[Chris Eco]

George H.W. Bush is ROCKING OUT! to start his announcement.



GHWB: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO. My fellow Americans, I welcome you to the new era of the PHWF! We have our first card booked and ready to go and--

Voice: Um...that can't possibly be true.



Super Mario: We...we don't even have any wrestlers yet.

GHWB: We have a few! They were in the other thread!

Super Mario: That's....that's still not that many people. How are we going to get a champion?

GHWB: That's easy. You there!

Eric O'Mac: Yes, Mr. President?

GHWB: Congratulations! You're the PHWF Quadruple Crown Champion! I even made you a belt.



Eric: ...This looks really stupid. But it's still a belt. Hey, can I be the tag team champions too?

GHWB: I don't see why not?

Mario: Because he's not two people.

GHWB: Ah. That's a good reason why not. When was the last time you saw two people together?

Mario: There were these guys in an IHOP...

GHWB: Great! I declare IHOP to be the inaugural PHWF Campeones de Los Tags!

Mario: ...

GHWB: I made them belts!


Mario: Those...those are just regular belts.

GHWB: Onto the lineup!

PHWF 9 Lineup (11-30-10): The Re-Reckoning
TAPED from Hartford, CT!

Eric O'Mac vs. BRICK~!
Judy Bagwell on a Pole Match for the PHWF Quadruple Crown Championship

IHOP (SYB/Skurge) v. Mario/Luigi
Pipes, Ladders and Mushrooms Match for the PHWF Campeonato de Los Tags.

Patrick O'Tremblay v. Steve The Viking v. Steve O'Tremblay the Canadian Viking
Canadian Viking Rules Match

Comrade Sharkoff v. Mr. Yay America Good Guy
Thanksgiving Food Fight

Attitude Adjuster's Totally Open Challenge Except Mostly Open To Johnny Adrenaline But Maybe The Iron Sheik If He Can Make It

"The Croatian Sensation" Zoran Zoric v. "Sack O' Potatoes" Connor O'Day

Mario: ...So that's awesome, but still not very many people.

GHWB: Yes, well, that's the beauty. As people introduce themselves and join below, they will be added to the card!

Mario: And if no one joins?

GHWB: Then we shall be a city on a hill. Screaming into the darkness.

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to a different IHOP, where SYB is at a table writing some notes on a pad of paper. SYB hides what he was writing as Skurge enters and joins him at the table…

Skurge: Are you happy with IHOP?
SYB: The coffee’s not great, but the foods decent, and the portions are a good size.
Skurge: I meant our stable, dipshit.
SYB: Oh. Of course I am. It’s great to have everyone back together again, and they just handed us the tag belts (I call white, by the way). What’s not to love?
Skurge: I guess. I’ve just been thinking that if we’re going to take our talents to PHWF, we might want to hit the reset button while we’re at it, eh? New team name, new ring gear, the whole deal.
SYB: Hurm. I dunno. What do you have in mind?
Skurge: Well, we could just keep it simple: you’re SYB, I’m Skurge, and together, we’re SS!
SYB: SS? Try again, chief.
Skurge: Fair enough. I wasn’t in love with that one anyway. What if we adopted a gimmick where we’re big-game hunters and wore matching safari clothes? We could be the Brown Shirts!
SYB: The Brown Shirts? Yeah, I don’t think so.
Skurge: Huh. Well, we’re both Star Wars fans. What aboot the Storm Troopers?
SYB: Are you trying to get your ass kicked?
Skurge: More of a Rebel guy, eh? Okay, well, we like to have fun, right? What about the North American Zany–
SYB: Stop right fucking there, asscock. I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but you need to get the fuck out of my sight right now.
Skurge: Jesus, man. You need to calm down, eh? I was just tossing oot some ideas.
SYB: Well, go toss them somewhere else.

*Skurge leaves, and SYB goes back to his notes…

SYB: (mumbling) Let’s see…new team names…so far, I’ve got Porch Monkeys, Camel Jockeys, Spearchuckers…ugh. I can’t think right now. I can’t believe what a racist that fucking Eskimo of a partner of mine is.

*FADE*

[Habs]

*At the American Consulate in Montreal a frustrated Patrick O'Tremblay tries to get his point across

POT (with a strong French Canadian accent that George St-Pierre stole from him): What do you mean 6 weeks and I should have it in the mail! I don't want my visa for Christmas! It is not a gift from le père noël tabarnak!

Clerk Sir, please stay calm, it's standard procedure, we need to do a background check and all and it take 6 weeks.

POT : you want to see my back! Here have a look!
*removing his shirt and showing a tattooed back with a Celtic cross amongst other symbols

POT now you see my back, can I have visa?

Clerk: Sir, we can't really do anything procedures are procedures.

POT But I'm scheduled to kick Steve The Viking v. Steve O'Tremblay the Canadian Viking asses on November 30th at the Re-Reckoning in a Canadian Viking Rules match!

Clerk WTF is a Canadian Viking Rules Match?

POT Who cares, it's my chance to make it big time, show the world what I'm made of, avenge Brett Hart and the Montreal Screwjob and kick some Viking ass!

Clerk Wait did you say you were going to fight Steve the Viking?

POT Oui and another chump!

Clerk Sir, as God is my witness, you will be at that match! (turning around to another consulate employee) Get me the President on the line we have a code 33424.

Other employee You have an wrestler that needs a visa quickly to fight Steve the Viking?

Clerk I'm afraid so

Other employee : President Obama is on line 2

*Fade*

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in on Skurge, who is walking the halls of HSBC Arena in Buffalo, NY. A pirate cameraman gets close enough to pick up on Skurge talking to himself…

Skurge: Sonofabitch. I guess it was worth a shot...Hey, pirate cameraman, get over here.
Pirate Cameraman Arrr, what can I do for ye, Cap’n Skurge? I’m really not supposed ta be consortin with the wrestlers, I’m not.
Skurge: No, you’re thinking of ninja cameramen. Pirate cameramen can pretty much do whatever they want. Look, do you know where The Re-Reckoning’s being held? I want to get there so I can start getting ready to defend my new tag titles.
PC: Arrr, I don’t be knowin nothin about yer event, matey.
Skurge: Damn. So why are you here in Buffalo?
PC: Arrr, this be the closest major arena to my condo.
Skurge: Yeah, me too. I figured I’d start here and hope I lucked into the right arena, eh? Well, looks like we’re SOL on this one. Wanna grab a beer?
PC: Only if ye don’t be havin any rum.
Skurge: I don’t be.
PC: Then beer it be, Cap’n.
Skurge: Then beer it be indeed.

*FADE*

[Attitude Adjuster]

Somewhere in Las Vegas, the WrestlePhone awakens a drunken gambler. A scruffy, fat, and pretty damn old man drags himself from the floor and answers the automated message from the WrestlePhone.

WP: You need to get your ass back in shape. The Pun's House Wrestling Association has reinvented itself. Their leaders claim to want to go back to 1980s style wrestling. They also claim every title match will be a Judy Bagwell on a Pole match. This confuses me. Nonetheless, a wrestling association is marketing itself as 80s style, which focuses on wrestling, wrestling storylines and wrestling promos. Since you tied a Loser Leaves Town match in the OOWF (historical details to follow), you've done nothing more than gamble, drink, get fat and get old. Get your ass off the floor and start cutting promos!

AA: I think I've been insulted by an automated message machine.

WP: You are correct, you (channeling Iron Shiek) Big! Fat! Slob! I challenge you to Persian Club Challenge! America! Hack! Pu-tuey! Iran! Number One! Cameraman, zoom in on abs!

AA: So you're telling me that I need to contact the PHWF, and that my first feud might be with the Iron Shiek?

WP: You American stupid fool! No, you're first feud will be with this man:

Nov 24, 2010 12:41:46 GMT -5 Mikey said:

Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are too old for this shit.

AA: He thinks I'm TOO OLD for this shit! That's it. I'm in. Johnny Adrenaline, you're too old! As soon as I tell someone that I've left my cats are in the enclosed pool area and that the garage side door is left open, I'm coming to...where am I going? Damn, they don't even say where the card is. These guys suck! How can I get a cheap pop if I don't even know where I am? Anyway, I'm coming to The Event (cheap pop from cast of The Event!), where I will call out Johnny Adrenaline and possibly attack the tag team champions to instantly wedge myself into a major title feud.

WP: What about the whole overweight and old thing?

AA: Shut the fuck up, Phone!

[Jack Quinn]

<Steve the Viking is talking to GM the Eco as they are walking down the hall toward the PHWF Meet and Greet Event>

StV: I am already here?

GMtE: Yes you are

StV: Where am I exactly?

GMtE: At the event

StV: Which is........where exactly?

GMtE: Right here

StV: I see

<long silence between them>

StV: HUSS!

GMtE: Is that your new catchphrase?

StV: It worked for Berzerker

GMtE: Not really, he kind of sucked

StV: Well, do you have something else in mind?

GMtE: What about "Trust Me"

StV: That kind of sucks too. I mean, the fans probably already trust me, so why would I have to keep reminding them to do it?

GMtE: That's the point, you hate the fans

StV: I do?

GMtE: You don't?

StV: I came here FOR the fans!

GMtE: Who are you again?

StV: Steve the Viking

GMtE: That doesn't sound like a Norse accent, where are you from?

StV: The mountains of North Carolina

GMtE: You are a Hillbilly Viking?

StV: Is that even possible?

GMtE: It is here

StV: I am a descendant of Eric the Red

GMtE: Really

StV: ok, not Eric the Red, but his lesser known cousin George the Mauve

GMtE: That's not a very impressive lineage. You sure you aren't that other guy?

StV: Who?

GMtE: The guy from the OOWF, he is always saying Trust in Me or something

StV: No, never heard of him, is he famous?

GMtE: No, I suppose not

StV: This promo seems to really be rambling

GMtE: Well, what about your match

StV: Why am I facing the O'Tremblay brothers, and what is a Canadian Viking Rules Match?

<silence passes between the two of them>

GMtE: So, HUSS! is your catch phrase huh

StV: Seems pretty short and to the point, and it looks cool on t-shirts

GMtE: Ok, so do you have entrance music?

StV: Yeah, "The Lost Vikings" by Dethklok

GMtE: That's pretty hardcore

StV: Vikings are hardcore, HUSS! See what I did there?

GMtE: I see. Anyone else you want to fight?

StV: I am just looking for a good match

GMtE: Ok we are here, let me introduce you to the guys. There are many great guys here, so don’t feel you have to meet everyone, we just want you to enjoy yourself while you’re here

<Steve the Viking adjusts his Viking helmet and grabs his sword and shield. They walk by several PHWF wrestlers and we catch bits of conversation>

Eric O’Mac: The PHWF has more titles to win than most feds, it is FAR superior to OTHERS……

GMtE: Hi there fellas! Meet Sam the Viking

StV: Steve

GMtE: Sven I’t like you to meet…..SYB……Skurge and The Amnesiac. Grab a seat and make yourselves at home! Don’t be shy about helping yourself to punch and cookies! But, uh, not too many, the budget is still kind of small.

<Steve the Viking makes small talk, then wanders off where he finds Comrade Sharkoff>

Comrade Sharkoff: I’m not going to say PHWF number one fed in US, but Kremlin thinks many comrades will either be joining PHWF, or they will not wrestle at all. Soviets will have all the titles in PHWF soon enough, and that proves Russian superiority! Everyone says OOWF is better, but we hate to seem…….like frontrunners

GMtE: Let the unacceptable wrestlers worry about being frontrunners over…..there, because soon enough our castoffs will be joining th…….

<GMtE notices Steve the Viking>

GMtE: You are……….Sam

StV: Steve

GMtE: I’m GM the Eco, General Manager of the OOWF, meet my friends, Eric O’Mac, PHWF Quadruple Crown Champion

StV: We already met.

EOM: We did?

StV: I had a WWE tryout in 2007
EOM: <clearly not remembering> RIIIIIIIGHT! You were that guy, that did that thing! Too bad you didn’t get the contract!

GMtE: ……and Attitude Adjuster, he just got here

AA: How are ya

StV: How are ya? HUSS!

GMtE: Over there is Mario, on half of the Devastating Mario Brothers tag team. Though, if his name is Mario, I am not sure how they are the Mario brothers? Is his last name Mario? Mario Mario sounds like a weird name. Course, so does Luigi Mario

GMtE: That’s Moderately Attractive Female Journalist 12, she is the main interviewer around here……and SYB……Skurge…….and The Amnesiac

StV: We’ve already met

GMtE: SUPER!

<GM the Eric walks back to the crowd, Steve the Viking looks around and smiles>

StV: Yep, I am going to like it here!

[Road Warrior Shark]

OOC

Nov 27, 2010 19:34:20 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

<Steve the Viking is talking to GM the Eco as they are walking down the hall toward the OOWF Meet and Greet Event>

Old Habits Die Hard, huh?

[Jack Quinn]

you have no idea how many times I had to correct that

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*FADE BACK IN TO THE PHWF MEET AND GREET EVENT*

SYB (clearly buzzed): Hear me oot, eh? I have a great new name for IHOP.
Skurge: How many cups of punch have you had, chief?
SYB: Fuck off, this is a beauty idea, eh?
Skurge: OK, let’s hear it.
SYB: GOAT.
Skurge: We can’t call ourselves GOAT, cock.
SYB: Did you just fucking call me a goat cock?
Skurge: I didn’t call you a goat cock, goat cock.
SYB: G-O-A-T – Greatest of All-Time...
Skurge: That miiiiight work.
SYB: Wait, is The Amnesiac sticking around?
Skurge: I think so.
SYB: It miiiiiight not.
Skurge: OOCH.
SYB: Yeah.
Skurge: OK, what else do you have?
SYB: Step Brothers.
Skurge: I’ll think aboot it. Let me get another beer, eh?

*FADE*

[Road Warrior Shark]

So. Have you had enough to eat this weekend? No? Please go have some more. Ya America Good Guy, eat all you want. I want to expose you and ALL Americans for the FAT LAZY SLOBS you are. Noone can stop Mother Russia! The Wave of Communism is spreading! and I, Comrade Sharkoff, Will be its CHAMPION! CCCP Number 1! USSR number 1!

[Deleted]

<The camera is zoomed in on two patent-leather wrestling boots as "The Final Countdown" by Europe chimes in over the speakers. As it pans up, wrestling tights come into view with one solid black leg and and the other leg entirely in a red-and-white checkered pattern. Panning all the way up, now, we are privy to the sight of a man with his arms crossed in an Alex Wright leather jacket and aviator sunglasses who has the stature and appearance of a dark-haired version of Ivan Drago from Rocky IV. The music volume lessens slightly, and the mysterious newcomer speaks.>

In my country, I am renowned for my talents both as an actor and wrestler. Women flock to me, and men want to be with me. I am... <tilts head back, spreads arms wide, and sniffs the air>... THE CROATIAN SENSATIAN, ZORAN ZORIC!!!

I dominate the Croatian nation with my Croatian oration and, if needed, some Croatian litigation. I have come to the PHWF to deliver some Croatian agitation to the top third-rate fantasy wrestlers in the world. I bring with me the top title from my Croatian nation and seek to one day unify it with all the titles in the PHWF. I introduce you all, to the United States of Croatia Superstar Title!!!



Prepare to feel the wrath of my 2 trademark finishing moves. I will deliver instant pain with my version of the Vertebreaker known as the Croatian Domination! And if I feel like making you squirm like the little pukes you all are before making you pass out, I'll slip on my perfected grapevine rear naked choke I call the Croatian Hibernation!

For my first match, I see they have presented me with "Sack O' Potatoes" Connor O'Day. He will be the first to experience first-hand the jaw-dropping power-aerial moveset. I will overwhelm him so thoroughly it may cause him to release some Croatian defecation. And as for the rest of the PHWF, consider yourselves on watch. I am not a Croatian imitation...

I AM FOR REAL...

[Habs]

POT Zoran gets a visa and I have to wait! Fuck that shit "I'd love to help with the visa, I really would but with the Wikileak stuff coming out, One of the Justices retiring, Republicans giving me a kick in the ass, bin Laden still hiding, the economy not going as well as I had hoped for, Michele giving me the cold shoulder because I didn't bring my glass of milk back to the dishwasher and left it in the living room, Hillary spying on the UN people, I just don't have time to look into your visa thingnie Patrick..." well that's alright Barak, next time you come and visit I will only give you light beer. But visa no visa, I will be at the Event (wherever that is) and I will face Steve the Viking. I don't care if I become one of the illegal aliens, I can run from the justice because I will deliver justice in the ring!

[Deleted]

***OOC: I think "The Illegal Alien" Patrick O'Trembley has a very nice ring to it.

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade into the PHWF meet and greet. All eight members of IHOP (SYB, Skurge, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, The Amnesiac, Monkh, Fezzik, Dr. Rumack, and John Cena) are at the buffet loading up their plates as Steve the Viking approaches…

Steve the Viking: HUSS! So, what’s for dinner?
Skurge: Fish or steak, eh?
StV: (pointing at Dr. Rumack) So why does he have lasagna?
Skurge: Is there something we can help you with, Steve?
StV: HUSS! Actually, I got over here a little late, and I don’t feel like waiting in line behind the “enhancement talent”–
SYB: The what now?
StV: The enhancement talent. You know, the jobbers?
SYB: Oh, I thought you were talking about my–
Skurge: Shut it, jooboy. Some of us would like to keep our appetites.
StV: HUSS! So anyway, I’m just going to cut in in front of you guys and get some food.
Dorothy Mantooth: Like hell you are. Back of the line, asshole.
StV: HUSS! But the back of the line’s way back–

*As he swings his arm up to point to the back of the line, Steve the Viking inadvertently catches the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth in the temple with a spork. Dr. Rumack, SYB, and Skurge immediately rush to her side…

SYB: Is she okay, doc?
Dr. Rumack: This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Skurge: A hospital? What is it?
DR: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
Skurge: (to StV) You’ll pay for this, you Viking fuck.
StV: HUSS! It was an accident! Trust–
Skurge: (to SYB) Let’s get him, eh?
DR: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.

*SYB and Skurge pounce on Steve the Viking, who swings his sword and shield around wildly, trying to fend off the attack. In the process, he manages to cut through the rope that’s holding the chandelier up. It falls with a massive crash, narrowly avoiding Dr. Rumack. The melee continues, and Steve the Viking somehow manages to cut through another rope, this time dropping a sandbag that also narrowly misses Dr. Rumack. Rumack finally senses the danger, so he turns and runs—right into the path of a stampeding herd of buffalo. The room goes quiet as everyone realizes what’s just happened. Steve the Viking is the first to speak…

StV: HUSS! Okay, there’s no way that was my f–

*Skurge knocks Steve the Viking out with a buffalo horn that he found on the ground. IHOP gathers around the fallen form of their medical advisor and friend. They’re torn between grief and rage over the loss of one of their own. Suddenly, Dr. Rumack’s voice is heard from behind the group, who turn, startled, to find a pale green visage of the doctor speaking to them…

Ghost of Dr. Rumack: Well that was different.
Skurge: What’s going on, eh? We thought you were dead.
GoDR: Oh, I’m dead alright. I’ve stopped living altogether.
IHOP: Oh, I’m dead alright. I’ve stopped living.
Skurge: If you’re dead, how are you here, eh?
GoDR: I guess I’m a ghost.
SYB: Surely, you can’t be serious?
GoDR: I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.
Skurge: So how do you feel aboot all this, Doc? Is there anything we can do to help you oot?
GoDR: Don’t worry about me, guys. I’m dead and loving it.



*FADE*

[Chris Eco]

I would just like to announce that, in the proudest tradition of the PHWF, I will be DELAYING~! the show by two days. Sorry; research project just got moved up.

[Deleted]

Well that also gives you time to edit that the Zoran Zoric match is for the United States of Croatia Superstar Title.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Standing in front of the PHWF Arena

So, this is how you Americans run things? I am here, dressed and ready. Where is my opponent? Where are the ignorant fans? The ring crew? Is it yet Another Holiday around here where work is not done to celebrate American thievery of native lands? In Russia, this would never happen. In Soviet Unions, there would be matches going on RIght Now! USSR Number 1!

Comrade Sharkoff walks away, grabs a nearby sleeping homeless man and HURLS him into the side of the building. CS wraps his ever present chain around his arm and charges as the homless man gets to his feet.. CHAIN ASSISTED SICKLE!!! CS grabs the Soviet flag and waves it until we fade......

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room, where Skurge and SYB are playing video games (as usual)…

Skurge: I still don’t understand why we have to play this 8-bit shit. Why do you even still own an NES, eh?
SYB: Are you kidding me? This thing’s going to be worth tons of money one day. It’s in mint condition!
Skurge: Okay, so part of being cheap is being a hoarder now? Fine. But why are we playing archaic games when we have a perfectly good PS3?
SYB: You never owned a Nintendo system growing up, right?
Skurge: Right. I was a SEGA guy.
SYB: So you never played the Super Mario Bros. franchise?
Skurge: What is that, like a pizza joint?
SYB: Sort of, except instead, it’s the most iconic video game franchise in history.
Skurge: Huh. Never heard of it. And I still don’t see what this has to do with anything.
SYB: Who are our opponents this week?
Skurge: Mario and Luigi. Didn’t catch any last names, eh? I figure they’re probably the stereotypical Italian version of that Max and Jeremy team.
SYB: Max and Jeremy? Never heard of them. Anyway, we’re facing Mario and Luigi in what type of match?
Skurge: Pipes, Ladders, and Mushrooms. I’m not up on the latest terminology, so I have no idea what “ladder” refers to, but I’m assuming a PLM match involves everyone getting fucked up on various drugs and fighting to the death.
SYB: *sigh* Not exactly. We’ve got Mario and Luigi. We’ve got pipes, ladders, and mushrooms. Now look at the game and tell me what you see.
Skurge: Hmmm…SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP~! This is 8-bit game film!
SYB: It suuure is. And keep your beer away from the system. I can’t have you spilling on it and ruining its book value.
Skurge: Wait, people spill beer? That’s just sick.
SYB: Riiight. Can we just play the game, please?
Skurge: Let’s do this.

*FADE*

[Habs]

*Patrick O'Tremblay as finaly made it to the PHWF after lying to Customs about the reason for his trip and passes in front of IHOP's locker room.

POT First a Russian guy beating the crap out of an homeless guy with his arm wrapped in chains and now these guys are playing video games. This is a joke or what? Time to bring back some credibility to this Federation. Now where's the gym so that I can work out and prepare for my match with the Viking!

*He enters the gym and we fade as the door closes behind him.

[Attitude Adjuster]

AA makes it to the building of WhereEverWeAre, United States. He sees the show is delayed.

AA: I chose the wrong day to give up gambling and drinking...

Just then, AA is attacked by an unknown man in a mask. AA gets a Big Time Wrestling beatdown. AA rolls around in pain for a moment, then stands back up, dusts himself off and addresses the camera.

AA: Well, that should get me into a high-level feud.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*Fade back into the palatial IHOP locker room*

SYB: You totally stole my star, shitdick!
Skurge: Sorry aboot that, chief.
SYB: You fucking piece of--- (he sees POT go by) --- Who the fuck is THAT mook?
Skurge: That's Patrick O'Tremblay.
SYB: Oh.
Skurge: ...
SYB: ... WHO?
Skurge: (turns to the camera) Patrick O'Tremblay just joined the PHWF. He will be facing Steve The Viking and Steve O'Tremblay the Canadian Viking in a Canadian Viking Rules Match at PHWF 9 Lineup (11-30-10): The Re-Reckoning TAPED from Hartford, CT!
SYB: I say we haze him.
Skurge: We don't haze, hoser.
SYB: The fuck we don't.

*SYB throws open the door to the palatial IHOP locker room and yells at POT as he's about to enter the gym.*

Skurge: Aboot.
Narrator: What?
Skurge: Aboot to enter the gym.

*SYB throws open the door to the palatial IHOP locker room and yells at POT as he's aboot to enter the gym.*

Skurge: A-thank you.
SYB: (to POT) Hey faggot, this is our joint here! We run Bartertown, savy?

*POT just shakes his head and goes into the gym*

Skurge: Easy, killer. He looks like a real tough guy, eh?
SYB: Fuck him. Doesn't he know I have a black belt?

*The camera zooms in on



as we fade*

[Deleted]

<The Croatian Sensation, Zoran Zoric is seen lacing up his boots as he witnesses the events of the hazing of Patrick O'Trembley on his TV.>

ZZ: What is this Croatian indignation? In my Croatian nation, white belts are only for women and The Ultimate Warrior. I must put a stop to this Croatian obfuscation!

<Zoran Zoric emphatically slams his travel suitcase shut and zips it up with extreme precision. He turns to the camera, tilts head back, spreads arms wide, sniffs the air, then points directly into the lens with a wide crazed look in his eyes.>

ZZ: I call upon YOU, my Croatian Congregation, to join me in this battle against Croatian indignation! I AM FOR REAL!... Come, Croatian dalmatian!

<Camera zooms low on the door as we see Zoran Zoric leave with a large, spotted canine by his side.>

[Habs]

*We are inside the prestigious PHWF library and Patrick O'Tremblay is sitting at a desk surrounded by a pile of what looks likes Dictionaries and Encyclopedias. The camera zooms on the one he is consulting now: The International Encyclopedia of Wrestling Rules and Matches Stipulations, 12th edition

POT Let's see we have Canadian Tibetan Rules Match, Canadian Unibrow Rules Match, Canadian Venetian Rules Match, Canadian Venusian Rules Match, Canadian Vulcan Rules Match...
Tabarnak, not even in this one is there any mention of a Canadian Viking Rules Match.

Anyways, makes no difference to me, it's a tree way dance and all I have to do is come out on top.

I don't play video games, I'm not obsessed over my mother land, I don't beat up on defenseless hobos with a chain, I don't let myself go in shady motel, I don't carry around a sword and a shield, all I do is wrestle.

Steve's I don't care if you're a Viking or an O'Tremblay, it's going to be a war, it won't be pretty, it won't be quick, you'll both need a shitload of pain killers the following morning, but once it's all said and done, it's my arm that's going to be raised in the center of the ring.

I got one goal and one goal only, and that's to win gold! A great wrestler always said "To be the man, you got to beat the Man!" Apparently that means I have to start with two Steves. So be it, but I want to be PHWF champ, and until I am, I fight whoever, whenever in any type of match!

Library woman: Sir, this is a library SHUT THE FUCK UP!

*FADE

[Road Warrior Shark]

I see a rebelios insurgent has shown his tratiorous face in the PHWF. One who comes from a people who defy the Iron Curtain and the superiority of Mother Russia.

I do not come here to make jokes about movies. I do not come here to show off. I come here to wrestle and spread the flag of the USSR. I cannot stand by as a treasonous man is allowed to walk free with no consequences

There will soon be a Yugoslaivan Mutilation unless you renounce your ways! Comrade Sharkoff Number 1! USSR Number 1!

[Spinch]

Deep inside a Batcave-esque Secret Lair...

Japanese-Irish Butler: Sir, there's something interesting that I've found. The wrestling organization known as the PHWF has re-formed and they're hosting an event.

Deep Voice: An event, O'Kanigawa? You don't say. I might have to look into this.

O'Kanigawa: You remember what happened last time you got involved with... an event... don't you?

Deep Voice: Yeah, but this time there's no chance that will happen again.

O'Kanigawa: We're still paying repirations to the prefecture!

Deep Voice: A mistake that won't be made twice. I'm going to have to watch this... event.

(Enough light shines to show a hulking form put on a steel gauntlet and then pick up an improbably large chain mace...)

Deep Voice: It's time that the world knows my name once more...

(Fade.)