[Moosehead Jack]

OOWF New Year's Evil PPV (#895)
Live! From Makaklio, Hawaii
December 30, 2018

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Onslaught Rules Iron Man Metallic PERSON Match
Firewoman vs. Jack Bullet

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Nick Fleming vs. Zed

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
Kylie Mignolio & Bridget O'Malley vs. The Saints of Sinners

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Mac Flasher vs. Sebastian Davis

Winner Gets an Onslaught Championship Match Next Week
Shizuru vs. Alexis Darling vs. Mama Juana vs. Trent Powers

Beverly Cambridge vs. Justin Sane


Card subject to Fire and Mama Juana angering the volcano gods

[Moosehead Jack]

<we cut to a hastily thrown together press conference where the lead OOWF Medical official Dr. Gord Brody comes out to the podium>

Just a quick update on some of our competitors tonight, Jack Bullet and Firewoman are still being evaluated after their match, there does not appear to be any life threatening, or permanent damage to either of them, but it is still too soon to say definitively.

As for Mr. Darling, he has been diagnosed with a grade three concussion, a severe concussion, while Mr. Quinn.......at the moment Mr. Quinn does not have the use of his extremities. We do not believe the paralysis is permanent, it appears to have been the result of a stinger he suffered when his head and neck hit the apron of the ring. Both he and Mr. Darling are being held for further observation, needless to say, their scheduled match this Sunday will not take place.

We will make further information available to the media as it becomes available to us. Thank you.

[DrMcAwesome]

*an INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA sees MAC FLASHER bedside with BRIDGET O’MALLEY in OOWF Medical as ZED and THE REVEREND BRICK~! pay a visit. MAC is a touch wary, but not defensive yet*

ZED: “How is she?”

MAC: “Still a ton of tests to run, but they’ve ruled out anything broken or severely damaged. Concussion possibility is still there, but as it stands, Alex and Moose got it a hell of a lot worse tonight.”

Z: “Is she going to be …”

MF: “By Sunday? No clue. The medical staff is going to consult Danny Taylor in the morning before we take off for Hawaii. I mean, just the 64 stitches alone would have me thinking about a week or two off, but you tell her that when she’s coherent and coming to …”

REV. BRICK~!: “And about Ms. Mignolio?”

MF: “She’s two doors down. Beverly’s been texting updates, but somehow … She didn’t get it as bad as Bridget. So, that’s twice that Bridget’s been attacked by these guys. Two times that I was just a step too slow. Two times that I failed …”

RB~!: “Proverbs 24:11 tells us ‘Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.’”

MF: “You just Googled that, didn’t you?”

RB~!: “Yes. But it doesn’t lessen the message. In this case, you are the rescuer, MacIntosh. Do not become the stumbler. Had Zed not been there to assist you in your hasty attempt at retribution, it would have been you joining that slaughter.”

*MF glances at ZED and then REV. BRICK~!*

MF: “Does The Bible say anything about not trusting a former best friend and wondering the whole time if all of this is just a set-up to fool me again?”

RB~!: “Let me check on …”

*ZED bats away REV. BRICK~!’s phone. REV. BRICK~! scrambles to the floor to retrieve it as ZED stares at MAC*

Z: “Listen. I see you and I still see a shallow, self-centered, selfish, one-upping, megalomaniacal, bipolar, fraudulent, insecure, lucky-as-hell, ill-prepared coward. But, since that night in Johnstown, I was those same things. The only difference was that I didn’t hide from those labels. I was those labels as plain as day every damn night. You … Well, you try to be this good-for-the-kids role model. Like you were created by a video-game developer to always triumph over those who wrong you; but you are not fooling anyone in this medical center. You certainly haven’t fooled anyone in the locker room since Day 1. And every time you go through that curtain, there are thousands of people in every city that we stop in who see it, too. But the difference is that they identify with you. They draw from you succeeding despite being the last possible person that you would expect to succeed. Nobody is perfect, Flasher. What drove me nuts about you was that you thought that you were and you acted like that made you more virtuous than anyone here. Well, guess what … Everyone in this company is flawed as fuck …”

RB~!: “Language!”

Z: “… As I was saying. The sooner that you admit that you’re a mess of a human, the sooner that you can let your true self out. You’ll never admit it, but the real Mac Flasher showed more of himself in August than in any other time. I’m not going to try to get you to join The God Complex. I’m not into conversions. I’m into seeking truths. I’m here to find answers. If you can’t admit that the answer is staring you right in the face, then I’m not the one to help you.”

MF: “That still says nothing about whether or not I can trust you.”

Z: “Well … Zed 1:8 says ‘I can’t tell you what you already know, but refuse to accept; nor shall I wait for the acceptance.’”

RB~!: “I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT ZED ISN’T A BOOK IN THE BIBLE.”

Z: “Good job, detective.”

RB~!: “It’s Reverend.”

Z: “Whatever. Let’s get out of here and check on Kylie. Flasher has some thinking to do anyway.”

*ZED and REV. BRICK~! depart as BRIDGET begins to speak*

BRIDGET: “He’s 100-percent right about you.”

MF: “What the hell do you mean …”

*MAC turns to BRIDGET to see that she hasn’t moved and likely didn’t say a thing*

MF: “Great, even the unconscious are ganging up on me.”

*MAC sighs and keeps vigil over BRIDGET as the scene fades*

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Fade to just outside the OOWF Arena in Makaklio (Cheap Pop) We see Onslaught Champion Sebastian Davis walking towards the wrestler's entrance. SFJ #44 rushes up to him, mic in hand. ~~~

SFJ #44: Sebastian, you made quite the statement last night.

Sebastian: I suppose it might look that way. to you. Things went exactly as I told you they would go. First off. I would like to congratulate Nick Fleming. He got to go to the 'pay winda' last night for the first time in weeks. He did by doing exactly what I told him to do, staying out of my way.

I pinned Alexander Darling. I can't wait for his excuse this time. "I was distracted." or "Moose was being mean to me" or "My servants brought me the wrong flavored sparkling water before the match." Whatever makes him feel better about himself. Last week's was "I hadn't been giving it my all" Which is, of course, complete crap.

So Alex, once you and Moose finish kissing each other's boo-boos and putting Dora the Explorer band aids on them, Once you and moose have finally put an end to this monotonous, boring rivalry, then I encourage you to come find me. I'll be easy to find. Just look for the guy holding this (he pats the title on his shoulder) high over my head in victory.

SFJ #44: So you're confident about defending the Onslaught Title against Mac Flasher at New Year's Evil?

Sebastian: Mac is distracted, worried about his little love triangle with Kylie and Bridget, and about his on again, off again relationship with his buddy Zed. Mac couldn't beat me on his best day, what do you think is going to happen Sunday when his mind will be anywhere but in that ring with me?

SFJ #44: Well, I...

Sebastian: It's rhetorical honey. What is going to happen is obvious. The referee will count to 3, the bell will sound, and Mike Elevenbee will announce to the world. "Your winner, and Still Onslaught Champion, Sebastian Davis." And that, little miss 44, is Guar. An. Teed.

[Leo]

As Davis exits, SFJ #44 turns to find "Silver Eagle" Jack Bullet and Mama Juana entering the arena.

SFJ 44: Jack Bullet, it has been announced that you will face Firewoman again at New Year's Evil, but this time it will be for your OOWF World Heavyweight Title in an Onslaught Rules Ironman Match. It will be 60 minutes with the Onslaught Rules regarding rope breaks and disqualifications resetting every 15 minutes.

JB: At the last big show I retained my title over Nick Fleming in an ironman match. A bout that many are calling a match of the year candidate. Everyone knows I'm the archduke of the triple threat, but viceroy of the ironman match might be next on my list.

SFJ 44: Recently you made comments that Firewoman really can't wrestle, hence her trying to bait you into a slugfest regardless of your moral code about not striking a woman.

JB: As I also pointed out recently, Fire and the Saints seem to take everything literally. What I was trying to say is I don't need to punch and kick to win a WRESTLING match, especially against a lady. I think Fire can win a match without striking, but maybe she forgot how. The Onslaught division has always been about pure wrestling. It's about getting in the ring and getting the job done with limited help from the rules. Fire wants to say 'hey, motherfucker, I know how to wrestle,' here's your chance to put up or shut up. If you get the win on Sunday by following Onslaught rules and WRESTLING a real match, I'll be the first to applaud you.

SJF 44: Speaking of Onslaught rules, Mama Juana, you will be in a four corners match with the winner receiving an Onslaught Title match.

MJ: I'm still finding my way around here in the OOWF, but everyone will learn than I'm more than someone who showed up one day and hitched her wagon to the world champion. All of my opponents on Sunday have been judged to be fools by the cards and I will pass sentencing on them. Whether they take a trip on the wheel of fortune, fall from the tower or get hung out to dry; Mama Juana will have her hand raised in victory and from there winning the Onslaught Title will be a mere formality.

The couple brush past SJF 44 and into the building as we FADE.

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene sees MAC FLASHER at an OOWF podium in Makaklio, Hawaii with various assembled members of the media scattered in the seats looking at the podium, just as MAC is about to greet the journalists in attendance, SEBASTIAN DAVIS loudly enters the room with his OOWF Onslaught title in tow. As MAC gestures for SEBASTIAN to join him at the podium, SEBASTIAN rebukes the invitation and sits front and center in front of the podium*

MAC: “I see that Sebastian learned punctuality from Chad Madison and not Zane Davis.”

*MAC pauses for laughter*

MF: “I guess we’re ready to begin. I’ll take your questions at this time.”

JOURNALIST 1: “Mac. A year ago, you were chasing Stank for the OOWF World Championship heading into this event. This year, you’re facing an up-and-comer in Sebastian Davis for the OOWF Onslaught Championship. Do you think this is a step down for you.”

MF: “Absolutely not. The Onslaught title is one that I’ve never carried, so getting a chance to face Sebastian Davis on Sunday to possibly add that to my résumé is something I’m looking forward to.”

JOURNALIST 2: “Mac. And what of Mr. Davis’ claims that recent happenings with Bridget O’Malley and Zed … And even Kylie Mignolio will have you distracted on Sunday?”

MF: “Well, Bridget still hasn’t been cleared, so her well-being is on my mind, but once that bell rings, I’m coming at Sebastian with everything that I’ll need to win.”

JOURNALIST 3: “Are you using what you know from your meeting with Sebastian on July 13, 2016; a bout that you won handily?”

MF: “Well, I wouldn’t say handily. Plus that was my second week with OOWF, I was hardly the wrestler that I am now. Sebastian got his shots in that night. I was better. But here’s the thing. Sebastian and I took very different paths to meeting on Sunday. Sebastian struggled in his short stints in OOWF before becoming an absolutely great champion in PHWF. He’s been all over the world and has a ton of impressive wins. In my case, I was a grinder in OOWF. I held the Intercontinental Championship twice. I’ve held the OOWF World Title twice. I even beat Shizuru last night. I’ve been to where Sebastian wants to be. But as we talk today in Makaklio, Hawaii … I’m still much closer to the top of the OOWF mountain than he is. On Sunday, I’ll prove that to …”

*SEBASTIAN leaps up and grabs the microphone from the podium to silence and interrupt MAC*

SEBASTIAN: “What are you going to prove to me? That a former world champion can’t hang with the future of OOWF? That you’re going to use me and this OOWF Onslaught Championship as a stepping-stone to make good on some promise that you made to some sick kids back in October? You’re going to prove nothing to me. What I’ll SHOW you on Sunday is that your best is not good enough. YOUR BEST will still result in your failure. You’re doing this whole press conference thing because you’re a puppet to the suits of this company. It’s all you’ll be, a guy who the kids like and who moves enough merch to stay on the payroll. You couldn’t even beat a man 20 years your senior to hold on to your world title. What do you think is going to happen when I put you through 15 minutes of hell on Sunday? You’ll go back to your girlfriend with your tail between your legs knowing that you settled for O’Malley who was the most convenient option and not …”

*MAC grabs the microphone from SEBASTIAN before shoving him back to his seat*

MF: “No. What I’m going to prove to you on Sunday is that your first run with a championship will end in a Flash Drive. You will know what it will be like to have a fully-focused Mac Flasher across the ring. You’re not getting Moosehead Jack or Alexander Darling, who had other things that they were building toward. You are getting Mac Fucking Flasher. You are getting THE. WORKING. CLASS. HERO of OOWF. So do what you have to do to get ready. Drink your Coronas. Put as many lime wedges as you want in those bottles. Listen to all the Buffet and Chesney that you want to. Find the highest SPF that you can legally buy. Because on Sunday, you’re getting scorched. I Guar. An. …”

*SEBASTIAN surges to his feet and decks MAC with a right cross while OOWF Security pull the two apart as the scene fades*

[Fire-Babe]

Fire wanders into Moose's hospital room, holding two cups of coffee

MHJ: Oh, thanks for stopping by, Mrs. Mann.

FW: Mrs. Mann is Lucas's mother. I'm not changing my name again. What's got you so cranky?

Fire sets the cup down on his table and rolls it over to him where he can reach it and then sits down in the chair. Moose looks at it, and then at her.

MHJ: Well, first of all, I can't MOVE, and I have the match that I have dreamed about for a DECADE a mere three days away....

FW: And second?

Fire sips her coffee, slightly grinning.

MHJ: Isn't that enough?

FW: It's just a stinger and it will be fine. Drink your coffee. I put an extra shot in it for you.

Moose attempts to move his arm but cannot, which makes Fire grin a bit more as she takes another sip.

FW: So when do we leave for Japan?

MHJ: WE do not. You will be going staying with the rest of the promotion.

FW: Wait....why?

MHJ: Because I don't need you there.

FW: You need a second...and who else can you trust more than me?

MHJ: I can trust you throw in the towel if you think I'm getting hurt, and that is not something I need or want.

FW: You truly overestimate how much I enjoy seeing you get your ass kicked. Is there too much coffee in your whiskey? You're not drinking it.

MHJ: Seriously?

FW: Look, Moose, you ARE my brother and I would be very concerned for your well-being, but because you are my brother I would let you do what it is you need to do--

MHJ: Even against him?

FW: Yes, Moose....I've moved on. I mean, I care about you both--

MHJ: If I could move, I'd puke.

FW: --but NOT like that, with him, anymore. That's why I married Lucas. So I would totally support whatever you did, and not stand in your way.

MHJ: Uh huh....Even if Alex has cut off both of my legs and arms and is getting ready to cut off my head too?

FW: Like that's going to happen....

MHJ:......okay, good point. I'll think about it, okay? Now can you maybe get me a straw---

FW: I think I'm going to go back. Lucas is icing his knee some more but....I dunno, Jackie...it's not looking good.

MHJ: I know you're concerned about that, but you need to be concerned about your match and it's stipulations.

FW: *takes another mocking sip* Stipulations?

MHJ: Well, first it's an onslaught match, since Jack wants an excuse for not using strikes.

FW: Pfft...how many times have I been Onslaught Champ?

MHJ: Well, he doesn't think you can go for the full 60 minutes.

FW: Sixty?

MHJ: Did Lucky not read the run sheet for you? It's on my nightstand.

Fire reaches out her hand, as if Moose is going to hand it to her. Which, he would, except...stinger...He forgets and tries to reach it, and then snarls and looks at her angrily.

MHJ: ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS?

FW: Still think I'd throw in the towel on you?

Moose doesn't answer as Fire gets up and gets it herself.

FW: Oh no... no no no...this will NOT do at all.

MHJ: What?

FW: I mean, that's what this WHOLE THING has been about! Jack and I are BOTH wrestlers, and BOTH deserving of the same respect between each other and from the higher ups. I'll fix this.

Fire grabs a pen and scribbles something on it, before taking off.

Scene change and she is at Danny's office, and has just explained her views on the matter accordingly, before then handing him the run sheet. Danny shrugs, and then posts it to the door. Fire thanks him, and walks off, and the INC focuses on the paper which now says:

OOWF New Year's Evil PPV (#895)
Live! From Makaklio, Hawaii
December 30, 2018

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Onslaught Rules Iron Man PERSON Match
Firewoman vs. Jack Bullet

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Nick Fleming vs. Zed

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
Kylie Mignolio & Bridget O'Malley vs. The Saints of Sinners

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Mac Flasher vs. Sebastian Davis

Winner Gets an Onslaught Championship Match Next Week
Shizuru vs. Alexis Darling vs. Mama Juana vs. Trent Powers

Beverly Cambridge vs. Justin Sane

[Leo]

SFJ 44 catches up with Jack Bullet in the hallway of random encounters.

SFJ 44: It was just announced minutes ago that Firewoman protested to Danny Taylor and received a name change to your iron man match on Sunday to an iron person match. Your thoughts?

JB: The match is still exactly the same no matter what Fireperson wishes to call it.

SFJ 44: Fireperson?

JB: If Fireperson wishes to have gender neutrality, I'm willing to give it to her...I'm sorry, I mean the individual who wishes to be known as Fireperson.

SFJ 44: She doesn't wish to be called Fireperson, you're calling her that.

JB: I'M TRYING HERE, GOD DAMN IT. Er...deity of your choice damn it.

SFJ 44: Aren't you being a little bit extreme with the political correctness.

JB: I don't like that term. It's a term many use as a negative. I like to say 'showing human decency.' If I disrespect Fireperson it's not anything to do with her gender, of which I do not recognize as gender is a construct of a patriarchy society. When it comes to what most call being politically correct, I'm willing to show human decency. When it comes to Fireperson as a manipulative, self-centered individual who wishes to be bowed down to simply because she...it...that's no good...the individual who wishes to be called Fireperson, exists, then I show disrespect. You do not get my respect because you demand it, but because you deserve it and you earn it. Human decency I give freely and that's all I'm willing to give Fireperson now. I look forward to our metallic person match on Sunday.

SJF 44: Metallic person?

JB: I'm trying to show neutrality to other metals. Sweet Jesus...er, sweet deity of your choice I'm really trying here.

An exasperated Jack Bullet shakes his head and turns away as we fade.

[snelson66]

FADE in on a press conference. A banner reading “Nick Fleming for OOWF Champion” hangs behind a podium. After a few seconds, Fleming comes out to the sound of camera clicks and hushed murmurs.

NF: “Good morning. I have a statement then I’ll take a few questions.”

Fleming adjusts his notes.

NF: “First, I’d like to address Sebastian Davis. Yes, we won on Wednesday night, but it wasn’t me staying out of the way and you doing all the work. I took out Moosehead Jack and you took out Alexander Darling. It was a team effort. I’m man enough to say you absolutely did your part in that victory and you did get the pin. But that pin doesn’t happen if Moose is moving enough to break it up. And that didn’t happen because of me.

“Second, Moosehead Jack has been saying all along that he’s not going to give up his spot at the top of the OOWF. He’s been saying it for a decade and he hasn’t been wrong. But that was before people like me and Sebastian Davis arrived. Jack, you’ve had a good run. Hall of Fame caliber. But your time is past. Do the right thing, accept that I ended your career and fade away gracefully. If you don’t put me into that ring post in Tasmania, I kick your ass in that Last Man Standing match. In Australia, you didn’t beat me again. Take your medicine, old man. Let Fire and Stank create little nieces and nephews you can rock on your knee and tell tales of how you were once good.

“Finally, Zed. It’s been nineteen months to the day since I held that title you have. I want it back. It’s too bad Jack Bullet was dodging me and I never got a real World Title match. He hid behind an Iron Man match. Now, it’s just you and me for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. One on one. So while you and Mac Flasher whine and cry over who gets to be Kylie and Bridget’s man toy, I’ll take that Championship off your hands so you’re not distracted by it.

“Questions?”

Reporter 1: “You’ve put two wrestlers in the hospital using the piledriver. Do you have any regrets?”

NF: “None. Everyone knows that I can bust that move out at any time and that could be the end of their career. I hope Zed realizes that. He’s more than welcome to just lay down in the ring and take the pin so he doesn’t end up like Moosehead Jack.”

Reporter 2: “There’s been talk of banning the piledriver as a move in the OOWF. How would that affect your strategy?”

NF: “First, there’s been no talk. You’re making that up. Second, I don’t need to use that move to win. I use that move to intimidate. And there are other things I can do for that.”

Reporter 2: “Such as?”

NF: “Such as things I’m not about to say in front of the press. Next question.”

Reporter 3: “Were you invited to Fire and Stank’s wedding and if so, why didn’t you go?”

NF: “I’m not here for weddings, for relationship discussions or any of that crap. I’m here to wrestle. It’s the one thing Sebastian Davis and I agree on, I believe. It’s about the only thing about him I like. He and I train, make our game plan and go out and execute. I don’t care if I have any friends here. I don’t care if I get a date with another talent. I’m here to climb between those ropes, wrestle and get a paycheck. Stand here in front of you guys occasionally. That’s it.”

“OK, that’s all for this week. Vote Nick Fleming for Wrestler of the Year! Wrestling Matters! God bless the OOWF and God Bless America!”

FADE

[Leo]

Firewoman walks into Danny Taylor's office. He hands her a scroll that rolls out and looks like Santa Claus' list.

FW: What the hell is this.

Vic Deniro: It's a list of gender neutral demands from Jack Bullet he is requesting out of human decency.

Firewoman scans the list.

FW: One, names usually denote gender. From here on out all OOWF talent should be referred to as their initials only. Two, OOWF action figures do not have genitals, good, but the female designated figures have breasts. These should be removed and all figures have flat chests, including the Stan Fulton figures which have bitch tits. Three, no longer use the term bitch tits when referring to Stan Fulton. They are pronounced mammaries...These are all ridiculous.

VD: We know that. But, you don't see the irony of someone with their gender in their name requesting a gender modifier being taken out of a match name.

Fire blinks a few times and doesn't say anything.

VD: Look, just put Bullet through a table on Sunday so we can all move past this.

FW: Just put him through a table. I'm more than some angry rage machine that puts people through tables.

A production assistant enters to give Taylor something. Fire picks him up by the shoulders and gives him a uranage through a table that appears out of nowhere.

FW: I am a serious wrestler and Jack Bullet is simply using this 'Firewoman can't wrestle' and 'this isn't punch and kick' to hide behind so he can cling to his outdated morals. This is typical Bullet, he goes to the other extreme to show you how silly you are. At New Year's Evil I will out punch, out kick and out WRESTLE JLB, or whatever he wishes to be called.

The production assistant stands, Fire puts him through another table and walks out as we fade.

[Leo]

SFJ 44 once again catches up with Jack Bullet in the Hall of Random Encounters.

SFJ 44: Jack Bullet, management has refused to comply with your list of gender neutral demands.

JB: Well, they shouldn't have. They were ridiculous.

SFJ 44: Then why did you ask for them.

JB: To prove a point. Firewoman doesn't want equal to, she wants more than. She wants to tell me how I should or should not wrestle a match, what style to use. How do you think she would react if I tried to do that to her. Her trying to force me to punch and kick her, is no different than say Stank trying to make me press slam him in a match. It's not a strategy I want to use. If I don't want to use my fists to punch someone or my feet to kick someone, that's my right. It's my body, my choice and Firewoman nor anyone else should be able to tell me how to use my body based on their personal beliefs.

SFJ 44: I can only guess what Firewoman's response to that will be.

JB: Same as anything else, if it's not in the best interest of Firewoman she'll just scream it down. Come Sunday, I'll wrestle our match my way, she can wrestle her way and we'll see who comes out on top.

[Fire-Babe]

At the pre-New Year's Evil promotional press conference, Firewoman is answering questions.

Rept1: How's the honeymoon?

Everyone laughs.

FW: Going as well as it can with the lack of time off. I'm sure we'll get a break soon, and NO it will not be on OOWF After Dark.

Everyone groans in fake disappointment.

Rept2: How is Stank's knee?

FW: I am making sure he is following doctor's orders, staying off it, icing it when necessary, doing exercises. It should be back to normal soon.

Rept3: Firewoman, Jack Bullet has had things to say about--

FW: Let's just cut to the chase. Jack Bullet had lots to say. I'm actually not sure how to respond...I mean, if I take him literally, then I'm misunderstanding the customary hyperbole of the promo trope. If I do not, then I'm not taking him seriously and not giving him the respect he deserves.

Rept4: Do you respect him?

FW: That's a silly question. Of COURSE I respect him. His ten-year run across the Midwest was the stuff of LEGENDS! It was sometimes hard to get a signal in Japan, but I watched 'em in Canada too. If I hadn't joined OOWF, there's a good chance that I'd have been knocking on the door of his gym in Des Moines.

The gathered gaggle looks around at each other, kind of amazed.

FW: Oh what, you think that because he and his wife had made all sorts of assumptions and negative comments about me, that I don't respect him? Look, I've been at this a while, and so has he. We know how the game is played, or at least I do. I respect everything he's done in his career before retirement and since coming out. I respect how much he cares for Kylie.

Does he respect me? As a person, obviously not, given his statements. As a wrestler? That's a hard one. I mean, his over-the-top social-justice-warrioring aside.... it is not the same thing to equate refusing to press-slam Stank, it does not, in any context, equate to refusing to use strikes against me, as the latter 'refusal to hit a woman' is rooted in a sexist, classist, outdated notion of chivalry, that the former is not.

And yes, despite all that, I do respect his allegiance to that outdated world view. It comes from being a basically decent human being, and that can be a rare thing in this business.

The reporters don't know what to say.

FW: Now, having said that... my respect for him in all these realms is not going to dissuade me from what I must do. See, I KNOW I can beat him in an onslaught match. Thirty minutes, sixty minutes, ninety...whatever. I know he can maybe beat me too. But I KNOW that I will do EVERYTHING it takes to reach my ultimate objective. Because I don't take anything off the table. All tactics and strategies are fair game in the grand scheme of things, if not in a particular match. His refusal to use everything in his arsenal? That's why he will fail and I will prevail.

Rept1: So you think he can't defend the Heavyweight title?

FW: I think he WON'T. Not to the level it needs to be defended. But....here's the thing....*batistalaugh*

Fire looks straight into the camera

FW:....Jack....I'm not just coming for your title. I mean, it's been a while since I've had gold around my waist, so that would be great, but....Well, they don't call this "New Year's Evil" for nothing.   I mean, I'll gladly take the title too, but my real objective...

I'm coming for your soul, Jack. And that will totally sparkle with me.

Firewoman walks off as the reporters scurry to file their stories.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Once again, Sebastian Davis stands alone in front of the OOWF Interview Banner, his Onslaught Championship slung over his shoulder.


Davis: Oh, sure, Now people are starting to talk about The Best. Fleming acknowledges I won our tag team match this past week. Flasher talks about learning things from a match 2 years ago.

Well, ya know, little Nicky, you deserve a reward. March over to "DynaMute" Danny Taylor's office and get yourself an Onslaught Title shot. I'll let you in my ring one more time and make you look as good as I possibly can before the inevitable occurs. And if by some chance you get your Intercontinental Title back tonight, I'll take that from you too. Imagine the headlines. Champion Versus Champion. Your name immortalized for eternity, as the man who made Sebastian Davis the Gnarliest Double Champ Ever!

And as for Mac. I hope you studied that tape from your victory on July 13th, 2016 real close. Did you memorize all my tendencies? I hope so. Because None of that is relevant today. I had weaknesses then. That's when I was on a PHWF contract. The only reason I was making OOWF shows was Ecosystem was in charge and was leveraging his power against Texpress, trying to piss them off by putting their student in situations I wasn't ready for. And I wasn't ready.

I'm ready now. I don't have the same tendencies, Hell, I don't have weaknesses. I'm no one's pawn. I'm the Onslaught Champion. And after tonight, the only thing you'll have left to do is decide if you're going to cry on Bridget's shoulder, or Kylie's.

Guar. An. Teed.

[Leo]

OOWF New Year's Evil PPV (#895)
Live! From Makaklio, Hawaii
December 30, 2018

Beverly Cambridge vs. Justin Sane

Two fan favorites to open the show. Beverly Cambridge has returned from parts unknown and is looking to shake off some ring rust and Justin Sane is...well, he's Justin Sane.

The two bump knuckles and we're off with a standard opening as each one tries to get their bearings, and see what each other has to offer. Collar-and-elbow tie-up, and a few arm-drags exchanges follow until they break into mutual fighting stances, to the cheers of the crowd. They nod at the crowd and each other, and then begin anew. Justin gets an early break, grabbing Beverly into a headlock and then running towards the ring-post for the High Risk Headlock~!

Beverly gets her foot up, and propels herself up the ring-post and over, taking Justin with her into...Is that some sort of suplex? Either way, they crash to the mat, but before Beverly can get the pin, Justin scrambles free. He turns to face her...right into a Chick Kick,and then Beverly hauls him into a back breaker. She rolls him up...one, two...three~!

Winner: Beverly Cambridge

Fatal Fourway for an Onslaught Title Match

Shizuru vs. Mama Juana vs. Trent Powers vs. Alexis Darling

The guys and gals pair off to start. Powers tries to whip Shizuru and Darling tries to whip Juana, but they meet in the middle of the ring, do-si-do and Fire hits a vertical splash on Powers, while Shizuru gets one on Darling. Alexis and Shizuru go to the floor. Juana dropkicks Powers out onto them. She then goes to the near corner and hits a big splash out onto all three to pop the crowd.

She rolls Darling into the ring for a pin, but Powers breaks it up. He hits the backsuplex neckbreaker and covers Juana, but Shizuru breaks it up. He hits a bridging hammerlock on Powers, but Darlings breaks it up with a shooting star press. She DDTs Shizuru and covers, but Juana breaks it up.

She hits the Falling Tower uranage on Darling and goes for the Judgement of the Full crucifix powerbomb, but Lexie makes her feet, reverses positions and gets the Bitch Killer kudo driver on Juana. She covers for one…two…thr…

Powers and Shizuru pull Darling off and gets a double suplex on her. They then argue who gets the pin. Juana school boys Powers and Darling school boys Shizuru. They both kick out. Shizuru goes for the Dreammaker on Alexis, but she ducks and he nails Powers. Juana shoves Shizuru from behind into Darling, who goes down. She gets the Judgement of the Fool on Shizuru, but Lexie recovers quickly, hits a second Bitch Killer on Juana and gets the win.

Winner and recipient of an Onslaught Title Shot – Alexis Darling

Intercontinental Title
Zed (c) vs. Nick Fleming

Fleming and Zed lockup to start with Fleming using his weight advantage to overpower Zed and control early with headlocks and armbars. Zed comes back by using his speed advantage and willingness to go up high. Zed gets a missile dropkick for two. Moment of Zed gets two.

Zed tries a suplex, but Fleming drops behind and gets a drop sleeper. The referee raises Zed’s hand one, twice, thre…he keeps it up and fans rally him to get up and break. Zed goes for a Thesz Press, but Fleming catches him for a bearhug. Fans keep cheering, Zed punches out. Zed goes behind for a rear waistlock, but Fleming reverses for a German suplex with bridge for two. Fleming follows with an airplane spin that he turns into a Death Valley Driver for two. Hammerlock slam gets two. Butterfly suplex gets two.

Fleming goes for a piledriver, but Zed reverses, Fleming reverses again, Zed reverses and they spill through the ropes to the floor. Fleming tries to whip Zed into the ring post, but Zed reverses and posts Fleming’s shoulder. Zed rolls into the ring willing to take the count out win. Fleming makes the apron at nine. Zed tries to suplex him over the ropes, but Fleming flips out to land on his feet and gets a neckbreaker. He pulls Zed up for a piledriver again, but Zed backdrops out. Fleming comes up to eat a super kick and Zed finishes with the GTH package DDT.

Winner and still OOWF Intercontinental Champion: Zed


OOWF Tag Team Titles
Saints of Sinners (Matt Folz and Stan Fulton) (c) vs. Kylie Mignolio and Bridget O’Malley

Matt Folz starts off with Bridget O’Malley. Folz tries his array of suplexes, but Bridget keeps escaping. Coming off the ropes, Matt looks for a backdrop, but Bridget skips over him and gets a sunset flip for two. Tags all around.

Kylie is a little ball of speed around the ring using kicks and clips to try to take Fulton’s knees out from under him. He finally catches Mignolio, tosses her in the corner and charges for an avalanche. Mignolio leaps to the outside apron and Fulton posts himself. She climbs to the top rope and leaps onto Fulton for a head scissors, but he controls and whips her into the corner. Kylie tags Bridget.

O’Malley uses her long legs to kick Fulton to the side of the head as he lumbers in. He goes down to one knee and Bridget follows with a step up enzuigiri. Fulton goes down and she locks in a knee bar, but Stan drags her to his corner for the tag. Folz hits a T-Bone suplex for two as Bridget is able to get a foot on the ropes. Folz pulls her foot off the ropes and hooks it for another two as she gets her shoulder up. Fisherman suplex for two as Folz can’t maintain the bridge. He whips Bridget into the ropes and tags Fulton, who catches her for a scoop slam.

Tag back to Folz who climbs the corner from the outside for a diving head butt. He eats O’Malley’s foot on the way down. She crawls for the tag, but Fulton runs in and knocks Kylie off the apron. The referee forces Fulton out of the ring and misses O’Malley surprising Folz for what would have been a three count. Folz rolls it over, only for two. He pulls up Bridget and she fights him off with a series of forearm smashes. Bridget dives for the tag, but Matt grabs her foot. She shakes him loose, gets a mule kick and dives for her corner.

O’Malley finally gets the hot tag. Kylie comes in a house of fire. Fulton comes in. Bridget and Kylie double drop kick Folz into Fulton, who falls through the ropes to the floor. Kylie and Bridget manages to get Folz up for a double team brainbuster. Bridget dives out onto Fulton to keep him out and Kylie finishes with the moonsault.

Winners and new OOWF Tag Team Champions, Kylie Mignolio and Bridget O’Malley

Onslaught Title Match
Sebastian Davis (C) vs. Mac Flasher

"Wet" by Andrew WK cranks up as the challenger Macintosh Flasher heads to the ring to a rousing ovation. Mac flips into the ring and mounts the corner to soak in the adulation of the fans.

Russ: The crowd is certainly behind Mac Flasher tonight.
Razz: We expected nothing less here in Makaklio. (Cheap pop)
Russ: Will you stop that
Kevin Nash: Can I get one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it?

The Score's "Glory" plays next, and the Onslaught Champion makes his way to the ring slowly, pausing half way down to sling the title belt over the other shoulder. He crawls in to the ring and poses, drawing the apathy of the crowd.

Russ: That young man has made quite a name for himself is short order here.
Razz: I like him. He’s got spunk. He’s not short on confidence, that’s for sure.
Russ: He’ll need more than confidence if he plans to retain that title tonight. Mac looks focused.
Nash: Speaking of focused, I'm focused on finding our waitress.

The bell sounds opponents wearily move to the middle of the ring and lock up. Sebastian immediately slips behind Mac and rolls him up for a one count. Mac kicks out and pops to his feet, but Davis grabs him and takes him to the mat with a side head lock. Mac quickly fights to his feet and shoves Davis to the ropes and drops to the mat, Davis steps over Mac and hits the far ropes, Mac tries a hip toss, but Davis blocks it and takes Mac to the mat with a backslide for a two count.

Mac gets to his feet again and Davis takes him down again with a drop toe hold and grabs a hammer lock. Flasher fights out of it and manages to get to one knee. As he stands, he grabs Davis’ head and flips over Sebastian’s back and lands a low drop kick to the back of Davis' knee that sends him to the mat.

Flasher grabs Davis’ leg and kicks his knee, then goes for a Sharpshooter, but Davis turns it into an inside cradle and gets another two count. Mac kicks out and gets to his feet, then backs into the corner. Davis gets up as well, and when he turns around, Mac charges out of the corner and nearly takes his head off with a clothesline. He hits the ropes as Davis gets to his feet and levels him with another clothesline.

The move pops the crowd and they start a “Let’s Go Flasher” Clap Clap Clapclapclap chant. Flasher pulls Sebastian to his feet and slams him between the eyes with a headbutt that rocks the Texan back on his heels. Mac sends Davis to the ropes and drops him with a back elbow to the jaw. Mac drops several knees on the back of Davis’ head, then rolls him over and covers, but Davis kicks out at two.

Mac gets to his feet and heads to the turnbuckles and waits for Davis to get to his feet. When he does, Mac leaps for a double axe handle, but Davis recovers and Bicycle Kicks him out of thin air! Mac’s head snaps back and he hits the mat hard. Davis collapses on top of him. One… Two… Mac gets his foot on the bottom rope to break the count.
Mac Flasher has used his first rope break

Davis pulls Mac to his feet and hooks him and hits a trio of Snap Suplexes, then heads to the top rope himself. As Mac fights to his feet Davis leaps and catches him right on the jaw with a Diving Knee Strike. Davis covers again, but once again Mac kicks out at two.

Razz: Sebastian can’t keep the challenger down.
Russ: I think he may have underestimated the heart of Mac Flasher!

Davis shows a little frustration and pulls Mac up, just to send him back to the mat with the High Tide! He then grabs Mac’s head and repeatedly pounds on the back of his neck. Davis looks out at the crowd, who is booing him mercilessly. We see Davis say something like “You like that?” and he proceeds to twist Flasher into the Undertow! The crowd boos the holy Hell out of him for this. Sebastian leans back and tries for the. He has Mac in the middle of the ring, no way Flasher can make it to the ropes.

Instead, Mac rolls through, and ends up putting Sebastian on his back for a two count! Davis releases the hold, and Mac gets up and traps Davis in a Texas Clover Leaf! Davis howls in pain and the crowd eggs him on. Mac sits low and pulls back as hard as he can trying to get Davis to tap. Sebastian fights the hold and finally, drags himself to the corner and grabs the bottom rope to force the break!

Sebastian Davis has used his first rope break

Davis rolls under the bottom rope to recover, but Mac grabs him from inside the ring and pulls him back onto the apron and suplexes him back inside the ring. Flasher follows up with the Duquesne Incline! Mac hooks the leg and we get One… Two… and Sebastian props his foot on the bottom rope.

Sebastian Davis has used his second rope break

Mac pounces, feeling the crowd’s momentum behind him. He plants Sebastian with the Falcon Arrow for another two count. Mac catches him with a Lung Blower as soon as Davis hits his feet. Davis flops to the floor and tries to shake the cobwebs loose, but Mac does not let up. He hits the far ropes and LAUNCHES himself over the ropes and crashes into Davis, sending the champion barreling into the barricade! Mac scrambles to his feet and slides under the ropes as the referee starts the 20 count.

Russ: Wow! Davis hit the barricade head first!
Razz: Flasher needs to take advantage of this situation and not stand there.
Russ: Remember Razz, In Onslaught Rules, he wins the title on a count out.
Razz: It is a 20 count though Russ, that’s a lot of time to wait.

As if on cue, Davis pulls himself to his feet and paces the floor as the referee’s count nears 16. He starts to climb in, then recoils as Mac hits the ropes and leans over to grab him. The distraction causes the official to break his count and order Mac to stand clear. Davis steps through the ropes slowly and Mac comes charging. Davis tries to backdrop him over the ropes, but Mac lands on the apron. Sebastian turs around into a face full of Enziguri! He flops to the mat and Flasher hits him with a Slingshot Leg Drop immediately! Cover! One… Two… ThrNo! Davis rolls the shoulder in the nick of time!

Russ: That was Three! I swore that was three!
Razz: So close, but not enough. Kind of like the 1991 Pirates!
Russ: Cold blooded man.

Mac pleads with the referee, but the fans a home get the side by side replay and sure enough, it was only two. Flasher regroups and sends him into the ropes, Davis reverses and tries a Hurricane Slam. Mac turns it into a Hurricanrana and gets another two count. Mac pops up, and Davis just pokes him in the eye to slow him down.

Sebastian Davis has used his first referee warning

Davis turns his back on the referee and catches Flasher springboard-ing at him with a kick. He turns it into a Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Mac sweeps his legs out from under him too and Davis’ head bounces off the canvas. Both men are o their backs, chest heaving, catching their collective breaths. Mac pulls himself to his feet first and after a stomp, pulls Sebastian in. Front Face lock. Suplex lift.

Russ: He’s looking for a Flash Drive!
Razz: That could be it!

Davis keeps kicking his legs, and Mac can’t maintain his balance. They collapse to the mat, still holding on to one another by the neck. They land on their combined feet. Mac tries for the lift again, Davis blocks. Mac tries a third time, and Sebastian punches him in the gut with his free hand. Davis gets the suplex lift this time. Mac can’t block it. Spring Break Plunge! One… Two… Three!

Your Winner (Pinfall; 13:38) And Still Onslaught Champion, Sebastian Davis!

Glory plays, and the referee hands Sebastian his title as Davis leans on the turnbuckle to keep his footing. Out of nowhere, Davis crumbles to the mat. Alexis Darling is standing there where Davis once stood, a look of joy on her face.

Russ: What the Hell! What is that jezebell doing?
Razz: Looking for some payback for her brother perhaps?
Russ: There's no call for this!

Alexis stomps on Davis a couple times hard in the head. She tries to grab his arms, perhaps to hit a Curb Stomp, but Sebastian rolls to the floor and stumbles around ringside. Lexi follows him out and starts to chase him down, but Davis has tumbled into the crowd by that point, and that draws out Backstage Security, who keep her at bay as he is escorted to the back.

Russ: Alexis Darling has made a statement here tonight!
Razz: Sebastian made one of his own with that win however.
Nash: I'd like to make a statement to the dancers over there. Coconut bras are overrated. Ladies, take them all off, right here, right now!

60 Minute Iron Person Match for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title
Jack Bullet (c) vs. Firewoman

Firewoman starts off with a flurry of striking that sends Bullet to the floor. Firewoman baseball slides out and continues to rush Bullet, rolling back into the ring at 19 to break the count. A woozy Bullet stumbles back into the ring to eat a DDT and Fire takes the first fall after the Best Firesault Ever.

She tries another quick firesault to capitalize, but Jack rolls out of the way. Jack ducks under a clothesline attempt and hits three rolling German suplexes. He bridges on the final one, but Fire slides out. Bullet follows with a knee breaker and works a leg grapevine on the mat. Fire reaches the ropes to break. Bullet refuses to let go and reaches the five count for the DQ. He lets go Fire comes limping off the ropes, Bullet captures the bad leg for a tear drop suplex. He follows with a Silver Bullet double arm DDT and gets a pin to make it 1-1.

Jack picks up Fire for a power bomb, but she ranas out and gets a two count. Fire stomps Jack on the mat, but he grabs the bad leg and rolls her into a single leg crab. Fire makes the ropes to break and Bullet again holds on until the five count. Jack goes after the leg again, but Fire scores an enzuigiri off the bad leg. She gets Last Chancery with knees to the head for good measure. Bullet submits to send Fire up 2-1.

Bullet bails to the floor. Fire chases. He gives her a drop toehold onto the ring stairs. Jack first looks shocked, but then kind of shrugs his shoulders and rolls Fire back into the ring. Action Drop sets up the Action Driver and we’re tied at 2-2 again. Razz mentions on commentary that for not wanting to strike a woman, Bullet is using a lot of impact moves.

Fire gets a second wind. She pummels Bullet into the corner and comes out with a bulldog and Firestomp. She goes for the Firesault again, but Jack gets up and catches her. He’s looking for a shoulder breaker, but Fire slides out behind and shoves him into the near corner. He pops out and Fire gets a backslide for two. As they come up, Fire gets a Crucifix Driver to pop the crowd and that leads to a Firesault for a pin and she’s up 3-2.

Even though she’s got the lead as the clock resets for the final 15 minutes, Fire continues to press aggressively. Bullet gets a Talon and pushes Fire back into the ropes, which gets a break. He does this twice more, meaning Fire has used up all her rope breaks for the quarter. Fire hits a legsweep and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but can’t turn Bullet over. He fights out.

Fire goes for a superkick, but Bullet grabs the leg, twists her to the mat and scores a figure four leglock. Fire has used up all her rope breaks for the quarter. The ropes do her no good, her legs are weak, she can’t turn it over. Fire refuses to submit and passes out. She lays flat on the mat leading to a three count. Bullet breaks the hold and goes to pick Fire up, he gets a flash small package, but Bullet rolls it over and a three count as time expires, winning four falls to three.

Winner and still OOWF World Heavyweight Champion “Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet