They were the winners in the first round of the tournament and therefor have no matches in the second card. The winners of the tournament matches for the second card will face Daniels, Dibiase, Corino, and Haas. They will however be at the show and you will see them when I post results later.

Thanks Serg. I had actually planned that as the second card if I was gonna do a second card anyways, but it's always interesting to see how people sway.

I also think that the Light Heavyweight Contendership match should be an awesome match as well.

Sonny Onoo is in the middle of the ring with Kensuki Sasaki, Akira Hokuto, Kenzo Suzuki, Hiroku, and Jushin "Thunder" Liger, in front of a surprisingly partial Japanese audience somewhere in the South Pacific.

SO: So...Christian's Coalition, if that is what you're indeed calling yourselves...you think you can compete with the very best Nippon has to offer. You are an embarassment to this great sport. I should kill you with Kitana in your sleep...but I will not. That is illegal. I will do the next best thing. Kenzo...Kensuki Sasaki...Jushin Liger...you three will face Carlito, Primo, and whoever this Johnny Devine is.

All three clap at the idea.

SO: That leads me to you...Gail...Kim.

Onoo spits.

SO: You cost the greatest female wrestler in the world her title. You will not get away with this. At Bali Blast, you will face Miss Hokuto in a match. But she will have partner. Her partner will be Bull Nakano! HAHAHAHAHA. If yu somehow manage to find a partner of your own, so be it. But I look forward to watching them tear you apart limb from limg. Then, these three...

Onoo points to Kenzo, Sasaki, and Liger.

SO: They will dismantle your so-called friends Christian Cage. Then we will all sit back and watch Andre the Giant squash you like bug. HAHAHAHAHA. Kanishiwa! (sp?)

PWI co-owners

Donald Trump (w/Jackie Gayda and Stacy “The Kat” Carter)

and


Linda McMahon (w/Bull Buchanan)

Present:

PWI SUMMER STUNNER[/I][/size]


vs.
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Pat Patterson


vs.
Dino Bravo (w/Frenchy Martin) vs. Lance Cade


Elimination Tag Match

The Great Khali, Viscera, Barbarian (all w/Ranjin Singh), Nathan Jones
vs.

Big Show, Bam Bam Bigelow, Kane (w/Paul Bearer), George “The Animal” Steele


2/3 Falls Match
vs.
Savio Vega vs. Marty Jannetty


PWI Tag Team Title Match
vs.
The Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana vs. Sim Snuka and Don “The Rock” Muraco (w/The Grand Wizard) ©


PWI Intercontinental Title Match
vs. ©
Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat


PWI Heavyweight Title Match
vs.
Matt Morgan vs. Jesse “The Body” Ventura (w/The Grand Wizard) ©


Announce Team:

“Mean” Gene Okerlund and Christopher Nowinski


Referee:

Mike Chioda


Musical Entertainment:

Kid Rock and Ice-T will perform with Jam Master Jay throughout the evening

Team America vs. Team Mexico Six-Man Tag Team Match
Team America (Paul London, Billy Kidman & Ricochet) vs. Team Mexico (Aero Star, Laredo Kid & Extreme Tiger)

Kidman and Tiger start off. Kidman quickly gets the upper hand and tosses Tiger to the outside. Kidman follows, but gets a beat-down from all of Team Mexico. London stays legal in his corner while Ricochet runs the apron and takes out Team Mexico. Kidman rolls into the ring and tags in London. London gets in the ring before Team Mexico can recover. Ricochet gets back into his corner and London tags out. Ricochet gets into the ring and Tiger rolls in and tags in Laredo. Ricochet goes on the offensive, hitting swift kicks and pushing Laredo into a corner. An irish whip reversal sends Ricochet into the opposite corner. Laredo runs at him and takes him over the top and they spill to the outside. Tiger and Star stomp away at Ricochet, then Kidman goes on the defensive and Ricochet escapes. He rolls into the ring and gives Kidman the willing tag. Laredo tags in Star while Tiger is still down on the outside. Kidman slams Star on the mat, then nails Laredo with a dropkick, sending him to the floor. He tries to slide back into the ring, but Ricochet pulls him back out and they go at it. Kidman turns around into a frankensteiner by Star, spiking him. Out of nowhere, London flies off the top with a powerful SSP! Star looks on as London rolls out of the ring and starts up the ramp. A confused Star covers Kidman for the win.

Winners in 09:14 - Team Mexico

After the bell, Ricochet checks on Kidman in the ring, while Team Mexico heads backstage. London was gone before the bell even rang. Kidman swats Ricochet away and heads backstage himself.

Taipei Tag Team Match
Ian Rotten & "Flyboy" Rocco Rock vs. Axl Rotten & Johnny Grunge

Axl and Ian Rotten walk down the ramp together, to the confusion of the crowd. Axl has a microphone and the two enter the ring.

Axl Rotten: I'm gonna make this quick. Mike and Ted didn't show up tonight. Why? We don't know. But they're not fucking here. So the Taipei match, it's not happening tonight. Sorry for the let down, blame the "Public Enemy."

Winner in 00:00 - Match postponed

Matte Wrestling Federation Lightweight Title Match
"The Man That Gravity Forgot" PAC vs. "The Legend of Hiraizumi" Yoshitsune

PAC and Yoshitsune exchange some quick kicks and flips for a minute before a stand off with applause. Then they really go at it. Each guy gets the upper hand a few times during the course of the match. Lazy writing at 4am forces you to imagine what these guys do. PAC has Yoshitsune down on the mat and he flies off the top with a 630, but Yoshitsune moves! PAC slams hard and Yoshitsune heads to the top. He jumps off with an amazing shooting star senton! He hooks the leg for the 3-count.

Winner in 13:57 - Yoshitsune

Matte Wrestling Federation Hardcore Title Death Match
Necro Butcher w/ Nick Gage vs. "Sick" Nick Mondo w/ Sexxxy Eddy

Necro and Mondo are in the ring, Gage and Eddy stand outside. This match turns into a straight garbage brawl, to no one's surprise. Light tubes, barbwire, staples. Everything's being used in this one. Lazy writing at 4am forces you to imagine what these guys do. Sexxxy Eddy has taken Nick Gage out of the equation with an imploding senton from the apron to the floor. With Necro down in the ring, Mondo and Eddy are making a table out of light tubes. Mondo slides back into the ring and brings Necro to the top rope, where he gets him in position, then Assault Driver from the top, through the light tube table to the floor! Mondo lays motionless on top of Necro as the ref counts.

Winner in 9:17 - "Sick" Nick Mondo

Matte Wrestling Federation Tag Team Title Hart vs. Hart Match
The Hart Dynasty vs. The Next Generation Hart Foundation

DH Smith and Ted Hart start off with a tie up in the center of the ring. Smith sends Hart into the ropes, then hits him with a clothesline on the rebound. He pulls him to his feet and whips him into the corner. Kidd gets tagged in. DH and Tyson Kidd make frequent tags early on, wearing down Ted. With Kidd as the legal man, Hart sees his opening and plants him with a spike DDT. He makes the hot tag to Evans, just as Kidd is getting to his feet. Evans rushes the ring and hits Kidd with dropkick after dropkick. Smith goes after Evans, but he ducks and Hart flips him with a frankensteiner, sending him through the ropes, crashing to the floor. Kidd is on his feet, but Hart nails him with a high kick to the back of the head. He puts him in a torture rack while Evans mounts the top rope. As Smith is getting to his feet on the outside of the ring, Evans jumps off the top with an Ode to the Bulldogs, stomping on Kidd, then flipping to the outside onto Smith. Hart dumps Kidd over the ropes to the outside. With Evans and Kidd as the legal men, the ref starts the 10-count. Hart gets on the apron, then springboards back with a huge moonsault onto the pack! Evans realizes that the ref is up to 8 and he tries to rush into the ring to break the count, but Smith gets a hold of him and pulls him back as the ref counts 10.

Winners in 11:53 - No contest via double count-out

After the bell, the crowd boos furiously. The Dynasty is limping up the ramp, while The Foundation is in the ring. Teddy Hart has a microphone.

Teddy Hart: David Hart Smith. Tyson Kidd. I knew that this match was going to get out of hand. I knew that you two faggots would do something to ruin it. Jack Evans, you tried to save it. I saw that, and I respect that. Next time we face off, guys, it's not going to end like it ended this time. Because next time, it's a falls count anywhere match. And falls will be counted any fucking place that Jack Evans and myself choose to have them. Next time, there's no pussying out. Balls to the fucking wall. And Jack Evans and myself, the Next Generation Hart Foundation, will prove that we are the best tag team in professional wrestling today, and that we are the future of tag team wrestling in this fucking business. So David Hart Smith. Tyson Kidd. We'll see you next time.

Comedy Filler Fatal Four-Way Tag Team Match
The Super Smash Brothers vs. Los Ice Creams vs. The Olsen Twins vs. The Osirian Portal

Two men start out, they can tag out to any man from any team. First man to score a pinfall wins the match for his team. Fast-forward through the wacky entrances. All four teams are in the ring. Player Uno and Ice Cream, Jr. are in the ring to start, but Jr. quickly tags out. Foreshadowing. Fast-forward through pauses and resumes, high-pitched cries, slow motion mat wrestling, and Egyptian dancing. The SSB pour ice cream sprinkles into the ring, then take out the Portal and occupy them on the outside, while Los Ice Creams quickly get the upper hand against the Olsens and chokeslam them into the sprinkles! They get the double cover.

Winners in 05:52 - Los Ice Creams

After the bell, the SSB put the Portal down and slide into the ring. They raise Los Ice Creams' hands and walk back up the ramp. All four of them as the Super Ice Cream Brothers!

Matte Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Title Match
Jeff Hardy vs. BxB Hulk

They start off, Hardy on the offensive early on. He whips Hulk into the ropes, but Hulk grabs on and goes to the outside. Hardy runs across the ring and dives over the top at Hulk, but Hulk moves! Hardy crashes hard on the floor. Hulk slides into the ring and the ref starts the 10-count. Hardy manages to slide back in at 8. Hulk stomps away and tries to keep Hardy down. He hits a standing SSP, then goes to the top and calls for the moonsault. Hardy rolls out of the way, but Hulk lands on his feet. Hardy kicks at Hulk, then uses the ropes to get to his feet. He whips Hulk into the corner, then runs at him. Whisper in the Wind, Hardy goes for the pin. Hulk kicks out at 2. They fight it out some more and Hardy goes back on the offensive, taking Hulk to the limit. He gets Hulk in position for a DDT, but Hulk counters and tries for a neckbreaker. Hardy counters that and hits the Twist of Fate! Hardy goes to the apron and calls for the Swanton. As he's climbing to the top, Paul London runs down and ramp at full speed. He jumps up to the top rope and hits Hulk with a huge SSP, halfway across the ring! The ref calls for the bell.

Winner in 16:38 - BxB Hulk via DQ

After the bell, Hardy is pissed. He goes to grab London, but London ducks it and goes through the ropes to the outside and runs halfway up the ramp before turning around. He grins in accomplishment as we fade to black.

No need to. I'm not going as hardcore into it as I did last year, just a card with some backstory. I can do that for 5 weeks.

We open with Gordon Solie at an Old School desk.

GS: Good morning, everyone and welcome to Plunder at the Palace, Ted Turner’s $2 million, two tournament, one-day event at the venerable Cow Palace in San Francisco, California. We’re bringing you 12 first-round matches this morning. The winners of these matches advance to the second round. The second round, plus all additional matches leading to the individual and tag team finals, will take place beginning at 6:05 p.m.

At this time, here are this morning’s brackets and matches.

INDIVIDUAL
1) Bruiser Brody vs. 16) Buck Zumhoffe
Dick Slater vs. 9) Mr. Wrestling II

4) Jerry Lawler vs. 13) Andy Kaufmann
5) Nick Bockwinkel vs. 12) Haystacks Calhoun

2) Magnum TA vs. 15) Paul Ellering
7) Norman the Lunatic w/Teddy Long vs. 10) Exotic Adrian Street

3) Tommy Rick vs. 14) Buzz Sawyer
6) Great Kabuki w/Gary Hart vs 11) Pez Whatley

TAG TEAM
1) Wild Samoans w/Gary Hart vs. Playboy Buddy Rose and Doug Sommers
4) Dennis Condrey and Randy Rose w/Jim Cornette vs. 5) The Assassins w/Gary Hart

3) The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering vs. 6) The Ding Dongs
2) The Long Riders vs. 7) “Nature Boy” Buddy Landell and “The Universal Heartthrob” Austin Idol

GS: And before we go to the opening match, here’s a video package detailing what’s happened during the draft that created this tournament.

The video package details The Masked Benefactor drafting Chris Benoit, then having him beaten down by Bruiser Brody before trading him for Andy Kaufman, which upsets Jerry Lawler. The entire Lawler/Kaufman feud is detailed, as is Lawler’s feuds with Idol and Rich. We see Bockwinkel and Calhoun shake hands at their introduction; Tommy Rich and Buzz Sawyer renew their hostilities; the tag team pairings announcement clusterfrick, including Gary Hart’s acquisition of The Wild Samoans. Street’s attack of Teddy Long is featured. And finally we see the demasking of The Masked Benefactor to reveal Ted Turner, and his financial agreement with Paul Ellering and The Road Warriors and Bruiser Brody to win back Turner’s $2 million in return for a significant cut of the ticket sales, concessions, parking and DVD sales from the event.

GS: All first round matches are 30-minute time limit. If a draw or double countout occurs, both men or teams are eliminated. Now then, let’s get to the ring for the best wrestling action in Pun’s House (except for the OOWF—I love those Chickenshit Heels promos).

Dick Slater vs. 9) Mr. Wrestling II
Slater and Wrestling II put on a wrestling clinic for 12 minutes. Neither man takes shortcuts, but the wrestling is intense. Slater whips Wrestling II into the ropes, but Wrestling II reverses and Slater re-reverses. Slater goes for a backdrop, but because of the reversals he was too far away from Wrestling II. The masked man sees Slater drop his head, hits the Million Dollar Kneelift and packages up Slater for the three count from ref Tommy Young.
Winner in 13:44, Mr. Wrestling II

2) Magnum TA vs. 15) Paul Ellering
Ellering tries to chickenshit himself through the match. After about seven minutes of stalling, TA finally dives out of the ring and chases Ellering. Ellering slides back into the ring and clotheslines TA as he comes back in. Ellering whips TA into the ropes, but TA reverses and NAILS Ellering with the super-quick Belly-to-Belly Suplex for the three count.
Winner in 7:59 (with only about 30 seconds of actual wrestling), Magnum TA

1) Wild Samoans w/Gary Hart vs. Playboy Buddy Rose and Doug Sommers
Both teams try to work the heel heat, and the crowd doesn’t know who to root for. Rose tries the “quiet the booing” signal, and it actually woks. Rose is shocked. Rose and Sommers become defacto babyfaces, and Sommers becomes Robert Gibson. Samoans hit the double headbutt on Sommers, and it looks like this one is over. But Rose makes the save and a Pier 6 erupts. In the middle of the chaos, Gary Hart gets up on the apron and clubs Rose in the back of the head. Afa hits the Big Splash and The Wild Samoans advance.
Winner in 12:37, The Wild Samoans

1) Bruiser Brody vs. 16) Buck Zumhoffe
Bruiser Brody makes short work of this one while Ellering does color commentary, running down Magnum TA. The fans try to get behind Zumhoffe, but it’s just not happening. At least his boom box stays in one piece, which is probably an accomplishment in itself.
Winner in 6:51, Bruiser Brody

3) Tommy Rick vs. 14) Buzz Sawyer
Unfortunately, this one barely makes it to the ring. It seems they’ve been brawling off and on throughout the arena since they arrived this morning. Rich is bleeding at 0.6 Muta, while Sawyer is only at 0.4 Muta. We first spot them in the concession stand, then they made their way to the second deck of the Cow Palace, then to the restrooms where they went all Benoit/Sullivan on each other. They got back to the ring for about five minutes before Rich tosses Sawyer over the top rope, over the barricade, sprays a beer in his face and slams a chair on his knee. Tommy Young’s had enough, and calls for the bell.
In 13:22, No Contest

2) The Long Riders vs. 7) “Nature Boy” Buddy Landell and “The Universal Heartthrob” Austin Idol
The Long Riders hit the ring ready for a fight. Idol and Landell are announced, but neither come to ringside. They are announced again, but neither show. The ref finally calls for the bell, issues the 10-count and calls for the bell again.
Winner in :10 by countout, The Long Riders

GS: Well, that was unusual though not unexpected from Landell and Idol. We’ll go to the back with Crystal Louthan to find out more. Meanwhile, we’ll take a 10-minute intermission. Crystal?

CL: I don’t have any new information on the whereabouts of Buddy Landell or Austin Idol. But really, does this surprise anyone? I’m sure one of them will show up this evening or next week with some lame excuse like a telegram told them not to show up, or they had four flat tires, or there will be a news report about one of them being involved in some crazy story involving cocaine, strippers, a missing $20,000 check and a singing monkey. And then one of them will turn on the other. I pretty much bet my life…

Wild Bill Irwin: Look here pretty lady! We came to San Francisco to beat people up! So if Austin Idol and Buddy Landell decided not to show up, that isn’t the end of it for us. Road Warriors, we’re looking for you next round. No disrespect to The Ding Dongs, but we want you two big Chicago blown up muscleheads back in the ring like we use to do! And what are we going to do, Scott?

SI: BEAT ‘EM UP!

CL: Back to you, Gordon.

GS: Thank you, Crystal. Before we go back to the ring, I have been told we have a special announcement. Due to the no contest decision in the Tommy Rich/Buzz Sawyer match, the Tournament Committee has decided—and both wrestlers have agreed—to restage The Last Battle of Atlanta. A no disqualification, must-be-a-winner brawl inside a fully-enclosed steel cage. And unlike last time, there will be video shot! Cow Palace management has created 500 more seats because of this special added match. Get your tickets now!

Now back to ringside for more matches.

3) The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering vs. 6) The Ding Dongs
Like you have to ask who won this? The Road Warriros storm the ring, and Animal knocks Ding Dong #1 out of the ring. They double-team DD#2 for a while, get tired of that, take him over to the Ding Dong corner and force the tag, then beat up DD#1 for a bit. The Long Riders come to ringside to distract The Road Warriors. Ding Dong #1 actually get a hope punch, but that just pisses off Hawk, who rips DD#1’s head off with a clothesline. One Doomsday Device later, and we have a winner. Long Rider sand Road Warriors stare down after the match.
Winner in 2:33, The Road Warriors

4) Jerry Lawler vs. 13) Andy Kaufmann
Nothing can be better than the original.


Winner in 4:22, Jerry Lawler

6) Great Kabuki w/Gary Hart vs 11) Pez Whatley
Gary Hart tries to convince Whatley to take a dive, but Whatley isn’t buying it. Unfortunately, he also isn’t watching Great Kabuki, who attacks Whatley from behind. Kabuki dominates the early parts of the match, Whatley recovers and gets a couple of near falls, but Hart distracts Whatley , giving time for Kabuki to hit the Superkick and get the pinfall. Yep, it’s that formulaic. Not every match needs a dead puppy dog in a casket dragged behind a pickup, spilt coffee, three midgets and singing monkey. What is it with singing monkeys anyway?
Winner in 14:12, Great Kabuki

7) Norman the Lunatic w/Teddy Long vs. 10) Exotic Adrian Street w/Miss Linda
Then sometimes you need crazy gimmicks. So the Exotic one gets into the ring, has Miss Linda spray Tommy Young with perfume (hey, this is his 10th match and he hasn’t been knocked down yet). Street also asks that Miss Linda spray down the first three rows of the crowd, since the entire arena smells like a rodeo. (In truth, the card was booked between the Body Arts Expo and the Roller Derby World Championships. I kid you not. As Miss Linda is spraying the audience, Norman the Lunatic storms out of the back and attacks Street. Teddy Long, for some reason still wearing the lipstick Miss Linda smeared on him (way to sell the angle, Teddy!), rolls in behind Norman and threatens Miss Linda. Somehow Street carries Norman to a 4-star match, allowing the crazy, bear-totting, 400-pounder to pummel him from post to post. Street gets in some decent offense, but misses a flying kneedrop off the second rope and comes up holding his knee. Long tells Norman to work on the knee, and Norman goes all crazy guy on Street’s knee. A series of 400-pound elbow drops from Norman actually makes Street submit, and Young calls for the bell. Norman doesn’t stop, however, and Long doesn’t do anything. Finally, Magnum TA runs into the ring and pulls Norman away. Magnum checks on Street, and if you don’t know what happens next you just don’t following wrestling. Long tells Norman to attack TA (since he’s his next opponent, and why Magnum didn’t think of that, I’m not sure—he’s got a little Sting in him). Norman lines up Magnum in the corner and crushes him with a 400-pound body splash! Mr. Wrestling II and Pez Whatley come out to drag off TA’s dead carcass.
Winner in 8:47, Norman the Lunatic

GS: Teddy Long, if you would please, come over here and explain why you had Norman attack Magnum TA. He was only trying to help an injured wrestler.

TL: Gordon, it’s all about the Benjamins! There’s $1 million on the line, and I’ve brought Norman here to get what I’m due. It doesn’t matter if it’s Magnum TA, Mr. Wrestling II, Jerry Lawler or even Bruiser Brody, we’re taking people out. Norman’s taking people out. Because I have The Key. And as long as I have The Key, Norman does what I tell him to do! Adrian Street, you want to paint my face like a clown? Now who’s the clown? Your clown ass is in the hospital now, boy!

GS: That’s just uncalled for, Mr. Long. I think your interview time is done. Let’s go back to the ring.

5) Nick Bockwinkel vs. 12) Haystacks Calhoun
Bockwinkel and Calhoun again shake hands at the beginning of this match, and we have a number of collar-and-elbow tie-ups that end with Calhoun forcing Bockwinkel into the corner and then breaking clean. Bockwinkel finally grabs a headlock, gets thrown off into the ropes, goes for a shoulderblock and of course loses. He tries again, for some inane reason, and loses. Third time, and Bockwinkel tries a Thesz Press, but Calhoun simply turns it into a bearhug. And thus starts the big-man beatdown, as the 500-pounder works over Bockwinkel. Bockwinkel finally overcomes with some quick-witted wrestling, and goes for the Sleeper! He leaps up on Calhoun’s back for better leverage. As this is happening, Andy Kaufman comes to ringside.

GS: It looks like Andy Kaufman is waving money at Haystacks Calhoun. From my vantage point, those look like $100 bills. That has to be a pack of at least 20 or 30 $100 bills. Calhoun hasn’t seemed to notice, however, but he’s losing his balance and is backing into the corner. OHHH!!!! Calhoun just crushed Nick Bockwinkel AND Tommy Young into the corner! Young is definitely hurt. Bockwinkel is also crumpled in the corner. Kaufman is screaming at Calhoun, and it looks like he’s telling him to do it again. Calhoun doesn’t know what to do. He rolls out of the ring, walks up to Kaufman, AND TAKES THE MONEY! Calhoun took the money! He rolls back into the ring, picks up Bockwinkel in a bearhug, and again CRUSHES him into the corner. AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Now he’s standing in the middle of the ring with the bearhug. Kaufman is shoving Tommy Young into the ring. Young looks up and sees a limp Bockwinkel and calls for the bell.
Winner in 9:12, Haystacks Calhoun

GS: Andy Kaufman is making his way over to the desk. I’m sure he has something to say.

AK: Jerry Lawler, you think you’re done with me? Never! Never! I always have a plan, because I’m FROM HOLLYWOOD! And I have money! Everyone likes money. And now, tonight, in the second round, you have to face my new acquisition, Haystacks Calhoun! Lawler, I am not done with you! Come on, Haystacks. We have to buy you some new clothes.

GS: Well, that was an interesting turn of events. We have one match left this morning, but referee Tommy Young was clearly hurt in that last match. We’ll have to take some time to find…

Gary Hart: Oh no, Gordon Solie, we don’t need any time. My Assassins are ready to fight The Midnight Express, and let’s just say we were ready for something like this happening.

Jim Cornette: Wait just a monkey-minded second. What do you mean YOU have a referee lined up? What if I don’t like your referee? What if I also happen to have a second referee lined up? You think you can just go around running this show like you use to run around in that little Texas two-step those Von Erichs called a wrestling federation?

GH: Jim, I respect you greatly, and that’s why I came prepared. If you have a second referee in mind, then we might just have to have the Tournament Committee make a decision. But first, who is your referee, Jim?

JC: I thought you’d never ask, you balding windbag. I found someone who would call this straight down the middle, and that fans would enjoy seeing. Because I’m all about ratings, you know. Let me present to you, Crystal Louthan!

Crystal Louthan walks out in a really tight and hot ref’s outfit.

JC: So what do you have to say about that, huh, Gary? So who’s your ref? Huh? Huh?

GH: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy. That’s funny. I must admit, Crystal as a ref is a great idea. But you didn’t read the fine print. The only people who can referee here are those who’ve officiated before. And Crystal has never refereed a match. She’s not eligible.

JC: Fine print? Fine print? Who reads the fine print in wrestling? People just put contracts in front of us and we sign it! Crystal isn’t eligible?

GH: Nope. But my man is. I present to you, the referee for the match between The Assassins and The Midnight Express, my good friend, Teddy Long!

Teddy Long comes out in a ref’s outfit.

JC: Ah, come on. Like he’s going to call the match straight? I remember him when he was an official in the NWA, and I’m not even sure he can count to three.

GH: That may be true, but he’s the only option we have. And it seems I got to him first.

TL: That’s right! And I say we get in the ring right now and start this match!

4) Dennis Condrey and Randy Rose w/Jim Cornette vs. 5) The Assassins
Long races to the ring and starts counting out both teams. Hart is prepared and The Assassins get in the ring. Cornette is hastily calling out Condrey and Rose, and Rose just slips into the ring before the 10-count. The Assassins double team Rose while Cornette hunts down Condrey. Rose survives numerous close (and very fast) two-counts from Long, and a couple times makes his way to the corner only to not find Condrey or Cornette. Finally, Cornette comes back with Condrey, who’s head is bandaged heavily with blood seeping from the covering. Cornette helps Condrey up on the apron, and a few minutes later Condrey makes the hot tag. Condrey goes all house-a-fire on The Assassins. He whips Assassin #2 into the ropes, Assassin reverses, Condrey re-re-reverses and Assassin re-re-re-reverses. That sends Condrey into a corner occupied by Teddy Long, and Long is crushed by Condrey. Condrey also goes down in a heap. Gary Hart runs over to help Long. The Assassin tags out, and Assassin #1 pulls something from his tights and puts it in his mask. Cornette sees this, however, and clobbers The Assassin with his tennis racket in the forehead, right where he put the foreign object. For some reason, hitting someone with a tennis racket in the head where a foreign object is placed has twice the crippling effect, and The Assassin goes down in a heap. Randy Rose takes out Assassin #2, Cornette pulls Condrey on top of Assassin #1 and MAKES THE THREE COUNT HIMSELF? For some reason the timekeeper rings the bell.
Winner in 17:58, The Midnight Express

GH: That can’t be right! You weren’t the official referee. You can’t be a referee!

JC: That’s where you’re wrong, Gary. I finally got one over on you! Because according to Lucky’s rules, Special Guest > Guest Crew Member (Referee, Timekeeper, etc) > Wrestler. And while I’ve never been a referee, I HAVE been a wrestler! Therefore I can be a referee!

GS (consulting a rule book): He does seem to have a valid point, Mr. Hart.

Gary Hart is speechless, but that’s OK because The Assassins have just snuck up from behind and attacked Cornette. Condrey and Rose try to intervene, but The Wild Samoans, their next round opponent, run in and commence a 4-on-2 beatdown of Condrey and Rose. We fade out with Gary Hart putting the badmouth on Cornette and his team with the Assassins and Samoans standing tall.

GS: Come back this evening for the final matches of the $2 Million Plunder at the Palace Tournament. Plus, a co-main event that fans have waited for more than 20 years to see. Tommy Rich. Buzz Sawyer. The Last Battle of Atlanta, Part II. And this time it will be filmed!

Just remember this when you are voting. BDW listens to what the fans want!

I think the team of Crash Holly and Kamala may be one of my favorite ever.

I think they're just not allowed to leave the booth to wrestle a match. Like Lawler used to do regularly.

I love a lot of the guys on your roster, but... I really don't like the Survivior Series style Main Event. Survivor Series is the middle of a story, where individual feuds briefly merge and possibly swap. I don't know who's feuding with who and why yet. (Not that that isn't true of a lot of the no-storyline feds in this thing.)

Also putting ten guys in the main event avoid the tough decisions about pecking order. iI'm guessing that Savage is the main good-guy and Jake the main bad-guy simply because they were listed first on their respective teams, (and it makes the most sense) but based on what we have so far, all I can do is guess.

Demolition/Duds and Angle/Benoit are more than enough to get me to watch, and the scaffold match, if you don't book a screwjob ending, is the most intriguing trainwreck ever.

It strikes me that on the off-chance I'm going forward card to card, I have an incredibly bloated women's division. So if anyone wants to make reasonable offers, let me know.

I can only drop one out of the three of Melina/Jazz/Beth.
I have actual plans for Jacqueline/Linda/Gunns/Borden, but I'll hear offers.
Torrie and Alicia are quite available--Torrie more, as I still think Alicia is really really really ridiculously good looking (TM zoolander)--so I'll hear most anything for them.

The "seeds" are still kinda determined using the method you described, so I don't feel I'm hindered in anyway. Plus, if you take, say Mr. T from my list, I should win and be the #1 seed. T is a total badass. The only way to eliminate him from the Rumble is to get him to eat a drugged cheeseburger.

Back in reality, I think the opening round 3-ways are the way to go. The other option is to have 12 first round matches, and the 4 people who lose by the least get into round 2. But I think the 3-way is the way to go. It's easier.