[Cliffsnotes]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE



NOVELTY WRESTLING ALLIANCE (NWA), the greatest sports entertainment and combat federation in the Tri-State Area, is pleased to announce the following acquisitions, in full. This includes the contracts of all current wrestlers, managers, & announcers, as well as titles & trophies, and the current television shows and TV contracts.



NOVELTY WRESTLING ALLIANCE has purchased all assets of SUPER HEAVY AMERICAN MEN (SHAM) from SHAMROCK MEATS, INC.

We are excited to welcome the wonderfully large gentlemen and their large SHAMROCK MEATS robes from this federation.  MEATY MEN include Keith Lee, King Kong Bundy, Rikishi, The Godfather, Bam Bam Bigelow, self proclaimed “World Champion of the Pre-Show” Baron Corbin, and the current MEAT CHAMP, Vader.

This acquisition includes the Highly Rated TV Show, BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN MEAT, which appears on Tuesday nights on Channel 62. The team of Damien Sandow and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan continue as announcers, and Heenan will also continue his managerial duties. “Cowboy Bob Orton” returns as the popular Ring Enforcer.

And of course, we are excited to acquire the second greatest trophy in all of sports, the championship trophy of BIG MEATY MEN SLAPPIN MEAT, the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer.




Intern Kyle with the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer.


NOVELTY WRESTLING has also purchased all assets of YOUNG LADIES WRESTLING AUTHORITY (YLWA).

We are excited to welcome the lovely and talented lady wrestlers from this federation, including current champion Becky Lynch, Liv Morgan, AJ Lee, Tay Conti, and Toni Storm.

Popular Announcers Renee Young and Sammy Guevara are also part of the acquisition, as is the popular Friday night television show LATE NIGHT YOUNG LADIES.  



NOVELTY WRESTLING will be making further announcements in the next few days, as we REBRAND our growing company, and announce some exciting new FREE AGENT SIGNINGS!



******



NOVELTY WRESTLING is the number one wrestling show in 12 states, based on estimated paid attendance figures.

Our World Famous Talent includes Big E, Maxwell Jacob Friedman (MJF), Xavier Woods, Rob Van Dam (RVD), Will Ospreay, George “The Animal” Steele, Danhausen, Shayna Baszler, current Men’s Champion The Honky Tonk Man, and current Women’s champion, Thunder Rosa.

Jim Ross and Paul Heyman are the award winning announce team, and Heyman is also the Interim General Manager.

THE WAR NOVEL airs on Thursday nights on WOLF SPORTS NETWORK.

[Cliffsnotes]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


NOVELTY WRESTLING ALLIANCE (NWA), after acquiring the assets of SUPER HEAVY AMERICAN MEN (SHAM) from SHAMROCK MEATS, INC. and also acquiring the assets of YOUNG LADIES WRESTLING AUTHORITY (YLWA), is pleased to announce that we are rebranding our new and growing company, which will pay tribute to the long and sordid histories of all three companies.

Our company will be maintaining the wild youth of our YOUNG adults.

We will honor our proud AMERICAN heritage.

We will present athleticism and WRESTLING at its finest.

And we are committed to storytelling that rivals the greatest films and NOVELS.

We are now:

The YOUNG AMERICAN WRESTLING NOVEL (YAWN)

[Cliffsnotes]

The YOUNG AMERICAN WRESTLING NOVEL (YAWN) Announcements!

We are proud to announce that our first Pay Per View Special Event will be called NEW BEGINNINGS.

With the merger of three companies, we will be making the following changes to our three announce teams:

The announce team from SUPER HEAVY AMERICAN MEN (SHAM) have accepted new assignments.

Former Color Commentator Bobby "The Brain" Heenan will shift full time into Managing Wrestlers.

Former Play By Play Commentator Damien Sandow will be providing interviews backstage and in-ring, and appearing on the Pre-Show and Post-Show Panels. He claims to be exploring other opportunities within YAWN as well.

The announce team from YOUNG LADIES WRESTLING AUTHORITY (YLWA) also have accepted new assignments.

Former Color Commentator Sammy Guevara has healed from his latest injury, and will be retiring from the media. Sammy is excited to announce that he will soon be making his return to Active Wrestling in the YAWN Men's Division.

Former Play By Play Commentator Renee Young will be transitioning into the new role of the permanent Lead Color Commentator for all Pay Per Views and Special Events. Renee will also be providing interviews backstage and in-ring, appearing on the Pre-Show Panel, and hosting the Post-Show Panel.

Our Final Announce Team, from NOVELTY WRESTLING ALLIANCE (NWA), will be performing the following assignments:

Jim Ross will continue as our Lead Play By Play Commentator, and also continue as a Talent Scout.

Former Color Commentator Paul Heyman will occasionally appear as a Guest Announcer. He will also be relinquishing his Interim General Manager responsibilities at the conclusion of our NEW BEGINNINGS event. He will now focus on his Advocacy for Wrestlers, and he will regularly stop by the Pre-Show and Post-Show Panels.

Finally, we are pleased to announce an incredible FREE AGENCY SIGNING.

Please welcome Gene Okerlund to the YAWN team!  Mean Gene will usually be found sitting in with JR and Renee on Commentary, unless a Guest Announcer is assigned to the Match.  Otherwise, Mean Gene will be found providing Backstage and In-Ring Interviews, and hosting the Pre-Show Panel.

More YAWN announcements to follow!

[Cliffsnotes]

RENEE YOUNG: Let me welcome in my former announcing partner at YLWA, the recently engaged, and soon to be competing, SAMMY GUEVARA. Sammy, what is your timeline for competing again?

SAMMY GUEVARA: Yeah, the docs say I will be cleared for competition right after the NEW BEGINNINGS event, so I’m excited to get back in the ring in the Men’s Division.

But right now, I’m focused on supporting my beautiful fiancée AJ Lee. I will be ringside at NEW BEGINNINGS with AJ and Nia as they make history! They are going to win the first Tag Team match in YAWN history over Tay Conti and Liv Morgan.

RENEE YOUNG: Thanks Sammy and Congratulations to you and AJ and best wishes on your eternal love! Over to you Gene.

MEAN GENE OKERLUND: Thank you Renee, and it is a pleasure to be working alongside you. I’m here with Becky Lynch, the current YWLA Ladies Champion. At NEW BEGINNINGS, Becky will be competing in the Ladies Title Unification Match with NWA Champion Thunder Rosa. Becky, are you excited about competing with the women from NWA?

BECKY LYNCH: “So, I wish I could yes, but unfortunately, I don’t think they’re represented the way that we are. They don’t get as much time as we get, and frankly, they’re not as good as we are. Certainly on YWLA, we have the best women’s division in the world, in the world. I say that without any hesitation in my voice, we have the best women’s division in the world.

“Competition is great, and it’s great for there to be another place, and I have a very good friend in Mae Young over there. I would love to see her as a champion one day. I would love to see her getting the spotlight that she deserves. Competition is always great, but over here we are on another level right now, man, we are on another level.”

MEAN GENE: Thanks Becky. Over to you Renee.

RENEE YOUNG: Thanks Mean Gene. And I have some breaking news to share about our first ever YAWN PPV NEW BEGINNINGS.

The Main Event at NEW BEGINNINGS will be the Ladies Title Unification Match between Becky Lynch and Thunder Rosa!

[Cliffsnotes]

KEITH LEE: There's some very talented people here, and there are some very important and large names here. So doing battle with them is clearly a goal. And I think that it would create some very special moments and matches and violence for people to enjoy.

Then there's my own personal wish to go somewhere and not be chosen as the guy and always earn my way and prove that I am world championship-worthy. And I intend to do the same thing here.

MEAN GENE: Very Important and Large Names, indeed. And also a large body. No, I'm not talking about the young sensation Keith Lee. I'm talking about his opponent at NEW BEGINNINGS.

That's right folks, I'm here to announce that the Opening Match at NEW BEGINNINGS is going to be a big one! I feel sorry for the other performers that will be following this match.

Your first ever YAWN match at the NEW BEGINNINGS pay per view will be:

Keith Lee vs Bam Bam Bigelow!

[Cliffsnotes]

Young American Wrestling Novel proudly presents:  The Full YAWN roster!

MEAT DIVISION
Current MEAT Champion (and holder of the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer): Vader
Big E
Bam Bam Bigelow
Keith Lee
Rikishi
George “The Animal” Steele
King Kong Bundy
Papa Shango
Killer Kowalski
Sgt Slaughter
Butterbean
Shad Gaspard
Kamala The Ugandan Giant

MENS DIVISION
Current MENS Champion: Honky Tonk Man
Maxwell Jacob Friedman
Xavier Woods
Rob Van Dam
Will Ospreay
Sammy Guevara
Baron Corbin
Damien Sandow
Danhausen
Cowboy Bob Orton
Bo Dallas
Val Venis

LADIES DIVISION
Current LADIES Champion (YLWA): Becky Lynch
Current WOMENS Chamion (NWA): Thunder Rosa
AJ Lee
Toni Storm
Shayna Baszler
Liv Morgan
Tay Conti
Nia Jax
Jazz
Lacey Evans
Mae Young
Marina Shafir

ADDITIONAL TALENT (Not yet cleared to wrestle)
Gable Steveson
Paige VanZant

MANAGERS
Paul Heyman
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

ANNOUNCERS
Jim Ross
Renee Young
“Mean” Gene Okerlund

[Cliffsnotes]

RESULTS from YAWN’s first NOVEL: NEW BEGINNINGS

PROLOGUE:
Sgt Slaughter defeats Baron Corbin via pinfall (6:05)

CHAPTER 1: A Young Man Tests His Limits
Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Paul Heyman) defeats Keith Lee via pinfall (12:14).

Mid-Match, Gable Steveson comes to the ring and stares down Keith Lee. Lee is slightly distracted, and caught from behind by Bam Bam Bigelow. Heyman, Bigelow, and Steveson leave celebrating together.

CHAPTER 2: What Are You Smoking To Ask To Follow That Match?
Rob Van Dam (w/Paul Heyman) defeats Will Ospreay via pinfall (9:18)

CHAPTER 3: The MJF Courtship Part I
Renee Young interviews Bobby Heenan, who claims that he can offer MJF the Family that has been missing from his adult life, and to keep an eye on the Championship Matches later tonight featuring the Heenan Family.

CHAPTER 4: The Brutal Ladies
Shayna Baszler vs Jazz ends in a Double Count-Out after Jazz spears Shayna into a barricade, knocking out both women as they lay on top of each other in a bloody mess. (8:37)

CHAPTER 5: Battle Of The Bands
Men’s Division Championship Match
Xavier Woods (Challenger) defeats Honky Tonk Man (Champion) via pinfall and is the NEW Men’s Division Champion (14:02)

Post-Match, Bobby Heenan hands a guitar to the Honky Tonk Man, who then smashes the guitar over Xavier Woods head. Lacey Evans steals Lucille (Xavier Woods trombone) and runs backstage!

CHAPTER 6: The MJF Courtship Part II
Paul Heyman educates Mean Gene Okerlund and the crowd on the value of Paul Heyman as an advisor.

CHAPTER 7: The Meat Locker
Meat Division #1 Contenders Match
King Kong Bundy pins Butterbean and is the new MEAT DIVISION #1 CONTENDER. (10:43)

George “The Animal” Steele and Kamala spend most of the match in a corner, gnawing on the same slab of meat and grunting at each other. Bundy and Shango have a nominal partnership against Rikishi and Butterbean. In the end, Rikishi is thrown into the corner, which disturbs Steele and Kamala, who then attack Rikishi and occupy him. Shango knocks down Butterbean, is about to cover, when Bundy steals the pin.

CHAPTER 8: VERY EVIL.
Shad Gaspard is interrupted by Danhausen! Danhausen proceeds to cajole Shad with the threat of a curse! In the end, Shad Gaspard decides to join Danhausen as his Money Man! As they exit, AJ Lee and Sammy Guevara pass by, and Sammy is clearly shaken by Danhausen’s evil presence! Lacey Evans passes by and calls Danhausen and Shad Gaspard “Nasties”

CHAPTER 9: Another Courtship?
Tay Conti and Liv Morgan defeat Nia Jax & AJ Lee (w/Sammy Guevara) via Liv pinning AJ. (6:14)

Throughout the match, Special Guest Narrator Bo Dallas and Special Guest Referee Val Venis both give extra attention to Liv Morgan.

Mid-match, AJ Lee and Liv Morgan are in the ring. Sammy Guevara wanders away from his fiancée AJ Lee’s corner and puts his arm around Tay Conti and they kiss! AJ is shocked and distracted. Liv Morgan is also shocked but takes advantage and rolls up AJ for the win. Post-Match AJ throws a fit and is screaming at Sammy and Tay. Nia Jax attempts to console AJ but AJ shoves Nia and blames her and strikes at Nia. Nia leaves AJ, the partnership seemingly over. AJ is left in the ring humiliated and angry.

CHAPTER 10: The Decision
Damien Sandow welcomes MJF into the Ring. Paul Heyman and Bobby Heenan come out to the top of the ramp.

MJF thanks Paul Heyman for his interest, but he is insulted that Paul would believe that MJF needs counsel. Bobby Heenan begins to celebrate, and MJF admonishes Bobby, as MJF would never join his cast of buffoons and third-rate performers. MJF will hand select every single person that is worthy of his association.

MJF talks about idolizing Rowdy Roddy Piper, and that Piper was the reason MJF got into Professional Wrestling. And while MJF has now surpassed Piper, there is one thing that Piper got right. At that moment, Cowboy Bob Orton walks down the ramp, bumping both Heyman and Heenan out of the way. Orton has a fresh cast on his left arm. He enters the ring, and positions himself behind MJF’s right shoulder. Both MJF and Orton have an evil smirk. And MJF explains that as the MEAT DIVISION enforcer Orton is the perfect man to have his back, as Cowboy Bob Orton has graduated upwards from Piper to MJF.

MJF continues!  He turns and stares at Damien Sandow. Sandow flips his mic over his shoulder in the direction of the announce table and walks behind MJF’s left shoulder. And puts on a pair of sunglasses. MJF states that having an intelligent, well-spoken Stunt Double is another crucial part of his entourage.

And finally, MJF introduces Jazz to his entourage, stating that he and Jazz will both be holding gold very soon.

CHAPTER 11: The Battle for the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer
Meat Division Championship Match
Big E (Challenger) defeats Vader (Champ) (w/Paul Heyman) via pinfall and is the NEW MEAT DIVISION Champion and owner of the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer. (14:59)

Mid-Match, Bare-Knuckle Boxing Star and Fitness Model Paige VanZant comes to the ring. Paul Heyman, Big E, and Vader all notice. VanZant smiles and walks over to Heyman, starts talking to him, and starts cheering for Vader.  Vader takes control of the match, and with Big E down, wanders over to VanZant in his corner. VanZant shocks the world by punching Vader in the nose, stunning him! Big E takes advantage and covers Vader for the win. VanZant is already halfway up the ramp and doesn’t look back as Big E celebrates his victory, and begins twerking and humping The Ridiculously Oversized Meat tenderizer. Vader starts arguing with a clearly confused Paul Heyman. VanZant is greeted at the top of the ramp by Bobby Heenan.

CHAPTER 12: There Can Be Only One
Ladies Division Title Unification
Becky Lynch (YLWA Champ) defeats Thunder Rosa (NWA Champ) via submission (Dis-Arm-Her). Becky is STILL the YLWA Champ and is the NEW NWA CHAMP. (15:87)

Post-Match, Becky is carrying two belts.  Toni Storm stands up from the announce table and begins a stare down with Becky. Becky is proudly displaying her belts for Toni, when Shayna Baszler sneaks up behind Becky and knocks her out!

EPILOGUE:
Jim Ross announces that YAWN Ownership has selected the new permanent YAWN General Manager.

AJ Lee’s music hits! AJ skips out onto the Ramp with glee, before she stops, and shares a focused, angry stare as the camera fades out.

Post Show Panel: 

Big E is celebrating his big win.  Xavier Woods interrupts and the new champions congratulate each other, although, Woods is  still suffering from his head shot.  Big E quickly excuses himself to go visit with Becky Lynch's mom.  Woods begins a rant on the theft of his precious trombone, Lucille.

[Cliffsnotes]

AJ Lee is sitting in a rocking chair in front of a full length mirror.

“There will be Consequences!”

“I know you Sammy. I know your strengths and weaknesses and loves and fears. And I know what scares you more than anything! The supernatural! Goblins, Gremlins, Dark Magic… and Evil. Ver Evil. Oh Sammy, your biggest nightmare will be your consequence!”

“And Tay Conti. You locked lips with my fiancée and humiliated me. And now I’m going to tie you up and watch you try to escape from a brutal enemy!”

Nia Jax! How dare you abandon me!

<pause> <deep breath>

Nia abandoned her partner, so now she shall be abandoned as well!

Ha!

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha.

And I haven’t forgotten about you, Liv!

Mean Gene Okerlund: “Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some Breaking News. Nia Jax is no longer competing in the YAWN Ladies Division. This Sunday, Nia Jax will have her first match in the MEAT Division versus… George “The Animal” Steele!

Also, we can confirm that after winning the #1 Contenders Match, King Kong Bundy will challenge Big E for The Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer.

[Cliffsnotes]

Mean Gene Okerlund: “YAWN has announced that our next Pay Per View will be titled “CONSEQUENCES”. We now welcome the MEAT division Champion, Big E”

Big E: AWWWWWWWW YAWN! It is great to be holding the Ridiculously Oversized Meat Tenderizer! And I am looking forward to fighting King Kong Bundy at CONSEQUE-.

Becky Lynch walks in holding two belts – The NWA Womens Title and the YLWA Ladies Title.

Becky Lynch: “Call me “Becky Two Belts”. Which is two belts more than Paul Heyman’s advocates currently own. And the math will remain the same on Sunday, when I put Toni Storm on her back and pin her.”

Paul’s client Shayna Baszler cowardly attacked me from behind, while his other client Toni Storm stared me down. So, the consequences are that I will take out my anger on Toni.”

Becky walks off.

Big E: “Tell your mom I said Hi”

Mean Gene Okerlund: “Becky’s mom?

Big E: “Mmmmmmmmmm yeah”

[Cliffsnotes]

Danhausen is speaking to someone off-camera.

Danhausen: "I am the master of evil. I require a little bit of the soul of everyone in the audience to grow my power. And what I have learned is that the most Evil creatures in our lifetime, the thing that has enraptured young minds and falsely enraged the older minds with temptation, are the most popular items found in Rap Music in the 1990s!

I have gained access to the first item on my list which is Money, as Shad Gaspard providing me with access to money for my Very Evil plans.

And now, you. You will shed your weird magic powers, and transform yourself. You will do my bidding, and gain me access to the second item on my list of Rap Music in the 1990s!

The camera pans over...

[Cliffsnotes]

[The Jewish Cunthead]

May 26, 2022 12:35:25 GMT -5 Cliffsnotes said:

This doesn’t look easy.

[Cliffsnotes]

RESULTS of CONSEQUENCES: A THREE ACT PERFORMANCE


PROLOGUE:
Hillbilly Jim pins Baron Corbin (2:12)

ACT I – MANAGING CONSEQUENCES

CHAPTER 1: A Partnership?
Shad Gaspard and Godfather defeat Sgt Slaughter (w/Bobby Heenan) and Bam Bam Bigelow (w/Paul Heyman). Heenan and Heyman were arguing throughout the match. Endgame sees Godfather and Slaughter both down in the ring, slowly crawling towards their respective corners. Bam Bam Bigelow was arguing with Bobby Heenan and wasn't available for the tag from Slaughter. Hot tag to Shad Gaspard for the quick Pinfall on Slaughter. (7:09)

CHAPTER 2: So… not a partnership then.
Kamala (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs Rikishi (w/Paul Heyman) ends in a double countout. (3:18)

CHAPTER 3: Big E's first Meat Slappin’ of the evening
Meat Division Championship Match
Big E pins King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) and is STILL Champion. Outside Enforcer Gable Steveson breaks up a brawl outside the ring and tries to get the fight back into the ring. Bundy doesn't appreciate it, and gives Steveson extra shoves, which allows Big E to take advantage. (9:15)

CHAPTER 4: A Storm Comin’ In
YAWN Ladies Division Championship Match
Becky “Two Belts” Lynch pins Toni Storm and is STILL Champion. Shayna Baszler came ringside to distract Becky Lynch, and Outside Enforcer Paige VanZant responds by punching Baszler in the jaw and knocking her out. VanZant taunts Toni Storm and Paul Heyman. Storm attacks VanZant, Lynch takes advantage and pins Storm. (12:12)

Post-Match Heenan and Heyman are separated by YAWN Security

ACT II – AJ’s CONSEQUENCES

CHAPTER 5: Consequence: The First
1-vs-3 Handicap Match
AJ Lee pins Liv Morgan and celebrates by skipping around the ring. Baszler is on the apron but never tags in, clearly hurting from Paige VanZant's punch. Marina Shafir and AJ Lee work well together. Special Guest Referee Val Venis showed favoritism to Liv Morgan during the match. Post match AJ Lee voices her displeasure and appears to threaten Venis. Special Guest Narrator Bo Dallas sneaks past Venis and aids Liv Morgan out of the ring and up the ramp. Venis finally notices and is upset.

CHAPTER 6: Consequence: The Second
George "The Animal" Steele wins via disqualification after Nia Jax hits The Animal with a giant Stop Sign. (4:16)

CHAPTER 7: Consequence: The Third
Danhausen pins Sammy Guevara after a Very Evil curse (2:53)

CHAPTER 8: Consequence: The Fourth
Texas Bullrope Match
Jazz wins via submission (strangulation) over Tay Conti (5:15) Post Match, Special Guest Narrator and General Manager AJ Lee stands over Tay Conti's body and poses.


ACT III – CONTENDERS AND THE FINAL CONSEQUENCE

CHAPTER 9: Honestly, no idea why our GM is still out here for this one.
MEAT Division #1 Contenders Match
Keith Lee pins Vader. Special Guest Narrator and General Manager AJ Lee spends most of the match talking about her new crush, Keith Lee. Endgame is AJ Lee climbing onto the apron and arguing with the ref. Cowboy Bob Orton strikes Vader with his Cast, knocking him out. Keith Lee is confused and disappointed, but slowly covers Vader for the pin. (10:12)

CHAPTER 10: Consequence: Creed
Mean Gene Okerlund interviews a furious Xavier Woods, who explains that he know a few things about Consequences.

CHAPTER 11: Three Letter Chants are all we can trust our crowd to not screw up
Men's Division #1 Contenders Match
MJF pins RVD. (11:15)

CHAPTER 12: Man vs Meat
Butterbean pins Will Ospreay (7:02)

CHAPTER 13: The Final Consequence
Men’s Division Championship Match
Winner Takes All – Title vs Trombone
Xavier Woods pins Honky Tonk Man and is STILL CHAMPION and Lucille is returned to him. Lacey Evans and Bobby Heenan wandered over towards Lucille early in the match, and the referee bans Evans and Heenan from ringside! Woods wins the Back and Forth Match via pinfall. Big E comes down the ramp and grabs Lucille, and hands it to Woods to celebrate. Confetti everywhere.


EPILOGUE: AJ Lee makes an announcement! AJ is tired of all of the managerial fighting. Our Next Pay Per View will be headlined by a WAR GAMES Match between the Heenan Family and Heyman's Guys.

[Cliffsnotes]

RENEE YOUNG: "Our General Manager AJ Lee has already announced the Main Event of our next Pay Per View: A War Games Match between Bobby Heenan and Paul Heyman and their respective clients. We just saw both Bobby Heenan and Paul Heyman walk into a closed door meeting with YAWN General Manager AJ Lee. I'll be waiting outside the office as long as it takes until I can share som-"

Office Door opens. Heyman and Heenan are scurrying out. A vase is thrown from inside the room and smashes above the heads of the managers.

AJ LEE: (yelling) "UNSTABLE? UNSTABLE? I'LL SHOW YOU UNSTABLE!" AJ sees Renee and instantly changes her mood and smiles.

"Renee! I love your dress! How are you?"

RENEE YOUNG: "AJ, I'm great, thanks. Can you share anything regarding your meeting with Paul and Bobby"

AJ LEE: "Well, of course. Anything for you! As you know, we have a WAR GAMES Match between those two gentlemen. But I am adding some fun stipulations!" (AJ claps hands excitedly)

"Both Managers are going to be barred from ringside! They will each be on opposite ends of the ramp. They can watch, but they can't manage! We are going to have cameras on them to get every painful reaction! ISNT THAT GREAT!

"Also, whoever loses is banned from managing! I'll make them an announcer or narrator or something. IDK. But don't worry Renee! You are my favorite Play By Play analyst. I'll just put Bobby or Paul on the other side of JR as the second Play By Play analyst!

RENEE YOUNG: "AJ, those are some very serious stipulations!"

AJ LEE: "I know! Right! And OHMYGOSH the best part is that the losing manager will literally be UNSTABLE! Because he will no longer have a STABLE! I'm so brilliant! Our next event will be titled UNSTABLE! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

(AJ skips off down the hall)

[Cliffsnotes]

Danhausen is speaking to someone off-camera.

Danhausen: "I know you already have a match booked at UNSTABLE. I am saying that after that match you will be joining me. No! Not on a date! You will be serving me! I am the master of Evil.

You are really having a difficult time understanding the curse I am putting on you!

Let me slow this down. I require a little bit of the soul of everyone in the audience to grow my power. And what I have learned is that the most Evil creatures in our lifetime, the thing that has enraptured young minds and falsely enraged the older minds with temptation, are the most popular items found in Rap Music in the 1990s!

I have gained access to Money! I have gained access to scantily clad gyrating women! And now, you will provid-"

(A large cloud of smoke is blown in Danhausen's face)

A Voice Offstage: "Just go to my website, bro"

[Cliffsnotes]

RESULTS!

YAWN presents our third NOVEL:

UNSTAbLE


PROLOGUE:
George "The Animal" Steele pins Baron Corbin (5:18)

INTRODUCTION 1: Mean Gene Okerlund with MJF
INTRODUCTION 2: Renee Young with Xavier Woods

CHAPTER 1: Pretty Much Writes Itself
Shad Gaspard & The Godfather defeat Bo Dallas & Val Venis (7:18)  Bo Dallas and Val Venis are not on the same page.  End game see Val Venis aggressively flirting with Liv Morgan.  Bo Dallas off the top rope takes him out, throws Venis into the ring for the pin.  Liv leaves the ring by herself, but smiling at Bo Dallas.  Godfather distracts Venis with his Ho Train.

CHAPTER 2: Unexpected
Will Ospreay pins Danhausen (3:58) and sees a heel turn with a post match beat down.  Shad Gaspard and Godfather with the late rescue.

CHAPTER 3: War Cry!
Mean Gene Okerlund is in the Heenan Family Locker Room for a rousing speech!

CHAPTER 4: Uncontrollable
Ladies Division Championship Match
Becky Lynch submits Jazz and is STILL Champ (18:31).  An extended back and forth affair is the longest singles match in YAWN history.

CHAPTER 5: Nothing left to say
Men’s Division Championship Match
MJF pins Xavier Woods and is your NEW Men's Champion (13:51) Damien Sandow with some interference

CHAPTER 6: A Faction Name Change!
Renee Young is in the “Clients of Paul Heyman” Locker Room sponsored by rvdcbd.com as Paul Heyman begins to speak to his team.  Paul Heyman renames his Faction to "The Dangerous Alliance"

CHAPTER 7: It Doesn’t Matter How You Get Here… Or Does It?
Meat Division Championship Match
Big E wins as Keith Lee leaves the ring and walks up the ramp (11:17) General Manager AJ Lee has been trying to give Keith Lee as many breaks as possible, including the fact that Keith won't have to change his last name when they get married.  Keith Lee wants to earn everything he gets and not have anything handed to him.  Referee was making short counts that Big E kept kicking out.  AJ was trying to pass weapons to Keith Lee but he wouldn't use them.  Finally, Cowboy Bob Orton came to the ring and knocked out Big E with his cast.  Keith Lee see it, and refuses to pin Big E, and walks up the ramp.  AJ is confused then angry then sad an pleading for Keith Lee to return.

CHAPTERS 8-14: Stable War
WAR GAMES MATCH

The Dangerous Alliance defeats The Heenan Family (28:14)

Of note:

Gable Steveson took out Kamala on the ramp.  Paige Van Zant responds by knocking out Gable Steveson!

King Kong Bundy crushed ribs of RVD, with RVD removed from match due to medical decision.  

End Game saw Vader shove his teammate Bam Bam Bigelow out of the way to get the victorious pin on King Kong Bundy. Bobby Heenan and the Heenan family are devastated. 

Post Match, Dangerous Alliance turns on each other and argue with each other and Heyman over who gets the Championship match. Vader and Bigelow need to be separated. Heenan Family recovers and begins a beatdown on the Heyman family, Vader leaves and watches his teammates beaten down... including the Honky Tonk Man taking a guitar and smashing it on Paul Heyman.   Heenan Family surveys the damage with satisfaction. 

[Cliffsnotes]

8:23 pm Breaking News~ Paige VanZant has been cleared to Wrestle!

8:24 pm YAWN announces that due to blatant financial and mail fraud by interim General Manager Paul Heyman, as well as embezzlement and mismanagement by General Manager AJ Lee, YAWN has declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Who the hell put those two in charge of the financials?