[The Canadian Content]

Sergei's Guardians of the Universe: The Thing, Daredevil, Vance Astro, Phantom Stranger, Canonball, Captain Marvel Jr.

BTR's All-American and the Canadian Rejects: Guardian, Puck, Northstar, Sasquatch, Vindicator, All-American

Vote up, bitches. Poll closes Wednesday at 4:30 Eastern.

[Batman]

So, they've asked me to tell you a little about my new team, the Guardians of the Universe--'cheez what a cheesy name! We should call ourselves "the Lost-in-Space Six." When the six of us found ourselves zapped by the Surge to a planet none of us had even heard of in the armpit of the universe, we were glad we had Astro and his starship the Odysseus III amongst us.

But Astro isn't sure where we are, or which way to Earth, or if we are even in a Universe that has an "Earth," much less if it's the one me and Hornhead are from, or the slightly different one that Vance is from, or the really different one that Freddy's from. I don't know if Stranger's actually from any particular universe--who knows with that guy?

But he claims that we aren't just stranded refugees, but that we are out here together in the great beyond for some higher purpose--that we're destined to save the universe.

Again. I save the universe about as often as I change my socks.

Just wish I knew which universe I was savin'.

VANCE ASTRO Astro and me have got a lot in common: both Jewish, both pilots and astronauts, both horribly disfigured by an accident in space. Not to get maudlin or nothin'. Astro spent over a thousand years in suspended animation tryin' to be the first man to make an interstellar flight. And when he woke up with his skin all messed up and needing that suit to stay alive, people had got there ahead of him, because they had figured out FTL in the meantime. Ain't that a bitch? He discovered that he had the ability to project psychokinetic blasts, and became the leader of a 31st century superhero team. One time when his team were time-travelling back to the 20th Century, he warned his younger self about the accident that would happen to him if he went into the space program, and meeting him brought out the younger Vance Astrovik's powers. I got to know the kid Vance real well when we were both on the pro-wrestling circuit for a while. Good kid. It's easy to forget that Astro ain't a kid no more, never was that kid exactly. But he still has a bad case of hero-worship of those of us from what he calls the "Age of Heroes." He even went on a quest to recover the legendary shield of Captain America, like it was Excalibur or somethin'. Found it too. The shield is made of a unique Vibranium alloy that can absorb any impact, and ricochet pretty much endlessly without losing momentum, which makes it mighty handy in a fight. Astro works really hard on his hand-to-hand skills so he can be "worthy to wield the Captain's shield," as he puts it. 'Cause of his experience with leading a team, and with outer-space hoo-has like this, we look to him for leadership, but he's also pretty awed by us. He turns to me for guidance and moral support. Being respected by the leader of your team--it's a nice change.

The THING Well, that's me, Benjamin J. Grimm, idol of millions, your ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing. What you see is what you get. As strong and indestructible as I am handsome. Did I mention how I save the universe as often as I change my socks? I'm not actually wearing any socks....

The PHANTOM STRANGER And then there's this guy. Who knows about him? "He's just a Stranger," he says. No one knows who he really is or where he comes from. He wasn't really stranded with the rest of us, he just popped up on the Odysseus III one day. In the middle of interstellar space! Started callin' us "Guardians of the Universe" and handin' us a line of guff about how we were the destined few that would save the universe from some coming threat. Personally, that makes me real suspicious. Maybe he's responsible for us being lost out here, 'cause it's where he thinks we need to be? Sounds like somebody I know real well. But he says we're in the right place at the right time (though he won't say why it's the right place and time) by accident, even if he thinks it's a happy accident. Says that he has no need to manipulate us or lie to us, since if we hadn't found ourselves here by destiny or whatever, and if he had asked us we would all've volunteered, 'cause we're heroes. Might have a point there. Anyhow, he's annoying, you never know when or where he'll pop up, he talks in riddles, keeps secrets, and I have no idea just what he's capable of--seems to depend on the situation. Damn glad to have him around in spite of all of that.

CANNONBALL Sam Guthrie's the kid of the team. Not the youngest, actually, but the most inexperienced. He was just out of high school when he became the man of the house--a big, poor Appalachian family--because his pop died. He went to work in the coal mines, but then his dormant power came out to allow him to save himself and another miner when they were about to be crushed by a cave-in. So then he ended up at Xavier's school. He's been in a few adventures since then, but he's still mighty green. He can't control his powers real well. "Cannonball" is a real appropriate code-name. He flies through the air, he knocks down whatever he hits, and he don't make mid-air turns. But he's a real bright kid and he picks things up fast. He misses his friends and family, but he's a lifelong science fiction reader, so this whole she-bang is kind of a dream come true for him. Astro says that he'll be just as much a legend as the rest of us in the 31st Century, but I've got to remember--Astro's 31st Century isn't our future. Sam'll probably grow into the hero that Astro read about in his history discs. But only if he survives.

DAREDEVIL Ol' Hornhead is the fish out of water in our bunch. As he's pointed out more than once, he's more the guy that you call on to take care of purse-snatchers or pickpockets, not cosmic threats. But the Stranger insists that every one of us will be essential to take on whatever it is that we have to take on, and Deedee as much as anybody--maybe more. That doesn't surprise me. And not just because of his hand-to-hand skills. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have somebody you can count on to mop up any number of henchmen and goons when your heavy hitters are tied up with their heavy hitters. But the primary thing that Daredevil brings to the table is plain, old-fashioned guts. Let me tell you, Namor once told me that Daredevil was the most valorous opponent he'd ever fought. And did not qualify that by saying "for a surface dweller." Prince Namor! The most pig-headed arrogant bastard I ever met. (And I know both Reed Richards and Doctor Doom.) Not that he ain't a great fighter. It's a toss-up between him and Captain America as to who's the greatest hand-to-hand fighter I ever saw. Which works out nice for Astro--he's gettin' lessons to try an' become more worthy of the shield. Deedee says he needs to quit relying on his psychokinetic blasts in a scrap if he ever wants to reach his potential on using that shield. And if anybody would know about overcoming an obstacle to reach your full potential, it's him. Y'see, I know his secret. I'm one of the few who've guessed. Daredevil is blind. Oh, he can tell where objects are and how fast they're movin'--some kinda sixth sense. But whether the lights are on or off? He has no way of knowin'. Besides, only a blind man would wear that yellow-an'-red costume he wore at first. Y'see what I mean about guts? A blind man who jumps from rooftop to rooftop to get around? Mainly 'cause it's more fun than takin' the subway? That's guts.

CAPTAIN MARVEL, Jr. Freddy Freeman has got to be just about the weirdest--and most amazing--kid I ever met. Where I come from, if a kid has superpowers there are older superheroes around to watch out for him. But where Junior comes from, his Marvel Family are pretty much the only super-powered people on Earth--that are good guys, anyhow. And the other two are just as young as he is! The three of them have been the only thing standing in the way of superhuman Nazis and genius caterpillars and such for years. But to him, it's no big deal. Admittedly, he's powerful. He looks like a shrimpy kid, but he's at least as strong as Thor or Adam Warlock. Which is sayin' somethin'. But inside he's just a regular, fun-lovin' kid. When he says his magic words, "Captain Marvel" he changes back to his normal self. (Which makes it mighty tough for him to introduce himself. Not normally an issue, since he's the second-most famous person in the world where he's from.) Freddy looks just like Junior, but his Marvel uniform changes ta regular clothes, and he loses his powers... and needs crutches to walk. Apparently, he got his powers and limp at the same time. A super-powered bad guy who was fighting Captain Marvel killed his uncle and hurt him, and the Captain shared his powers with him in order to save his life, but he still limps when he isn't transformed. I think I'd stay Junior all the time if I was him, but he usually stays Freddy when he isn't needed--just enjoys the chance to be a regular kid, limp and all.

Maybe we should be called "the Walking Wounded." We've got the blind, the halt, the "boy in the bubble," the cussedly ugly, and... I don't know, what should we say is wrong with the Stranger?... the weird. But we manage. And--apparently--we're going to save the Universe.

Wonder where everybody else ended up?

[Lucky]

The name/gimmick is awesome, Cory, but I can't not vote for the Thing and Daredevil when they're facing Alpha Flight and some dude I never heard of.

[BTR]

You could read all that above, sure. Or you could just know that the entire point of my team is to show how much better America is than Canada.

[Batman]

Honestly, BTR, I love your team concept. But there is one flaw: Having both Hudsons on the team is just Maple Leaf overkill. You should have picked one and then added Shaman or Snowbird.

I'd still vote for myelf, but it'd be a lot closer.

[Deleted]

Guardians of the Universe

[The Canadian Content]

I just don't see how a blind lawyer helps a space team. It makes no sense to me at all. I'm voting for BTR because Sergei wasted Daredevil.

[Lucky]

I admit, that's throwing me too and is probably going to be the downfall of the team next round. Serg's writeup even sort of comes off like a cop out. "Sure, he seems to make no sense but the mystical force with cryptic answers said he'll fit in somehow so.. uh yeah..." But for now even a weightless Daredevil can beat Alpha Flight.

[Batman]

Psychofish: Wait, that makes no sense. You have the exact same type of team and it has one character who is all hand-to-hand combat (Gamora.) As Ben points out in the write-up it's good to have someone who can mop up stooges when your heavy hitters are busy with their heavy hitters.

He can also be the guy to notice something important and follow up on it while the powerful characters are busy fighting.

[Lucky]

He's not wrong, Serg. Besides the fact that I have to assume the weightlessness of space would screw with Daredevil's senses. I mean, if we assume every fight happens on a space ship with the exact gravity of Earth I guess its fine but it certainly feels weird. And you acknowledged that enough to write it into your commentary.

Its not like a total waste but you gotta admit, Daredevil belongs on a different sort of team traditionally. I know you like to throw buck at conventions and do weird stuff but that one's a bit jarring.

But still. Fine against Alpha Flight.

[Batman]

I wasn't "addressing" it as a storytelling weakness. "Fish out of water" is a classic storytelling trope. And DD is a master of acrobatic hand-to-hand combat. Accustoming himself to doing this in a new environment would just be an awesome new challenge.

[Lucky]

I'll grant you it could work out well if they encounter a lot of space ninjas. But I just lack your confidence that this "fish out of water" story will work. And I'm not sure but I actually think I might dislike "fish out of water" stories.

[The Canadian Content]

Apr 13, 2009 10:14:52 GMT -5 Batman said:

Psychofish: Wait, that makes no sense. You have the exact same type of team and it has one character who is all hand-to-hand combat (Gamora.)

Yeah, but Gamora's an alien who's a member of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Daredevil rarely leaves Hell's Kitchen.

[Batman]

Don't super-teams always find themselves facing opposition that seems perfectly designed for them?

I know fish-out-of-water can be cloying. I guess the whole dynamic of this team really comes from this comic book that I read when I was a kid:



Where Thing fights Thanos and Spidey fights Thanos's goons (except with DD in place of Spidey) and then Spidey realizes that what they really need to do is X, (break open the Soul Gem, I think?) and fights through to get it done. The line something to the effect of "I'm more the guy you call if you need to catch a burglar or something" is lifted directly from here.

[Lucky]

I guess I could buy it if your team was a lot of muscle and not a lot of brains. But you have the natural leader in Astro, you have the mystic know-it-all in Stranger, and the experience of Thing (and IMO one of his most defining traits is that he's a LOT smarter than he lets on). Heck, you even have the wisdom of Solomon and some country wits.

I don't know. The only think Daredevil seems to really bring to the table especially unique is (a) top level fighting skills and (b) deductive reasoning. But neither are things I traditionally apply as major to cosmic teams. More for guys fighting gangs and ninja clans.

[salmonjunkie]

I like Guardians of the Universe. I'm just voting for The Rejects because they were brave enough to have a fag French Canadian in their ranks.

[Habs]

Apr 13, 2009 12:08:06 GMT -5 salmonjunkie said:

I like Guardians of the Universe. I'm just voting for The Rejects because they were brave enough to have a fag French Canadian in their ranks.

QUOI?