[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#915)
Live! From Cannes, France
May 15, 2019

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Zed vs. Stacy Kirkland

The Frenemies vs. The Darlings
Los Defenestrators vs. Clan Quinn
Junior Winchester vs. Mac Flasher
Kieran Bourne vs. Jack Bullet vs. Sebastian Davis vs. Beverly Cambridge
Shizuru vs. John Law vs. Matt Folz

card subject to the never ending, relentless march of French snails

[DrMcAwesome]

*MAC FLASHER is in his hotel suite with a PlayStation 4 controller in hand as he sets up his Pittsburgh Pirates franchise file on ‘MLB 19 The Show’ as BRIDGET O’MALLEY walks in with an envelope in hand*

MAC: “Hey, Bridge. Just signed Dallas Kuechel to a one-year deal. My rotation is going to be so good.”

BRIDGET: “I see ... Well, I need you to read this.”

*BRIDGET hands MAC the envelope as he puts down his PS4 controller*

MF (muttering almost every word, but some are audible): “...Onslaught title ... June 16 ... Bridget ... Wait. You’re challenging me for the Onslaught Championship?”

BO’M: “Read a bit further, dear.”

MF (back to semi-audible mutters): “Main event ... Johnstown.”

*MAC hands the document back to BRIDGET*

MF: “No. I will not. Never again.”

BO’M: “Mac, I know. But it’ll be different this time. Zed won’t be ruining anything. Reverend BRICK~! ... Well, he gave me his word that Zed, or anyone representing The God Complex will keep the outside distractions and interference away from us. Away from you.”

MF: “I will forfeit this title before I wrestle another match in Johnstown.”

BO’M: “Mac ... It’ll be different. June 16 is my birthday. Maybe the bad stuff happened because it was your birthday those other two times. Zed was the man behind both of those endings. He’s not going to hurt you this time. He assured me. In fact, he encouraged me to ask Vic for this match.”

MF: “Of course he would ... Zed also said he’d never turn his back on me. That turned out great nine months later.”

BO’M: “Well, it may not even be you facing me. Apparently I could only talk Vic into an Onslaught Championship shot, so whomever is holding that title is slotted into Johnstown.”

MF: “Again, I’ll forfeit this title before I go back ...”

BO’M: “About that. Vic figured that you’d be a bit reluctant.”

MF: “So ...”

BO’M: “If you try to lose the Onslaught Championship on purpose before June 16, you’ll never get another shot at the world title as long as he’s breathing.”

MF: “Well, that’s not valid until I sign ...”

*MAC looks at the contract portion of the document to see the seal of The God Complex stamped on the line he’s supposed to sign*

MF: “I’ll kill him.”

BO’M: “Mac. Wait!”

*MAC grabs his cap and makes a hasty exit with The God Complex in his crosshairs as the scene fades*

[L!zz~]

(Kylie against the door way thru which Mac stormed thru)

Kylie: I told you.

Bridget: It's for his own good.

Kylie: Dorothy told you.

Bridget: He needs this to happen.

Kylie: Beverly told you.

Bridget: Will you stop? You're suppose to be on my side.

Kylie: (enters the room and closes the door behind her) I am on your side, B.

Bridget: Than why are you acting so smug? And why did you try to stop me? I know what I'm doing.

Kylie: Because you need to admit why you are doing them..

Bridget: Mac needs to get out of his own head. It's really Dorothy's idea.

Kylie: What? How?

Bridget: She has us doing all sorts of things to compete against each other..

Kylie: I had no idea you were so good at archery.

Bridget: (smirks) There's a lot people don't know about me.

Kylie: And isn't this what this whole match is about, really?

Bridget: No! It's about Mac!

Kylie: (sighs) Ok..well I have the cake and other things you wanted me to bring by in the hall. What do you want me to do with them?

Bridget: Well, bring them in, and than let's go keep Mac from doing something stupid.

Kylie: Yeah (as she heads to fetch the celebration supplies) cause we're really good at that....

(Bridget glares at the back of her friends head as we fade)

[Leo]

“Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet has no idea how long the chase has been going on. He simply keeps struggling forward down dark alleys and decaying side streets. And no matter how he turns, just a half block or so behind is always John Law. He doesn’t quicken his pace, he doesn’t say a word. He simply keeps coming like a horror movie villain. A baton in one hand and zip ties in the other.

Bullet is in an alley with tipped over trash cans and rats running along the sides of two brick buildings. He sees a fire escape. Bullet makes a running leap and grabs the last rung of the fire escape ladder in order to pull it down. He then scurries up the ladder.

Bullet races up a couple flights and looks down. Law is coming up the ladder. Bullet is sure he pulled it up behind him. He must have. No matter, it would not have stopped him anyway. A window is half open. Jack pries it open the rest of the way and enters.

As he enters the room and his eyes adjust to the fluorescent lighting, he can hear the beeps and squeaks of medical equipment. There are three beds in the room. There are three bodies in the beds hooked up to monitors and oxygen tanks.

Bullet hears a noise behind him as he stands in the middle of the room. He turns to see Law entering from outside. He holds his nightstick high to strike Jack, but then pauses. He looks around the room and seems confused by what he sees.

Jack’s look of fear slowly washes away from his face and a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth.

JB: You weren’t chasing me. I was leading you. I wanted you to see what would become of you if you kept after me. Do you recognize the men in these beds? You should. All men that I’ve injured and put out of the OOWF.

Bullet points to each as he speaks their names.

JB: Christian Carter, Demon Smoke, Nick Fleming. And there’s a bed for you John Law.

Bullet then turns and points to an empty bed where there didn’t seem to be one just moments ago.

Now, Law smiles as he lowers the baton to his side.

JL: You think you’re going to scare me with your theatrics, Bullet. You’re going to intimidate me? You’re going to make me wet my pants and beg for mercy?

JB: No…YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, MOTHER FUCKER!

Jack leaps forward as he screams. A surprised Law stumbles backwards and crashes through the now closed window both men entered through. Glass shards fly everywhere. Bullet rushes to the window and sees Law tumbling through the air. His body jerks to a stop as he lands on a wrought iron fence with jagged points like little spears aimed at the sky. A spike is straight through Law’s chest at the heart and blood begins to stain his shirt.

With that…Jack Bullet wakes up with a start in bed. He’s sweating and breathing hard. He fumbles around for the lamp on his bedside table. He rolls out of bed and faces a mirror over the dresser next to the bed. He buries his head in his hands, but through his fingers he sees an image in the mirror that is not his own.

He sees Firewoman. Her hair flying wild as if a stiff breeze was blowing it from below. The pendant around her neck glows with a green light. She raises her hand and points a finger at Jack.

FW: YOU’RE GOING TO DIE, MOTHER FUCKER!

Jack Bullet wakes up again in bed. The room is still dark. He bolts out of bed and looks at the mirror, there is no Firewoman there. There is only his image, only his haggard face staring back at him. God, he could use a drink.

FADE

[Deadly]

Kieran Bourne is sitting in a nearly pitch black locker room. There's just enough light to barely make out his face. He lifts he head and looks straight at the camera.

KB: I didn't think it would be this easy...

A smirk slowly spreads across his face.

KB: One week. It only took one week. One week after my brutally glorious debut I now have Beverly Cambridge right where I want her. There will be no more running "Bev". No more avoiding your past. No more lies. This week, I put an end to it. This week your actions come back to haunt you. This week YOU. WILL. REAP IT.

Bourne lowers his head as the camera fades.

[L!zz~]

(Beverly watches the promo from KB, tilting to her head to the side she rewinds it, than rewinds it again)

Bev: (facing the INC) Kieran, if you think doing a promo obviously stolen from the book of Tytan and promo class 101 will have me shaking in my boots, you are sorely mistaken. I get it. You're new here. You need to make a splash. (Using the much hated by Fire dick fingers as she says splash). So you grasped at the first thing you can think of. But you thought wrong. See, I don't care who did what. I'm not responsible for anyone's actions. I fulfilled a request and I moved on..you should too, this won't end well. Well, it won't end well for you...

(Smirking she waves the INC away and goes back to what ever she was doing)

[DrMcAwesome]

*SHIZURU-MUNE MANGYUNIKU-COX sits on a bench in the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center when EL ECOSISTEMA walks in. SHIZURU perks up and rushes to hug a very confused EL ECOSISTEMA*

SHIZURU: “I missed you, buddy.”

EL ECOSISTEMA: “¿Que el hell?”

SM: “Eco. It’s me … Shizuru-Mune. You know, your eager assistant.”

E: “¡No soy ecosistema! ¡I am El Ecosistema! No tengo assistant.”

SM: “Oh, I get it … You probably want me to … OK, hold on.”

*SHIZURU sighs and then switches personas*

SM: “Sizzlechest miss No. 1 super genius. Sizzlechest very sad when Firelady break neck of Eco.”

EE: “…”

SM: “Sizzlechest happy to see Eco back to get back at New Orleans Saints.”

EE: “Los Saints de Neuva Orleans? No la play in la NFL.”

SM: “Sizzlechest never leave Eco again. Sizzlechest protect Eco.”

EE: “Ummm ... Alejate de mi. Me estás scared.”

*EL ECOSISTEMA backs away before sprinting out the door. SHIZURU drops the act and sighs again*

SM (to himself): “I would have thought Junichiro would have been happy to have another ally … Oh well.”

*SHIZURU picks up his gym bag and exits as the scene fades*

[Leo]

“Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet and disgraced baseball announcer, now with the Oakland Athletics, Jim Brockmire sit at the counter of an all night diner sipping coffee out of white mugs.

Brockmire: That was a hell of a dream you had there, Jack. Did you happen to drop acid before going to sleep?

Bullet: I didn’t visit Bing Bong, no?

Brockmire: What’s a Bing Bong?

Bullet: A drug dealing elephant.

Brockmire. Whoa, nelly, do you need to do acid before getting acid off this elephant. Also, can I have its phone number?

Bullet: I don’t think my sponsor should be using me to score drugs.

Brockmire: Look, Jack, I’m only an AA sponsor, because my AA sponsor said it would be good for me. And I hooked up with that athletes AA group hoping to get a baseball player or a hot beach volleyball player, but wind up with your old ass. And you’re not even an athlete.

Bullet: Don’t give me the whole wrestling isn’t real bullshit.

Brockmire: I’m not saying you aren’t athletic, I’m just saying you’re not an athlete. You’re half a stunt man and half a gymnast.

Bullet: Gymnastics isn’t a sport?

Brockmire: Hell no, anything that has to be judged like a Little Miss Sunshine pageant is not a real sport. Wrestling is a hell of show, but it’s predetermined.

Bullet: And baseball has never been fixed?

Brockmire: Oh, there it is. Yes, the 1919 Black Sox scandal. Coincidentally that was the last time I might have called professional wrestling an actual sport.

Bullet: I don’t think this is helping me.

Brockmire: Before we get back to meaningful conversation, are we going to address the fact that you’re supposed to be in France and I’m supposed to be in Oakland, but we both appear to be inside “Nighthawks” by Edward Hopper.

Kayfabe rises up from behind the counter and refills the coffee cups. She mean mugs Brockmire.

Brockmire: Normally I would make a comment on how hot or ugly this woman is, but because I don’t think Kayfabe has ever been described in a promo, I’m going to have remain neutral here.

Kayfabe pours Brockmire’s coffee out and goes back down under the counter.

Bullet: Look, I want a drink worse than anytime since I stopped drinking. This dream has me shook.

Brockmire: I’m no Sigmund Freud here Jack, but it sounds like to me that you have some deep seeded issues about how you’ve hurt others. Now for me it’s usually emotionally, but you’ve put people in comas. Wait, is that real or storyline?

Kayfabe pops from the counter again and pours hot coffee in Jim’s lap.

Brockmire: Holy hell, sweet mama, watching where you’re slinging that hot Joe.

Bullet: Just stick to everything being real and she’ll leave you alone.

Brockmire: In that case, I would say you need to confront the people who are causing you issues. One would be this John Law character, the other Firewoman. Just go up to them, look them in the eye and say your peace. I have to tell you it’s one of the best things that helped me through my sobriety.

Bullet: Thanks, Jim, that actually might be helpful advice.

Jack gets up and walks out. Jim looks around the empty diner. He then looks over the counter and can’t find Kayfabe.

Brockmire: Can a man get a piece of sweet pie around here? And I’m not using that as a metaphor for anything dirty.

FADE

[DrMcAwesome]

*as he basically runs through The God Complex, MAC FLASHER barges into THE REVEREND BRICK~!’s office with a look of pure rage. REV. BRICK~! is none the wiser as to why MAC is red-faced and irate*

REV. BRICK~!: “May I help you, MacIntosh?”

MAC: “Why would I want your help? YOUR help got Bridget thinking that I need to wrestle another match in Johnstown. YOUR help stamped the contract on my behalf, which for some reason counts as my signature nowadays. YOUR help …”

RB~!: “My help will assist you in seeing that the days of having to be afraid to compete in your hometown are over. The God Complex will see to your safety and the safety of Miss O’Malley before, during and after the match.”

MF: “What part of ‘never wrestling in Johnstown again” was not clear? I thought everyone got the idea when April 30 passed and I got to celebrate a birthday without getting beaten down or having a best friend turn on me. Then Bridget comes in with …”

RB~!: “A ticket to your mental salvation.”

MF: “What?”

RB~!: “MacIntosh. You need this match. As OOWF’s Onslaught champion, you hold the lone title not in the clutches of The Saints of Sinners. It is on you to defend that title with the purity that The God Complex stands for. What better way than to defend the championship against another member of The God Complex?”

MF: “I don’t exactly trust that what you said is your reason.”

RB~!: “It’s the only way to make sure that you have as pleasant an experience in your hometown, aside from Miss O’Malley potentially beating you in her hometown.”

MF: “Wait … A pleasant experience? This coming from a co-conspirator in the 2018 Home Sweet Hell attack. This coming from the person who sided with Zed after the 2017 attack. YOU WERE A HUGE FUCKING PART AS TO WHY I WILL NEVER WRESTLE THERE AGAIN.”

RB~!: “Language, MacIntosh. I’ve changed my ways. As has Zed. Just compete. Hold on to that title until June 16. Just embrace that His plan is for you to reap the rewards of being one of the purest wrestlers on the OOWF roster. That main event will be a festival of purity. Two pure children of God …”

*MAC snickers*

RB~!: “What’s so funny? Did you and Miss O’Malley …” *REV. BRICK~! gulps and shudders* “… Consummate out of wedlock?”

MF: “That’s not any of your business, BRICK~!.”

RB~!: “That’s Reverend BRICK~!, thank you very much. I had to Google everything about becoming ordained. That was a very long day.”

MF: “Well, I’m going to Google my way to Vic’s office to get this contract tossed out. This is not happening.”

RB~!: “James 1, Verses 6 through 8 tell you: ‘But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.’”

MF: “You just Googled that, didn’t you.”

RB~! (putting his phone in his drawer): “MacIntosh. The message you need to be receiving is that you cannot become the wrestler that all of us in The God Complex know you should be until you slay the demons in your head awaiting your soul in Johnstown.”

MF: “That’s all well and good, but …”

RB~!: “Yes. You’re an Agnostic. You’ve told me almost every day since The God Complex was first erected. If your faith cannot be placed in God’s word, put it in my word. It will not be you suffering in Johnstown.”

MF: “You’re ridiculous if you think I’m wrestling this match.”

*MAC exits and slams the door behind him while REV. BRICK~! pulls out his phone and makes a call*

RB~!: “Zed … If you still wanted to make good on your promise to God and myself, now would be the time. He’s still very confused.”

*REV. BRICK~! ends the call and turns to his laptop as the scene fades*

[Chris Eco]

(A makeshift 90s-style video appears with Ecosistema and Voltaje’s bouncing heads.)



Voiceover: He’s Ecosistema! He’s Voltaje! They’re Los Defenestrators! Viva Las Ventanas!

(Ecosistema and Voltaje are at a local school sitting down in small chairs as a man in full fire gear is speaking in front of the blackboard. The banner says “Career Day” and above it, it says “Cannes International English-Language School”)

Fireman: (in French accent) . . . and that’s what it means to serve your community.

(Everyone claps as Los Defenestrators stand, clapping.)

Fireman: Does anyone else have any questions—

Voltaje: (pushing him out of the way) Okay, ese, you had your turn.

Ecosistema: Yeah, holmes, it’s la hora for los campeones to talk.

(Ecosistema hands Voltaje one of the stolen Tag Team Championships from Clan Quinn and puts the other one over his shoulder.)

Ecosistema: So listen, niños, when you grow up grande y fuerte, you don’t want to serve any one.

Voltaje: Being a serviente is no bueno.

Ecosistema: Exactamente. See, Voltaje y yo, nosotros son ganadores. That means winners. When we were niños pequeños, and we were deciding what we wanted to be, we decided we wanted to be winners. Ustedes comprenden?

Voltaje: I think they got it, who’s got a pregunta? A question?

(One kid raises his hand.)

Kid: I watch OOWF, you didn’t win anything! You didn’t even pin anybody for those championships!

Ecosistema: (slamming hands on the desk) Why you little puta—

Teacher: Excuse me!

Voltaje: (holding Ecosistema back) Calmate, amigo. Necesitamos explain to the niños.

Ecosistema: (walking over to the blackboard) Okay, let me explain. You don’t have to pin anybody, or submit anybody, to be a ganador, okay? You just have to do three things, okay, uno, dos, tres.

Uno. We told El Clan de Quinn, that they were guests numero uno on El Ecosistema Variety Show. What did we do?

Voltaje: We lied.

Ecosistema: Dos. We took the blackboards off to reveal windows, and we threw el equipo de Quinn right through it, didn’t we, holmes?

Voltaje: We defenestrated.

Ecosistema: Tres. While they were lying there in their sangre, nobody was taking care of los cinturóns, the belts, they needed safekeeping, esse.

Voltaje: We stole.

Ecosistema: Lie, Defenestrate, Steal. Any questions?

(The firefighter stands up.)

Firefighter: Hey, these are not good lessons you’re teaching these children. That ’s not how you become a winner.

Voltaje: Hey holmes, if you French firefighters knew something about being a winner, maybe Notre Dame wouldn’t have been all en fuego, you know?

Firefighter: How dare you!

Kid #2: Hey! Whose parents are you anyway?

Voltaje: Uh . . .

Firefighter: Are you intruders?

(Ecosistema takes the black off the blackboard and it’s a glass pane. Voltaje ducks a punch from the firefighter, and grabs and throws the firefighter right through the glass!)

Kid #3: DADDY!

Teacher: GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!

Ecosistema: Sí, señora, muy rápido.

(Ecosistema and Voltaje dash into the hallway.)

Voltaje: The French are so rude.

Ecosistema: I know, esse. And all I got when I slammed the niño’s desk was his lunch money!

(Ecosistema takes out the bills.)

Voltaje: (taking out a watch) Well, my reloj says it’s la hora de lunchtime.

Ecosistema: Is that un Rolex, holmes?

Voltaje: Sí. They must pay their firefighters muy bueno.

(Los Defenestrators laugh.)

Voiceover: If you’re not defenestrating, you’re not trying. VIVA LAS VENTANAS!

[DrMcAwesome]

*MAC FLASHER is sitting by himself in OOWF Catering when ZED pulls up a seat at the table*

ZED: “Room for one more?”

MAC: “I guess if you want to sit here, you can.”

Z: “I think you might be a little too hard on Reverend BRICK~!.”

MF: “Excuse me?”

Z: “Look, I get it. For like a year and a half, he and I wanted to make your life miserable and end your career. But there was something that happened that night at Nowhere Bar, Grill and PCPL Repository that really changed him. Maybe it was the PCPL hallucinations that convinced him that God spoke to him. Maybe it was just the near-death experience associated with drinking a gallon of that stuff after trying Justin’s famous DOUUUUUUUGGGGGGHAWWWWWKKKKK ghost pepper wings. He’s still trying to work some of his old self out of his daily habits, but when Awesome Bill called me to pick him up and I saw him trying to baptize Arctic McBearington with a Coors Light that he had blessed, I knew that his heart was in the right place.”

MF: “Wait. BRICK~!, a man made of non-human parts has a heart?”

Z: “It’s probably metaphorical, but yeah.”

MF: “So, is this another full-court press to get me to take that match in Johnstown?”

Z: “No. I’d rather you worry about beating Junior Winchester this week. But I guess I just need to get something out in the air.”

MF: “Yeah, I know. You still can’t stand me. You hate me. You’re only tolerating me because of BRICK~!.”

Z: “No. I’m … God, I didn’t want to have to do this, but I need to … I’m sorry.”

MF: “Wait … What?”

Z: “I know. I just surprised myself. But you have to see where I was on that night two years ago. You had this show in your backyard. A world title shot against Ghosthead. That whole weekend was just a festival of how much you were actually loved by people in your community. Then Thirty-Seven gets a contract and you two are suddenly the closest-knit people in OOWF and I’m the third wheel in this little group. All while I had to deal with Junichiro trying to fuck with me at every turn. You had your own stuff going on, but when I thought you could have had my back a little more, you weren’t there. Instead of talking things out with you, I took things out on you. It was easier to personify my frustrations with my situation in you. I was waiting on my rematch, and hoping to get it before Johnstown so I could have beat Ghosthead and then put myself back in that match with you. We’d have torn the house down and either way, the champ leaving Johnstown would have been the right person to hold the title. But, I guess … I mean, it felt good in the moment, but it was wrong. I just needed some time to realize it.”

MF: “Wow … I … Ummmm …”

Z: “It’s a lot to process. But you have to admit that it’s been awesome to team up again.”

MF: “Yeah. It really has been. Especially last week.”

Z: “Well, I’m heading to get some gym work in. Stacy Kirkland isn’t beating herself on Wednesday, and I’ll be facing two if ‘Junior’ is working that match.”

MF: “Yeah. I just hope he gets fed more than circus peanuts and Pedialyte in that closet.”

Z: “He’s getting circus peanuts?”

MF: “Yeah, you’re right. He only gets those on special occasions.”

Z: “Good talk.”

*ZED exits while MAC sighs and begins to ponder, well everything, as the scene fades*

[Chris Eco]

(As Zed exits, Ecosistema is waiting for him.)

Ecosistema: Perdón, amigo. I heard you and Mac cuando estan hablando, and it sounds like you still have un poco resentment against Ecosystem. Como he did some muy terible cosas to you.

Zed: Wow, "muy terible cosas." You must be hitting that Rosetta Stone pretty hard.

Ecosistema: ...Sabes qué? Why don't we just cut the crap?

Zed: I'd like that.

(Zed assumes a fighting stance as Ecosistema takes off his mask to reveal . . . another mask.)

Ecosistema: No me gusta Ecosystem either. Muy Malo. Good riddance.

(Ecosistema takes a breath and smiles as he takes out a pen and signs his mask.)

Ecosistema: Felt good to get that off my chest. Aqui, un regalo por su madre. Mascara de su luchador favorite con una firma!

(Ecosistema hands Zed the mask and walks off whistling. Zed looks at the mask's signature.)

"VIVA LAS VENTANAS! Sinceramente, Ecosistema (no soy Ecosystem)"

Zed: (yelling after him) It's vivaN, idiot! Use the plural verb!

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

<Matt and Stacy walk into the Destroyitarium and see it is in absolute ruins>

SK: Holy shit! Someone trashed the place! Who the fuck is stupid enough to do this?

MF: <noticing Lucky walking around with a notepad taking inventory on all the broken things> No one

SK: Then how.....

<Just then Moose and Fire come out from the back, Moose is drinking straight from the bottle, and Fire is clearly not any happier>

FW: What do you MEAN he won't get them back?

MHJ: His words, and I FUCKING QUOTE "you will work it out", so, <Moose grabs the scalpel from his boot> Let's go kill Juni

FW: Juni? Why would we do that?

MHJ: Because he stole our titles

FW: That's not Juni

MHJ: OF FUCKING COURSE IT'S JUNI

FW: I paralyzed him

MHJ: Well, evidently he got better, or a clone, or whatever

FW: Nope, that's not him, it's Ecosistema

MHJ: Which, is Ecosystem under a mask

FW: THAT IS NOT ECOSYSTEM!

MHJ: YES IT FUCKING IS!

FW: Then who's the other guy?

MHJ: Voltage

FW: Who?

MHJ: Voltage, under a mask, or, maybe he always had a mask, the 2007 Breakthrough Star of the Year?

FW: WHO?

MHJ: fuck I don't know, I don't remember him either, for all I fucking know it could be Zed under a mask

FW: Why would Ecosistema team with Zed?

MHJ: You mean, why would Eco team with Zed

FW: THAT IS NOT ECOSYSTEM!

MHJ: YES IT FUCKING IS!

<Lucky casually walks over between the Quinns and hands Moose a glass and looks at Fire>

LG: Remember your mantra

<Fire breathes deeply and calms down noticeably, Moose pours a drink and calms some as well>

LG: Now, the problem seems to be that the team of Totally Not Eco and For All We Know It's Zed Under a Mask, Los Defenestrators, not only stole your titles.........

Shark: ......championships

LG: ......but also threw you both through plate glass windows

MHJ: Yeah, I'm still pretty pissed about that too

LG: Then do something about it

MHJ: What?

LG: Do something about it. Since you almost died in Northern Ireland you have both been quiet. I didn't think the idea of winning the titles was to run and hide after winning them

MHJ: And I didn't think the idea of wanting to keep your head on your shoulders involved insulting me

LG: Yes, well, let me go restock the bar. Someone will be in later to clean up........everything

<Fire opens her eyes and takes a deep breath, perhaps absentmindedly she reaches up to the necklace she is wearing and touches the locket with Bullet's soul>

FW: Whoever they are.....

MHJ: Eco and Voltage.....

FW: <taking a deep breath>......we will deal with them tomorrow night, no mercy, no bullshit. We go in there, we annihilate them, and we take our titles back.

MHJ: Fine. You should have let me break his neck so it was done RIGHT

FW: IT WAS FUCKING.......<deep breath> Eco's neck is broken. He is in a convalescence home in Japan somewhere. This is not Eco. Beside, the terms of him being CEO were that he could never mess with the Saints again

MHJ: Right, and Eco would NEVER lie

FW: It's not him

MHJ: Ok, fine, whatever. It's not him, it's just someone who looks, sounds and wrestles like him, but totally NOT him.

FW: EXACTLY!

<Just then Stank walks in and sees the mess, sees Matt and Stacy watching them, then notices Moose and Fire are not bloody or trying to murder one another>

Sta: So........Tuesday

MF: Yep

SK: This is.........normal?

MF: <laughing> No, no. Not at all

Sta: No, normally they would be bloody and beating the holy shit out of one another. This is........

MF: Progress

<Stank nods in agreement>

SK: This place is weird as hell. Now, excuse me boys, I have to go feed the referee that I keep in my closet

<Stacy walks off and we fade>

[Leo]

Sexy Female Journalist 3.14 welcomes "Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland to the interview stage with an OOWF banner behind them.

Pi: Stacy, tonight you defend the Intercontinental Title against Zed, the man you originally won it from.

SK: Zed is a bitch and tonight I will slap him like one, again. For the second week in a row the OOWF has turned to me - Stacy Two Belts, Main Event Stacy, "Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland - to hold up Mayhem and make it the premiere wrestling program on television today. Top of the card isn't the tag champs, it's not the world champ, It's not my pathetic fake husband, it's me - Stacy Two Belts, Main Event Stacy, "Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland.

Pi: It should be mentioned that you lost to Zed last week in a tag team bout.

SK: No, it doesn't really need to be mentioned. There is a big different between using distractions, chicanery and BRICK~! to steal a win in a match that doesn't mean anything and have to pin me or make me submit clean in the middle of the ring. If Zed wants this title belt back, he's going to have pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

Pi: It also sounds like you might be throwing some shade at World Champion Matt Folz, your partner last week and fellow member of the Saints of Sinners.

SK: If you are trying to drive a wedge there, little girl, I will slap the taste out of your mouth right fucking now. Matt Folz came to me with his hand outstretched and a smile on his face when he found Firewoman made me a full member of the Saints. Why? Because game recognizes game. He said he wants this version of the Saints to be the best and that might rile up some former members or the OOWF fans. And that might be hyperbole, but I'm on board with making that a fact once all is said and done. The Saints run this place and that includes me - Stacy Two Belts, Main Event Stacy, "Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland.

Kirkland leaves the stage and we fade.

[Leo]

"Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland returns to the Destroyaterium after her interview. She sits at the bar and lays the IC and DDT Ironman Heavy Metal title belts on the bar. Sitting next to her nursing a bottle of Trust Me as he is known to do, is Moosehead Jack.

SK: Should you be drinking before a match tonight?

MJ: You know people used to think Dean Martin was loaded on stage, but it was usually iced tea in his glass. There's something to be said for cultivating a public persona. Would you know anything about that Stacy Two Belts, Main Event Stacy, "Black Magic" Stacy Kirkland?

SK: So you saw the promo just now?

MJ: Since we let the cable go, all we get is OOWF TV on the set above the bar. Let me just say, you're walking a fine line between being a member of the Saints and sounding like you're better than us.

SK: Firewoman and Matt Folz seem to think I'm good enough to have around. I haven't heard from you since Fire gave me the blessing.

MJ: (chuckles slightly) Maybe it's a blessing, maybe it's a curse. Fire does what Fire wants to do, always. She doesn't check with me, she doesn't check with Stank and she doesn't check with Lucky. She's the one who found you, she's the one who came up with the mind games on Bullet for fun. Me, I'd just go upside his head with Happy Death Bat and call it day.

SK: Meatloaf said two out of three ain't bad, but I'd rather have the support of all of you.

Moose stands up from his stole and extends his hand. Kirkland take it and they shake.

MJ: Do I think this is going to be the best version of the Saints ever without Fulton, Poe or Williams? No, not going to happen. Do I think this is going to be a damn good version that's going to kick the ass of everyone else and run this place until we choose otherwise, yes I do. And we're going to need you to do that. You just watch out that your mouth doesn't write a check your tight little ass can't cash.

SK: That could be considered sexual harassment.

MJ: You keep a sex slave referee in your closet and feed him Goldfish crackers. Go ahead and call HR.

Jack walks off as we fade.

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#915)
Live! From Cannes, France
May 15, 2019

FRENEMIES vs. THE DARLINGS

Match goes to a twenty minute time limit draw. After the match, GM the Vic comes out to the top of the stage with a mic.

You know, I like what I saw here tonight and so did the fans <crowd pops>. Now, I know both of you want shots at the tag titles, and quite honestly, you both deserve that shot. So what we’re going to do is this, starting next week you are going to have a best of seven series. The first to four wins gets the world tag team title shot.

The crowd pops, The Darlings look slightly annoyed by the ruling while the Frenemies are pumped about it.

KIERAN BOURNE vs. JACK BULLET vs. SEBASTIAN DAVIS vs. BEVERLY CAMBRIDGE

With Bourne and Bev fighting up the ramp, Davis gets the win when he uses a pair of brass knucks to KO Bullet.
WINNER in 26:28 – Sebastian Davis

JUNIOR WINCHESTER vs. MAC FLASHER

Both grapplers are already in the ring as Angelo Barros inspects both men for foreign objects, finding a pair of brass knuckles in Junior Winchester’s boot. Junior laughs it off as Betty Sue chirps taunts at Mac Flasher, who passes Barros’ inspection before the bell rings. Barros points to the timekeeper as Junior barrels in with an ambush forearm strike. That backs Mac into a corner as Junior charges in with an elbow that connects with Mac’s jaw. Junior tries to climb up and deliver 10 punches, but is dumped over the top rope and onto the apron. Junior tries to step in with another forearm shiver, but Mac ducks and pulls Junior’s head down to drive his throat across the top rope. That sends Junior flying onto the floor, where Betty Sue rushes to his aid, keeping Mac at a distance.

Junior rolls back into the ring and rolls away from Mac’s try at a quick elbow drop. Both stand up and start throwing haymakers, at Junior’s request with Mac sending a right to the jaw that loosens some tobacco spittle from Junior’s mouth. Junior replies with a knee to the gut and a quick DDT that gets 2. Junior picks Mac up and whips him into the ropes with a spine buster on the other end. That also gets 2 a with Junior feigning wiping away tears at fans of Mac in the ringside area. That gives Mac enough of a chance to lock Junior into a crucifix pin that gets 1. Mac ducks a right and delivers a punch of his own, stunning Junior. Mac tries for a Flash Drive, but Betty Sue running up to the apron gets the attention Barros, and eventually Mac. That opens the door for Junior to load up his boot and throw a Shit-Kicker that misses Mac by inches.

Mac pops up and spears Junior, right into the corner, driving the wind from out of his lungs. As Junior lay on the mat, Betty Sue tends to him as Barros keeps Mac away. Betty Sue slips the pair of confiscated brass knuckles into Junior’s hand, with the only two people who should know about this blind to that fact. Finally Betty Sue backs away and Mac leans in, only to get decked across the jaw. Mac crumbles to the mat with Junior grinning from ear to ear. Junior goes for a lax cover and gets 2 only for Barros to notice the knuckles peeking out of Junior’s back pocket. Barros halts the count and begins to question him on the use of the knuckles. Junior swears up and down that he did not use the illegal object.

While Mac lay on the mat, Junior opts to add a bit more to the sure win by backing his way up to the middle rope. With designs of an elbow drop, Junior is met by a Size 13 Converse All-Star and a somewhat rejuvenated Mac. With Junior stumbling, Mac needs just a split second to hoist him up and deliver a Flash Drive that gets 3.

Your winner (pinfall, 12:50), Mac Flasher!

Mac rubs at his jaw as Betty Sue pulls Junior away from him. Mac slips to the timekeeper’s table and grabs his OOWF Onslaught championship with a small sect of fans chanting for Mac to take the match against Bridget O’Malley. Mac’s smile turns into a bit of an uneasy look when the chants get louder as he walks back up the ramp.


LOS DEFENESTRATORS vs. CLAN QUINN

PA: VIVA LAS VENTANAS!

“Totally Not Eco” Ecosistema and “For All We Know It’s Zed Under A Mask” Voltaje come out with the stolen Tag Team Championships over their shoulders, very proud of themselves—and all of a sudden, Moosehead Jack and Firewoman are storming down the aisles! They’re not waiting tonight, folks! Firewoman grounds Voltaje outside as Moosehead Jack spears Ecosistema down and then rolls him in the ring.

The bell rings as Moosehead Jack slams fists into Ecosistema’s face until the referee tries to stop him from the closed-fist shots—Moose barks at the referee, but Ecosistema takes the opportunity to kick Moose off and stand up. As both competitors stand, Ecosistema pulls cotton out of his mask.

Ecosistema: Es muy bueno that I had all this algodón in mi mascara, or los punches would have muy hurt!

Moosehead Jack lunges at Ecosistema, who ducks between the ropes. Jack doesn’t care much, as he throws a couple knees to Ecosistema’s gut, and then pulls him out—but Ecosistema reverses Jack’s grappling and pulls him into a Dragon Sleeper! Jack is trying and failing to get free—Firewoman spots it and bounds up to the corner, tagging herself in off the flailing arm. Ecosistema releases Jack as Firewoman comes in.

Moose: (coughing) That’s fucking Eco!

Firewoman: Other people use dragon sleepe—

Ecosistema grabs Firewoman as she turned to yell at Moose, armdrag! Firewoman back up, Ecosistema attempts another underarm flip—blocked, elbow strike by Firewoman! Ecosistema stumbles back as Firewoman hits the ropes—running knee to Ecosistema! Ecosistema stumbles back and rolls out of the ring . . . and under the mat!

Firewoman rolls out to follow him, but on the other side of the ring, Voltaje grabs Moosehead Jack’s leg and pulls him down to the mats below! Voltaje tries to ground and pound Jack as the referee comes over to yell at them, but Jack gets the better of Voltaje and SLAMS him into the steps! Jack yells at the referee that he took care of it . . .

. . . on the other side of the ring, Firewoman is looking for Ecosistema under the mat, but he came out to the side and runs around with a steel chair! He stops short as he faces Firewoman – he looks to the referee’s back, and tosses the chair at her! Eco then does a big flop on the mats as Firewoman catches the chair, and the referee comes back to their side, seeing Firewoman holding the chair and Ecosystem holding his head on the mat!

Fire: ARE YOU KIDDING—

Winner in 5:41 by disqualification . . . Los Defenestrators!

A few moments after the bell’s ringing, Ecosistema literally kips up and HOPS the barricade, running out into the crowd. Moosehead Jack and Firewoman curse him out, and then walk over to the ramp—but the championships are gone! The camera pans to Voltaje in the middle of the crowd, having already run out with both championships over his shoulder.

Voltaje: WE WON! WE WON! TWO-TIME CHAMPIONS!

Ecosistema: Solamente en Los Estados Unidos!

SHIZURU vs. JOHN LAW vs. MATT FOLZ

Everyone is announced, but Folz takes a seat at the announce table while Shizuru and Law beat the hell out of one another

Russ: Welcome champ, I uh, I think you have a match to wrestle
Folz: Are you kidding me?
Razz: I mean, you were announced as being part of the match
Folz: Why on earth am I in this match?
Russ: Is that rhetorical?
Folz: Look, I’ve beaten Shizuru a million times…….
Razz: And he’s beat you
Folz: …….and Law is a Big Bossman wannabe, I mean, don’t get me wrong, for a big man, he moves around the ring like a lightweight, but……..come on
Russ: Didn’t you say you wanted to be a fighting champion?
Folz: Yes! Yes I do! So why is this a non-title match?
Russ: Well, I…..
Folz: it’s because neither of these guys has done anything to deserve a shot. You know what…….let me go make these two famous

Inside the ring Shiz has Law up for a Psycho Driver, Folz knees him in the back and Law falls to the floor. Folz grabs Shiz and hits an over the top rope Olympic slam, sending Shiz crashing through the Polish Announce Table. Folz the pulls Law to his feet and takes him to the mat with a perfect belly to belly suplex, then traps him in the ankle lock. Law tries to get to the ropes, but Folz grapevines the leg and falls to the mat. Law has no choice but to tap.
WINNER in 13:56 – Matt Folz

Folz grabs his title and holds it in the air, the crowd boos the shit out of him as he heads to the back.

ZED vs. STACY KIRKLAND – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Stacy Kincaid comes to the ring in her brand new Saints of Sinners T Shirt (ripped in all the right places). Zed enters to babyface pops and Junior Hale makes a big deal about explaining the rules to Stacy, who nods, but also bats her eyelids at him. Hale fumbles around and finally calls for the bell. Zed's going all out, but Stacy stays with him with her own patented brand of bratty-brawling (think Alexa Bliss) which of course gets NO warnings from Hale. Despite this, Zed gets Stacy locked into a double chicken wing, but through some violation of physics, Stacy flips him for a back-body drop. She grabs his legs and twists into a figure-four, grabbing the closest rope to add to the pressure. Hale doesn't see this, but he does see Zed's left arm slam down on to the mat, and, well, that's kind of a tap....so Hale calls for the bell!
WINNER in 8:51 – Stacy Kirkland

While Zed still tries to figure out what happened, Hale is receiving the gratitude of Stacy Kincaid as they walk arm-in-arm up the ramp and fade to black.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out OOWF Storming the Beach 2!, May 26, Live! From Le Havre, France. And don’t forget to catch next week’s MidWeek Mayhem, May 15th, Live! from Bordeaux France.

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