Round 1: Drouin vs Gullett
Aug 30, 2012 12:47:22 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Aug 30, 2012 12:47:22 GMT -5
Which one of these two should move on in the King of the Ring tournament?
Jon Drouin
King of the Ring!
Chris and Andy,
Wow. What a week!
First of all, I am so excited to win my VERY FIRST TITLE on your show. While I’m sure the Heavyweight Champion is a prestigious title, The Intercontinental Championship has such a storied history. Now I get to have my name listed alongside legendary emailers like Chris Alt and Cam Gullett and Tom Roper. Thank you for this terrific honor.
But that’s just the start. Here I am, a brand new e-mailer to your show, a guy who hasn’t even received a single vote in the weekly competition, and suddenly I'm caught up in a whirlwind of competition and excitement! I’m in a headline feud as one of the final two emails. How does one prepare for such a big event? I can’t imagine.
Dustin Faber introduced me to your show, and let's be honest – he is clearly a role model of mine. He asked me to substitute for him in the King of the Ring, but let me make this clear: I am just a one week fill-in for #TeamFaber, but I will do my best to represent. And if I should be so fortunate to receive more votes than Cam this week, I will proudly step aside so Dustin Faber can return to his rightful place in this tournament. Anything to help Dustin.
But this is a terrible burden that I have to carry. While I enjoy listening to many of the personalities on this network, Cam Gullett is clearly my favorite regular host that is not named Chris Alt. So now, to honor Dustin Faber, and to uphold the rules and regulations of this honorable network and show, I need to write an email that directly confronts Cam.
I can’t imagine that anyone else on this network envies my position. Who wants to shoulder the burden of crafting an entire email devoted to mocking and insulting Cam Gullett? I mean, these King of the Ring emails usually read like evil, mean spirited comedy roasts, but here I am with an opponent who only deserves praise. Cam works hard on his own podcast, and selflessly pitches in to help other podcasts when they are short-handed. I hold no ill will towards Cam Gullett. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I find it honorable when everyone mentions Cam’s support for the Navy.
I've tried, but I am not strong enough. I cannot say a bad word about Cam. This burden is simply too much for me to bear. But one thing I’ve learned, is that when you are carrying a heavy burden, there is no shame in asking for help.
So I sought out the wisdom and words of another. I searched far and wide, and contacted a few other emailers and Flawedcast hosts, but I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to step up and help me write something negative about Cam Gullett. But just when I was about to give up hope, I found someone. I found someone who was willing to carry this burden, someone that was willing to write some things about Cam Gullett for this contest. Interestingly, this person was on your show about four weeks ago, but suddenly disappeared without a trace. I think everyone is wondering what happened, and if there would be a return.
Chris, I do need to speak directly to you for a moment. There will be some things said about Cam. But sadly, you do get caught in the crossfire. I want to be explicitly clear that these are not my words. I, Jon Drouin, am a huge Chris Alt fan, and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything critical about your behavior. It would mean a lot to me, if you would acknowledge that you understand this, and that the comments below are not mine, and are just part of this competition.
Are we good? OK.
Chris, if you are reading this email, I'd like to kindly ask you to step aside for just a moment, so that Andy may provide one of his patented Introductions:
There is one person with the fortitude to shoulder this burden.
There is one person who has previously dealt with Cam Gullet.
There is one person who has graciously volunteered to actually say a negative word about Cam Gullett.
Making a Triumphant Return to the Flawedcast Network and to Monday Night Flaw and to The MaleBag
From The United States of America…
From the County of Pulaski…
The One and Only…
SARAH ALT
Sarah writes:
“Annoying things about Cameron:
He's NEVER wrong.
His voice carries.... His regular talking voice is as loud as most people's yelling voice.
He thinks he's hysterical.
He likes Prince.
He refuses to believe that he's a Ginger, but it's written all over his face.
(His hair is mostly brown but his beard is as red as they come).
And you can tell him to keep his shoes off my coffee table.
He and Chris both act like their mothers never demanded that they keep their shoes off the furniture.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot follow Sarah’s phenomenal words with any amount of justice.
However, I must repeat myself. These are not my words. I don’t have anything bad to say about Cam, or Chris Alt, or even Cam’s mom. Sarah even mentioned Cam’s mom. Who on earth would ever bring her into this challenge?
#TeamFaber cannot be denied. I am honored to have played my very small part in this grand Tournament. I am merely a Steward for Sarah Alt's words, and I am merely a Knight in Dustin Faber's Army. Please join me in wishing Cam Gullet well, but voting for #TeamFaber. I look forward to listening to Dustin Faber in the next round.
Thanks again,
Jon Drouin.
Cam Gullett
Yo me quiere un poco de agujero de la gloria!
Dustin Faber, the man I nicknamed The Catholic Curbstomper is afraid to go
one...on one...with The Dashing Franchise? You'd think a good Catholic like
him wouldn't turn down just an easy opportunity to get up close and
personal with a raging homosexual like me, Cam Gullett!!
And now I am stuck in a match against this new comer, Jon whatshisname.
Between you and me I think this "church" that Jon and Dustin met at is
actually what we in the business like to call a "Truckstop Discotech."
Jon Drouin? More like Jon Droolin....for cock!
WWE is in Australia right now. Any chance Tom Roper finally gets his
opportunity to have Damien Sandow throw him around the ring like his own
personal Rosa Mendes?
Ziggler coming out to Jericho's music and using his entrance this week was
phenomenal. It reminded that it is actually possible to imitate Y2J without
being a humorless piece of shit. 'Sup Cliff Snotes?
On a completed unrelated note, I have officially sued Ryback for his
stealing my "Feed Me More" catchphrase as it is really causing confusion
amongst my many faithful customers.
Not sure if you guys saw the story or not, but one of the Funkadactyls got
arrested for a DWI recently. Apparently Cameron offered a $10,000 bribe for
the officers to let her go. I usually just offer up my services for an
upcoming bachelor party. Different scams for different Cams I suppose.
Jon Drouin is a man who has went by many names. Some might even go so far
to call him the man of a 1000 douchebags; copyright James Ryan.
Well I am the man of 1001 douchebags, as my many clients will attest: #1
Arnold Bar, #2 Armmie Barts, #3 Armel Baron, etc.
Jon Drouin is like a Hydra of asshole. Every head that gets cut off is just
replaced by an even less funny, but sometimes ethnic, asshole.
Is Cam Gullett breaking kayfabe too much in one email? Hi Dwayne and Phil!
Welcome to King of the Ring, Johnny Boy. Now put a dick in your mouth!
As always,
"The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!!
Jon Drouin
King of the Ring!
Chris and Andy,
Wow. What a week!
First of all, I am so excited to win my VERY FIRST TITLE on your show. While I’m sure the Heavyweight Champion is a prestigious title, The Intercontinental Championship has such a storied history. Now I get to have my name listed alongside legendary emailers like Chris Alt and Cam Gullett and Tom Roper. Thank you for this terrific honor.
But that’s just the start. Here I am, a brand new e-mailer to your show, a guy who hasn’t even received a single vote in the weekly competition, and suddenly I'm caught up in a whirlwind of competition and excitement! I’m in a headline feud as one of the final two emails. How does one prepare for such a big event? I can’t imagine.
Dustin Faber introduced me to your show, and let's be honest – he is clearly a role model of mine. He asked me to substitute for him in the King of the Ring, but let me make this clear: I am just a one week fill-in for #TeamFaber, but I will do my best to represent. And if I should be so fortunate to receive more votes than Cam this week, I will proudly step aside so Dustin Faber can return to his rightful place in this tournament. Anything to help Dustin.
But this is a terrible burden that I have to carry. While I enjoy listening to many of the personalities on this network, Cam Gullett is clearly my favorite regular host that is not named Chris Alt. So now, to honor Dustin Faber, and to uphold the rules and regulations of this honorable network and show, I need to write an email that directly confronts Cam.
I can’t imagine that anyone else on this network envies my position. Who wants to shoulder the burden of crafting an entire email devoted to mocking and insulting Cam Gullett? I mean, these King of the Ring emails usually read like evil, mean spirited comedy roasts, but here I am with an opponent who only deserves praise. Cam works hard on his own podcast, and selflessly pitches in to help other podcasts when they are short-handed. I hold no ill will towards Cam Gullett. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I find it honorable when everyone mentions Cam’s support for the Navy.
I've tried, but I am not strong enough. I cannot say a bad word about Cam. This burden is simply too much for me to bear. But one thing I’ve learned, is that when you are carrying a heavy burden, there is no shame in asking for help.
So I sought out the wisdom and words of another. I searched far and wide, and contacted a few other emailers and Flawedcast hosts, but I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to step up and help me write something negative about Cam Gullett. But just when I was about to give up hope, I found someone. I found someone who was willing to carry this burden, someone that was willing to write some things about Cam Gullett for this contest. Interestingly, this person was on your show about four weeks ago, but suddenly disappeared without a trace. I think everyone is wondering what happened, and if there would be a return.
Chris, I do need to speak directly to you for a moment. There will be some things said about Cam. But sadly, you do get caught in the crossfire. I want to be explicitly clear that these are not my words. I, Jon Drouin, am a huge Chris Alt fan, and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything critical about your behavior. It would mean a lot to me, if you would acknowledge that you understand this, and that the comments below are not mine, and are just part of this competition.
Are we good? OK.
Chris, if you are reading this email, I'd like to kindly ask you to step aside for just a moment, so that Andy may provide one of his patented Introductions:
There is one person with the fortitude to shoulder this burden.
There is one person who has previously dealt with Cam Gullet.
There is one person who has graciously volunteered to actually say a negative word about Cam Gullett.
Making a Triumphant Return to the Flawedcast Network and to Monday Night Flaw and to The MaleBag
From The United States of America…
From the County of Pulaski…
The One and Only…
SARAH ALT
Sarah writes:
“Annoying things about Cameron:
He's NEVER wrong.
His voice carries.... His regular talking voice is as loud as most people's yelling voice.
He thinks he's hysterical.
He likes Prince.
He refuses to believe that he's a Ginger, but it's written all over his face.
(His hair is mostly brown but his beard is as red as they come).
And you can tell him to keep his shoes off my coffee table.
He and Chris both act like their mothers never demanded that they keep their shoes off the furniture.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot follow Sarah’s phenomenal words with any amount of justice.
However, I must repeat myself. These are not my words. I don’t have anything bad to say about Cam, or Chris Alt, or even Cam’s mom. Sarah even mentioned Cam’s mom. Who on earth would ever bring her into this challenge?
#TeamFaber cannot be denied. I am honored to have played my very small part in this grand Tournament. I am merely a Steward for Sarah Alt's words, and I am merely a Knight in Dustin Faber's Army. Please join me in wishing Cam Gullet well, but voting for #TeamFaber. I look forward to listening to Dustin Faber in the next round.
Thanks again,
Jon Drouin.
Cam Gullett
Yo me quiere un poco de agujero de la gloria!
Dustin Faber, the man I nicknamed The Catholic Curbstomper is afraid to go
one...on one...with The Dashing Franchise? You'd think a good Catholic like
him wouldn't turn down just an easy opportunity to get up close and
personal with a raging homosexual like me, Cam Gullett!!
And now I am stuck in a match against this new comer, Jon whatshisname.
Between you and me I think this "church" that Jon and Dustin met at is
actually what we in the business like to call a "Truckstop Discotech."
Jon Drouin? More like Jon Droolin....for cock!
WWE is in Australia right now. Any chance Tom Roper finally gets his
opportunity to have Damien Sandow throw him around the ring like his own
personal Rosa Mendes?
Ziggler coming out to Jericho's music and using his entrance this week was
phenomenal. It reminded that it is actually possible to imitate Y2J without
being a humorless piece of shit. 'Sup Cliff Snotes?
On a completed unrelated note, I have officially sued Ryback for his
stealing my "Feed Me More" catchphrase as it is really causing confusion
amongst my many faithful customers.
Not sure if you guys saw the story or not, but one of the Funkadactyls got
arrested for a DWI recently. Apparently Cameron offered a $10,000 bribe for
the officers to let her go. I usually just offer up my services for an
upcoming bachelor party. Different scams for different Cams I suppose.
Jon Drouin is a man who has went by many names. Some might even go so far
to call him the man of a 1000 douchebags; copyright James Ryan.
Well I am the man of 1001 douchebags, as my many clients will attest: #1
Arnold Bar, #2 Armmie Barts, #3 Armel Baron, etc.
Jon Drouin is like a Hydra of asshole. Every head that gets cut off is just
replaced by an even less funny, but sometimes ethnic, asshole.
Is Cam Gullett breaking kayfabe too much in one email? Hi Dwayne and Phil!
Welcome to King of the Ring, Johnny Boy. Now put a dick in your mouth!
As always,
"The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!!
