Generic Championship Wrestling Nov 29, 2021 20:53:46 GMT -5
Post by Chris Eco on Nov 29, 2021 20:53:46 GMT -5
Roman Reigns is staring at some cue cards next to Kane.
Reigns: Y’all ain’t serious that I have to say this stuff.
Offscreen Voice: Just read off the cue cards, Roman.
Reigns: This is ridiculous.
Voice: And we’re rolling!
Reigns: (sighs) What’s up, Joemaniacs? This is Joe Anoa’i here on the scene of Generic Championship Wrestling. I’m excited that Ecosystem saw fit to draft me as ...
... (sighs loudly) the lead announcer ...
and I’m here with our first round pick, Kane! Kane, congratulations on your first ever first round pick in twelve years. How are you feeling?
Joe Anoa’i: …
Kane: (adjusts glove)
Joe Anoa’i: …A man of few words, Kane! Let’s turn it over to Kofi Kingston! Kof, come on down!
Kofi Kingston walks into the camera.
Joe Anoa’i: Kof, my man, how do you feel about being drafted by Ecosystem?
Kingston: First of all, why are you calling me Kof? Are we friends? Are we bosom buddies? Do we attend Thanksgiving together? Oh no no no. You will address me by my full name, (switches to Jamaican accent) BIG MONEY KOFI KINGSTON!
Joe Anoa’i: I’m sorry, what?
Kingston: Listen up mon, Big Money Kofi Kingston doesn’t just take the first contract that comes in the mail, no no no. Big Money Kofi Kingston is not on Team Ecosystem until he pays up the dough, kna’mean? If another offer comes through that door, Big Money Kofi Kingston is walking out the door, and he’s taking this whole company with him.
Joe Anoa’i: Kofi, I am trying to be patient right now, but can you drop the accent and just read from the cue cards?
Kofi: (takes out cards, drops accent) This is what’s on my cue cards.
Joe Anoa’i: Let me see those.
Anoa’i takes Kofi’s cards.
Joe Anoa’i: “Kofi: Big money, more fire, brap brap brap. STAGE RIGHT: Britt Baker enters dressed as a witch.”
Britt Baker enters from stage right dressed as a witch.
Baker: It is I, Dr. Britt Baker, DMD … or rather, DMDVV, for VVitch! And I am here to cast an evil spell on Kane.
Baker: Wingardium Leviosa!
Baker: (sighing) Joey, give him the cards.
Joe Anoa’i: (handing Kane the cards) You call me Joey again, we gonna have a problem.
Kane reads the cards.
Kane: Oh no. My body. I’m changing.
Kane steps off camera. There is a long pause. Kane steps back in as Dr. Isaac Yankem, still holding the cards.
Yankem: I have a urge. An urge to yank ‘em. Big Money Kofi Kingston, I am going to yank you so hard, over and over, until you can’t stand it anymore.
Baker: (takes the cue cards) Let’s … let’s just call it here.
Kofi: Hey, why you gotta cut it before my big line?
Anoa’i: What, pray tell, was your big line?
Kingston: (looks down at his cards) Ay mon, ain’t nobody telling yanking Big Money Kofi Kingston unless you got the money for it!
Baker: Okay, goodbye, cut.