[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem: Brexit Bash (#912)
Live! From Cardiff, Wales
April 24, 2019

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Mac Flasher vs. Sebastian Davis

Saints of Sinners vs. Frenemies & Beverly Cambridge
Banned From Everywhere & Shizuru vs. The Darlings & Junior Winchester
Jack Bullet vs. John Law
Zed vs. Stacy Kirkland


Card subject to giants

[Chris Eco]

A clip from the movie US appears on screen (spoilers)

Once upon a time, there was a girl and the girl had a shadow. The two were connected, tethered together.

And the girl ate, her food was given to her warm and tasty. But when the shadow was hungry, he had to eat rabbit raw and bloody.

On Christmas, the girl received wonderful toys; soft and cushy. But the shadow's toys were so sharp and cold they sliced through her fingers when she tried to play with them.

The girl met a handsome prince and fell in love. But the shadow at that same time had Abraham, it didn't matter if she loved him or not. He was tethered to the girl's prince after all.

Then the girl had her first child, a beautiful baby girl. But the shadow, she gave birth to a little monster. Umbrae was born laughing.

The girl had a second child, a boy this time. They had to cut her open and take him from her belly. The shadow had to do it all herself. She named him Pluto, he was born to love fire.

So you see, the shadow hated the girl so much for so long until one day . . .


. . . the shadow realized she was being tested by God.

We cut to after the movie. Two teenagers, a boy and a girl, are leaving the theater laughing, while an older man lags behind. Eventually, the girl notices. 

Girl: Louis, help him.

Boy: Shit, did he get older during the movie?

Girl: Will you shut the fuck up and help your grandpa?

Boy: (doubling back) Yo, grandpa, you need a hand?

Grandpa: It's real, you know.

Girl: What's real?

Boy: His arthritis, I guess.

Grandpa: The movie. It's real. The tethered. The tunnels. I was there. I was there when we made them.

Boy: Fuck outta here with that bullshit.

Girl: LOUIS!

Boy: Grandpa. I don't care what office you held in the CIA, you did not make millions of underground clones designed to enslave humans.

Grandpa: Well, not millions. Maybe like . . . ten. But otherwise, it's all true.

Boy: All of it.

Grandpa: Yes.

Boy: You made ten underground magic clones to control humans on the surface, but then the original humans ended up controlling them, so you left them underground with live rabbits to eat and let them turn into inhuman monsters with broken vocal chords.

Grandpa: Yes. Kind of.

The boy and girl look at each other.

Boy: I'm done.

Girl: Mr. Jackson, what do you mean, "kind of?"

Grandpa: The humans didn't control them either. There was just kind of . . . no relationship. Just similar looking people.

Boy: But still monsters.

Grandpa: No. No, they were just . . . kind of dumb.

Girl: Did they have the weird voice?

Grandpa: No, they just spoke Spanish.

Boy: Why would they speak Spanish?

Grandpa: Well, when the experiment failed, we didn't have much money to pay new staff . . . so we just went to some of the Mexican day laborers who did construction in the area, and were like, hey, can you teach our weird magic clones English, and they were like, no hablo ingles, but we didn't really give a shit, so we were like, hola, can you  enseñar-ing some español para some clones? And apparently they use the same word for clones, so they were like, Sí.

Girl: . . . You found construction workers hanging out by your secret government underground tunnels?

Grandpa: Oh yeah, none of this was underground. And we didn't feed them rabbits either. One of the guys had a brother who ran a burrito truck, so he cut us a discount.

Boy: Okay, so, the CIA tried to do mass mind control just like in the movie we just watched, but instead it produced some dumb people that looked kind of like other people but spoke a different language.

Grandpa: Exactly.

Boy: So, it failed.

Grandpa: Not exactly. Those clones could be useful in very specific instances.

Girl: Like what?

Grandpa: So, for example, let's say you needed a filler comedy tag team on a professional wrestling show back in 2007. You call two clones, and boom, you have new champions.

Boy: . . .



Girl: . . .

Grandpa: And then eleven years later, if one of the original humans became paralyzed while he was wrestling, then you could just slot the clone right in.

Boy: . . .

Girl: . . . 

Grandpa: It happens all the time!

The camera pans back from the three of them to a masked man rustling through the trash can outside their theater . . . 






































El Ecosistema: ¡Voltaje! ¿Por qué pusiste mis palomitas en la basura? ¡Todavía estaba comiendooooooooo!

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Fade into OOWF Catering. We find Sebastian Davis sitting at a table having a sandwich, Onslaught Title beside him, when SFJ #44 approaches him and sits down. ~~~

Davis: Again? I'm eating here.

SFJ #44: I'm sorry. You're defending then Onslaught Title this week against Mac Flasher.

Davis: I know. I'm sitting here trembling at the thought of wrestling Mac again.

SFJ #44: Really? You look pretty calm.

Davis: Of course not you nitwit. (turning to the INC & grabbing the title from the table beside him) Today is day one hundred thirty-nine. Wednesday will be day one hundred forty-three. After I beat Mac - Again - I will become the longest reigning Onslaught Champion of all time.

SFJ #44: That would be impressive for sure, but aren't you taking things for granted?

Davis: (sighing) You don't pay attention, do you? I have beaten Mac Flasher what, five, six times now in the past few months? What has changed? Has Mac learned a new hold? Has he gained 30 pounds of muscle? Has he obtained 20 more IQ points? No. He's still the same basic wrestler he's always been. And now that the Penguins are out of the playoffs, I'm sure he's despondent and depressed and at home listening to Snow Patrol songs.

SFJ #44: Mac has quite the reputation as a fighter.

Davis: I am the most dominant Onslaught Champion of all time. I have talked the talk and walked the walk time after time. I am not only going to Beat Mac Flasher this Wednesday, but I am going to Embarrass him in front of the world Live! on OOWF-TV (Free! for only $6.66 per month).

~~~ We see Jamie Folz leave the smoothie stand with 2 large beverages in her hands. ~~~

Davis: Speaking of being embarrassed in front of the world. Excuse me a moment.

~~~ Davis stand up and starts walking towards Jamie, who does not seem to see him. He stops beside a trash bin in her path and trips her, sending her tumbling to the floor, spilling smoothie all over herself. ~~~

Davis: I'm So Sorry. Let me help you with those.

~~~ Davis reaches down and grabs the smoothie cups, and proceeds to pour the remaining mixtures over Jamie's head as she was trying to stand. She sinks to her knees, head in her hands. Davis grabs a napkin from a nearby dispenser and tosses it at her. He leans down and speaks.

Davis: Oh my gosh. how Embarrassing. You can tell that piece of shit you married that the next time he decides to embarrass me on television, I end his fucking career.

~~~ Davis heads out the door as catering employees and SFJ #44 rush to help Mrs. Folz to her feet. ~~~

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Fade into an apparently empty locker room. Five, six, seven seconds of nothing tick by, then Sebastian Davis walks into frame. He drops his bag and spots the INC. ~~~

Davis: You know, I figured I'd have gotten a receipt from little Mattie Folz by now. I even brought extra Band-Aids and paid up my insurance premiums this week just in case. But nothing. I guess he's even bigger a bitch than I thought.

~~~ Davis reaches back into the bag, pulls out the Onslaught Title, and holds it out in front of the INC. ~~~

One Hundred forty-one days. That means Mac Flasher has 2 more days of oxygen left before I end him. Take cover Cardiff, Wales, (cheap pop) there's a Hurricane heading your way!

~~~ Davis knocks the INC to the floor and we fade ~~~

[DrMcAwesome]

*MAC FLASHER is seen standing on the pitch at Cardiff City Stadium, home of Cardiff City FC, he spots an INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA as he takes in the scenery at the soccer … err … football ground*

MAC: “‘Deffro mae'n ddydd.’ translated from Welsh: ‘Awake, it is day.’ It’s the motto of Cardiff City FC. It was the rally cry of my ancestors, all fans of the Bluebirds, who emigrated to America. It’s even on our Americanized family crest. About five generations ago, a few members of the Flasher clan left Cardiff with eyes on Pittsburgh and its bustling steel industry. Guess you could say that the Flashers have always been working-class heroes. While that sect of the family left Cardiff and Wales, Cardiff never left the Flasher family.”

*approximately two dozen shadowy figures – ranging in age from elderly to toddler – are spotted behind MAC, all keeping their distance, but standing united*

MF: “When I saw that MidWeek Mayhem was coming to Cardiff, it was a great day. It was long before OOWF informed its wrestlers that Cardiff was a destination … I had some inside info. You see … Family that I had only spoken to on the phone or through FaceTime waited for days until tickets were on sale, based on a rumor that OOWF was coming to Cardiff. Finally, they could see their blood in person. In their hometown.”

*the FLASHER family steps from shadows and stands behind MAC*

MF: “But Sebastian Davis, you don’t have to worry about great uncle Alan over here with his walker. Nor will you have to sweat my aunt, Annie, who was a champion distance runner in Wales. And little Corby is just learning to walk, so you’ll be safe from his rage. But, you do have to worry about me. You do have to worry about someone who is ready to show his family and his adopted hometown what Mac Flasher can do in between those ropes. You will have to worry about your reign as OOWF Onslaught Champion ending in a Flash Drive.”

*MAC kneels down and picks up a piece of loose grass from the pitch, before tossing it into a windless air, watching it fall harmlessly back to the pitch*

MF: “Forecasts of a hurricane are greatly exaggerated.”

*MAC turns and embraces his assembled family as the scene ends*

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see Sebastian Davis leaving the Spin Hanson Memorial Training Center. He turns the corner and runs right into a hard Singapore Cane shot from Matt Folz. The shot seems to have reopened up the cut Matt gave him on Wednesday, as the Onslaught Champion is starting to bleed profusely.

Matt: I'm the World fucking Champion, I work on MY timetable not yours.

Matt picks up Sebastian and nails him with an Angle Slam.

Matt: I honestly was done with you. I have real contenders to worry about: Jack Bullet looks like he's almost back to where he was before he vacated this Championship and Beverly legitimately made me tap last week. You were an afterthought. But then- to quote a movie that you and I both love- You forgot the cardinal fucking rule: Always leave yourself outs. See if you'd called me out in a promo I probably would have laughed it off. Even if you'd attacked me, I would have been pissed sure, but I would have probably let it go. As I said, I have real contenders coming after me now, I don't want to waste anymore time with you. But you had to do the dumbest thing possible and the one thing I could NOT let pass. You were fucking stupid enough to go after my wife. I didn't take that from Carter, I didn't take that from the late Chloe Neal, I didn't even take that from Fire. So for that.... yeah, probably a good thing that you paid that insurance premium.

Matt picks Sebastian up by the shirt collar and then propels him face first into the wall. Sebastian is completely unconscious as Matt walks away and we.....FADE.

[Leo]

Sexy Female Journalist 3.14 stands in front of an OOWF banner.

Pi: Welcome my guest at this time, "Silver Eagle" Jack Bullet.

Carl from Fresno walks up onto the stage instead holding a piece of paper.

CF: Sorry, Jack had an AA meeting, so he sent me instead. He wrote this for me to read.

Carl clears his throat and puts on a pair of reading glasses.

CF: John Law is a worthless pomegranate.

Pi: He's what?

CF: I can't read Jack's handwriting. What do you think that says?

Carl holds the paper out to Pi to see.

Pi: Pompous ass, maybe?

CF: Okay, cool, John Law is a worthless, pompous ass who doesn't deserve to sniff my...that's not what I think it says, right?

Pi: It's probably jock.

CF: Okay, that was close actually. John Law is a worthless, pompous ass who doesn't deserve to sniff my jock. This Wednesday on Mayhem I'm going to put him through a tamale and paint his ass green.

Carl looks confused and leans over toward Pi to see the paper.

CF: Put him through a table and beat his ass good.

CF: Oh, okay, I'm just going to skip to the end. He said to hold this picture up to the camera.

Carl holds up a cheesecake shot of Jack Bullet wearing a cowboy hat and jeans. His muscles are nicely oiled. On the picture are the words "Feeling cute, might hit John Law with a chair later. IDK."

CF: And in closing, John Law, Shaq-Fu.

Pi: I'm going to guess that's not what he said.

CF: He does love that game though. We play it all the time.

Pi: And that's probably the most disturbing thing about Jack Bullet we've ever learned.

FADE

[Leo]

Sexy Female Journalist 3.14 now welcomes Stacy Kirkland to the stage with an OOWF Banner behind them.

Pi: Stacy Kirkland, on Wednesday you face Zed in a non-title match. A victory would certainly put you in line for a shot at the Intercontinental Title and put you closer to joining the Saints of Sinners.

SK: First off, I don't need the Saints, the Saints need me. I was good enough to their dirty work when they wanted me and soon they will be begging me to back them up. Second, what do I need with the Intercontinental Title when I've defended the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Championship an unprecedented 999 times. Ladders, tables, mustard bottles, paper clips, autographed photos of Paul Smackage. I've taken on all comers and beat all comers. I'm the baddest bitch and sexiest bitch ever in OOWF. I shouldn't be going to Zed for a title shot, he should be coming to me. And in closing...Firewoman.

Pi: What about her?

SK: Nothing, just when she asks in chat if she's in the promo, I can say yes.

Kayfabe then comes in to scold Kirkland, who catches her underneath the shoulder and drives her into the ground with a Rock Bottom. She stands on Kay's chest as Junior Hale slides in and makes the count of one...two...three.

SK: Make that 1,000 title defenses. When you can say that Zed, maybe I'll return your phone calls. Until then, maybe you can dream of being as good as I am.

Kirkland steps over Kayfabe and walks off as we FADE.

[DrMcAwesome]

*JOHN LAW is spotted walking through the Hallway of Random Encounters when he randomly encounters CARL FROM FRESNO. CARL tries to find a new direction to walk as JOHN gets closely acquainted with the ally of “SILVER EAGLE” JACK BULLET*

JOHN: “Carl. I understand that your boy Jack has a message for me.”

CARL: “Look Mr. Lawman … I’m just the messenger. I just read what Jack wrote.”

*JOHN puts a hand on CARL’s very tense shoulder*

JL: “Easy. Easy. I’m not here to cause much trouble. But you can help me send a message to Jack Bullet. Just give me a minute to write it out.”

*JOHN takes out his notepad and a pen to start scribing a note to JACK as CARL looks incredibly uneasy about the whole situation, not taking his eyes off JOHN the entire time. JOHN finishes and hands the note to CARL*

JL: “Now, I saw that you had some issues reading Jack’s note. It’s very important that you get it right on the first try. So, if you could read this to me …”

CFF: “It says …” *CARL squints at the all-caps note* “Bullet. This will be y-“

*JOHN brains CARL with his nightstick and whips him into both walls before grabbing a stumbling CARL and locking him in Miranda Rights. CARL tries valiantly to free himself, but succumbs to the choke in a few seconds. JOHN keeps the hold applied until OOWF officials appear to break up the scrum. JOHN stands up and stuffs the note in CARL’s mouth before looking at the INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA*

JL: “Bullet. Come at me with a chair. Come at me with a bullrope. Try to take this nightstick again. I really don’t care. Just know that I’m coming for your ass on Wednesday and I will not stop until you understand that there is no justice … Just pain.”

*JOHN stomps at CARL, who is just starting to come to before officials back him off as the scene fades*

[Chris Eco]

El Ecosistema wanders out in front of the OOWF Banner where SFJ #3.14 is still waiting for guests as she types on her BlackBerry.

EE: ¿Dónde está el baño?

Pi: I'm sorry, are you new here?

EE: ¿Nuevo? ¡No! ¡Soy El Ecosistema! ¡Un gran tag champion!

Pi: Oh! Ecosystem!

EE: No, El Ecosistema.

Pi: Oh wow, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. Now that I'm looking at you, it's very obvious.

EE: ¡No, no soy Ecosystem! ¡Soy Ecosistema! ¡Un legend de lucha!

Pi: So you're doing like, a Mr. America thing now? "Oh, who could that be with the handlebar mustache and the orange skin? Oh, who could that six-foot Japanese man who can't even speak a full Spanish sentence be?" That's cool, it's a throwback.

EE: ¡Ay caramba¡ Necesito decir una, uh, promo aquí, ¿puede usted help me out?

Pi: Sure, boss.

El Ecosistema shakes his head but takes the microphone.

EE: ¡Clan de Quinn! ¡Ustedes tienen una cosa que belongs to yo! Tengo mucho respeto for ustedes. Es por que eso, I am using the ustedes form, en lugar de palabras como "you motherfuckers" o "dumb y dumber." I am the mejor campeón de equipo de todos los tiempos, y si tengo buscar for un 10-year-old child as a tag team partner, I am still going to se patearé los culos!

¿Comprendo?

Pi: Most of it.

EE: Bueno. Ahora, ¿dónde está el pooper?

Pi points down the hall and El Ecosistema leaves.

[DrMcAwesome]

*THE FRENEMIES – BRIDGET O’MALLEY and KYLIE MIGNOLIO – are seen near the OOWF Interview Banner as EL ECOSISTEMA rushes past, only to stop and stare at both of them*

BRIDGET (to KYLIE): “Is that …”

KYLIE: “I mean he does look like …”

EL ECOSISTEMA: “Señoras. ¿Baño?”

BO’M: “It’s down the hall and …”

EE: “No hablo tu idioma ruffian.”

KM: “Al final del pasillo ya la izquierda.”

BO’M: “You know Spanish?”

*EL ECOSISTEMA without so much as a thank-you, or gracias, dashes away as THE FRENEMIES chatter away. A comedically loud flush breaks up the conversation as EL ECOSISTEMA returns*

EE: “¡Gracias!”

KM: “¿Entonces no eres Ecosystem?”

EE: “¿Nuevo? ¡No! ¡Soy El Ecosistema! ¡Un gran tag champion!”

BO’M: “I think you’re Eco. Kylie. Prepare to lose this bet …”

*BRIDGET sits EL ECOSISTEMA on a nearby chair, wraps a leg around him and moves in to kiss him before he shoves her to the ground and stands up*

EE: “¡Nunca cederé ante uno a tus modales skanky!”

*EL ECOSISTEMA rushes off as BRIDGET stands up and grins at KYLIE* 

BO’M: “That’s Eco. Pay up.”

*KYLIE pulls out a $20 bill as the scene fades*

[Jack Quinn]

***OOC***

Couple of things.

1. I can't chat on facebook messenger until Sunday because of ANOTHER facebook ban. Evidently calling a racist asshole, who is being a racist asshole, a racist asshole is a bannable offense (on a side note, go fuck yourself facebook)

2. It appears I forgot to send out matches this week, so I will write the card for tomorrow unless anyone wants to take a match and write on short notice. If you don't, it's ok, it was my fault for forgetting.

3. It also appears there is a ppv this weekend that I ALSO forgot about, so, I will write that as well, but it will also be short matches. Hopefully I can stop letting facebook get the best of me and we will be back on a normal schedule by next week.

[Road Warrior Shark]

*** OOC ***

If I get off of work on time tomorrow, I should be able to catch one for Mayhem. And depending on what happens this weekend, I might be able to grab one Sunday morning too. I'll let you know ASAP.

*** IC ***

~~~ We see Sebastian Davis sitting on a gurney in OOWF Medical, holding a bloody rag to his lip. He spies the INC and smirks ~~~

Davis: (batistalaughing softly) You don't get to decide when I'm done with you Matt. I will Tell you when I'm done. I'll be done when I have that World Title on my shoulder and you are in traction... permanently.

~~~ He reaches behind him and lifts the Onslaught Title to the INC ~~~

One hundred forty-two days. Tomorrow, I break Mac Flasher and then I break the Onslaught Title record. The Hurricane is about to make landfall. Take Cover.

[Jack Quinn]

***OOC***

So, I've made an executive decision and decided to drop the April ppv for this Sunday. Since I had completely forgotten about it and had nothing really planned for it, I think it is ok to let it go. So, we will just have Mayhem tonight, then another next wednesday, the 1st.

[Jack Quinn]

<GM the Vic is sitting at his desk reading a newspaper when Moose, Fire and Lucky walk in>

LG: You wanted to see us?

GMtV: <dropping the newspaper on the desk> Have you seen this?

<the camera pans in a bit so we can see the headlines>

DUE TO NUMEROUS BOMB THREATS AND PROMISES OF VIOLENCE, THE OOWF CANCELS IT'S LONDON PAY PER VIEW!

LG: I had heard rumors of that

GMtV: Let me read you the most interesting part:

After inciting a riot, barely escaping with their lives, and receiving a lifetime ban from Northern Ireland, Jack Quinn (Moosehead Jack) and Lisa Quinn-Mann (Firewoman), better known as Clan Quinn, are the subject of the death threats and promises of violence. Officials initially believed the threats were part of the show, but OOWF officials assured them that this was not the case. Fearing for the public safety, officials at the London Arena have decided to cancel the show, with no make up day announced. This is the first time and OOWF show has been officially cancelled, in the past, there have been delays due to a menacing puppet, but never a full cancellation.

MHJ: I remember that puppet! Whatever happened to it?

FW: I think Bray Wyatt has it now

GMtV: DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

FW: Well, I mean.......

GMtV: Lucky, once again, your clients are hurting the overall product, give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire them

<Lucky reaches into his folder and pulls out a sheet of paper and drops it on the desk>

GMtV: What is this?

LG: This is the breakdown of merchandise sales, Clan Quinn, Moosehead Jack and Firewoman are all top ten sellers

<Lucky reaches into his folder and pulls out another sheet of paper>

GMtV: And this?

LG: This is the quarterly breakdowns of MidWeek Mayhem when broadcast on OOWFtv (only $6.66 per month!) look at the ratings for the main event in Northern Ireland

GMtV: Holy shit

LG: Holy shit indeed. You may not like my clients actions, but you cannot argue with those numbers. the fans tuned in to see if Moose and Fire would be murdered by the crowd. Subscriptions to the network went up by over 100,000 after news broke of the show last Wednesday night. People wanted to see it. So, while you understandably hate my clients, the fact remains that they, along with Matt Folz and anyone else they have in the Saints of Sinners, makes this company A LOT of money. Firing them would not only violate their contracts, it would be financially disastrous, and costing the company that kind of money? I would think that is something the Board of Directors would frown on, and Eco would abhor. Now, is there anything else?

<GM the Vic remains silent>

LG: Didn't think so. Let's go

MHJ: We really should do this more often Vic

GMtV: GET OUT!

<fade>

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Apr 24, 2019 14:39:44 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

***OOC***

So, I've made an executive decision and decided to drop the April ppv for this Sunday. Since I had completely forgotten about it and had nothing really planned for it, I think it is ok to let it go. So, we will just have Mayhem tonight, then another next wednesday, the 1st.

***OOC***

I’ve made the decision to drop you.

[Jack Quinn]

***OOC***

DROP ME? I'M ALREADY DROPPED! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Road Warrior Shark]

*** OOC ***

Wait, a Moose/Solly feud? Welcome to 2008!

[The Canadian Content]

Apr 24, 2019 17:29:09 GMT -5 Road Warrior Shark said:

*** OOC ***

Wait, a Moose/Solly feud? Welcome to 2008!

And tanks for nothing!

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem: Brexit Bash (#912)
Live! From Cardiff, Wales
April 24, 2019

LOS DEFENSETRATORS (Ecosistema y Voltaje) vs. THE ICEMENT COMETH (Ben Ice & Johnny Icepick) w/Perry “Icebox” Williams

We're going deep into the OOWF vault for our opening match, with the former tag team champions Los Defenestrators - not seen for decades - against former curtain-jerkers of the same era. Ben Ice and El Voltaje lock up to start, and Ben Ice manages to wrestle El Voltaje down into a chinlock, because nothing says EXCITEMENT like opening minute rest holds. Johnny Icepick is helpfully yelling Mr. Freeze taunts from the infamous Batman & Robin movie:

Icepick: You're not sending Ben Ice back to the cooler!

Voltaje fights his way up and manages to throw Ben off, and starts tossing him around with armdrags; Ben blocks one and begins to strike, but Voltaje gets the better of a strike exchange, dropping Ben with a spin kick. Voltaje goes for a Lionsault, but Perry Icebox grabs the ropes and trips him up! Ecosistema sees it and comes off the apron with a DOUBLE AXEHANDLE to Perry! Talk about low-flying action! Ecosistema hops back up to the apron and takes a tag from Voltaje as Ben Ice tags Johnny Icepick in; Ecosistema knocks Icepick down a couple times, but Icepick goes low on a charge and back body drops Ecosistema! Icepick winds up for the Icepick Throat Spike . . . Ecosistema ducks it, OLYMPIC SLAM to Johnny Icepick! Icepick is down, Ecosistema pulls him up - and hits the ENDGAME! Ecosystem's old finisher!

Razz: He calls that move the "Total Coincidence!"
Russ: I'm sure he does

Ecosistema into the cover of the Total Coincidence: 1-2-3!
WINNERS in 5:22 . . . Los Defenestrators!

BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE & SHIZURU vs. THE DARLINGS & JUNIOR WINCHESTER

The Darlings don’t appear to be particularly thrilled to be teaming with Junior Winchester and their disdain shows throughout the match. They force him to start, then tag out quickly when he tags them in forcing him into most of the work. Winchester holds his own though and fights off Justin, Bill and Shizuru for quite a while.

The tide turns when Betty Sue tries to low bridge Shizuru on a whip, but Shizuru reverses it and Junior sails over the top rope. Shizuru dives over the top rope and lands on Winchester on the floor, then rolls him back in and tags in Bill, Bill climbs to the top rope and hits the FREEBIRD and covers, but Alexis breaks up the pin at two. Bill tags Justin in and Justin grabs Winchester and calls for the DOOOOOUUUUUUUGGGGHAWK but before the lights go out, Alex slips into the ring and grabs Justin from behind and hits a DARLING DRIVER! The Darlings attack Shizuru and Bill, Winchester pulls Justin up and hits the SHIT KICKER, he covers and gets the three!
WINNERS in 10:04 – The Darlings & Junior Winchester

JOHN LAW vs. JACK BULLET

The two are brawling as they come out from the back during announcements. Bullet ducks a wild swing by Law and knees him in the gut, then grabs a side headlock and goes all Nolan Ryan on him, hammering him with punches to the face. Bullet marches Law to the ring and rolls him under the bottom rope, then springs over the top rope and drops a leg across his chest. Bullet covers but Law kicks out.

The two brawl around the ring for a bit, Law grabs his night stick and slams it right across Bullet’s face, sending blood pouring out of his nose. Law scoops Bullet up and slams him back first into the ring post, then drops him on the Chilean announce table and climbs to the top rope. Law leaps, trying for a splash, but Bullet moves out of the way and Law crashes and burns! Bullet pulls Law out of the wreckage and rolls him into the ring. Bullet follows and hits a stunned Law with the SILVER BULLET, covers, and gets the three count!
WINNER in 20:44 – Jack Bullet

Russ: I do believe that is John Law’s first pin fall loss here in the OOWF!
Razz: I would say that is another step toward Bullet getting his world title back from Matt Folz
Russ: I think you may be right Razz……what the hell?!?

We see what Russ is talking about, while Bullet celebrates with the fans on the middle turnbuckle, Law grabs him and slams him off the top. Law produces some zip ties and secures Bullet’s hands behind his back. He grabs his club and beats Bullet until he is unconscious on the mat. Law grabs the mic

Boy! This ends next week! I want you in a Death Match. The only way to win is to beat your opponent so bad that he cannot answer the ten count. I am not asking you, I am not asking Vic, I am DEMANDING it, and if you have the balls you claim you have, you will be there next week to get the beating of your miserable life.

STACY KIRKLAND vs. ZED

The bell sounds and we get a lock up. Zed backs Stacy into the corner, He breaks, but slaps her as he backs away. Stacy lunges, and Zed uses her momentum to send her across the ring, following her in with a clothesline. He drives his knees into her in the corner, then snaps her over with a Gut-Wrench suplex. He sits Stacy up and tries to lock in an Anaconda Vice. Stacy works her way to her feet and shoots Zed into the ropes. She ducks a clothesline, and he spins around and tries a Step-Up Enziguri, but she catches the leg and leg whips him to the mat. Kirkland drives an elbow into the back of his head before pulling him back up, only to drop him with an inverted DDT. She covers, but Zed kicks out at one.

Stacy whips Zed into the corner and then Monkey-Flips him out. Zed gets up woozy and Stacy catches him with a slap that doesn't help. She hits the ropes and comes out with a kick to the gut that doubles him over. She gets up quickly and hits a Butterfly Suplex and floats right into an armbar. Zed thrashes about for a few seconds before catching his bearings. He maneuvers around until he can slowly get to his feet, dragging Stacy with him. He tries to counter, but Stacy does still have hold of the arm, and, using his momentum against him, swings him around to the ground, and grabs his other arm. A Curb Stomp later, and Zed's head bounces off the canvas. Stacy covers for 2, and Zed kicks out.

Stacy is up first and pulls Zed to his feet. She winds his arm, but he pokes her in the eye to break free. She stumbles back a step and Zed flips her to the mat. He hits a German Suplex then pulls her up and shoves her into the corner. He charges in, but Stacy dodges. She steps behind him and grabs him around the waist, but an elbow to the throat gets him free. He kicks Stacy's legs out and hot shots on the top rope. Zed floats over the ropes to the apron, then plants a knee in the back of Stacy's neck and chokes her on the ropes for a four count. Zed finally drops to the floor and drags Stacy out after him.

Zed sends Stacy into the ring steps and charges after her. Stacy moves, and Zed collides with the steps. Stacy picks Zed up and drops him spine-first on the apron. She kicks him square in the face and flips off the referee. Stacy grabs a chair and wails on Zed. With it. Over and over she brings the chair down on Zed’s neck and back. Referee Hale has no choice.
Winner: Disqualification (6:38) Zed!

The bell does not stop Kirkland, as she continues her assault. Zed has slumped to the floor and tries to crawl away, but she pursues him relentlessly. It takes 5 members of Backstage Security to pull her away enough so that medics can get a bloody and bruised Zed to the back

THE FRENEMIES & BEVERLY CAMBRIDGE vs. THE SAINTS OF SINNERS

Frenemies and Bev are out first, the fans give them a loud ovation which is immediately drowned out when the Saints are announced. They make their way to the ring and the crowd boos them mercilessly.

Back and forth match sees both teams take the advantage. Surprisingly the match stays mostly in the ring. The end comes when Fire SLAMS her half of the world tag team title upside Kylie’s head as she goes for the Kylieplex on Moose, Moose grabs her and hits a package piledriver and gets the three count.
WINNERS in 44:19 – The Saints of Sinners

MAC FLASHER vs. SEBASTIAN DAVIS – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

With the arena in Cardiff in a minutes-long chant of “Ewch, Mac, ewch,” (Go, Mac, go) “I Get Wet” plays out adopted favorite son Mac Flasher, who has eschewed his regular black/yellow attire in favor of the blue/white combo of Cardiff City FC. Mac soaks in the adoration, taking the time to stop by his distant family in the front row before rolling into the ring and stretching on the ropes as “Glory” interrupts and brings Sebastian Davis to the ring as the arena’s mood changes drastically. Sebastian strides to the ring, making sure that everyone knows how many days he’s held the OOWF Onslaught Championship with a lengthy stop to shout the number in Welsh to Mac’s extended family. Sebastian hops into the ring and stares down Mac while holding his title in the air before Mel Creech can secure it from the champion. Creech explains the rules to both men, who glare at each other before the requisite handshake, which Sebastian tries to pull back but is pulled into by Mac with a few unpleasantries exchanged as the bell rings.

Mac ducks a quick short-armed clothesline out of the handshake and pulls Sebastian into a DDT try that Sebastian pulls away from as the two stand off. A collar-and-elbow tie-up gives Mac a quick advantage as he is able to power Sebastian into a corner, with a break before 1. Sebastian tries a cheap shot but is caught and arm dragged to the mat. Sebastian scampers up and gets another arm drag. And another. And a fourth. Mac leans in for a fifth before Sebastian ducks to the outside. Creech gets the count to 4 before Sebastian reenters and is on the defensive again with Mac stunning him with a forearm smash. Mac then whips Sebastian into the ropes and delivers a spinebuster that gets 1. Mac tries to pull Sebastian in for more, but the champ rolls away again.

Russ: “It’s Mac Flasher as motivated as we’ve seen him in almost a year. He sees a chance to strike gold again in OOWF, and in Cardiff, Wales, which we’ve learned is where the Flasher story began before Mac began.”
Razz: “I see an arena of people ripe for disappointment when Sebastian Davis retains. NEVER bet on a man in his hometown, adopted or not.”
Russ: “What about Clan Quinn a few weeks back?”
Razz: “I said ‘man’ not the embodiment of ‘sadism.’”

Sebastian hops back in and gets a rake of the eyes to gain an advantage on Mac, though it was short-lived as a lariat is ducked with Mac spinning around and delivering a Pele kick to stumble Sebastian into the corner. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood Trolley gets nothing but turnbuckle as Sebastian rolls out of the way and then rolls Mac up for 1.5. A go-behind into a German Suplex sets up Sebastian’s first crack at sustained offense as he batters Mac with a ground-and-pound strategy with Creech ensuring that his hands are open. They aren’t.

Sebastian Davis has been issued his first warning.

After an incredulous look from the champ to Creech, he continues to attack Mac, pulling him up and delivering a Longhorn Stampede (running power slam) that gets 2. More high-impact offense follows with a second-rope knee drop, a double axehandle and a enzuiguri that all get 2, with the third pin try only halted by Mac’s foot over the rope.

Mac Flasher has used his first rope break.

Mac tries to get separation, but Sebastian picks the ankle and pulls him toward the middle of the ring. Sebastian is able to turn Mac over and into a Boston Crab with extra bend. Mac is almost paralyzed in pain as Sebastian exchanges words with Mac’s family around ringside with Mac starting to pull Sebastian away. After an excruciating minute, Mac is able to reach the ropes.

Mac Flasher has used his second rope break.

Sebastian stomps away at Mac’s back as he rolls to the outside. Sebastian follows and gives Mac no respite as he tosses him back-first into the apron, the barricade and the barricade in front of Mac’s family. With the Flasher Clan shouting obscenities in English and Welsh toward the champion, Sebastian pays the venom no mind, pounding away at Mac until one of Mac’s distant cousins gives Sebastian an upside-down Hook ‘Em Horns sign. This sends Sebastian into a fit of rage, as he forgets about Mac and is a few quick members of security away from an assault case. Mac gets a breather as Creech only now starts counting the men out. Sebastian turns his attention to Mac and eats a lariat that sends Sebastian’s head bouncing off the outside mats while Mac’s explosion takes what little he had from his tank as Creech’s count gets to a dangerous number. Sebastian, realizing that he can lose the championship on a count-out, scrambles into the ring with Mac making it in just a second after. The two start to exchange alternating blows while on their knees and then while vertical as fans cheer Mac’s connections and boo Sebastian’s connections.

Russ: “There is maybe one fan of Sebastian Davis in this building, and he’s at this table beside me.”
Razz: “You’re forgetting Sebastian, himself! And as long as he has that, he’ll think he could beat this entire city, regardless of any connection to Mac Flasher.”

Mac stumbles Sebastian and tries for an Irish whip, only for Sebastian to reverse it and pull Mac right into an unfortunately placed Creech. Mac lay on the ground clutching his head as Creech falls to the outside. Sebastian mocks Mac’s family again before pulling Mac to his feet. Mac is defenseless against a Spring Break Plunge that would have gotten about 10, if Creech wasn’t on the outside. While Sebastian is counting the pin, himself and in Welsh just to be a dick, Matt Folz runs through the crowd and scoops Sebastian up and into an Angle Slam. Matt then stares at and taunts Sebastian before exiting. Mac comes to and sees Sebastian fairly incapacitated. Mac looks to his family, which points to a turnbuckle with a few signaling for a 450. Mac appears reluctant but climbs to the top rope just as Creech crawls into the ring. Mac drops to the mat as Sebastian stands up, opting for a Flash Drive instead. Sebastian is able to block and pull Mac into a small package that Mac rolls over, with a slight nudge from Matt out of Creech’s view, at 2 to get a 3-count from Creech, setting off a wild reaction as Mac’s family has already begun to storm the ring with Bridget O’Malley, Zed and Rev. BRICK~! rushing down the aisle.
WINNER (pinfall, 13:19) and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion, Mac Flasher!

Mac receives the title from Creech, who gets into an impassioned argument with Sebastian as the new champ starts a “ONE DAY!” chant. Mac looks at the title before getting a huge kiss from Bridget as Zed, Rev. BRICK~! and the late-arriving Kylie Mignolio lead the applause. All of this while Matt stands in the crowd smiling and throwing a middle finger at Sebastian, who just spotted the OOWF champion.


Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out OOWF Storming the Beach 2!, May 26, Live! From Le Havre, France. And don’t forget to catch next week’s MidWeek Mayhem, May 1st, Live! from Calais, France.

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