MNF 40/Male Bag 23
Oct 7, 2012 16:55:26 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Oct 7, 2012 16:55:26 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 40 and Male Bag 23 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw and come back here and vote!
Jonathan Huggins
my first time
hello to Andy, Chris, James, Austin or whoever else is running the show this week. long time listener, first time emailer, and another fan from across the water. (thats the UK
this weeks MNF inspired me to sign up with puns house, just so i could get my right to vote. no secrecy needed, it will be going to Mr Alt. the only exposure i'd ever had of that advert for ethnic cleansing was this 3 minute video, that was apparently the root of all this evil...
just that clip was enough to know the pain and sheer mental anguish that Mr Alt went through in 30 minutes, all for our entertainment. i am giving my own slow clap, and with all sincerity i say "good job, good effort"
the reviews of honey booboo i think need to be shared out, there are lessons that several of the flawedcast presenters could learn.
Dustin. watching one episode of this would shake your faith to its very core. God makes man, man fucks sister, Mommy June is born. if god created us in his own image, that abomination must have been on the day after he created coke and LSD.
James Enright, you can look to the mother as a mentor of how to get into that fighting shape you've been longing for. simply following the trail of man vs food locations like a big fleshy hoover clearly hasn't quite done the job. follow her example for butter and spaghetti and soon you could add 6 chins to your mangled mouth and the gut that hangs so far and hangs so low, that even Cam wouldn't go searching for your cock with the promise that your jizz has a cure for Alzheimers that his parents so desperately need.
BVA, no one really needs to say what you could gain, apart from 6 inches whenever honeybooboo is strutting her stuff, or 8 inches when there's talk of the elder sister giving birth to a fresh baby soon.
great show guys, am looking forward to the next tournament.
your new english pal, Jon James.
P.S. the anti spamming input on the puns house registraion seems to have slightly racist programming. my first set of words were FRANKS AND BEANS, the second set was PRIME TIME.
Adam Dan
Herper Berthder, Derstern Ferber!
Jerms Ehrnrert ers a fert perse erv shert. Ah herp herr perershers ern a mersserve Werffle Herse ferr.
Derstern Ferber ers serper ersum. Derstern Ferber herd a berthder nert ter lerng ager. Herper berlerted berthder, Derstern Ferber! Ah herp yer enjyer bernerng ern derr erternerr flerms erv serferrerng fer yer serns.
EHRMAHGERD! PERP TERTS!
Term Rerper?!? Merr lerk Term Rerped-a-nersty-fert...EHRMAHRERT?!?
Stert Lertler ers frerm Skertlernd. Stert perberler lerks ter ferck sherp.
EHRMAHGERD! BJERK!
Merker Herdge ers der ner Kerng Erv Der Rerng! Cerngrercherlersherns, Merker Herdge!
Sperkerng erv Kerngs, Jer Ber Kerng ers a ferckerng ahrterd. Plerz kyerr yerserf.
EHRMAHGERD! MERKY MERK ERN DERR FERNKER BERNCH!
Derd ah mernchern dert Jerms Ehrnrert ers a serper fert dernkee fercker?
Herleerwerd Fergert, Jerms Rerern ers der Gerldern Verce erv der Flerdkerst Nertwerk. Jerms Rerern alser enjers Gerldern Sherrers frerm Derckter Gerrlfrernd.
EHRMAGERD! MERN KERMF!
Clerfs Nerts ers berk ter berrng ferny. Ah wersh he wers berk ter slerlee berrnerng ern a dermpster.
Werkerm ahberd, Spernce Herpkerns. Err lerk yer ser fer. Dern't tern ernter dert dershberg Erstern Sernders.
EHRMAGERD! WERRYER!
Erstern Sernders lerst herss vergernerty ern a Hernday Verlerster. Er herv no ideeyerr hawie wers erberr ter gert thert fert bertch ern thert cermperct cerr.
Cherm Gerrt wernce herd serks werth Serpyernter Merrikern werrerng a Frernch Terckler. Cherm, ert herperned, ernd therrs nertherng yer kern der erbert ert.™
EHRMAGERD! HERPERS!
(NSFW) reveal4real.org/images/STDs/herpes.png
Yer Berder,
Erderm Dern
Herst erv Dernderer Merberr Rahdyer, ernler ern der Flerdkerst Nertwerk
Jon Drouin
I want a title belt!
Andy and Chris,
Hello!
Sorry that I have been away for a few weeks... I've missed you guys.
There's now a King of The Ring, and last week two guys announced that they were tag team champions of Monday Night Flaw. You can do that? Well I don't want to be left behind. Therefore, I would like to make an announcement.
< cough, cough > Ahem.
I, Jo n Drouin, am declaring myself the Monday Night Flaw NXT Champion!
I will defend this belt on a secondary show that most people don't listen to... perhaps Wait Til Next Year.
Also, as the NXT champ, I will only appear occasionally on Male Bag. Finally, as your new NXT Champ, I will----
CAM GULLETT'S MUSIC HITS
CAM GULLETT: Jon! NXT, really? Really? Really? You are so much better than that sir. When my buddy Dustin Faber introduced me to you at church a few weeks ago, I really saw something in you. After the Priest pulled his pants back up I noticed something else in you: greatness! You are destined for greatness good sir and I am going to help you get there, brother. We should be the MNF Tag Team Champions of the World!
JON DROUIN: Wow. Cam, you want me to be your tag team partner? That's great! Do you have any experience with Tag Teaming?
CAM GULLETT: I have more experience with Tag Teaming than anyone you will ever meet. I have been in 6-man tags, 8-man tags, even as high as 200-man tag teams!
JON DROUIN: Well, Cam can you give me some advice for tag teams?
CAM GULLETT: The real trick to success in tag teaming with a bunch of guys is to make sure you get in and then out again quickly, followed by in again and then out. Really it is all about rinse and repeat on these steps.
JON DROUIN: What about James Ryan and JB King? They didn't do that. They wrote such a long email last week.
CAM GULLETT: The Retarded Enigma and The Hollywood Faggot were about as brutal of a team as my two pimps when I don't bring in enough gentlemen on fleet week. The Monday Night Flaw audience deserves a better class of tag teams, and we're going to give it to 'em. WE ARE THE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS NOW!!
JON DROUIN: Wow! This is going to be great! Nothing can stop me now that Cam Gullett is watching my back!
Andy and Chris, have a great week.
Jon Drouin
Papa Shango
Stop it
Dear Chris,
Stop.
Just fucking stop.
Stop mentioning me.
I didn't even like this gimmick.
Fuck you mark.
No, I will not be on your show.
No, I will not put a curse on this Spence guy.
Do not come visit me.
I will not go to Buffalo Wild Wings with you.
Go fuck yourself.
Papa Shango.
Michael Hodge
The Coronation of King Hodgey the First, Absolute Ruler of All He Surveys
[British accent]Good morrow, Sirs Chrandy.
Let it not be said that my esteemed opponents in the Kay Oh Tee Arr Pee Pee Vee were not worthy. Let it not be said that they took me lightly. Let it not be said that this whole thing was silly.[/British accent]
It's
still real to me, dammit. Finally, I get to be in a Cinderella story that's not just about wearing the pretty pretty dress.
To my opponents, I'd like to say thank you for not eviscerating me. You were all kinder than I was. Dumb move, apparently.
More specifically, to James "Beer Baron" Ryan, you seem to have misunderstood. The point was not to grab the nearest "king" and have him do half the job for you. In
fact, grabbing that particular King seems to have ensured that you jobbed.
Maybe in the future, stick to what you're good at: the Army of Dorkness podcast. It's a lot of fun to listen to, and I wish it came out more often. Hopefully, you and Cam can work out a more regular schedule. I honestly and sincerely wish you the best of luck in your burgeoning acting career. You're an engaging and hilarious guy. You'll find success.
To Adam "Gator" Dan, you're amazing. You beat cancer and haters and your show on the Flawedcast Network is awesome. I really look forward to hearing it twice a week.
To Tom "Ryan Dangerfield" Roper, congrats. We're all wrestling fans, but you had the balls to step up and participate. I really hope that you're able to break through and find mainstream success.
It was really fun to go up against all four of you in this thing. And again, thanks for not being dicks.
To Andy and Chris, there's no way I win this without you selling the shit out of my jokes, many of which were pretty lame. I appreciate it.
In closing, listen to the International House of Podcasting. Follow us on Twitter @ihoppodcast. E-mail us at IHOP@flawedcast.net. Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/IHOPpodcast.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey
Spence Hopkins
shiver shiver *snort* shiver
Umm......
warriors. the gods have forsaken... the chosen one. my blood boils like it has made its bed in THE MICROWAVE OF SATAN! MY BODY SHIVERS LIKE A HAIRLESS ANTARCTICAN HOUSE CAT. MY BODY TREMBLES LIKE AUSTIN SANDERS WHEN HE TESTIFIED AGAINST JERRY SANDUSKY! MY EYES BURN LIKE THE GENITALS OF THE CENA! MY THROAT IS AS DRY AS VICKY GUERRERO'S SNATCH! MY TONGUE IS AS HAIRY AS A.J.'S BUSH! my hair feels like munchkins of hippocracy are poking at the EVER KNOWING FOLLICLES IN MY unyeilding cranium. MY FEET ARE ENRAGED, MY HANDS ARE
POWERLESS! my chest caves in as though it plays baseball in a BLUE L.A. HAT! MY BOWELS ARE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND THE ENGULFING AMOUNT OF PRESSURE IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH! MY HANDS TREMBLE, MY LEGS ARE WEAK, MY BRAIN IS NUMB, IT'S SOOOOOOO COLD IN HERE, I'M BURNING ALIVE! MY FINGERNAILS ARE LEAKING, MY TOENAILS HAVE FORGOTTEN, MY BEARD HATH SHAVEN, MY EYEBROWNS YET FLOUNDER IN THE STENCH OF THE UNWILLING! my collar bone has received the PARANORMAL GUILT FROM WITHIN! THE BUGS CRAWL! ALAS, look away from...... your warrior. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GODS ARE NOT OF WHICH THE POWER THE WARRIOR..... so desperately craves. *Continues throwing darts at Papa Shango's face for throwing away his drug dealer's phone number*
See what the fuck you did Papa Shango? Leave the God Damn Warrior alone.
-Spence
P.S. It happened, and there is no medication you can take to get rid of it. *Trademark*
Dustin Hawes
Fuck Tony Danza by Dustin (Don't call me Faber) Hawes
Alright, so the king of the ring is in the books huh? Well, we've come a
long, long way guys. Through thick and thin we have remained cordial and
civil to each other the entire time. There is a strong bond we all share
and I am glad to have been apart of it for so long. Haha, fuck you guys
are stupid, I barely showed up here. However, some of these things remain
true. The King of The Ring tourney was great and full of surprises and
intrigue. Here is the thing though, we need more. So may I suggest an
Elimination Chamber or Royal Rumble or a good old fashion WCW Wargames?
Don't know how the fuck we can make it work but with all these intelligent
minds in the same place/Flawedcast community we should be able to come up
with something. Also, I would like to congratulate Billy Gunn Hodge on his
incredible showing in the tournament. You pillaged and plundered James
Ryan's orifices till the was no fluid left, and I am God Damn proud of you.
However, I do suggest that you know when to cut your singles career short
and not make the same mistakes that your predecessor under a very similar
name made in the past. With that said, I would like to cordial extend an
invitation to join me in my stable. Together, the Kroger Boys can reek
havoc on the rest of the mailbag and perhaps become tag team champions of
the Flawedcast Network for years to come. So join me, or don't join me.
Whatever, I really don't give a shit.
Kroger Boy 1 out
P.S. Here is a picture of Spence Hopkins current gimmick. Fuck you Spence,
you cock pot rib eating bitch!
P.P.S. I also found a childhood photo of Austin Sanders....
Stu Little
Long Live The King!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
Okay, enough of that shit. Congratulations Michael. A most deserved victory. It must feel like winning the Stanley Cup, only you know, with actual meaning(I only played NHL Hockey on the Genesis for the ability to knock the goalies out with slap shots and start brawls).
Scott used the one joke I had about SmackDown(thanks for inviting him on the show, jerks), so I'll just go straight onto Raw.
Was I the only person hoping that AJ's Coach was actually going to be THE Coach, Jonathan Coachman? That's Michael Cole's obnoxious announcer gimmick done RIGHT, and it'd give them a chance to get some more use out of one of the three dozen entrance themes that they made up for him during his tenure. It would have certainly been better than the guy they went with. Did you know they actually had a poll on wwe.com asking if you thought that guy's influence did any good for AJ? Yeah, standing there and not saying anything was clearly having a big impact.
Big Show and Sheamus had a debate. I dunno what the topic for it was meant to be, except maybe "Is this a worse idea than Nowinski/Steiner?". Also, when they announced it, the graphic had the american flag in the background, so...were we supposed to automatically side with the Big Show over the Irish guy? Because Show did pretty much make the most sense when he said "This has no reason to happen". It had no reason to happen, but there was nothing we could do about it.
Santino took on Heath Slater, who was backed up by the other members of his faction, um...The Ayr Sitar Heroes? And I have to echo the confusion about Jinder Mahal's presence here. Not because of his race, mind you. But because of his uselessness. At least Slater and McIntyre have been tag and Intercontinental champion respectively, what's Mahal accomplished? He didn't even try to charm Santino's Cobra by playing a flute and having a wicker basket handy.
Finally, on a more serious note:
Breast Cancer doesn't care if you had other plans
It doesn't care if you're about to get married
It doesn't care if you have a family
It doesn't care if you're a mother, grandmother, best friend or a daughter
It doesn't care if your car takes diesel or unleaded
It doesn't care if you like milk in your coffee
It doesn't care if you're from New Jersey
It doesn't care if you watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
It doesn't care if you paid Papa Shango for a protection spell
And it doesn't care if you have a penis.
For an initiative that's meant to be about raising awareness for this disease, they don't seem to want to mention the fact that men can contract it too. Admittedly, in a much, much, much smaller amount of cases, but still I think this calls for a storyline involving one of the male wrestlers. Like maybe Brodus Clay.
"Somebody Check My Mammaries!"
Cancer- it's not just for women and Adam Dan.
Later,
Stu
Dustin Faber
The pinnacle of failure
I feel like Warrior holding the WWE title and IC title at WrestleMania,
only without the cocaine binge and fondling of small children afterwards.
Being a champion on MNF carries certain responsibilities. A lot is expected
of me! I've noticed that in great emails, there are jokes, recaps, skits,
wrestling questions and degrading others. I will attempt all of
them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( . )( . ) BOOBIES!
Let's start with a joke or two
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We'd better straighten up or they're gonna think we're nuts!
Up next, I will do a recap of my own.
Hey everyone! It's your network's only Monday Night Flaw fan here with your
MNF recap! Now cue CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM'S MUSIC!
We started the show off with the voice of a Canadian God. Wait that's no
God, it's Scott Taylor! He, Andy and Chris talk about some inside stuff
that nobody cares about before getting to the recaps.
All three men recapped a show that they had never seen. Chris liked the
Diva's match, Andy thought Del Rio beating up Orton was great, and Scott
bitched about TNA not having any decent women. Oh irony! Five stars for not
having cable and not being able to receive TNA programming!
Then they talked about TNA and Scott read his own recap. Five starz for
PROSE!
Then they talked about RAW. And everyone laughed and had a good time. The
end.
OMG I'm gonna ask a real wrestling question! What move do you think is
cooler, a DDT or a spinebuster? What does DDT stand for? Does the spine
buster really bust your spine? WHY DOES SPAGHETTI HAVE SUCH A STUPID NAME?
AHEM.
Allright, sorry about that frog in my throat. Speaking of things in
people's throats, I'd like to hear some words from our sponsor.
(INSERT Brawndo commercial)
One thing I really love about MNF is the sketches that Chris and Andy do.
So I've composed one for you both to perform. Andy will play the role of
Random Guy #3, and Chris will play the part of Cam Gullett. Lights, camera
(hahaha like we can afford one of those!), Action!
Cam: Hey.
Random Guy #3: Hey.
Cam: I'm lonely. Do you want to be my friend?
RG3: No.
And scene!
Finally, there is a man who is intercontinental champion. He is Dustin
Faber. And he is totes retarded! I am a horrible person, and an even worse
human being. The greatest thing that could have ever happened to this world
is if my mom had used a coat hanger.
(Puts gun in mouth and pulls trigger)
Love,
Dustin Faber
P.S. That was a water gun btw. Like I'm stupid enough to die in a podcast!
Austin Sanders
(ed. note- left out of voting by request)
*Warning. This is Not a funny Email. I'm serious.This will ruin the flow of the show. I can understand if you skip this. I just had to let it out somehow*
***And no, that tag line dosn't lead to any kind of joke. This is a real
thing that happened to me this week. Or to be more accurate, what happened
to one of my old friends whos name will not be mention due to the respect
of such great friend. So if you don't want to ruin ANY kind of funny
momentum you have right now, I'm serious. Move on. You have been seriously
warned. I understand that this is a funny jokey show, But I'm going to talk
about some real life shit out of frustration, anger, helplessness, and
sadness. If you DO so happen to keep reading, the only thing I would
appreciate is if there are any spelling or grammar errors, please do not
make fun of them as this isn't the time to due so. I think it's good to air
out some frustration in a way other than physical violence. There's a
message in this email, and it'll also explain why I'm not contributing to
this email show for only a little while. Thank you and if you choose to
continue, please proceed.***
So I'm talking as Austin Sanders and Not the TheTallOne that attempts to
entertain every week.....aside from last week of course. I want to kinda
rant about-
"TheTallOne"- SUP FAGGO-
*Gets shot in the Leg*
Yeah, lay low this week buddy. You're the kind of person I'm just wanting
to kill right now.
ANYWAY, on to the seriousness. If you know who I really am, then you would
know that I'm not the gay hating machine that emails in every week. In
fact, in high school, I was part of this club called "the alliance". In
wrestling, that's a shity storyline, but in my school, it was a club for
people (gay OR straight) who promote gay rights and fight the people who
either think that it's a choice or who just hate gays for pretty much no
reason except for outdated religious beliefs. We would have a couple
different events that would represent the gay community. Our favorite was
"The day of silence" where all school day, if you had a sticker over your
mouth that said "silence", you didn't have to speak for the rest of the
school day. At the last bell, we would tear off our stickers and scream as
loud as we could for as LONG as we could. This symbolized that it was not
ok to be kept in the closet because of fear or ridicule from others, and
instead be honest with who you really are.One of my long long long time
buddies also recently revealed to some of his friends on the street he was
gay. And after he revealed his long hidden secret to his closest friends...
He was stabbed and murdered...by his "best friends."
Needless to say, I cracked the nearest wall with all the power my fist
could provide after discovering this from an instant message on Facebook
from another """""friend"""".
After he tells me the news, I didn't answer for an hour. After finally
cooling down, I asked when his funeral was. I got back this.
"IDC, good riddance to that queer. lol"
Good thing that idiot lives in Texas. Cause I have no problem subjecting
every nightmare inducing torture to his gutless soul, and then...end him.
Why? I just don't know why? Because people live in fear and hatred and all
they can think about is making someones life EVEN WORSE than theirs.Who
gets up in the fucking morning and the first thought on their minds was "Oh
man those gay people, they're gonna get it. And if I hear a peep from ONE
MORE gay person.....bam."
That's my friend he killed. And I don't even get the fucking decency to be
informed by someone who knows how to treat a death. No, I get a pompus ass,
who obvious dosn't know that "the right to free speech" DOSN'T FUCKING MEAN
"THE RIGHT TO TAKE ANOTHER LIFE BECAUSE THEY DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I THINK!"
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID GUTLESS COWARD! THAT MURDERER TOOK MY FUCKING FRIEND
YOU GODDAMN IDIOT. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT CONGRATS! YOU MADE AN
ENTIRE FAMILY SUFFER. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE!
This is why I love Dustin. He's religious, but dosn't pull out the book and
jam it in your face or, even better, hates ANY kind of person WHAT SO EVER.
Dustin, YOU'RE the living example of acceptance. And for that, I thank you.
There's a reason why I'm telling you this. Not just because I want to air
out any kind of frustration. By the time I'm typing this, on a Wendsday
night, I heard of this news 2 days ago.
I'm not comfortable writing a "gay hating email" for awhile. So this was
ALSO to tell you that I'm probably going to be absent from the show for a
little while.
Again, I'm sorry that I had to "get real" on this podcast here. I just
think it's important to know that there's a difference between joking and
legit hating.Even if TheTallOne is just a joking around version of me, I'm
not prepared to make any kind of hurtful joke at this time. He's the
embodiment of what I hate right now. I created him, and I can take him away
too.
I loved the man who was killed as one of MY best friends.RIP to him. And I
will continue to show support to his family through this difficult time.
And my first step is to kill off this Hate spewing bastard I created.
*looks at TheTallOne as he whimpers in pain. Aims a gun at his heart*
TheTallOne-- "Hehehe COUGH COUGH......Ugh.........For the record....I'm
glad your faggot friend's d-"
*Gun shot*
*Gun shot*
*Gun Shot*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
.......
The real faggot was you all along.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Austin Sanders
Cliff Snotes
THREE
WELCOME! TO FLAW IS...
Three. Yes. I will count to Three
This is a Haiku.
Like that Catholic who speaks whimsically,
I am going to ramble nonsensically.
Maybe punshouse will give more votes,
To the guy who calls himself Cliff Snotes.
I am a worm. I am a maggot.
I will call everyone else a faggot.
I will speak loud. I WILL SHOUT IT.
And there is nothing you can do about it.
I am sorry. This was a terrible idea. Blame Scott Taylor.
I want to get your take on something... I heard some rumors that the WWE is really coming down hard on controlling the "outside interests" of their superstars. This started with Kelly Kelly, as she had some outside modeling and wanted the freedom to do that. I don't really care about Kelly Kelly, but it quickly led to rumors that both Edge and Chris Jericho are in the doghouse with WWE for not 100% sticking to the party line. Apparently Edge hasn't or won't sign the WWE Legends contract as it's written. Had he signed it, he wouldn't be allowed to appear at a Tommy Dreamer indy show. And now Beth Phoenix is in the doghouse by association. As for Jericho, apparently the WWE doesn't like him having all his outside interests, including Fozzy! It sounds like the WWE actually wants Jericho to bring his band under the WWE umbrella, or they won't re-sign him, which has to be the most ridiculous negotiation I can think of. I actually think the WWE should go the other way, and ENCOURAGE these people to have outside interests.
Thanks Andy.
I am Cliff Snotes.
JB King
Return of the (other) King
Hello again to Moose Dick and the Howling Monkey. I have returned after a
small break. I apologize for last week. I was under the impression that
James Ryan was a responsible human being who didn’t procrastinate and leave
a shitty email ready for air. I went through hell and back
(literally…thanks Chris and Andy) to give the best emails I could this
summer and now the Fall season for JB King goes on a whimper. Thanks James.
But don’t bother trying to give criticism to an ‘art school kid’, its
fucking pointless. That sassy hipster knows what works, or at least that’s
what he tells me. Then again, this is the same guy that thought a 6 ½ hour
Creep show didn’t need “cleaning up”. Sorry for throwing you under the
Enright there Ja-Ry. Love you and still hope to do a real live recap with
you and Andy some week.
By the way, it seems we can no longer go to our comedy ‘cash cow’ James
Enright. Oh well, I guess Andy has gotten softer than Dustin Faber’s dick
while driving past a Planned Parenthood office. You who else gave great
abortions? Papa Shango. He just casted a spell and boom! Vomiting vaginas!
Back to the topic at hand, I guess I will honor MNF’s code and will leave
James Enright alone. I had a joke about how James’ teeth are so crooked he
could bite an apple through a fence, but I won’t. I could have said he has
the proportions of a being a beanbag chair, but I can’t. And I was going to
ask how could a guy with a head that big and glasses that thick could be so
stupid, but I refuse. Great Pumpkin jokes? Not this Halloween I suppose.
But it’s ok, in memory of your mockery I will go to a local Dairy Farm and
tip over the nearest bovine when I can.
I’m glad Chris finally dropped the “King Slayer” gimmick. I was about to
call you out on it. Because (and sorry for stealing your bit Jon Drouin
but) YOU SEE CHRIS~
I find it odd that you of all people want to called the king slayer. How on
earth can Chris call himself the king slayer, when I have practically
brought him to the edge of multiple heart attacks caused from laughter.
Seriously, go to the tapes we all remember them. So remember, don’t give
yourself title unless there is some merit to it. (The More you Know NBC
Chime)
But I digress, I hope you at least man-up’d and turned in a Booboo recap.
Pretty ironic how you decided to be a caring father when it was most
convenient to you, hmmm. Then again, I don’t blame you for dodging the
show. Until Andy (or anyone else for that matter) watches it, they will
never know. It’ll be our Vietnam.
Scott just wanted to say you did a great job this week on the recap but you
might want to blow your nose before reading it. You sounded a little
nasally there. Also, I find it funny that you accused me a borrowing too
much of your material for my BooBoo recaps, only for you to drag my
“technical difficulties” joke to the ground this week. Sheesh, take it easy
Ramano Mencia.
Hodgey congrats! I feel bad for him knowing the only redeeming prize he got
was a plug for his show. Yeah, because Andy and Chris never plug other
shows on this network…EVER. Christ, is that all he gets? Good to know half
of the contestants didn’t have a show to plug if we won. Congrats to JB
KING! Let’s plug his imaginary Komedy Korner. Yeah, that’s proof that Andy
doesn’t say ‘yes’ to every idea on this network. It’s probably because I’m
Italian (or whatever race Andy guesses wrong about me this week) and he’s a
racist jerk face.
Also congrats to Dustin Faber for being the second person to ever win both
belts in the same night! I’ve noticed from your recent emails you are
already on the cocaine, so your Ultimate Warrior gimmick is working just
fine. But let me ask you something Dustin, can you keep up? Will you falter
and crash like Austin Sanders? Will you have a downfall like I did when I
was on the coke? How far will you push the limits of your emails AND your
perceptions of reality? Knowing you have spewed such hatred each week, how
can you live with yourself sir? You know as well as anybody the guilt you
feel when staring into your daughter eyes wondering “Is the best example I
am setting?” The answer is no Dustin. It will come to the point where you
will be making these odd proclamations at work. Because talking about
Snuffiluficus piercing your penis with a Funyun on live radio is clearly
frowned upon in Pennsylvania. They are a Frito state anyway. So just be
careful, love you champ.
I was going to mention Austin Sanders and his band of retarded men, but
mentioning them would require me to give a shit about those birth defected
mutants that work at Denny’s, which clearly I don’t. I already cut a check
to Saint Jude’s hospital, so they can go back to huffing paint in the back
of hardware store and bothering the homeless like poor Adam Dan or Papa
Shango.
Holy shit is this a wrestling show? FUCK NO! But let’s believe it is anyway!
So it looks like you guys are still bummed about the whole team Hell No
fiasco. Christ, if this is how you guys are going to be when your favorite
interest loses remind me to stay the fuck away after the election this
year. Anyway, it’s not all bad because ~YOU SEE CHRIS
We live in a democratic society where the people (I.E. the WWE universe)
have the right and privilege to decide what they want. You may be one vote
but they were many. And even with this name given, that is not going to
stop Daniel Bryan, Kane and Dr. Shelby from making awesome segments and
matches. As a matter of fact, you can see their awesome shirts right here!
Take a look.
shop.wwe.com/Daniel-Bryan-Kane-%22Hugging-Is-All-The-Rage%22-Authentic-T-Shirt/W04599,default,pd.html?dwvar_W04599_color=Light%20Grey&start=13&cgid=New
shop.wwe.com/Daniel-Bryan-Kane-Hell-No-Authentic-T-Shirt/W04597,default,pd.html?dwvar_W04597_color=Red&start=23&cgid=New
So don’t be pissy, soon you will forget about this and just continue to
enjoy the people behind the tag team and not just the name. (The More you
Know NBC Chime)
Onto the questions!
Question One: Was WWE really that ‘respected’ in the Attitude Era? I know
the term overrated, overhyped, or over appreciated it tossed around on the
former generation of wrestling. But WWE back then was pretty low ball and
sleazy. If shows like The Soup were around back then do you think they
would have pushed/lowered the bar the way they did? Val Venis getting his
peepee chopped off. May Young giving birth to Adam Dan. Trish being
belittled by Vince and being forced to bark like a dog. Katie Vick. Just
wanted your thoughts.
Question Two: Heath Slater has a stable? Really? They are a living
breathing bar joke. A ginger, and Scotsmen and a sandnnnn-nevermind walk
into a bar. I guess we need to come up with names for the stable. The
Entourage maybe? The Band? J.O.B. Squad 2012? Team Friendship (no one is
taking that one). Just wanted to know what you’d like to call them before
the WWE Universe gives them the name ‘Slater and the haters’ or some stupid
like that. Also, do you see anything good coming from this stable?
Question Three: Fantasy (League) Booking. I know some of you are in the
midst of either loving or hating your fantasy football league choices right
now. By the way Stu, you might want to just go ahead and play FIFA for
about 10 minutes or so while I ask this. Anyway, the big PPV is coming soon
and would want to know who would you bench and who would you keep in?
Imagine this fantasy league each wrestler is awarded points for victories
as well as putting on a great match with little to no botches as well as an
interesting angle to it. I’m sure Dolph Ziggler would be an interesting
choice, he would earn a lot of points for making a 4-5 star matches but you
have to remember it’s Dolph Ziggler, so he probably won’t win and lose out
on a lot of points. Sheamus, while constantly winning suffers from poor
opponent choices and shitty angles and sub-par matches. So outside of CM
Punk or Cena, who would make an excellent fantasy league wrestler from here
til’ next Wrestlemania and why?
And that does it for this week. And in honor of this week’s new segment, I
learned something today~
(South Park serious piano music)
Originally, when I mocked AJ Lee about her supposed massive bush, I did it
for a cheap laugh. Surely a little girl with shorts like that couldn’t
possibly have gigantic thick bird’s nest covering that slanted vagina.
Alas, I discovered something beautiful about her. Something I can never
look away from. For you see gentlemen, AJ Lee…
i.imgur.com/xzsdf.png
…Has a Massive Dick! Good luck jacking it to that Chris. You’re welcome
Sarah.
Love, peace and penis grease
Johnny
Jonathan Huggins
my first time
hello to Andy, Chris, James, Austin or whoever else is running the show this week. long time listener, first time emailer, and another fan from across the water. (thats the UK
this weeks MNF inspired me to sign up with puns house, just so i could get my right to vote. no secrecy needed, it will be going to Mr Alt. the only exposure i'd ever had of that advert for ethnic cleansing was this 3 minute video, that was apparently the root of all this evil...
just that clip was enough to know the pain and sheer mental anguish that Mr Alt went through in 30 minutes, all for our entertainment. i am giving my own slow clap, and with all sincerity i say "good job, good effort"
the reviews of honey booboo i think need to be shared out, there are lessons that several of the flawedcast presenters could learn.
Dustin. watching one episode of this would shake your faith to its very core. God makes man, man fucks sister, Mommy June is born. if god created us in his own image, that abomination must have been on the day after he created coke and LSD.
James Enright, you can look to the mother as a mentor of how to get into that fighting shape you've been longing for. simply following the trail of man vs food locations like a big fleshy hoover clearly hasn't quite done the job. follow her example for butter and spaghetti and soon you could add 6 chins to your mangled mouth and the gut that hangs so far and hangs so low, that even Cam wouldn't go searching for your cock with the promise that your jizz has a cure for Alzheimers that his parents so desperately need.
BVA, no one really needs to say what you could gain, apart from 6 inches whenever honeybooboo is strutting her stuff, or 8 inches when there's talk of the elder sister giving birth to a fresh baby soon.
great show guys, am looking forward to the next tournament.
your new english pal, Jon James.
P.S. the anti spamming input on the puns house registraion seems to have slightly racist programming. my first set of words were FRANKS AND BEANS, the second set was PRIME TIME.
Adam Dan
Herper Berthder, Derstern Ferber!
Jerms Ehrnrert ers a fert perse erv shert. Ah herp herr perershers ern a mersserve Werffle Herse ferr.
Derstern Ferber ers serper ersum. Derstern Ferber herd a berthder nert ter lerng ager. Herper berlerted berthder, Derstern Ferber! Ah herp yer enjyer bernerng ern derr erternerr flerms erv serferrerng fer yer serns.
EHRMAHGERD! PERP TERTS!
Term Rerper?!? Merr lerk Term Rerped-a-nersty-fert...EHRMAHRERT?!?
Stert Lertler ers frerm Skertlernd. Stert perberler lerks ter ferck sherp.
EHRMAHGERD! BJERK!
Merker Herdge ers der ner Kerng Erv Der Rerng! Cerngrercherlersherns, Merker Herdge!
Sperkerng erv Kerngs, Jer Ber Kerng ers a ferckerng ahrterd. Plerz kyerr yerserf.
EHRMAHGERD! MERKY MERK ERN DERR FERNKER BERNCH!
Derd ah mernchern dert Jerms Ehrnrert ers a serper fert dernkee fercker?
Herleerwerd Fergert, Jerms Rerern ers der Gerldern Verce erv der Flerdkerst Nertwerk. Jerms Rerern alser enjers Gerldern Sherrers frerm Derckter Gerrlfrernd.
EHRMAGERD! MERN KERMF!
Clerfs Nerts ers berk ter berrng ferny. Ah wersh he wers berk ter slerlee berrnerng ern a dermpster.
Werkerm ahberd, Spernce Herpkerns. Err lerk yer ser fer. Dern't tern ernter dert dershberg Erstern Sernders.
EHRMAGERD! WERRYER!
Erstern Sernders lerst herss vergernerty ern a Hernday Verlerster. Er herv no ideeyerr hawie wers erberr ter gert thert fert bertch ern thert cermperct cerr.
Cherm Gerrt wernce herd serks werth Serpyernter Merrikern werrerng a Frernch Terckler. Cherm, ert herperned, ernd therrs nertherng yer kern der erbert ert.™
EHRMAGERD! HERPERS!
(NSFW) reveal4real.org/images/STDs/herpes.png
Yer Berder,
Erderm Dern
Herst erv Dernderer Merberr Rahdyer, ernler ern der Flerdkerst Nertwerk
Jon Drouin
I want a title belt!
Andy and Chris,
Hello!
Sorry that I have been away for a few weeks... I've missed you guys.
There's now a King of The Ring, and last week two guys announced that they were tag team champions of Monday Night Flaw. You can do that? Well I don't want to be left behind. Therefore, I would like to make an announcement.
< cough, cough > Ahem.
I, Jo n Drouin, am declaring myself the Monday Night Flaw NXT Champion!
I will defend this belt on a secondary show that most people don't listen to... perhaps Wait Til Next Year.
Also, as the NXT champ, I will only appear occasionally on Male Bag. Finally, as your new NXT Champ, I will----
CAM GULLETT'S MUSIC HITS
CAM GULLETT: Jon! NXT, really? Really? Really? You are so much better than that sir. When my buddy Dustin Faber introduced me to you at church a few weeks ago, I really saw something in you. After the Priest pulled his pants back up I noticed something else in you: greatness! You are destined for greatness good sir and I am going to help you get there, brother. We should be the MNF Tag Team Champions of the World!
JON DROUIN: Wow. Cam, you want me to be your tag team partner? That's great! Do you have any experience with Tag Teaming?
CAM GULLETT: I have more experience with Tag Teaming than anyone you will ever meet. I have been in 6-man tags, 8-man tags, even as high as 200-man tag teams!
JON DROUIN: Well, Cam can you give me some advice for tag teams?
CAM GULLETT: The real trick to success in tag teaming with a bunch of guys is to make sure you get in and then out again quickly, followed by in again and then out. Really it is all about rinse and repeat on these steps.
JON DROUIN: What about James Ryan and JB King? They didn't do that. They wrote such a long email last week.
CAM GULLETT: The Retarded Enigma and The Hollywood Faggot were about as brutal of a team as my two pimps when I don't bring in enough gentlemen on fleet week. The Monday Night Flaw audience deserves a better class of tag teams, and we're going to give it to 'em. WE ARE THE NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS NOW!!
JON DROUIN: Wow! This is going to be great! Nothing can stop me now that Cam Gullett is watching my back!
Andy and Chris, have a great week.
Jon Drouin
Papa Shango
Stop it
Dear Chris,
Stop.
Just fucking stop.
Stop mentioning me.
I didn't even like this gimmick.
Fuck you mark.
No, I will not be on your show.
No, I will not put a curse on this Spence guy.
Do not come visit me.
I will not go to Buffalo Wild Wings with you.
Go fuck yourself.
Papa Shango.
Michael Hodge
The Coronation of King Hodgey the First, Absolute Ruler of All He Surveys
[British accent]Good morrow, Sirs Chrandy.
Let it not be said that my esteemed opponents in the Kay Oh Tee Arr Pee Pee Vee were not worthy. Let it not be said that they took me lightly. Let it not be said that this whole thing was silly.[/British accent]
It's
still real to me, dammit. Finally, I get to be in a Cinderella story that's not just about wearing the pretty pretty dress.
To my opponents, I'd like to say thank you for not eviscerating me. You were all kinder than I was. Dumb move, apparently.
More specifically, to James "Beer Baron" Ryan, you seem to have misunderstood. The point was not to grab the nearest "king" and have him do half the job for you. In
fact, grabbing that particular King seems to have ensured that you jobbed.
Maybe in the future, stick to what you're good at: the Army of Dorkness podcast. It's a lot of fun to listen to, and I wish it came out more often. Hopefully, you and Cam can work out a more regular schedule. I honestly and sincerely wish you the best of luck in your burgeoning acting career. You're an engaging and hilarious guy. You'll find success.
To Adam "Gator" Dan, you're amazing. You beat cancer and haters and your show on the Flawedcast Network is awesome. I really look forward to hearing it twice a week.
To Tom "Ryan Dangerfield" Roper, congrats. We're all wrestling fans, but you had the balls to step up and participate. I really hope that you're able to break through and find mainstream success.
It was really fun to go up against all four of you in this thing. And again, thanks for not being dicks.
To Andy and Chris, there's no way I win this without you selling the shit out of my jokes, many of which were pretty lame. I appreciate it.
In closing, listen to the International House of Podcasting. Follow us on Twitter @ihoppodcast. E-mail us at IHOP@flawedcast.net. Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/IHOPpodcast.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey
Spence Hopkins
shiver shiver *snort* shiver
Umm......
warriors. the gods have forsaken... the chosen one. my blood boils like it has made its bed in THE MICROWAVE OF SATAN! MY BODY SHIVERS LIKE A HAIRLESS ANTARCTICAN HOUSE CAT. MY BODY TREMBLES LIKE AUSTIN SANDERS WHEN HE TESTIFIED AGAINST JERRY SANDUSKY! MY EYES BURN LIKE THE GENITALS OF THE CENA! MY THROAT IS AS DRY AS VICKY GUERRERO'S SNATCH! MY TONGUE IS AS HAIRY AS A.J.'S BUSH! my hair feels like munchkins of hippocracy are poking at the EVER KNOWING FOLLICLES IN MY unyeilding cranium. MY FEET ARE ENRAGED, MY HANDS ARE
POWERLESS! my chest caves in as though it plays baseball in a BLUE L.A. HAT! MY BOWELS ARE UNABLE TO COMPREHEND THE ENGULFING AMOUNT OF PRESSURE IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH! MY HANDS TREMBLE, MY LEGS ARE WEAK, MY BRAIN IS NUMB, IT'S SOOOOOOO COLD IN HERE, I'M BURNING ALIVE! MY FINGERNAILS ARE LEAKING, MY TOENAILS HAVE FORGOTTEN, MY BEARD HATH SHAVEN, MY EYEBROWNS YET FLOUNDER IN THE STENCH OF THE UNWILLING! my collar bone has received the PARANORMAL GUILT FROM WITHIN! THE BUGS CRAWL! ALAS, look away from...... your warrior. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GODS ARE NOT OF WHICH THE POWER THE WARRIOR..... so desperately craves. *Continues throwing darts at Papa Shango's face for throwing away his drug dealer's phone number*
See what the fuck you did Papa Shango? Leave the God Damn Warrior alone.
-Spence
P.S. It happened, and there is no medication you can take to get rid of it. *Trademark*
Dustin Hawes
Fuck Tony Danza by Dustin (Don't call me Faber) Hawes
Alright, so the king of the ring is in the books huh? Well, we've come a
long, long way guys. Through thick and thin we have remained cordial and
civil to each other the entire time. There is a strong bond we all share
and I am glad to have been apart of it for so long. Haha, fuck you guys
are stupid, I barely showed up here. However, some of these things remain
true. The King of The Ring tourney was great and full of surprises and
intrigue. Here is the thing though, we need more. So may I suggest an
Elimination Chamber or Royal Rumble or a good old fashion WCW Wargames?
Don't know how the fuck we can make it work but with all these intelligent
minds in the same place/Flawedcast community we should be able to come up
with something. Also, I would like to congratulate Billy Gunn Hodge on his
incredible showing in the tournament. You pillaged and plundered James
Ryan's orifices till the was no fluid left, and I am God Damn proud of you.
However, I do suggest that you know when to cut your singles career short
and not make the same mistakes that your predecessor under a very similar
name made in the past. With that said, I would like to cordial extend an
invitation to join me in my stable. Together, the Kroger Boys can reek
havoc on the rest of the mailbag and perhaps become tag team champions of
the Flawedcast Network for years to come. So join me, or don't join me.
Whatever, I really don't give a shit.
Kroger Boy 1 out
P.S. Here is a picture of Spence Hopkins current gimmick. Fuck you Spence,
you cock pot rib eating bitch!
P.P.S. I also found a childhood photo of Austin Sanders....
Stu Little
Long Live The King!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
ALL HAIL KING HODGEY!
Okay, enough of that shit. Congratulations Michael. A most deserved victory. It must feel like winning the Stanley Cup, only you know, with actual meaning(I only played NHL Hockey on the Genesis for the ability to knock the goalies out with slap shots and start brawls).
Scott used the one joke I had about SmackDown(thanks for inviting him on the show, jerks), so I'll just go straight onto Raw.
Was I the only person hoping that AJ's Coach was actually going to be THE Coach, Jonathan Coachman? That's Michael Cole's obnoxious announcer gimmick done RIGHT, and it'd give them a chance to get some more use out of one of the three dozen entrance themes that they made up for him during his tenure. It would have certainly been better than the guy they went with. Did you know they actually had a poll on wwe.com asking if you thought that guy's influence did any good for AJ? Yeah, standing there and not saying anything was clearly having a big impact.
Big Show and Sheamus had a debate. I dunno what the topic for it was meant to be, except maybe "Is this a worse idea than Nowinski/Steiner?". Also, when they announced it, the graphic had the american flag in the background, so...were we supposed to automatically side with the Big Show over the Irish guy? Because Show did pretty much make the most sense when he said "This has no reason to happen". It had no reason to happen, but there was nothing we could do about it.
Santino took on Heath Slater, who was backed up by the other members of his faction, um...The Ayr Sitar Heroes? And I have to echo the confusion about Jinder Mahal's presence here. Not because of his race, mind you. But because of his uselessness. At least Slater and McIntyre have been tag and Intercontinental champion respectively, what's Mahal accomplished? He didn't even try to charm Santino's Cobra by playing a flute and having a wicker basket handy.
Finally, on a more serious note:
Breast Cancer doesn't care if you had other plans
It doesn't care if you're about to get married
It doesn't care if you have a family
It doesn't care if you're a mother, grandmother, best friend or a daughter
It doesn't care if your car takes diesel or unleaded
It doesn't care if you like milk in your coffee
It doesn't care if you're from New Jersey
It doesn't care if you watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
It doesn't care if you paid Papa Shango for a protection spell
And it doesn't care if you have a penis.
For an initiative that's meant to be about raising awareness for this disease, they don't seem to want to mention the fact that men can contract it too. Admittedly, in a much, much, much smaller amount of cases, but still I think this calls for a storyline involving one of the male wrestlers. Like maybe Brodus Clay.
"Somebody Check My Mammaries!"
Cancer- it's not just for women and Adam Dan.
Later,
Stu
Dustin Faber
The pinnacle of failure
I feel like Warrior holding the WWE title and IC title at WrestleMania,
only without the cocaine binge and fondling of small children afterwards.
Being a champion on MNF carries certain responsibilities. A lot is expected
of me! I've noticed that in great emails, there are jokes, recaps, skits,
wrestling questions and degrading others. I will attempt all of
them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( . )( . ) BOOBIES!
Let's start with a joke or two
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We'd better straighten up or they're gonna think we're nuts!
Up next, I will do a recap of my own.
Hey everyone! It's your network's only Monday Night Flaw fan here with your
MNF recap! Now cue CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM'S MUSIC!
We started the show off with the voice of a Canadian God. Wait that's no
God, it's Scott Taylor! He, Andy and Chris talk about some inside stuff
that nobody cares about before getting to the recaps.
All three men recapped a show that they had never seen. Chris liked the
Diva's match, Andy thought Del Rio beating up Orton was great, and Scott
bitched about TNA not having any decent women. Oh irony! Five stars for not
having cable and not being able to receive TNA programming!
Then they talked about TNA and Scott read his own recap. Five starz for
PROSE!
Then they talked about RAW. And everyone laughed and had a good time. The
end.
OMG I'm gonna ask a real wrestling question! What move do you think is
cooler, a DDT or a spinebuster? What does DDT stand for? Does the spine
buster really bust your spine? WHY DOES SPAGHETTI HAVE SUCH A STUPID NAME?
AHEM.
Allright, sorry about that frog in my throat. Speaking of things in
people's throats, I'd like to hear some words from our sponsor.
(INSERT Brawndo commercial)
One thing I really love about MNF is the sketches that Chris and Andy do.
So I've composed one for you both to perform. Andy will play the role of
Random Guy #3, and Chris will play the part of Cam Gullett. Lights, camera
(hahaha like we can afford one of those!), Action!
Cam: Hey.
Random Guy #3: Hey.
Cam: I'm lonely. Do you want to be my friend?
RG3: No.
And scene!
Finally, there is a man who is intercontinental champion. He is Dustin
Faber. And he is totes retarded! I am a horrible person, and an even worse
human being. The greatest thing that could have ever happened to this world
is if my mom had used a coat hanger.
(Puts gun in mouth and pulls trigger)
Love,
Dustin Faber
P.S. That was a water gun btw. Like I'm stupid enough to die in a podcast!
Austin Sanders
(ed. note- left out of voting by request)
*Warning. This is Not a funny Email. I'm serious.This will ruin the flow of the show. I can understand if you skip this. I just had to let it out somehow*
***And no, that tag line dosn't lead to any kind of joke. This is a real
thing that happened to me this week. Or to be more accurate, what happened
to one of my old friends whos name will not be mention due to the respect
of such great friend. So if you don't want to ruin ANY kind of funny
momentum you have right now, I'm serious. Move on. You have been seriously
warned. I understand that this is a funny jokey show, But I'm going to talk
about some real life shit out of frustration, anger, helplessness, and
sadness. If you DO so happen to keep reading, the only thing I would
appreciate is if there are any spelling or grammar errors, please do not
make fun of them as this isn't the time to due so. I think it's good to air
out some frustration in a way other than physical violence. There's a
message in this email, and it'll also explain why I'm not contributing to
this email show for only a little while. Thank you and if you choose to
continue, please proceed.***
So I'm talking as Austin Sanders and Not the TheTallOne that attempts to
entertain every week.....aside from last week of course. I want to kinda
rant about-
"TheTallOne"- SUP FAGGO-
*Gets shot in the Leg*
Yeah, lay low this week buddy. You're the kind of person I'm just wanting
to kill right now.
ANYWAY, on to the seriousness. If you know who I really am, then you would
know that I'm not the gay hating machine that emails in every week. In
fact, in high school, I was part of this club called "the alliance". In
wrestling, that's a shity storyline, but in my school, it was a club for
people (gay OR straight) who promote gay rights and fight the people who
either think that it's a choice or who just hate gays for pretty much no
reason except for outdated religious beliefs. We would have a couple
different events that would represent the gay community. Our favorite was
"The day of silence" where all school day, if you had a sticker over your
mouth that said "silence", you didn't have to speak for the rest of the
school day. At the last bell, we would tear off our stickers and scream as
loud as we could for as LONG as we could. This symbolized that it was not
ok to be kept in the closet because of fear or ridicule from others, and
instead be honest with who you really are.One of my long long long time
buddies also recently revealed to some of his friends on the street he was
gay. And after he revealed his long hidden secret to his closest friends...
He was stabbed and murdered...by his "best friends."
Needless to say, I cracked the nearest wall with all the power my fist
could provide after discovering this from an instant message on Facebook
from another """""friend"""".
After he tells me the news, I didn't answer for an hour. After finally
cooling down, I asked when his funeral was. I got back this.
"IDC, good riddance to that queer. lol"
Good thing that idiot lives in Texas. Cause I have no problem subjecting
every nightmare inducing torture to his gutless soul, and then...end him.
Why? I just don't know why? Because people live in fear and hatred and all
they can think about is making someones life EVEN WORSE than theirs.Who
gets up in the fucking morning and the first thought on their minds was "Oh
man those gay people, they're gonna get it. And if I hear a peep from ONE
MORE gay person.....bam."
That's my friend he killed. And I don't even get the fucking decency to be
informed by someone who knows how to treat a death. No, I get a pompus ass,
who obvious dosn't know that "the right to free speech" DOSN'T FUCKING MEAN
"THE RIGHT TO TAKE ANOTHER LIFE BECAUSE THEY DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I THINK!"
STUPID, STUPID, STUPID GUTLESS COWARD! THAT MURDERER TOOK MY FUCKING FRIEND
YOU GODDAMN IDIOT. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT CONGRATS! YOU MADE AN
ENTIRE FAMILY SUFFER. I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE!
This is why I love Dustin. He's religious, but dosn't pull out the book and
jam it in your face or, even better, hates ANY kind of person WHAT SO EVER.
Dustin, YOU'RE the living example of acceptance. And for that, I thank you.
There's a reason why I'm telling you this. Not just because I want to air
out any kind of frustration. By the time I'm typing this, on a Wendsday
night, I heard of this news 2 days ago.
I'm not comfortable writing a "gay hating email" for awhile. So this was
ALSO to tell you that I'm probably going to be absent from the show for a
little while.
Again, I'm sorry that I had to "get real" on this podcast here. I just
think it's important to know that there's a difference between joking and
legit hating.Even if TheTallOne is just a joking around version of me, I'm
not prepared to make any kind of hurtful joke at this time. He's the
embodiment of what I hate right now. I created him, and I can take him away
too.
I loved the man who was killed as one of MY best friends.RIP to him. And I
will continue to show support to his family through this difficult time.
And my first step is to kill off this Hate spewing bastard I created.
*looks at TheTallOne as he whimpers in pain. Aims a gun at his heart*
TheTallOne-- "Hehehe COUGH COUGH......Ugh.........For the record....I'm
glad your faggot friend's d-"
*Gun shot*
*Gun shot*
*Gun Shot*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
*GUN SHOT*
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*GUN SHOT*
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.......
The real faggot was you all along.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Austin Sanders
Cliff Snotes
THREE
WELCOME! TO FLAW IS...
Three. Yes. I will count to Three
This is a Haiku.
Like that Catholic who speaks whimsically,
I am going to ramble nonsensically.
Maybe punshouse will give more votes,
To the guy who calls himself Cliff Snotes.
I am a worm. I am a maggot.
I will call everyone else a faggot.
I will speak loud. I WILL SHOUT IT.
And there is nothing you can do about it.
I am sorry. This was a terrible idea. Blame Scott Taylor.
I want to get your take on something... I heard some rumors that the WWE is really coming down hard on controlling the "outside interests" of their superstars. This started with Kelly Kelly, as she had some outside modeling and wanted the freedom to do that. I don't really care about Kelly Kelly, but it quickly led to rumors that both Edge and Chris Jericho are in the doghouse with WWE for not 100% sticking to the party line. Apparently Edge hasn't or won't sign the WWE Legends contract as it's written. Had he signed it, he wouldn't be allowed to appear at a Tommy Dreamer indy show. And now Beth Phoenix is in the doghouse by association. As for Jericho, apparently the WWE doesn't like him having all his outside interests, including Fozzy! It sounds like the WWE actually wants Jericho to bring his band under the WWE umbrella, or they won't re-sign him, which has to be the most ridiculous negotiation I can think of. I actually think the WWE should go the other way, and ENCOURAGE these people to have outside interests.
Thanks Andy.
I am Cliff Snotes.
JB King
Return of the (other) King
Hello again to Moose Dick and the Howling Monkey. I have returned after a
small break. I apologize for last week. I was under the impression that
James Ryan was a responsible human being who didn’t procrastinate and leave
a shitty email ready for air. I went through hell and back
(literally…thanks Chris and Andy) to give the best emails I could this
summer and now the Fall season for JB King goes on a whimper. Thanks James.
But don’t bother trying to give criticism to an ‘art school kid’, its
fucking pointless. That sassy hipster knows what works, or at least that’s
what he tells me. Then again, this is the same guy that thought a 6 ½ hour
Creep show didn’t need “cleaning up”. Sorry for throwing you under the
Enright there Ja-Ry. Love you and still hope to do a real live recap with
you and Andy some week.
By the way, it seems we can no longer go to our comedy ‘cash cow’ James
Enright. Oh well, I guess Andy has gotten softer than Dustin Faber’s dick
while driving past a Planned Parenthood office. You who else gave great
abortions? Papa Shango. He just casted a spell and boom! Vomiting vaginas!
Back to the topic at hand, I guess I will honor MNF’s code and will leave
James Enright alone. I had a joke about how James’ teeth are so crooked he
could bite an apple through a fence, but I won’t. I could have said he has
the proportions of a being a beanbag chair, but I can’t. And I was going to
ask how could a guy with a head that big and glasses that thick could be so
stupid, but I refuse. Great Pumpkin jokes? Not this Halloween I suppose.
But it’s ok, in memory of your mockery I will go to a local Dairy Farm and
tip over the nearest bovine when I can.
I’m glad Chris finally dropped the “King Slayer” gimmick. I was about to
call you out on it. Because (and sorry for stealing your bit Jon Drouin
but) YOU SEE CHRIS~
I find it odd that you of all people want to called the king slayer. How on
earth can Chris call himself the king slayer, when I have practically
brought him to the edge of multiple heart attacks caused from laughter.
Seriously, go to the tapes we all remember them. So remember, don’t give
yourself title unless there is some merit to it. (The More you Know NBC
Chime)
But I digress, I hope you at least man-up’d and turned in a Booboo recap.
Pretty ironic how you decided to be a caring father when it was most
convenient to you, hmmm. Then again, I don’t blame you for dodging the
show. Until Andy (or anyone else for that matter) watches it, they will
never know. It’ll be our Vietnam.
Scott just wanted to say you did a great job this week on the recap but you
might want to blow your nose before reading it. You sounded a little
nasally there. Also, I find it funny that you accused me a borrowing too
much of your material for my BooBoo recaps, only for you to drag my
“technical difficulties” joke to the ground this week. Sheesh, take it easy
Ramano Mencia.
Hodgey congrats! I feel bad for him knowing the only redeeming prize he got
was a plug for his show. Yeah, because Andy and Chris never plug other
shows on this network…EVER. Christ, is that all he gets? Good to know half
of the contestants didn’t have a show to plug if we won. Congrats to JB
KING! Let’s plug his imaginary Komedy Korner. Yeah, that’s proof that Andy
doesn’t say ‘yes’ to every idea on this network. It’s probably because I’m
Italian (or whatever race Andy guesses wrong about me this week) and he’s a
racist jerk face.
Also congrats to Dustin Faber for being the second person to ever win both
belts in the same night! I’ve noticed from your recent emails you are
already on the cocaine, so your Ultimate Warrior gimmick is working just
fine. But let me ask you something Dustin, can you keep up? Will you falter
and crash like Austin Sanders? Will you have a downfall like I did when I
was on the coke? How far will you push the limits of your emails AND your
perceptions of reality? Knowing you have spewed such hatred each week, how
can you live with yourself sir? You know as well as anybody the guilt you
feel when staring into your daughter eyes wondering “Is the best example I
am setting?” The answer is no Dustin. It will come to the point where you
will be making these odd proclamations at work. Because talking about
Snuffiluficus piercing your penis with a Funyun on live radio is clearly
frowned upon in Pennsylvania. They are a Frito state anyway. So just be
careful, love you champ.
I was going to mention Austin Sanders and his band of retarded men, but
mentioning them would require me to give a shit about those birth defected
mutants that work at Denny’s, which clearly I don’t. I already cut a check
to Saint Jude’s hospital, so they can go back to huffing paint in the back
of hardware store and bothering the homeless like poor Adam Dan or Papa
Shango.
Holy shit is this a wrestling show? FUCK NO! But let’s believe it is anyway!
So it looks like you guys are still bummed about the whole team Hell No
fiasco. Christ, if this is how you guys are going to be when your favorite
interest loses remind me to stay the fuck away after the election this
year. Anyway, it’s not all bad because ~YOU SEE CHRIS
We live in a democratic society where the people (I.E. the WWE universe)
have the right and privilege to decide what they want. You may be one vote
but they were many. And even with this name given, that is not going to
stop Daniel Bryan, Kane and Dr. Shelby from making awesome segments and
matches. As a matter of fact, you can see their awesome shirts right here!
Take a look.
shop.wwe.com/Daniel-Bryan-Kane-%22Hugging-Is-All-The-Rage%22-Authentic-T-Shirt/W04599,default,pd.html?dwvar_W04599_color=Light%20Grey&start=13&cgid=New
shop.wwe.com/Daniel-Bryan-Kane-Hell-No-Authentic-T-Shirt/W04597,default,pd.html?dwvar_W04597_color=Red&start=23&cgid=New
So don’t be pissy, soon you will forget about this and just continue to
enjoy the people behind the tag team and not just the name. (The More you
Know NBC Chime)
Onto the questions!
Question One: Was WWE really that ‘respected’ in the Attitude Era? I know
the term overrated, overhyped, or over appreciated it tossed around on the
former generation of wrestling. But WWE back then was pretty low ball and
sleazy. If shows like The Soup were around back then do you think they
would have pushed/lowered the bar the way they did? Val Venis getting his
peepee chopped off. May Young giving birth to Adam Dan. Trish being
belittled by Vince and being forced to bark like a dog. Katie Vick. Just
wanted your thoughts.
Question Two: Heath Slater has a stable? Really? They are a living
breathing bar joke. A ginger, and Scotsmen and a sandnnnn-nevermind walk
into a bar. I guess we need to come up with names for the stable. The
Entourage maybe? The Band? J.O.B. Squad 2012? Team Friendship (no one is
taking that one). Just wanted to know what you’d like to call them before
the WWE Universe gives them the name ‘Slater and the haters’ or some stupid
like that. Also, do you see anything good coming from this stable?
Question Three: Fantasy (League) Booking. I know some of you are in the
midst of either loving or hating your fantasy football league choices right
now. By the way Stu, you might want to just go ahead and play FIFA for
about 10 minutes or so while I ask this. Anyway, the big PPV is coming soon
and would want to know who would you bench and who would you keep in?
Imagine this fantasy league each wrestler is awarded points for victories
as well as putting on a great match with little to no botches as well as an
interesting angle to it. I’m sure Dolph Ziggler would be an interesting
choice, he would earn a lot of points for making a 4-5 star matches but you
have to remember it’s Dolph Ziggler, so he probably won’t win and lose out
on a lot of points. Sheamus, while constantly winning suffers from poor
opponent choices and shitty angles and sub-par matches. So outside of CM
Punk or Cena, who would make an excellent fantasy league wrestler from here
til’ next Wrestlemania and why?
And that does it for this week. And in honor of this week’s new segment, I
learned something today~
(South Park serious piano music)
Originally, when I mocked AJ Lee about her supposed massive bush, I did it
for a cheap laugh. Surely a little girl with shorts like that couldn’t
possibly have gigantic thick bird’s nest covering that slanted vagina.
Alas, I discovered something beautiful about her. Something I can never
look away from. For you see gentlemen, AJ Lee…
i.imgur.com/xzsdf.png
…Has a Massive Dick! Good luck jacking it to that Chris. You’re welcome
Sarah.
Love, peace and penis grease
Johnny
