[Andy]

Check out Monday Night Flaw 41 and Male Bag 24 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw and come back here and vote!


Michael Demko
The 2012 (2013?) Mon​day Night Flaw Royal​ Rumble​

Dear Chris and Andy,

I was listening last week, and I heard the e-mailers crying out for more
tournaments, in possibly different styles, here on on MNF Male Bag. Well,
Michael Demko, the self-proclaimed Platinum Voice of the Flawedcast
Network, is here to save the day!

I suggest Royal Rumble rules: Whenever Chris and Andy are ready to begin -
they can have qualifiers each week to enter participants into the Royal
Rumble. One-on-one matchups, much like the KOTR qualifiers. Once the Rumble
participants are set, ALL of them will compete on a week-to-week basis,
with the person who gets the lowest number of votes getting thrown out of
the ring. If two or more people tie for the lowest number of votes, then
they eliminate each other, much like the real Rumble.

I'm entering my prediction now, though. I believe Zach Gowen wins this
whole thing, because the WWE rules specifically state that both feet have
to touch the floor in order for the superstar to be eliminated.

Good luck in the Rumble, everyone!
Michael Demko
Co-Host of TV for Vendetta
Master of Demko's Dungeon


Spence Hopkins
Wolf shirts and snar​ls​

Ehem...
WARRIORS! MY SENSES ARE BENIGN! I AM CURED FROM THE BALLS OF ENERGY SENT UNTO ME BY PAPA KAMA GODFATHER SHANGO! I HAVE WENT TOE TO TOE AGAINST BRIE BELLA IN HELL IN A CELLULITE AND REMAINED THE ONE THE GODS HAD CHOSEN! I HATH POISONED THE APPLE THAT LIVES IN EVE'S THROAT! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE DESERT ON A HORSE WITH NO NAME, IT FELT GOOD TO GET.... out of the rain. I HAVE WARDED OFF THE POWER OF THE KROGER BOY, AND ALAS, HAVE SHOPPED EXCLUSIVELY AT COSTCO AND CHEVRON FOOD MARTS! I HATH DESTROYED THE HEAVENS AND FROZE THE GATES OF HELL TO CREATE A WORLD THAT EXISTED IN JOHN LENNON'S IMAGINATION! I TRANSFORMED SUNNY FROM A WHORE OF INFERTILE BLASPHEMY TO A WONDER OF GENUINE INSANITY BY SIMPLY STEALING HER MEDICATION! I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED SUPER MARIO 3 AND HAVE PICKED OUT MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME AS TANOOKI! I HAVE SEEN WHAT WAS FORETOLD IN THE RYBACK PROPHECY, AS HE WILL NOT BE IN HELL IN A CELL AGAINST CM PUNK! BUT RATHER FACE ERMAC IN MORTAL KOMBAT UNDER THE ALIAS BARAKA. AFTER WHICH HE MUST PROCEED TO PERFORM HIS FINISHER ON BOTH SCORPION AND KANO SIMULTANEOUSLY BEFORE HE CAN FACE shao kahn. WARRIORS! I LIVE! I HAVE FORESEEN THE LIVES OF THE FLAWEDCAST NETWO........ *proceeds to pass out from the 7 pills of xanax he took just minutes before writing this e-mail*

God dammit warrior! Now Sunny is going to flip her copus mentus vagina and catch another trip to the good old holding cell she has kept warm for the last month and a half. If she is really this crazy, maybe the WWE should hire her and make her GM of Raw so she could play the roll that A.J. was suppose to be playing this entire time. Meh, or she should just go ahead and marry Scott Hall and they could have a bunch of unstable schizophrenic children to share their vodka, pills, and Wendy's Baconators with. Then everyone wins. I guess.
Spence

P.s. I found a picture of the Flawedcast annual wolf shirt party recently. You bunch of goofy fucks.





Jon Drouin and Cam Gullett
I am the Tag Team Champions of the World!



Cam: Hey Jon, what are you watching?



Jon: Oh hey Cam, I'm preparing for the big tournament by watching some classic tag team matches. I'm really studying the high flying top rope moves.



Cam: High flying moves, eh? I have always been a huge fan of mat-based wrestling. You know just two guys getting all oiled up and rolling around on the ground together. You mix in some choking, err, choke-holds and it is a fun time for everybody.




Jon: Oh. I had no idea.



Cam: I have actually put together a disc of classing tagging for you as well. I have Hulk Hogan's latest video, some stuff from Chyna, the Hard-on Boys, The Cockers, and some indy stuff that X-Pac.



Jon: Wow. Great. Hulk hogan is one of my favorites. Oh wait... you misspelled Hardy Boyz.



Cam: I did? Whoopsies. Still though, maybe something for you to check out.



Jon: Listen Cam... there's something I've been wanting to discuss with you, and I just want to clear the air up front. I want to make sure that we don't have any misunderstandings about our partnership.



Cam: Umm...I mean...Okay Jon.



Jon: I'm really concerned about what we call ourselves. I don't want to get in a fight over who gets billed first.



Cam: Well I am nothing if not a gentleman so I implore you to come first. Nothing would satisfy my hunger more.



Jon: Really?



Cam: I'm serious Jon. Nothing would make me happier than being behind you for years to come. I would love for us to be the kind of team that I saw when I walked in the rectory that day and saw you with Father Flannagan. Shame that he was reassigned soon after.



Jon: Wow. This is great! I can't believe how easy you're making everything for me. Look out World! Tag Team Champions Jon Drouin and Cam Gullett are coming soon!



Dustin Hawes
Depressing emails 2 ​weeks in a row​

Hello you well mannered, affectionate group of gentlemanly beings. How is
everyone? Well, I hope everyone is doing just swell. Here i am for another
mailbag, and damn does it feel good. Inhale friends, do you smell that? It
smells like sunshine, flowers, and trust. Open your eyes, do you see that?
It looks like mountains and beaches sprinkled with a little bit of love.
You see, it is a new day. The world is yours, make it what you want it to
be. Drink life in and piss out the bad people in your life. Nobody will
bring us down today, because today belongs to us. Here we are. Born to be
kings. We're the princes of the universe. Here we belong. May you days be
blessed by the heart of Jesus. May you never be forced to watch TNA. May
your wishes be brought true to you by prancing unicorns and the wings of a
periwinkle pegasus. I hope you and your families live forever and never
have to endure even the slightest bit of pain. But most of all, i hope all
of us stay best friends forever.

*Eric Cartman singing voice*
You guys are my best friends
through thick and thin
we always stick together
We're emailers of a kind
having fun all day
Laughing around and piling a way just best friends BEST FRIENDS ARE WE!

i love you guys

Just kidding guys, this email is for you guys to determine if this email
was less depressing than last weeks.
Kroger boy one out

P.s. Austin Sanders, sarcasm aside, i am sorry about what happened to your
friend. Half the people in the world are just plain shitty. Hopefully you
do not let this sour you on life to much to enjoy it.



Michael Hodge
Ryback

Hey, Chrandy.

You guys talked about Ryback/Punk on MNF and the possibility that they might add Cena to the match and have Ryback take the pin. Wouldn't it make more sense to put Cena on the shelf for another month and have Ryback beat Punk via DQ? That way, you protect your investment in Cena by allowing him to get fully healthy and build Ryback by giving him a win over Punk.

Of course, your scenario is far more likely in Vince's world, but I figured I'd throw mine out there too.

Have fun. Play safe.

Your pal,

~Hodgey



Dustin Faber
Salad and Croutons

...Oh, Ana,’ he breathes as he lets go, my name a benediction on his lips
as he finds his release. His head rests on my belly, his arms wrapped
around me … I just want to enjoy the quiet serene afterglow of making love
with..."

Oh, hello, you caught me in the middle of my morning reading sessions!
G'morning both of you. How are you doing? Do you like lava lamps?

I heard a song the other day that made me think of CM Punk's title reign in
the WWE. Actually, it wasn't CM Punk that I thought of. And actually, I
didn't even hear a song. But the point stands. Or sits, I don't really care
about it's physical fitness.

Oh wow. Where was I? Oh yeah, the WWE. This is a wrestling show, isn't it?
I have a point of contention with the fans of the WWE. There's one thing
that they are too stupid to realize, and that's that you should stick with
a guy no matter what he does, within reason. Why are these fans cheering
against CM Punk? Where is their loyalty? Where is their support? They were
cheering for Vince McMahon? Really? How completely stupid of them, those
fruit fly ass bandits. I hope they stub their toes, play the lottery, win
one of those free lotto tickets from the scratch off ticket stubs, then buy
another lottery ticket that gets them $20, which they spend on something
sensible like the electric bill or bisexual pornography, all the while
unaware that the scratch off stuff underneath their fingernails is a TOXIC
CHEMICAL THAT DESTROYS THEIR WILL TO DIE!

FLAWEDCAST! THE GREATEST PODCAST IN THE HISTORY OF PODCASTING!

I wish James Ryan and Cam Gullett were my two gay dads. Those guys are
awesome. Hey CAndy, if you had to choose two emailers to be your gay dads,
who would you pick? Cam has the uncle experience and would be a good
disciplinarian, and James could read me bedtime stories with funny voices.
GOODNIGHT COW JUMPING OVER THE MOON!

RECENTLY the flawedcast community has stepped up their game. I'm so proud
of everyone who emails this great show. Recently everyone has been forming
tag teams. I was approached to form a tag team, but I declined. I walk
alone.

Alone? That's right Dustin, you are alone.

WHAT YOU SAY?

Yesssssss, you are alone. And frail. In fact, you might be the saddest,
most pathetic man I've ever met. You haven't accomplished anything
worthwhile in your life. In fact, all of your greatest accomplishments? It
was me, Dustin Faber, who did those. You didn't graduate college, I did.
You didn't marry your wife and become a father, I am the one Lucy will call
Daddy. You didn't beat the Legend of Zelda without a sword, that was me.
You've never accomplished anything, because you've never been worth
anything. Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you. Your father? He saw the man
you'd become, and decided to make it a one-night stand. Anything to keep
you out of his life.

I can echo the Flawedcast community when I say that they don't want you
either. You're nothing more than a side show: "Oh golly gee look at this
good Catholic boy used double-entendres and say semi-swear words!" Just
leave. Nobody will miss you because nobody ever liked you to begin with.

YOU SIR! No, I will not let you continue to torment me any more. I am
loved! I am beautiful! I am special, and not because I can wipe my own ass.
What you have said, Dustin Faber, is a bowl full of lies! So lets end it.
In style!

Next week on the male bag, it's you verses me! We'll let Chris read both of
our emails, and if you win, then I'll walk away, a beaten dejected man.
Everything you say will be true. But if I win Dustin Faber, then you shut
your ridiculous trap.

If I win, then you can burn in Hell.

Dick joke.

Love,
Dustin Faber



Stu Little
Mr. Cellophane


Hey guys.
Well, another week, another resignation to the garbage heap of this flawedcast, my previous heights of popularity a distant memory. Hodgey even totally skipped over me when talking about his KOTR opponents. I might as well find the podcast equivalent of TNA, and become a main eventer there.

No. NO. Fuck that. I can still contribute. I still have worth, even if my status doesn't reflect that. I have to be an example for the young guys coming up. I can be the elder statesman of this show! Maybe even form my own stable, the Flawed Horsemen, eventually. Something to consider. So in the meantime, I'll carry on as usual:

First off, to Austin. That whole situation you told us about last week truly sucks ass. Fuck the ignorant jackasses who can't just live and let live, and kudos on you for being better than them. You're e-mails have quickly allowed you to rise to the main event here, eclipsing so many of the rest of us. It happened, and there's nothing we can do about.

Jonathan Huggins- Welcome aboard! And congratulations on your opening e-mail. I am curious however as to where you from in the UK exactly? Are you english? Because if you just let me get this out of the way:



We good? Okay. At the very least, I'll hopefully have someone else I can pander to with Doctor Who references and topical events. Goodby Jerry Sandusky, hello Jimmy Saville!



One last thing before moving onto the usual. Thank you Chris. Thank you SO, SO much for reading out that recap of the Hulk Hogan sex tape aka "Suburban Cumando". It's not like that's made it difficult for me to even look at oranges this past week. And now you tell us there's going to be a sequel. What's that gonna be called, "Mr. Fanny"?

We didn't get Main Event over here as far as I know, so onto Smackdwon

-So Sheamus came out to try to show some sportsmanship by offering to shake Big Show's hand, but when Big Show refused for various good reasons, Sheamus just went back to poor sportsmanship by playing a video about Show's embarassing title loss. Sportsmanship- it's totally selective

-I wasn't at all surprised by ADR copying Randy Orton's entrance. I mean, he already stole his old "DESTINY~!" catchphrase. Or for Raw Satire fans, "DENSITY~!"

On Raw-

-Vince returned to talk in the ring about various things. But before he could get to saying "Breast Cancer.....YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU'RRRRE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEED!!", he was interrupted by CM Punk, who was dressed like The Reverse Flash for some reason. Words were exchanged and a one on one match was made. It's just a pity that they didn't put the WWE Ice Cream Bar Revival on the line...

-Sheamus and Barrett took each other on in a match that was billed as "England vs. Ireland". Goddammit WWE! We've only just started to get past all the old "Troubles", stop stirring things up! Did "Sunday Bloody Sunday" not teach you anything?

-Antonio Cesaro beat Tyson Kidd, and also called a food vendor a "Schwein". I thought he was a Swiss ex-rugby player, not some stereotypical German supervillain? Wait, hang on a minute...



Oh no! Where's the USA Guy when you need him?

-Paul Heyman's known Vince since he was 14 years old? How? Did he used to do shoeshines outside Titan Towers?

-Caitlyn took on Eve, and took the opportunity to display what she could do with her strength. Torture Rack? More like Torture RACK, amirite?

-BOOBIIEEEES! in case you didn't get that.

-ADR shit his pants at Randy Orton's tweet of immense foreboding. I guess next year during the buildup to 'Mania, Undertaker's opponent will be cutting a promo, before becoming terrified as the Titantron show's Taker's latest Tweet:

@theundertakerwwe: U Will RIP. LOL.
#BONG #IWantToRetireAlready #ChucksAlimonyPayment

-Vince and Punk took each other on in a NO DQ Match, I guess, and it came down to Kendo Sticks. Those things are technically wooden swords, right? So how come no one ever uses them like that? You can block and deflect guys, you don't have just stand there wailing on each other like they're just switches for whooping. Can we at least have Yoshi Tatsu repackaged as a Kendo Stick Samurai, who charges through groups of opponents, slashing away, but they only fall over once he pauses dramatically and resheathes the stick?

What I Learned: Ryback loves old men, but hates Puerto Ricans.

Take care guys,

Stu



Cliff Snotes
Haiku



You See Chris, Haiku
Five, Seven, Five Sylabbles
Let's Try This Again


WELCOME TO FLAW IS....
Three. Yes. I will count to three.
This is a Haiku.




Hey Chris,



So... a tag team tournament on this show? Do people really want to hear another JB King-James Ryan effort? Are people really lining up to hear more from Jon Drouin and Cam Gullett? I say you put this to a vote at punshouse.com. Let them choose between a tag team tournament or five minutes of listening to the moans of a dying cow.



Speaking of James Enright, Andy - why did you appear on Wait Til Next Year? And Haters too? And you also released a couple of new flawmentarys in the last week? Do you have a life? The only thing more pathetic than actually appearing on eight different podcasts in a week, is emailing six different podcasts on your network in the same week, or even worse, sending multiple emails to the s ame show.



Which leads me to a confession. I need to share a secret with you. I haven't been fully honest with you about my identity. You're all going to be shocked, so I'll advise our listeners to either sit down, or if you're driving, maybe pull over the car before we proceed. I don't know how to say this, but the truth... the truth is...


I actually work for the WWE, and I'm the man behind GTV.


I've set up hidden spy cameras for years, and I've picked up some interesting footage. Specifically, I've got a bunch of sex tapes with WWE Superstars. And after hearing the recaps of Honey Boo Boo and the Hulk Hogan sex tape, I spoke to Chris earlier this week. And I sent these tapes to Chris and he agreed to give a brief recap or point out some highlights for us. Thanks Chris! Without further ado.... Here's the list:


1. Dolph Ziggler and Amy Schumer
2. Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrerro
3. Mark Henry and Mae Young
4. Billy and Chuck
5. Kane and Lita
6. Randy Orton and Stacy Kiebler's Gym Bag
7. Vince McMahon and Stephanie McMahon
8. Daniel Bryan and Nikki Bella and Brie Bella

Chris, thanks again for the excellent recaps!


Andy, if there's one thing I've tried to do with my emails to you and your show, it's improve your network. Nevermind that my ideas usually fail or are ignored or don't quite work out the way I intended. There's no need to rehash the past right now.


But this time, it's different! Your Global Empire of podcasting has expanded to the point of saturation. You've got podcasts that overlap on topics and cover the same ground, so it's time to expand your reach. Follow the lead of the WWE, and get involved in other ventures, and specifically, insist that your talent bring their "outside interests" under the Flawedcast umbrella.


Think about what you could quickly add to your empire: a male escort service, an out of work actor, a security staff of ex-military rejects, a professional gambler, a Jewish money managing service, and a couple of random guys in Canada and Scotland that i'm sure could be useful for something. You can even insist that Chris needs to get a higher allowance from his wife when he babysits the kids. Just make it clear to these guys that this is a requirement that their bookings need to go through the Flawedcast network if they want to continue to work here. Although, to protect you from future lawsuits, you may wish to demand that Brian Van Alstyne move to Thailand.


I'm sure I missed someone? Any thoughts?


Well, before I sneak out of here through the crowd and go all CM Artest on an innocent bystander, I just wanted to discuss a rumor that Sheamus vs Brock Lesnar is being considered for Wrestlemania. A few thoughts:


First, I think Paul Heyman could raise Sheamus to a higher level in the promos. Also, a win over Brock would certainly legitimize Sheamus more than anyone else on the roster, short of Cena or Punk.


Second, it sets up one or two other intriguing matches. We know Rock will face either Cena or Punk, but what if it's a three way dance between Rock, Cena, and Punk? They certainly could get interest in this match, and each star would have a pretty big following. The crowd in that match would be interesting.


Another possibility is Rock vs Punk, which might leave Cena-Undertaker. While I'm not particularly interested in a Cena-Undertaker match, the intrigue would certainly be there, as Cena would be the first opponent for Undertaker in years that actually has a believable chance of ending the Streak.


And while we're here... how about Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler as the "show stealing" match of the night.


Just wanted to get your thoughts on the headliner possibilities.


Thanks Andy.


I am a poet.


I am GTV.


I am Cliff Snotes.



JB King
*Dolph Zigger Burrrr​rrrrah*​

نأمل يا رفاق كان أسبوع عظيم. وأنا أعلم أنني فعلت. حصلت لرؤية باتيستا المعركة
ايفانز 'المتخلفين الأخ الأصغر. وقد تمتعت أيضا أسماء القليلة الماضية ما
قدمتموه لمعارضيه. ولكن ليس محاولة لإعطاء الكثير من المفسدين بعيدا، لأنني
خططت له على القتال في وقت قريب. بالطبع، وانا ذاهب لمحاربة باتيستا في مباراته
القادمة تحت اسم القتال. في الواقع انا ذاهب بعد إنرايت جيمس عندما تحارب له
تحت اسم شريحة جيمبو. في حال كنت أتساءل، نعم، وهذا هو الشيء الحقيقي. هنا صورة
لباتيستا وإنرايت جيمس مع "التدريب" لأصدقائه مباراتهما المقبلة.



….



… oh sorry I thought I would just play along with the whole JB Mihal thing.
Let me clean this up.

Hello again to Andy and Chris,

Hope you guys had a great week. I know I did. Praise Allah. I got to see
Batista fight Evans’ retarded younger brother. I also enjoyed the last few
names you gave for his opponents. But try not to give too many spoilers
away, because I planned on fighting him soon. Of course, I am going to
fight Batista in his next match under the fighting name JB PENN. Actually
I’m going after James Enright when he fights him under the name Jimbo
Slice. In case you were wondering, yes, this is a real thing. Here is a
picture of Batista and James Enright with his friends “training” for their
next bout.

i.imgur.com/4V6Up.jpg
[/img]
Most awkward porno ever? And what’s Cam doing on the right?

This is pretty low as far as my standards go. Speaking of lowering the bar,
we really have sunk a new low. I saw that episode of South Park on how
Honey Boo Boo ruins the standards of anything it goes near. I didn’t want
to believe it at first but then I realized our top 2 emailers last week
(voted on by our mouth breathing, paint sniffers of an audience) was Adam
Dan and “Angel” Dust-in Faber. Oh my god it’s actually happening. What’s
next, are we going to see two fat idiots fight now in sketti? (witnesses
Andy and James hugging it out) Holy Shit! Nuke us now China!

I blame Dustin. Because YOU SEE CHRIS~ His incoherent, coke induced
ramblings confuse the fuck out of me. How confusing? Let me explain. What
is the most confusing holiday for black people? Father's Day. What’s more
confusing than that? Dustin’s emails. Hope that helps.

(NBC The More you Know Chime)

I think the Catholic crazy gene in him is finally kicking in. What’s the
difference between Dustin and acne? Acne usually comes on a boy’s face
AFTER he turns 12. Calm down Brian. Double Whammy! Calm Down Cam. I hope
you slip on invisible Jimmy semen and land head first on nail. Go fuck
yourself. God Bless.

And now onto to our blossoming tag division. So Jon decided to align
himself with everyone’s favorite sexually questionable country bumpkin? So
not only does he think aligning himself with Detroit sports teams is a good
idea but now he is under the impression that Cam Gullet will actually
improve his image. Lions and Tigers and AIDS oh my! Jon, this isn’t one of
those situations where you hang out with an ugly friend to look pretty is
it? I suppose it’s better than joining James Enright and calling yourselves
the Canadian Bacon Destroyers. Are we going to get a tag team of Adam Dan
and Nate Corbitt and call them a Natural Disasters spinoff? Earthquake and
Typhoon? More like Heartache and Dying soon AMIRTE?

Speaking of ARDERM DERN. HERPY BERFDEY ARDERM! AND HERPY BERFDEY TO ERDDY
GUEREERRERO (that last word wasn’t in derp, that’s just how Scott Taylor
thinks it spelled) I HERP ARDERM DERN GERTS FERKED IN DER ARSE BY PERPER
SHERNGO. ERMERGERD BERF DEFERCTS…and now we see a picture of birth defects.
No, were just kidding. It’s just a picture of Nate Corbitt on a slip in
slide. Anyway moving on JB KING writes, By the way in honor of Adam Dan
being the perennial last place contender can we give the ominous 30 second
bag pipe opening for him like Stu gets except replace the bagpipes with
farts? At least that way I know ahead of time when to skip over this
retards email in advance.

And before we get to the questions, Austin I found some old gifs of Nate
Corbitt to help cheer you up. Hope to hear from you soon.











Onto the questions!

Question One: Why is almost no city in California mentioned as far as great
hot crowds go? It’s always the same cities like New York, Chicago,
Philadelphia and Toronto. Shouldn’t Sacramento or Los Angeles have a say in
awesome places to hold a wrestling event? The Tri-State Area always get the
hot smart crowd label while the south and Midwest get the mark crowd
treatment, leaving a lot of the west coast with little to no love. Just
wanted your thoughts on what you think of west coast crowds and if some
other places are considered overrated.

Question Two: It seems that Vince is fixated on trying to boost the
ratings. So much that he fired head writer Gershwitz. Vince demands results
or resignations. Which brings me to the question of who do you think Vince
will bring in? Put your mark boners aside and think of someone else besides
Paul Heyman. As a matter of fact, Russo needs some work. Or how about Jim
Cornette? Personally, with as many bridges Jimmy has burned down, Russo has
a much better chance at getting his job back then Cornette. So what do you
think? Is Cornette a nice find or do you find him as a bitter old cunt that
just buries everything now? Also, who would you initially bring in if
anyone?

That’s all for now. I’m off to grow an epic hipster beard like Daniel Bryan
to make James Ryan jealous. By the way, Daniel Bryan learned the twirl his
mustache like that from his ex-girlfriend AJ Lee when she twirled her
snatchstache.

…

Yup…

Snatchstache…

…

…

Because that’s a real thing.

(NBC The more you know Chime)

Good night everybody.

Love peace and penis grease,

Johnny.