HFWA Rd. 1: Habs vs. DevSop vs. BC
Sept 21, 2009 9:10:19 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2009 9:10:19 GMT -5
Habsy's Not So Dead Yet Fed!
Commissioner: Stu Hart
Announcer: Howard Cosell
Backstage announcer: Princess Di
We start things up with a 3 way dance for the IC title (title left vacant after the Rocket hit a ref across the head, Stu doesn’t alloy that type of behavior)
Maurice “Rocket” Richard vs Rasputin vs William the Conqueror
Next up we have a fall counts anywhere “you won’t conquer me asshole” match
William Wallace (king of the promo, make the Rock look like an ass) vs Genghis Khan
We follow that up with a face vs face match for the title of the fastest man on one lap
Ayrton Senna vs Gilles Villeneuve with special guess enforcer referee Dale Earnhart
In a tag team tactical battle of skill and holds to be JUDGED by the master tactician himself Sun Tzu!
We have the WW2 whiz kids Rommel and Patton vs the Savage duo Shaka Zulu and Geronimo
Then we a ladder match with two ex tag teams that finally feuded and split up
Romulus vs Remus vs Tupac vs Notorious BIG
Hoffa wants to know where is body is and in order to know this he will need to beat the shit out of the man who knows everything!
Hoffa vs Hoover (he always says Dam)
Final match of the night is for the heavy weight championship of the heavens!
Timothy McVeigh (champ) vs Sparta’s own Leonidas
VERSUS
DevSop's
Financed by John D. Rockerfeller
Announced by Geoffrey Chaucer and Audrey Hepburn
Opening Match: Alexander Hamilton vs. John Wilkes Booth w/Niccolo Machiavelli
Wild West Showdown: Doc Holliday & The Earps (Morgan & Virgil) vs. Jesse James, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Sword in the Stone: King Arthur vs. Ivan the Terrible
Guitar on a Pole: Kurt Cobain vs. Bradley Nowell
Brother's Revenge: Robert Kennedy vs. Lee Harvey Oswald w/Niccolo Macchiavelli
Movie Star Brawl: Heath Ledger (The Joker) vs. Brandon Lee (The Crow)
Mixed Tag Main Event: Marc Antony & Cleopatra vs. Bonnie & Clyde
VERSUS
BC's Lazarus Wrestling Federation
SF: Hello ladies and gentlemen, I am Sigmund Freud. LWF President for Life, Adi Amin is proud to being you the following card, perhaps because he has mother issues, but whatever.
Along with our play by play man, Gordon "the Great" Solie, and on color, Richard "Bad Mutha Fucka" Pryor, I now defer to our ring announcer, Vincent Price.
VP: Darkness surrounds us everywhere you turn. The fans are thirsty for blood...
Adi Amin is making a throat slashing gesture from his Presidential Box.
RP: Dude is crazy!
VP: Our first match is right up my alley. Behold, two of the creepiest, evilest minds to ever take to the page or screen. I present to you, Edgar Allan "The Raven" Poe, versus Alfred Hitchcock.
GS: This should be a great matchup. Hitchcock has the size advantage. Poe, a former University of Virginia student, may have the mental edge.
RP: If the crackah is sober.
VP: Now it is time for a true clash of the titans. One man became the ruler of the Meditarranean. The other man became the first Roman Emperor. Who is the true ruler of the Greek & Roman world? We're about to find out. Ecorted to the ring by his lovely bride, Livia Drusilla, I present to you, Roman Emperor Octavian Augustus! And his opponent, escorted by a large troop of large, oiled up men for some strange reason...Alexander the Great!
GS: Octavian can not match the sheer power of Alexander the Great. He will need to outsmart him.
RP: Watch that girl, Livia. Bitch is crazy!
VP: Now we have a true treat for you. This is a special Tudors' Revenge Match. *famouse Vincent Price laugh* In the blue corner, we have one of the most famous English kings to ever live. He had eight wives, most whom he put to death. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...King Henry VIII!
In the red corner, we have a tag team of two of the most famous women in history. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. *famous Vincent Price laugh again* I give to you, Anne Boleyn, and her daughter...Queen Elizabeth I!
GS: Can Henry overcome the numbers here?
RP: Who cares, Anne Boleyn is fine!
VP: The Pharaohs of Egypt ruled their worlds with extreme ruthlessness and were gods among men.
Price looks up to Amin, who seems to like that idea.
VP: In an all time first, we will present to you a war between three of the larger than life Pharoahs of Egypt. First, accompanied by his lovely wife, Queen Nefertiti, I present to you, the Aten, the lord of the one true sun god...Akhenaten!
Next, we have the boy king, with a treasure so vast, it is still legendary. Ladies and gentlemen...King Tutankhamen!
Finally, we have the man, the myth, the legend. He lived for over eighty years in a time when men often didn;t live into their thirties. he had one hundred sons and outlived most of them. I present to you, the greatest of all the Pharaohs...Ramses II...Ramses the Great!
RP: One hundred sons! Is he related to Shawn Kemp?
GS: If Ramses doesn't take this, I'll be greatly surprised.
VP: Now, I know you all like to see women fight. 'Tis truly a glorious sight. So for your viewing pleasure, we will now have a four way match for the LWF Women's Championship. The participants will be...
Anne "the Witch of Tudor London" Boleyn!
The Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I!
The Enigmatic Queen of Egypt...Nefertiti!
Finally, Margaret "the Prime Minister of Pain" Thatcher!
RP: Nefertiti, my Nuban goddess. And why the hell is Elizabeth a virgin? Bitch, don't be afraid of dick.
VP: And Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for. The grudge match of all grudge matches. The mere idea of this matchup is indeed blasphemus, but we present it to you anyway, because we laugh in the face of death and dispair! *famous Vincent Prince laugh* First, he is the Prophet of Islam. He saved the world from sin and and guided a people on a path to rightousness. He leaves the heaven of forty virgins to wage war, ladies and gentlemen, with his lovely child bride A'isha Bint abi Bakr by his side.... the Purple Pony himself, Mohammed!
Now, it is time to welcome the Messiah. The man that turned water into wine, the man that died for your sins, and tonight, he will sin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, accompanied by his "supposed" wife, Mary Magdalene, Jesus! Christ!
RP: Oh Jesus Christ!
Commissioner: Stu Hart
Announcer: Howard Cosell
Backstage announcer: Princess Di
We start things up with a 3 way dance for the IC title (title left vacant after the Rocket hit a ref across the head, Stu doesn’t alloy that type of behavior)
Maurice “Rocket” Richard vs Rasputin vs William the Conqueror
Next up we have a fall counts anywhere “you won’t conquer me asshole” match
William Wallace (king of the promo, make the Rock look like an ass) vs Genghis Khan
We follow that up with a face vs face match for the title of the fastest man on one lap
Ayrton Senna vs Gilles Villeneuve with special guess enforcer referee Dale Earnhart
In a tag team tactical battle of skill and holds to be JUDGED by the master tactician himself Sun Tzu!
We have the WW2 whiz kids Rommel and Patton vs the Savage duo Shaka Zulu and Geronimo
Then we a ladder match with two ex tag teams that finally feuded and split up
Romulus vs Remus vs Tupac vs Notorious BIG
Hoffa wants to know where is body is and in order to know this he will need to beat the shit out of the man who knows everything!
Hoffa vs Hoover (he always says Dam)
Final match of the night is for the heavy weight championship of the heavens!
Timothy McVeigh (champ) vs Sparta’s own Leonidas
VERSUS
DevSop's
Financed by John D. Rockerfeller
Announced by Geoffrey Chaucer and Audrey Hepburn
Opening Match: Alexander Hamilton vs. John Wilkes Booth w/Niccolo Machiavelli
Wild West Showdown: Doc Holliday & The Earps (Morgan & Virgil) vs. Jesse James, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Sword in the Stone: King Arthur vs. Ivan the Terrible
Guitar on a Pole: Kurt Cobain vs. Bradley Nowell
Brother's Revenge: Robert Kennedy vs. Lee Harvey Oswald w/Niccolo Macchiavelli
Movie Star Brawl: Heath Ledger (The Joker) vs. Brandon Lee (The Crow)
Mixed Tag Main Event: Marc Antony & Cleopatra vs. Bonnie & Clyde
VERSUS
BC's Lazarus Wrestling Federation
SF: Hello ladies and gentlemen, I am Sigmund Freud. LWF President for Life, Adi Amin is proud to being you the following card, perhaps because he has mother issues, but whatever.
Along with our play by play man, Gordon "the Great" Solie, and on color, Richard "Bad Mutha Fucka" Pryor, I now defer to our ring announcer, Vincent Price.
VP: Darkness surrounds us everywhere you turn. The fans are thirsty for blood...
Adi Amin is making a throat slashing gesture from his Presidential Box.
RP: Dude is crazy!
VP: Our first match is right up my alley. Behold, two of the creepiest, evilest minds to ever take to the page or screen. I present to you, Edgar Allan "The Raven" Poe, versus Alfred Hitchcock.
GS: This should be a great matchup. Hitchcock has the size advantage. Poe, a former University of Virginia student, may have the mental edge.
RP: If the crackah is sober.
VP: Now it is time for a true clash of the titans. One man became the ruler of the Meditarranean. The other man became the first Roman Emperor. Who is the true ruler of the Greek & Roman world? We're about to find out. Ecorted to the ring by his lovely bride, Livia Drusilla, I present to you, Roman Emperor Octavian Augustus! And his opponent, escorted by a large troop of large, oiled up men for some strange reason...Alexander the Great!
GS: Octavian can not match the sheer power of Alexander the Great. He will need to outsmart him.
RP: Watch that girl, Livia. Bitch is crazy!
VP: Now we have a true treat for you. This is a special Tudors' Revenge Match. *famouse Vincent Price laugh* In the blue corner, we have one of the most famous English kings to ever live. He had eight wives, most whom he put to death. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...King Henry VIII!
In the red corner, we have a tag team of two of the most famous women in history. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. *famous Vincent Price laugh again* I give to you, Anne Boleyn, and her daughter...Queen Elizabeth I!
GS: Can Henry overcome the numbers here?
RP: Who cares, Anne Boleyn is fine!
VP: The Pharaohs of Egypt ruled their worlds with extreme ruthlessness and were gods among men.
Price looks up to Amin, who seems to like that idea.
VP: In an all time first, we will present to you a war between three of the larger than life Pharoahs of Egypt. First, accompanied by his lovely wife, Queen Nefertiti, I present to you, the Aten, the lord of the one true sun god...Akhenaten!
Next, we have the boy king, with a treasure so vast, it is still legendary. Ladies and gentlemen...King Tutankhamen!
Finally, we have the man, the myth, the legend. He lived for over eighty years in a time when men often didn;t live into their thirties. he had one hundred sons and outlived most of them. I present to you, the greatest of all the Pharaohs...Ramses II...Ramses the Great!
RP: One hundred sons! Is he related to Shawn Kemp?
GS: If Ramses doesn't take this, I'll be greatly surprised.
VP: Now, I know you all like to see women fight. 'Tis truly a glorious sight. So for your viewing pleasure, we will now have a four way match for the LWF Women's Championship. The participants will be...
Anne "the Witch of Tudor London" Boleyn!
The Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I!
The Enigmatic Queen of Egypt...Nefertiti!
Finally, Margaret "the Prime Minister of Pain" Thatcher!
RP: Nefertiti, my Nuban goddess. And why the hell is Elizabeth a virgin? Bitch, don't be afraid of dick.
VP: And Finally, the moment you have all been waiting for. The grudge match of all grudge matches. The mere idea of this matchup is indeed blasphemus, but we present it to you anyway, because we laugh in the face of death and dispair! *famous Vincent Prince laugh* First, he is the Prophet of Islam. He saved the world from sin and and guided a people on a path to rightousness. He leaves the heaven of forty virgins to wage war, ladies and gentlemen, with his lovely child bride A'isha Bint abi Bakr by his side.... the Purple Pony himself, Mohammed!
Now, it is time to welcome the Messiah. The man that turned water into wine, the man that died for your sins, and tonight, he will sin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, accompanied by his "supposed" wife, Mary Magdalene, Jesus! Christ!
RP: Oh Jesus Christ!
