[ALL CAPS]

AWESOME CHAMPIONSHIP AWESOME WRESTLING FEDERATION

Unaffiliated Roster Members:
AJ Styles
Austin Aries
Brian Pillman
Disco Inferno
Hugh Morrus
Colt Cabana
Gillberg ("Rock Hard" Duane Houston)
Nova
Matt Bentley
Alex Koslov
Goldust
Chris Kanyon

Regular Tag Teams:
Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode
Jung Dragons - Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang
The Naturals - Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens
Red Faction - Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red
Kronik - Wrath & Brian Adams
Puerto Rico's Chicos - Gran Apolo & Hector Garza
Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters
Paper Rouxt - "Rapid Delivery" Rory Fox & Lash Leroux

Dr. Cube's Posse:
Dr. Cube
The Zombie
Kung Fu Chicken Noodle
Gene "The Minion" Snitsky
Delirious
Glacier

Referees:
Traci Brooks
Mark "Slick" Johnson

Announcers:
Don West
William Shatner

Backstage Interviewer:
Jason Sensation

Acting Commissioner:
Scott D'Amore

------------------------------------

AWESOMANIA 2000IX

3-Way Elimination Super-Awesome Championship Match
AJ Styles (C) vs. Brian Pillman vs. Austin Aries

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Beer Money LLC (C) - James Storm & Robert Roode vs.
Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters

Ultimate X Match for the Awesome X Championship
Nova vs. Matt Bentley (C) vs. Delirious vs. Alex Koslov

Awesome Ladder Match for a Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship
Jung Dragons - Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang vs.
The Naturals - Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens vs.
Red Faction - Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red

Fuck Gator WCW Battle Royal 4 Tiered Cage on a Pole Match for the International Notorious American Awesome Championship (winner is the last to not be thrown from the top of the cage)
Wrath vs. Brian Adams vs. Mortis vs. Glacier vs. Disco Inferno vs. Hugh Morrus

Loser Leaves Dr. Cube's Posse and is No Longer Awesome
The Zombie vs. Kung Fu Chicken Noodle vs. Gene "The Minion" Snitsky vs. Seven

Awesome Cabana Challenge Match
Colt Cabana vs "Rock Hard" Duane Houston

Curtain Jerks Fighting for the Right to Maybe Called Awesome Some Day
Puerto Rico's Chicos - Gran Apolo & Hector Garza vs.
Paper Rouxt - "Rapid Delivery" Rory Fox & Lash Leroux

[Batman]

Who the fuck is Doctor Cube?

[BC]

Interesting card. Funny how your worst tag team is in the title match.

[ALL CAPS]

Jul 6, 2009 22:49:01 GMT -5 BC said:

Interesting card. Funny how your worst tag team is in the title match.

They have the best name.

If I make it past Round 1 (which I don't anticipate) Beer Money LLC will have much better opponents at the next show.

[ALL CAPS]

Jul 6, 2009 22:47:37 GMT -5 Batman said:

Who the fuck is Doctor Cube?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaiju_Big_Battel

[Matte]

The card looks promising to me. Very worthy of my vote.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Awesome.

[ALL CAPS]

Awesome is our middle name. At least it is NOW.

[Deleted]

Fan-fucking-tastic!

(but not awesome)

[ALL CAPS]

Did I mention that Traci Brooks will be refereeing her matches in this:

[Deleted]

Okay, you're up to semi-awesome.

[ALL CAPS]

AWESOMANIA 2000IX RESULTS

Pyro! Lasers! Rock music! And we're underway! AWESOME!

The ring is lowered from the ceiling on cables. Standing in the middle of it is William Shatner. He... welcomes-us-all... to... Awesomania. Two-thousand... I-ex.

More Pyro.

The Shat makes his way to the announce table where he is greeted by his announcing partner Don West. They share a few laughs. Reflect on the crazy year it's been in the ACAWF and how awesome Awesomania is going to be. Slick Johnson makes his way to the ring for our opening awesome contest.

Paper Rouxt ("Rapid Delivery" Rory Fox & Lash Leroux ) comes out to the ring and Rory Fox grabs a mic and says that before Beer Money LLC was all rich and drunk, they were hard working kids like them and if they had any respect for where they came from, they'd grant them a title shot at the next PPV. A recap package shows how Paper Rouxt lost a qualifying match to the Jung Dragons to be in the Awesome Ladder Match for a Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship. Also, it shows that Lash Leroux got Hector Garza's sister pregnant during Spring Break in Puerto Rico. Paper Rouxt are immediately jumped from behind by Puerto Rico's Chicos (Gran Apolo & Hector Garza). Slick tries to maintain order while Garza savagely beats down on Leroux and Apolo lifts Fox over his head and tosses him out of the ring. After some back and forth, Paper Rouxt gains control but Fox accidentally clobbers Leroux with his loaded delivery bag and Garza hits a top rope splash for good measure, picking up the win. As Paper Rouxt make their way to the back, Garza grabs a mic and tells them that they better not worry about any title shots for a while... because next month, Leroux is marrying his sister LIVE on Pay Per View! Gran Apolo looks around confused and a bit conflicted.

Colt Cabana makes his way to the ring, grabs a mic, and expresses his excitement to be kicking off the most awesome Awesomania to date. But over the last few weeks, he's gotten text messages from a random individual, that only say two things: "Houston 6:13" or "I accept the Cabana Challenge". Well, this is the perfect time and place to see what the fuck this is about, so Cababna asks the mystery man to show himself. The sound of a hammer smashing rocks blares over the loud speakers as "Rock Hard" Duane Houston saunters out to the ring to his music. He enters the ring and stands chin-to-chin with Cabana. Before Houston can get his leather vest off, the bell rings, Cabana whips him into the ropes and kick-wham-stunner, Cabana picks up the 1-2-3.

A recap package shows how Dr. Cube came into ACAWF and started conducting crazy experiments on the wrestlers turning some into cans of soup, zombies, crazed minions, and old WCW characters. One minion, Seven, started to show signs of free-thought after accidentally touching one of Traci Brooks' boobs, and began to resist his diabolical master.

Dr. Cube, in the ring along with his entire Posse, grabs a mic and calls out Seven. He tells all of the idiotic imbeciles in the audience to take a good look at Seven, because if he doesn't shape up, this will be the last time they'll ever see him. Dr. Cube slaps his face as Mortis, Glacier and Delirious jump him from behind. He begins to fight back, but the trio retreats, only to have Snitsky, The Zombie, and Kung Fu Chicken Noodle attack as the bell rings. The three of them attack relentlessly until Kung Fu Chicken Noodle gets cocky and misses a spin kick, nailing Snitsky instead. Snitsky flies into a rage stomping everyone in his path including his fellow minions until Dr. Cube presses his mind control button to stop him. With Snitsky immobilized, Seven makes a come back, almost getting a three count on Zombie, until Dr. Cube missile dropkicks him while Kung Fu Chicken Noodle has referee Traci Brooks distracted. Once again, Seven accidentally grabs Traci Brooks' boob sending him into a state of shock. Snitsky reawakens and takes advantage of the distraction by picking up Seven and powering him down to the mat for the win. Seven is OUT of Dr. Cube's Posse.

Backstage, Jason Sensation interviews "Rock Hard" Duane Houston about his first match in the ACAWF. Mostly he just does a better impression of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin than Duane does, infuriating "Rock Hard" into attacking Jason. Colt Cabana saves Jason from the pummeling, and then he takes the mic and offers up a Cabana Challenge Match to anyone who might actually put up a fight at next month's awesome PPV.

The crew begins to set up the 4 tiered cage on a pole for the Fuck Gator WCW Battle Royal 4 Tiered Cage on a Pole Match for the International Notorious American Awesome Championship. A recap package is shown of how all these guys used to be in WCW and how Awesome that was.

Backstage, Seven is seen walking around in a daze when he accidentally brushes up against Traci Brooks' boobs again. She's all like... WHAT THE FUCK, man?! He begins to shake! He rips off his black leather outfit to reveal a golden outfit underneath! He's been reborn as Goldust! Those awesome boobs turned him into the most totally homo-erotic guy in wrestling history! Wait, what?

Don West and William Shatner explain that in the awesome 4-tiered cage, each level has a pole on it with a key to a trapdoor in the ceiling to the next level. You have to get the keys, open the doors, throw all 5 of your opponents off the top of the cages and then climb to the 4th level to receive the International Notorious American Awesome Championship belt which will be lowered from the rafters (which are about 2 feet away from you at that point). The belt is a BRAND NEW Awesome Championship belt for the ACAWF, so this should be a hard fought battle!

Wrath, Brian Adams, Mortis, Glacier, Disco Inferno, and Hugh Morrus all make their way out to the ring. They enter the First level of the 4 tiered cage and begin brawling all over. Disco immediately makes a break for the 2nd level of the cage, but he forgot to get the key on a pole on the first level, so he is stuck inside. Eventually, Glacier grabs the key, climbs to the second level and brawls with Disco. Hugh Morrus comes up behind him clocks him with a chair and then throws him off the cage. One eliminated! Disco quickly searches for the key to the next level. Meanwhile, Kronik has been beating up Mortis in the first cage. They make their way up to the second level where Morrus and Disco are fighting over the key to level 3. Disco gets pummeled by Wrath while Morrus over powers Brian Adams and makes his way to the 3rd level. Up there he sees Mortis on the way up and moonsaults from the 3rd level down to the 2nd! It backfires and he bounces off Mortis and eliminates himself! But Mortis seems down for the count! Kronik double team Disco until they get into a shoving match over who should go up to the 4th level to receive the belt when the last person is standing. Wrath shoves Brian Adams backwards, he loses his footing, trips over Disco's prone body and falls off the cage eliminating himself! Wrath climbs up to the 3rd level, with Mortis right behind him. They fight on the 3rd level until Disco revives and climbs up behind them. Noticing Disco is there, Wrath and Mortis double team him until he lays there a bloody mess. Wrath gains the advantage on Mortis and tosses him off the 3rd level of the cage... but Mortis reverses, sending Wrath down to the floor below! Mortis grabs the key to the 4th level, climbs up unlocks the cage and waits for the belt to be lowered... but he forgets that Disco is still on the 3rd level. He climbs back down as Disco is climbing back up. They brawl on the side of the cage until Mortis accidentally slips on Disco's blood, looses his footing on the landing and tumbles over the edge of the cage! Disco looks around confused as the belt is lowered. he climbs to level 4, grabs the belt and is the NEW International Notorious American Awesome Champion!

Referee Slick Johnson repels from the ceiling, raises Disco's hand while Disco dances at the top of the cage to awesome 70s music, lasers and pyro.

Backstage, Jason Sensation interviews AJ Styles about the upcoming triple threat elimination match for the Super-Awesome Championship. AJ says that with all the weird shit going on in the ACAWF that he's looking forward to just having a great match with Aries and Pillman. He wants to settle this the honorable way, with a decisive 1... 2... 3 in the middle of the ring. Austin Aries steps up, shakes AJ's hand and says he's also looking forward to a good match, and wants to avoid all of this weird-ass shit that's been going on too. Brian Pillman then comes in with a gun, ruining the whole vibe. Thanks a lot, dude. Awesome.

A recap package plays showing how the Jung Dragons beat Paper Rouxt, The Naturals beat Puerto Rico's Chicos and Red Faction upset Kronik to all get spots in the Awesome Ladder Match for a Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship.

Jung Dragons (Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang), The Naturals (Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens), and Red Faction (Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red) all make their way out to the ring with awesome pyro and awesome lasers. Referee Traci Brooks circles the ring checking all the ladders to make sure they are safe. The bell rings and we're under way. Tag rules are out the window as all six men start brawling like crazy. A bunch of crazy-awesome flippy shit happens off of ladders, make-shift scaffolds, ropes onto ladders, ladders onto ladders, ladders into ropes and scaffolds... the whole nine yards. Eventually all six men are climbing up opposite sides of the same ladder when Traci Brooks' top accidentally comes undone! All six men fall to the mat in utter shock!!! Blitzkrieg recovers first because he's from outer space. He scampers up the side of the ladder, grabs the contract and gets the Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship!

Backstage, Jason Sensation does his best Jerry Lawler impression (yelling "puppies" a lot) before Beer Money LLC comes onto the screen. Robert Roode grins ear to ear as he explains that the Robert Roode Limited Liability Laser Corporation is making a TON of money tonight with all the lasers people have been using on this show. But what makes him happiest is that those two musclebound idiots in Meat Masters can't wrestle for shit, so he and James Storm should have no problem beating them. Storm then grabs the mic and is obviously drunk. He plans on having another six-pack of Awesome Ale before the match but doesn't see that being much of an obstacle to beating the Meat Masters. They laugh and walk away.

William Shatner and Don West both send props out to Billy Mays for combining the art of shilling with being totally cheesy. Characteristics that each of your announcers can appreciate. Don West tries to sell Shatner some awesome knives, but Shatner tells him that "Commander Kirk" always uses his bare hands to slice up his opposition. Traci Brooks, fresh from getting a new top backstage, walks by and rolls her eyes.

Nova, Alex Koslov, and Delirious all make their way to the ring, which has been set up for an Ultimate X match. Matt Bentley comes out to the ring wearing the Awesome X Championship belt. Referee Tracy Brooks is standing in the middle of the ring. He hands over the belt and they start to make out. He gives an exaggerated wink to Brooks as they both start to laugh. Just then, acting commissioner Scott D'Amore comes out to the top of the stage and says that while Traci Brooks is a hot piece of ass, he's gonna have to kick her outta bed this one time. The Awesome X Championship isn't about to be tarnished by their love-bird shenanigans, so he's removing Brooks as the ref for this match and is putting Slick in! Slick takes the belt from him and hangs it as Bentley goes nuts, whining and complaining. On top of that, D'Amore is making himself the special ringside enforcer. Delirious leaves the ring, grabs the mic from D'Amore, and spouts some unintelligible nonsense for about two minutes. The bell rings and Koslov and Nova double team Bentley while Delirious runs around in circles outside the ring. Several flippy-floppy maneuvers are attempted, mostly aimed at eliminating Bentley. Delirious is too busy gnawing on the guardrail to notice anything going on in the ring. Dr. Cube comes storming down to ringside with Snitsky in an attempt to get Delirious focused on the match. D'Amore turns his attention to them and doesn't notice Bentley superkicking Slick in the face. Slick rolls out of the ring at D'Amore's feet. Bentley smiles and shrugs at D'Amore who climbs into the ring and indicates that HE is taking over as ref. Bentley shoves him. D'Amore shoves back. Bentley goes for a superkick but out of nowhere... CANADIAN DESTROYER from D'Amore! Traci Brooks comes back in and low blows D'Amore but he blocks it. CANADIAN DESTROYER on Brooks! While all this is going on, outside the ring, Dr. Cube's posse has come down and are beating up Koslov and Nova. Delirious skitters into the ring, scampers across the ropes and grabs the belt! NEW Awesome X Champion! Dr. Cube's Posse has lost a fruitcake, but gained a championship!

A recap package is shown, explaining how the Meat Masters got a shot at the Awesome Tag Championship Titles when James Storm lost a bet that his blood alcohol level HAD to be lower than the Meat Masters' combined IQ. He lost... 0.12 BAC to a combined 0.09 IQ.

Jason Sensation is backstage with the Meat Masters who are doing nothing but posing and oiling each other up. It isn't even gay. It's just all they know how to do. If they stopped, their brains might seize up and they could go into shock. Jason speaks for them, mostly in low grunts and "bros".

The Meat Masters (Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters) come out on the stage and pose for about 5-6 minutes while lasers go off around them before Jason Sensation has to come out and tell them to go down to the ring. Beer Money LLC (James Storm & Robert Roode) comes to the ring. Robert Roode, with dollar signs in his eyes for all the lasers the Meat Masters just used, has his stock portfolio out and is flipping through it on the ring apron. James Storm is so plastered that he almost trips over his boots, which are only half-way laced up. A very groggy referee Traci Brooks is totally distracting the Meat Masters, but she's totally grossed out. Storm sets up a table in the middle of the ring and starts to organize plastic cups on it as if to prepare it for a game of Beer Pong. The Meat Masters get very excited because they LOVE Beer Pong! Stasiak is up first and sinks his first two shots and poses in celebration... James Storm drinks. While Masters is waiting for his turn, Robert Roode enters the ring, never taking his eyes off his portfolio, and fisherman suplexes Masters through the table. Storm superkicks Stasiak in the face, loses his balance, and falls over onto Masters as Roode leaves the ring, flipping to the next page. Brooks counts the 1-2-3 and Beer Money LLC retain their Awesome Tag Championship belts.

A recap package is played, showing how AJ Styles' and Austin Aries' relationship is built on trust, respect and awesome competition. While Brian Pillman is a crazy guy with a death wish.

Austin Aries comes to the ring followed by Brian Pillman and then the champion AJ Styles. Early on, Styles and Aries work together to knock Pillman out of the match. After an awesome series of moves, reverses, counters and counter-move reverses, Pillman comes to and blindsides Aries with a forearm to the head. Pillman and Styles battle for a while with several arial maneuvers, until Aries distracts AJ momentarily allowing Pillman to get a sneaky near fall via roll-up. Aries and AJ jaw at each other for a bit until Pillman whips Aries into the ropes... but it's reversed!... Pillman back across the ring... hits aries with a crucifix backslide for the 1...2...3! Aries is eliminated! Austin is furious as he makes his way backstage! AJ takes advantage of Pillman's moment of victory by hitting the Pele. Don West soils himself. After several back and forth sequences, AJ misses a splash onto the floor. Austin Aries comes back out from the dressing room, shaking his head as if he won't accept that he got eliminated. Pillman freaks out at Slick Johnson, and while the ref's back is turned Aries hovers over AJ Styles' prone body. He leans over him as if he's whispering something to him and then backs off. Slick tells him to go to the back and while Pillman leans over to pick up AJ, he CLOCKS HIM WITH BRASS KNUCKS! AJ can't get Pillman into the ring for the pin, so Aries runs down and helps AJ haul Pillman into the ring much to the protest of Slick Johnson. AJ rolls him over and gets the 1... 2... NO! Pillman kicks out! AJ punches Pillman about a dozen times in the head, hauls him up, hits the Styles Clash, climbs the top rope and hits a frogsplash. He hooks the leg and THIS time gets the 1... 2... 3.

Aries and Styles celebrate in the middle of the ring.

Don West and William Shatner are beside themselves but sign off wishing you an awesome night, folks!

[Batman]

The main event was indeed pretty awesome.

[ALL CAPS]

ACAWF GENERIC TRANSITION PAY PER VIEWBERFEST

Super-Awesome Championship Match - 2 out of 3 Falls
AJ Styles (C) vs. Brian Pillman

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Beer Money LLC (C) - James Storm & Robert Roode vs.
Red Faction - Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red

10- Man Awesome X Gauntlet Match for the Awesome X Title
Delirious (C) vs. Kaz Hayashi vs. Jimmy Yang vs. Andy Douglas vs. Chase Stevens vs. Nova vs. Alex Koslov vs. Matt Bentley vs. "Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs. Austin Aries

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship
Disco Inferno vs. Kanyon vs. Hugh Morrus

Awesome Cabana Challenge Match
Colt Cabana vs. Goldust

Lash Leroux Marries Hector Garza'a Sister

4-Team Elimination Tag Match for a Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship
Kronik - Wrath & Brian Adams vs.
Dr. Cube's Posse - Gene "The Minion" Snitsky & Glacier vs.
The Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters
Puerto Rico's Chicos - Gran Apolo & Hector Garza

Gimmie Back My Bag! Ladder Match
Paper Rouxt - "Rapid Delivery" Rory Fox & Lash Leroux vs.
Dr. Cube's Posse - Kung Fu Chicken Noodle & The Zombie

Referees: Tracy Brooks & Mark "Slick" Johnson
Announcers: Don West & William Shatner
Backstage Interviewer: Jason Sensation
Acting Commissioner: Scott D'Amore

[Byrntrigan]

Oh my God!!!

Is Scott D'Amore gonna wear kneepads or something so he doesn't hurt himself as Acting Commissioner for the whole PPV?

[ALL CAPS]

GENERIC TRANSITION PAY PER VIEWBERFEST RESULTS

Pyro! Lasers! Rock music! And we're underway! AWESOME!

William Shatner and Don West are at the announce table, and welcome you to the PPV.

As Rory Fox and Lash Leroux make their way to the ring, a recap package is shown in which Kung Fu Chicken Noodle and The Zombie accidentally received Rory's delivery bag in a mix up at the airport but refused to return it because Zombie fell in love with it. Aww. Anyway, the bag is hanging above the ring as Kung Fu Chicken Noodle and The Zombie (accompanied by Dr. Cube) make their way down the ramp. Dr. Cube and his posse try to cheat, but... long story short they fail and Rory climbs the ladder and gets his dumb delivery bag back.

Backstage Jason Sensation interviews Goldust about accepting Colt Cabana's open challenge. Traci Brooks wanders by and tells Goldust that there'll be NO "funny business" in that match tonight... like specifically no boob touching. Goldust says that if she wants to touch his boobs, it's okay with him. Jason Sensation takes him up on the offer. Goldust is totally cool with that. Yuck.

We return to the announce table where Shatner is in the middle of complaining to Don West about how he wasn't asked to be in the latest "Star Track" movie. Don West nods his head and creepily licks his lips.

The teams of Kronik (Wrath & Brian Adams), Dr. Cube's Posse (Gene "The Minion" Snitsky & Glacier), The Meat Masters (Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters), and Puerto Rico's Chicos (Gran Apolo & Hector Garza) all make their way to the ring for the 4-Team Elimination Tag Match for a Shot at the Awesome Tag Championship. Garza and Apolo seem to be arguing about something, but it's impossible to tell what because they're speaking spanish. Don West explains that 4 men are in the ring at a time. Once a man has been pinned, his partner takes his place. Regular Tag rules apply. The first four in the ring are: Masters, Apolo, Adams and Snitsky. They clobber each other for a while until everyone gangs up on Masters, Snitsky choke slams him while Adams jumps on for the pin. The rest of the eliminations go as follows: Stasiak by Snitsky, Glacier by Apolo, Apolo by Wrath, Snitsky by Wrath, Adams by Garza. Garza and Wrath are the only two left in the ring when Garza's pregnant sister comes running out to the ring crying. He's distracted for an instant, is powerbombed by Wrath and pinned. Slick counts the 1-2-3.

Garza, visibly upset, is yelling at his sister. Apolo comes back out and stands in between them pleading with Garza to calm down. Garza grabs a mic and yells for Lash Leroux to get the fuck out here and marry his sister right now. Lash comes out from the back sheepishly, but is being pushed by Rory Fox to go through with it. William Shatner, an internet-ordained reverend, starts to get up from the announce table (OH NO, LUCKY!) but Apolo can take no more. He grabs the mic and tells Garza that he doesn't care whose baby his sister is carrying, he's in love with her and wants to marry her! Garza is torn, but takes the mic back and exclaims that they're going to solve this the old fashioned way... next month Apolo will face Leroux for the right to marry his sister! Leroux faints.

Backstage, Acting Commissioner Scott D'Amore is finishing up a conversation with Disco Inferno about how his match against Kanyon and Morrus ISN'T a dance-off like he was lead to believe and that he better go "get in the zone" because his match is coming up real soon. As Disco leaves, AJ Styles and Austin Aries come in and say that tonight Aries will get the X-title and along with the Super-Awesome Champion AJ Styles they plan on forming Team Super-Awesome and going after the Awesome Tag Team Championship at the next PPV. D'Amore appreciates their ambition, but reminds them that Kronik just won a chance at the title next month. AJ says that as Super-Awesome Champion, he should have the clout to make it a triple threat. D'Amore agrees. Team Super-Awesome leaves happy.

Colt Cabana comes to the ring and grabs a mic. He tells Goldust to get his shiny butt out here so that they can get this show on the road and raise the average on the internet star ratings from where they probably are right now. He's guessing 1.5 at best. Goldust comes down the ramp and pauses at referee Traci Brooks who gets all creeped out. The match starts with the typical lock-ups, etc... eventually degrading into a bunch of hilarious comedy spots like Goldust butt-humping Cababna, Cabana and Goldust dosidoing around the ring, and Cabana "accidentally" grabbing Traci Brooks' boobs. Goldust eventually gets a sneaky roll-up on Cabana, being the first to win the Cabana challenge. They shake hands and leave together, mostly talking about Traci's boobs.

A recap package is played showing how Mortis accidentally got punched in the face by Snitsky, snapping him out of Dr. Cube's mind control. He re-debuts tonight as Chris Kanyon.

Backstage Jason Sensation is with Kanyon who says he'd like to thank Brian Pillman for helping him clear the cobwebs and getting him refocused on wrestling... as strange as that sounds. Pillman comes on screen and starts yelling at AJ that he's still got a fuzzy head from that brass-knucks cheap-shot he gave him last month, but he has no problem remembering what a punk Styles is and how much he's looking forward to beating the shit out of him tonight. Not once, but twice. Kanyon thanks Pillman again, shakes his hand, but says he's got a match to get to. Pillman holds on to his hand and tells him to show those dicks out in that ring no mercy. He says Kanyon's been a good friend to him over the last couple of weeks and says that if Kanyon has his back and he beats Styles tonight Kanyon gets the first title shot. Kanyon smiles, nods, and leaves.

Chris Kanyon comes down to the ring. Hugh Morrus comes to the ring and grabs a mic, he explains to Disco that when he said "let's dance" in reference to the International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship, he thought that it implied "fighting", not actual dancing. Disco Inferno shakes and shimmies his way down to the ring and instantly gets double teamed by Morrus and Kanyon. As Disco lays prone, outside of the ring, Slick shrugs his shoulders and rings the bell. Kanyon and Morrus do a lot of agile-for-big-men spots, until Disco comes to. Disco crawls into the ring and eats a moonsault from Morrus before he even knows where he is. Kanyon and Morrus brawl for a little while longer until Morrus gets a sneaky roll-up on Kanyon, which Disco breaks up. Disco throws Morrus out of the ring. As Disco and Kanyon fight, Austin Aries makes his way down to the ring. Morrus and Slick are distracted, telling Aries to leave. With their backs turned, AJ Styles sneaks into the ring from the crowd, hits the StylesClash on Kanyon, and sneaks back out. Aries backs off, Disco takes advantage of Kanyon's weakened state and Slick counts the 1-2-3.

Disco dances his way back to the back while Styles and Aries enter the ring. AJ grabs a mic and yells at Kanyon, "Whose got Pillman's back? NOBODY!" Aries and Styles start beating down Kanyon until Pillman runs out with a shotgun and a trident and scares them off. They run up the ramp, but up there, Scott D'Amore pops out and stops Aries. D'Amore tells him that he was happy to do a favor for two talents like Aries and AJ by granting them a tag title shot at next month's PPV. But now he's gotta do HIM a favor. A talent like Aries should be on the show for as long as possible. Aries agrees. So because of that, D'Amore give Aries the first slot in the 10- Man Awesome X Gauntlet Match for the Awesome X Title! Aries is less than pleased. D'Amore also takes this time to introduce Aries' first opponent, D'Amore's "best buddy" Matt Bentley. Bentley comes out and is also less than pleased.

Don West and Bill Shatner explain that in the X Gauntlet, two competitors start in the ring and each time a submission or pinfall is counted, a new competitor comes out to wrestle in his place until the final man faces off against the champion, Delirious.

Just to make sure things go as smoothly as possible, D'Amore is going to ref this match as well! Austin Aries and Matt Bentley reluctantly face off and go through a couple of great sequences until Traci Brooks runs out and distracts D'Amore allowing Bentley to whoops... MISS a chairshot on Aries, leading to Aries laying out Bentley with a brainbuster and getting the pin. Next out is Jimmy Yang who is eliminated by Aries with a 450 splash. Next out are Chase Stevens, Alex Koslov, and Kaz Hayashi... all of whom get eliminated by a now very tired Aries. Next out is "Rock Hard" Duane Houston who charges into the ring and starts beating on Aries who is almost too tired to defend himself. At one point, "Rock Hard" tosses Aries to the floor and gets in the face of D'Amore. D'Amore shoves him off and reminds him that he's the ref. "Rock Hard" shoves him gives him the two finger salute and then tries to go for a Rock Hard Cutter, but D'Amore blocks it... CANADIAN DESTROYER from D'Amore! Aries crawls back into the ring and gets the pin. Nova is next out, and while Aries puts up a good fight, he gets eliminated with a Kryptonite Krunch from the top rope. Andy Douglas is the next to last competitor to come down, and after some great flippy-floppy action Nova eliminates him as well with the Novacaine. Delirious comes out onto the stage with Dr. Cube and the rest of the Posse. Delirious grabs a mic and spouts some unintelligible nonsense for about a minute before Dr. Cube grabs the mic and tells Nova that if he joins the Posse, Delirious will lay down and let him have the X-Title. D'Amore grabs a mic and tells Cube that if he and the Posse don't get the hell outta here AND that if Delirious doesn't get his crazy ass down to the ring in 3 seconds, he's losing the tile via DQ. Delirious charges the ring and Dr. Cube and company leave. Nova and Delirious go back and forth with quite a few near falls, but in the end, Nova manages to beat Delirious with an Elevator Drop Power Bomb. NEW AWESOME X DIVISION CHAMP!

Backstage, Jason Sensation is interviewing Pillman and Kanyon about what happened earlier in the night. Pillman flips out saying that if anyone interferes in his match tonight he's gonna kill somebody. Kanyon tries to calm him down, but it isn't working. Pillman is tearing up lighting rigs and catering tables.

A recap of how Red Faction (Amazing Red & Blitzkrieg) won a ladder match last month for a shot at the Awesome Tag Championship. Traci's boobs popping out was prominently featured.

Red Faction (Amazing Red & Blitzkrieg) come down to the ring and wait on Beer Money LLC (Robert Roode & James Storm) to come out. Many lasers and pyrotechnics later, Beer Money comes down to the ring. Storm appears drunker than usual, and Roode appears rather irritated. Storm sort of slumps over in the corner as Roode takes the opening lock-up. After several sequences against both opponents, Roode begins to get frustrated by Red Faction's speed. Every time he's close to a tag, Storm either isn't paying attention or looks too sick to move. Red and Blitzkrieg, sensing the victory could be well in hand, start showing off some high-flying prowess. Unfortunately, Red tries a high-risk top-rope maneuver a little too close to Storm (who "magically" snaps out of it) and shoves Red from the top rope back-first down onto the guardrail. He and Roode point and laugh at the little guy laying in a lump on the outside. Roode works over Blitzkrieg a bit and then tags in Storm. He hits the Eye of the Storm for a 2 count as Red groggily returns to the ring Apron. Storm takes on both guys for a while until he tags in Roode. Roode, now brimming with over confidence almost gets pinned in a surprise roll-up. All hell breaks loose as all 4 men are in the ring, but eventually Beer Money hit the DWI for the win. James Storm grabs a beer and steals a kiss from referee Traci Brooks. He's smooth like that.

A recap package is shown explaining how Styles and Aries have been gunning for all the gold in the ACAWF and how they're doing their best to fuck with Brian Pillman however they can.

Brian Pillman comes out on the stage and sends Kanyon off to the back and tells him to stay there. AJ Styles comes out by himself and enters the ring. Mark "Slick" Johnson holds the belt up and we're ready start our Super-Awesome Championship Match (2 out of 3 Falls) main event!

The bell sounds and Styles and Pillman lock up and go through a series of reverses and counter-moves until Styles gains control. After a number of high-impact arial maneuvers and hear falls, Styles manages to pull out a Spiral Tap on Pillman for the first fall of the night. Styles pops up and does a little boxing-match-feet-shuffling dance in celebration, and goes to a neutral corner to await the 60 seconds Pillman gets to recuperate. The second bell sounds and Pillman comes out a man-on-fire! He starts wailing on Styles with punches and kicks until Styles has to retreat from the ring. Aries comes out to consult with Styles, but Pillman flips out and chases after him. Styles catches up and attacks Pillman on the stage. Eventually they work their way back into the ring. Pillman and Styles are punching back and forth. Styles manages to pull off a Pele Kick, but Pillman sees it coming and pulls Slick in the way. REF BUMP! With Slick out Aries sneaks back down and into the ring, but from the back, Kanyon comes out with a chair. Aries and Styles work over Pillman until Kanyon hops into the ring with the chair. Aries bails, but Styles cowers as Pillman looks on. Kanyon raises the chair to hit Styles, but then gives him the thumbs up and turns around to hit Pillman! AJ smiles! HOLY SHIT! But wait, Kanyon keeps turning and hits Styles anyway! DOUBLE SWERVE! Kanyon spits on Styles and chases Aries off with the chair into the back. Pillman rouses Slick and drapes himself over Styles... 1-2-3! Sixty seconds later both men are back up for the third fall. Styles is bleeding all over the place from the chairshot. Pillman takes advantage by punching him in the head. A lot. Eventually Styles manages to gain control and sets up for the Styles Clash, but Pillman reverses into a roll-up! 1-2-NO! Styles kicks out. Pillman scoop slams AJ in the center of the ring, climbs the ropes, and waits for AJ to get up. Missile drop kick! Pillman goes for the pin 1-2-NO! Styles manages to regain control after some back and forth. He lays Pillman out with a springboard moonsault floated over into an inverted DDT! 1-2-2.5-NO! So CLOSE! AJ is now getting frustrated. Hey waves to the back for Aries to come out, but when he does, he's chased by Kanyon, who catches up to him and lays him out with the chair. Styles is shocked! When AJ turns around Pillman clocks him with the a tornado DDT out of nowhere! 1-2-3! NEW SUPER-AWESOME CHAMPION!

Kanyon enters the ring and raises Pillman's hand but Pillman shoves him away. Pillman seems ticked off at Kanyon for interfering in his match. They stand nose to nose arguing as the PPV goes off the air.

Have an awesome night folks!

[ALL CAPS]

Oops.

[ALL CAPS]

By the way, it's implied that there are weeks of tv shows happening between my PPVs so the story lines don't match up from show to show. I've provided some previews to fill in the gaps... in case anyone is actually reading the results.

Champions:

Super-Awesome Champion

Brian Pillman

Awesome Tag Team Champions

Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Champion

Disco Inferno

Awesome X Champion

Nova


AWESOMAGEDDON PREVIEW

Featuring an opening promo by Abraham Lincoln* where he talks about the fact that if it weren't for him, Obama wouldn't be president.

Super-Awesome Championship Cage Match
Brian Pillman (C) vs. Chris Kanyon
Brian Pillman befriended Kanyon and gave him a title shot, but can they trust each other? Pillman requested his first title defense be in the cage to prevent any outside interference. Will his paranoia be justified, or will it backfire on the new ACAWF Super-champ?

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode (C) vs.
AJ Styles & Austin Aries
Styles and Aries beat Red Faction in a re-qualifyer to retain their spot in the tag title match at Awsomeageddon. Can Beer Money LLC stand up to their toughest challenge as champs yet? Will Storm be drunk? Will he wear hats?

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship
Disco Inferno (C) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Goldust
Disco has lucked his way out of two matches so far with the INAASRC title belt. Can he sneak out of his stiffest competition to date? Or will Goldust and Cabana just end up goofing off with him? Bet on both!

Awesome X- Championship Match
Nova (C) vs. Matt Bentley
Commissioner D'Amore, fed up with Bentley's incessant whining about not getting a fair shot at the X-Title, has finally granted him what he wants... a 1-on-1 shot at Nova for the belt. But will Dr. Cube and his Posse have something to say about this match's outcome?

Triple-Triple Tag Team Turmoil for Shits and Giggles
Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang & "Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs.
Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens & Alex Koslov vs.
Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red & Delirious
Problem: there are nine guys on the roster with nothing to do. Solution: give 'em something to do! The winners get shots at the tag and X championships next month... who'll come out on top?

Street Fight (Morrus Joins the Posse, or Dr. Cube Disbands It Forever)
Hugh Morrus vs. Gene "The Minion" Snitsky
Dr. Cube tried to convince Hugh Morrus to join the Posse and become General Rection once more. Hugh told him he wasn't interested and to "hit the streets". So, Dr. Cube signed Snitsky up to kick Morrus' ass in a street fight. Will Morrus be forced to become Gen. Rection once more? Or will Dr. Cube be forced to disband the Posse forever? Will someone not take Morrus' figures of speech literally for once?

Match for Hector Garza's Sister's Hand in Marriage
Lash Leroux (with Rory Fox & Hector Garza) vs. Gran Apolo (with Hector Garza's sister)
Hector Garza turned his back on his tag team partner Apolo, when he said he wanted to marry his sister. Lash knocked her up at Spring Break, so Garza wants HIM to marry her. It's a big latino-culture mess. Can Apolo beat Lash and win the hand of the fictional woman he loves? Or will his former best friend turn on him forever in the name of tradition?

Revenge for Making Us Lose Our Title Shot Match
Kronik - Wrath & Crush vs.
Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters
Tension between the members of Kronik led to them losing their spot in the tag title match in a bout against the Meat Masters. Can they work together, or will the most powerful tag-team in the ACAWF fall apart? Will the Meat Masters actually win another match? Probably not. But who knows? Will you buy this PPV for this match? Hell no. But the top two matches will rule. Three, four, and five will probably be a lot of fun too. Is Eco's spick fed more interesting and entertaining than mine? YOU DECIDE!

* Jason Sensation.

[ALL CAPS]

It looks like Eco's gonna knock me out this round, but I prepared a card ahead of time... so here it is:

Champions:

Super-Awesome Champion

Brian Pillman

Awesome Tag Team Champions

Team Super-Awesome - AJ Syles & Austin Aries

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Champion

Goldust

Awesome X Champion

Nova


DESTINAWESOME X

Super-Awesome Championship Match
Brian Pillman (C) vs. WINNER OF HEAVYWEIGHT BATTLE ROYAL (It's James Storm)

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Team Super-Awesome - AJ Styles & Austin Aries (C) vs.
Red Faction - Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red

Ultimate X in a CAGE Match for the Awesome X Championship
Nova (C) vs. Delirious vs. WINNER OF REGULAR OLD ULTIMATE X MATCH (It's Dr. Cube)

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship Hardcore Brawl
Goldust (C) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Disco Inferno

Number One Contender Match for an Awesome Tag Championship Title Shot
Jung Dragons - Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang vs.
The Naturals - Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens

You Knocked Up My Sister and Made Me Look Like an Ass Match
Hector Garza vs. Lash Leroux

10-Man Heavyweight Battle Royal for a Shot at the Super-Awesome Title Later Tonight
Gene Snitsky vs. Hugh Morrus vs. Chris Kanyon vs. Wrath vs. Crush vs. Shawn Stasiak vs. Chris Masters vs. Gran Apolo vs. James Storm vs. Robert Roode

Rock Hard Challenge Match
"Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs. Glacier

Regular Old Ultimate X Match for a Spot in the Ultimate X CAGE Match for the X Title Later Tonight
Alex Koslov vs. Matt Bentley vs. Dr. Cube

[Deleted]

Hey, I voted for ya.

[ALL CAPS]

As did I, Gator. As did I.

[Deleted]

I also really like video games. I would vote that we start that draft sooner rather than later.