps nearly decapitating Tytan with a clothesline. Spin covers, one, two, thre…NO! Now it is Spin’s turn to show some frustration. He pulls Tytan to his feet and sends him to the ropes and tries a belly to belly suplex on the rebound, but Tytan blocks it and repeatedly head butts Spin in the face forcing the break. Tytan staggers back a few steps and hits a SUPERKICK on Spin that sends him to the ropes. On the rebound, Tytan catches Spin and military presses him, but Spin wiggles free and lands behind Tytan and spins him around and scoops him up for the Hellevator, but Tytan slips over his shoulder, spins Spin around and buries a knee into his gut, then quickly hauls him up and hits the STEINER SCREWDRIVER! Tytan covers, hooking Spin’s leg HARD and just BARELY gets the three count! WINNER in 24:28 – Tytan – Spin Hansen gets a World Title shot tonight
After the match, both men struggle to their feet and go nose to nose. The mysterious man in the black hood slowly makes his way to ring side. Both Spin and Tytan notice him and repeatedly look from him to one another. Then Tytan extends his hand and Spin gives it a shake, never taking his eyes off the man in the black hood. The man in the hood slowly walks to the back, and it is not until he disappears that Spin and Tytan leave the ring
DEAD & BLITZ vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS
The Cape Town Cannibals enter the ring first. The warm up briefly and discuss strategy as Dead and Blitz make their way down the aisle. Dead and Blitz slide into the ring and the CTC attack. WWE stomps away at Blitz, while TNA goes after Dead. The CTC back their opponents into opposite corners and hit stereo Irish whips, but Blitz goes high with a flying forearm on TNA while Dead somersaults under him and rolls through into a clothesline on WWE. Dead pitches WWE out through the ropes and goes to his corner, allowing referee Angelo Barros to call for the bell. Blitz pulls TNA to his feet and pounds on him with punches and kicks, finishing with a Shining Wizard. TNA stumbles out of the corner and, before he can fall, Blitz grabs him and runs him face-first into his corner. Blitz tags Dead, then pins TNA’s arms back as Dead comes off the second turnbuckle with a chop to the head. TNA collapses, and Dead grabs his arms and hits the Curb stomp. He rolls TNA over and hooks the leg, but WWE breaks it up at two. Before WWE can retreat, Blitz levels him with a springboard dropkick. Blitz and dead sling WWE into the ropes and elevate him out to the floor with a tandem backdrop, then give TNA the same treatment and hit a Flapjack. Blitz sees WWE getting up and hits the ropes, diving to the outside and slamming WWE into the railing. Inside the ring, Dead lines TNA up as he gets to his feet. Dead Closes the Casket, and TNA slams back into the turnbuckles. Dead whips him across the ring, follows him in with a clothesline, and hits a second CTC as TNA stumbles out of the corner. TNA is out cold and Dead makes the cover. One…Two…Thr – WWE, having reversed a Blitz whip into the ring apron, dives into the ring and falls on Dead to break it up. WWE tries to mount some offence, but Dead brushes it off and takes WWE over with a snap suplex. Dead hits the ropes and drives an elbow into WWE’s throat, then rolls to his feet and sees Blitz in the corner. Dead tags Blitz and points to the unmoving TNA, then tosses WWE to the outside. Blitz climbs the turnbuckles nearest TNA and hits the Blitz Flip, hooking the leg for the three. WINNERS, in 7:43, Dead and Blitz.
ERIC O’MAC vs. DAMON WRATH
Time for more action here in the OOWF as we are set to see if Eric O’Mac’s path of rage will continue here in Norway. He’s got a tough test tonight though as he faces the returning Damon Wrath. Wrath is an accomplished guy on his own here in the OOWF as he is a former tag team champion with Seamus McNasty and now he’s looking to strike out on his own with this big match against Bennett’s own PHWF Heavyweight Champion, Eric O’Mac. A reflective light starts bouncing around the arena as “The Mirror” by Dream Theatre start and Damon Wrath comes barreling out from the back and storm down to the ring. He’s seen the pre-match attacks that Eric has been instigating so he knew how to avoid and he gets in the ring as Ice-T’s “The Tower” kicks in and the now ultraviolent Eric O’Mac makes his way to the ring. The fans are giving Eric the business, but he is pointedly ignoring them as he steps up onto the apron. Eric starts to step into the ring and knowing the recent history, but Damon Wrath and Angelo Barros are on the ball as Barros rings the bell starting the match and Damon kicks the middle rope and crotches Eric coming in.
Damon takes Eric and pushes him out of the ring and down to the floor. He steps out onto the apron and dives off and hits Eric with a shoulder block taking em both down to the floor. Damon stays in the mount and starts tossing elbows at Eric who is trying to cover up and struggle free. Eric writhes until he gets into a guard position and uses his lower body strength to flip Wrath over his head and he scrambles back to his feet. He gets back in the ring and awaits Wrath and once Damon gets back in the ring we have a back-and-forth encounter going on. Hip toss here, arm drag there, flying head scissors over there, and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker over here and Eric is having a much tougher time here than he has in recent weeks.
Eric looks to go for the kill though and tries to get Wrath up for The Smackdown, but DW still has too much fight left and he reverses into a nice downward spiral type move and he has EOM down. He gets down on the mat and makes the cover…
1… 2… Kick out!
Damon almost had him there but he shouldn’t let up now and he doesn’t. DW picks Eric up, and fall away slam. Another cover and another 2 count for Wrath. Eric is getting much more of a fight then he expected here and he’s surviving on instinct here. Damon thinks he has Eric reeling and looks to be setting up for the finish. He drags Eric to his feet and short-arm clothesline, but he doesn’t let go and he drags Eric up again, another short-arm clothesline and again he doesn’t let go. DW drags Eric to his feet for the third time and this time it’s a full-fledged LARIATOOOO. Another cover…
1… 2… No, Eric gets his foot on the bottom rope at the very last second. Damon is getting frustrated and starts calling out to the crowd that he’s going to go for the F5. He waits for Eric to get to his feet and that might just be a little too much time, but Wrath gets him up on his shoulders. He goes for the move but he was too close to the ropes and EOM wraps his legs around them causing Damon to stumble and Eric is able to wriggle off the shoulders and he floats over DW and his an IMPLANT DDT. Eric stays on top of it and he picks DW up right near the corner and suplexes Damon Wrath right into the turnbuckles. That did not look good for DW.
Eric capitalizes in this chance and drags Damon to the center of the ring and looks to try and distract the ref to go for the Brass Knuckle Shuffle but Barros is having none of it and it gives Damon enough time to reach up and grab Eric around the throat. EOM wasted too much time there and Damon has him where he wants him, but Eric is fighting back with two kicks to the stomach and then out of nowhere he changes position and gets Damon in the air…
SMACKDOWN by Eric O’Mac and it looks like he’s had enough of this and he gets down and locks Damon Wrath into the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE and holy shit is he pulling back on it. Damon is fighting back as hard as he can and is trying to make his way to the ropes. Inch by inch and he’s getting closer and closer…almost there…just another inch…he’s just about got there…. NO, Eric rolls back and he flips Wrath back to the center of the ring.
Eric has it locked in and Damon is still struggling. Eric pulls back harder…and DW just can’t do it anymore and he taps out to the CROSSFACE. Barros calls for the bell as the path of rage continues on here in the OOWF. Eric O’Mac picks up the win with the cross face, but he hasn’t let go yet. This match is over and Eric refuses to release the hold. We can hear him yelling…
“You think you can fight me. You think you can take me. Fuck you Wrath, this is just a warning to you and the rest of the back. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.”
Eric still has the cross face locked in and Barros is trying to pull him off but Eric’s locked in like a clamp right now and refuses to let go. Angelo is trying harder and harder to pry Eric off and finally he’s had enough and starts counting…
1… 2… 3… 4… 5…
Barros looks down and sees that Eric still refuses to let go and he calls for help from the back as he tells the bell to be rung again. He makes his way over to the ring announcer and seems to be saying something…
As a result of a reverse decision… WINNER in 11:43 is Damon Wrath…
But the bigger story is still that Eric refuses to let go…Finally enough security gets into the ring and they are able to pull Eric O’Mac off Damon Wrath. Eric just shrugs as he steps out onto the apron and he looks back to the ring to see Angelo Barros pointing to Damon Wrath and indicating he is the winner of the match and the last thing we see before we fade away for our next match is Eric’s last words on this…
“Ask me if I give a fuck.”
LUCIOS vs. TYSON KINCAID
Kincaid and Lucios circle and Kincaid takes Lucios by surprise by hitting a double leg takedown! Kincaid rolls on top of Lucios (not THAT way) and starts punching Lucios in the head. Lucios, wise to cover up, rolls to his side and the referee stops Kincaid from doing anymore damage. Lucios gets to his feet while Kincaid is arguing with the referee and when the ref moves out of the way, Kincaid is met with a huge CLOTHESLINE! The crowd pops loud and Lucios grabs Kincaid by the hair, pulls him to his feet, and lifts him up in a bench press position! Kincaid, having scouted the move, slips out, lands on his feet behind Lucios, and chop blocks Lucios, taking him back down to the mat! Lucios howls as he grabs his knee and Kincaid, smelling blood, quickly locks Lucios into a Boston Crab! Lucios, though, still having strength in his leg, is able to use his leg strength to throw Kincaid off of him. Kincaid quickly goes back and throws some elbows at the back of Lucios' knees. Kincaid runs off the ropes and drops a big knee onto the back of Lucios' leg! Lucios is in trouble here as Kincaid completely takes Lucios out of his element and brings him down to ground! Kincaid attempts a second Boston Crab on Lucios, and Lucios is fighting it...but Kincaid has it locked in and they are in the middle of the ring! The referee is in Lucios' face, asking him if he's ready to give up, if he wants to give up the match, and Lucios shakes his head furiously and he tries to crawl to the ropes. He crawls and Kincaid tries to lock the Crab in more tightly....and Lucios, he is so close to the ropes...AND HE GRABS THEM! HE HAS THE ROPES LUCIOS HAS THE ROPES...WHY ISNT KINCAID LETTING GO??? The camera zooms out to show Blitz, distracting the ref and Kincaid keeps the Crab locked on! However, Phantos comes down and chases Blitz around the ring and backstage! However, the damage has been done, and Lucios is hurting...and Kincaid, who lets go of the hold when the ref tells him, goes for a quick cover.....1....................2.............and LUCIOS KICKS OUT!
Kincaid gets up and immediately locks in a Figure Four Leg Lock! Lucios is fighting for his life! He lies down and the ref counts, 1........2....and Lucios sits back up, screaming in pain! Obviously, working in a singles match is taking its toll on the big man, as he has no one to turn to! After a good minute in the hold, Lucios starts to turn Kincaid over. Kincaid is fighting it....but Lucios reverses the Figure Four! Kincaid lets go of the hold and Lucios, with a noticeable limp, delivers a big right hand as Kincaid gets to his feet! And another big right hand! Kincaid goes down, get sup, and Lucios hammers Kincaid in the gut, picks him up, and delivers a power bomb! That's gotta be it! 1.......................2..............and Kincaid has his foot on the ropes! Lucios looks at the ref, waiting for the 3, and when none comes, Lucios lets go, gets to his feet, and picks Kincaid up, but Kincaid hooks Lucios by the leg and performs a dragon screw! Kincaid follows with a single leg crab lock! Lucios, very weak in the legs, tries to fight it, but it's locked in quickly....however Lucios is near the ropes and he is able to grab them after a few struggling moments. Kincaid REFUSES to let go of the hold, and the referee starts his 5 count. 1..........2.........3............4.....and Kincaid releases and starts fussing at the referee! When Kincaid turns around after a few choice words, Lucios rolls him up and the ref counts 1............2..........3!!!! LUCIOS STEALS ONE!
Winner in 9:03.....LUCIOS!!!!
DH MAGNUSSON vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
The two combatants lock up in the middle of the ring, both trying to figure each other out. Magnusson muscles AE into the corner but AE ducks behind Magnusson and locks his arms around Magnusson's waist. D.H. tries to break the hold but can't. So instead he backs AE into the opposite corner, slamming AE into the turnbuckle and forcing him to let go. D.H. grabs AE and whips him into the ropes. AE bounces off and Magnusson arm drags him to the mat. Both men quickly get back to their feet and lock up again. AE gets Magnusson in a side headlock but D.H. pushes AE off sending him bouncing into the ropes. AE bounces back as D.H. ducks trying to back body drop him but he's telegraphed it and AE stops and hits him with a neck breaker. Cover. One...Two...Magnusson kicks out. AE raises D.H. to his feet and throws a huge side elbow to Magnusson's face and then whips him into the ropes. AE goes for a clothesline but D.H. ducks it and delivers a clothesline of his own! D.H. pulls AE to his feet but AE catches him with an elbow to the gut. With D.H. doubled-over, AE grabs Magnusson by the head and starts to deliver a series of knees to his face. Magnusson stumbles back in pain as AE grabs him and whips him into the corner. AE charges in and at D.H. and connects with a big splash. Magnusson staggers out of the corner and AE grabs him for a belly-to-belly suplex, but D.H. fights his way out of it and somehow connects with a DDT! Cover. One...Two...Apocalyptic Existence kicks out. Both men get back to their feet and D.H. sends AE into the ropes one more time. Magnusson propels himself off of the opposite ropes and delivers a diving shoulder block to AE sending both men to the ground. D.H. gets up a second before AE and begins to hammer him with heavy right hands. AE begins to fight back and soon the two are brawling in the middle of the ring. Magnusson appears to have the upper hand and has AE reeling. Magnusson goes for one more big haymaker, but somehow AE ducks it. D.H. misses badly and AE locks his arms up for the Vertebreaker! This could be it! Magnusson refuses to gone down quietly, however, and wrestles his way free. He grabs AE for a Russian leg sweep! There it is! Dream Street! He's got the Dragon Sleeper locked in tight! Apocalyptic Existence has no choice but to tap out! WINNER in 7:34 - D.H. Magnusson
POE & THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM vs. OUTBACK JACK, CONCRETE TG & SEAMUS MCNASTY
Six man stare down at the bell and the crowd gets to buzzing. Who's gonna make the first move? ... And it's Hardcore! But OBJ blocks his right and and decks him! And we have a scrum that culminates with the good guys taking WGFT and Poe to the floor. The heels regroup and things settle down. Crete and Poe start things off proper, and Poe overpowers him. CTG slips away however and peppers Poe with lefts and rights in the corner, before bringing him back to the corner for a tag to Seamus. Some legal double teaming, and Poe scurries to his corner and tags in FFM. MacCappington tries to reason with Seamus, and that doesn't go well for FFM. Seamus pounds away, but FFM won't fall. Seamus charges, and MacCappington tries a flapjack, but Seamus plants him with a big DDT instead. OBJ in and they stomp the hell out of him, and Jack works FFM on the mat. Ryan flies in to break up an arm bar, but OBJ moves, and Hardcore takes out his partner instead. Back to the corner, and Crete tags back in. More legal double teaming, and we get a sequence of quick tags to keep FFM isolated. Seamus winds up tagging Crete back in, and when CTG goes to the ropes for a Hart Attack, Poe low bridges him, and Crete falls to the floor. Poe and Ryan kick the shit out of Crete while the ref gets Seamus, the illegal man, out of the ring. To the post goes Concrete, and Ryan sends him back in. FFM shakes the dust off and tags in Poe. Snake eyes and a hotshot put Crete down, and a guillotine catapult with the bottom rope sets up a tag to Ryan. Hardcore comes in with a somersault leg drop and wildly pounds away before tagging back to Poe. Poe works the shit out of CTG, then suckers OBJ in, and the diversion allows him to toss Crete over the top, where WGFT pound him on the floor. Seamus is around to break that up, and they toss CTG back in. Tag to FFM, and a second rope leg drop flattens Crete. OBJ breaks up the pin. Belly to back bomb, then a gorilla press... but Crete counters the gorilla press with a modified victory roll, but Hardcore is in with a well placed kick to Crete's nose, and CTG's busted open hardway. Tag to Ryan, and Ryan works on the nose, rubbing him into the mat Ricky Morton style. To the turnbuckle, and Poe tags in and crushes Crete face first into the corner with an avalanche. Poe with some words for Seamus, and that draws him in... and Poe sucker punches Crete with a stiff right hand right to the face. Concrete is bleeding everywhere by this point. CTG tries to wipe the blood away from his mouth, but Poe pops him again. A third try however is countered with a judo throw, but Poe grabs his leg when he dives for the tag, and Poe uses his size to reach his foot back and get a tag from MacCappington. FFM comes in with an elbow drop to stop any rally, but his German suplex try is unsuccessful, as Crete lands on his feet, but FFM clobbers him with a stiff clothesline to the face to take him down. Tag to Ryan, and Hardcore sends Crete to the corner. Ryan charges, but CTG gets a Jack Brisco rollup for two. Ryan grabs the leg to keep him from crawling away, but eats a mule kick instead... and HOT TAG OUTBACK JACK! OBJ hits everything that's tall, greasy, or gay - having to make a couple of trips to cover some of the bases. Cactus clothesline takes Poe to the floor, and Ryan takes an insanely high backdrop bump, going over the top and landing on Poe. BOOMERANG takes down FFM, but Poe breaks up the count. Seamus and OBJ try a spike piledriver, Poe slides back in to break that one up. Poe and Seamus have it out, and OBJ blindly whips FFM into them, knocking them both to the floor. Jack misses a charge and MacCappington gets a desperation big boot to take OBJ down and out to the floor. FFM is the last one standing... but forgets about Crete, who's covered in blood but has FFM lined up for the CEMENT MIXER~! One... two... but Ryan jumps in and nails the ref from behind to break up the count. Hardcore kicks Crete in the face and tosses him to the floor. Ryan to the top and lines up Seamus, but Seamus bails out and Hardcore goes thru the announce table. Seamus and Poe have it out again and everyone gets to their feet as MACCAPPINGTON COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO EVERYBODY! Holy shit. Crowd agrees. The ref begins a count, but says fuck it and just throws the match out instead. WINNER in 17:29: NO CONTEST
MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. STANK – Hardcore Match
We see the ring scattered with assorted weapons; barbed wire bats, stop signs, cookie sheets (COOKIE SHEETS!) trash cans (w/lids), tables, ladders, chairs, Bunny (no, not Bunny, but a stuffed bunny). Davis Hightower just chuckles to himself as he won’t have a whole lot to do in this one, most likely. Boos rain down from every corner of the arena as “Scarecrow” by Ministry fires up, and Moose Headjack…I mean, Moosehead Jack tells the crowd they’re number one on both hands as he makes his way into the ring; snickers at all the weapons, and slumps down in the corner. Stank’s music fires up and all those raucous boos turn to cheers. Stank doesn’t take his eyes off the ring for a second as he slides in. The two competitors glare at each other, and Hightower calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
The two talk a little smack before they lock up. Stalemate on the lockup; and finally Moose is able work out of it into an ARMBAR~! Stank reverses into an Armbar of his own. Moose is able to reverse that into a hammerlock. Stank slaps his shoulder twice (as required by the Professional Wrestler’s Code of Conduct) and reverses into his OWN hammerlock. Before Moose slaps HIS shoulder twice, the crowd starts to boo. Moose manages to whip Stank off the ropes, avoiding any and all weapons, and catches him on the way back. Stank slips out and goes around for a waistlock. Moose thinks for a second and works a STANDING SWITCH into a waistlock of his own. The crowd’s booing becomes more apparent. Stank manages to get a step of leverage to his left, and locks on a HEADLOCK. Moose manages to slip his head out and hooks Stank’s other arm: BACKSLIDE~! 1, 2, NO! Stank manages to kick out. Stank mock claps Moose as the crowd continues to boo.
They lock up again, and again it’s a stalemate, but Stank scoots around for a waistlock…SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP! 1, 2, NO! Moose just does kick out and the boos are deafening now. This ring is full of weapons, and none of them have been touched. Moose is FURIOUS that he almost got pinned and charges. Stank falls flat on his back…SUNSET FLIP! 1, 2, NO! Moose pops up furious but Stank hits an ARM DRAG into an ARMBAR into a SHORT ARM SCISSORS! The crowd has started to pelt the ring with garbage now, as they’re unhappy there’s no blood. Somehow Moose manages to reverse the Short Arm Scissors into a SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB! Stank grabs the ropes, and a shocked Hightower calls for the break. Moose simply pops up and takes a couple of steps backwards. This time, however, he at least LOOKS at the weapons around him.
This crowd is absolutely livid at this magnificent display of chain-wresting. Lockup again, and Stank quickly works a side headlock. Moose shoves Stank off…VICTORY ROLL!! 1, 2, NO~! Stank wastes no time…MAJISTRAL CRADLE~! 1, 2, NO~! Moose tries a CRUCIFIX~! 1, 2, NO~! OKLAHOMA ROLL BY STANK~! 1, 2, NO~! The ring is now littered with trash along with the weapons. Stank works another ARMBAR, but Moose REVERSES into an ARMBAR of his own. He torques back into a hammerlock, and eventually Stank goes to his stomach. Moose then extends the hammerlock into a FIGURE 4 ARMBAR. Stank’s in trouble, but he rolls over and Moose’s shoulders are PINNED! He rolls over at 2. Stank is trying to get the crowd into it, but they only reason they’ve stopped throwing trash is because they’ve run out. Stank manages to get to a Vertical Base as Moose is forced to switch to an ARMBAR. Stank goes behind and locks in an ABDOMINAL STRETCH! The crowd continues to shit all over this; but suddenly stands and cheers! Concrete TG comes out on the ramp and appears to be making his way down to the ring! Stank and Moose are facing the wrong direction, so they apparently just think the crowd has a change of heart, so Moose starts to sell the Abdominal Stretch more. Meanwhile, Crete has grabbed a Barbed Wire Baseball Bat! Dramatically, he approaches the two from the side, and SWINGS~!
Moose saw Crete out of the corner of his eye, and goes limp. Stank drops him, and simultaneously, while bending over, gets CRUSHED in the head with the BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT~! Stank dies (poor Stank). Moose can’t help but laugh uncontrollably as he knocks Crete SILLY~! With a Chair (Not CHAIR, just a Chair). Crete is dead (Poor Crete). Moose puts his feet on the ropes for shits and giggles as he pins Stank for the academic three count. WINNER in 14:56 by PINFALL…MOOSEHEAD JACK!
DAVIN MORELAND vs. PHANTOS - #1 Contenders Match
The lights in the arena go out, and HUGE White Pyro goes off. The sounds of a turntable scratching are heard, and the fans mark the fuck out for the Run DLP graphics on the Jumbotron. At the top of the ramp, Davin Moreland, Samantha Darling and Phantos (sans cape) all appear, raising each others’ arms. The three make their way (slowly) down the ramp as they talk to and slap hands with the fans. Phantos and Davin each start signing autographs for crissakes. Samantha is forced to be the party pooper and tell them both they’ve got a match. Both give her the “Aw Ma, do we have to?” look, which doesn’t really go over well; so they both roll into the ring, and raise each others’ arms, pointing at each other. Now it’s referee Angelo Barros who has to break up the love-fest; and this time, it doesn’t really go over well with the crowd. They settle down a bit, and Barros kind of looks at the two competitors, feeling a search is pretty unnecessary, and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Both competitors hear the bell and walk slowly to the middle of the ring. They shake hands and hug (this is getting a little disgusting now with all the sweetness). Davin whispers something into Phantos’ ear hole, and Phantos nods, apparently indicating that he understands. They back off again, and Barros says something like “Can we get on with this already?” Both wrestlers look sheepish, and slowly go in for a lockup. Davin’s got a ridiculous power advantage here, and pretty quickly gets Phantos into the corner. Barros comes in for the break and gets a clean one without a count, as Davin just walks back to the middle of the ring. Phantos grins and walks over to the middle of the ring as well. As Davin goes in to lock up again, Phantos hits a SWEET Standing Dropkick right in Davin’s grill. Davin stumbles backward a couple of steps and rubs his jaw smiling. Phantos kinda shrugs at him, and Davin applauds and tries to get the crowd to join in. They do, and Phantos starts laughing. He’s not laughing much longer however as Davin hits a SWEET Standing Dropkick of his own, and that sends Phantos all the way to the ropes. Davin charges looking to clothesline Phantos out of the ring, but Phantos puts up the LOW BRIDGE. Davin looks like he‘s going to spill to the outside, but manages to Skin the Cat. With Phantos turned away from him; Davin grabs him under the arms, and hits a DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SPINNING POWERBOMB that finishes out on the floor; and THAT looked like it hurt. Phantos is hurting, and Davin is actually slow to get back on the attack, appearing to give Phantos a second to recover; as if he didn’t mean for that to hit so hard.
Eventually, Davin does pull up Phantos, and hits a couple of European Uppercuts. Phantos looks glassy-eyed. Davin looks concerned, and rolls Phantos into the ring; and takes a second to gather his thoughts. Phantos, playing some SERIOUS possum, SPRINTS to his feet, and hits a SPRINGBOARD HURRICARANA, and Davin’s neck ends up on the barrier. Crowd goes batshit after that one. Phantos seems determined not to let up, and just starts to repeatedly kick Davin in the face. After 3 or 4 kicks, Davin grabs Phantos’ ankle, and DRAGON SCREWS him to the ground. Barros has started a count. Phantos is up first at 5, and seems to be favoring that knee. He rolls into the ring, and Barros continues the count (maybe he slows it a bit?) Barros’ count gets to 8, and Davin rolls in. Phantos greets him with STOMPS. Stompity-stomp stomp. And in case you didn’t get the point, more stomping. Phantos finishes up with a SWEET SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK, and rolls Davin over for a cover, which gets two; and Davin throws him off HARD; halfway across the ring. Phantos is a little shaken, but undeterred, and runs over, hitting a STANDING 360 LEGDROP, and covers again; that gets two. Phantos runs to the top turnbuckle, and hits a 450 SPLASH off the top. The cover gets 2. Phantos bounces off the near ropes, then the far ropes generating speed, and as he approaches the near ropes again, hits a SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE MOONSAULT, which is good enough for a “HO-LY SHIT!” chant from the crowd. It takes a second for Phantos to recover from that before he goes to cover, and as he bends down…INSIDE CRADLE! 1, 2, Thr…NO! Phantos just did get out of that. Davin still doesn’t get up though, so Phantos goes on the attack again and hits a SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE-KNEE DROP to Davin’s back, and dear God does that have to hurt. STANDING MOONSAULT from Phantos and he goes for the cover and gets a loooooooooooong 2. Phantos sits on Davin’s back and looks like he’s going for a Camel Clutch; but it’s actually a MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! I guess P-Dawg was paying attention last week. Davin is in BIG-TIME trouble, and is fading quickly, dealing with the Combo Submission. Phantos will have to name that for us in the future.
It’s looking bleak for Davin, as a trickle of blood can now be seen running down his face, and he is fading quickly. So much so, that Barros has to check on Davin, and do the three-time-arm-lift thing. The first two times predictably get no response, and for a change, the crowd really thinks there’s a chance the third won’t either, and they’re on their feet in anticipation. The third time down though (obviously) Davin manages to get control of his arm, but doesn’t do the shaky arm thing because it’s so dumb. Davin tries to break Phantos’ grip; no dice. He tries to flip Phantos over by pulling on the back of his head; but he’s sitting too far back. Davin finally gets to a knee, and, having wedged his hand in Phantos’ arm, seems to be getting a little oxygen. Davin manages to get on both feet, and the crowd starts to go batshit. Phantos is holding the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM for all he’s worth, and Davin is still shaky and fading occasionally, but he finally solidifies himself on both feet, and goes RUNNING WITH PHANTOS ON HIS BACK! He bounces off the ropes!
Russ: BAH GAWD!
That’s a SPRINGBOARD SAMOAN DROP folks, and it damn near killed Phantos. Phantos is out! However, Davin, for all intents and purposes is out too; and he rolls out to the floor, where he’s met by Samantha Darling; who is saying…something to him. We can’t tell because the camera is blocked. Barros starts another count, and Davin finally rolls his way into the ring at 9. Davin is back in, and Phantos is back up. They look at each other a little differently than they did to start the match, and they both run at each other. Phantos hits the ol’ DROP TOE HOLD, and Davin bounces his head off the top rope. On the snapback, Phantos hits a HUGE NECKBREAKER. Phantos heads to the top rope…he’s signaling for the SUICIDE LEGDROP! He takes off, and DAVIN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Crash and Burn from Phantos, but he’s not too shaken. He charges after Davin, but Davin SPEARS him out of his boots! Well, one boot, anyway, the other one is still on. Davin is really laboring to get to his feet as the winded Phantos puts his boot back on. They’re both up at the same time, and run at each other, but it’s Phantos first (as it’s been the whole match) with the HEADSCISSORS. Phantos tries to complete the Takeover part, but Davin just grabs Phantos and he’s got no leverage. What’s he gonna do? He goes for a CANADIAN DESTROYER and HITS but Phantos somehow ROLLS THROUGH! 1, 2, Thre….NO! NO! NO! Davin just did get his hand on the ropes!
Both men are shaken, but get back to their feet. Phantos walks in, but gets a THUMB TO THE EYE for his troubles! The fuck? Why would Davin do that? Especially to Phantos? KICK-WHAM-REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! That’s going to do it. 1, 2…PHANTOS GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES! SAMANTHA KNOCKS IT OFF BEFORE THE REF SEES IT! 3! WINNER in 18:22 by Pinfall…DAVIN MORELAND
INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY vs. IHOP & THE AMNESIAC – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match
Kid Rock blares through the arena as IHOP makes their entrance. SYB and Skurge head to ringside with Miss Mantooth. Alice in Chains strikes up, and the Big Screen shows THE Amnesiac’s graphics package. No Amnesiac. SYB grabs the ring mic and yells for the “Monkey’s in the trick to start that song over again.” Again The Music strikes up. Again, no Amnesiac. Skurge yells at the ring announcer to do it again. He complies, and a third opening chorus blares out. No Amnesiac. The ring announcer shrugs and begins to introduce the Champions. Eminem blares out and Carl, Bunny, and Justin stand at the top of the ramp, belts held high overhead. Bunny has a mic and begins to break us off a little something something.
One again Yo, it’s time to fight One side Bennett, The other side Rick The Battle goes on, night after night. One of these days…(THUD)
From behind, THE Amnesiac appears, and wallops Bunny on the back of his skull with a baseball bat. Carl and Justin turn around and begin to chase Amnesiac, who dropped the bat and made a beeline for the ring. Carl and Justin slide in just behind him, and are met with a fury of stomps from IHOP before they can even get to their feet. Referee Mel Creech works to separate the men, and shortly order is restored. Bunny comes staggering to ringside, and Creech points at him to start the match. Justin screams at Mel “ARE YOU INSANE?” But the official’s decision has been made. Skurge greedily enters the ring and upon the bell sounding, charges in and spears Bunny off his feet. The former Rabbxt does a 360 flip and ends up in a corner half draped on the middle turnbuckle. Skurge grabs Bunny and whips him hard into the opposite corner. A sickening thud resonates over the stunned crowd as Bunny’s corpse flails to the mat. Skurge hoists Bunny up for a running power slam. A jumping leg drop nets him a near fall. How Bunny was able to move is incredulous.
Razz: That kid’s got guts, I’ll give him that!
Skurge reaches out and tags in SYB. SYB pulls Bunny to his feet and delivers a belly to back suplex. SYB locks in a devastating chin lock. He drags Bunny over into enemy territory. Amnesiac and Skurge both prop their boots on the turnbuckle. SYB grabs Bunny by the head and prepares to send him headfirst into the boots. As SYB rares back, Bunny ducks, and SYB ends up ripping the head off of the Bunny suit! SYB staggers into the corner and turns around, only to be met with a dropkick that bumps him into Skurge. Bunny crawls over and makes to hot tag to Justin Sane. San comes in and floors all three challengers, who attack dumb ninja style. SYB gets up first and gets a leg lariat. Skurge and Amnesiac take a powder and regroup on the arena floor. Carl runs around, does the Jeff hardy running leap off the barrier onto the two men. Carl pops up and gives the crowd a “YEAH BABY” that draws SYB’s attention. Justin from behind grabs SYB by the hair and tights and hurls him over the tope rope into Carl’s awaiting arms. Fall Away Slam into the Micronesian Announce Table! SYB moans and writhes in the debris. Creech corrals the Champions in the ring and begins a slow, drawn out 10 count. Skurge and Amnesiac recover and drag SYB back to the ring apron and roll him inside at 8. Justin awaits, and hits SYB with a leg drop. Carl gets the tag in and drops an elbow on SYB. Mr. from Fresno tries for another, and SYB is able to roll out of the way and tag in Amnesiac. The masked man charges in and catches Carl with a flying forearm. Back drop. Deep arm drag. Carl powers up from the arm bar and Amnesiac hits a leg sweep and Carl hits the mat. Majistral Cradle for a 2 count. Carl pops up and catches a right hand from Amnesiac. Tag to Skurge. Skurge hits a Russian Leg Sweep and nails an elbow. Carl gets yanked to his feet and promptly judo-chopped to his knees. Skurge hits a face-first pile driver. He covers and Justin races in to break up the fall. SYB races across the ring and nails Bunny (who has since recovered his head and put it on straight). SYB and Bunny tumble to the outside and begins to pound away on each other. Skurge hoists Carl up in a Double-Chicken Wing and Carl seems ready to submit. Justin climbs the turnbuckles and poises, ready to leap onto Skurge. Skurge sees him and tosses Carl to the mat, and motions to Justin to “BRING IT ON” Justin points at him, stands tall on the turnbuckle, and suddenly moonasults onto SYB and Bunny on the floor.
Russ: THAT’S INSANE!!!
Bunny hops onto the ring apron and motions for a tag in. Carl crawls between Skurge’s legs and Bunny gets the hot tag. Dropkick. Springboard moonsault. Amnesiac runs in and eats flying burrito. Bunny fires up, pausing to adjust his loose costume mask. All 3 challengers have gathered on the floor to regroup. Carl is on his feet, Justin joins them in the ring and it’s TRIPLE PLANCHAS OVER THE ROPES! All six men hit the arena floor. Bunny is up and drags Amnesiac into the ring. He nails a bulldog and goes to the top. Skurge pushes him to the mat, causing Justin and Carl to rush in the ring together, drawing the wrath of Mel Creech. Amnesiac dropkicks Bunny, who lands in 619 position. Amnesiac grabs the bunny mask and jerks it quickly, turning the mask 90 degrees on Bunny’s head and obscuring his vision. Carl and Justin continue to argue violently with Creech. Amnesiac whips Bunny into the ropes, where Dorothy Mantooth cracks him in the head a second time with the baseball bat (how did that get there?) Amnesiac hits PURE AMNESIA! Skurge grabs Creech and drags him to the mat to count his cover, while Amnesiac and SYB cross up Carl and Justin. 1…2….3! WINNERS; in 14:27; and NEW CAMPEONAS DE TRIOS, IHOP & The Amnesiac!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
AA comes to the ring with a smirk on his face, pointing to the Onslaught title belt around his waist and waving his finger at Firewoman. You have to give it to AA, he may not be the best in the ring but he sure knows how to defend a title outside the squared circle. Firewoman charges at AA immediately, but AA makes sure the ref is between them. AA takes his time getting into the ring, berates the ref for his choice of attire and then hands the ref the belt. AA then motions Firewoman to bring it, but Firewoman decides she wants AA checked for foreign objects. AA goes ballistic at the suggestion that he’d be hiding anything and cites the Second Amendment as reason that he should not be searched. The ref isn’t buying into it, however, but does agree to check Firewoman first. She’s clean. But while the ref is checking Firewoman, it appears AA is removing things from his body. The ref catches him in middle of pulling a taped fork from his right boot. Now the ref gets serious about checking AA and finds, in no particular order, a lead pipe, brass knuckles, a chain, chloroform, a giant vibrator, hair removal cream, a tag team rope, a two-pack of Cinnabon rolls, a McCulloch chainsaw, a Las Vegas wedding, a Mexican divorce, a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot and a baby’s arm holding an apple. OK, now I think we’re ready to wrestle. They lock up in the middle of the ring, no one gets the advantage and they break. Lockup again, no advantage and a break. AA flexes his biceps; Firewoman returns the favor and it’s clear who’s got the bigger guns. And AA isn’t happy. AA motions for Firewoman to stand in the middle of the ring, and AA’s going for the Old School Shoulder Block Challenge (as seen on AWA Classic JUST LAST NIGHT!). As expected, AA can’t move Firewoman. AA tries again to no avail. AA motions for Firewoman to try, and AA bulks up in the middle of the ring. FW goes to the ropes, comes off and clobbers AA with a shoulder block that staggers him to the ropes, over the top rope and out to the floor. AA complains to anyone who would listen that he was off balance, and gets in an argument with a 10-year-old girl in the front row. That gives Firewoman the chance to attack from behind, and she tosses AA into the crowd. The 10-year-old girl starts punching AA, and gets some good shots in before security pulls her away. AA Flair Flops for the girl’s punches. FW climbs the ring barrier and gives AA some adult haymakers, each one sending AA staggering into a different set of fans. Eventually, AA falls into a guy with a beer. AA grabs the beer cup and tosses the beer into Firewoman’s eyes. That slows her down. So AA hit the—wait for it—the 5-Star Greco Roman Phalangeal to the Eye, then knees her in the gut and DDTs her to the floor. AA sits down in a nearby chair and rests for a second, only to be attacked from behind by the same 10-year-old girl. I think she’s got a sleeper on AA! Meanwhile, don’t we have a count from the ref? Oh, there he is. The ref’s in the ring, and he’s at TWO! Well, that’s good to know. AA snap mares the 10-year-old girl and kicks her in the ribs, which prompts another fan to throw beer at AA. AA finds some pretzels and throws those at the fan, and this things really getting out of control. Firewoman comes back from selling the DDT and forearms AA in the back, sending him staggering further into the crowd. AA gets back up against a barrier, and FW spears him right into the wall!! FW drags AA up by the hair—FIREDRIVER!! Hey, isn’t the 10-count close? Let’s see! The ref says…FOUR! Meanwhile, Firewoman drags AA back through the crowd, but AA’s smart enough not just to walk with her like other wrestlers do. He grabs a chair and waffles Firewoman with a chair swing to the face. Why hasn’t anyone thought of that before? AA falls to the ground to catch his breath--where he is again attacked by the 10-year-old girl! She’s got a tag team rope, and she’s choking AA! Does the OOWF sell those at the concession stand now? Yes? $1.50? That’s a pretty good deal. Can you get me two? I can tie them to the bed posts and … oh yeah, the wrestling match. Damn that Attention Deficit Disorder. By the way, the ref’s count is at FIVE! Firewoman back on the attack again, leaping off a chair and hitting the AJ Styles Flying Forearm. She drags AA back to the ring area, smashes his head into the Chinese Announce Table (where all announcers are certified to be at least 16 years old, even those they look 12). AA somehow flops onto the table on his back, so Firewoman grabs a ladder from underneath the ring. Firewoman sets up the ladder, climbs the ladder, appeals to the crowd from on top of the ladder. (BTW, the ref is at EIGHT!) FIRESPLASH! (Does she even do a Firesplash? Whatever. You get the idea. She pretty much pancaked AA on the announce table.) AA’s dead; FW’s doing her best Rob Van Dam fish floppy impression, and the Chinese Announce Table is toast. FW crawls toward the ring, and the ref just reached NINE! FW uses the “Best of OOWF, Volume 23: The Edge of Felonies” ring banner to pull herself up, and rolls into the ring just moments before the ref calls TEN! Ring the bell!!!
YOUR WINNER in 12:57, by count out, Firewoman!
Firewoman celebrates in the ring, and does the “I want the belt” motion to AA. AA’s revived now that the bell is rung, grabs his belt and backs his way up the entry ramp, clutching his belt as if it’s his last possession. AA then regains his senses and motions that the belt’s still his and that Firewoman will never get it. For good measure, AA points to the 10-year-old girl and calls for security to escort her from the arena.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Keeping with REAL wrestling etiquette, the challenger is announced first. "Master Of Puppets" blasts across the arena, and out on the ramp we find...
Cole’s introduction is made a second time, "Master of Puppets" comes alive a second time, and on the ramp...
The ringside team is confused, the fans are looking around, and a few seem to have started a fight in one of the mid-level sections.
Wait, those aren't fans, it's CHRIS COLE AND ALEXANDER DARLING! The champion and the challenger are brawling their way through the crowd! They're peppering each other with punches as OOWF staffers try to pull them apart and get them to the ring! Cole LEVELS 2 staffers with a pair of wild overhand rights! Darling launches first an elbow at a staffer that sends him sprawling, and then launches HIMSELF at Cole, sending both them tumbling over the guardrail to the floor seating below! Both men land in a pile, and Cole isn't moving! Darling rolls off, clutching at his already injured shoulder and SCREAMING~! Even from just this camera angle, it's very obvious that Darling has dislocated his shoulder. EMTs as well as Assistant commissioner Moreland are on the scene as Cole begins to finally stir, drawing a relieved collective exhale from the crowd. Darling is writhing on the ground, SCREAMING something at Moreland, who doesn't like whatever it is he is hearing. Cole shrugs off the EMTs, who are trying to tend to a very large and bloody gash on the back of his head, and begins to stumble to the ring!
Moreland seems to be telling Darling "no" to something, which causes the champion to scream even more, before settling down and clutching at Moreland, whispering something to him. I have no idea what he told him, but Moreland apparently bought into it, as he waves off the EMTs who have shifted to tending to Darling and sits down beside him, grabbing his arm.
Oh no, this makes me cringe just thinking about it...
Darling lets out a bloodcurdling shriek that fills the arena as Moreland pops the shoulder back into place! Moreland, for his part, is showing more than a bit of concern as the EMTs are instructed to tape Darlings arm to his chest, and with tears of pain in his eyes, Darling is headed for the ring!~
Referee Davis Hightower looks to Moreland uncertainly as Darling struggles to get the belt off, and Moreland simply gives him a nod before heading to the back. Hightower shows the title to Cole, who may or may not see it, the bell rings, and we're underway!
The two circle each other warily, with Darling landing a few low leg kicks before Cole slips in and buries a knee into Darling's midsection, doubling him over. Cole's follow-up forearm misses as Darling spins away, protecting the shoulder. The bloodied Cole smiles like a shark and backs the wounded Darling into a corner, but can't capitalize as Darling slips out when Cole launches a kick, and delivers a quick basement dropkick to the back of Cole's knees! Cole's head lands hard on the second turnbuckle, and Darling is already back on his feet, leaping up for a sickening second dropkick that buries Cole face first into the middle turnbuckle!
Cole is slumped in a heap in the corner, but Darling landing on the injured shoulder! Hightower starts his count, but Darling uses the ropes to get to his feet and grabs Cole by the hair, pulling him up...
Mule kick by Cole! Hightower didn't see it, but Darling crumples to the mat as Cole snaps to, delivering a falling fist drop to Darling's shoulder! Darling screeches in pain as Cole gets back to his feet, tearing at the medical tape and wrapping it around Darling's throat. Hightower starts a count, and at 4 Cole is on feet yelling at him, while digging a heel into Darling's shoulder.
Cole draws Darling up and grabs the injured shoulder, looking for a fujiwara as Darling quickly grabs the ropes. Instead of a break Coles fires him off, following him into the ropes and burying another knee into Darling's midsection. Arm wringer by Cole, and even a simple move like that could spell bad news for Darling. A second twist takes Darling down to a knee, and Cole grinds a shin against the upper arm, earning a few more screams from Darling as Hightower slides in to check on him. Darling shakes him off and struggles to his feet as Cole wrenches down on the arm again. Darling pulls a drop toe hold out of nowhere and rolls through, burying an axe kick into the back of Cole's head! Darling scoots back into the corner and pulls himself up, as the fans start to rally behind him. Cole back to his feet and charging hard into the corner, NOBODY HOME as Darling kicks up and floats over rolling into a sunset flip!
Kick out by Cole, who leaves a puddle of blood behind as he hauls himself to his feet as charges Darling, who hits him with a high angle hip toss! Cole springs to his feet, only to be met by a bicycle kick for Darling! Darling is getting fired up as he drills Cole with a standing side kick that sends him flying into the turnbuckles! Darling takes a run, leaps at Cole, monkey flip out of...NO! Cole hooks the ropes and Darling crashes to mat! Cole back on the offensive, and there's nothing pretty about it as he begins kicking away at Darling's shoulder and head! Pickup by Cole, hard whip into the turnbuckle, and a thundering German suplex on the rebound! Cole's got the bridge:
Darling rolls a shoulder and 2 and a half, before getting shot back into the ropes by Cole, who drills him with a high knee to the back before picking him up and signaling to the crowd...Cole with the pickup, HEADLI-
No! Darling with a twisting float over, he's got Cole's head hooked, and he let's out an agonizing scream as he wrenches up...LIFTING INVERTED DDT! Cole may be dead as Darling slumps across him:
1... 2... 3!
Darling defies the odds and gets the win! As the bell sounds, the ring floods with medical personnel who begin looking to both men. WINNER via PINFALL at 14:28 and STILL OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: ALEXANDER DARLING!
OOWF Judgment Eve III PPV Live! From Qeqetarsauq, Greenland (due to circumstances beyond my control – at least mostly I think – the original ppv was lost, with only half a match to write, sending me into a level of pissed off that I haven’t been to since December 2006. The only things that could be redone are the Stank-Davin match, thanks to Tommy, and the Maury Reveal, thanks to Fire and Sop. So since I could not fire off 9 matches in less than 24 hours and have them be anything even remotely close to worth your time to read it, we are going to do OOWF Damage Control: Pay Per View Edition, unless that gets lost too) Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to OOWF Judgment Eve III Live From Qeqetarsaug Greenland! As always joining me are Nash Nash: Yo Russ: And former ECW world champion, Razz Razz: Good to be here in Qeqetarsaug Nash: Before today you had never even HEARD of Qeqetarsaug Razz: What’s your point? Russ: Folks, this is a very special OOWF pay per view. Due to some unforeseen technical and contractual difficulties, the majority of the video footage from the show can not be shown right now. This show will be very similar to the Damage Control shows from a few years ago. Razz: Hey, it’s a nice change of pace for us, that’s for sure Nash: This doesn’t have anything to do with what happened in the hotel room last night with the midgets and the horse does it? Razz: There are midgets in Greenland? Nash: You’re here aren’t you? Razz: Fuck you Russ: If we can get things started, the show opened with Davin Moreland facing Stank for the number one contender spot. I have to say I have not been particularly fond of the new attitude Davin has developed over the last few months. What he did to Phantos was questionable at best Nash: Russ, you have to do whatever it takes when you are fighting to get a word title shot, if that means power bombing your grandma through a table, then that is what you do. Razz: Normally I would agree with you, and I think that strategy has worked well so far for Davin, but that is not going to fly with Stank. Stank will not be intimidated, and he will not be distracted for this match, despite what has been going on. Russ: Well if he has any hopes of winning this match, he better put this situation behind him. Let’s head to the tape to see how this one plays out. DAVIN MORELAND vs. STANK - #1 Contenders Match Nonpoint’s “Skin” fires up with a whole bunch of pyro as the Former World Champion Stank makes his way down the ramp to thunderous applause. He climbs in the ring and bounces off the ropes a few times. “Pull Me Under” starts up along with more pyro; and Davin Moreland makes his way down the ramp. He doesn’t acknowledge the fans, and his ovation is loud, but not AS loud as it normally is; and Davin seems to notice. He does his customary double jump into the ring, and nods to referee Angelo Barros. Barros checks on Stank who nods as well, and Barros calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Stank offers a fist bump to start the festivities, but Davin looks at him like he’s crazy, which kind of pisses Stank off. They lock up, and Stank quickly works an Arm bar into a Hammerlock. We’re doing THIS again? The crowd already starts to shit on it as Davin does the two shoulder slaps (clearly), before reversing into his own Hammerlock. More shitting on it from the crowd. Stank slaps his shoulder twice as well, and looks to reverse it into his own. But Davin, instead of playing nice, spins around with Stank in the opposite direction, and hits a SWEET Belly-to-Belly-Suplex, and the crowd are fans of that. Davin decides not to catch his breath after heaving the big guy, so he goes into some quality STOMPING offense, with the stomps and the stompity-stomps, and the stompity-stompity stomps. For Randy Orton this is a finisher, but for Davin, this only gets a long one count. Davin pulls Stank up, but Stank gets a surge of energy and TOSSES Davin into the corner! Stank hits three or four shoulder blocks before just WHALING away on Davin’s face. Haymakers, lefts and rights are landing from all directions until Davin slumps down in the corner. Stank starts to kick Davin’s head repeatedly before Barros has to physically get in the way and shove Stank back. Stank is clearly shown as saying “YOU WANNA PLAY, DAVIN?” as he’s getting shoved away.
As Davin is pulling himself up by the ropes, Stank rumbles over to Davin, and pulls him up…ONE Power bomb…TWO power bombs…STANKBOMB! Instead of covering, Stank throws Davin into the corner again, and runs the ropes…STANKONIA 2.0! The cover gets a LONG 2-count, as Davin just does get a shoulder up, so much so that Stank starts yapping at Barros. This gives Davin time to pull himself up again, but Stank sees it coming and SPEARS him out of his shoes! Stank motions to the crowd, most of whom are does shitting on him (some are not), and hefts Davin onto his shoulders…He’s looking for the STANK-U! He gets Davin up, but on the way down, Davin REVERSES into a TOR-NA-DO DDT! Both men are down, and Barros starts a count. Stank is up first at 6, and he is still trying to shake out the cobwebs. He’s able to get to Davin however and pull him up. He tries to WHIP Davin to the ropes, but Davin holds on and whips Stank in the opposite direction…RIGHT INTO ANGELO BARROS! REF BUMP!~!~!!!!
Stank hesitates for a second and looks like he might even check on Barros, but he never gets the chance, because Davin LEAPFROGS Stank and Stun-Guns him right on the top rope. Davin lands cleanly on the outside, and doesn’t slow down as he hits a SLINGSHOT DROPKICK on the staggering Stank. The big man staggers back more. HEADSCISSORS TAKEOVER, and Stank hits the floor. SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT connects. Davin notes that Barros is still out, so he locks on a SHARPSHOOTER! Stank slowly crawls across the ring screaming in pain the whole way, until he finally gets the ropes. There’s no ref however, so Davin seems to have no intention of letting go, even after Stank says “DAMMIT DAVIN, I HAVE THE ROPES!” Stank is trying ANYTHING to get out of the hold, twisting, turning, climbing up the ropes, anything. Three full minutes have passed until FINALLY Stank starts tapping. Davin doesn’t stop. Stank taps some more. Davin doesn’t stop. Stank says “I GIVE, STOP!” Davin doesn’t stop. Finally Stank’s cries of pain stop and eventually he passes out. Almost as if Davin can feel it happen, he finally let’s go of the hold, to a very mixed reaction. Davin goes to check on Barros, and sees that there’s still no movement (because recovering from a ref bump can take a long time). He grins and goes back over to the motionless Stank. He picks Stank up with a Dead Lift, and PRESS SLAMS him over the top rope to the floor!
Davin’s out quickly, and makes a beeline for the Ring bell. He’s got it, and repeatedly rams it into Stank’s head, eventually hitting a gusher. Satisfied with the blood apparently, he just guns the bell down at Stank’s head, and grabs two STEEL CHAIRS (not CHAIR though)! He places one under the right (the knee that Davin just torqued for five minutes) knee, and holds the other up.
Russ: BAH GAWD…THIS IS REPREHENSIBLE! THERE’S NO NEED FOR THIS! THAT’S ENOUGH!
SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! Repeated shots over and over and over on the knee braced by the chair underneath it.
Russ: BAH GAWD…HE’S GONNA END HIS CAREER!
More shots and more shots and even more shots, at least fifteen in all until Davin’s satisfied and SLAMS the chair on Stank’s head.
Russ: Oh no…DAVIN? HAVEN’T YOU DONE ENOUGH?
Clearly, it’s time for housecleaning on the Nunavutian Announce Table, and Davin is accommodating. Finally satisfied, he’s got the Corpse Formerly Known As Stank, picks him up and hits an ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Both men are down and CONCRETE TG comes down the ramp to a HUGE OVATION with a Chair (not CHAIR, just the regular kind), and goes flying to the pile of humanity.
Russ: Thank GOD SOMEONE CAME DOWN HERE!
Crete finally gets down and holds the Chair back, and gets SPEARED into the STEEL POST by Davin! The crowd REALLY doesn’t like this much at all. However, Davin didn’t account for a bloody, beaten up Stank showing the Heart of a Champion and STANK-U-ing Davin on the floor.
Everyone is down, except for Barros who is moving. So is Crete, and so is Davin. Crete’s up first, and sees Davin moving. He lines up and tries to wipe out Davin once and for all, but DAVIN DUCKS! And Crete DESTROYS STANK WITH A CHAIR SHOT! Poor Crete. Crete goes to attend to Citizen Stank, but ignores Davin, who just NAILS Crete with a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Barros is finally ambulatory, and starts a count. Davin shoves the lifeless Stank into the ring, and follows him in at 7. Davin lifts Stank onto his shoulder, and climbs up to the top turnbuckle…ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER! This one is over! Davin does a “C’Mon Baby” cover for the three count WINNER in 26:17 by PINFALL…DAVIN MORELAND! Davin Moreland is the #1 Contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship.
Russ: There was just no reason for Davin Moreland to do some of the things he did during that match Nash: Sure there were Russ, it’s the world title, you do everything you can, and then some if that’s what it takes to win. Razz: Yeah I have to agree there, you do what you have to when it comes to the title. Russ: No. There is more than the world title. That son of a bitch Davin went out of his way to injure Stank, and why? I’ll tell you why, Davin Moreland is a damn COWARD! Razz: Wow, strong words there Russ Nash: Yeah I have to say I am pretty shocked by this. Russ: Stank is Davin’s teammate on Team Rick. There is more to this than the world title. Davin is JEALOUS, that’s right, I said it, he is JEALOUS of Stank, always has been. Nash: Those are some strong words there Russ Russ: It is my sincere opinion. If it were not for this war, Davin Moreland would show his true colors Razz: Well, before we end up with Davin Moreland here on the set, maybe we should move on to our next match? Russ: Fine. Our next match is Poe picking up a win against ZK DeBeers Nash: Poe is a very interesting character, he is like one of those men that just waits in the wings biding his time, but when that time is right, he strikes Razz: Yeah, you don’t think much of him, like tonight, it was pretty routine destruction of DeBeers, who is in quite a funk here lately, but at any given moment, he will strike, and whoever he strikes at, will not be happy Russ: Well you know damn well who he is going to strike at, he has some SERIOUS unfinished business with Alexander Darling Nash: Yeah, the boy wonder will not be liking life when Poe decides he is tired of waiting. Russ: I do find one thing odd, why would Tytan choose Poe to be in the cage? Razz: Easy Russ, he is as neutral as they come. He doesn’t really like anyone, so he is not going to be swayed by the sides in this war.
SPIN HANSEN vs. TYSON KINCAID vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE vs. DAMON WRATH – Gauntlet Match
Russ: Spin Hansen got the win here, and this really had to improve his chances of a title shot. But it was more than that, this was also a bit of a coming out party for Tyson Kincaid. Razz: Well Kincaid started things off with Apocalyptic Existence and got the win there, then took on a very game Damon Wrath to move into the final part of the match against Spin Hansen, but couldn’t quite get it done. Nash: Gauntlet matches are tough to win, especially if you are one of the first into the ring. Kincaid should be able to use this as something to build on however. Russ: One odd thing during this match, during the finals, when Kincaid was facing Spin Hansen, there were two people who came out at the top of the ramp. The first was the mysterious man in the black hood that we have seen making appearances during Tytan and Poe’s matches recently, any idea what is up with that? Nash: Not a clue Razz: Yeah I have my suspicions on who it could possibly be, but I have no idea what his motives are. Russ: The second person that was an even bigger surprise to me, was when Firewoman came to the top of the ramp to watch the action. Razz: Well, I have to think that she was doing a little bit of scouting, both Tyson and Spin are legit contenders to the Onslaught title that she wants back from AA in the worst way imaginable Nash: Well, lets not forget that Fire and Kincaid DO have a bit of a history there, so maybe it was as simple as her watching an old friends match. Russ: Nash you know damn well that the simple answer is never the correct answer in the OOWF.
DH MAGNUSSON vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY
Russ: Folks this one was just a good old fashioned fight, and Magnusson continues his climb up the ranks with a win over a very determined Seamus McNasty Razz: You know, in all seriousness, I thought both men were dead when Magnusson hit that belly to back suplex off the apron and through the table. Nash: Ahh yes, the old belly to back suplex off the apron and through the table, I first used that move in 1972 against Killer Kowalski – rest in peace my friend – at the old Boston Garden. Razz: And tore your quad Nash: How did you know? Razz: Lucky guess I guess Russ: Magnusson appears to be in line for SOME sort of title shot, wouldn’t you agree? Razz: Sure, I mean, you know he would like to get at Attitude Adjuster, but right now Fire is taking her shots, LD Williams is a fighting champion who would likely love to face the challenge that is Magnusson, and that leaves….. Razz: Alexander Darling and that Intercontinental title. Russ: I can’t really see Darling jumping at the chance to face his stablemate for the title. It seems like there is enough dissention in the ranks right now without Magnusson chasing the IC title as well. Nash: Hey, that’s how it goes when you are the champion. You can’t refuse to face some one in the name of team unity Russ: Well if he does go after it, I am sure he will do it with far more class than Davin Moreland has displayed recently Nash: Damn Russ, did he kick your dog too?
ERIC O’MAC & MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. CONCRETE TG & OUTBACK JACK
Nash: This was a WAR! This reminds me of my old nWo days when we would face guys like Sting and Luger, when he was a face and not with us, the hate between these four men, you can just FEEL it Russ: Well you know the history between Moose and Crete, those two do not like a single thing about one another, but I was surprised at the ferocity between Jack and Eric Razz: It really seemed like Jack and Crete picking up the win was completely secondary to just trying to inflict as much pain as possible on your opponent Russ: Yeah Crete and Jack won, but I really don’t think that that made one bit of difference to them. The rumors I have heard back stage is that Crete is looking for a match against Moose at the big four year anniversary show Razz: You would think that after all these years those two would have run out of ways to inflict pain on one another. Nash: I don’t think they will EVER run out of ways to hurt one another. Russ: I think Eric O’Mac and Outback Jack have both developed a reputation recently of being among the most violent men in OOWF history, it would seem that at some point, they are headed for a showdown as well.
IHOP & THE AMNESIAC vs. INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY – Campeonas de Trios Championship Match
Russ: The champions retain their titles, but not due to their own accord. The monstrous Fezzik somehow managed to get involved in the match and cost Insane Homeless Bunny a chance to head back to North America with the titles Nash: That Fezzik is HUGE! Who knew they grew them that big in Iceland! Razz: Seriously I sawr him in the back before the show and I literally came up to his waist! Nash: That wasn’t Fezzik, that was Lord Littlebrook Razz. Razz: You know, one of these days Nash, I am going to take one of these little elfin fists and jam it down your throat, pull out your spleen, then shove that up your ass, how would you like that? Nash: If you think you can do it……. Russ: Gentlemen, calm down. Let’s talk about the trios title, this is a new title here in the OOWF, but it is becoming one of the more hotly contested titles Razz: Hey, look, it gives some guys to win gold that might not normally have that chance. I mean look at the champs right now, IHOP kind of fell out of the tag team title race after losing the belts, but they managed to chase the Trios titles and they have once again claimed gold Nash: Hey anytime you can get gold around your waist, it is a good day. Russ: I am sure that Insane Homeless Bunny will get another shot at the belts, and I can only assume that Fezzik will not be making the trip with us back to North America, so the sides SHOULD be a little more even.
ATTIDUDE ADJUSTER vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Russ: Attitude Adjuster retained his title, but that isn’t even the big story, that dastardly Attitude Adjuster was going to hit Firewoman, AGAIN, with a tennis racket! I never thought I would say these words, but thank God for Tyson Kincaid Nash: You know, I talk a lot about my past in this business, the things I have done, and the things I have seen. When I spent some time in WCW, I learned psychology from one of the best wrestlers in the business in Ric Flair. This whole thing is Attitude Adjuster’s way of getting into Firewoman’s head. Now, that said, there is a fine line between psychology and desperation, and I think Attitude Adjuster may be pushing up against that desperation line. Razz: I have to agree here, I mean, Attitude Adjuster is a world class athlete, and he is also one of the smartest men in wrestling. He managed to get into Fire’s head, and it cost her the Onslaught championship. Right now though, I think Fire is showing that she is not falling for Attitude Adjuster’s tricks anymore. She wants that title, and the fact that AA would stoop to using a tennis racket only shows the levels of desperation he is sinking to Russ: I think the bigger question about this match is, what was Tyson Kincaid doing there? Ostensibly, he and AA are on the same side in this war, why would he help Fire? Razz: Well we saw Fire come out earlier during Kincaid’s gauntlet match, we know they have a past history that neither seems to want to come completely clean about…… Nash: C’mon guys, just say it. There is speculation all over the back, and the wrestling world as a whole that Tyson Kincaid is the father of Firewoman’s baby. Russ: There is nothing confirmed about that, Nash, you know as well as anyone else the kind of rumors that get started in wrestling locker rooms Razz: But where there is smoke, there is generally fire Russ…. Russ: Well we no longer have to wait, next up is a segment revealing just who is the father of Firewoman’s child.
Maury Comes to Greenland
It’s just moments after an epic Onslaught Title Match between Attitude Adjuster and Firewoman. Beethoven’s 5th blasts over the sound system and out from the back steps one LJ Bennett and he has a microphone.
LJ Bennett:Firewoman, enough is enough and you can stop your delaying. I told you we would find out who the father of your bastard child is. And we will find out right NOW!.
The crowd starts an “Asshole” chant towards Bennett but it doesn’t seem to affect him much as Firewoman grabs a microphone from the ring announcer.
Firewoman:Fine Bennett. I have no idea why you think this is your business or anyone else’s and why you feel like you need to get involved; but as usual you will get what you want. But we’re not going to do this your way, we’re going to do it mine. Alex, if you wouldn’t mind coming on out.
The Maury Povich Show theme hits and Alexander Darling makes his way out onto the entrance ramp with D.H. Magnusson and looking none to pleased to be coming out with Darling is WWE Superstar, Chris Jericho. It looks like they’ve put aside their differences for the time being though as D.H. and Jericho, while both being on “The List” are also out here to support their friend and possibly more in Firewoman. All three guys give Bennett a look as they pass him and then they make it into the ring as D.H. and Alexander stare down Attitude Adjuster and Tyson Kincaid who have stayed in the ringside area.
Bennett:Enough with the theatrics. Get on with it and tell us who the father is already or do you still not know because you’re such a …
Chris Jericho:I’d watch your fucking mouth LJ. I don’t have a contract here and nothing is stopping me from coming out there and punching you right in the face like another bitch who got involved in something that didn’t concern her.
Firewoman:Chris, don’t please. I can handle this. I appreciate you coming here, but just let me take care of everything. Alex, I guess you’re on now.
Alex takes his usual perch on top of one of the turnbuckles as the OOWF stagehands start scrambling and bringing in A LOT of chairs and getting the ring prepared for the upcoming show. As they get closer to finishing up, one of the stagehands hands Darling a clipboard with a whole bunch of envelopes. Alex taps on the microphone a few times.
Alexander Darling:Okay then. It doesn’t make me happy to be out here and doing this to someone I am really close with, but we’ve been backed into a corner and it’s probably better to get everything out in the open about this. Tyson, Alan, if you could step into the ring and take a seat and D.H. and Chris, you as well.
The four men take seats as far away from one another as possible and all seem to be eyeing each other up and down and wondering if any of them could be the father, or even if they themselves could be.
Alexander:Alright then, now there was a list posted and if I could have everyone who went to medical and submitted a blood sample to determine paternity come down to the ring and we can get this all sorted out.
Generic OOWF Music hits and the first people we see step out from the back are Firewoman’s partners, yes ALL of them, in Run DEA…Phantos, Lucios, a bandaged and hobbling Davin Moreland, Justin Sane, Carl from Fresno, and Firewoman’s own personal valet Lucky. Following the members of Run DEA is Icelandic Bellboy Sven and OOWF resident hero, Concrete Takakon Gryfon. Behind them are Seamus and Poe with Selena. And then bringing up the rear is Eric O’Mac and Moosehead Jack.
Everyone gets in the ring and they are all eyeing each other and the situation is really tense for the most part. Except, we see Lucky and Alexander conversing over something and then Alex hands over a plain white envelope to Lucky who just nods even though he has a weird look on his face.
Alexander:It looks like we now have everyone we need in the ring. If we can all take a seat…
A few people, especially Moose and Poe give Alexander looks of death but the reluctantly take a seat as well. Everyone except for Selena who slowly walks up to Firewoman and drops to her knees in front of her…hey, this is a family show…oh wait, she places her head on Firewoman’s stomach and starts rubbing it. Firewoman looks more than a little disturbed by this, but she steps back rather quickly and looks like she wants to kill Selena. Luckily Alexander jumps in rather quickly…
Alexander:Poe…if you wouldn’t mind.
Poe:Selena, my dear…come over here please.
Selena:But her stomach, there is someone there and they said hello to me. I want one of my own.
Poe smirks, Do you my goddess? In time…but for now, let us go through this charade and play their games.
Selena:I love games.
Selena jumps to her feet and bounces over to Poe and jumps up on his lap as he starts to stroke her hair…I said HAIR, people.
Firewoman:Alex, someone is actually missing…
Alexander:Another one…really Fire?
Firewoman:Don’t make me kill you. But Larry if you wouldn’t mind traveling the extra 20 feet…
Alexander:Actually Fire, that won’t be necessary.
Firewoman:And why is that?
Alexander:Well, because I happen to have one Lawrence Jay Bennett’s results right here and there’s not a chance he’s the father.
Firewoman:Oh, is that so?
Darling and Fire appear to have had something planned as this looks completely staged.
Bennett:Don’t either one of you dare.
Jericho:Bennett, I told you what would happen if you kept…
Alexander:Chrissy, you will get your say in due time…
Jericho:Hey assclown, don’t make me….
Firewoman:SHUT UP…both of you.
Alexander and Chris both put their heads down and look ashamed for a moment.
Firewoman:Alexander, you were saying…
Alexander:Right, right…Well, Mr. Bennett, I can say with 100% certainty that you are not the father of Firewoman’s child.
Firewoman:In fact, you will not be fathering anyone ever again. See, men your age Bennett sometimes have a problem in certain aspects of the bedroom.
AlexanderFuck the niceties. You can’t get it up LJ. You’re an impotent old man in the bedroom. And soon here in the OOWF. Now get the fuck out of here.
LJ Bennett is furious. He is glaring death at Darling who just nonchalantly stares back. Firewoman smiles somewhat evilly. Finally, after a tense few moments, Bennett turns back on his heel and storms to the back and we can hear Bennett muttering…
Bennett:You want to embarrass me…you’ll see who’s impotent you arrogant brat.
Alexander lets the situation settle down some before he takes another look at the clipboard and he seems to be contemplating which results he pulls out next. Firewoman tries to look over and Alexander turns away to keep her prying eyes off his little clipboard.
Alexander:I think we should start with those closest to Fire during her time here in the OOWF. Specifically her allies within Run DEA; Davin Moreland, Phantos, Lucios, Carl from Fresno, Justin Sane and myself, Alexander Darling. The results are in and it’s time to find out if any of us are indeed the father of Firewoman’s child.
Phantos:Alexander, as Team Captain, this is completely unnecessary. I have already admitted to being the baby daddy. If you can all just…
Lucios:Phantos, we know you aren’t…
Phantos:There’s a lot you don’t know about me.
Lucios:I know, I know.
Phantos:But really. I know I’m the daddy. I can feel it, so I want everyone to leave. Let me and Fire talk about things.
Davin:See, Phantos is admitting it. So, umm, yea, I’m not the father so I’m-a gonna go now.
Carl:Can I come? I really need a sammich.
Justin:What is it with you and sammichs? And LADDER is always back there just hanging around. Don’t make me go there.
Phantos:I know I’m the father.
Phantos:Am not…wait…man, that’s not nice Lucios.
Davin is just about to step through the ropes and we see that Firewoman is getting more and more aggravated as she sees him about to leave, hears the argument between Lucios and Phantos and notices that even Justin and Carl are getting frustrated with one another.
Firewoman:Enough…all of you. I can’t deal with placating all of you. This is difficult enough without you being an unfeeling jerl, Davin, and the rest of you making it more about you and what you want. So let’s just get this all over with, besides I bet you wanna know too, Alex.
Alexander:They’re all sorry Fire. As I was saying; I have the results for each member of Run DEA in my hands so lets go through them. First, Carl we can confirm with certainty that you are NOT the father.
Carl:Huh…didn’t you say I could get a cheese steak today if I came out here for this?
Alexander:Sure, Justin…why don’t you take him since you are also NOT the father. Moving on, tag team division killers Lucios and Phantos, tests were run multiple times for you since we needed to be sure after Phantos’s confessions, but we can say with absolute, without a doubt, guaranteed certainty, that neither of you are the father.
Phantos:HA…I told you all I was…wait, did you say wasn’t?
Alexander:I’m sorry Phantos, but you are not.
Phantos:First Jamie, now Li…Fire…why can’t I ever be the one they choose?
Lucios:It’s okay buddy. They’re your friends, those are more important. Besides I think Emma’s been sitting quietly in the back waiting for you.
Phantos:You think she might wanna…
Lucious:There’s lots you don’t know about her…
Alexander:And that leaves us with two more members…Davin, I would give you your results next, but since you’ve been an inconsiderate prick recently, you can just sit there and keep waiting.
Davin:Who the fuck do you think you are?
Alexander:Right now, I’m the one who didn’t try to send an ally to the hospital tonight. So sit there and shut up for a change.
Davin looks pissed as Lucios consoles Phantos as they head up the aisle way just a few steps behind Carl and Justin, as Justin makes sure that Carl doesn’t steal any of the kids in audience popcorns.
Alexander:With regards to my own potential for the paternity of this child…before I open this, Firewoman…I promise I will support you no matter what this says…
Alexander slowly opens the envelope with his name on it and he takes it out and slowly reads it over before he sighs and puts his head down. He hands the clipboard to Lucky…
I am NOT the father.
Alexander breaks into a dance that looks remarkably like this –
Firewoman glares at him: As if I would ever let you touch me.
Alexander:Sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me. Let’s move on now…Davin, you can keep waiting as we move onto four men that each have their own history with Firewoman. The extents of this history is mostly unknown, but today we will know if any of them have gotten biblical with her. Let’s move on to Concrete Gryfon, Seamus McNasty, Eric O’Mac, and Poe. If any of you would like to say something at this point, please do.
Concrete:Citizen Fire, I think it is time we end this charade. You know my name is only on the list to be…
Firewoman:Oh shut up you. Alex, read his damn results already so he can leave.
Alexander:Sorry to tell ya stud…time to get out. You are NOT the father. I guess our restraining order is still in effect.
Firewoman:Now please leave me alone Crete.
Concrete:Certainly Citizen Fire…I would not want to add more stress to your delicate condition…
Firewoman:GET OUT! OUT! OUT!
Crete just nods as he steps out of the ring and up the ramp. Alexander eyes the remaining men with his eyes quickly passing over Poe until they land on Eric O’Mac.
Alexander:So tell me something Eric, did all those yoga lessons Fire tried to give you while we were in DEA get to you? Become too much for you to handle? Are you the father of this child?
Eric:I never watched nor took her stupid lessons. Hell, I wouldn’t touch her with Beast’s dick.
From deep in the bowels of the arena we hear Kayfabe yell… NO RAPE!
Firewoman:Are you still jealous that my Onslaught reign was better than yours? That I’ve been a real champion here more recently than you?
Eric:Fuck you Fire. I am the PHWF World Heavyweight Champion.
Davin:Looks like a pretty, pretty princess belt to me.
Eric:Go fuck yourself Davin.
Firewoman:Hey Eric…Yo sé todo acerca del Trueno en Puerto Rico.
Eric starts to stare at Firewoman with a cold, dark look and we can see his rage starting to build.
Alexander:Let’s everyone settle down. This is not good for you or the baby Fire. And Eric, clearly you have not used you own dick and if Alexis…anyway, you’re NOT the father of the child.
Eric:Ask me if I fucking care.
Eric throws down his microphone and he leaves with a really smug, condescending look back towards the ring. But hidden in that look we can tell he is still disturbed by something that Firewoman’s said to him. Again Alexander looks around the ring as he quickly moves past Poe once again before resting on Seamus McNasty.
Seamus:You can stop right there Alex, my friend. My forklift of fun has not entered that garage in a long time. Once upon a…
Selena:Master…it is still singing to me. I want that one. I feel connected to it.
Firewoman:I swear Alex that if you don’t get her out of here…
Alexander:Could you not stir that up right now…please, we’re dealing with enough as it is.
Firewoman just glares more…alternating between Alexander, Seamus, and Selena at the moment.
Alexander:Mr. McNasty, you are correct and off the hook. You can leave now as you are NOT the father of this unborn child.
Seamus:Awesome! Now I can go to the pub to celebrate. Good day all!
All of a sudden Poe starts to laugh at the proceedings in the ring. Alexander starts to lose his cool as he hears the laugh get louder and louder.
Alexander:Poe is there anything…
Poe:Remember who you are talking to boy. I was just finding this whole situation humorous.
Firewoman:I’m glad you find this funny. Tell your girl to stop looking at me like that.
Poe smirks, Poe:Selena, my dear, please do not vex Firewoman any further. She might get angry and that would certainly not be pleasant for anyone here, and I do mean anyone. Poe finishes with a pointed look at both Firewoman and Alexander.
Alexander:Threaten me all you want you sick fuck. Go near her and I swear that what I’ve done to you in the past…
Poe starts to stand up just as Alexander loosens his tie but before anything further could happen Firewoman and Selena seem to calm them down for the moment.
Alexander:Poe…Firewoman was smart enough to stay away from you in Japan and it seems like her intelligence has carried over here and we can confirm that you are NOT the father. You may go now.
Poe:I’ll go, but me and you have unfinished business boy. It will be finished soon. Namasdeh boy, namasdeh.
With a nasty look as she says it towards Alexander but a bright smile towards Firewoman Selena:Nevermore.
Everyone left in the ring takes a long deep breath while Poe and Selena make their exit. Alexander takes a moment to confer with Lucky and Firewoman and he nods.
Alexander:Davin, we made you wait long enough. Go relax and remember who your friends are and how you treat them. Remember what is TRULY important. You’re NOT the father either.
Davin gives a half-glare, but nods as he gingerly steps out of the ring and makes his way towards the back where he is met by Samantha Darling who helps him the rest of the way. Alexander looks interested for a moment before he looks back down at the clipboard. He does a double-take before walking to the ropes and looking down at the doctor who did the testing.
Alexander:Are you sure this is who’s next?
The doctor just nods and Alexander turns back to the ring. He looks over the gentlemen left before his eyes come to rest on Firewoman and he almost looks really sad at what he’s about to do.
Tyson:Wait. I have something I need to say.
Firewoman looks at Tyson Kincaid with eyes wide. Jericho is clearly annoyed with Tyson, and he tries to get Alex to cut him off, but Alex ignores Chris and motions for Tyson to go ahead.
Tyson:I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I am NOT the father of Firewoman’s child. That does not preclude me from feeling that I am involved in this whole mess though.
Kincaid addresses Firewoman specifically, Everyone here knows that you and I have a history with one another. But what that history is will need to wait to another night. Probably Mayhem, if it doesn’t get erased by Microsoft. Now is not the time to burden you with anything more. I do hope you realize and appreciate what I’m doing for you by keeping silent. For tonight.
It looks like Tyson has nothing else to say even as Attitude Adjuster and Moosehead Jack both begin to look for more answers while Firewoman continues to stay expressionless. Alexander starts where he left off before Tyson asked for some time to speak…
Alexander:coughHOMOcough! Moving on, Christopher…we’ve never been friends. We probably never EVAR will be anything other than acquaintances, but there probably couldn’t have been a better choice to receive a positive result in this test. I know how much you care about her, but right now I regret to tell you, you’re NOT the father of Firewoman’s child.
Jericho just nods and looks down for a moment before walking over and giving Firewoman a long hug before stepping to her side and grabbing her hand. It doesn’t look like he plans on leaving.
Alexander:Okay, moving on to D.H. Magnusson—
Firewoman:Stop. Please. There’s no need for any more blood tests, Maury. Alexander smirks. She sighs, and looks at Jericho, who nods as if to say “Go ahead, it’s fine.”
D.H., you’ve been a great friend to me since the suspension, and I’ll never forget how great you’ve been. But, as you already know. It’s not you.
D.H. nods, and pats Firewoman on the head, in a way that’s totally not patronizing at all.
You see, there’s only two people on this stage with whom I’ve actually – well, ‘been with’ since joining OOWF. One, of course, is Jericho.
The fans cheer, as Jericho waves.
Firewoman: However, the timing is wrong, as this overseas trip has really cut into our togetherness time.
D.H. Magnusson:Sven. I knew it.
Firewoman:It’s not Sven.
Moosehead Jack:Ha! That’s a lie.
Firewoman:Sven is a wonderful guy, and very handsome. But all we did was hang out and drink. NOTHING HAPPENED.
The crowd murmurs, as they thought they had this all worked out. Sven looks around and says something in Icelandic. From somewhere in the back, Davin yells “Gimmick infringement doesn’t sparkle with me!”
Attitude Adjuster:I don’t believe that. Your reputation—
Tyson:I think you need to not say another word about her reputation.
Attitude Adjuster:Aaaaaah….now it’s starting to become clear. How overprotective you are, despite your pretty speech. I thought it was Darling at first, but now—
Alexander:Hey, leave me out of this.
Firewoman:If I may continue? The men shut up. The father of my child is….
She takes a deep breath and looks at each man before she continues. The crowd falls to a hush.
Firewoman:The father of my child is….ATTITUDE ADJUSTER.
The crowd is silent for a minute, and then erupts as everyone tries to make sense of it. The men in the ring are stunned, although Alex doesn't appear to be greatly surprised. But not nearly as stunned as the man just named!
Attitude Adjuster: That is a DIRTY LIE! You lying sleazy whore —
He barely gets the word out before D.H., Alexander, and Jericho start after him. Moose pulls him back. Moose appears impressed and amused at this turn of events.
Moosehead Jack:I’d say you have some explaining to do Fire.
Attitude Adjuster:I wouldn’t touch you with a tennis racket.
Firewoman:If I recall correctly, you already did. And turns out, it wasn’t your tennis racket I had to watch out for. The crowd laughs.
Attitude Adjuster:When do you claim this actually happened?
Firewoman:It happened in Mianus. The crowd erupts with laughter, and the men in the ring try really hard not to laugh, but fail miserably. Firewoman looks at them for a minute, then realizes what she said.
Oh alright, can we please grow up? Attitude … I guess I can call you Alan now. Alan, it happened after you lost a great deal of money at the casino and apparently spent the rest on whiskey. You came up to my room—
Attitude Adjuster: I would never even think about coming to your room, you skank. God knows what kinds of diseases I would catch.
D.H. Magnusson:I’m not warning you again. You watch your tone when talking to the mother of your child.
Attitude Adjuster:It’s not mine!!
Firewoman:I thought you might deny this, so I’ve prepared a little slide show of security photos. Truck monkeys, please?
The OOWF-Tron fires up. A picture of Attitude Adjuster in the hallway of a hotel appears. Even though it’s a still photo, it’s obvious he’s been drinking, by the way he’s leaning against the wall as he walks. The next slide, shows him in front of a hotel door, leaning against it as he knocks.
Attitude Adjuster:What? But…. I….
Firewoman:You pounded on the door, as you can see here, and kept slurring my name. I had to open the door, as you see in this next picture, so you’d stop disturbing the other guests.
The next slide shows the door open, with a sleepy Firewoman wearing a short robe inside, trying to hold up an apparently collapsing Attitude Adjuster.
Attitude Adjuster:That’s… But….
Firewoman:I tried to turn you down, I really did. But I just have a weakness for men .. well, for men in weakened conditions. They’re so compliant, they let me do anything I want. I’m afraid I just couldn’t resist your charms, Alan. Drunken and sloppy though they were.
Attitude Adjuster:I…. You…. No, it didn’t happen… I mean, I thought the bruises were from falling down a stairwell or something…
Firewoman:The pictures don’t lie, Alan.
Chris Jericho:Okay, I’ve been quiet through this. Fire and I have a unique relationship, it’s true, but it’s time for you to step up and take some responsibility. If you don’t, I will be very unhappy with you.
D.H. Magnusson:Count me in with that, Chris.
Alexander:Strangely… me too.
Attitude Adjuster:I refuse to believe it. I know I lost a bundle that night, and I…. I drank a lot….and I woke up in a room-
Firewoman:That wasn’t yours?
Attitude Adjuster:Yeah, it was room 105, and I was in room 207.
Firewoman:Truck monkeys, show a close up on the door.
They comply. It clearly shows Room 105. Attitude Adjuster is speechless, he’s clearly in a state of shock. Jericho gets up close to him.
Chris JerichoDo the right thing. Seriously.
Slowly people start to leave the ring. Firewoman is the last to leave, and turns and looks at Attitude Adjuster, as he’s still standing in the ring. They share a look for a moment. Firewoman hops down, assisted by DH Magnusson and Alexander Darling. She starts to walk up with them, but then turns back, and reaches under the ring for something. She pulls out a slightly charred tennis rack, looks at it and then at Attitude Adjuster with a blank expression, and tosses it into the ring. It lands at his feet. He looks at it, stunned, and then looks back up as the rest of the group disappears behind the curtain.
Russ:…….. Razz:…….. Nash:…….. Russ: I…….I don’t know what to say, ATTITUDE ADJUSTER? Razz: I am speechless Nash: This is…….wow Russ: If WE are experiencing this much shock, what could possibly be going through Attitude Adjuster’s mind right now? Nash: He hit her in the stomach with the racket…….his own child….. Russ: I…….I just have no idea what else to say, let’s move on to our next match
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM vs. THE DEAD & BLITZ
Russ: The champions retain…. Razz: Yeah, but, you know, not to take anything away from the champs, but a whole lot of it had to do with MacCappington and Hardcore’s inability to get along with Dead and Blitz. Nash: Yeah, this was a real wasted opportunity for Team Bennett, they had a chance to bring the tag team titles back into the fold, and they couldn’t get the job done Russ: We have seen infighting on both sides now, and I have to wonder something, so far this war has been kept going because of team unity on both sides, but I think it is clear to see that the unity that bound these two teams is starting to fall apart. What happens when that breaks down completely? Nash: When you lose unity on both sides, the war stops being a war as we know it. Once you lose the cohesiveness that kept both sides together, you bog down into anarchy, every man for himself Razz: And when that happens, then there really can’t be any winners, I mean, you have thirty plus people on this roster, you get them all looking out for their best interests, and it is anarchy. Russ: But wouldn’t the weakening resolve on either side lead to a speedier resolution? Nash: I am afraid it wouldn’t. Not sure if you noticed or not, but wrestlers are a stubborn bunch. Russ: Indeed they are. Let’s look at our next match of the evening.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Russ: Chris Cole could not solve Alexander Darling tonight, and he goes down to defeat after a butterfly pile driver. Nash: Darling won, and he got the clean win, but not without a price. That shoulder of his took a TON of damage tonight, he may not be the same. Razz: And you don’t realize how much you use your shoulder until it hurts and you can’t use it. This is going to be a serious problem for Darling in the future Nash: And he might as well have a bull’s-eye on that shoulder too, every opponent he faces knows he is not 100% and that shoulder will be the first thing they target. Russ: That appears to be the way it is going to work. Alexander Darling is nothing if not resilient though Razz: But at a certain point, if you are too injured to play, you are going to sit on the sidelines. Nash: Speaking of sitting on the sidelines, you see what I did there Russ? Russ: Yes, you set up the main event. Tytan faces LD Williams. Tytan had to survive a grueling series of matches to reach this point, but give him credit, he has made it. Nash: Ad he got to pick the stipulations in this match, and I have to say I am a little surprised by his decision, not so much the Hell in the Cell, but the fact that Tytan chose to have men INSIDE the cage with him. Razz: I think you have to wonder about Tytan, there is no question the man has the physical skills to win the title, but does he have the mental make up to win it? This is his first high profile match, on pay per view, against arguably the best wrestler in the OOWF today, it will be interesting to see if the situation overwhelms him.
LD WILLIAMS vs. TYTAN – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Hell In The Cell Match – Stank, Davin Moreland, Poe and Moosehead Jack Special Enforcers Inside the Cage
Russ: What an amazing match! Razz: Tytan has nothing to be ashamed of there, he fought the match of his life, but just came up a little short tonight Nash: It is certainly something to build off of for Tytan Russ: However, once again, Davin Moreland decided he needed it make it al about him. Was there ANY reason for him to hit LD Williams with the title after the match? Nash: Well, I think he was aiming for Tytan actually…. Russ: Please, we all know Davin’s aim is not that bad, he was doing this to send a message to LD Williams. It seems amazing to me that he could turn his back on Stank all for the sake of the title. Razz: Well, after what he did to Stank earlier today, and the shot he took at LD tonight, I think Davin may have a little bit of explaining to do. Russ: Folks we are completely out of time! Thank you for joining our abbreviated version of OOWF Judgment Eve III Pay Per View! For Razz and Nash, I’m Russ, join us again next time!
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Show, Live September 28 from Dayton, Ohio! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! September 3rd, from Burnside Harbor, Nunavut Canada!
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem Live! From St. Catharines , Ontario Canada
GODS & MONSTERS vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS
Angelo Barros is YOUR referee!
WWE & TNA come down to the ring first, trying to look menacing, drawing mostly laughs from the fans. They look at each other dejectedly as they climb into the ring and pose for the crowd. "For Whom the Bell Tolls" starts up and Poe slowly walks out, glowering to the crowd from under the blood-soaked towel. He stops at the base of the ramp and glowers at CTC as he carefully removes the towel from his head. The Ultimo Inc ad plays, followed by "For the Love of God" by Steve Vai. Tytan rises slowly from under the entranceway. He's alone this time but walks up to Poe. (somewhere backstage, Kayfabe is restraining Firewoman - something about "Separate entrances"...)
The two monsters are met by flying planchas from CTC but both are caught easily! Crowd oohs and aahs as Tytan shifts TNA into a gorilla press position before dropping him across the STEEL steps! Poe puts WWE on his shoulder and RAMS him into the ring post. The two giants leave WWE and TNA on the floor and enter the ring, Tytan removing his "Ultimo Inc" vest while Poe removes his duster. WWE is first to his feet and he slides into the ring. Poe gives WWE a look of disdain before nodding to Tytan. Tytan steps out of the ring and picks up the tag rope while Poe picks up WWE. The bell finally rings and WE ARE UNDERWAY.
Poe starts by slinging WWE to a corner (where TNA should be but he hasn't gotten over there yet). WWE looks around groggily, wondering where his partner went. Poe methodically marches to the corner and starts throttling WWE. Barros starts the five count but a withering glare from Poe sends him scurrying out of the ring. Poe gathers WWE and hip tosses him back to the middle of the ring, stepping on him as he tags Tytan in.
Tytan climbs in and gathers WWE, looking him over before deciding what to do. TNA is just getting into position in his corner. Tytan grins and drags WWE over to the corner, holding up WWE's hand for TNA to tag. TNA refuses at first, but Tytan insists - and knocks their heads together! Barros calls it as a tag (Fearing for his life) and TNA is forced to climb in. Tytan slides WWE under the bottom rope gently (and WWE careens into the barricade outside, pushing it back about a foot).
TNA flails wildly at Tytan, who just stands there with a sick little grin on his face. Tytan palms TNA's face and walks him back to the other corner. With a nod he hoists TNA up in a gorilla press, does five reps and just drops him face first in the middle of the ring. Poe tagged in, who gathers TNA by the hair and hoists him up. He too does five reps but finishes it with a power bomb. He marches up to Tytan and tags him back in. Tytan gathers TNA and hoists him up, does TEN reps and finishes it with a power bomb. As they take turns mangling TNA, Dr. Podvod walks down, taking notes as Poe triple-power bombs TNA and throws him to the corner. Incensed, WWE tags himself in and charges Poe with a leaping punch. Poe catches WWE by the throat and tosses him - ONE-HANDED! - to Tytan, who catches WWE and slams him to the mat. Tytan climbs in and gathers WWE as Poe drags TNA's carcass out of the corner. Dr. Podvod nods as Tytan climbs up the corner with his victim and Poe hoists his over his shoulders. Tytan leaps off the middle rope! ULTIMO ENDING FOR WWE! Poe turns to stand over one carcass to plant the other! CRUCIFIXION ON TNA! The cover is merely a formality as Poe covers for the win. WINNERS in 7:34 - Poe and Tytan
The two giants shake hands and leave separately. The janitorial staff is asked to clean up the mess in the middle of the ring.
SPIN HANSEN vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
Apocalyptic Existence and Chad Patton come to the ring first, Chad is carrying his trusty gym bag with him. They go over some last minutes strategy in the corner while Spin Hansen is announced. Spin comes to the ring, all business as usual and slides under the ropes. As soon as Spin gets into the ring, Patton yells NOW! And Apocalyptic Existence charges across the ring and attacks. AE catches Spin with a boot to the back of the head, then pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and connects with a drop kick to the mouth that sends Spin back against the ropes, where he gets his arms trapped between the top and the middle ropes! Spin is at the mercy of AE, which is not a good place to be. AE charges in and catches Spin with a boot to the face and hammers him with punches to the head while the referee works to free him. Finally after taking too many shots to the head, the referee gets Spin out of the ropes. Once he is freed, Spin drops to one knee trying to regain his composure. AE bounds off the ropes and charges, aiming a knee at the side of Spin’s head, but Spin moves out of the way and sweeps AE’s feet from beneath him! AE does a 360 and slams to the mat. Spin pulls him to his feet and sends him to the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a clothesline. Spin pulls AE to his feet and peppers him with several forearms to the side of the head, then whips AE to the corner and follows him in with an avalanche. Spin sets AE on the top rope and climbs to the middle rope and grabs AE in a bear hug and throws him off the top rope with a release overhead suplex! AE flies across the ring and lands hard. Spin crawls across the ring and covers, but AE kicks out at two. Spin pulls AE to his feet and lifts him for a vertical suplex, then drops him on the top rope, hits the ropes and catches AE with a running forearm to the head that sends him off the rope, to the outside, crashing onto the floor. Chad Patton rushes over and helps AE to his feet and hands him his gym bag. Spin grabs AE by the head from inside the ring and starts to pull him onto the apron. AE swings the bag upward, trying to catch Spin with a shot to the head, but Spin catches the bag with the other hand and rips it out of AE’s grip! Spin holds the side of AE’s head with one hand, and with the other slams the bag into the side of his head! AE pretty much goes limp, and Patton looks horrified. Naturally the referee inside the ring didn’t see a thing. Spin pulls a barely conscious Apocalyptic Existence into the ring, sends him to the ropes and catches him with a THUNDEROUS spine buster. Spin gets to his feet and motions for the HAIR OF THE DOG! And the crowd goes nuts! Spin pulls AE up, and lifts him for a suplex, then DRIVES him to the mat! This one is over. Spin hooks the leg, one, two, three! WINNER in 5:24 – Spin Hansen
DEAD & BLITZ vs. ZK DEBEERS & DAMON WRATH
The unlikely team of Damon Wrath and ZK DeBeers are announced and come to the ring, separately. DeBeers tries to establish himself as the leader of the team, but Wrath pretty much completely ignores him. Dead and Blitz come to the ring, and Dead appears to be barking orders at Blitz, Blitz nods his head and gets a look of pure determination on his face. Blitz leaps over the top rope and immediately attacks DeBeers, backing him into the corner with chops and punches. Blitz tries a whip across the ring, but DeBeers reverses it and sends Blitz toward the corner. Blitz hops to the top rope, and in one fluid motion, spins and catches a charging DeBeers with a perfect cross body block for a two count. DeBeers powers out and quickly crawls to his corner and tags in Damon Wrath. Blitz tags in The Dead, and they slowly circle in the middle of the ring, then lock up. Wrath slips behind Dead and lifts him off his feet, then slams him to the mat, but Dead sits out of the move and gets right back to his feet and tries a round house kick, but Wrath avoids it and catches Dead with a stiff kick to the side of his knee. Dead takes a few steps back and shakes his leg. Wrath grabs him and sends him to the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Dead ducks and heads to the opposite ropes and makes the blind tag to Blitz. Dead slides between Wrath’s legs and gets to his feet, when Wrath turns around to face Dead, Blitz springs off the top rope and takes Wrath to the mat with a bulldog. Blitz rolls him over and covers, but DeBeers breaks it up at two. Blitz pulls Wrath to his feet and catches him with several kicks to the ribs and side of the head, then hits the ropes and charges, but Wrath elevates Blitz and brings him down across his knee driving all the air out of him. Wrath grabs Blitz and hits a half-nelson suplex that folds Blitz up. Wrath gets to his feet and waits for Blitz to get to his feet, Blitz struggles up and Wrath is about to charge, when DeBeers reaches out and tags himself into the match. DeBeers steps between the ropes, and charges at Blitz, but Blitz catches DeBeers with a drop toe hold, hanging him up on the second rope. Blitz pulls the referee aside and feigns an injury to his knee. While the referee is checking on that, The Dead runs down the apron and drops a leg across the back of DeBeers head. DeBeers falls back into the ring and suddenly Blitz is ok again. Blitz pulls DeBeers to his feet and hits a double chicken wing release suplex, then tags in Dead. Dead steps between the ropes and waits for DeBeers to get to his feet, when he does, Dead hits CLOSE THE CASKET! DeBeers is DEAD! Dead tags Blitz in, and Blitz springs to the top rope and hits the AJ Styles springboard 360 splash! Blitz hooks the leg, one, two, THREE! Wrath never even moved to step into the ring. WINNERS in 5:54 – Dead & Blitz
After the match, Damon Wrath does the partnerly thing and helps DeBeers to his feet. DeBeers shoves him hard and screams at him for not breaking up the pin. Wrath counters that DeBeers should not have tagged himself in. The two go nose to nose arguing, then Wrath shoves DeBeers away and turns to walk away when DeBeers reaches into his pocked, grabs Wrath and spins him back around and BLASTS HIM with a shot to the face. Wrath drops like he has been shot, and suddenly there appears to be a lot of change on the mat. A lot of quarters. Almost as if a roll of quarters had been broken open. Curious. ZK DeBeers sneers and stands over the unconscious Damon Wrath and poses for the crowd, who all boo him loudly. Finally he leaves the ring and heads to the back.
ERIC O’MAC vs. OUTBACK JACK
Each man enters the ring with an intense amount of focus. The referee calls for the opening bell as the two stare each other down in the middle of the ring. Eric O'Mac begins to say something that is undecipherable because of the crowd noise. Outback Jack seems to smile for a moment and then takes a step back. Eric begins to laugh until Jack steps forward with a vicious punch that connects squarely to the side of Eric's head. O'Mac begins to backpedal as Jack continues to lay haymaker after haymaker. Eric gets backed into the corner and Jack winds up for another punch. Eric somehow is able to duck the big right hand and gets himself out of the corner. Outback Jack turns around just in time for his jaw to meet the knuckles of Eric O'Mac. Now Eric gains control and starts peppering Jack with rights and lefts. Now it's Jack who has his back to the corner, and Eric shows no signs of letting up. Jack's head snaps back from a brutal punch and Eric backs up and charges the corner. Jack manages to get a boot up, however, and makes solid contact with Eric's face, stopping him in his tracks. Jack roars out of the corner and drops Eric with a back elbow. Eric quickly gets to his feet as Jack is charging once again, but this time Eric is a step quicker and takes Jack down with a drop toe hold. Eric follows up by dropping an elbow directly into Jack's sternum. Eric goes for another, but Jack rolls away and Eric catches nothing but mat. Both men get up to their feet and begin slugging it out once more. Jack gains the advantage and sends Eric into the ropes, but Eric comes leaping back with a flying forearm. Jack stumbles backwards but catches himself on the ropes and avoids going down. Eric runs in and tries to clothesline him over the top rope and onto the floor, but he's telegraphed it and Jack is able to lift him high for a back-body drop to the floor. Eric looks like he's had the wind knocked out of him as he struggles to get to his feet. Jack makes his way to the outside and catches a semi-upright Eric with an overhand right. Eric stumbles backwards but somehow maintains his balance. Jack grabs Eric and tries to whip him into the barricade, but Eric reverses it and Jack crashes into it ribs-first. Eric picks up Jack and rolls him back into the ring. He follows and begins laying the boots to Outback Jack. Somehow Jack catches Eric's boot and shoves him away, allowing Jack to get back to his feet. Eric catches Jack in the stomach with a boot and attempts to whip Jack into the corner. Jack puts the brakes on, however, and instead pulls Eric back in towards him and delivers a devastation shoulder to Eric's face. Eric falls backwards clutching at his head, and soon blood begins to trickle from between his fingers. Eric props himself up on one knee and looks at the amount of blood covering his hands. Eric appears to have a severe cut under his right eye and a busted and bloodied nose. Eric looks down at the mat where his blood is dripping and begins to smile. He gets to his feet and motions for Jack to "bring it". Jack obliges and the two slug it out. Apparently the blood has lit a fire under Eric, because he is firing on all cylinders. Jack is able to get a few punches in but right now the fight is being controlled by Eric O'Mac. Eric sends Jack hard into the ropes, and Jack comes storming back with a clothesline. Eric ducks it and catches Jack on the bounce-back with a sick spinning back elbow that sends Jack reeling. Eric charges at Jack and tackles him. He throws punch after punch at Jack's head. Jack is trying to block as many as he can, but a good portion of the punches are finding their mark. The referee jumps in to break it up, and after a few more punches, Eric reluctantly backs off. Jack gets to his feet and he's doing some bleeding of his own. His lip and mouth are busted wide open and he's got a nasty bruise forming over his eye. Jack feels his face and now he smiles as well. Both men's faces look like something out of a horror movie, but neither man seems disturbed by this in the least. They go right back at each other, and the blood is flying everywhere. Jack throws a heavy punch that connects and sends Eric staggering backwards, but then Eric steps up and throws a vicious punch of his own. Jack staggers backwards but also refuses to go down. Both men continue to land slow, heavy punches, but each man is too resilient (or too stubborn) to go down. Eric is finally able to duck a punch and begins to choke Outback Jack! The referee begins to give his warning as Jack reaches out and grabs Eric by the throat! Both men are having trouble breathing but neither will break the hold. Eric pushes Jack into the corner to try and gain some leverage, but Jack reverses it and he now has Eric in the corner. The referee continues to plead with both men to break their holds, but eventually has had enough and calls for the bell. WINNER in 15:57 - NO CONTEST
Both men continue to try and choke the life out of one another and the referee is forced to call security into the ring. After much struggling, security is able to divide the two men. They continue to stare each other down, however, and then begin to yell at one another. Suddenly, both men break free of security and begin to attack each other once more. Both men are battered and bruised, but neither seems to give a damn at the moment. Fists and blood fly in the middle of the ring until security is once again able to pull these two apart. After the two men are finally taken away from the ring area, the referee signals for the cleanup crew to mop up some of the blood before the next match.
IHOP & THE AMNESIAC vs. INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Elimination Title Match
Insane Homeless Bunny is introduced first. No rap as they come down, they appear to be all business. IHOP & The Amnesiac are down next, and are accompanied by the giant Fezzik. IHB attacks as a unit, sending Skurge tumbling to the arena floor and sending the Champions scurrying. Referee Mel Creech manages to establish some order and we kick off with SYB and Carl From Fresno. SYB poses and draws the ire of the crowd. He yells “Look, a Sandwich!” The distraction lets SYB get the advantage on Carl. Side Headlock. Into the ropes for a clothesline. SYB picks Carl up and slams him to the mat. SYB tries to drop an elbow, but no one is home. Carl rolls to his corner and tags in Bunny. Bunny Springboards off the tope rope and connects with a forearm. Hurrincanrana. Rolling Thunder. Cover for a 2 count. SYB low blows Bunny and tags in Skurge. Skurge is greeted with a dropkick and stumbles into a neutral corner. Tag to Justin. Bunny kneels in front of Skurge and Justin NAILS Poetry in Motion! Amnesiac tries to equal things out, but Creech keeps him at bay. Carl is in and whips Skurge into the ropes, as he and Justin hit a 3D! Bunny comes flying off with a Double Jump Twisting Moonsault! Bunny rolls out of the ring and Justin covers Skurge for the 1…2…3! Skurge has been eliminated Amnesiac comes in and decks Justin. Scoop Slam. Amnesiac drops an elbow. Lung Blower on Justin Sane. Amnesiac covers for 1…2… and Carl is in to break up the pin. SYB enters and gets thrown through the ropes and hits the rings steps as he hits the floor by Bunny. Carl and Justin go High/Low on Amnesiac and lay him out. Carl picks him up, Michinoku Driver! Justin goes up top and hits The Moment of Clarity! Cover and 1…2…3! The Amnesiac has been eliminated The crowd is electric as SYB gingerly re-enters the ring. Suddenly, a man is seen riding down the ramp on horseback. Grey Goatee and black gloves. He approaches the ring, sword drawn. It Can’t Be! The Six Fingered Man! Count Grogan has arrived at ringside! SYB takes advantage of everyone’s shock and hits the Jersey Turnpike on Justin. A quick DDT and he gets a 1..2…3! Justin Sane has been eliminated Bunny charges in and tangles with SYB. They go at it full tilt, throwing fists, elbows, chops and even a head butt from Bunny. SYB staggers back and Bunny launches himself at SYB. SYB rolls through it and ends up with a small package on Bunny. A handful of tail and it’s a 1..2…3! Bunny has been eliminated Carl rushes in the ring attacks. SYB is clearly gassed, and ducks out of the ring. Carl attempts to plancha on top of SYB, but Fezzik steps in the way and Carl lands on him! Fezzik stumbles about as Carl holds tightly around the behemoth’s neck. Fezzik backs in to each ring post once, trying to shake the man off his back, but slowly fades and falls to the floor unconscious. Carl gets up and eats a chair shot from SYB. Mel Creech doesn’t see this, as his attention has been taken by a man in a black cloth mask. THE DRED PIRATE ROBERTS! SYB drags Carl into the ring and hurls him into the corner. He grabs Creech and pulls him aside. Roberts climbs to the apron, knocks Carl out cold with the handle of his sword, and races to the back. Creech turns around, SYB hits the Hebrew Hammer on Carl and gets the 1…2…3! WINNERS in 16:23 - IHOP & The Amnesiac
FIREWOMAN vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. TYSON KINCAID – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
There are a lot of interesting dynamics in the ring right now, and it'll be interesting to see how they play out in this match. The bell rings we're underway, except for Attitude Adjuster, who promptly take the sound of the bell as his cue to roll out under the bottom rope. Firewoman makes an automatic lunge towards him, referee Davis Hightower is already in her way, imploring AA to get back into the ring. AA responds by taunting Fire, who tries unsuccessfully to get past Hightower. Kincaid spins Fire around by the shoulder and looks to be trying to talk to her, but she responds with a quick go-behind and roll-up!
One count only and Kincaid kicks out, but the look of AA's face tells the story; he's just been reminded that he doesn't have to be pinned to lose his title. Meanwhile in on the inside, the look on Tyson Kincaid's face tells a completely different story as he fixes a stare at Firewoman, until Seamus barrels out of the corner with a big-time body check that sends the unaware Kincaid hard into the corner. Firewoman cuts AA off as he tries to make his way into the ring with a flurry of punches, kicks and forearm shots that send him falling to the outside, with her in pursuit. Seamus buries several elbows into Tyson's head while he's trapped in the corner before whipping him across the ring and charging in, getting a boot for his effort. Second attempt gets the same result, and it turns Seamus around, giving Kincaid the opening for a chop- lock, taking the big Irishman out at the knees! Kincaid back to his feet, and hits a shining wizard to the back of Seamus' head! Cover and a hook of the leg...
1... 2... Kick out by Seamus, and Kincaid latches on a chin lock. On the outside Firewoman is still fully on the attack, whipping AA into the rail. AA hits his knees, begging off, but Firewoman isn't having any of it! She grabs the champ by the head, pulling him up, but AA responds with a savage rake to the eyes, blinding her! AA takes Firewoman headfirst into the rail, then brings up his boot, dragging her face across the bootlaces before letting the ringside fans know how smart he is.
Back in the ring, Seamus has fought back up to a vertical base, and he's managed to turn into the chin lock, causing it to become side lock, that he shoves his way out of. Tyson hits the ropes, and Seamus has the big boot ready, but Tyson slides under, grabbing the base leg and pulling up into a Lion-Tamer! Seamus isn't quite close enough to the ropes, and it looks like he might...NO! AA grabs Seamus' hand and drags him into the ropes, forcing the break! AA sticks a thumb in Seamus' eye on his way back into the ring, and he shares a look with Kincaid before both men start putting the boots to Seamus! Pick up by both men as they load him up...Double Slingshot suplex! AA and Tyson exchange a quick high-five before AA instructs Kincaid to pick up the Irishman again, but AA goes for a quick schoolboy of Kincaid! He's got two big handfuls of tights, as Hightower slides in...
Shoulder roll at 2 and half by Tyson, and he pops up LIVID at AA! Attitude Adjuster suddenly goes into peacemaker mode, but Tyson is having none of it! He grabs AA and...
SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE from the apron from Firewoman! Kincaid and AA go down hard, and the crowd ROARS as Firewoman kips up before delivering a flying knee drop to Kincaid! Firewoman hooks the leg and
The pin is broken up by AA, who drags Firewoman up and backwards by her hair! AA sets up for an inverted DDT, but Seamus is back up, and he grabs AA by the back of the head and sets HIM up for an inverted DDT, before powering him up into a standing powerslam!
Firewoman breaks up the pin, and Seamus gets up patting Firewoman on the head...With gets his a slap across the face that sounds like a rifle going off! That got his attention! He grabs Firewoman, and buries a quick knee to her midsection before loading her up for what looks like it's going to be the Wild Irish Rover...Until a dropkick from Kincaid sends him over the top rope! Seamus tumbles out and lands on his feet, but catches two feet from Firewoman as she leaps to the second rope and turns around, catching Kincaid with a springboard bulldog! That's the setup, and the FIRESTOMP~! is the payoff! Kincaid is out! Fire rolls him over...
And AA spins her around and LEVELS her with big right hand! Firewoman drops like a sack of wet oatmeal, amidst a shower of quarters! Attitude Adjuster covers her, a sick smile on his face:
NO! Seamus is back in the ring, delivering a running boot to AA! He's quick to capitalize with another boot to the face, and he quickly grabs AA up fires him off into the ropes...IRISH CAR BOMB! The leg is hooked:
1... 2... 3!~ WINNER VIA PINFALL in 14:54 and NEW ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION: SEAMUS McNASTY! B
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
The Fag Team jumps the champs at the bell before they can get the titles off. FFM tosses Phantos to the floor, and they double team Lucios in the corner. They pound away, then get a slam and leg drop combo. Phantos springboards back in and clotheslines FFM and Ryan down. He kicks the hell out of Ryan, but MacCappington tackles him to stop that, and things settle down with Ryan and Lucios. Lucios uses his size to gain the advantage and Hardcore takes a crazy bump off a shoulder block. Another oversell off a backdrop, and Hardcore is tangled in the ropes. Lucios takes a couple of shots, and then frees him, and Ryan goes to the eyes to escape for good. Tag to FFM, but he eats a drop toehold, and tag to Phantos and the champs get some double team work in. Quick tags in and out as they target the leg, trying to get the big man off his feet. Phantos slingshots over and down on the knee. He tries a figure four, but FFM kicks him off and into the WGFT corner, and Ryan gets a sucker punch in. Phantos staggers around, and FFM boots him right out of the ring. Ryan hops down and gets some shots in before Lucios chases him off. Back in, and FFM flattens Phantos with a leg drop and tags in Ryan. Hardcore comes in with a double stomp off the top, then a rolling thunder senton. Ryan slaps Lucios to draw him in, and the heels do some cheating, complete with the "slap hands to fake a tag" thing, and FFM winds up clobbering Phantos in the corner. The Fag Team spends the next 4-5 minutes just killing Phantos before Phantos reverses an Irish whip, sending Ryan into FFM and Phantos dives for the hot tag to Lucios! Lucios is in and nails Ryan, then a power slam. MacCappington back in and Lucios kicks him in the gut and gets a pump handle slam. Hardcore tries a running enziguri, but Lucios ducks it, then grabs Hardcore from the mat and gives him a German suplex in one motion. FFM decks him from behind though and sets up for GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS~! But Phantos comes off with a missile dropkick to Lucios' back, causing FFM to fall back with Lucios on top! One, two... but Ryan makes the save! Hardcore dropkicks Phantos to the floor, and the Fag Team sets up what looks to be a double team with FFM coming off the top rope. MacCappington's ready to go, and Ryan tries a uranage, but Lucios overpowers him and whips him into the corner! Hardcore's head goes straight into FFM's crotch! FFM falls to the floor, and when Ryan stumbles back to the middle of the ring, Lucios drills him with a T-Bone Suplex. Phantos hits a moonsault for good measure, and Lucios pins Hardcore to retain the titles. WINNERS in 20:13 and STILL OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: PHANTOS & LUCIOS
After the match FFM climbs back into the ring and tries to help his partner up, but Hardcore smacks his hand away. FFM immediately bristles and asks him why the hell he would do that, Hardcore just stares at MacCappington, then softens a bit and slaps MacCappington on the back. The two slowly leave the ring together and head to the back.
ALEXANDER DARLING vs. DH MAGNUSSON vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
The crowd cheers politely as D.H. Magnusson makes his way to the ring, then switches to boos as Chris Cole enters the arena. “There Can Be Only One” booms over the sound system and the crowd erupts. The Intercontinental Champion, Alexander Darling, steps onto the stage and pauses for “Prelude 12/21” before heading to the ring to “Princes of the Universe”. Alex enters the ring and holds the title up with one hand before handing it to referee Mel Creech, who displays it to the crowd and calls for the bell. DHM sprints across the ring, but Alex sidesteps and he hits the corner hard. Alex turns to attack, but gets clobbered by a clothesline from Cole. Cole slings Alex to the ropes, and hooks his arm on the return trip, sending Alex spinning through the air and wrenching his damaged shoulder. Cole pulls Alex to his feet, but DHM spins him around, kicks him in the stomach, and plants him with a DDT. DHM grabs Alex and lifts him with a flying hammerlock before slamming him face-first into the mat. DHM rolls Alex over, but Cole yanks him away before he can cover. Cole & DHM lock up, and DHM powers him back to the corner, clubbing away with punches. An Irish whip sends Cole hard into the opposite turnbuckles, and DHM follows him in with a shoulder block. DHM lifts Cole and sits him on the top turnbuckle. He climbs up for a superplex, but Cole fights back. They exchange punches, and DHM falls back, but hooks Cole’s head and drives him to the mat with a DDT. Alex pounces on DHM, flips him over and drives his face into the mat with a Curb stomp, then dives onto Cole and hooks the leg, but Cole just manages to roll a shoulder before the three. Alex scoops him up for a body slam, but Cole slips out, dropping behind Alex and pulling him back into a Backstabber. Cole flips Alex over and plants his knee in his shoulder, tying up his arm and leaning back. Alex screams in pain, but refuses to submit. It looks like Alex might pass out from the pain, but DHM kicks Cole in the face, forcing him to release the hold, and wrenching Alex’s shoulder further in the process. DHM pulls Cole to his feet and levels him with the Jersey Hammer, then tosses him over the ropes to the floor. DHM moves in on Alex as he gets up, and Alex catches him with a shot to the midsection. DHM doubles over, and Alex drives a knee into his forehead. Alex shoves DHM into the corner and hits a series of punches and kicks, then whips him across the ring. DHM puts on the brakes and pulls Alex back, catching him with a release overhead suplex. DHM plants Alex with a body slam, delivers a few kicks, and goes to the ropes, but Cole pulls down the ropes, toppling him to the outside. Cole slides into the ring and drives an elbow into Alex’s shoulder and makes a cover, but Alex kicks out. Cole rolls to his feet as DHM gets back in the ring, and greets him with an elbow to the face. Cole lifts DHM for the Headliner, but Alex catches him with a low blow from behind. Cole drops DHM, who lands on his head and gets tangled in the ropes. As Cole staggers, Alex hooks him from behind and rolls him up for the three. WINNER, and still OOWF Intercontinental Champion, in 14:47, Alexander Darling.
LD WILLIAMS vs. DAVIN MORELAND – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
The house lights go dark briefly before the first guitar strains of “Pull Me Under” start. The crowd is in full-throat booing mode; and that’s to be expected. This is a home game for the Champ. Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling both make their way down the ramp, and they seem both unaffected, and to have expected this reaction. There are a few “SQUEE”s, but it’s really muted. Even the kids cheering is muted. Davin takes off his robe folds it and hands it to Samantha. They nod to each other, and she makes her way to the outside. “Jekyll and Hyde” from Petra starts up with requisite pyro; and St. Catherines goes ABSOLUTELY BATSHIT, and there’s a legitimate chance of the roof blowing off the joint. LD Williams has a HUGE smile on his face and raises his belt high for everyone to see. It’s a slow walk down the ramp, and he’s even slapping hands with the fans. It’s not very often Williams gets the full-on face treatment. Finally Williams gets into the ring, and is surprised to see Davin giving him what seems to be a genuine round of applause. LD hands the belt to Senior OOWF Referee Mel Creech, who holds it high in the air. This match is for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Creech hands the belt to the outside and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Davin and LD circle each other to start, doing some hand-fighting…a real Greco-Roman start. Finally Davin is able to grab a wrist, turn it into an arm-wringer, and then a hammerlock. LD slaps his shoulder twice (required) and just EXPLODES out of the hold by a hard spin and a quick, hard Greco-Roman takedown. LD immediately shifts into a Fujiwara Arm bar, and Davin is in trouble already. Creech actually moves from where he was standing to check on Davin, but YOU CAN’T MAKE DAVIN TAP! Davin, in an extraordinary show of strength gets to his knees, and then eventually to his feet, with LD still applying the hold! Davin grabs LD’s foot with his other arm and swings him UP and DOWN with a HUGE MODIFIED POWERBOMB! LD obviously releases the hold finally, and Davin quickly bails out of the ring near Samantha in a tremendous amount of pain. He has her check for a dislocation, but she doesn’t find one. Samantha pats Davin on the head, and Davin flips her off jokingly before rolling back into the ring. LD is STILL out but is stirring. Davin tries to shake his arm out, and gets to LD. Davin shoves him in the corner, and starts ASSAULTING LD with Chops (no Woos, because, well, they’re not happy with this turn of events) with his good arm. Davin quickly jumps and gets a leg lock on LD’s head, and snaps off a SWEET HURRICARANA! Wasting no time, Davin goes to the top and faces the crowd. He leaps and HITS a beautiful MOONSAULT and floats into the cover. That gets two.
Davin’s quick to his feet, and hits a SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT and floats THAT into a cover, that only gets two as well. Davin pulls up LD and WHIPS him into the corner, and CHARGES in NAILING LD with a SPEAR! You could almost hear the air blow out of LD’s lungs on that one as he collapsed to the mat. Davin goes up top again and he’s gonna fly! HESITATION SHOOTING STAR PRESS! Davin floats into that cover…1, 2, th…NO! At the last second LD kicks out, and Davin looks perplexed. He seems to shift gears, and quickly locks in a SHARPSHOOTER, and it’s in a good spot! Davin starts with the “ask him” requests, and LD is hurting, but certainly isn’t going out like this. Davin is too big to drag across the ring, but through the POWER of the SHAKY ARM, and using some insane leg strength, he is able to KICK DAVIN OFF and send him flying…RIGHT INTO MEL CREECH! REF BUMP! Both Davin and LD get to their feet slowly and notice that Creech is down. They both kind of shrug and lockup in the middle of the ring, which draws a HUGE ovation. Finally, Davin shoves LD off into the ropes, and chases after him, stops short and catches LD on the rebound, hitting him with a HUGE BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! He looks over to Creech, and slaps him around a bit trying to wake him up, but it’s no use. Davin saunters over to attack LD, but LD TRIPS him and Davin lands throat first on the rope, and he kind of hangs there. LD is up quickly, and showing some impressive agility, LEAPFROGS Davin, spins in mid-air and STUN GUNS DAVIN on the rope as lands on his feet out on the floor.
Samantha comes over and starts yelling at LD, and LD starts yelling back. Everyone is focused on these two arguing, and NOBODY sees Davin hit a FLYING REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER FROM THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!
Russ: BAH GAWD! Oh Dear Sweet Jesus Christ on a Cracker he might have killed him.
LD is clearly out and this time Davin pats Samantha on the head, and gets the one-fingered salute in return. Davin smirks and goes over to the timekeepers table and grabs the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship Belt. He considers putting it around his waist, but instead tosses it in the ring. He picks up LD like a sack of potatoes, and heads up to the top turnbuckle. It looks like he’s going to try a TOP ROPE JACKKNIFE POWERBOMB! He gets LD into position, and all of a sudden, Concrete TG comes down the ramp to a big ovation! Davin can’t believe Crete would dare interfere in this match, but that brief second of hesitation was all it takes for the Champ who, on the top turnbuckle, manages to slip out of Davin’s grasp, hit a waistlock, turn around, and hit a TOP ROPE RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX just as Crete gets into the ring. Davin is likely dead. LD finally sees Crete and they start a little yapfest, pretty much punctuated by LD telling Crete to “Get the fuck out”, and turns his back, and spots the Championship. Creech is stirring. Davin is stirring. LD has the belt, but CRETE GRABS IT! He’s not going to let LD win this way! After a few tugs back and forth, LD intentionally lets go, and Crete falls backward with the belt; smashing it over Davin’s head in the process as Davin was back to his knees. He’s not anymore. Crete tries to apologize to the unconscious guy, but clearly that’s not working out so well. Crete is clearly crestfallen and just slumps his was out of the ring, but gets a couple of slaps and an earful from Samantha. It just so happens that Creech wakes up just as LD rolls Davin over for the academic three count. WINNER in 19:41 by PINFALL….L.D. WILLIAMS! LD WILLIAMS retains the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship
STANK vs. CONCRETE TG – Moosehead Jack Special Guest Referee
“Scarecrow” by Ministry starts up, and Moosehead Jack heads down the ramp to a chorus of boos and in a SPIFFY OOWF Referee’s Shirt. He’s taunting the fans by pointing to the logo, and making the International Sign for “Calling it right down the middle”. He climbs through the ropes and slumps in the corner. “With Jupiter In Mind” starts up and Concrete Takaken Gryfon comes out to thunderous applause. He slaps hands and talks to the kids in the crowd before getting into the ring and eyeing Moose warily. “Skin” by Nonpoint starts with requisite pyro, and the crowd is even louder for Stank as he makes his way down the ramp. He’s clearly NOT in a good mood, but although he’s wearing a brace on his right knee, seems to have no ill effects. He slowly climbs into the ring, not taking his eyes off of Crete. Moose IMMEDIATELY calls for the bell. WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Moose slumps back in the corner, as Stank starts yapping at Crete, and Crete appears to be pleading his case. Stank UNLEASHES a Wicked Right Hand, which knocks Crete off his feet. Stank locks in a chin lock with a knee in the back. It’s actually pretty close to a choke, but when Crete looks over; Moose just shrugs and goes back to doing nothing. Crete uses SHAKY ARM POWER, and makes his way up to a Vertical Base. Crete finally gets upright, and hits a JAWBREAKER on Stank. Crete quickly turns around…WHAM-DDT on Stank and Stank is down. Crete briefly looks over at Moose who is golf-clapping that last move. Crete pulls a woozy Stank up, and lands a couple of Right Hands which forces Stank into the corner. A couple of CHOP-WOOs from Crete, and then Crete gets up on the turnbuckle, and gets a leg lock around Stank’s head. Crete’s looking for a Hurricarana! But before Crete can snap it off, Stank almost appears to come to. He reaches up and POWERBOMBS Crete. He hangs on, and hits ANOTHER POWERBOMB! He STILL Hangs on…It’s a STANKBOMB! Stank covers, and Moose seems to give a pretty normal count; it gets 2.
Stank simply gets up, and runs the ropes…STANKONIA 2.0! Another cover for Stank; and Moose only gets to two before Crete kicks out. Stank pulls Crete up and pulls him in the air for what looks to be a Delayed Vertical Suplex, but Stank lets go of Crete in the air and steps back. He catches Crete on the way down and hits a BIG PILEDRIVER on Crete! Crete’s in trouble! Stank covers, and that gets a LONG 2 from Moose, who seems to be enjoying showing Stank the number “2” with his hands. Stank pulls a Near-Death Crete to his feet, and LOCKS ON THE SOUTHERN COMFORT! Oh my GOODNESS it’s rare to see Stank going all technical and submissive-y. Crete is struggling, and Stank is screaming “ASK HIM” to Moose, who responds “You Don’t have to yell”. Moose leans in close to check on Crete who appears unresponsive. It’s time for the THREE ARM RAISE! Predictably, the first two times, the arm falls limply down, but by the POWER of the SHAKY ARM, Crete refuses to quit and tells Moose so. Stank cinches the hold in tighter; and as he does so, Crete’s hand reflexively goes up, and it happens to graze Moose on the chin. Moose collapses to the mat like FF shot him…REF BUMP!
Stank seems kind of unsure as to what to do; so he finally releases Crete and takes a couple of steps away. Suddenly, HERE COMES DAVIN MORELAND DOWN THE RAMP (in a “Crete and Moosey T-Shirt?”)! He’s got a BAT and MURDER in his eyes after Crete cost him the title tonight! He slides into the ring just as Crete is able to get to his knees. Davin unleashes a huge swing, but Crete ducks at the last second; and Stank, still facing away from the action, gets BLASTED IN HIS BAD KNEE WITH THE BAT! Stank COLLAPSES to the mat. Davin doesn’t take any time to grieve, and wheels around and DRILLS Crete in the RIBS with the bat. Crete is trying desperately to apologize, but Davin swings again; Crete SIDESTEPS Davin, and Davin’s momentum carries the barrel of the bat RIGHT INTO STANK’S BAD KNEE AGAIN! Davin gets up quickly, in time to see Crete charging; and Crete gets the STING BAT TREATMENT in the gut, followed by a huge BLAST TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! Davin screams “I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!” The crowd is NOT booing; because, well, Crete kinda deserved it. Davin drags the lifeless body of Crete and drapes it over Stank who is flat on his back, and apparently paralyzed with pain. Davin puts the bat in Crete’s hand and slides out of the ring and up the ramp to a mixed reaction. MIRACULOUSLY, Moose wakes up just in time to see Crete lying on Stank, and makes a quick 3-Count. WINNER in 17:21 by PINFALL…CONCRETE TG!
Post-match, Crete comes to, and sees the bat in his hand, and the lifeless Stank on the mat. He also sees Moose golf-clapping him, so Crete tries to get to his feet and explain. Moose apparently isn’t interested and NAILS Crete with the CHIMERA DRIVER!
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Show, Live September 28 from Dayton, Ohio! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! September 24th, from Ironwood, Michigan!