MNF 37/Male Bag 20
Sept 15, 2012 0:29:05 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Sept 15, 2012 0:29:05 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 37 and Male Bag 20: Gullett vs Ryan on iTunes or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw and come back here and throw down some votes!
Jon Drouin
Dear Andy and Chris
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
I'm standing on the edge of time
Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my eyes
And nothing is rhyming, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Yesterday's a dream
Now I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
The pain is calling, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Spence Hopkins
Spence Hopkins first fucking promo
Hey fucknauts and bitch divers. My name is Spence Hopkins *Randy Orton voice* and I'm here to fuck your moms and film you fathers crying. I invite each and everyone to hate on me and I'll even make it easy for you. I live very near Salt Lake City around a lot of mormons......... YES! MORMONS! Also, I am a Miami Dolphin fan, so yes I am very stupid too. As for Brodus Gay and the Rectaldactyls and by Brodus Gay and the Rectaldactyls I mean Austin Saunders and his diverse collection of dildo clad pillow pets...... Fuck you.
Im out bitches.
Spence
Adam Dan
FARTS
WHERE DEM FARTS BE AT?!? I WANT DEM FARTS! I NEED DEM FARTS!
-Adam
P.S. Austin Sanders is a stupid fart face.
Stu Little
CONSPIRACY~!
Hey Andy, The Jinxer and all you ungrateful bastards also listening,
I can't believe you all fell for Hodgey's efforts to glorify his nation of snow monkeys and belittle my country's achievements.
Yes,
our national animal is the Unicorn. So what? We're secure enough in our
masculinity to make that choice. Yours is the Beaver. Overcompensating
much? Or is it just a reflection of how much you guys enjoy the taste of
wood in your mouth?
Scots brought the world
-TV
-The
Telephone (which the Canadian Inventions wikipedia page tried to
sneakily claim because Alexander Graham Bell happened to be living there
at the time)
-Penicillin
-Radar
-The flushing toilet
-The refridgerator
-The Bicycle
-The Bank of England (yeah, you heard me)
-The original Sherlock Holmes novels
-The current modern Sherlock tv series (Starring BENEDICT. CUMBERBATCH.)
and of course, Triple Distilled Wiskey
Canada brought the world
-The 56k modem(obsolete, plus it wouldn't work without...The Telephone!)
-The Pager(yeah, that'll go nicely with my Walkman and Flock of Seagulls albums)
-The Walkie Talkie, which is just a shittier version of a radio
-Sonar (who fights using submarines any more?)
-Andrew "Test" Martin
I rest my case.
Actually,
I don't blame the voters, because really, who actually believes this
was their doing? Kind of a strange "coincidence" that the forum was down
due to an "attack" by "Anonymous" on "GoDaddy.com". Was it an attack or
just a coverup to allow Nate Corbitt to rig the polls, as payback for
me kicking him around all those times?
I'm sure Jesse Ventura would agree.
Either way...I guess I should just accept it. It occured. It occured, and there's no action I can take to affect it. ©
Congratulations,
Hodgey. I hope that should you make it to the finals, you don't get
creamed too badly by James Ryan. Well, assuming that the current
misfortune befalling Kings (JB, Lawler) hasn't scared The Golden Voice
off so much he's going to throw his match to Cam Gullet aka
#GangBangStyle.
Just a few thoughts on WWE this week:
When
Otunga was making his argument to have the Brogue Kick banned, he
called the move "Unnatural". Should we expect a comment from Mitt Romney
soon where he states that he considers a finishing move something
between and man's arms and an opponent's body? Also, what was up with
the camera angles during that legal proceeding video. Did they think
they were making Michael Clayton or something?
Team Friendship is
indeed awesome, and I hope we get a full blown Friendship themed
entrance music and video for a joint entrance with the two of them.
Andy, Chris, if you were a tag team, you're name would be Team...what?
Team 9/11?
Kicking people in head, picking fights with veterans,
having a really close shaved haircut, being a self-satisfied
asshole...isn't CM Punk basically doing Randy Orton's heel persona a
hundred times better than he ever could?
"My name....is
C.............M Punk.........................and I'm.............the
best...........................in the world.........."
That's all for this week guys. Take care.
Stu
Dustin Faber
Hey guys!!!!!
Lawler's heart attack was scary. Barring death, what are the three scariest things you've seen in wrestling.
In Mick Foleys first autobiography, he said some things. What are some books you'd like to see from current Wwe wrestlers.
This morning, I ate frosted flakes for breakfast, but was bummed out bc they weren't Golden Grahams. What is one Wrestlemania match you liked but thought it would be better if one opponent was different?
I am stupid. If I was a lollipop, I'd be a dumdum. Who do you think the dumbest IRL WWE wrestler is?
I think that's all. Oh one more question. Punk mentioned WCW on Monday. What is your favorite romantic comedy?
Thanks,
Dustin
P.S. If Austin Sanders doesn't win, we riot.
P.P.S. Austin Sanders is cooler than Miles Davis.
P.P.P.S. I love you. Not really that sounded gayz lol
P.P.P.P.S WTF AM I DOING WRITING PPPPS I SOUND LIKE A LOOSER! YES I SPELLED IT WRONG IN HONOR OF JB KING WHO DOED WATCHING HONEY BOO BOO FOR US OMG I AM IN PAIN I MISS LING SO MUCH PLEASE COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE YOU SILLY GOOSE WE NEED YOU LIKE SCOOBY DOO NEEDS AN ICE MACHINE.
Dustin Faber
Part tooooooo!
Andy I love your impressions. What would it sound like if Gallagher and Tracy Morgan fought over El Serpiente at a gay bar?
Oh and I was totally serious about Austin Sanders. That man could be the next John Grisham.
BLAM!!!
Dustin Faber
Finally!
(Insert promo for Flawedcast, the funniest podcast around!)
JB King
BEST IN THE WORRRRRLLLLLLLDDDDD!!!!
Hello to Andy and the “King Slayer”, had no idea Dustin Faber was the
co-host now.
Thank you again for the music Andy. That’s right everyone’s favorite dead
illiterate racist is now the cunt of personality. Get it, a midcarder that
has a name consisting of two initials and a 4 letter last name that spoke
his mind and won the world title? No, neither do I, fuck it. Anyway, don’t
worry I will not pull a Cliffsnotes with this gimmick. It’s just temporary
and unlike Jon, I tend to make it funny. I have been champion for an
astonishing 408…hours and I still can’t headline a fucking male bag.
Injustice I tell you! But I will not stop, I will continue to bring the
emails by my accord because it is the right decision. This won’t be as big
of a mistake as when I directed my strait to DVD Muhammad movie.
(its 14 minutes, so just watch it afterwards)
Well guys, I’m still stuck here in hell, thanks for that comment Andy. It’s
not as bad as you think Hell could be. Plus I am running into a lot of
familiar faces around here. I got to meet Hitler and Neil Armstrong (yup he
made it to…total kid toucher). Lots of Koreans too. It’s a lot like that
Gangnam Style video but without the dancing, just sodomy, lots and lots of
sodomy. Speaking of which, Cam, your mom says hello. She is quite
comfortable down here. You can also find James Enright’s dignity and Andy’s
13 year old son down here too. He’s quite the football player. Bad news,
it’s European football. The big surprise came when Jerry Lawler came down
here for quick visit. We plan on seeing him again very soon!
The worst part about hell is currently the only channel we get down here is
“Here Comes Honey Booboo” marathons. Thank Satan we are playing the
Dolphins this week though. By the way Chris, I will do another recap if we
lose again. Was the first recap everything you hoped for? Well I hope so
because it felt like I was being water boarded by Magic Johnsons blood.
Anyway, I’m willing to spice up this bet. Andy, Chris, if my team wins this
week and your team loses, then YOU guys will have to recap the next Honey
BooBoo. What do you say guys?
Also, with Jerry Lawler almost dying, the anti-Semitism jokes, and black
persecution…I’m glad my fanfic got picked up by the writing staff. But we
will get to wrestling in a second.
Ok, now onto the mutants. James Enright, thank you. You did something that
few people can say they did. And no, I am not talking about you shutting
down a local Golden Corrales. I’m talking about making our group of misfits
come together to stand up against the menacing fat evil that was your
drunken tirade this weekend on facebook. Seriously tubby, who takes
facebook seriously? You accused me of going strong. How strong? Army Strong
apparently. But sure enough, Andy, James, Cam, Chris, Dan and many others
came together to blow off your bullshit. James, you truly are the 9/11 of
emailers. Our hatred for you keeps us united. Whether we are making fun of
your weight, bad teeth or the way you sound during WTNY. By the way Andy, I
think he sounds like that because he is eating while talking during a
podcast. Except he eats from one of those horse feeding bags wrapped around
his head. That could explain the distorted Echo effect. Again James, God
bless.
Austin Sanders, enough of this horseshit. Come back to competitively
emailing us every week. People may not admit it but we do indeed miss your
foul mouthed tomfoolery. You have a fucking disorder and dammit we want to
mock you for it ALL THE TIME. Please come back in full force, full time. If
not, then I seriously hope you get raped. No, nothing fancy or
extraordinary. Just raped. I hope a no named individual funnels your fudge
tunnel. Now grow a pair or fuck off you piece of shit. Again God Bless.
Jon Drouin, please be funny again. We miss that.
Nicole, awesome email. I hope you destroy Austin Sanders and get into the
nitty gritty of the male bag. Looking forward to more smackdown recaps and
titty tourettes. Speaking of redheads with nice tits, let’s talk about
Heath Slater. Am I the only one thinking Heath should beat Zack Ryder and
steal his internet championship? I don’t know why but the conversation of
Slater being like the anti-Ryder just made me have this thought. Shit, I
just wasted a question.
Alright let’s get to the questions before Cam Gullet hacks this email
account too.
Question One: Jerry Lawler, I can’t help but feel guilty. When I saw the
live feed and heard Jerry snoring during the tag match, the first thing
that came out of my mouth was “Christ I hate Lawler, just die or stop
pretending to fall asleep during a match.” Boy did my face turn red faster
than his did when I heard what happened. I’m glad he’s ok though. The worst
part of all of this I know in my heart that this is going to be an angle
one way or another. It fucking sucks knowing WWE will go this low again.
Then again with B-A-STAR and the recent PG trend, do you really think they
have the balls to make this an angle and run it into the ground?
Question Two: Just a quick question I need to ask from the Diva’s match.
Time to play Kill, Marry, Fuck. Layla, Eve and Kaitlyn. Go.
Question Three: Now that we completely demoralized vaginas, let’s talk more
about them! If you guys have kept up on NXT, you may have noticed some soon
to be Divas working shows. On the other hand, Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and
Winter have been released from TNA. My question is, while it’s nice to have
home grown tramps work their way up, but maybe it’s easier hiring women
wrestlers with experience. Should WWE consider hiring these three or stick
to the home grown rookies?
That’s it for this week. Looks like your world champion has to step aside
yet again to less deserving talent. Good luck to Cam and James. I have to
get back to watching a 300 pound mother eat mayonnaise off a stick of
butter (calm down James). Fuck this show I’m serious. Thanks Guys.
Best in the World (or at least for a few more days)
Love, Peace and Personality Grease.
Your World Champion
Johnny
Cam Gullett
Hey Kingslayer, what say you use those powers to get rid of some Kings worth off-ing: Lebron James, Joffrie, or those hockey homos from LA. You are wasting your powers on Johnny Bellefield and LOLer? Aim higher motherfucker!!
You think it would be in bad taste if Punk came out at Night of Champions and said, "You come at the King, you best not miss. I'm talking to you heart attacks."
My opponent for this week is the Hollywood Homo, James Ryan. He is my brother from another mother and my cohost for Army of Dorkness. That won't stop me from railing him like the local 408 boys do me on a saturday night though.
James Ryan is a fan of the Doyers, the Lions, the Lakers, and the USC Trojans. Is this guy serious? At least the teams I picked BECAME hard to root for eventually. He chose 3 of the most insufferable teams to follow in the history of sports. He is also a Lions fans in case that one slipped by.
Jimmy "Jew-blower" Ryan fancies himself as the talented half of Army of Dorkness, wait, no that one is true. Moving on...
Are you guys aware that he is gay? I am. How else do you think we met?
Remember that time I fell asleep while listening to Wait Til Next Year? Well listen to their next episode to find out the full story. It's as riveting as listening to Jabba the Enright.
Am I the only one who thought it was a little fishy that Jerry LOLer had a heart attack with Bret Hart present?
"I did it for Kaufman" -Jerry's heart valves.
JB King thinks that me advancing for the final four means that this tournament is pointless? You're dead, and none of even sent flowers.
If Adam Dan somehow ends up winning this thing he will be the King Mable of MNF. At least I will be the Mr. Ass!!
As always, "The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!
James Ryan
RAWZ
Good evening MNFers! I'm back from my wonderful weekend vacation to
the badlands of Fresno, California for a wedding and then tempted the
fates by journeying into Yosemite National Park! I dare you to give
me the Hantavirus!!!
Welcome to another heart stopping, pulse pounding, arm numbing 3 Hour
Edition of RAW!!!
Phew, I'm a little out of breath from that intro!
Hold on. Time out. I think I need to take a breather or something.
Can I get a glass of water, someone?
Anyone?
Help..........................................
(heavy breathing)
....................................................
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhJGLKRRRLKKKJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGKL/,.
JB King
How did James get here?
Ok, which one of you assholes killed James Ryan? I am trying to play a nice
game of Poker with Hitler, myself and Steve Jobs down here in hell and he
is becoming quite irritating. Yeeesh. Oh wait, never mind. It looks like
James is heading back to you guys now. Guess the hospital found out he had
insurance and wasn't Mexican. Anyway, now you guys can deal with
him. Give 'em Hell James. Boy was that a poor choice of words on my part...
Johnny
James Ryan
I'm back!
Wait? What am I doing in this hospital bed? I gotta get out of here,
I have a Male Bag email to complete!!!
This medical misstep has taken my time and attention from a Live
Emailing of RAW,. In the struggle to regain my life, I have seemed to
left my notes behind, so I'll just hit on some points.
Cam Gullett did a great job with his racial jokes during his
deposition segment on RAW. And in standard Cam fashion, his jokes
bombed harder than the Chris Alt's Pizza Hut Joke!
Speaking of Chris Alt, found a new buddy for you:
i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/BeerBaron721/auto-hey-i-just-met-you-and-this-is-crazy-Butthurt-Dweller-memes-198159.jpg
In "The Skit That Wouldn't End", Otunga said that the Brogue Kick
"causes extreme nerve damage and tingling of the extremities of your
victims?" Lawler?
I guess The King didn't drink his 5 Hour Energy, but that's for later!
SANDBLAST OF THE EMAIL! Austin Sanders, the only positive thing about
you and your emails is your HIV status. But please, continue
submitting them, you diseased Haitian prostitute!
Tell your mom when she gets over her UTI to page me because I'd like
to give her another one. #cranberryjuice
In this weeks show, Chris Alt asked, and I quote, "What does John
Drouin gotta do to get a little love from you guys?"
ANSWER: "Die in a fiery automobile crash." The Universe has spoken,
ladies and gentlemen!!!!
Is Brodus Clay legitimately retarded? He just said "Wassup?" to CM
Punk and stood there grinning off into the distance. He really
sounded like South Park's Jimmy. #TVforVendetter
Speaking of fat people, we, the emailers of MNF Male Bag need to stop
bullying James Enright. This has gone on too long. He's has enough on
his plate as it is already.
DID YOU KNOW: The Enright Family is known as the Minnesota Wrecking
Crew, on account of the amount of Buffets they've destroyed across the
Mid Western states!
I love TEAM FRIENDSHIP!!! Thankfully it's not Team Brony! However, I
still think they should be the name I suggested last week, The
Brothers of YEStruction!
And now we've come to the part of RAW that gets a little crazy:
I hear loud audible breathing from someone behind the announce desk.
Either Jerry Lawler just ran a 10K or he is suffering a legit heart
attack.
Or the breathing is coming James Enright after he thought about
exercising. #NotGoinHappenPassMeTheGravyBoat
Suddenly The Hart Foundation has jumped the guard rail and has
attacked Jerry Lawler!!! Oh my god, it's pandemonium!!!! Bret Hart
has been playing the part of "Verbal Kint" since his final days in
WCW!! #OMGSWERVE!!!!
The Harts are jumping on King and destroying him! They have finally
got revenge on Lawler since his Anti-Stu and Helen Rants!!! Jim "The
Anvil" Neidhart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Dean, and OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!
Stu and Owen Hart have repelled from the rafters!!!! THEY'RE BACK!!!!
Also...what's this?!? Brian "Crush" Adams, Stan Stasiak, and Ox Baker
has joined in on the beatdown!!! The Masters of the Heart Punch have
reunited for the First time ever!!! Dr. Death Steve Williams has also
hit the announce area to bring down the King!
Meanwhile, back to real life, it seriously looks like that Heart Punch
that Ox Baker delivered on Lawler in 1978 has slowly but surely found
its mark. Ox Baker, everyone, known as the "Methodical Master of the
Glacial Speeded Offense" #ObscureProWrestler! #DontCallMeShirley
I find it ironic that for someone who's looked like a puffed up, meat
sweated, red faced, baby-faced man since he got behind the Monday
Night Raw desk that tonight is his first career heart attack.
#CallBittyforAdvice
That being said, I am glad to hear that Lawler is alive and
recovering. He apparently was dead for 20 minutes and it took 7
shocks from the defibrillator to wake him up. #LIVEDAMNYOULIVE
Though, this would have been the perfect week for Michael Cole to do
his best Clint Eastwood RNC impression!
"So I’ve got The King sitting here and I just was going to ask him a
couple of questions. But you know, I remember 17 months ago when Mr.
Lawler lost his Wrestlemania match and, no, I wasn’t a big
supporter..." #VincesIdeaofCrashTV
Enough of these shenanigans, I've recovered from my mysterious heart
attack to give it my all for my King of the Ring match against Cam
Gullet!
First and foremost, Cam, this is you, or at least you if you were an Asian.
i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/BeerBaron721/Ginger_675555_1553143.jpg
Now that I've got that out of the way. Cam, when I first spoke to you
before and on our first episode of Army of Dorkness, I really did
believe your entire vocabulary is solely based on the words, "Uh",
"Umm" and the ever popular, "Yeah". Over the months of knowing you, I
have come to believe that in my heart of hearts that you are a racist,
insensitive, mouth breathing troglodyte, but the bottom line is,
you're my racist, insensitive, mouth breathing troglodyte of a
broadcast colleague, and I wouldn't have it any other way. When I
realize who I could have been paired with in the beginning of this
podcast fun, I would have probably shot myself after one episode.
I will leave you with this quote from the late, great Hunter S.
Thompson, which I feel best describes you from my point of view
sometimes.
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered
mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live,
and too rare to die."
Have a great show,
James Ryan
"The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network"
Jon Drouin
Dear Andy and Chris
I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice
A shadow of a man
A face through a window
Crying in the night
The night goes into
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
I'm standing on the edge of time
Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my eyes
And nothing is rhyming, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Yesterday's a dream
Now I face the morning
Crying on the breeze
The pain is calling, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Well you came and you gave without taking
And I sent you away, oh Andy
And your words they stopped me from shaking
And I need you today, oh Andy
Spence Hopkins
Spence Hopkins first fucking promo
Hey fucknauts and bitch divers. My name is Spence Hopkins *Randy Orton voice* and I'm here to fuck your moms and film you fathers crying. I invite each and everyone to hate on me and I'll even make it easy for you. I live very near Salt Lake City around a lot of mormons......... YES! MORMONS! Also, I am a Miami Dolphin fan, so yes I am very stupid too. As for Brodus Gay and the Rectaldactyls and by Brodus Gay and the Rectaldactyls I mean Austin Saunders and his diverse collection of dildo clad pillow pets...... Fuck you.
Im out bitches.
Spence
Adam Dan
FARTS
WHERE DEM FARTS BE AT?!? I WANT DEM FARTS! I NEED DEM FARTS!
-Adam
P.S. Austin Sanders is a stupid fart face.
Stu Little
CONSPIRACY~!
Hey Andy, The Jinxer and all you ungrateful bastards also listening,
I can't believe you all fell for Hodgey's efforts to glorify his nation of snow monkeys and belittle my country's achievements.
Yes,
our national animal is the Unicorn. So what? We're secure enough in our
masculinity to make that choice. Yours is the Beaver. Overcompensating
much? Or is it just a reflection of how much you guys enjoy the taste of
wood in your mouth?
Scots brought the world
-TV
-The
Telephone (which the Canadian Inventions wikipedia page tried to
sneakily claim because Alexander Graham Bell happened to be living there
at the time)
-Penicillin
-Radar
-The flushing toilet
-The refridgerator
-The Bicycle
-The Bank of England (yeah, you heard me)
-The original Sherlock Holmes novels
-The current modern Sherlock tv series (Starring BENEDICT. CUMBERBATCH.)
and of course, Triple Distilled Wiskey
Canada brought the world
-The 56k modem(obsolete, plus it wouldn't work without...The Telephone!)
-The Pager(yeah, that'll go nicely with my Walkman and Flock of Seagulls albums)
-The Walkie Talkie, which is just a shittier version of a radio
-Sonar (who fights using submarines any more?)
-Andrew "Test" Martin
I rest my case.
Actually,
I don't blame the voters, because really, who actually believes this
was their doing? Kind of a strange "coincidence" that the forum was down
due to an "attack" by "Anonymous" on "GoDaddy.com". Was it an attack or
just a coverup to allow Nate Corbitt to rig the polls, as payback for
me kicking him around all those times?
I'm sure Jesse Ventura would agree.
Either way...I guess I should just accept it. It occured. It occured, and there's no action I can take to affect it. ©
Congratulations,
Hodgey. I hope that should you make it to the finals, you don't get
creamed too badly by James Ryan. Well, assuming that the current
misfortune befalling Kings (JB, Lawler) hasn't scared The Golden Voice
off so much he's going to throw his match to Cam Gullet aka
#GangBangStyle.
Just a few thoughts on WWE this week:
When
Otunga was making his argument to have the Brogue Kick banned, he
called the move "Unnatural". Should we expect a comment from Mitt Romney
soon where he states that he considers a finishing move something
between and man's arms and an opponent's body? Also, what was up with
the camera angles during that legal proceeding video. Did they think
they were making Michael Clayton or something?
Team Friendship is
indeed awesome, and I hope we get a full blown Friendship themed
entrance music and video for a joint entrance with the two of them.
Andy, Chris, if you were a tag team, you're name would be Team...what?
Team 9/11?
Kicking people in head, picking fights with veterans,
having a really close shaved haircut, being a self-satisfied
asshole...isn't CM Punk basically doing Randy Orton's heel persona a
hundred times better than he ever could?
"My name....is
C.............M Punk.........................and I'm.............the
best...........................in the world.........."
That's all for this week guys. Take care.
Stu
Dustin Faber
Hey guys!!!!!
Lawler's heart attack was scary. Barring death, what are the three scariest things you've seen in wrestling.
In Mick Foleys first autobiography, he said some things. What are some books you'd like to see from current Wwe wrestlers.
This morning, I ate frosted flakes for breakfast, but was bummed out bc they weren't Golden Grahams. What is one Wrestlemania match you liked but thought it would be better if one opponent was different?
I am stupid. If I was a lollipop, I'd be a dumdum. Who do you think the dumbest IRL WWE wrestler is?
I think that's all. Oh one more question. Punk mentioned WCW on Monday. What is your favorite romantic comedy?
Thanks,
Dustin
P.S. If Austin Sanders doesn't win, we riot.
P.P.S. Austin Sanders is cooler than Miles Davis.
P.P.P.S. I love you. Not really that sounded gayz lol
P.P.P.P.S WTF AM I DOING WRITING PPPPS I SOUND LIKE A LOOSER! YES I SPELLED IT WRONG IN HONOR OF JB KING WHO DOED WATCHING HONEY BOO BOO FOR US OMG I AM IN PAIN I MISS LING SO MUCH PLEASE COME BACK FROM THE GRAVE YOU SILLY GOOSE WE NEED YOU LIKE SCOOBY DOO NEEDS AN ICE MACHINE.
Dustin Faber
Part tooooooo!
Andy I love your impressions. What would it sound like if Gallagher and Tracy Morgan fought over El Serpiente at a gay bar?
Oh and I was totally serious about Austin Sanders. That man could be the next John Grisham.
BLAM!!!
Dustin Faber
Finally!
(Insert promo for Flawedcast, the funniest podcast around!)
JB King
BEST IN THE WORRRRRLLLLLLLDDDDD!!!!
Hello to Andy and the “King Slayer”, had no idea Dustin Faber was the
co-host now.
Thank you again for the music Andy. That’s right everyone’s favorite dead
illiterate racist is now the cunt of personality. Get it, a midcarder that
has a name consisting of two initials and a 4 letter last name that spoke
his mind and won the world title? No, neither do I, fuck it. Anyway, don’t
worry I will not pull a Cliffsnotes with this gimmick. It’s just temporary
and unlike Jon, I tend to make it funny. I have been champion for an
astonishing 408…hours and I still can’t headline a fucking male bag.
Injustice I tell you! But I will not stop, I will continue to bring the
emails by my accord because it is the right decision. This won’t be as big
of a mistake as when I directed my strait to DVD Muhammad movie.
(its 14 minutes, so just watch it afterwards)
Well guys, I’m still stuck here in hell, thanks for that comment Andy. It’s
not as bad as you think Hell could be. Plus I am running into a lot of
familiar faces around here. I got to meet Hitler and Neil Armstrong (yup he
made it to…total kid toucher). Lots of Koreans too. It’s a lot like that
Gangnam Style video but without the dancing, just sodomy, lots and lots of
sodomy. Speaking of which, Cam, your mom says hello. She is quite
comfortable down here. You can also find James Enright’s dignity and Andy’s
13 year old son down here too. He’s quite the football player. Bad news,
it’s European football. The big surprise came when Jerry Lawler came down
here for quick visit. We plan on seeing him again very soon!
The worst part about hell is currently the only channel we get down here is
“Here Comes Honey Booboo” marathons. Thank Satan we are playing the
Dolphins this week though. By the way Chris, I will do another recap if we
lose again. Was the first recap everything you hoped for? Well I hope so
because it felt like I was being water boarded by Magic Johnsons blood.
Anyway, I’m willing to spice up this bet. Andy, Chris, if my team wins this
week and your team loses, then YOU guys will have to recap the next Honey
BooBoo. What do you say guys?
Also, with Jerry Lawler almost dying, the anti-Semitism jokes, and black
persecution…I’m glad my fanfic got picked up by the writing staff. But we
will get to wrestling in a second.
Ok, now onto the mutants. James Enright, thank you. You did something that
few people can say they did. And no, I am not talking about you shutting
down a local Golden Corrales. I’m talking about making our group of misfits
come together to stand up against the menacing fat evil that was your
drunken tirade this weekend on facebook. Seriously tubby, who takes
facebook seriously? You accused me of going strong. How strong? Army Strong
apparently. But sure enough, Andy, James, Cam, Chris, Dan and many others
came together to blow off your bullshit. James, you truly are the 9/11 of
emailers. Our hatred for you keeps us united. Whether we are making fun of
your weight, bad teeth or the way you sound during WTNY. By the way Andy, I
think he sounds like that because he is eating while talking during a
podcast. Except he eats from one of those horse feeding bags wrapped around
his head. That could explain the distorted Echo effect. Again James, God
bless.
Austin Sanders, enough of this horseshit. Come back to competitively
emailing us every week. People may not admit it but we do indeed miss your
foul mouthed tomfoolery. You have a fucking disorder and dammit we want to
mock you for it ALL THE TIME. Please come back in full force, full time. If
not, then I seriously hope you get raped. No, nothing fancy or
extraordinary. Just raped. I hope a no named individual funnels your fudge
tunnel. Now grow a pair or fuck off you piece of shit. Again God Bless.
Jon Drouin, please be funny again. We miss that.
Nicole, awesome email. I hope you destroy Austin Sanders and get into the
nitty gritty of the male bag. Looking forward to more smackdown recaps and
titty tourettes. Speaking of redheads with nice tits, let’s talk about
Heath Slater. Am I the only one thinking Heath should beat Zack Ryder and
steal his internet championship? I don’t know why but the conversation of
Slater being like the anti-Ryder just made me have this thought. Shit, I
just wasted a question.
Alright let’s get to the questions before Cam Gullet hacks this email
account too.
Question One: Jerry Lawler, I can’t help but feel guilty. When I saw the
live feed and heard Jerry snoring during the tag match, the first thing
that came out of my mouth was “Christ I hate Lawler, just die or stop
pretending to fall asleep during a match.” Boy did my face turn red faster
than his did when I heard what happened. I’m glad he’s ok though. The worst
part of all of this I know in my heart that this is going to be an angle
one way or another. It fucking sucks knowing WWE will go this low again.
Then again with B-A-STAR and the recent PG trend, do you really think they
have the balls to make this an angle and run it into the ground?
Question Two: Just a quick question I need to ask from the Diva’s match.
Time to play Kill, Marry, Fuck. Layla, Eve and Kaitlyn. Go.
Question Three: Now that we completely demoralized vaginas, let’s talk more
about them! If you guys have kept up on NXT, you may have noticed some soon
to be Divas working shows. On the other hand, Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and
Winter have been released from TNA. My question is, while it’s nice to have
home grown tramps work their way up, but maybe it’s easier hiring women
wrestlers with experience. Should WWE consider hiring these three or stick
to the home grown rookies?
That’s it for this week. Looks like your world champion has to step aside
yet again to less deserving talent. Good luck to Cam and James. I have to
get back to watching a 300 pound mother eat mayonnaise off a stick of
butter (calm down James). Fuck this show I’m serious. Thanks Guys.
Best in the World (or at least for a few more days)
Love, Peace and Personality Grease.
Your World Champion
Johnny
Cam Gullett
Hey Kingslayer, what say you use those powers to get rid of some Kings worth off-ing: Lebron James, Joffrie, or those hockey homos from LA. You are wasting your powers on Johnny Bellefield and LOLer? Aim higher motherfucker!!
You think it would be in bad taste if Punk came out at Night of Champions and said, "You come at the King, you best not miss. I'm talking to you heart attacks."
My opponent for this week is the Hollywood Homo, James Ryan. He is my brother from another mother and my cohost for Army of Dorkness. That won't stop me from railing him like the local 408 boys do me on a saturday night though.
James Ryan is a fan of the Doyers, the Lions, the Lakers, and the USC Trojans. Is this guy serious? At least the teams I picked BECAME hard to root for eventually. He chose 3 of the most insufferable teams to follow in the history of sports. He is also a Lions fans in case that one slipped by.
Jimmy "Jew-blower" Ryan fancies himself as the talented half of Army of Dorkness, wait, no that one is true. Moving on...
Are you guys aware that he is gay? I am. How else do you think we met?
Remember that time I fell asleep while listening to Wait Til Next Year? Well listen to their next episode to find out the full story. It's as riveting as listening to Jabba the Enright.
Am I the only one who thought it was a little fishy that Jerry LOLer had a heart attack with Bret Hart present?
"I did it for Kaufman" -Jerry's heart valves.
JB King thinks that me advancing for the final four means that this tournament is pointless? You're dead, and none of even sent flowers.
If Adam Dan somehow ends up winning this thing he will be the King Mable of MNF. At least I will be the Mr. Ass!!
As always, "The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!
James Ryan
RAWZ
Good evening MNFers! I'm back from my wonderful weekend vacation to
the badlands of Fresno, California for a wedding and then tempted the
fates by journeying into Yosemite National Park! I dare you to give
me the Hantavirus!!!
Welcome to another heart stopping, pulse pounding, arm numbing 3 Hour
Edition of RAW!!!
Phew, I'm a little out of breath from that intro!
Hold on. Time out. I think I need to take a breather or something.
Can I get a glass of water, someone?
Anyone?
Help..........................................
(heavy breathing)
....................................................
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhJGLKRRRLKKKJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGKL/,.
JB King
How did James get here?
Ok, which one of you assholes killed James Ryan? I am trying to play a nice
game of Poker with Hitler, myself and Steve Jobs down here in hell and he
is becoming quite irritating. Yeeesh. Oh wait, never mind. It looks like
James is heading back to you guys now. Guess the hospital found out he had
insurance and wasn't Mexican. Anyway, now you guys can deal with
him. Give 'em Hell James. Boy was that a poor choice of words on my part...
Johnny
James Ryan
I'm back!
Wait? What am I doing in this hospital bed? I gotta get out of here,
I have a Male Bag email to complete!!!
This medical misstep has taken my time and attention from a Live
Emailing of RAW,. In the struggle to regain my life, I have seemed to
left my notes behind, so I'll just hit on some points.
Cam Gullett did a great job with his racial jokes during his
deposition segment on RAW. And in standard Cam fashion, his jokes
bombed harder than the Chris Alt's Pizza Hut Joke!
Speaking of Chris Alt, found a new buddy for you:
i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/BeerBaron721/auto-hey-i-just-met-you-and-this-is-crazy-Butthurt-Dweller-memes-198159.jpg
In "The Skit That Wouldn't End", Otunga said that the Brogue Kick
"causes extreme nerve damage and tingling of the extremities of your
victims?" Lawler?
I guess The King didn't drink his 5 Hour Energy, but that's for later!
SANDBLAST OF THE EMAIL! Austin Sanders, the only positive thing about
you and your emails is your HIV status. But please, continue
submitting them, you diseased Haitian prostitute!
Tell your mom when she gets over her UTI to page me because I'd like
to give her another one. #cranberryjuice
In this weeks show, Chris Alt asked, and I quote, "What does John
Drouin gotta do to get a little love from you guys?"
ANSWER: "Die in a fiery automobile crash." The Universe has spoken,
ladies and gentlemen!!!!
Is Brodus Clay legitimately retarded? He just said "Wassup?" to CM
Punk and stood there grinning off into the distance. He really
sounded like South Park's Jimmy. #TVforVendetter
Speaking of fat people, we, the emailers of MNF Male Bag need to stop
bullying James Enright. This has gone on too long. He's has enough on
his plate as it is already.
DID YOU KNOW: The Enright Family is known as the Minnesota Wrecking
Crew, on account of the amount of Buffets they've destroyed across the
Mid Western states!
I love TEAM FRIENDSHIP!!! Thankfully it's not Team Brony! However, I
still think they should be the name I suggested last week, The
Brothers of YEStruction!
And now we've come to the part of RAW that gets a little crazy:
I hear loud audible breathing from someone behind the announce desk.
Either Jerry Lawler just ran a 10K or he is suffering a legit heart
attack.
Or the breathing is coming James Enright after he thought about
exercising. #NotGoinHappenPassMeTheGravyBoat
Suddenly The Hart Foundation has jumped the guard rail and has
attacked Jerry Lawler!!! Oh my god, it's pandemonium!!!! Bret Hart
has been playing the part of "Verbal Kint" since his final days in
WCW!! #OMGSWERVE!!!!
The Harts are jumping on King and destroying him! They have finally
got revenge on Lawler since his Anti-Stu and Helen Rants!!! Jim "The
Anvil" Neidhart, Bruce Hart, Keith Hart, Dean, and OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!
Stu and Owen Hart have repelled from the rafters!!!! THEY'RE BACK!!!!
Also...what's this?!? Brian "Crush" Adams, Stan Stasiak, and Ox Baker
has joined in on the beatdown!!! The Masters of the Heart Punch have
reunited for the First time ever!!! Dr. Death Steve Williams has also
hit the announce area to bring down the King!
Meanwhile, back to real life, it seriously looks like that Heart Punch
that Ox Baker delivered on Lawler in 1978 has slowly but surely found
its mark. Ox Baker, everyone, known as the "Methodical Master of the
Glacial Speeded Offense" #ObscureProWrestler! #DontCallMeShirley
I find it ironic that for someone who's looked like a puffed up, meat
sweated, red faced, baby-faced man since he got behind the Monday
Night Raw desk that tonight is his first career heart attack.
#CallBittyforAdvice
That being said, I am glad to hear that Lawler is alive and
recovering. He apparently was dead for 20 minutes and it took 7
shocks from the defibrillator to wake him up. #LIVEDAMNYOULIVE
Though, this would have been the perfect week for Michael Cole to do
his best Clint Eastwood RNC impression!
"So I’ve got The King sitting here and I just was going to ask him a
couple of questions. But you know, I remember 17 months ago when Mr.
Lawler lost his Wrestlemania match and, no, I wasn’t a big
supporter..." #VincesIdeaofCrashTV
Enough of these shenanigans, I've recovered from my mysterious heart
attack to give it my all for my King of the Ring match against Cam
Gullet!
First and foremost, Cam, this is you, or at least you if you were an Asian.
i72.photobucket.com/albums/i200/BeerBaron721/Ginger_675555_1553143.jpg
Now that I've got that out of the way. Cam, when I first spoke to you
before and on our first episode of Army of Dorkness, I really did
believe your entire vocabulary is solely based on the words, "Uh",
"Umm" and the ever popular, "Yeah". Over the months of knowing you, I
have come to believe that in my heart of hearts that you are a racist,
insensitive, mouth breathing troglodyte, but the bottom line is,
you're my racist, insensitive, mouth breathing troglodyte of a
broadcast colleague, and I wouldn't have it any other way. When I
realize who I could have been paired with in the beginning of this
podcast fun, I would have probably shot myself after one episode.
I will leave you with this quote from the late, great Hunter S.
Thompson, which I feel best describes you from my point of view
sometimes.
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered
mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live,
and too rare to die."
Have a great show,
James Ryan
"The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network"