[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#879)
Live! From Annapolis, Maryland
September 19, 2018

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Zed vs. Bridget O'Malley

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
Jack Bullet & Mac Flasher vs. Saints of Sinners

Moosehead Jack & Mai Muyo vs. Banned From Everywhere
Shannon Mann vs. Ghosthead
Ecosystem & Firewoman vs. Beer Money
Kylie Mignolio vs. Stank


card subject to the very bigly, very wet hurricane getting there before we do

[Leo]

"Silver Eagle" Jack Bullet, Man of Action, and Mac Flasher, OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, stand in the back of the arena and look at a booking sheet for next Mayhem.

JB: We win one tag match and get a tag team title shot?

MF: Well, when we're importing the Briscoe Brothers for a one shot deal I think you can say the tag division isn't at its strongest.

JB: I can get the Quebecers here in like a Montreal minute.

MF: Is that like a New York minute?

JB: Kind of, but much friendlier.

MF: Well, I think we need to prepare for the match next week and there's one best way to do that.

JB: Yeah?

MF: Come with me.

Flasher motions and the two walk off.

AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM THE SAINTS OF SINNERS, OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS

Mac Flasher is dressed like Matt Folz and Jack Bullet is dressed like Stan Fulton

JB: Something, something, we're the best ever even though we haven't beaten anybody. Something, something, Minnesota Vikings.

MF: Something, something, I agree with whatever Stan says. Something, something, Green Bay Packers.

JB: Something, something, I own the PHWF but nobody remembers that. Something, something, getting into Mai Muyo's pants.

MF: Something, something, I'm married, to a woman believe it or not. Something, something, let's go see a movie but never say what movie we're going to see.

In unison: Let's

They high five each and walk off mumbling: grumble, grumble, football, grumble, grumble, football.

THIS HAS BEEN A MESSAGE FROM THE OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS

[L!zz~]

(Kylie is seen with Bridget and Josie)

Bridget: Speaking of tag teams..

Kylie: Yeh?

Bridget: We are pretty good together..

Kylie: No..

Bridget: No what?

Kylie: We are pretty awesome together. (Grinning as she picks up Josie's bags)

Bridget: So. How do we make it official like?

Kylie: Tag team on top of singles stuff?

Bridget: Seems to be the way it works around here.

Kylie: I'm in.

Josie: Me too!

(Josie thrusts her small fist out)

Bridget: (laughs and does the same)

Kylie: (adds hers)

Fade

[Fire-Babe]

Ecosystem is pacing. Fire is appearing to attempt to meditate and calm herself, however either the pacing or the swelling over her right eye from her match with Moose is interfering.

Eco: I wish you would say something instead of sitting there being all...I dunno, zen or whatever.

FW: You had ONE. JOB. Juni.

Eco: I know, I know...it's just...she's just better than me.

Fire snaps her eyes open and into this reality.

FW: BULLSHIT!

Eco: ....

FW: She was better than you last night, sure, and she MAY be better than you over all--

Eco: Gee, thanks.

FW: --but anything can happen, any night. You CAN beat her.

Eco: It just got all distracting and--

FW: And Mai suckered you in with that fake ankle roll. You need to always keep your focus. Always.

Eco: I know but--

FW: Juni...look, we were both Yakuza, right?

Eco fingers his pinky prosthetic while nodding at the lack of one on Fire's left hand.

FW: What was the number one thing they taught us?

Eco: There were lots of number one--

FW: That is relevant here.

Eco: ...

FW: ...

Eco: Trust no one?

FW: Exactly. Not even Mai.

Eco: ...Or Moose.

FW: Right.

Eco: ........or you?

FW: *batistalaughs* I think it's well documented no one should.

Before Eco can answer, Stank comes in looking for Fire, and somewhat downtrodden.

S: Hey.

FW: Hey.

S: You look....um......

FW: You can say beautiful but I'll know it's a lie.

S: Can you be anywhere in the universe but here right now?

Eco starts to retort, but then decides not to, and leaves. Stank and Fire embrace for a bit and then separate.

FW: I'm sorry about your championship.

S: I'm sorry about your face.

FW: ...

S: That came out very wrong.

FW: It's okay. I've seen the swelling.

S: Can we go back to the suite? I'm not feeling up to INCs or the Destroyitarium.

FW: We can, but only so I can pack.

S: We can leave for Annapolis tomorrow.

FW: We can, but I have to leave tonight to go meet with the board. We're hoping to get everything FINALLY sorted before the hurricane hits.

S: We?

FW: Not WE-we....but....

Firewoman busts out giggling.

S: What?

FW: I said wee-wee.

S: You've been hanging around Josie for too long.

FW: Probably. I'm leaving tonight and should be back by Friday evening in Annapolis.

S: Okay....my fiance...corporate maven....

FW: Uh huh....

They hug again and Stank pulls away, holding Fire's chin.

S: Look at me.

FW: Yes?

Stank looks deeply into Fire's eyes, as if he's trying to read her mind.

FW: Are you trying to read my mind?

S: I'm just trying to figure out what you are not telling me.

FW: *awkwardly extricating herself* What? What do you mean?

S: I don't know what I mean.

FW: Well, then--

S: But I suspect you do.

FW: .....

S: ....

FW: Lucas, it's just getting a decent CEO back in charge of the board, that's all.

S: Uh huh....

FW: Trust me.

S: Woman, there's nothing I want to do more in the world...and there's nothing in the world that makes me trust LESS than a Quinn saying "Trust me."

FW: ....

S: ...

FW: Okay, there is something.

S: I knew it.

Stank paces in frustration.

FW: And...I can't tell you right now, but in time you'll see and--

S: How much time?

FW: ...

S: Fire....

FW: Soon, I promise. And it'll be great, Lucas, I swear. It's just not...it's not up to me, completely.

S: Fine...keep your secrets. I'll see you in Maryland.

FW: But....

Stank does not respond and heads down the hall, probably towards the Destroyitarium.

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see Mac and Jack leaving the promo area when they run into Matt Folz. They brace for a fight but Matt shakes his head.

Matt: Relax, I come in peace. I had no problem your promo, it actually made me laugh on my break.

(Kayfabe comes in and slaps Matt on the back of the head.)

Matt: Fuck! I meant it made me laugh when I took a break from my workout and saw it. Better?

(Kayfabe nods and then gives Matt the "I've got my eyes on you" gesture before walking away.)

Matt: That's what you were missing in your impression of me by the way Mac.

Mac: What?

Matt: Profanity.

Mac: Duly noted.

Matt: Now, I know you were just fucking around and having fun. And I'm fine with that, like I said I take no offense. But I do take issue with one thing you said.

Jack: What's that?

Matt: The presumption that, as you put it, "We haven't beaten anyone." Go back and look it up guys. Texpress, who even I'll admit are the best team in the history of this company, had 3 shots at these Championships and couldn't get the job done. Banned From Everywhere had their shots, couldn't do it. The Darlings? (Matt just laughs) Bridget and Kylie gave us a damn good run but ultimately came up short. We've been in street fights, we've been in 2 out of 3 fall matches, we've been in cage matches, it doesn't matter. Won them all.

Matt pauses and then nods at Mac's OOWF World Championship before continuing.

Matt: Now don't get me wrong, you two are going to be a tremendous test. Mac, that Championship on your shoulder automatically earns our respect. And Jack, I'll be straight up and admit that the last time you and I were on opposite sides of the ring you were the better man. We're not going to look past either one of you. But as good as this match is going to be, the result will be the same as the rest of those who have challenged us. Stan and I are keeping these Championships for as long as we want. Have a nice night gentlemen.

FADE

[snelson66]

FADE back in on Mac and Jack watching Matt Folz walk away. But they’ve forgotten they’re in the Hallway of Random Encounters now and they’re not looking behind them. They each feel a tap on their shoulder and turn around to look (slightly down) at The Crusher Stan Fulton (he is about an inch shorter than Bullet).

SF: “Relax, guys. I’m not here to attack you.”

JB: “So what do you want, Fulton?”

SF: “Just a bit of advice.”

MF: “We’re listening.”

SF: “You’re faces, right?”

Kayfabe starts to come out, realizes that it’s Fulton and she’s never going to get him to change, and walks away.

MF: “Yeah.”

SF: “Then why are you acting like high school bullies?”

Both Flasher and Bullet stop a second.

JB: “What the hell are you talking about, fatso?”

SF: “See. Right there. When you finally promo about your opponents, you’re always using names, making fun of their lives or appearances or, in an extreme case of failing to follow Wheaton's Law which states "Don't be a dick," you carry around a coat rack with your opponent's name. Then, when you finally talk about the actual wrestling, like Matt said, you get the information wrong.”

JB: “Yeah, but...”

SF: “You act like that kid in school that never accomplished anything so makes up for it by making fun of everyone else. It’s childish and frankly beneath anyone on this roster. You want to get respect? Stop acting like brats.”

MF: “Never accomplished anything?! What’s this then?”

Flasher points to the belt over his shoulder.

SF: “Yes. You’re a two time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. I won the first of my two, son, when you were still pooping your pants. I’m also two time Grand Slam Champion. That man that just walked away is also a two time Grand Slam Champion. I have held all six OOWF titles. We've accomplished a hell of lot more than you two ever will.”

JB: “Yeah. So what. It’s our time now, old man.”

Fulton’s ire is really up now and he starts to speak very slow and softly. Which is way more creepy than if he was yelling.

SF: “Maybe. But know this, Junior. Matt might let shit like your promo roll off his back. I’m not Matt. I take this shit personally. And since I’m Italian, I hold a grudge. A long... long... time. You’ve poked the bear, boys. Now I'm going to go the extra length to make you both bleed Wednesday. Enjoy the pain.”

Fulton walks away from the pair. They’re a bit stunned by Fulton’s anger, but soon are back to their old arrogant selves.

MF: “He’s really pushing for that Catchphrase of the Year nomination.”

JB: “Yeah, but he’s too stupid to know that he’s already past the time where it’d be eligible.”

MF: “Calling him stupid. Maybe Fulton has a point. What does Josie think of you calling people names all the time?”

JB: “Shut up.”

FADE

[Leo]

A payphone on the wall of the Destroyetarium rings. Moosehead Jack sits at his usual corner table with a cigar in his fist and a bottle of Trust Me in front of him.

MJ: What the hell is that?

Matt Folz and Stan Fulton enter into frame.

MF: Since when has there been a payphone in here. Who the hell has a payphone?

MJ: Well, we haven’t done renovations in here in a long time. Stan, go answer the phone.

Fulton walks over and picks up the receiver.

SF: Who the hell is this?

Voice: Is your refrigerator running?

SF: The hell…

Voice: Well, you better go catch it.

SF: What are you talking about?

Voice: Do you have Prince Albert in a can? If so, let him out.

SF: I recognize that sniveling voice, is this Jack Bullet?

JB: Maybe……

SF: Are you too scared to face me after I dressed you down in the Hallway of Random Encounters?

JB: I just thought it would be fitting in my character to literally phone in a promo on you.

SF: The virtuous face who is really a playground bully.

JB: Exactly. I figure why fight it. Moosehead Jack said I was the biggest douchebag he ever met, but I never embraced it. Stan, I wanted to thank you personally for making me realize Moosehead was right and helping me to find my true self. Now, if the fans choose to still cheer me, that’s on them. I mean, outside of Flasher the next biggest faces are Ecosystem and Firewoman and they’re both horrible people.

SF: That might be the first true thing you’ve ever said.

JB: So, I will enjoy the pain on Wednesday, but you better get off the tracks because the Bullet Train of Pain is coming through and that is eligible for Catchphrase of the Year.

SF: Laugh while you can, monkey boy. I’m going to make you and Mac bleed so badly you’ll be lucky to make it to Hell on Earth to face each other for the OOWF World Title.

JB: P.S. – You know when I said you guys haven’t beaten anybody I didn’t mean that literally. It’s just a figure of speech to get under the skin of an opponent, you know, ‘well, you haven’t beaten anybody.’

SF: This is a phone call, not a letter, you don’t need to say ‘P.S.’ Do you know how a phone call works?

JB:………Could you ask if a Hugh Jass is there?

Fulton hangs up the phone. He turns around to Folz and Moosehead.

SF: I don’t see what you two see in that huge ass.

Mooshead laughs.

MJ: Like I told Bullet last time he was here, he might be more a sinner than a saint. If he’s starting to realize that with his whole new man of action gimmick, which isn’t eligible for Gimmick of the Year, Flasher might be the one in real trouble not you two at Mayhem.

MF: Jack Bullet is a hell of a wrestler, I’m not going to overlook that, but once an arrogant jock, always an arrogant jock. I’ve laid that motherfucker out before for stepping to the Saints and we’ll do it again on Mayhem.

MJ: See that you do. Can you imagine if Jack and Mac went into Hell on Earth as the tag team champions AND in the main event for the World Title.

SF: That’s some WWE level bad booking there, I don’t think you’d do that.

Kayfabe walks in wheeling a cart, just kind of sighs at Fulton, takes the pay phone off the wall, places it on the cart and wheels is off as we fade.

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is riding in the backseat of a large SUV, as from a limo service, and talking on the phone.

FW: It was a bust. Stupid Hurricane, half the board couldn't get there........no, John Ross got me this car to drive to Maryland...........shut up, Lucky, it's just a car........how's the snakes..........two rats?......they're going to need bigger tanks soon.........*yawn*....Okay I am going to try to do some archiving and then get some sleep....Night.

Fire hangs up, and starts scrolling on her tablet, when she sees this.

Stank - It's fine. A distinction I can make between me and your brat shit prince is that no matter how much you might piss me off, no matter how disagreeable... I will always have your back... whether you want me to, or not.

*Fire just stares at the waves, tightening her lips to suppress emotion.*

FW - I didn't ask you to.

Stank - You don't need to ask.

She stops it and stares out the car window, as if she's weighing some options. After several miles, she picks her phone again.

FW: Hey....it's me........like I ever know what time it is? Were you sleeping.....*Fire looks at her watch, and winces*....oh sorry......look......*sigh*....I need to....you're right, I've been keeping something...I mean, it's not like it affects you or anything, but..............I know, but.....yeah.........yeah...will you be up when I get there?..........oh, right, sorry.....we need to talk.....

At that point the SUV goes into a tunnel, and we lose audio and visual.

[Jack Quinn]

<we see Mai on the roof of the Annapolis Arena, because that is where people go when they want to reflect on things, she stares out at the horizon. Moose walks up behind her, without a word and just stands there>

Mai: Do you know why I became a wrestler?

MHJ: No

Mai: My whole life I idolized my brother. He was perfect. I didn't see the flaws because I didn't want to see them. When he decided to become a wrestler, I knew I wanted to follow him. My only hope was that I could be half as good as he is

MHJ: And you turned out to be ten times the wrestler he is

Mai: I did. But it doesn't matter

<they stand in silence for a long time>

Mai: I understand

MHJ: Understand what?

Mai: <turning to Moose> I understand your anger with your sister

MHJ: She turned her back.....

Mai: Not just that. That was just this time, I understand all that anger over all those years. I am not going to compare family histories, that's not what this is about, but I understand what it feels like when all you want is to be normal, to be a family..........to get approval from someone you care about

MHJ: That's not what it is between Fire and I

Mai: Yes it is. In all the times you and Fire have fought, you've always given her credit as one of the best in the world, she never pays you the same respect, she parrots the fucking idiot Alexander Darling's line about you being a garbage wrestler, or never anywhere NEAR as good as her........and you're better

MHJ: And you want that from Juni

Mai: <with tears of sorrow or anger welling up> It's all I've ever wanted from him. He BROKE MY ANKLES to keep me from being better than him, and that didn't stop me. I overcame all of that, and nothing from him. While he was busy winning titles at gunpoint and going insane with power time, after time, after time, I was working my ASS off to be the best I could be. And you know what? He COULD be better than me, but he doesn't care enough to put the work in <Mai snarls> WHY CAN'T HE THINK ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF?

<Mai grabs Moose and hugs him tight, Moose is a bit taken back by the hug at first, then puts his arms around Mai and they stand there for a moment. Moose breaks the hug and takes Mai's chin and looks her in the eyes>

MHJ: That anger. Use it. That anger fuels me, it makes me who I am in the ring. This week, use that against Bill and Justin. Don't think, just do.

<Mai nods then turns back and looks back at the horizon where storm clouds are just starting to gather>

Mai: I am done being the other Muyo. I am done being Juni's little sister. From now on, he will be known as Mai's big brother. From now on, when they talk about a Muyo in the OOWF, they will be talking about ME. This is Mai time <Mai turns and looks at Moose with an evil grin> this is OUR time

<Moose smirks and we fade to black>

[blownspot]

Stank is walking down the Hall of Random Encounters when he encounters a random sexy female journalist apparently from ... aw shit.

Stank - Now what, Voiceover Guy?

Spot had a surprise guest show up to his home culminating in 4 hours of needlessly difficult work to do and he has now lost his will to finish this promo he started earlier. It was going to be a good one too.

Stank - I hate when people just show up in front of you with no warning.

rSFJ - HEY!!! I'm just doing my job!

Stank - I wasn't talking about you.

This is the part where I tell everyone that the random sexy female journalist stomps off in a huff.

Stank - Right. How about you remind Spot that he rarely EVER gets the time to do more than read other promos much less write one. Tell him to get his shit together before I ... Ah fuck ... he's mentally checked out, hasn't he?

He told me to tell you ... he's going to go walk with Elias.

Stank - Figures.

He says Elias's girlfriend, Cheap Heat, is going with them and you should hear the crap she has to say about his hometown.

Stank - As long as she doesn't talk about Atlanta I don't give a shit.

He says she thinks everyone in Atlanta are losers. That's why the Falcons suck so bad.

Stank - HEY!!!

She didn't really mention football. I added the part about the Falcons.

Stank - Yeah FUCK you Voiceover Guy!

[And that's a fade to commercial. Typed in italics and bracketed to denote the end of this meaningless promo.]

Stank - Tell Spot to tell Elias's girlfriend SHE'S the one who sucks!

Are you sure you want me to tell him that? I mean I just ended the promo and everything in beautiful boldface. Respect the brackets, man.

[Sportsguy]

Fade in to the Destroyitarium and we see Matt Folz and Stan Fulton each angrily sitting in silence. 13 is finally brave enough to come up to them.

13: Would this be a good time to ask about your match this week.

Matt: (angry glare)

Stan: (angry glare)

13: Um, I'll come back later.

13 leaves. Matt sighs and shakes his head.

Matt: Since neither team won, guess there's only one thing to do about the bet.

Stan nods and they each go into their wallets and pull out a Hundred Dollar Bill. Matt hands his to Mai Muyo. Stan hands his to Jaime Folz.

Matt: Since neither team won, enjoy this spending spree courtesy of us. Because my team doesn't have a fucking competent head coach.

Stan: And MY team doesn't have a goddamn fucking kicker.

FADE

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is in her office, apparently on a conference video call of sorts, wearing a black and gold football jersey with #19 on it. Stank walks in, and for a moment seems to be kind of appreciating the view of Fire-in-Corporate-Action.

FW: I know Stan is owner of the catering company, Martha, but I am the one responsible for making sure the orders get here on time and correctly. Therefore, calling the supplier IS part of my duties. I need to keep that separate from my relationship with Stan as a wrestler.

MR: *heard from computer monitor* Okay, I get it. I'm sorry there were no English muffins, but we'll be sure to address that on the next shipment. How did you like the samples of hand-cut potato chips?

FW: Well, I don't eat them, but *looking at Stank and smiling* I have it on good authority they were delicious. Please add those as a permanent order.

MR: Got it. Okay, good talking to you, Fire.

FW: You too, Martha.

Fire hits a button on the computer, and goes back to typing furiously.

S: You missed the whole game. They won.

FW: Yeah, well they almost lost to the worst team in the league, so....

S: Win is a win.

FW: *typing* Yeah....

S: What are you doing?

FW: I have to finish this because it's important for our talk.

S: Yeah, about that--

FW: ....AAaaaaaand, DONE!

Fire hits the last key with a flourish, and then smiles, pleased with herself, and then the printer starts.

S: Are we having a talk or a business meeting?

Fire only smiles at him, and then goes to the printer. Many many MANY pages later, Fire gets the stack and then searches around a bit, before finding a three-ring-binder, and places the pages in it.

S: Oh, I see you got the paper with the holes already punched.

FW: Yeah, we do a lot of three-ring-binder work around here, so it just saves time.

S: Uh huh...look, I know you wanted to talk when you got here, but I had that surprise guest and--

FW: No, no, it's okay, it gave me time to get this ready.

Fire hands the binder to Stank who opens it and reads the first page.

S: "Firewoman Operating Manual?"

FW: You said you wanted one, so--

S: Um....I'm not sure what to do with this....

FW: Well, we're going to go through it, so that way.....*deep breath*....so that way maybe it will actually help me be a better fiance.

S: Me having a manual helps you?

FW: *walking around her desk to sit on the other side of it*....Interestingly enough yes, because it forced me to really evaluate what I do and why I do it. Dr. Freedman has been after me for YEARS to do something like this, so yesterday I just sat down and--

S: You wrote...*counting*....fifty pages in 24 hours?

FW: No, no, there was editing that happened too.

S: We really need to talk about your lack of sleep....

FW: So if we turn to page one, for--

S: "Firewoman's Rules of Life"...I already know this one...."Firewoman Lies."

FW: No no, that's everyone ELSE'S rules for understanding...that's not until chapter 7.

S: Seven?

FW: The first rule that Firewoman follows is....*another deep breath*...Firewoman trusts only herself, and no one else.

S: ....

FW: ....

S: Yep, there it is. Got its own chapter.

FW: Life with Sean and Rose definitely laid the groundwork for that but then it got reinforced through many experiences, some that everyone knows about, but others...like Yakuza initiations, and--

S: Woman....*closing the binder*....I don't need a binder...

FW: Are you SURE?

S: Well....no....I just need you to be straight with me.

FW: Right, so--

S: But not because ... look, I need to also be straight with you.

FW: .....uh-oh....

S: No, no no...look, I know there's...something. But I don't want you to tell me.

FW: Huh?

S: You got your reasons, and it's ... look, are you willing to trust me enough to tell me?

FW: ....

S: ....

FW: Yes. I am.

S: .....well, then I trust YOU enough to handle your business.

FW: ...but--

S: No buts.

FW: ....

S: What?

FW: Are you going to read it?

S: This? Um....

FW: I stayed up all night....

S: Okay, yes, but later. Sunday Night Football in the Destroy....um...

FW: *smiling* It's okay, go. I have another conference call.

They kiss and Stank grabs the binder.

S: I'm takin' this.

FW: That sparkles with me.

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

<We fade in to a black and white shot of a smoky room, it appears to be a bar. Sitting at the bar is a man with long, curly red hair, wearing a black leather jacket and smoking a cigar. We only see him from the back, but we assume it is Moosehead Jack. A cloud of smoke exhales and he speaks>

MHJ: <growling> They's times in people's lives when theys gotta stand up and fight for what is right. This chere week.....

CUT!!!!!

<The lights come on and we see we are inside the Destroyitarium and Banned From Everywhere is trying to cut a promo. AA stands there holding the bridge of his nose>

AA: Bil.....baby.....you're killin' me here!

ABFD: Well hell son, I done triedified to get them paper squiggle things what then come outta my mouth right, but that chere Mooseyhead Jack done talkifies all angry like and threatenin' and what not!

AA: WHAT? Justin, can you translate?

<Justin walks into frame dressed very much like Mai, even wearing a wig that resembles her hair style>

JS: Moose is angry, Bill is not.

AA: Why didn't he just say that?

JS: He did!

AA: Ok......let me think. Um......let's try to get Bill angry!

JS: That seems like a bad idea

AA: No! He just needs motivation! BILL! Your momma wears combat boots!

ABFD: Hell yeah son! Ol Mamma Willa From Dawson Villa.......that's them fancypants apartments what momma moved into when her an Daddy Sill From Dawsonvile done divorcified. Anyhow, hell yeah she wears combat boots! That ol' girl is a Sargent for the Dawsonville Reserves!

AA: <again holding his nose> Of course she is. Ok, how about this........Dawsonville SUCKS!

ABFD: Son, hain't that the truth! That chere economacy done went ta hell when the tannery slash seafood place closified shop! Son, it hain't easy livin' there!

AA: <throwing his hands up in frustration> HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK WITH THIS! Bill, I need you to be Moose! You have to get angry about something!

<Justin leans over and whispers something in his ear>

AA: <to Justin> You sure? <Justin nods enthusiastically> Ok then.......Bill.......the Georgia Bulldogs SUCK!

<the music scratches to a stop, everyone freezes and looks at AA, behind the bar, Arctic McBearington drops a glass, Opus stares then quickly clears the cards and cash he was winning from a production assistant into a bag and scurries off. Ellie May, who had been on her phone, ends her call abruptly and stares at AA in disbelief>

ABFD: Son.........what did you say?

AA: I said.......uh.........I said.........Moose said the Georgia Bulldogs SUCK!

<the camera shot goes back to black and white, and we see Bill throw the cigar away, take off the wig and jacket and stare into the camera>

ABFD: You can make funna my momma, you can make fun of Dawsonville......hell, boy, you can even make funna Bill for not bein' the smartest guy in the world, but HAIN'T NO ONE GONNA MAKE FUNNA THEM DAWGS! OH! HELL! NO! Mooseyhead Jack, you and Your Muyo got a fight a comin' at Mayhem Bill is gonna stomp a mudhole in your Dawg hatin' ass and walk that sumbitch dry! No sir! Ol Bill once fought a <nearly spitting the words> Georgia Tech Yallerjacket fan for a week on accounta him sayin them bees would whup my DAWGS! NO SIR! NO SIR! NOT AT ALL! You and Your Muyo! OH HELL NO! SON, ARCTIC! OL BILL NEEDS A GALLON AND KEEP THEM SUMBITCHES COMIN!

<Bill stomps off toward the bar>

EMFE: <to AA> Did you really think this would be a good idea? Either him making fun of Moose, or getting Bill that riled up?

AA: Yes?

EMFE: YOU are not the one that has to deal with this!

AA: I KNOW! Isn't it great? I can be an asshole and there are NO repercussions! I can be a terrible person and completely get away with it! This is why I retired and became AA Promo Man Extraordinaire!

EMFE: Yeah you are losing at the award voting

ABFD: HE DON INSULTIFIED THEM DAWGS!

AA: WHAT? I am LOSING?

EMFE: Yep

<Justin walks up to AA>

JS: I haven't voted yet

AA: Well, go vote for me!

JS: <putting his hand out> Five bucks

<AA absent mindedly hands him a five and Justin walks off>

AA: See, that is why I retired from the OOWF! I was never appreciated, my ART was never appreciated! I was....

<Justin walks up again, this time with the Mai outfit on>

JS: I haven't voted either

AA: Mai? Why are you here?

ABFD: THEM DAWGS SUCK? SON! I AM GONNA SKIN ME A MOOSE ON WEDNESDAY!

JS: To vote! Can I borrow five bucks?

AA: <digging another five from his pocket> Sure, vote for me! <back to Ellie May> as I was saying, I was never appreciated for my talent, my vision, my ability to talk circles around everyone in the OOWF, I remain the greatest promo man in the history......

<Justin......this time wearing a padded outfit and a big red beard walks into the picture>

JS: Hey, is this where I can vote?

AA: F. Fonzworth McCappington?

JS: Totally! Hey, I just stopped by to vote for you, do you have five bucks so I can take the bus back to Fresno?

AA: Can't you ride with Carl?

JS: No

ABFD: <almost sobbing> Glory, glory to old Georgia!
Glory, glory to old Georgia!
Glory, glory to old Georgia!
G-E-O-R-G-I-A. SON!
Glory, glory to old Georgia!
Glory, glory to old Georgia!
Glory, glory to old Georgia!
G-E-O-R-G-I-A. SON!

AA: FINE! <he hands Justin another five bucks, then goes back to talking to Ellie May> SEE! THAT! THAT right there is TRUE respect! That man tried to KILL me more times than I can count and even HE as big, dumb and ugly as he is, even HE can recognize my true brilliance! You know, it's a curse really, to be this talented.......

<Justin comes up again, this time wearing a Corax mask - available at OOWFShopZone.com>

JS: Hey, I am here to vote for Fulton, Folz and Football, is this where I do it?

AA: <eyeing him very closely> Waaaaaaait a minute.........I see what's going on here

JS: <reaching up to take his mask off> ok, you got me.......

AA: You're DEAD! How can you vote?

JS: Um.........shhhhhhhhhh.......kayfabe will hear! Look, for five bucks, I will go back to being dead!

AA: DEAL! <AA hands Justin five bucks> hey.......waaaaaaaiiiiiiit a minute here! I see what the game is!

JS: Oh......well, see I was just.......

AA: You are just going to vote for Fulton, Folz and Football and THEN go back to being dead! No way........another five bucks says you vote for ME before you go back to being dead!

JS: Ummmm........sure thing boss! Oh......hey, since I am dead, I had to take a cab, you know, union rules and all that, I am double parked outside so......

AA: Of course! How's this, here's another ten, tell the rest of the "deadies" to come vote for me!

JS: Um.......sure thing! I will do that, thing, that makes no sense!

ABFD: HE DONE BESMIRCHIFIED THEM DAWGS! ARCTIC! ANOTHER GALLON!

AA: See? They are even coming back from the dead to vote for me! I should have been in the hall of fame the day I set foot in this promotion! I am the single greatest......

<Ellie May's phone rings, she steps away from AA, who doesn't stop talking>

EMFE: Hello Justin, thank GOD! AA won't stop talking!

<we cut across the room to Justin counting his money while on the phone>

JS: I know. Wanna go to the zoo? I found some money

EMFE: <grinning> Found?

JS: Earned?

EMFE: Yes Justin, we an go to the zoo

<Ellie May and Justin leave, while Bill is still lamenting the besmirchment of the Dawgs and AA is still talking to no one in particular as we fade>

[Jack Quinn]

<Cut to the Destroyitarium where we see 13 sitting at the bar going over some paperwork. The rest of the Saints are off doing whatever it is the Saints do, so she finally has some peace and quiet........until Shannon walks in>

13: Shannon! To what do I owe the pleasure?

SM: I need to do an interview

13: Sure thing. <13 gets her mic> I am here with Shannon Mann. Shannon, this week you face Ghosthead, your husband. How are you feeling about this match after what your husband did to Shizuru? And, how is Shizuru doing?

SM: Shizuru is at home healing after the brutal and uncalled for assault by Ghosthead. What you did to Shizuru was nothing short of attempted murder, and I don't say that lightly given the things that have gone down in the OOWF. One shard of glass from that windshield missed his jugular by millimeters. Tonight, I will show you what it feels like to have your life held in someone else's hands. Someone who no longer cares.

13: So, what is it with you and Shizuru, and why such contempt toward Ghost?

SM: Shizuru showed me what I could truly be. Ghost seems to think I am little more than his decoration.

<Shannon snarls at the camera, then turns and walks away as we fade>

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#879)
Live! From Annapolis, Maryland
September 19, 2018

KYLIE MIGNOLIO vs. STANK

No contest as tensions finally boil over and the two just decide to brawl. Match TBEIL

ECOSYSTEM & FIREWOMAN vs. BEER MONEY

Fire and SYB start out and Fire just starts destroying him, battering him all around the ring for the first few minutes of the match. Brainbuster gets two. Codebreaker gets 2. Fire with a backbreaker and then a tag to Eco who comes off the top rope with an elbow that gets two. Eco with an Irish Whip, SYB reverses and Skurge nails Eco with a cheap shot. SYB makes the tag, Skurge comes in with a shoulderbreaker to make Eco the face in peril.

SYB and Skurge smartly cut the ring in half and make frequent tags to keep Eco off balance. Skurge with a huge powerbomb that gets 2. Double big boot gets 2. SYB heads to the top and looks for a moonsault but Eco moves out of the way. Both men struggle to their corners. SYB makes the tag to Skurge, Skurge tries to cut off Eco but Eco reaches up and makes the hot tag to Fire. Fire comes in with tons of energy and nails the big man with several strong kicks and chops. SYB tries to interfere but Fire throws him over the top rope. Fire with a swinging neckbreaker to Skurge and heads up for the BFE. 1...2...3.

Winners (Pinfall, 8:45) Ecosystem and Firewoman.

Russ: Fire sure wasn't pulling any punches, she looks as intense as ever.
Razz: Perhaps sending a message to her brother and the rest of the Saints.

SHANNON MANN vs. GHOSTHEAD

Shannon is announced and comes to the ring first, the crowd boos the hell out of her, but she ignores it and climbs into the ring and paces. Ghost’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring. Shannon stops her pacing and glares at her husband as he makes his way to the ring. As Ghost steps into the ring he stares at his wife. They meet in the middle of the ring and as the referee is about to call for the bell, Shannon knees Ghost right in the Mann Family Jewels. The bell rings as Ghost drops to his knees. Shannon hits the ropes and blasts him with a shining wizard to the head, sending him flat on his back. Shannon stands on his throat until the referee calls for the break. She reluctantly breaks, then pulls Ghost to his feet and throws him out of the ring.

Shannon follows him and chokes him with a cord, then throws him shoulder first into the guard rail. Shannon then grabs a chair and slams it across the shoulder that just hit the steel. Ghost seems slightly taken aback by the assault from his wife. Shannon lands repeated punches to the face, then pulls Ghost to his feet and throws him back into the ring where she chokes him on the bottom rope, then the middle rope, then springs over the top rope dropping a leg across the back of his head and springing him back into the ring. Shannon gets back into the ring but doesn’t even go for the cover. Shannon pulls Ghost up and whips him into the corner and charges, but Ghost gets a boot up in time and nearly kicks her head off her shoulders.

As Shannon staggers away, Ghost explodes out of the corner and levels her with a clothesline. Ghost stands over his wife for a moment, he almost seems uncertain as to what he wants to do next. He drops to the mat and catches Shannon in the rings of Saturn trying for a submission. Shannon easily makes it to the ropes forcing the break. Ghost pulls her to her feet and lifts her for a suplex, but Shannon slips free and lands on her feet behind Ghost. Ghost hits the ropes and charges at Shannon, but she low bridges him and he sails over the top rope to the floor.

As Shannon gets back to her feet, she grabs her knee and falls to the mat. The referee moves in to check on her, Shannon tries to wave him off and stand again, but she collapses to the mat.

Russ: Didn’t we just see this with Mai last week?
Razz: Injuries happen

As Shannon and the ref argue over stopping the match, a heavily bandaged Shizuru races to the ring with a lead pipe in his hand. As Ghost stands up and turns around Shizuru swings for the fences and NAILS Ghost right in the face! Ghost’s nose is clearly broken as he begins pouring blood. Shizuru grabs him and hits a PSYCHO DRIVER on the floor! Then a second, and finally a third! He rolls Ghost into the ring, Ghost is out cold at this point. Shannon springs to her feet and traps Ghost in a sharpshooter

Russ: I TOLD YOU WE HAD JUST SEEN THIS!
Razz: How many ways are there to distract the referee? I mean really?

<Kayfabe shows up at the announce table with a flaming barbed wire bat and just stares at Razz>>

Razz: I mean……..DAMN THAT SHANNON MAN! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO HER HUSBAND!

<satisfied, Kay walks away>

Ghost is not moving at all, the referee lifts his arm three times and it drops all three times. He calls for the bell
WINNER in 6:14 – Shannon Mann

As soon as the bell rings Shizuru is in the ring dropping knees on the back of Ghost’s head while Shannon keeps him trapped in the sharpshooter. Finally the crowd pops as BFE, Eco and Fire all race to the ring. Shannon and Shizuru beat a hasty retreat before they get their asses handed to them. EMT’s race to the ring as well and put a neck brace on Ghost before putting him on a gurney to take him to the back, and presumably the hospital

BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & MAI MUYO

Fire and Eco bump knuckles with Bill and Justin and they head to the back. BFE remains in the ring as they are announced and the crowd loves it. Bill grabs a mic:

MOOSEYHEAD JACKASS! Get yer ass out here son! You done insultified them Dawgs and you got an ass whuppin’ comin! Bring Your Muyo out as well! She done turnified her back on these chere people and Justin hain’t none too happy about THAT!

“The Saints” plays and Moose and Mai storm the ring and the fight is immediately ON! Bill makes a bee line for Moose and the two of them start throwing punches and quickly spill out of the ring to the floor, where they continue to brawl. The referee decides to let them fight it out, and Mai and Justin are legal to start the match. Mai and Justin go forehead to forehead arguing about something, Justin points to the crowd, Mai steps back and laughs, then kicks Justin in the gut and goes for a piledriver, but Justin backdrops out of it. As Mai gets to her feet Justin springs off the middle rope and tries a spinning kick to the head, but Mai catches him and dumps him to the mat and tries to catch him in a crossface, but Justin slips free and gets to his feet, hits the ropes and connects with a drop kick to Mai’s face that drops her back to the mat. Justin covers, but Mai kicks out at one.

On the outside, Bill has Moose sitting on a chair, dazed from too many punches to the face. He climbs onto the apron and tries a cannonball but Moose moves off the chair and Bill crashes into it, grabbing his back in pain. Moose grabs what’s left of the chair and brings it down on Bill several times. Moose ditches the chair and slides into the ring just as Justin is rebounding off the ropes and Jack clotheslines him out of his boots. The referee warns Moose and sends him to the apron. Mai grabs Justin and whips him into the Saints corner and tags in Moose. Moose and Mai spend the next few minutes decimating Justin, Bill remains on the floor just starting to stir from the chair shots. Moose drops Justin with a DDT, then tags in Mai. Mai lifts Justin and slams him down on her knee and Moose heads to the top rope. From the outside, Bill gets to his feet and shoves Moose off the top rope. He hits the ropes neck first and falls to the mat. Bill races around the ring and gets to his corner and starts stomping and clapping, getting the people behind Justin to make the tag.

Mai shoves Justin to the mat, then pulls him up and slams him between the eyes with a headbutt that staggers Justin. Mai charges with a clothesline, but somehow Justin arm drags her. Justin pops back to his feet, still seemingly not knowing where he is, Mai tries a running sick kick, but Justin absent mindedly catches her foot and snaps her to the mat with a dragon screw. Mai gets to her feet and Justin charges and tries to crawl between her legs, but Mai grabs Justin and lifts him into a powerbomb, but Mai forgot one important thing, YOU CANNOT POWERBOMB JUSTIN SANE! Justin slips off her shoulders, spins her around, grabs her and hits DOUG HATES TOAST then makes the dramatic falling hot tag to Bill and the crowd ERUPTS!

Bill comes in and drops an elbow on Mai. Moose is on his feet and tries to attack Bill, but Bill goozles him, then hits him with an ATOMIC ELBOW! Then another, and another and another, then FLIP FLOP AND FLY and Moose hits the mat and bails out of the ring. Bill pulls Mai up and sends her to the ropes and elevates her with a big back body drop. As Mai stands again, Bill clotheslines her, then tries for the CUYLER CLUTCH, but Mai gets her foot on the bottom rope. Justin has recovered at this point, he says something to Bill and Bill gets on his hands and knees, Justin gets a running start, leaps off Bill’s back and sails over the top rope before crashing into Moose on the outside. The crowd explodes for this! While Bill is celebrating Justin’s move, Mai reaches into her knee pad and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles. She takes a swing at Bill, but Bill ducks and catches Mai and hits an atomic drop! Mai howls in pain as the knucks fly into the air. Bill picks up the knucks and puts them on and has Mai lined up. Moose jumps onto the apron and Bill charges at him and KILLS Moose with a knuck shot to the head! Jack falls to the floor, barely moving. The referee happened to see this, and he immediately calls for the bell.
WINNERS via DQ in 22:37 – Moosehead Jack & Mai Muyo

Moose remains face down on the floor, blood pooling around his head. Justin slides back into the ring and they double team Mai, much to the crowd’s delight. They are about to hit a rocket launcher on Mai when the rest of the Saints storm the ring. Bill and Justin escape through the crowd to safety, much to the delight of the crowd. The Saints help a groggy Moose to his feet and help him to the back. Seeing Moose carried out also delights the crowd to no end.

JACK BULLET & MAC FLASHER vs. THE SAINTS OF SINNERS - OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

Mike Elevenbee stands in the ring with a general crowd noise behind him.

ME: Our next match is for the OOWF Tag Team Titles and has a 30-minute time limit. Introducing first, the challengers, at a combined weight of 435 pounds, “Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet and OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, Mac Flasher.

Bullet and Flasher appear on the entrance stage, coming out to “I Get Wet” by Andrew W.K. as the Man of Action defers to the music of his partner.

Russ: A show of unity from the challengers coming out together even though they are not a regular team.
Razz: And that will be their undoing. If the best-established teams in OOWF couldn’t defeat the current champions, how are these fly-by night partners supposed to?

ME: And their opponents, the OOWF Tag Team Champions, at a combined weight of 592 pounds, the Saints of Sinners, Matt Folz and “Crusher” Stan Fulton.

Folz defers to his partner as they enter to “Crusher” by the Ramones. The fans boo the champions down to the ring.

Russ: The Saints and the challengers have had some words in the past week with Folz and Fulton taking exception to Mac and Jack’s flippant attitude and assertion that they haven’t beaten anybody.
Razz: I hate to admit it, but it does seem like they’ve gotten under the champ’s skins, but that is a place you don’t want to be. Yes, poke the bear, see where that gets you.

Referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell. Fulton looks poised to start for his team and points at Bullet.

Russ: The big conflict seems to be between Fulton and Bullet and the Crusher wants the Silver Eagle to start.

Fulton lurches forward, but Bullet surprises with his superior speed to the big man and flies in with a Superman punch to the face. It staggers Fulton, but doesn’t knock him off is feet. Jack fires a couple more punches, grabs Fulton by the wrist and tries to whip him into the ropes. Stan stands his ground, reverses and send Bullet to the opposite ropes. Jack ducks under a clothesline, comes off the other side and Fulton turns to take a dropkick. He’s knocked back slightly, but doesn’t go down.

Razz: Stan Fulton the only person who can be an irresistible force and an immovable object at the same time.

Bullet goes into the ropes again and comes off for a Thesz Press. Stan catches Jack around the waist in a bear hug, then slams him to the mat. The ring shakes violently. Fulton follows with a couple forearms to the face. He picks Bullet up and tosses him into the Saints’ corner. Stan lumbers in with a shoulder thrust to the gut. He drives his shoulder in two more times then tags Folz.

Matt hooks Jack up and pulls him out of the corner for a suplex. Bullet slips out, grabs the waist from behind and reels off a release German suplex. Jack quickly tags Flasher. He enters and each face grabs a leg. They make a wish and the crowd cheers. Barros points for Jack to take the apron.

Flasher hooks Folz up for a suplex, but blocks and reverses for one of his own. Mac starts to make his way up and Matt collars him in a Cobra Clutch. Before he can lock it in, Flasher fires a kick back and catches the knee. Mac spins with his forearm cocked and nails Folz in the head. He wraps his arm around the head and skips out for a bulldog. Flasher vaults to his feet and comes back down with a leg drop to the back. Mac rolls Folz over for a cover, but he keeps rolling into the ropes. Flasher backs off and tags Bullet.

Folz makes his feet while holding the ropes and kicks to keep Jack away. More steady, Matt engages Jack in a lockup. They jockey around the ring until winding up in the heel corner. Fulton slaps Folz on the back to tag himself in. He comes in while the pair are still locked up and straight up punches Bullet in the back of the head. Folz breaks off and takes the apron. Fulton backdrop suplexes Bullet out of the corner. He stands and points as if Flasher is coming in. Barros turns to see nothing and Stan drops with a headbutt to the groin.

Russ: Stump Shot by Stan Fulton. I don’t understand how an illegal low blow can have its own name.
Razz: If Jack Bullet can name a fist drop, Stan Fulton can name a shot to the gonads.

Bullet writhes on the mat in pain and Fulton stomps at him. He drops a knee to the chest and then digs a forearm into Bullet’s throat. Barros counts to four and Stan lets up. He pulls Bullet to his feet and measures him. He hits the Clear Cut spinning clothesline. Bullet goes down and Fulton drops all of his 367 pounds on top for a cover. One…two…Bullet rolls a shoulder up.

Russ: Something tells me Fulton didn’t’ want the match to be over yet anyway. He promised to deliver pain to the challengers and he’s just begun to do that.
Razz: Compared to everyone else, Jack Bullet has been in the OOWF a relatively short time and we’ve seen him up against much bigger opponents, but not a human wrecking ball like Stan Fulton.

Fulton picks up Bullet by the wrist and throws him into the ropes, Bullet comes off into a spinning back elbow and goes down again. He picks Jack up again and whips him into the near corner. Fulton rushes for an avalanche, but Jack gets his foot up and Stan eats a boot. He backs up. Bullet pops to the second turnbuckle and comes off with an elbow to the head. Fulton staggers back more, but doesn’t go down.

Bullet runs into Fulton and leaps to grab him for a tornado DDT. Fulton blocks and swings Bullet around for a side slam, but Jack rides the momentum to get behind Fulton and pushes him into the ropes. He tries an O’Connor Roll, but Stan grabs the ropes to stop it. Bullet rolls backwards and up to his feet. He runs in with a clothesline that has little affect. He tries another and Fulton wobbles. He goes for a third, but Fulton drops while pulling the top rope and Bullet is dumped to the floor. Stan rolls under the bottom rope and goes to the floor.

Mac Flasher drops to the floor and jaws at Fulton. Matt Folz comes over and stands with his partner. This allows Bullet to make it back to his feet.

Russ: Are we going to see a brawl out here on the floor?
Razz: The champs could take the easy count our or DQ loss or win, but that’s not what they want here. They want to send a message to these two pretenders to the throne. This will finish in the ring.

To prove Razz correct, Fulton points to the ring and rolls back in. Folz and Flasher take their corners. Jack smartly rolls back in near Mac and tags him.

Russ: If anything, the little outside stare down allowed Bullet to get a much needed tag.

Flasher tries to surprise Fulton as he gets his bearings back in the ring, but he runs right into a spinning back elbow from the Crusher. While stunned, Fulton runs into the ropes and comes off with the Drop Line running elbow to the chest. This knocks Flasher into the ropes. Fulton hooks him and nails a slingshot suplex. He covers for one…two…shoulder up. Fulton tosses the world champion into the corner and presses a beefy boot to his throat while holding onto the ropes. Folz leans over and slaps is partner for a tag and enters. They trade places on the foot choke and Barros starts his count back over. Folz breaks right at five.

Matt sits Flasher up on the second rope and monkey flips him out of the corner. This puts him halfway across the ring. He reaches out to tag Jack, but Matt cuts him off and pulls him back into the center of the ring. He hooks the leg and scores a teardrop suplex. Folz comes up still holding the legs and goes for the anklelock, but Flasher kicks him off. Mac stands, but is floored by a diving clothesline as Folz comes off the ropes. He tries for the ankle lock again, but Flasher turns over and scurries to the ropes. Barros forces Folz to let get, even if he doesn’t want to.
Flasher tries to make it to Bullet again, but Folz shakes off Barros and catches Mac from behind with the Tazmission. They fall back to the mat with Mac flaying wildly. He has it cinched tight, but Flasher refuses to submit.

Russ: This could be it here. Flasher is all tied up with no place to go.

Flasher rolls over so Folz is now on his back, but with the move still locked. He makes his knees. Folz decides to pull Mac back up straight and this allows Mac to peddle backwards and drive Folz into the near corner to break the hold.

Russ: Smart tactic there. Flasher didn’t have enough power to stand straight up with the more muscular Folz on his back, but getting to his knees made it awkward enough for Matt to pull them the rest of the way up, allowing Mac to get the break.

Flasher has Folz around the head and tries to bring him out of the corner with a Diamond Cutter, but Matt pushes him out of it. Flasher lands on his feet, Matt charges and runs headlong into a super kick. Both men go down. A beat up Flasher crawls for his corner, but Folz makes the tag first. Fulton comes in and catches Flasher by the trunks. He pulls him into the center of the ring and up into a bear hug.

Russ: A weakened Mac Flasher now locked in a bear hug by a bear of a man who knows how to work that hold.
Razz: A lot of people view this as a wear down hold, but in the hands of a veteran big man like Stan Fulton, it can be a powerful submission hold, especially to an already tired opponent.

Flasher screams in pain as Fulton cranks down on the bear hug. One can see his locked hands grinding into the small of Flasher’s back. He works it for some time, but Flasher refuses to give up. However, being much taller than Fulton gives Mac a height advantage and he uses it to fire down two punches on Fulton’s head and then makes with a bell ringer to break. Stan lets go. Flasher turns, looking for the tag, but an only slightly stunned Fulton drops to one knee while lunging forward with a forearm to the lower back.

Flasher goes down. Fulton stands and drags Flasher over to his corner by the ankle like a caveman dragging a kill to his cave. He tags Folz, who vaults over the ropes with a leg drop to the lower back. Matt sits squarely on the lower back and locks in a Boston Crab.

Russ: He’s really cranking back on the Boston Crab, it’s almost a standing crab by how far back Folz is leaning.
Razz: Flasher has been fighting out of submission holds for about half the match now. I have to give the champion credit for holding on long past the point a normal grappler would, but there has to be an end somewhere here.

Flasher tries to pull himself across the canvas by his arms. Jack Bullet stands on the apron and leans over as far as he can with his arm outstretched and his other hand on the tag rope. The fans stomp and clap while chatting “MAC!” “MAC!” “MAC!”

Flasher starts to inch closer and closer to the corner. Fulton comes in and drops an elbow to Flasher’s head. The crowd boos. Barros puts himself into Fulton and pushes him back as best he can, telling him to take the apron.

Russ: Fulton with the illegal shot to save a possible tag.
Razz: That’s just great tag work. You pop in, you pop out. If Barros says, okay, you’re disqualified, then the champs keep the belt.

Russ: I thought you said they didn’t want the DQ loss to retain?
Razz: I said the match would end in the ring and that would be in the ring. They just don’t want to do it outside.

Folz continues to crank down on the Boston Crab. Flasher once again pushes himself up by his arms and tries to drag himself across the mat. Fulton looks to come in again. Bullet sees this and storms into the ring, but Barros cuts him off and tells him to take the apron. While this is happening, Fulton and Folz trade places. Folz claps his hands from the apron to sound like a tag. Barros turns to find Fulton now working the crab and he allows it.

Razz: Okay, they didn’t officially tag there, but they could have easily, so that’s cool with me.
Russ: Well, having the bulkier Fulton on the Boston Crab is applying even more torque to the legs and more stress on that lower back. It’s also going to make it a lot harder for Flasher to crawl to his corner.

Mac can’t move under the crushing weight of the Crusher. He starts to fade and finally his face drops to the canvas.

Russ: Is that it? Has Mac Flasher passed out from the pain?

Fulton continues to work the hold. Barros checks Flasher. He raises one limp arm and it falls down. He picks up Flasher’s head and it falls down. Barros taps Fulton on the shoulder and he lets go. Raising his hand in victory.

Russ: It looks like Flasher passed out from the pain…No! Wait!

Flasher suddenly comes to life and lunges across the ring to touch the outstretch hand of Jack Bullet. The crowd goes ballistic.

Russ: Flasher was playing opossum. He wasn’t really knocked out and Barros never called for the bell. This match continues!

Bullet flies across the ring like a house of fire. Fulton turns to be dropkicked into his corner. Bullet pops up and nails Folz on the apron, sending him to the floor, before he can react. Bullet whips Fulton out of the corner to the opposite one. He then flies in with the Eagle Splash. Bullet mounts Fulton in the corner and rains down the punches. The crowd counts along One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten.

Bullet turns to face the ring while standing on the second turnbuckle. He collars Fulton around the head and skips off with a bulldog. Bullet points to the top rope and the crowd goes wild. He climbs and leaps high in the air for an Eagle Dive. He comes down on Fulton and hooks the leg. One…two…thre…Matt Folz comes in out of nowhere to make the save.

The crowds roars again as Mac Flasher tackles Folz also out of nowhere and they go to the floor.

Bullet stands and puts Fulton’s head between his legs.

Razz: He’s not going to try the piledriver on Stan Fulton is he. That’s insane.

Jack rears back and gets Fulton’s legs just a bit off the ground. He tries again and they come a bit more off the ground. He tries a third time……no, Fulton makes his feet and backdrops out. He goes over to Bullet who shoots a hand up to the face.

Russ: The Talon. Jack Bullet has his signature face claw locked in. Now let’s see how long Fulton can last in a submission hold.

On the outside, Folz moves and Flasher posts himself. Matt rolls back into the ring and goes over to Jack, who is now standing with the face claw locked in on Stan. Matt walks right into the other outstretched arm of Bullet.

Russ: It’s a double Talon. Bullet has the move locked in on both men.
Razz: He’s not going to be able to hold that for long.

Fulton and Folz fire kicks in unison to Bullet’s knees. He drops the face claws. The champs hook Bullet up and get a double suplex. Barros tries to get control back. Folz shakes him off and tells Fulton to go up top…well, halfway.

Russ: It’s the Crusher. If he hits this, Bullet will be flattened.

Flasher appears on the apron and shakes the ropes. Fulton loses his balance and falls down from the second turnbuckle. Folz goes after Flasher, who meets him with a forearm to the jaw. Flasher uses the ropes to springboard into the ring, rolls over Matt’s back and hooks his arms for the Kill Switch. Bullet pulls Fulton up between his legs, hoists with a mighty effort and falls back.

Russ: Action Driver! Jack Bullet hit a piledriver on the massive Stan Fulton.

Bullet covers and one………..two………THREE! Bullet jumps to his feet and he and Mac celebrate, grabbing the tag titles.
WINNERS in………

But wait! The referee is waving it off! Fulton and Folz are confused, while Bullet and Mac are OUTRAGED! The referee offers an explanation to Elevenbee and he announces it.

ME: Ladies and Gentlemen, time had expired JUST before the referee’s count was final. Which means this bout has ended in a 30-minute time limit draw. Therefore, the Saints of Sinners retain and are STILL your OOWF Tag Team Champions.

Razz: Saved by the bell!

Jack Bullet and Mac Flasher plead their case with Barros, but he shakes his head, because there is nothing he can do. He takes the titles and hands them back to the Saints. They roll out of the ring to the floor and they head backwards up the ramp, looking at the ring. They hoist their titles up high while the crowd boos the shit out of them

Russ: The challengers put on a great effort here. They were one second away from becoming the new tag team champions, but it wasn’t to be.
Razz: Now maybe Flasher and Bullet can stop pretending to be super friends and focus on facing each other at Hell on Earth.
The scene fades as Bullet and Flasher point and yell to the champs that they will get them next time.

ZED vs. BRIDGET O’MALLEY – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

“Hero” plays out Zed – and BRICK~! – to a less-than-positive response. Zed pays it no mind, however, as he jogs to the ring, climbs calmly through the ropes and waits on his opponent. Bridget O’Malley – with OOWF Intercontinental Championship in hand – enters next, drawing a huge ovation. With Zed and BRICK~! in the ring, Bridget steps onto the apron and climbs into the ring, under Zed’s watchful eye. Bridget salutes the fans in Annapolis before handing off her championship to Davis Hightower.

Hightower shows the championship to Zed (and BRICK~) before holding it over his head. A call for the bell as Hightower hands the title off to ring announcer Mike Elevenbee starts this match as Zed charges Bridget and gets air for his efforts. A second charge. More air. A third charge gets a knee to the face as Bridget makes a quick cover and gets 1. Zed scrambles to his feet and eats a dropkick, also getting 1 on a pinfall attempt. Zed, slaps the mat and is wrapped in a rear naked choke, but easily escapes with a thumb to Bridget’s throat. That jab sends Bridget on her back, giving Zed an opening that he’ll gladly take. Zed stomps away on Bridget, focusing on the shoulders as Hightower chides Zed to break as Bridget had made her way to the ropes. Zed pulls Bridget to the center of the ring, where an elbow drop gets 1. Zed readjusts his elbow pad, an accessory making its in-ring debut, and drops another elbow … On the mat thanks to Bridget rolling away from danger. Zed clutches his elbow in agony and rolls out of the ring.

Russ: “Weird. Zed never reported anything like an elbow injury, now he’s wearing a protective pad and clutching his elbow while in a lot of pain when missing that drop.”
Razz: “Zed’s one of the hardest workers in OOWF. He could have injured that elbow when handing soup to a homeless citizen at a nearby kitchen.”
Russ: “Think about what you just said and get back to me.”
Razz: “Hey! Totally plausible. I never said he was handing the soup out for free. BRICK~! would never allow that.”

Zed and BRICK~! confer as Hightower climbs his count to 5 before Zed rolls back in. He asks for Hightower to give him space between he and Bridget as the champion makes her way toward him. Hightower steps in, giving Zed the chance to deliver a boot to Bridget’s knee, hyperextending it backwards and putting Zed in clear control with Bridget unable to stand. Zed starts to work on Bridget’s knee by driving it into the canvas, grinding it into the mat for good measure. A kneeling forearm to the back her knee follows as Bridget tries to crawl to the safety of the ropes, before Zed pulls her back. Bridget tries to kick Zed away with her good leg, but Zed brushes it off and continues to work on the injured wheel. Zed turns his focus to Bridget’s ankle, removing her kickpad to expose the joints at her ankle before stomping away. Zed then rolls into a modified heel hook, more to control her leg than to gain submission as he hammers away at her knee. Bridget tries to boot away Zed with her free leg, but Zed’s grip is not compromised, either on the ankle or with the ropes behind him when he needs a breather from beating on her knee.

The rope saga goes on for a bit as every set of eyes, except for the ones that matter, see Zed taking a hold of the middle rope. Finally, Hightower glances up and sees Zed’s hand on the ropes. The senior OOWF official hops up and demands a break, counting to 4 before Zed relents. Zed doesn’t give Bridget a moment of rest, stomping at the damaged leg as the Maryland crowd tries to urge Bridget to fight back. Zed picks Bridget up into a stretch muffler, hopping up and down to increase the torque on the leg as Bridget flails in pain. With Hightower checking on a submission from Bridget, Zed reaches back and grabs BRICK~!’s hand. This does not sit well with the fans as Zed’s bounces add more anguish to Bridget’s day. Again, Hightower sees the shenanigans after they’ve done their part and calls on Zed to break the hold. Zed unceremoniously dumps Bridget in a heap as he soaks in the jeers from Annapolis’ finest fans.

Razz: “You’ll never agree with it, but it’s awfully effective when Zed uses everything around him to his advantage.”
Russ: “You’re right, I won’t. But he doesn’t care all too much about my opinion.”

As Zed argues with Hightower, Bridget sneaks in a rollup and gets 2. With Zed popping up, Bridget turns the tide with a leaping left-footed strike to the face, dropping Zed to the ground in a pile of himself. As BRICK~! protests, citing that Bridget has loaded kickpads, Zed rolls toward a corner as Hightower inspects the kickpad. While this is happening, BRICK~! appears to be rubbing Zed’s elbow, but with special interest in configuring the elbow pad just right. Zed comes out of the corner and right into a forearm smash from Bridget, who battles through the pain in her right leg to deliver a series of hamstring kicks that eventually become chest shots as Zed falls to the mat. Bridget steps back and delivers a Shining Wizard, but cannot make the cover as she clutches her right leg. Bridget eventually rolls over and gets 1 before Zed kicks out. Undeterred, Bridget rocks Zed with a forearm to the jaw, driving him backward. A charging attack is derailed when Bridget’s leg buckles underneath her. With BRICK~! shouting instructions, Zed perks up and delivers a roaring elbow to Bridget, knocking her silly. Zed doesn’t need the GTH DDT, but he’ll deliver it anyway. That gets 3 as garbage fills the ring.
WINNER (pinfall, 15:13) and NEW OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, ZED!

Bridget lay unconscious as Zed celebrates as if he’d pulled off the upset of the century. BRICK~! can be seen holding Zed’s arm long enough to supposedly remove something from the elbow pad before placing his hand in his pocket. Zed shows the title to Bridget, who isn’t much for opening her eyes before holding the championship high for all to see – and disapprove of. Zed’s upturned middle fingers while holding the championship above his head indicate how he feels about the disapproving nature of these fans.

Kylie makes her way to the ring and gets in Zed’s face accusing him of cheating. Things are about to get physical when Stank hits the ring and attacks Kylie from behind. Zed and Stank beat Kylie to the mat until a groggy Bridget makes the save and clears the ring with a chair. Bridgett falls to one knee while holding the side of her head. She and Kylie glare at Stank and Zed as we fade to black.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Hell on Earth 14, September 29, LIVE! from Asheville, North Carolina! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! September 26th live! From Richmond, Virginia!

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