[Lucky]

_______________________

Eco's Consejo Nuevo de Lucha Ligera

Announcers: Jim Ross and Jay Leno
Referee: Shinya Hashimoto

Opening Promo from the President of the United States, Barack Obama!

Flippy Shit Match!
(Can Only Be Won Via A Move Where Both Feet Leave the Ground)
Sabian vs. Antonio Rocca

Legends Title #1 Contender Scramble
(Last to gain a fall after 20 minutes is the #1 Contender)
Lou Thesz vs. Rikidozan vs. El Hijo del Santo vs. Giant Baba

Grudge Match for the CNLL Legends Title
Bruno Sammartino (c) vs. Pedro Morales

U-S-A! U-S-A! Match
Only REALLY AMERICAN Weapons Are Legal (Baseballs, Apple Pie, Grandma, etc.)
Shawn Daivari vs. Ernie Ladd/Karl Malone

Bra and Panties Gauntlet for a Shot at the Women’s Title
Torrie Wilson vs. Major Gunns vs. Lizzy Borden vs. Melina vs. Jacqueline vs. Linda Miles vs. Alicia Fox

Sadistic Madness Match
David Batista vs. Abdullah the Butcher

Non-Title Street Fight
(If Jazz Loses, She Will Not Receive Another Title Shot)
Beth Phoenix vs. Jazz

Fight To End The Feud
Rey Misterio vs. Mil Mascaras

#1 Contender’s Match for the CNLL Light Heavyweight Championship
Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko

Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match for the CNLL Tag Team Championships
3 Count (Hurricane and Shannon Moore) (c) vs. La Pareja Atomica (El Santo and Gory Guerrero) vs. Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty) vs. Sir Ronald Killings/Gangster George

CNLL Light Heavyweight Title Match
CM Punk (c) vs. Jerry Lynn

Match for the General Management of CNLL
Chris Jericho vs. David Batista (c)

_______________________

Angst's AWESOME CHAMPIONSHIP AWESOME WRESTLING FEDERATION: AWESOMAGEDDON

Referees: Tracy Brooks & Mark "Slick" Johnson
Announcers: Don West & William Shatner
Backstage Interviewer: Jason Sensation
Acting Commissioner: Scott D'Amore

Super-Awesome Championship Cage Match
Brian Pillman (C) vs. Chris Kanyon

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode (C) vs.
AJ Styles & Austin Aries

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship
Disco Inferno (C) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Goldust

Awesome X- Championship Match
Nova (C) vs. Matt Bentley

Triple-Triple Tag Team Turmoil for Shits and Giggles
Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang & "Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs.
Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens & Alex Koslov vs.
Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red & Delirious

Street Fight (Morrus Joins the Posse, or Dr. Cube Disbands It Forever)
Hugh Morrus vs. Gene "The Minion" Snitsky

Revenge for Making Us Lose Our Title Shot Match
Kronik - Wrath & Crush vs.
Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters

Match for Hector Garza's Sister's Hand in Marriage
Lash Leroux (with Rory Fox & Hector Garza) vs. Gran Apolo (with Hector Garza's sister)

[ALL CAPS]

By the way, it's implied that there are weeks of tv shows happening between my PPVs so the story lines don't match up from show to show. I've provided some previews to fill in the gaps... in case anyone is actually reading the results.

Champions:

Super-Awesome Champion

Brian Pillman

Awesome Tag Team Champions

Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Champion

Disco Inferno

Awesome X Champion

Nova


AWESOMAGEDDON PREVIEW

Featuring an opening promo by Abraham Lincoln* where he talks about the fact that if it weren't for him, Obama wouldn't be president.

Super-Awesome Championship Cage Match
Brian Pillman (C) vs. Chris Kanyon
Brian Pillman befriended Kanyon and gave him a title shot, but can they trust each other? Pillman requested his first title defense be in the cage to prevent any outside interference. Will his paranoia be justified, or will it backfire on the new ACAWF Super-champ?

Awesome Tag Championship Match
Beer Money LLC - James Storm & Robert Roode (C) vs.
AJ Styles & Austin Aries
Styles and Aries beat Red Faction in a re-qualifyer to retain their spot in the tag title match at Awsomeageddon. Can Beer Money LLC stand up to their toughest challenge as champs yet? Will Storm be drunk? Will he wear hats?

International Notorious American Awesome Satellite Radio Championship
Disco Inferno (C) vs. Colt Cabana vs. Goldust
Disco has lucked his way out of two matches so far with the INAASRC title belt. Can he sneak out of his stiffest competition to date? Or will Goldust and Cabana just end up goofing off with him? Bet on both!

Awesome X- Championship Match
Nova (C) vs. Matt Bentley
Commissioner D'Amore, fed up with Bentley's incessant whining about not getting a fair shot at the X-Title, has finally granted him what he wants... a 1-on-1 shot at Nova for the belt. But will Dr. Cube and his Posse have something to say about this match's outcome?

Triple-Triple Tag Team Turmoil for Shits and Giggles
Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang & "Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs.
Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens & Alex Koslov vs.
Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red & Delirious
Problem: there are nine guys on the roster with nothing to do. Solution: give 'em something to do! The winners get shots at the tag and X championships next month... who'll come out on top?

Street Fight (Morrus Joins the Posse, or Dr. Cube Disbands It Forever)
Hugh Morrus vs. Gene "The Minion" Snitsky
Dr. Cube tried to convince Hugh Morrus to join the Posse and become General Rection once more. Hugh told him he wasn't interested and to "hit the streets". So, Dr. Cube signed Snitsky up to kick Morrus' ass in a street fight. Will Morrus be forced to become Gen. Rection once more? Or will Dr. Cube be forced to disband the Posse forever? Will someone not take Morrus' figures of speech literally for once?

Match for Hector Garza's Sister's Hand in Marriage
Lash Leroux (with Rory Fox & Hector Garza) vs. Gran Apolo (with Hector Garza's sister)
Hector Garza turned his back on his tag team partner Apolo, when he said he wanted to marry his sister. Lash knocked her up at Spring Break, so Garza wants HIM to marry her. It's a big latino-culture mess. Can Apolo beat Lash and win the hand of the fictional woman he loves? Or will his former best friend turn on him forever in the name of tradition?

Revenge for Making Us Lose Our Title Shot Match
Kronik - Wrath & Crush vs.
Meat Masters - Shawn Stasiak & Chris Masters
Tension between the members of Kronik led to them losing their spot in the tag title match in a bout against the Meat Masters. Can they work together, or will the most powerful tag-team in the ACAWF fall apart? Will the Meat Masters actually win another match? Probably not. But who knows? Will you buy this PPV for this match? Hell no. But the top two matches will rule. Three, four, and five will probably be a lot of fun too. Is Eco's spick fed more interesting and entertaining than mine? YOU DECIDE!

* Jason Sensation.

[Chris Eco]

Nice card, Angst. And I love how Jason Sensation is calling me out.

Here's mine.

Consejo Nuevo de Lucha Ligera 3
"Score to Settle"

The Official Entrance Video for the CNLL hits the ConsejoTron 9000 and everyone goes NUTS~!

Opening Promo...from the President of the United States, Barack Obama!

POTUS: My fellow citizens, I welcome you to the third show of the Consejo Nuevo de Lucha Ligera, the New Council of Lightweight Wrestling. CNLL is in a time of change. Not only do we have a new World Champion in CM Punk, but every championship in the company will be contested tonight—including, once again, the General Management of the Council.

As we have learned over the past year, while change can be a force for good, it also by necessity breeds uncertainty and concern for the future. During these times, it is good to hold on to those unchanging pillars of strength in our lives--our friends, our family, our faith. Likewise, although the CNLL faces its strongest competition in ratings yet and its future hangs in the balance, I can assure you that the men and women performing tonight will wrestle with the same mix of athleticism, intelligence and desire that you have come to expect from them. That, at least, will not change. May God bless you, these competitors, and the United States of America.

Flippy Shit Match!
Can Only Be Won Via A Move Where Both Feet Leave the Ground

Sabian vs. Antonio Rocca

[/b][/center]

Backstory:
Sabian challenged Antonio Rocca to a match after Rocca claimed "people like him" were ruining America today, which General Manager David Batista then designated a "flippy shit match" where their feet would always leave the ground. Upon the overcrowding of the card, and the introduction of two great NWA Heavyweight Champions toward the end of the match, the two wrestlers were consolidated into a #1 contender's rumble from which they were the first two eliminated. Unimpressed, Batista forced them to delay their singles match further, putting them in an odd-couple tag team to contend for the TLC match given their high-flying expertise. While they were successful in defeating Lou Thesz and Rikidozan in a hardcore match the legends were unfamiliar with, they were subsequently ejected from contention when GM Batista discovered them fighting backstage. Thinking they would be unable to co-exist, Batista brought back the “Flippy Shit Match” so that the two could beat the hell out of each other in the ring.

Highlights:

*Rocca starts off playing mind games with Sabian, jumping up with every punch and kick and armdrag, as though he is about to try a cover. Sabian reverses the offensive by using his natural skill with the ropes to come off with a crossbody for a two-count.
*Sabian pulls Rocca up by both arms and nails a CURB STOMP to Rocca's face! However, Sabian is incapable of understanding that "both feet" leaving the ground means "more than one". He ends up going to the top rope for the Spike Stomp, but Rocca rolls out of the way.
*Sabian comes off the top rope with a lariat, but Rocca jumps up HIGH and nails Sabian with a missile dropkick in midair! Sabian falls to the ground and Rocca goes for the cover! 1-2-3!

Legends Title #1 Contender Scramble
Last to gain a fall after 20 minutes is the #1 Contender

Lou Thesz vs. Rikidozan vs. El Hijo del Santo vs. Giant Baba

[/b][/center]

Backstory:
Lou Thesz and Rikidozan faced off against each other and El Santo on the very first show in a "Fathers of Wrestling" Match. It was expected that that match would lead into the awarding of the Legends Title somehow, but Sammartino was able to abuse Batista's "Choose-Your-Stipulation" rule to put the title on the line in his match, rendering Lou Thesz's victory meaningless. Rather than be fast-tracked as a #1 contender, however, he was aced out by Giant Baba following Baba using his Money in the Bank win to gain a Legends Title shot. Baba went on to lose the match and seeks to redeem himself following a win here. Instead, Thesz was forced into a TLC contender's match partnering with Rikidozan in a hardcore match the likes of which they were both unfamiliar with and subsequently lost. El Hijo del Santo has no particular history with these men, but given that Rey Misterio would be wrestling alone on this card, Batista offered to sign him up for the match, assuring him that he had qualified for "Legend" status despite his relatively young age.

Highlights:
*The first fall goes to Giant Baba after Thesz and Rikidozan whip him into the ropes and he comes off with a double clothesline, followed by a running neckbreaker to El Hijo del Santo who he then gets a pin on!
*After Baba is stumbling from a hard overhead chop by Rikidozan, El Hijo del Santo comes off the top rope with a crossbody and manages a pin on the stunned Baba! El Hijo is summarily clotheslined out of the ring by Lou Thesz as Rikidozan low-dropkicks Baba to the outside.
*With Baba and El Hijo outside the ring and the clock winding down, Lou Thesz locks in the STF on Rikidozan. Rikidozan, knowing he will not be able to take Thesz down in a short period of time and thereby lacking incentive to suffer, taps out to the STF. After a few seconds, the clock runs out. Lou Thesz is the #1 Contender!

Grudge Match for the CNLL Legends Title

Bruno Sammartino (c) vs. Pedro Morales

[/b][/center]

Backstory:
Batista, noticing Bruno Sammartino and Pedro Morales had dropped surprisingly far in the PWA draft, snatched them both up for a match despite Sammartino's heavyweight status. Sammartino was especially keen on getting a second chance to beat Morales, and abused Batista's Choose-Your-Stipulation offer to make the Legends Title awarded based on the results of their match. Sammartino won the match with rope assistance without Morales knowing. However, Giant Baba had been hot-shotted into a Money in the Bank Rumble earlier that night, using his considerable size to pull out the victory over Daivari at the end. He then challenged Sammartino to a title match immediately after witnessing his chicanery. Baba fell to Sammartino after an injury to his knee, but immediately after Sammartino snubbed Baba at the end of the match, he discovered that "The Hot-Blooded Puerto Rican" Pedro Morales had found out about Sammartino's cheating ways, and had gone to Batista asking for a rematch against the original Italian hero.

Highlights:

*Morales starts off as a House 'o Fire, wailing on Sammartino with punches while Sammartino primarily works on evading, ducking between ropes and weaving back and forth.
*Sammartino shoves Morales shoulder-first into the newly exposed turnbuckle. Sammartino quickly locks in the Italian Hammerlock tight on that same arm, injured last week by Dean Malenko, and forces Morales to the ground. After much struggling and even more cursing, Morales is forced to tap out. Sammartino retains!

U-S-A! U-S-A! Match
Only REALLY AMERICAN Weapons Are Legal (Baseballs, Apple Pie, Grandma, etc.)

Shawn Daivari vs. Ernie Ladd/Karl Malone

[/b][/center]

Backstory:
Ernie Ladd, legendary heel and Republican fundraiser, specifically requested to join the company to go after outspoken leftist Shawn Daivari, who had recently become a fan favorite with the liberal Connecticut audience. Upon the overcrowding of the card, and the introduction of two great NWA Heavyweight Champions toward the end of the match, Batista requested that all six wrestlers merge into one rumble for the first show, with the incentive of a #1 Contender shot for any title they wanted in the balance. Daivari went to the end with Giant Baba, but fell short of claiming his World Title Shot. Instead, he faced Ladd in a Flag Match by Ladd's request--with the Iranian flag in one corner and the American flag in another. Victorious against Ladd, he waved both the Iranian and American flag side by side, in a salute to fighters for freedom everywhere. Ladd decided to use his contacts at the front office to up the ante for the following week--securing the contract of fellow African American Republican fundraiser (they're two of the four!) and basketball great Karl Malone in exchange for a handicap match against Daivari, with the intent to silence his constant critiques of US foreign policy, particularly given his new role as a fan favorite.

Highlights:

*Ernie Ladd gets an early advantage by coming in and striking Daivari with a baseball bat to the back, but Daivari catches it on the fourth swing and manages to pop it up into Ladd's nose, fracturing it slightly.
*Outside the ring, Karl Malone chucks an apple pie at Daivari, but Daivari ducks and Ernie Ladd catches it in the face. All have a good laugh, except then Daivari bounds off the barricade and nails Ladd with a leaping shining wizard kick. Karl Malone attempts to pick a grandmother up from the audience to throw at Daivari's head, but they are all rather resistant.
*Karl Malone gets Daivari up for a big vertical suplex, but Daivari powers out and instead lands a double-arm DDT on Malone. He goes up top and pulls out a carpet from behind the turnbuckle with a big ol' American flag on it. Jumps off, MAGIC CARPET RIDE! 1-2-3, that's all she wrote.

Bra and Panties Gauntlet for a Shot at the Women’s Title


Torrie Wilson vs. Major Gunns vs. Lizzy Borden vs. Melina vs. Jacqueline vs. Linda Miles vs. Alicia Fox

[/b] [/center]

Backstory: Oy, where to begin...

Melina was drafted by Batista and was excited to be awarded the CNLL Women's Championship--until she found out it was based on their sexual history alone. She then lost her title in the three-way cage match Batista assigned her to as punishment after Alicia sneak-attacked her and bashed the steel door into her head. As lumberjills in the Beth/Jazz match the following week, both Melina and Torrie (who Alicia had attempted to assault the week before until Melina got involved) went after Alicia, but Alicia incapacitated them both, including a Singapore Cane shot that sent Melina to the hospital after it was found to have aggravated her previous head injury. Meanwhile, Major Gunns had been seeking retribution for Lizzy Borden's humiliation of her in XPW and Linda/Lizzy's assault on her and Jacqueline at the debut show, and got some measure of this following a during-match beatdown at the lumberjill match.

Highlights:
*Major Gunns strips Torrie Wilson while only losing her top, but loses her britches to a belt-wielding Lizzy.
*Lizzy attempts to choke Gunns out when Melina runs in and frees Gunns, stripping Lizzy down in a matter of a minute.
*Jacqueline and Melina have a long back and forth, with Jacqueline losing her top following a tree of woe set-up, but Melina losing her top and bottoms following a Tornado DDT.
*Linda then comes in and a brawl ensues, with Jacqueline finally losing her pants following a Big Boot knockout.
*Alicia enters and stares down Linda. The two then smile at each other and both remove their own clothing at the same time. They are announced as co-winners to the confused audience, with Alicia raising Linda's hand in victory.

JR: Co-Winners? We can't have co-winners! Beth Phoenix will have to deal with a triple threat, with these two obviously in cahoots!

Sadistic Madness Match

David Batista vs. Abdullah the Butcher

[/b] [/center]

Backstory:
From his initial placement as #1 Pick, Jericho was assured a spot in the World Title Match, despite his constant antagonism (and with hired gun Lashley, assault) of GM Batista. In choosing Jericho's match's stipulation, Batista sought a measure of revenge by making his match against the great technical wrestler Dean Malenko a Best of Three Falls match, with the second decided by submission and the third allowing a fall anywhere. Jericho managed to win the match by incapacitating Malenko with a foreign object before executing a huge Lionsault. Batista, incapable of challenging Jericho to a match to get his revenge on him so long as Jericho needed to defend his light-heavyweights-only title, decided to almost force the belt off of Jericho in a four-man gauntlet match which Jericho would start. He was successful in this endeavor, with the belt going to Dean Malenko and then CM Punk. However, Jericho managed to trick Batista into thinking that he had lost his GM authority, convincing him to sign on to a match to be determined later against an unnamed wrestler he had traded Lashley to the NCWF for. That man is Abdullah the Butcher, and in order to wear down Batista sufficiently for their later match, Jericho named it a "Sadistic Madness Match", where your opponent can only be pinned once bleeding.

Quick n' Dirty Result:
Batista is busted and torn open via Abdullah's fork, while Abdullah is busted open by a chair shot from Batista. Abdullah gets the cover following a Sudanese Meat Cleaver elbow drop, after which Batista is seen coughing up blood.

Non-Title Street Fight
If Jazz Loses, She Will Not Receive Another Title Shot

Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Jazz

[/b] [/center]

Backstory:
Both Beth and Jazz got a shot at Melina's title in the steel cage due to Batista's anger with her, and Beth emerged victorious with the belt. Beth won the title afterward, with Melina partially incapacitated by a sneak-attack by Alicia. Rather than allow Melina a direct chance, Batista chose to give Jazz the rematch for the time being due to his remaining annoyance at the former champion. Jazz was in control for much of the match, but following a hard and awkward bump onto the steel steps from the ring, Jazz was unable to power out of a Phoenix cover. Now, she challenges Beth to One Last Match--non-title, in her traditional setting of a street fight--in order to prove that she deserves to maintain her status as top contender of the women's division.

Quick n' Dirty Result: Jazz wins following a hard shovel shot to the head of Beth, knocking her out cold.

Fight to End the Feud

Rey Misterio vs. Mil Mascaras

[/b] [/center]

Backstory:
Rey Misterio was originally going to face Malenko and Jericho for the world title, but El Santo, angry about what he saw as Misterio's slights against lucha libre, demanded to face him or quit. When Santo agreed to step into the Legends Match, he was compensated by being replaced with Mil Mascaras and Gory Guerrero (with his own grudges against Rey using his family name) in a handicap match--until his own son, El Hijo de Santo, decided to step in and offer his services as Rey's partner. Due to Rey's status as a former world champion and his original contract stating he would have a world title shot, their tag match was combined into the TLC Match so that Rey's team would have a shot at the tag titles. Rey's team fell short, due in part to the single-minded assault of Mascaras and Guerrero, both during and after the match. With this in mind, GM Batista decided to give them a shot at a rematch, pairing up this time directly against El Santo with the reformation of the great lucha team La Pareja Atomica. The two teams earned the ladder stipulation, in part due to its ubiquity as the means of assault of Guerrero and Mascaras in the TLC match.

Highlights:
*Mil Mascaras actually attempts to ground Rey Misterio (unlike every other Mil Mascaras match, where he is being grounded), but after a successfull slam, he goes up top for the crossbody but is kicked to the outside by Rey Misterio.
*Rey Misterio wins following a 619, followed up by a Super Hurricarana and finally a Tornado DDT. Mascaras and Misterio shake hands after the match.

#1 Contender’s Match for the CNLL Light Heavyweight Championship

Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko

[/b] [/center]

Backstory:

Leading up to their original match to decide the inaugural CNLL Light Heavyweight Champion, Dean Malenko remained mostly silent and in training as Chris Jericho ran his mouth--though both scrupulously avoided criticizing the other, in part due to their long history together in WCW. At their Best of Three Falls Match, Jericho cheated to win the final fall after their count had gone 1-1. Malenko qualified for the second spot in the Batista-designed gauntlet match after a hard-won victory over Pedro Morales, and ended up defeating Jericho for the title after Jericho had put away Jerry Lynn. However, Punk was able to sneak attack Malenko immediately following his match, getting the 1-2-3 and taking the title for himself. This dual loss allowed both Jericho and Malenko to invoke their rematch clause, with this match determining whose will be given precedence.

*Quick n' Dirty Result: Malenko has Jericho up for the underhook powerbomb, but Jericho nails him with an unseen pair of brass knuckles. Malenko is able to follow through on the powerbomb, but not to capitalize. Both opponents have their legs on top of each other, leading to a double-count by Shinya. Shinya argues with officials following the match, but the decision is unclear.

Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match for the CNLL Tag Team Championships


3 Count (Hurricane and Shannon Moore) (c) vs. La Pareja Atomica (El Santo and Gory Guerrero) vs. Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty) vs. Sir Ronald Killings/Gangster George

[/b][/center]

Backstory: Everything that's happened in this entire company.

Well, not quite. 3 Count was reformed when both Shannon Moore and Hurricane were drafted from the Matte Wrestling Federation, and Shannon Moore pulled Hurricane into the tag team clearly against his will. To his great chagrin, Hurricane witnessed Shannon Moore take the belts down from the ladder in the inaugural TLC match, making them the tag team champions. Batista decided to grant Hurricane his wish, giving him a shot at the World Title Gauntlet--but Shannon Moore's ill-timed interference disqualified him in his qualifying match against CM Punk. After El Santo brought Gory Guerrero back to the company to help him in his war on Rey Misterio, he decided to reform the legendary tag team of La Pareja Atomica after Mascaras/Guerrero failed to win the first TLC, with La Pareja qualifying after defeating Rey Misterio and El Santo's own son, El Hijo del Santo. Ron Killings and Gorgeous George became a tag team after Killings lost a match to George and became his "protege", Sir Ronald Killings. Despite defeating Too Cool, Killings was still hesitant on trusting George (who cheated to win their protege match). As a means of gaining Killings's trust, George decided to reform his appearance as Killings did for him, becoming "Gangster George". Meanwhile, Too Cool was able to get in this gauntlet match despite their loss to Killings/George after the team of Sabian/Rocca imploded.

Highlights:
*Hurricane and Scotty 2 Hotty are fighting atop a table. Hurricane Hurri-chokeslams Scotty off the table, only to then be put through the table by an El Santo dive from the top rope! El Santo bounds up, grabbing his wrists, but is met with a chair shot by Gangsta George.

GG: I RUN THESE STREETS, YO!

*Three ladders are set up in the middle of the ring--Grandmaster Sexay climbing one and Gory Guerrero and Ronald Killings atop the two others. Santo pushes Killings over, causing him to fall fifteen feet to the outside of the ring--where he is caught by Gangsta George!

Leno: Shit! What a lucky catch!

*Gory Guerrero marvels at the catch as well, only to have his ladder kicked over by Grandmaster Sexay, sending him plummeting to the floor. Grandmaster has the belts! Too Cool wins the CNLL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!



*After the match, Shannon Moore attacks Hurricane with a chair, screaming that he never cared about him or his success. He storms out of the arena to a veritable HURRICANE of boos.

CNLL Light Heavyweight Title Match

CM Punk (c) vs. Jerry Lynn

[/b][/center]

Backstory:

When CM Punk cheerfully introduced Jerry Lynn and tried to bond over their status as former ECW champions, Lynn expressed his discontent with the current version of ECW vis-a-vis the original. Ever the self-righteous prick, Punk verbally tore apart the old ECW, basically calling its wrestlers degenerate wife-beating druggies. This confrontation led to a Hardcore Match, with weapons provided by the fans in Bridgeport. CM Punk was victorious in that contest after a nasty Pepsi Plunge to Lynn through a barbed-wire covered table. However, GM Batista was so impressed by the effort of (and the fans' reaction to) Jerry Lynn that he offered him a shot in the Gauntlet. Lynn beat Mil Mascaras to qualify for the first spot in the gauntlet, but after being worn down by that first match he was not able to put away a fresh Light Heavyweight Champion in Chris Jericho. Meanwhile, CM Punk was given a chance to contend for the final seed since he had previously beaten Lynn. He easily won his match against Hurricane due to Moore prompting a disqualification, and was able to take advantage of a weakened Malenko who had just fought his second match of the night to deliver a GTS and become Light Heavyweight Champion.

Quick n' Dirty Result:
CM Punk wins with a GTS assisted with a loaded kneepad.

Match for the General Management of CNLL

Chris Jericho vs. David Batista (c)

[/b][/center]

Backstory:

All the back story on the Batista match + the fact that Jericho saw an opportunity in Batista's anger over Jericho's claims of General Management acquisition to not only insert the Abdullah match, but to make the Batista v. Jericho match a means of getting the General Management for himself, finally putting Batista under his control and protecting him from any difficult stipulation on his LH Title rematch should he win that match as well.

Quick n' Dirty Result:
*Jericho comes out rolling the bloody Batista on the stretcher as the crowd boos. He lets the stretcher roll down the ramp, causing Batista to crash head-first into the ring apron.
*Jericho then stomps on Batista, finally rolling him into the ring and going for the cover. 1-2-BATISTA KICKS OUT!
*Jericho wails on Batista with his fists, but Batista manages to push him off and take him down with a SPINEBUSTER! 1-2-No! Jericho kicked out in time despite being stunned.
*Jericho finally clips the stumbling and bleeding Batista off at the knees and locks in the Walls of Jericho. Batista is screaming and bleeding profusely, but refuses to quit. Eventually, after coughing up some more blood, he passes out in the hold from the pain and blood loss.
*Jericho refuses to let go of the hold for a while until security pulls him off. He then grabs a microphone.



Jericho: Hey assclowns! Did you forget that I am your new boss? Now let me discipline my own employee the way I want to discipline him!

The security guards oblige, and Jericho comes back in the ring with two chairs, slipping one under Batista's head. SINGLE-MAN CON-CHAIR-TO!

JR: NOT THIS WAY! NOT THIS WAY!

And ANOTHER! And ANOTHER! And ANOTHER! Jericho delivers a total of seven as the audience is throwing trash in the ring and booing.

Children are crying in the audience.




Jericho: You don't like that very much, huh? Too FUCKING bad! Dave wanted to screw me over, wanted to take away my title, and now he's paying the damn price!

Jericho brings the chair down on Dave's head again and again and again. Eventually, with the steel on the chair tinted red from the blood, he stops and rolls out of the ring as the EMT's swarm in.

JR: DAMMIT, JERICHO, DAMMIT! BATISTA MAY BE DEAD! HE DOESN'T CARE! HE'S A DAMN ANIMAL!

EMT: (audibly) We're going to need some more help out here...

(Fade out.)

Featuring The Best Announce Team in the Business, Jim Ross and Jay Leno!


And Your Referee...Shinya Hashimoto!

[Batman]

Things that rule:

Obama's speech (as always).

American Flag Magic Carpet.

Crying children.

[ALL CAPS]

Um... one thing. Since no performer can go UP the scale from the role in which he participated in wrestling, shouldn't these opening promos be from SENATOR Barack Obama?

[Chris Eco]

Eh, I read Lucky's rule as "limited to what they did in wrestling" which for Obama means I can only use him giving a televised promo. If that extends out to "giving a televised promo in the context of being a Senator and candidate for President of the United States", that's fine and doesn't change any of the substance from this round anyway.

But if we hold to that rule, that means if you win, you can't reference William Shatner's new role as a contributor to gonzo ballet. And that would be terrible.

[ALL CAPS]

Yes. yes it would. But I was only kidding anyway.

[Jack Quinn]

two very good cards, I may have to think about this one

[Deadly]

I'm giving the nod to Eco, but it's close.

[Byrntrigan]

This one was close. I dig both cards, but Angst gets the ducket.

[Mikey]

Both of these feds are great with some REALLY good work put into both of them. I can't decide.

[ALL CAPS]

AJ Styles is a Carolina Hurricanes fan.

[Byrntrigan]

Doctor Cube for President!

[creepy]

I'm voting Angst just to get them a little closer, as they're both pretty good. Made it 8-6.

[DevSop]

The further Eco goes, the better I can say my card was.

[salmonjunkie]

I would've voted Angst's card over your's. Dev.

These two are my favorites of this whole thing.

[DevSop]

Jul 23, 2009 3:33:50 GMT -5 salmonjunkie said:

I would've voted Angst's card over your's. Dev.

These two are my favorites of this whole thing.

Sexist.

[Chris Eco]

Given that this has been close the whole way, I'm going to make my case quickly.

For the earlier card: Sammartino vs. Morales is a main-event quality match, IMO. It's the dream match from the 1970's that only happened once and ended as a time-limit draw. And unlike guys like Thesz and Rikidozan who have grainy footage if any, you can actually check out quite a bit of their work on YouTube if you're too young (like me) to remember them in the ring and not at the announce table. I think the four-man scramble is a great match on reputation and wrestling quality, but I'd be surprised if most of you have seen all four in action. As for Batista/Abdullah, I'd say it is the best environment to showcase Batista--no technical wrestling, lots and lots of violence. Obviously,I agree with Sergei's comment from last round that Beth and Jazz are two of the best parts of (mainstream) women's wrestling over the past decade.

Later card: I think Jericho/Malenko speaks for itself as a potentially great match, and that Punk/Lynn is a fun matchup that I wanted the chance to re-do in a non-hardcore environment. Misterio v. Mascaras is a really exciting lucha matchup taking both of them in their prime, never mind historical implications. Due to my own biases toward high spots and hardcore stylings in cruiser matches, I'd rather see my own TLC match than anything else--there's so much going on storywise as well as in action. And obviously, the Jericho/Batista match is less a match than a memorable act of violence--a'la Brock Lesnar on Zach Gowen (if Zack Gowen was HUGE).

Is this a bit of a transition card in terms of endings? Yes. Though the matches are great, I don't intend to end my story with the simple all-the-bad-guys-win finish. Obviously, Misterio winning over Mascaras, Moore turning on Hurricane, George saving Killings's butt, the non-finish on Malenko/Jericho--it's all leading somewhere. I'm not excusing the card, I think it stands up on its own well. But I assure y'all, there is a plan.

[ALL CAPS]

Given that this has been close the whole way, I'll do the same.

Brian Pillman is insane and paranoid and he's in a cage with Chris Kanyon who is innovative and bumps like crazy.

Beer Money vs. Styles/Aries should just be great.

Disco vs. Cabana vs. Goldust... hilarity ensues.

Nova vs. Matt Bentley... solid flippy floppy.

Kaz Hayashi & Jimmy Yang & "Rock Hard" Duane Houston vs. Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens & Alex Koslov vs. Blitzkrieg & Amazing Red & Delirious... again, super fun spot fest-o-rama!

The rest of the card is filled with... well filler. But it's big tight-wearing meaty filler, so what do you care? If you aren't completely intrigued. Wait 'til next month's DESTINAWESOME X PPV, featuring the Super-Awesome Champion vs. the winner of a 10-man Heavyweight Battle Royal AND the first ever Ultimate X Steel Cage match. I assure y'all, there is a plan.

[ALL CAPS]

I tap. Good work, Eco.