Born to Rassle: The Fed
Jun 27, 2009 16:26:14 GMT -5
Post by BTR on Jun 27, 2009 16:26:14 GMT -5
The Stone Cold Ultimate Real-American Jackhammer of a Wrestling Company
Note: my draft is going to end early since I'm doing wedding stuff, so I'm going to post the week one card here. I'll draft for a few more days but it won't be anything that really affects the storylines here. So I might be putting my card up early, I guess, but I want it out of the say. My plan is, win or lose the showdowns, to have a different, progressing card every week. So if you want to get to the inevitable conclusion, vote for me when the time comes! Heh heh heh.
Arnold: “Govahnah Ahnold Schwarzennegah here for thah Bahrn to Rahssle Federation. Today we ah gonna ahnounce the cahd for the inahgral event taking place very soon.”
Cole: Thank you Governor. I’m Michael Cole, and next to me is Lee Marshall, and welcome to the shortest running episodic fantasy wrestling federation in North American History.
Marshall: Shortest running and the best, Cole.
Cole: Indeed. Let’s get right to the big news: our federation is going to start off with a 15-team tag tournament, the winners of which will all of the surplus money California has in its state budget.
Arnold: Listen, girly-man, Cahleefornya is in bettah shape than those bumps on your ahrms. I think I gave birth to you in my hit comedy Juneyah
Cole: Okay, Governor. But seriously, the tag tournament is big business. It’ll springboard all the great matches we’ll have here in the BTR Federation. If you’ve been following the Intergalactic Wrestling Draft, you know we have the #1 promotion going, thanks to you in the BTR Universe.
Marshall: The fans had nothing to do with the draft, Cole.
Cole: Well, the teams have been put together by the usual backstage shenanigans. Let’s waste 30 minutes and bring them out to the ring to entrance music!
*The following teams make their way to the ring. There is a hat on a stool in the middle from which the matchups will be selected*
1. Hogan/Warrior
2. Goldberg/Austin
3. Yokozuna/Rikishi
4. D-Lo Brown/Chris Sabin (w/Ivory)
5. Billy Gunn/Buff Bagwell
6. Honky Tonk Man/The Artist (w/ Paisley)
7. Santino Marella/Eugene
8. Awesome Kong/Chyna
9. Sable/Luna
10. Cowboy Bob Orton/Cowboy Bill Watts
11. Hacksaw Jim Duggan/Patriot
12. Tugboat/Lenny Lane w/ Ralphus
13. Marc Mero/Scotty Riggs
14. Lodi/Reese
15. Johnny Estrada/Disgraceland
*After lots of posing and stuff from the peeps involved, Cole gets in the ring*
Cole: Here’s how the tournament works. We will *cough cough* randomly select each matchup. The first night will be a seven match card: 14 teams will wrestle, and 1 lucky team will get a bye and a surprise task, although they will advance to the second round no matter what.”
D-Lo Brown: YOU BETTA RECOGNIZE!
Cole: This tournament has one catch, though: if your team is eliminated, you will face your partner the very next week! That’s right, next week we are guaranteed a number of never-before-seen matches! Friends become rivals, brothers become enemies, anything can happen in one of the best-known episodic wrestling promotions on an Internet message board!
Lenny Lane: Enough with the chit chat, Michelle, let’s get the monkeys in the truck to put up the brackets!
*Stone Cold gives a stunner to Lenny Lane. Someone in the crowd throws a piece of chicken into the ring and Kong grabs it with her bare hands and rips the meat off.*
Cole: We are going to start with the upper left of the bracket. The first team to be pulled will get the ever-important bye. And that team is….Santino Marella and Eugene!
*The two goofballs dance up and down, clap, and spin*
Cole: Congratulations. Also in this region, we have…Sable and Luna!
Sable: This is for all the men who came to see me…
Luna: And I’m hideous!!!
Cole: Yes, here in Born to Rassle anything can happen, as we are the #1 episodic thread in this forum. Sable, if you had a choice, who would you face as your partner?
Sable: Marc Mero. But not because I hate him. Because I miss him a lot since Brock’s penis is less an F-5 than it is a small southwestern breeze.
Cole: Well, you don’t get your wish, because in the first round you and Luna will face the team of…Chyna and Awesome Kong!
*Kong and Chyna stand tall over Luna and Sable*
Luna: I thought we weren’t going to have to fight any dudes!
*Luna and Sable run away*
Cole: Now we’re getting cooking! In the next part of the bracket, we have…The Buff Asses, Billy Gunn and Buff Bagwell
*Buff and Billy pose, biceps and abs and pecs and asses hardening (Lodi hardens as well)
Cole: And in the first round, the Buff Asses will take on the team of…Lenny Lane and Tugboat!
Lane: We got this, Earthquake. Hands in. You too, Ralphus!
Cole: And to finish off the left side of the bracket, we have an exciting duo…Chris Sabin and D-Lo Brown! And since they’re small guys we won’t let them talk, but instead say they get to go toe-to-toe with…”Wildman” Marc Mero and Scotty Riggs!
Mero, whispering: (psst…D-Lo, I think we’re going to let Scotty take that running powerbomb, okay?)
Cole: That is one heck of a bracket, but we’re only halfway there. Now excuse me while I daintily eat a bite of this new KFC Grilled Chicken!
Cole: Okay, let’s continue. As you can see, we have quite the selection of tag teams left. So the first one up on this side is…The
Honky Tonk Man and The Artist!
Honky Tonk Man: That’s Blue Suede Purple Rain to you!
Cole: Okay, Okay. Well, you get to party like it’s 1999 when you take on…Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Patriot!
Hacksaw: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Big USA Chant for no reason*
Cole: And whoever wins that matchup will get to take on the winner of this one, between…Heartbreak Hotel, Johnny Estrada and Disgraceland!
Disgraceland: A little less conversation, Cole.
Cole: And their opponent, Cowboys Orton and Watts!
*Bob Orton gestures his cast angrily at the Elvis guys*
*All of a sudden the crowd realizes that the only teams left are Lodi/Reese, Yokozuna/Rikishi, Hogan Warrior, and Austin Goldberg.*
Cole: Well, well, look who we have here. And in the final part of the bracket, to boot. In the first matchup…HERE WE GO!...is the team of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bill Goldberg!
Stone Cold: IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME AND GOLDBERG WHOOP ON THOSE STEROID POPPIN HULKSTERS AND WARRIORS, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
Crowd: WHAT?
Goldberg: ASS!
Cole: Well, Stone Cold, your wish…will have to wait. You guys will face the team of Lodi and Reese!
*Lodi holds up a sign that says ‘We’re Next’*
Cole: That means that our final tag team match is a big one…Yokozuna and Rikishi versus Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior!
*The fat guys and the tan guys stand face to face*
Hogan: Yokozuna, brother, you nearly ended my career, brother, and when we have this match it’s going to be just as good as Wrestlemania IX, brother!
Warrior: You globular freaks know not the visceraltude of the
Ultimate Team phantasmagorically here in front of your evanescent orbital bone features!
Rikishi: We’re going to win this…for the Rock.
*Yokozuna throws salt…into the bucket of KFC grilled chicken. Stone Cold leads all the wrestlers into a KFC Chicken Bash, slapping drumsticks together while standing at the turnbuckle.*
Cole: The tag tournament will be underway. And remember, the losers of each match will have to face each other the next week! Anything can happen here in the BTR, the episodic longest-running universe!
WEEK 1 CARD
Hogan/Warrior v. Yokozuna/Rikishi
Austin/Goldberg v. Lodi/Reese
Chyna/Awesome Kong v. Sable/Luna
D-Lo Brown/Chris Sabin v. Marc Mero/Scotty Riggs
Heartbreak Hotel (Johnny Estrada and Disgraceland) v. Cowboys Orton and Watts
Honky Tonk Man/The Prince (with Paisley) v. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Patriot
The Buff Asses (Bagwell and Gunn) v. Tugboat and Lenny Lane (with Ralphus)
Eugene and Santino Marella have a comedy bit that's hilarious and you should totally vote for.
Announcers: Michael Cole, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Lee Marshall
Note: my draft is going to end early since I'm doing wedding stuff, so I'm going to post the week one card here. I'll draft for a few more days but it won't be anything that really affects the storylines here. So I might be putting my card up early, I guess, but I want it out of the say. My plan is, win or lose the showdowns, to have a different, progressing card every week. So if you want to get to the inevitable conclusion, vote for me when the time comes! Heh heh heh.
Arnold: “Govahnah Ahnold Schwarzennegah here for thah Bahrn to Rahssle Federation. Today we ah gonna ahnounce the cahd for the inahgral event taking place very soon.”
Cole: Thank you Governor. I’m Michael Cole, and next to me is Lee Marshall, and welcome to the shortest running episodic fantasy wrestling federation in North American History.
Marshall: Shortest running and the best, Cole.
Cole: Indeed. Let’s get right to the big news: our federation is going to start off with a 15-team tag tournament, the winners of which will all of the surplus money California has in its state budget.
Arnold: Listen, girly-man, Cahleefornya is in bettah shape than those bumps on your ahrms. I think I gave birth to you in my hit comedy Juneyah
Cole: Okay, Governor. But seriously, the tag tournament is big business. It’ll springboard all the great matches we’ll have here in the BTR Federation. If you’ve been following the Intergalactic Wrestling Draft, you know we have the #1 promotion going, thanks to you in the BTR Universe.
Marshall: The fans had nothing to do with the draft, Cole.
Cole: Well, the teams have been put together by the usual backstage shenanigans. Let’s waste 30 minutes and bring them out to the ring to entrance music!
*The following teams make their way to the ring. There is a hat on a stool in the middle from which the matchups will be selected*
1. Hogan/Warrior
2. Goldberg/Austin
3. Yokozuna/Rikishi
4. D-Lo Brown/Chris Sabin (w/Ivory)
5. Billy Gunn/Buff Bagwell
6. Honky Tonk Man/The Artist (w/ Paisley)
7. Santino Marella/Eugene
8. Awesome Kong/Chyna
9. Sable/Luna
10. Cowboy Bob Orton/Cowboy Bill Watts
11. Hacksaw Jim Duggan/Patriot
12. Tugboat/Lenny Lane w/ Ralphus
13. Marc Mero/Scotty Riggs
14. Lodi/Reese
15. Johnny Estrada/Disgraceland
*After lots of posing and stuff from the peeps involved, Cole gets in the ring*
Cole: Here’s how the tournament works. We will *cough cough* randomly select each matchup. The first night will be a seven match card: 14 teams will wrestle, and 1 lucky team will get a bye and a surprise task, although they will advance to the second round no matter what.”
D-Lo Brown: YOU BETTA RECOGNIZE!
Cole: This tournament has one catch, though: if your team is eliminated, you will face your partner the very next week! That’s right, next week we are guaranteed a number of never-before-seen matches! Friends become rivals, brothers become enemies, anything can happen in one of the best-known episodic wrestling promotions on an Internet message board!
Lenny Lane: Enough with the chit chat, Michelle, let’s get the monkeys in the truck to put up the brackets!
*Stone Cold gives a stunner to Lenny Lane. Someone in the crowd throws a piece of chicken into the ring and Kong grabs it with her bare hands and rips the meat off.*
Cole: We are going to start with the upper left of the bracket. The first team to be pulled will get the ever-important bye. And that team is….Santino Marella and Eugene!
*The two goofballs dance up and down, clap, and spin*
Cole: Congratulations. Also in this region, we have…Sable and Luna!
Sable: This is for all the men who came to see me…
Luna: And I’m hideous!!!
Cole: Yes, here in Born to Rassle anything can happen, as we are the #1 episodic thread in this forum. Sable, if you had a choice, who would you face as your partner?
Sable: Marc Mero. But not because I hate him. Because I miss him a lot since Brock’s penis is less an F-5 than it is a small southwestern breeze.
Cole: Well, you don’t get your wish, because in the first round you and Luna will face the team of…Chyna and Awesome Kong!
*Kong and Chyna stand tall over Luna and Sable*
Luna: I thought we weren’t going to have to fight any dudes!
*Luna and Sable run away*
Cole: Now we’re getting cooking! In the next part of the bracket, we have…The Buff Asses, Billy Gunn and Buff Bagwell
*Buff and Billy pose, biceps and abs and pecs and asses hardening (Lodi hardens as well)
Cole: And in the first round, the Buff Asses will take on the team of…Lenny Lane and Tugboat!
Lane: We got this, Earthquake. Hands in. You too, Ralphus!
Cole: And to finish off the left side of the bracket, we have an exciting duo…Chris Sabin and D-Lo Brown! And since they’re small guys we won’t let them talk, but instead say they get to go toe-to-toe with…”Wildman” Marc Mero and Scotty Riggs!
Mero, whispering: (psst…D-Lo, I think we’re going to let Scotty take that running powerbomb, okay?)
Cole: That is one heck of a bracket, but we’re only halfway there. Now excuse me while I daintily eat a bite of this new KFC Grilled Chicken!
Cole: Okay, let’s continue. As you can see, we have quite the selection of tag teams left. So the first one up on this side is…The
Honky Tonk Man and The Artist!
Honky Tonk Man: That’s Blue Suede Purple Rain to you!
Cole: Okay, Okay. Well, you get to party like it’s 1999 when you take on…Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Patriot!
Hacksaw: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*Big USA Chant for no reason*
Cole: And whoever wins that matchup will get to take on the winner of this one, between…Heartbreak Hotel, Johnny Estrada and Disgraceland!
Disgraceland: A little less conversation, Cole.
Cole: And their opponent, Cowboys Orton and Watts!
*Bob Orton gestures his cast angrily at the Elvis guys*
*All of a sudden the crowd realizes that the only teams left are Lodi/Reese, Yokozuna/Rikishi, Hogan Warrior, and Austin Goldberg.*
Cole: Well, well, look who we have here. And in the final part of the bracket, to boot. In the first matchup…HERE WE GO!...is the team of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bill Goldberg!
Stone Cold: IF YOU WANT TO SEE ME AND GOLDBERG WHOOP ON THOSE STEROID POPPIN HULKSTERS AND WARRIORS, GIMME A HELL YEAH!
Crowd: WHAT?
Goldberg: ASS!
Cole: Well, Stone Cold, your wish…will have to wait. You guys will face the team of Lodi and Reese!
*Lodi holds up a sign that says ‘We’re Next’*
Cole: That means that our final tag team match is a big one…Yokozuna and Rikishi versus Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior!
*The fat guys and the tan guys stand face to face*
Hogan: Yokozuna, brother, you nearly ended my career, brother, and when we have this match it’s going to be just as good as Wrestlemania IX, brother!
Warrior: You globular freaks know not the visceraltude of the
Ultimate Team phantasmagorically here in front of your evanescent orbital bone features!
Rikishi: We’re going to win this…for the Rock.
*Yokozuna throws salt…into the bucket of KFC grilled chicken. Stone Cold leads all the wrestlers into a KFC Chicken Bash, slapping drumsticks together while standing at the turnbuckle.*
Cole: The tag tournament will be underway. And remember, the losers of each match will have to face each other the next week! Anything can happen here in the BTR, the episodic longest-running universe!
WEEK 1 CARD
Hogan/Warrior v. Yokozuna/Rikishi
Austin/Goldberg v. Lodi/Reese
Chyna/Awesome Kong v. Sable/Luna
D-Lo Brown/Chris Sabin v. Marc Mero/Scotty Riggs
Heartbreak Hotel (Johnny Estrada and Disgraceland) v. Cowboys Orton and Watts
Honky Tonk Man/The Prince (with Paisley) v. Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Patriot
The Buff Asses (Bagwell and Gunn) v. Tugboat and Lenny Lane (with Ralphus)
Eugene and Santino Marella have a comedy bit that's hilarious and you should totally vote for.
Announcers: Michael Cole, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Lee Marshall