MNF 42/Male Bag 25
Oct 20, 2012 23:27:05 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Oct 20, 2012 23:27:05 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 42 and Male Bag 25 on iTunes, stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then come back here and Smack Down Your Vote!
Jon Drouin
FOR ANDY'S EYES ONLY
Andy,
I am writing to you about, shall we say, a touchy situation. Please don't share this with Chris.
I know you don't like getting a lot of questions... but I need your advice. I found something out... and you're not going to believe this, but Cam is...
Well, let me start at the beginning.
Cam and I were training for our tag team tournament. It was a normal training session; we spent about half the time with me choking Cam, and about half the time rehearsing our celebration routine. It's pretty cool - it's a lot like a chest bump, but we call it a "belt bump". Cam thought of that one.
The only problem was that Cam kept getting phone calls. He would excuse himself, and quietly step away from the ring. Cam kept talking about a secret meeting, and making sure that there were no police around, and he wanted to know if the caller would be entering through the front or the back door, and he was very picky about if the caller would be coming alone, or bringing a friend. I could tell that the caller was always a dude, and Cam always ended the conversation by saying, "It will be a pleasure doing business with you. I look forward to the "exchange". Ha ha haaaa!"
We went to the locker room, and like usual, Cam quickly got undressed and headed for the shower. He was being his normal silly self. While naked, he was walking around like a gorilla, breathing heavy, popping his eyeballs out, and chanting "FEED. ME. SPUNK!"
While he was in the shower, I went through his things. I know I shouldn't have, but my fears were confirmed. He had this black book, with all kinds of guys and phone numbers and prices and dates.
Andy, there can only be one explanation. I'm not comfortable saying this, but we need to confront the truth, and this secret needs to come out.
Cam Gullett is a drug dealer.
This can be the only explanation, right? Being secretive, exchanging money... it has to be drug deals.
But there's more. You know that Cam is always hanging out at the Alt's right? And always using their computer? Well, at first, I was worried, because I thought maybe Chris doesn't know what's going on, and Cam is making all these arrangements on Chris's computer, so if Cam ever got caught, he's got Chris set up as the patsy.
But then I thought, no, that's not possible, Chris is too smart to let Cam outsmart him. So then I thought that maybe Chris is the drug kingpin, and Cam is his runner. Chris comes in contact with a lot of shady people at his "day job", so maybe he's "hiding out in the open". But that wouldn't make sense either... as a kingpin needs to be dealing with people higher on the food chain. And then it hit me.
Yes, Cam is the drug runner, but the kingpin needs to be someone with a brilliant mind, someone who is smarter than Chris Alt, someone who can contact Cam through the Alt home computer, someone who comes into contact with wealthy and connected people, someone who understands the boundaries of the law, and someone who could have the perfect cover of working in a law firm. It's so obvious now.
SARAH ALT IS A DRUG KINGPIN!
CAM GULLETT IS HER DRUG RUNNER!
AND THEY ARE SETTING UP CHRIS ALT AS THEIR PATSY!
Andy - What should we do? Should we tell Chris? Should we confront Cam? Or Sarah? Should we call the police? I'm heart broken about the whole situation.
I look forward to your analysis and response. And remember, please don't tell Chris about this until we've had a chance to discuss Cam's secret life.
Jon Drouin
Cam Gullett
Cam Gullett is dead...
Cam Gullett
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you all go out and have sex with a diseased prostitute this weekend because it is what Cam would have wanted. Thank you.
Cam Gullett
Oh wait, Cam Gullett doesn't have any family because they are all dead or senile. Do whatever you want then.
Dustin Hawes
whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
What's going on my favorite joke about wraslin' podcast?
Look, things are kind of weird to me in the WWE right now. So, in the spirit of not asking questions and making the Altar Boy use his brain, I will ask a couple of questions to make Altar Boy use his brain. This Punk/ Ryback thing makes no sense. With the momentum of Ryback and his streak, do you really think they want to jeapordize that just to have him fill in for Cena? Also, they can't honestly be thinking about taking the belt off Punk right? To me, neither of these scenarios get you anywhere. This will lose all of Ryback's momentum they have been painstakingly building for so long. If they take the belt off Punk though, then why in the shit do they keep mentioning how long he has held the title? Why would they do this a couple months before the Rumble when they obviously want it to be Rock vs Punk? Fuck you WWE. Fuck you in your peacock bitch ass. Anyways, how is everyone? Don't you enjoy questions Chris? Aren't they you favorite? Are Cowboys/Lakers/Yankees fans real? Where do babies come from? What happened to the dodo bird? Is GTV on syndication? When do we find out if Austin Sanders is still a thing? Is Mae Young single? Can't we all just get along? Does Cam's bathroom feature a gloryhole? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Do people really like TNA? Why are there dirty, gross trains in WinneLittle Rock, Nevankansas? Well, Maybe these are questions we will never get answers to.
Whatevs,
Kroger 1
P.S. Did you guys see the county fair Honey Boo Boo sketch artists latest?
P.P.S. BVA has been found.
P.P.P.S. Just because some people on this network seem racist......
Andy Gaston
Hello from the future!
Hello Andy and Chris,
This is Andy, from 5 years into the future. Things are great here in the future! We've got hover boards, electric cars, and Arnold Schwarzenegger got elected President in 2016, due to a mix up with his birth certificate. How about that? Settle in, guys - I'm about to spoil the fuck out of the next 5 years of your life for you.
First of all, congrats, Andy - Nicole and I got married in a nice quiet ceremony, with many of our friends and family around, and we even flew in Dustin Faber, all the way from Pennsylvania for the ceremony. Nicole thought it was a bit weird, but she didn't really object. She knew how much the Flawedcast Network meant to me, and how far I was willing to go to make my listeners happy, and she warmly greeted Dustin when he arrived.
But then the strangeness started. Dustin stuck around after the wedding. He claimed something about his wife making him clean the damn refrigerator out all the time, and refused to fly back home. Again, Nicole thought it strange, but since we had the extra room on the couch, and since Nicole is such a sweet girl, she just sort of let things happen.
Skip forward about 2 years. Dustin was still living with us, and he and I had become closer than any two men really should become, especially when one of those men is a devout Catholic. Dustin and I would go down to a bar called the Blue Oyster, and just spend most of our evenings there, away from the house. Nicole and I became more and more distant. It seemed like our relationship was in some serious trouble.
Another year later, and I finally realized I was going to have to come clean to Nicole. It was November 16th, 2015, when I finally came out of the closet. I told Nicole everything. I confessed to her my love for Dustin Faber, and I told her that we wanted to go away together. I left her standing there, and realized then and there how much damage I'd done.
I'm telling you this now, in order for you to hopefully avoid this future, Andy. I understand just how incredibly attracted you are to Dustin Faber right now, but those feelings must NEVER be acted upon. I'm Andy Gaston, and I am gay, but that doesn't mean that you have to be. You can live a life that's pure. You can make your fiancee a very happy woman. You don't have to go down the same back roads that I went down.
Do yourself a favor, Andy. Bar all contact with Dustin Faber from here on in. He's nothing but trouble. I now wish I had the opportunity to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Stay away from Dustin - he's not the man you think he is.
This is all for your own good. Steer clear of Faber.
Love,
Andy Gaston
Austin Sanders
brb
This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions
twists all our arms collectively, but if sweetness can win, and it
can, then I'll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my
friend. Peace.
See you next yesterday.
XOXOXOXO
Austin
Cliff Snotes
Stay Hard
WELCOME!
TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF SNOTES!
Alright Andy. I heard you loud and clear last week. No long expositional questions from me. I won't ask your opinion, or try to make you think. And no more improv set ups for Chris. Hopefully this will be enough to keep you hard.
TV for Vendetta on MNF? Get well soon Chris. And why is BVA so interested in what year it is? He's talking about 2002 and chanting about 2012... is this some wish of his to also be a time traveler? Rename his show to Quantum Creep. Maybe he could travel 15 years into the past, and show Hansen's the publicity that an Energy Drink company can get from sponsoring a Space Jump. Wouldn't our lives be so much better if X-Pac was sent into space and hooked up into his gear by the rigging guy from Kansas City?
Speaking of Back To The Future, I'm looking forward to another three straight months of Kofi Kingston in the opening match at Raw.
And the WWE is proudly presenting The Rolling Stones in Concert! Old Guys who began declining in the 80's? I don't even have the heart to make a TNA joke here.
Moving on to happier subjects, did you know that Wednesday was National Ass Day?
It Was Ass Day!
Yeah!
So apparently Triple H has influenced the WWE to keep the belts on the champs for longer title runs, to make each title run and each title exchange be more valuable. Also, probably to protect his record number of title wins. I like it. I can see how nobody would care and it would get boring if a World Tite Belt seemingly changed hands every single week. That's just silly, and the show would probably start to get stale.
So here's a thought to change things up on your show. The Male Bag Champ should only defend his title the week of a WWE PPV. (Andy, don't comment on this right now. I don't want you to have to work. Focus on staying hard. Think about Trish Stratus and her ass.) The intervening weeks can be used to determine a worthy challenger or challengers, and the hosts can make things rules for each different PPV, so each Title defense is different. Sometimes there are preliminary battles, sometimes they just use their power to award a title shot to one person, sometimes it just needs to be a rematch, and sometimes it's a Battle Royal or an Elimination Chamber and everyone's invited. Also, the Intercontinental Title would be elevated in importance, as it is now the only weekly title to fight for.
That's all I've got for now. Good luck to Dustin Faber in dealing with that Bastard that's been harrassing him. Congrats to Spence Hopkins. And looking forward to more from the Kroger Boys.
I'm an Ass Man.
Yeah I'm an Ass Man.
I'm Cliff Snotes.
Stu Little
MNF-The New Generation
Hey guys!
So...Spence Hopkins huh? Congratulations I guess. Though I really think he needs to be tested for performance enhancing Destrucity.
So wait, all these newer guys are winning titles, Papa Shango has been referenced liberally, people are pulling out increasingly ridiculous gimmicks and now we've got an Ultimate Warrior impersonator on top. Has MNF gone from it's "Rock 'n' Wrestlin'" era to it's "New Generation" era? Who's our equivalent of Doink?
Another round of congratulations to Tom Roper on his recent 7th place ranking in a Poker tournament, which netted him over 11,000 dollars. And that's AUSTRALIAN Dollars, too! That must have been a really tough game of Double Blind Canbera hold 'em, but I'm sure when the flop pot was loaded, you tilt angled the push to secure a reverse straight high ace play. Too bad that other guy was holding 8 cards of the same colour in his LEFT hand, and was able to call a Sydney Snap do-over on your inverted one-eyed cucumber flush. Which, I'm sure everyone listening will agree, you should have seem coming. Well, better luck next time.
Onto the wrasslin!
Smackdown opened with Big Show and Sheamus conducting an experiment to find out whose strike finisher was more powerfull. And for this, they appeared to use some of Ivan Drago's leftover gym equipment from Rocky IV. It's still unconfirmed if Sheamus later ran up a mountain to yell Big Show's name after the show.
Randy Orton's Battle Buddy has a voice mode, which says "I'm coiled and ready to strike". Randy Orton- The Human Slinky? Any excuse to see Wade Barrett throw him down a flight of stairs again...
Also on the show, Eve insinuated Teddy Long was the mystery blonde attacker of Caitlyn, despite the fact that I think if the attacker was black,it would have been mentioned at the time and it would have made Alicia Fox the prime suspect, even though if she DID attack someone backstage, the chances of a lethal outcome would have risen considerably to 85% instead of the usual 45%.
On Raw, Big Show came out to complain about his recent treatment, saying the debate he was forced to be part of was "A clever joke designed to make me look bad". Now, Big Show, don't be ridiculous. That was NEVER a clever joke. He then scolded the people on twitter who called him Fella, saying "NONE OF YOU ARE IRISH!!". Wow, that hurts Big Show. That hurts.
The Ayr Sitar Heroes later showed up on the show, wearing new duds, that I would best describe as "A Tribute to X-Pac", and let's face it, you wouldn't be all that surprised if 5 years from now Slater was gone from WWE and releasing a sex tape with Chyna. Well, actually, you would at least be surprised that Chyna was still alive...
The team also revealed their supposed real name of the "Three Man Band", which you pointed out conflicted with the "One Man Band" song. Andy, this is nothing new for Slater. Remember, he was in Nexus, the 8 man team who's theme song was titled "We Are One" and began with the words "We Walk Alone, In The Unknown".
But seriously, I love the Three Man Band(The Three Man Band are my Uncles)! I love the What The Fuckery of the membership, I love Jinder Mahal saying "Let's Celebrate!" in a totally uncelebratory tone of voice. I love the air guitar/sitar/bass. I do think you were incorrect about the move Slater used though. That wasn't a finisher. That was just a botched attempt at a snapmare. Makes you wonder what other signature moves might have been invented by accident. Was the Tombstone created when someone messed up a shoulderbreaker? Was The DDT actually Jake Roberts going for a vertical suplex, but blacking out for a second? Was the Mandible Claw just some Diva trying to lose weight? Who knows?
Did you guys hear the gem of an opinion JR stated about Punk on commentary? He said he thinks Punk is an impressive champion, but if he wants to be placed alongside the true GREATS to have held the title, he has to go through Hell In A Cell at some point in his career. Two things about that.
1. Wasn't he in the main event of Hell In A Cell LAST YEAR, with ADR and Cena? Sure, he didn't win, but JR never specified that he had to.
and 2. Sorry Andre, Randy Savage, Bret Hart, Ric Flair and every other world champion who never stepped inside that Cell. You're a fucking loser! If Ryback wins the title, he's a better champion than you'll ever be.
On that note, I'll bid you both good night.
Stu
Spence Hopkins
belt champion *snarl* belt
WARRIORS! I AM HERE! I EXIST! I CAN DO THINGS! I AMMMMMM YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAAAAAAMPIOOOOOON! LOOK INTO MY SOUL WARRIORS! LOOK INTO MY EYES AND SEE THE SOIL OF THE EVANGELIST! THE CHURCH OF THE WARRIOR IS HERE, LET THE CEREMONIES COMMENCE IN THE HALL OF THE ALBATROSS! THERE WILL BE REFRESHMENTS!!!!!!!!!! BRING YOUR OWN UPPPERS!!!!!! NOBODY LAY A FINGER ON MY BUTTERFINGER! LICK MY CHOAD DUSTIN HAWES! BOW TO ME AS I GRAB THESE ROPES AND FLAIL THEM UP AND DOWN LIKE THE TEETER TOTTER OF YOUTH! PRAY TO ME AS THE HEAVENS I HAVE DESCENDED FROM COMMAND THE LEGIONS AND SWARMS OF ROMAN CATHOLICS TO SO LOVINGLY PRAY IN THE NAME OF THE ZOMBIE JEW WHO HATH BEEN SLAIN BY OTHER JEWS DO WITH THEIR LOINS UNFURLED! I HAVE CONQUERED THE VOICES IN RANDY ORTON'S HEAD! I HAVE REVERSED MICKIE JAMES'S CAMEL TOE CLUTCH AND MADE HER TAP AFTER A CONTINUOUS WARRIOR SLAM! I HAVE GOTTEN A NEW BEST FRIEND ONCE SHANGO THROUGH AWAY MY OLD BEST FRIEND'S PHONE NUMBER! AND HIS PRICES are cheaper! AGGGGHAHAHGGHAG! WARRIORS! WILL YOU WASH YOUR CLOTHES IN THE SAME WASHING MACHINE AS THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER? WILL YOU EAT YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE LIKE MATT HARDY? WILL YOU ADMIT THAT KAITLYN WAS ATTACKED BY GOLD DUST IN A BLONDE WIG? WILL YOU SIT THROUGH AN ENTIRE DIVAS MATCH? CAN YOU TWIRL YOUR MUSTACHE AS DANIEL BRYAN DOES BEFORE TYING NANCY GRACE TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS? WARRRIOOOOOO WA WARRRRRIOOOORRRRSSS! WAAAAARRRR! *heart explodes from the 17 pills of speed he took just minutes ago in DMX's hotel room*
What the fuck? Don't worry about the warrior fellas, the doctor at the hospital said he should recover just fine. When he arrived, John Cena sprinkled some magic pixie dust all over him and they say it did wonders. I'm champ dickholes.
.......Things changed, things changed and there's no changing of things to change them back to the way they were prior to them changing. *trademark*
Oh ya, before I forget. Dear Chris,
Also, Obama in a WOLF SHIRT!
Bamm. Spence out.
Dustin Faber
The Power and Glory of us all
Greetings MNF, or as the Warrior would put it, "SALUTATIONS AND ALTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I KNOW Andy hates wrestling questions, so in his honor, I will ask a wrestling question: Are moves like the sleeper hold, half-crab and scoop slam even viable moves anymore? Nobody ever wins with them, so their use seems stupid. LIKE MAH FACE, YOU IGNORANT SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
Oh, we'll get to Dustin Faber in a minute. But first, FIRST! HAS EVERYONE gone tourney mad? We had a King of the Ring, now people want to do a tag team tournament? I say we scrap all of that and have the first ever MONDAY NIGHT FLAW TOURNAMENT OF RANDOM STUFF DUSTIN THOUGHT UP DURING HIS EMAIL! 16 random items, and CAndy gets to decide which is better, eventually leading to the championship match at NIGHT OF THE FLAWEDCAST RANDOM STUFF PPV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are your first-round matchups, seeded like the ass of Cam Gullett!
1. Scrubbing Bubbles
8. Rod Roddy
4. Baseball
5. Burlington Coat Factory
2. Chocolate Milk
7. Gene Okerlund
3. Boise, Idaho
6. Guacamole
1. Beverly Cleary books
8. James Ryan
4. Community (television series)
5. Wings (the food not the television series)
2. Dr. Pepper
7. Sam Rockwell
3. New socks
6. Corn Dogs.
I look forward to this tournament that makes absolutely no sense.
OMG SANDWICH ACTION!!!!
Before I address myself, there is another that needs addressing. J.B. King. To insinuate that I have a drug problem is about as ridiculous as my mother and father's decision to skip Planned Parenthood 29 years ago. Luckily, I don't have to talk to you, as The Idaho Statesman has already covered the big news. DO IT DO IT NOW!
Now that that is out of the way, I have to face a sober truth: I might not make it out alive. So before I do, I need to say some things to my fellow Flawedcast community.
Nate Corbitt, I miss your emails. I wish you well on your journey North as you search for Margo the Bird.
Chris Alt and JB King: The fact that you are forced to watch Honey Boo Boo almost makes me reexamine my pro-life viewpoints. What horrible things you both have to endure. God bless you and the the job you do.
Andy Gast-OWN: You're the only french guy I know. That makes you special and unique. Props on your mad podcasting skillz.
Druin/Cliffs Notes: A shrine should be dedicated in your honor. ONE OF THE GREATEST COMBOS OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PIZZA PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STU LITTLE! STU LITTLE! STU LITTLE!!! MY FAVORITE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD OMG PLEASE WIN MORE TITLES AND STOP BEING SO DRAB BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO WIN ITS LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT BUT NOT REALLY CAUSE I LIKE WINNING BUT YA KNOW I JUST WANNA BE NICE AND ALL!
All of this has been fun guys. But I need to face myself one more time.
SD: Fun? hahaha
LD: Oh it's you. Shadow Dustin Faber! That dark side of me that threatens my very existence!
SD: Huh?
LD: You heard me. Now lets finish this.
(Light Dustin Faber blocks every punch that Shadow Dustin Faber throws).
SD: The last time we met, you were just a wimpy guy asking wimpy questions. "HEY guys, let's play a game where you form your own federation using 8 to 9 guys." You know why they never answered it? It's because you are stupid!
LD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i am not stupid!
(Light Dustin Faber's intensity picks up as he blocks more punches and kicks from Shadow Dustin Faber)
SD: GIVE IN TO YOUR ANGER YOU SILLY SON OF A BITCH!!!
LD: I WILL NOT FIGHT YOU! I WILL NOT WAGE WAR AGAINST MY OWN SOUL!!!! IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN, I'LL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!
(Shadow Dustin Faber delivers the fatal blow)
Fin'
Jon Drouin
FOR ANDY'S EYES ONLY
Andy,
I am writing to you about, shall we say, a touchy situation. Please don't share this with Chris.
I know you don't like getting a lot of questions... but I need your advice. I found something out... and you're not going to believe this, but Cam is...
Well, let me start at the beginning.
Cam and I were training for our tag team tournament. It was a normal training session; we spent about half the time with me choking Cam, and about half the time rehearsing our celebration routine. It's pretty cool - it's a lot like a chest bump, but we call it a "belt bump". Cam thought of that one.
The only problem was that Cam kept getting phone calls. He would excuse himself, and quietly step away from the ring. Cam kept talking about a secret meeting, and making sure that there were no police around, and he wanted to know if the caller would be entering through the front or the back door, and he was very picky about if the caller would be coming alone, or bringing a friend. I could tell that the caller was always a dude, and Cam always ended the conversation by saying, "It will be a pleasure doing business with you. I look forward to the "exchange". Ha ha haaaa!"
We went to the locker room, and like usual, Cam quickly got undressed and headed for the shower. He was being his normal silly self. While naked, he was walking around like a gorilla, breathing heavy, popping his eyeballs out, and chanting "FEED. ME. SPUNK!"
While he was in the shower, I went through his things. I know I shouldn't have, but my fears were confirmed. He had this black book, with all kinds of guys and phone numbers and prices and dates.
Andy, there can only be one explanation. I'm not comfortable saying this, but we need to confront the truth, and this secret needs to come out.
Cam Gullett is a drug dealer.
This can be the only explanation, right? Being secretive, exchanging money... it has to be drug deals.
But there's more. You know that Cam is always hanging out at the Alt's right? And always using their computer? Well, at first, I was worried, because I thought maybe Chris doesn't know what's going on, and Cam is making all these arrangements on Chris's computer, so if Cam ever got caught, he's got Chris set up as the patsy.
But then I thought, no, that's not possible, Chris is too smart to let Cam outsmart him. So then I thought that maybe Chris is the drug kingpin, and Cam is his runner. Chris comes in contact with a lot of shady people at his "day job", so maybe he's "hiding out in the open". But that wouldn't make sense either... as a kingpin needs to be dealing with people higher on the food chain. And then it hit me.
Yes, Cam is the drug runner, but the kingpin needs to be someone with a brilliant mind, someone who is smarter than Chris Alt, someone who can contact Cam through the Alt home computer, someone who comes into contact with wealthy and connected people, someone who understands the boundaries of the law, and someone who could have the perfect cover of working in a law firm. It's so obvious now.
SARAH ALT IS A DRUG KINGPIN!
CAM GULLETT IS HER DRUG RUNNER!
AND THEY ARE SETTING UP CHRIS ALT AS THEIR PATSY!
Andy - What should we do? Should we tell Chris? Should we confront Cam? Or Sarah? Should we call the police? I'm heart broken about the whole situation.
I look forward to your analysis and response. And remember, please don't tell Chris about this until we've had a chance to discuss Cam's secret life.
Jon Drouin
Cam Gullett
Cam Gullett is dead...
Cam Gullett
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you all go out and have sex with a diseased prostitute this weekend because it is what Cam would have wanted. Thank you.
Cam Gullett
Oh wait, Cam Gullett doesn't have any family because they are all dead or senile. Do whatever you want then.
Dustin Hawes
whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
What's going on my favorite joke about wraslin' podcast?
Look, things are kind of weird to me in the WWE right now. So, in the spirit of not asking questions and making the Altar Boy use his brain, I will ask a couple of questions to make Altar Boy use his brain. This Punk/ Ryback thing makes no sense. With the momentum of Ryback and his streak, do you really think they want to jeapordize that just to have him fill in for Cena? Also, they can't honestly be thinking about taking the belt off Punk right? To me, neither of these scenarios get you anywhere. This will lose all of Ryback's momentum they have been painstakingly building for so long. If they take the belt off Punk though, then why in the shit do they keep mentioning how long he has held the title? Why would they do this a couple months before the Rumble when they obviously want it to be Rock vs Punk? Fuck you WWE. Fuck you in your peacock bitch ass. Anyways, how is everyone? Don't you enjoy questions Chris? Aren't they you favorite? Are Cowboys/Lakers/Yankees fans real? Where do babies come from? What happened to the dodo bird? Is GTV on syndication? When do we find out if Austin Sanders is still a thing? Is Mae Young single? Can't we all just get along? Does Cam's bathroom feature a gloryhole? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Do people really like TNA? Why are there dirty, gross trains in WinneLittle Rock, Nevankansas? Well, Maybe these are questions we will never get answers to.
Whatevs,
Kroger 1
P.S. Did you guys see the county fair Honey Boo Boo sketch artists latest?
P.P.S. BVA has been found.
P.P.P.S. Just because some people on this network seem racist......
Andy Gaston
Hello from the future!
Hello Andy and Chris,
This is Andy, from 5 years into the future. Things are great here in the future! We've got hover boards, electric cars, and Arnold Schwarzenegger got elected President in 2016, due to a mix up with his birth certificate. How about that? Settle in, guys - I'm about to spoil the fuck out of the next 5 years of your life for you.
First of all, congrats, Andy - Nicole and I got married in a nice quiet ceremony, with many of our friends and family around, and we even flew in Dustin Faber, all the way from Pennsylvania for the ceremony. Nicole thought it was a bit weird, but she didn't really object. She knew how much the Flawedcast Network meant to me, and how far I was willing to go to make my listeners happy, and she warmly greeted Dustin when he arrived.
But then the strangeness started. Dustin stuck around after the wedding. He claimed something about his wife making him clean the damn refrigerator out all the time, and refused to fly back home. Again, Nicole thought it strange, but since we had the extra room on the couch, and since Nicole is such a sweet girl, she just sort of let things happen.
Skip forward about 2 years. Dustin was still living with us, and he and I had become closer than any two men really should become, especially when one of those men is a devout Catholic. Dustin and I would go down to a bar called the Blue Oyster, and just spend most of our evenings there, away from the house. Nicole and I became more and more distant. It seemed like our relationship was in some serious trouble.
Another year later, and I finally realized I was going to have to come clean to Nicole. It was November 16th, 2015, when I finally came out of the closet. I told Nicole everything. I confessed to her my love for Dustin Faber, and I told her that we wanted to go away together. I left her standing there, and realized then and there how much damage I'd done.
I'm telling you this now, in order for you to hopefully avoid this future, Andy. I understand just how incredibly attracted you are to Dustin Faber right now, but those feelings must NEVER be acted upon. I'm Andy Gaston, and I am gay, but that doesn't mean that you have to be. You can live a life that's pure. You can make your fiancee a very happy woman. You don't have to go down the same back roads that I went down.
Do yourself a favor, Andy. Bar all contact with Dustin Faber from here on in. He's nothing but trouble. I now wish I had the opportunity to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Stay away from Dustin - he's not the man you think he is.
This is all for your own good. Steer clear of Faber.
Love,
Andy Gaston
Austin Sanders
brb
This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions
twists all our arms collectively, but if sweetness can win, and it
can, then I'll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my
friend. Peace.
See you next yesterday.
XOXOXOXO
Austin
Cliff Snotes
Stay Hard
WELCOME!
TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF SNOTES!
Alright Andy. I heard you loud and clear last week. No long expositional questions from me. I won't ask your opinion, or try to make you think. And no more improv set ups for Chris. Hopefully this will be enough to keep you hard.
TV for Vendetta on MNF? Get well soon Chris. And why is BVA so interested in what year it is? He's talking about 2002 and chanting about 2012... is this some wish of his to also be a time traveler? Rename his show to Quantum Creep. Maybe he could travel 15 years into the past, and show Hansen's the publicity that an Energy Drink company can get from sponsoring a Space Jump. Wouldn't our lives be so much better if X-Pac was sent into space and hooked up into his gear by the rigging guy from Kansas City?
Speaking of Back To The Future, I'm looking forward to another three straight months of Kofi Kingston in the opening match at Raw.
And the WWE is proudly presenting The Rolling Stones in Concert! Old Guys who began declining in the 80's? I don't even have the heart to make a TNA joke here.
Moving on to happier subjects, did you know that Wednesday was National Ass Day?
It Was Ass Day!
Yeah!
So apparently Triple H has influenced the WWE to keep the belts on the champs for longer title runs, to make each title run and each title exchange be more valuable. Also, probably to protect his record number of title wins. I like it. I can see how nobody would care and it would get boring if a World Tite Belt seemingly changed hands every single week. That's just silly, and the show would probably start to get stale.
So here's a thought to change things up on your show. The Male Bag Champ should only defend his title the week of a WWE PPV. (Andy, don't comment on this right now. I don't want you to have to work. Focus on staying hard. Think about Trish Stratus and her ass.) The intervening weeks can be used to determine a worthy challenger or challengers, and the hosts can make things rules for each different PPV, so each Title defense is different. Sometimes there are preliminary battles, sometimes they just use their power to award a title shot to one person, sometimes it just needs to be a rematch, and sometimes it's a Battle Royal or an Elimination Chamber and everyone's invited. Also, the Intercontinental Title would be elevated in importance, as it is now the only weekly title to fight for.
That's all I've got for now. Good luck to Dustin Faber in dealing with that Bastard that's been harrassing him. Congrats to Spence Hopkins. And looking forward to more from the Kroger Boys.
I'm an Ass Man.
Yeah I'm an Ass Man.
I'm Cliff Snotes.
Stu Little
MNF-The New Generation
Hey guys!
So...Spence Hopkins huh? Congratulations I guess. Though I really think he needs to be tested for performance enhancing Destrucity.
So wait, all these newer guys are winning titles, Papa Shango has been referenced liberally, people are pulling out increasingly ridiculous gimmicks and now we've got an Ultimate Warrior impersonator on top. Has MNF gone from it's "Rock 'n' Wrestlin'" era to it's "New Generation" era? Who's our equivalent of Doink?
Another round of congratulations to Tom Roper on his recent 7th place ranking in a Poker tournament, which netted him over 11,000 dollars. And that's AUSTRALIAN Dollars, too! That must have been a really tough game of Double Blind Canbera hold 'em, but I'm sure when the flop pot was loaded, you tilt angled the push to secure a reverse straight high ace play. Too bad that other guy was holding 8 cards of the same colour in his LEFT hand, and was able to call a Sydney Snap do-over on your inverted one-eyed cucumber flush. Which, I'm sure everyone listening will agree, you should have seem coming. Well, better luck next time.
Onto the wrasslin!
Smackdown opened with Big Show and Sheamus conducting an experiment to find out whose strike finisher was more powerfull. And for this, they appeared to use some of Ivan Drago's leftover gym equipment from Rocky IV. It's still unconfirmed if Sheamus later ran up a mountain to yell Big Show's name after the show.
Randy Orton's Battle Buddy has a voice mode, which says "I'm coiled and ready to strike". Randy Orton- The Human Slinky? Any excuse to see Wade Barrett throw him down a flight of stairs again...
Also on the show, Eve insinuated Teddy Long was the mystery blonde attacker of Caitlyn, despite the fact that I think if the attacker was black,it would have been mentioned at the time and it would have made Alicia Fox the prime suspect, even though if she DID attack someone backstage, the chances of a lethal outcome would have risen considerably to 85% instead of the usual 45%.
On Raw, Big Show came out to complain about his recent treatment, saying the debate he was forced to be part of was "A clever joke designed to make me look bad". Now, Big Show, don't be ridiculous. That was NEVER a clever joke. He then scolded the people on twitter who called him Fella, saying "NONE OF YOU ARE IRISH!!". Wow, that hurts Big Show. That hurts.
The Ayr Sitar Heroes later showed up on the show, wearing new duds, that I would best describe as "A Tribute to X-Pac", and let's face it, you wouldn't be all that surprised if 5 years from now Slater was gone from WWE and releasing a sex tape with Chyna. Well, actually, you would at least be surprised that Chyna was still alive...
The team also revealed their supposed real name of the "Three Man Band", which you pointed out conflicted with the "One Man Band" song. Andy, this is nothing new for Slater. Remember, he was in Nexus, the 8 man team who's theme song was titled "We Are One" and began with the words "We Walk Alone, In The Unknown".
But seriously, I love the Three Man Band(The Three Man Band are my Uncles)! I love the What The Fuckery of the membership, I love Jinder Mahal saying "Let's Celebrate!" in a totally uncelebratory tone of voice. I love the air guitar/sitar/bass. I do think you were incorrect about the move Slater used though. That wasn't a finisher. That was just a botched attempt at a snapmare. Makes you wonder what other signature moves might have been invented by accident. Was the Tombstone created when someone messed up a shoulderbreaker? Was The DDT actually Jake Roberts going for a vertical suplex, but blacking out for a second? Was the Mandible Claw just some Diva trying to lose weight? Who knows?
Did you guys hear the gem of an opinion JR stated about Punk on commentary? He said he thinks Punk is an impressive champion, but if he wants to be placed alongside the true GREATS to have held the title, he has to go through Hell In A Cell at some point in his career. Two things about that.
1. Wasn't he in the main event of Hell In A Cell LAST YEAR, with ADR and Cena? Sure, he didn't win, but JR never specified that he had to.
and 2. Sorry Andre, Randy Savage, Bret Hart, Ric Flair and every other world champion who never stepped inside that Cell. You're a fucking loser! If Ryback wins the title, he's a better champion than you'll ever be.
On that note, I'll bid you both good night.
Stu
Spence Hopkins
belt champion *snarl* belt
WARRIORS! I AM HERE! I EXIST! I CAN DO THINGS! I AMMMMMM YOUR WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAAAAAAMPIOOOOOON! LOOK INTO MY SOUL WARRIORS! LOOK INTO MY EYES AND SEE THE SOIL OF THE EVANGELIST! THE CHURCH OF THE WARRIOR IS HERE, LET THE CEREMONIES COMMENCE IN THE HALL OF THE ALBATROSS! THERE WILL BE REFRESHMENTS!!!!!!!!!! BRING YOUR OWN UPPPERS!!!!!! NOBODY LAY A FINGER ON MY BUTTERFINGER! LICK MY CHOAD DUSTIN HAWES! BOW TO ME AS I GRAB THESE ROPES AND FLAIL THEM UP AND DOWN LIKE THE TEETER TOTTER OF YOUTH! PRAY TO ME AS THE HEAVENS I HAVE DESCENDED FROM COMMAND THE LEGIONS AND SWARMS OF ROMAN CATHOLICS TO SO LOVINGLY PRAY IN THE NAME OF THE ZOMBIE JEW WHO HATH BEEN SLAIN BY OTHER JEWS DO WITH THEIR LOINS UNFURLED! I HAVE CONQUERED THE VOICES IN RANDY ORTON'S HEAD! I HAVE REVERSED MICKIE JAMES'S CAMEL TOE CLUTCH AND MADE HER TAP AFTER A CONTINUOUS WARRIOR SLAM! I HAVE GOTTEN A NEW BEST FRIEND ONCE SHANGO THROUGH AWAY MY OLD BEST FRIEND'S PHONE NUMBER! AND HIS PRICES are cheaper! AGGGGHAHAHGGHAG! WARRIORS! WILL YOU WASH YOUR CLOTHES IN THE SAME WASHING MACHINE AS THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER? WILL YOU EAT YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE LIKE MATT HARDY? WILL YOU ADMIT THAT KAITLYN WAS ATTACKED BY GOLD DUST IN A BLONDE WIG? WILL YOU SIT THROUGH AN ENTIRE DIVAS MATCH? CAN YOU TWIRL YOUR MUSTACHE AS DANIEL BRYAN DOES BEFORE TYING NANCY GRACE TO THE RAILROAD TRACKS? WARRRIOOOOOO WA WARRRRRIOOOORRRRSSS! WAAAAARRRR! *heart explodes from the 17 pills of speed he took just minutes ago in DMX's hotel room*
What the fuck? Don't worry about the warrior fellas, the doctor at the hospital said he should recover just fine. When he arrived, John Cena sprinkled some magic pixie dust all over him and they say it did wonders. I'm champ dickholes.
.......Things changed, things changed and there's no changing of things to change them back to the way they were prior to them changing. *trademark*
Oh ya, before I forget. Dear Chris,
Also, Obama in a WOLF SHIRT!
Bamm. Spence out.
Dustin Faber
The Power and Glory of us all
Greetings MNF, or as the Warrior would put it, "SALUTATIONS AND ALTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I KNOW Andy hates wrestling questions, so in his honor, I will ask a wrestling question: Are moves like the sleeper hold, half-crab and scoop slam even viable moves anymore? Nobody ever wins with them, so their use seems stupid. LIKE MAH FACE, YOU IGNORANT SON OF A BITCH!!!!!
Oh, we'll get to Dustin Faber in a minute. But first, FIRST! HAS EVERYONE gone tourney mad? We had a King of the Ring, now people want to do a tag team tournament? I say we scrap all of that and have the first ever MONDAY NIGHT FLAW TOURNAMENT OF RANDOM STUFF DUSTIN THOUGHT UP DURING HIS EMAIL! 16 random items, and CAndy gets to decide which is better, eventually leading to the championship match at NIGHT OF THE FLAWEDCAST RANDOM STUFF PPV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are your first-round matchups, seeded like the ass of Cam Gullett!
1. Scrubbing Bubbles
8. Rod Roddy
4. Baseball
5. Burlington Coat Factory
2. Chocolate Milk
7. Gene Okerlund
3. Boise, Idaho
6. Guacamole
1. Beverly Cleary books
8. James Ryan
4. Community (television series)
5. Wings (the food not the television series)
2. Dr. Pepper
7. Sam Rockwell
3. New socks
6. Corn Dogs.
I look forward to this tournament that makes absolutely no sense.
OMG SANDWICH ACTION!!!!
Before I address myself, there is another that needs addressing. J.B. King. To insinuate that I have a drug problem is about as ridiculous as my mother and father's decision to skip Planned Parenthood 29 years ago. Luckily, I don't have to talk to you, as The Idaho Statesman has already covered the big news. DO IT DO IT NOW!
Now that that is out of the way, I have to face a sober truth: I might not make it out alive. So before I do, I need to say some things to my fellow Flawedcast community.
Nate Corbitt, I miss your emails. I wish you well on your journey North as you search for Margo the Bird.
Chris Alt and JB King: The fact that you are forced to watch Honey Boo Boo almost makes me reexamine my pro-life viewpoints. What horrible things you both have to endure. God bless you and the the job you do.
Andy Gast-OWN: You're the only french guy I know. That makes you special and unique. Props on your mad podcasting skillz.
Druin/Cliffs Notes: A shrine should be dedicated in your honor. ONE OF THE GREATEST COMBOS OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PIZZA PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STU LITTLE! STU LITTLE! STU LITTLE!!! MY FAVORITE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD OMG PLEASE WIN MORE TITLES AND STOP BEING SO DRAB BECAUSE I NEED YOU TO WIN ITS LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT BUT NOT REALLY CAUSE I LIKE WINNING BUT YA KNOW I JUST WANNA BE NICE AND ALL!
All of this has been fun guys. But I need to face myself one more time.
SD: Fun? hahaha
LD: Oh it's you. Shadow Dustin Faber! That dark side of me that threatens my very existence!
SD: Huh?
LD: You heard me. Now lets finish this.
(Light Dustin Faber blocks every punch that Shadow Dustin Faber throws).
SD: The last time we met, you were just a wimpy guy asking wimpy questions. "HEY guys, let's play a game where you form your own federation using 8 to 9 guys." You know why they never answered it? It's because you are stupid!
LD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i am not stupid!
(Light Dustin Faber's intensity picks up as he blocks more punches and kicks from Shadow Dustin Faber)
SD: GIVE IN TO YOUR ANGER YOU SILLY SON OF A BITCH!!!
LD: I WILL NOT FIGHT YOU! I WILL NOT WAGE WAR AGAINST MY OWN SOUL!!!! IF YOU STRIKE ME DOWN, I'LL BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU COULD EVER IMAGINE!
(Shadow Dustin Faber delivers the fatal blow)
Fin'
