MNF 44/Male Bag 27
Nov 2, 2012 14:16:46 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Nov 2, 2012 14:16:46 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 44 with Canadian Bulldog and Male Bag 27: Not a Team Player on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw and come back here and vote for the emailer of the week!
Future Andy Gaston
Don't believe me? Here's proof...
Dear Me and Chris,
It's me again, Andy Gaston, from 5 years into the future. For some reason,
the two of you haven't really seemed convinced over the past few weeks,
that I am who I say I am. Some people say I'm just another of the Jon
Drouin clones. As if I sound even remotely that idiotic? Even the listeners
seem a bit skeptical. Here's the part of Male Bag where I blow everybody
's minds! (Sorry, my return key got stuck.)
This week, on MNF Male Bag, I hereby make the following predictions:
1. JB King will misspell something (bet you're thinking this is the
beginning of some stupid vague predictions bit, aren't you? Don't worry...
they get more specific from here).
2. Dustin Faber will tell us all how much his e-mail last week sucked, and
will also take a jab at JB King's childhood.
3. I think Cliff Snotes' endorsement of Mr. Ventura for president might be
a bit presumptuous, albeit not entirely unexpected.
4. JB King will also have tragedy befall him, at the hands of Stu Little,
for his stealing of Stu's rap gimmick.
5. Stu will use the phrase "ass twinkie" - I remember this moment like it
was yesterday.
6. Barry Hubris (or, I guess, as you know him better, Jon Drouin) will have
documentation sent in from a medical professional regarding his MPD.
Apparently, he took my message to heart last week, and rushed out to get
himself checked out. I guess his Tigers losing the World Series was a
little too much for him to take.
7. King Michael Hodge will continue his absent streak here on the Male Bag.
His next e-mail won't actually come in for another 2 months. How about that
for being the reigning King of the Ring?
If this is not proof enough, just look at the timestamp on this e-mail and
compare it to that of the other e-mails sent in to the Male Bag this week.
My predictions are all true. I guarantee it.
See you next week.
Love,
Future Andy Gaston
Dr. Benjamin Edlund
Regarding your Male Bag
Dr. Benjamin Edlund
Chair of Behavioral Science
Director of Psychology
The Evanston Clinic
Mr. Gaston,
I am writing to you regarding a serious matter pertaining to my patient Barry Hubris. At this time, Mr. Hubris should be considered unstable and dangerous, and all contact with him should be avoided. If he does attempt to contact you, please seek shelter and contact the local authorities immediately.
To bring you up to speed, Mr. Hubris is afflicted with comorbidity [co-mor-bid-i-ty], which is essentially the development of additional mental disorders to an existing primary disorder.
Mr. Hubris is afflicted with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which is more commonly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), and is a severe disturbance of self-identity, memory and general awareness of self and surroundings . This is his primary disorder. We have discovered that due to his DID, Mr. Hubris has created a number of distinct dissociated personalities. Our research into Mr. Hubris has uncovered at least 17 dissociated personalities, although there are likely more.
It appears that the first dissociated personality that Barry Hubris created was a Canadian man with a similar name of “Barry H.” However, it is the second personality that is the predominant personality of Barry Hubris. For the last 19 years, Mr. Hubris has been living as his predominant personality, going so far as to create a legal identity for this personality. As such, Mr. Hubris has been living under the name of " Jon Drouin".
We are still researching the vast library of notebooks and journals of Mr. Hubris, as well as his internet history. However, I can share with you a few additional facts. About half of the personalities are named either Brad or Michael. One recently dormant personality writes in broken Spanish, and a long dormant personality is an English-speaking Latino. One is female, only referred to as "Firewoman". He also has personalities that are Australian, English, Scottish, and one that we are having trouble deciphering due to the extremely vulgar and inappropriate language combined with incredibly poor grammar and diction.
Until recently, Mr. Hubris has been able to function surprisingly well as a contributing member of society as “Jon Drouin”. This personality is a rather mild, friendly, optimistic, and somewhat naïve fellow. However, it appears that an unknown recent event may have acted as a trigger that has yielded one or more new secondary mental disorders.
We have yet to confirm what this event may have been, but common traumatic events may include death of close friend, loss of friendship of a hero or idol, poor performance of a favorite sports team, stresses from politics and associated fearmongering by candidates, and/or sexual abuse.
Last week, Mr. Hubris voluntarily checked himself into our Clinic, citing “exhaustion”. During his initial examination, he became irritable, and then angry, and then began attacking the shadows in the room with a lamp and yelling “Release Dustin!” before he was restrained.
However, within 15 hours of his voluntary stay with us, he somehow escaped from his restraints, his room, and our facility. Police Reports soon followed of an angry man matching Mr. Hubris identity.
The first report is of a Mr. Hubris using a toy train to attack a bus driver and stealing his bus because of “your Giants”. Mr. Hubris then began loudly singing (to the tune of “Funkytown”):
“Doo-do-doot
Won’t You Take Me To
Doo-Do-Doot
ASSHOLETOWN!
Doo-Do-Doot
Won’t you Take Me To: ASSHOLETOWN”
Apparently, Mr Hubris next drove the bus through the front windows and into Aisle Six of a nearby Kroger. He confronted employees in the back room and demanded ‘bacon, lots of gum, and a box of frozen twinkies’.
The bus was later found in a ditch, along with a local meth dealer who was stuck in a mountain of gum, claiming he was beaten with his own belt before enduring twenty minutes of front pelvic thrusts. He was also forced to eat a frozen twinkie. Mr. Hubris did, however, apologize for interrupting the flow of Free Markets. We believe that Mr. Hubris has stolen a vehicle and a box of spoons from the aforementioned Meth Dealer, who is not cooperating with our investigation.
As I stated earlier, Mr. Hubris has devolved into violence and with no apparent rationality behind his behavior. If you have any insight into Mr. Hubris’ past, his current behavior, or his current location, please contact me at your earliest opportunity. And please, use every precaution if Mr Hubris does contact you again.
Professionally yours,
Dr. Edlund, Ph. D.
Jon Drouin
Male Bag
Andy and Chris,
Hello! How was your week?
I'm writing you from the road because--- Hey! What's that noise?
It sounds like... like bagpipes.
Andy! You started Stu's entrance theme too early! And you're just going to let it continue during my email?
Well FINE. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then I'll just keep it to myself, and I'LL be the one to do this introduction.
Our next emailer comes from GLASGOW, SCOTLAND.
HE is the ELEVEN TIME email CHAMPION OF THE WORLD...
..but like six of them came before the Male Bag show was created, which is kind of like all those NFL Championships that the Green Bay Packers won that aren't Super Bowls, so I think we should stop including those in his totals.
HE is the FIVE time email CHAMPION of the MALE BAG... STUART aaaaaaaaLITTLE!!!!
Dustin Hawes
Fight to death..... Of a gimmick
Hey guys,
Short e-mail this week because the only thing i have to say is...... I
challenge Spence Hopkins to a steel cage match next week on the monday
night flaw mailbag podcast pay per view extravaganza event of 2012!!!!! If
Spence loses then the Warrior gimmick is dead and he has to get a new one.
If i lose i will have to do something on the mailbag that has been
discussed between Spence and myself that will not be good for anyone.....
Especially myself.
Kroger boy one Audi 5000
Austin Sanders
♫Do you ever feeeeeeeel, Like a plastic bag?♫ Idk but the Benoit kid probably did.
*Long ass pause for this pop to settle*
If yall wanna see...... *Stops due to the loud chanting of "AUSTIN! AUSTIN!
AUSTIN"*
As I was sayin.....If ya wanna see Stone Cold come back and stomp a mudhole
in JB KINGS ASS, GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!
*HELL YEAH!*
NO! I SAID, GIVE ME A HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL YYYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!
*HELL YEAH!!!*
NOOOOO! I SAID! GIVE ME A
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*"One person"----- Shut the fuck up and say some shit you drunk asshole*
Fair enough.
Man, it....... is........ GOOD to be back on the malebag. Well I guess I
should start with a brief update. My dick is 10 inches bigger than yours
and the funeral was nice.
ALSO who's the adorable child that says my catchphrase at the end of the
show? Is it yours Chris Or Demkos? Cams? LOL Cam be a father, that's gonna
be illegal when Mitt's president. Who ever the child belongs to, you are SO
FUCKING SUED! I Hope college isn't in your daughters future. Horrible
fathers putting your children in that kind predicament. Air heads. And I'll
sue. I'll sue hard than the "Parents against Devsop" Support group. BTW, I
swear to Dustins fake beard man in the sky that Devsop sounds DEAD ON like
Jimmy from south park.
*Jimmys voice* "You shall not...pa-papap-pa-aaaaaaa....You shall
not...pa....papapaaaaaaaa.....You shall not PAaapapasssssssss!"
"Stans says you're a caaaa......ca...ca....CUNT.....Stan says you"re a
CUNT.CUNT.CUNT.....Stan says you're a CUNTCUNT.CUNtinuing source
of inspiration for him.
For those interested in knowing how sad my life really is, these last few
weeks I haven't seen my name in any email when I Ctrl+F on my keyboard at
punshouse .What? I'm the Benoit of the malebag now? I can never be
mentioned? Fuck you bundle of sticks. Also, what happened to me 5 years
from now? I NEED TO KNOW!
And now, BJ KINK......sigh.
Drop a mutha fukin beat.
"Ellen Degeneres- by Lil B"
JB King so cold
*swag*
Cold as fucking ice
*swag*
This retard can't even spell, so time to pay the price.
*Damn nigga!*
Your words, they are like cheese.
*Swag*
It makes me fucking hurl.
*Swag*
But it don't matter, I'm still badder, And I'm still fuckin your girl.
*SWERVE*
Your chick and me, we in a hammock trick.
*Swag*
We green egg and hamin it.
*Swag*
Gettin in the right potion so my dick can get fit.
*See that shit?*
Man this sand nigga cray-cray
*Swag*
His bills, he can't even pay pay.
*Swag*
What's that, I can't hear you, Yo bitch gettin that spray spray.
*SKEET!*
Your wrist, you will slit.
*Swag*
You can't come at my wit.
*Swag*
Yo bitch is in yo bed, you watchin from in the closet.
*Nigga, you gay*
Nigga, I'm just startin
*swag*
I've fucked places you never been
*swag*
You jackin off like it's a sin
*SKEETS ON YO BED SHEETS!*
While I fuck yo bitch at holiday inn.
*Look it up. It's a place*
I fuck her at the sunsets
*Swag*
I fuck her in my private jets
*Double swag*
Man did you know that yo bitch all done, she be giving off "the sweats"
*WORK OUT"
Man, you must be angry
*swag*
Angrier than birds
*Love that game*
Go back to your D&D, YOU FUCKING RETARDED NERD!
*Done*
--Sees that JB King is still single on FB--
Oh, guess that speaks for itself.
XOXOXOXOXO
Austin
PS- I finally know what Cam will do when he becomes a super hero.
Cam's a bad motha fuckin nigga.
PPS-Dustin, I tried liking God. But he's a fucking annoying little
dick nozzle.
PPPS- King, I don't see your fascination with this website. Or maybe I do.
I don't know anymore.
PPPPS- This picture is just funny so I have no context.
PPPPPS-If Chris is somehow angry at my rappin skillz, maybe he shouldn't
have rapped it like a pretty white boi. Cracka ass honkey.
Shoot nigga. *tisk* Why don't chu go back to yo Polo game ya rich kid.
Watermelon, fried Chicken, being loud at movie theaters, walking slow in
the hall way, voting for Obama. All that crazy jive. Ect. Ect.
Austin Sanders
Well King finally accepted my Friend request.
Turns out he has a girlfriend. Which makes my final line Worthless.
That's embarrassing.....uhhh.....
This.
Cliff Snotes
Giant Male Bag
WELCOME! TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF SNOTES
Andy and Chris,
Together We're GIANT.
Hello. I apologize for my absence last week, as I was stuck in a bunch of legal negotiations over the rights to the GTV sex tapes. The bad news is that I’ve been ordered to return most of the footage to those that were taped without their knowledge. The good news is that Hornswoggle gave me permission to send the footage of him molesting WWE plush toys to Nate Corbitt.
Oh yeah, The 'G' in GTV stands for GIANTS! Giants Rule! Dodgers Drool!
Kroger fight!
Spence Hopkins and Dustin Hawes! Andy put these guys in a headline feud once and for all, and call it The Battle of the Choades Scholars.
GIANTS GIANTS
They're the Best!
They are better than
All The Rest!
Woooooo!!!
WWE Creative had to make up this Survivor Team Match about 30 minutes before the show, right? If someone was putting together a Headlining Survivor Series team of faces five or six weeks ago, I don't know if any of these guys would be on it. Nothing about Randy Orton or Team Hell No or even Ryback says that they would want to help Mick Foley or that they play well with others. Which actually points to a bigger problem - the upper card of faces is a disaster. The number of credible upper card faces is pretty much Cena, Sheamus, and Orton - and at this very moment, they are all stale. This explains why Team Hell No are default faces right now, and why Kofi is suddenly elevated to the main event for no apparent reason. Can we get some new writers? This also shines a big spotlight on a few other issues: Why the hell isn't Zack Ryder being promoted? And why the hell would you play hardball with Jericho right now? He could be a credible face and elevate a feud with a number or guys.
The San Francisco Giants just STOMPED on the Tigers. Ha ha ha ha ha!
EPISODE SEVEN! <cringe> What a great week. In the middle of a hurricane and an election, we learn that old and grey Luke, hip-replacement Han, and fat Leia are getting back together. Disney World is in Orlando and so is TNA Wrestling which has old guys a nd this joke is going nowhere and the whole thing is stupid and depressing. Nevermind.
When the Giants come to Town!
It's Bye-Bye Baby
Everytime the Chips are down!
It's Bye-Bye Baby
History's in the making at Candlestick Park
Cheer For the batter and Light the Spark!
If you're a fan of Giants Baseball
Sing Bye-Bye Baby
If you want to be in first place
Call Bye-Bye Baby
Listen to the broadcast on KSFO
Turn Up the Volume and hear them Go!
To the San Francisco Giants
It's Bye-Bye Baby!
Hey Chris - don't get comfortable - it's time to get your blood boiling. It appears that barring another natural disaster, that this will be the last Male Bag before the election, so let's talk politics!
(Bear with me listeners. Don't hit that 'skip ahead 30 seconds' button on your phone just yet. I know that most of the people listening are liberals or foreigners, with the exception being one of the Dustin Fabers. But I'm going to keep this relevant to our show, and try to bridge the gap between Chris Alt and myself politically, and unite our great nation)
OK… so as far as our Presidential election goes, one of the candidates is an egotistical, unethical, hypocritical, waffling liar, who is unfit to be the leader of our country.
And the other one… here’s the punch line…
The other one is too.
Both candidates and both parties cater to special interests before the needs of the entire country. Both are liars. Both parties are filled with assholes. Both parties are racist.
And unlike all past and future elections in our nation’s history, this one is really really important. We need a great leader who will not put up with assholes and special interests from either party.
For the US Presidential election, Cliff Snotes is endorsing write-in candidate Jesse Ventura.
C’mon – do you really think your lives will be better over the next four years with Obama, or The Body? Who do you want making decisions on dealing with terrorists? Or China? Or fixing Social Security and Health Care? Vote Ventura!
And one more topic. There's a US Senate Race in Connecticut between a Democrat named Chris Murphy and a Republican named Linda McMahon.
If you take a look at the backgrounds of both candidates, you'll see that they pretty much follow straight down their party lines, but there's some interesting stuff in there. Linda McMahon hasn't really done a whole lot outside of wrestling. She's overseen failed ventures like the XFL, endured steroid scandals, and was embarrassed when her husband had an affair with Trish Stratus. On top of that, she's run a very negative campaign. She hasn't accomplished anything that would make you believe she's fit for the Senate. Chris Murphy, while in the US House of Representatives, was active in Ethics Reform, and also he's been tough on crime. However, at best, Chris Murphy doesn't pay his taxes, or his car payments, and his house has been in foreclosure..... and at worst… well I’ll let you connect the dots regarding a powerful congressman and his efforts to conceal his money woes. But the cherry on this sundae is that the Connecticut Democrats and their liberal media friends have been pushing an anti-wrestling agenda! You bastards!
So this is a tough call, but here’s my endorsement. I am Cliff Snotes, and I endorse Chris Murphy for the US Senate in Connecticut, but ONLY if you write a letter to the Democratic Party in Connecticut as a registered Democrat, and tell them to shut their whore mouths about the negative effects of wrestling on society, or you will superkick them through a barbershop window.
So Chris… how are we doing? Were we able to find some common ground in politics?
I am the Uniter
I am Cliff Snotes
P.S. Thank God we don’t have talk politics again for another four years, Chris, you socialist commie freedom hater.
Spence Hopkins
Snibble snarl
Warriors! MY TIME DRAWS NEAR! MY BLOOD RUNS FERTILE! MY COLLAR BONE IS FORESEEABLE THROUGH THE PLAINS OF INFESTED NOTRE DAME FANS! MY STENCH IS STRONG IN THE CHOSEN PITS, YET STILL BUT 1/10 THE STENCH OF THE INTERIOR OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH RETAILER! MY HAIR IS INFUSED WITH THE WILL OF THE EVERLASTING TESTAMENT OF VICKIE GUERRERO'S NEVER ENDING SPARE TIRE! THE FORCES OF MY TEA KETTLE HAVE GOTTEN INSIDE JEFF HARDY'S MIND AND MADE THEMSELVES AUDIBLE! THE MAGGOTS HAVE EATEN THROUGH ANDRE THE GIANT'S MASSIVE SKULL AND TAKEN HEED TO THE POWERS OF THE CHOSEN ONE! (proceeds to eat what he believes to be maggots, which actually turn out to be maggots. Except the maggots had been lathered in LSD)
Ya, so i guess that's a thing.
Spence
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID
Stu Little
Faberable Positioning
Hey guys.
Well, that's certainly a boost. Champ again. This bodes very well in my war with Shadow Dustin Faber, does it not? If I can beat the Abonimable Alt Jinx, I can do anything, right? And really, what can you throw at me Dustin, that I can't handle? Fake newspapers? It's a dying medium, Dustin! In a couple of years, your daughter will be asking "Daddy, what's a newspaper?" in addition to "Daddy, what's Sunlight?" after you blot out the sky, you megalomaniacal bastard! I'm not afraid of your Ninja Skills either, bud, because while you may be the Catholic Curbstomper, I am the Scottish Samurai:
That's not a Halloween costume. That's what I wear 24/7, and while now that I think about, it might account for my month long cold I've been fighting, that's how committed I am to this. I have fall back positions all over the globe, Dustin. Fully stocked with a year's worth of food and water, and should those run out, there's always my last ditch emergency Ass Twinkie supply.
But maybe it doesn't have to come to that, Dustin. Maybe you should just yield before we even start. Go away, let Light Dustin Faber return. Don't make me come down on you with all my might. By the time it's over, you'll be feeling more run down than Lillian Garcia. Yeah, that's right! I'm WAY too classy to stoop to the level of making fun of Lillian Garcia's looks like a certain horse-joke making, bald, podcast hosting, Arkansas dweller who shall remain nameless. I'll stick to mocking her misfortune, thank you very much.
Anyway, onto this week's wrestling. I'll just give my thoughts on Hell In A Cell for the most part, as the only notable thing from Smackdown I remember is learning from JBL that Yoshi Tatsu used to be a professional boxer. Well, OBVIOUSLY. One look at that guy and you can tell. In fact, wasn't his theme music originally used by Mike Tyson?
But onto Hell In A Cell! The speciality match that's SO dangerous and career shortening, this is the second time it's been used this year.
Orton/Del Rio was a decent opener, marred only by the fact Randy Orton had shaved his head again. I had personally enjoyed his more shaggy appearance lately as it allowed me to pretend Randy Orton circa 2004 had been sent from the past to fill in for his present day self. Also, JR said Orton being titleless was almost like Randy being naked, and seeing a guy naked was not his idea of a good night. Of course not. He's not enough of a Hoss for that. If it was Ryback though, that'd leave him needing a STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! shower.
In a backstage segment, Paul Heyman was adamant that CM Punk wasn't afraid of Ryback, and that he wasn't afraid of the Boogeyman either. Oh yeah? Then how come I can't Punk ever wrestling the guy when he was under contract? Eating Worms is Straight Edge, right?
I was surprised watching the Tag Team Championship match to see Sandow forget his civilised manner and gesticulate towards Kane in such an uncouth manner:
Who'd have thought he'd be so influence by Steve Austin? Though I kind of suspect he'd have a different take on his material.
"And that is the conclusion of this matter, for I, Damian Sandow I have stated as such."
*Stone Cold Theme*
The US Title match was preceded by a commercial for the new season of Doomsday Preppers, which Miz made the dominant focus of his pre-match promo. Jeez. First that promo he had on Raw one time that was just about him shilling a new Subway Sandwich, now this. Is there any product they won't have Miz awkwardly promote?
"Because I'm the Miz...and TAMPAX. IS. AAAWWWWWWWWWEESSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEE!!!"
Next was the U.S. Championship match...which was contested by a South African challenger and a Swiss Champion.
'MURICA!
Now you guys know how it feels to have D'Lo Brown unofficially considered the greatest European Champion of all time.
Actually, he was pretty awesome. Can his theme music close out the show this week?
Has anyone else considered the possibility that all these dangerous botches Sin Cara keeps committing are a cry for help? Maybe he's just not that happy.
Big Show prevailed against Sheamus, who according to JBL "Loves to fight, like a typical irishman". Yeah, when they aren't drunk and beating their wives and eating raw potatoes. Just because they're white doesn't mean that isn't offensive, you Texas Yahoo!
Designated piss break was the Divas triple threat, which Eve won with a Swanton Bomb that was so powerfull, it didn't even need to connect to lay her opponent out. Amazing. Why did she need to hire someone to attack Kaitlyn when she's clearly got telekinetic powers? Oh, by the way, did you know Kaitlyn's real name is Celeste Beryl Bonin. Why isn't he wrestling under that?? I don't know how you're meant to pronounce the surname, but I'm sure as hell going to go with Bonin'.
Main event time, and the video package for that was narrated by someone I'd describe as Bane's younger brother who's still going through puberty. Anyway, the match was as good as one could hope, and Punk clearly was doing all he could to make Ryback look good. One spot I did like was when it took two axehandles off the top rope just to stagger Ryback. Of course, the match ended with Officiating Treachery~! as Brad Maddox hit Ryback with his signature, "The Referendum" aka Punch to the Bollocks, allowing Punk to retain. Afterwards, Ryback chased Punk to the top of the Cell and hit him with the Shellshock on top of it. He didn't put him through the ceiling with it, or toss him off the ledge, because that would have been y'know satisfying, and a nice potential tie in to WWE 13 as an attitude era callback. But oh well. Overall I'd say this was a pretty solid outting. Not the best, but not really bad.
Anyway, now that I've probably ruined my chances to get another win this week with my overly long e-mail, I'll bid you guys good night.
Stu
P.S. Yeah, I know I look more like a RUSSIAN Samurai with that hat, but check the tartain pattern. Totally counts.
JB King
YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! --brought to you by Carl's Jr
Hello again to the Andy “The Sell Out” O’Doyle and M.C. Chris-py Cream.
Well it looks like you win some you lose some. The previous email went like
I should have expected from a guy who doesn’t know Slick Rick. I have to
keep reminding myself that outside of myself and Dennis “The Tugboat”
Williams that this is the whitest group of individuals short of the Klan.
My week got worse when my girlfriend decided to dress up my dog for
Halloween. And yet, she has the audacity to say that I'm weird because she
caught me blow drying my junk. Too be fair, saying "I'm just heating up
your dinner." was probably not the best response. So where was I? Oh yeah.
I’m glad to see that Stu Little is finally becoming relevant after 2
months. What an UNDERDOG! I mean, all he had to do was wait for everyone to
either not participate or under perform if they did. Week after week the
haunting sounds of the slow claps that once had merit were dwindling to
uselessness with each loss Stu would take. But finally, FINALLY! After
weeks of deliberate pushing for Stu he finally did it. I hope he can do it
on his own next time. Speaking of which this paragraph is brought to you
buy Best Buy. Best Buy where you can buy such awesome products like the
Samson Go Mic used by many people here on the flawedcast network.
Speaking of which I’m glad to see Andy reach out to individuals who can
hopefully bring up the ratings! Informative work from the Canadian Bulldog.
I don’t know much about you, but I’m guessing you got that nickname due to
your breathing technique. Thank you again for using your microphone as a
nasal tube for your oh so needed oxygen. You sounded like James Enright
after walking 10 feet. I haven’t seen so many unnecessary plugs shoved up
our asses since…well hold on (shuffles through Cam Gullet jokes) well...
you can fill out the rest, just like Cam did! (/rimshot). This is why we
can’t have a show in front of a live audience. The Canadian Bulldog was
sucking so much wind the front row would have passed out due to oxygen
derivation just before the Scott Taylor recap. Is a plug all you need to
get on this show? Shit if that was true I could have provided you guys with
enough promotional Brazzers codes that Atom Dan would have ejaculated his
crooked dick to dust. Brazzers.com , where the only thing more enhanced
than our talent is the customer service and discounts!
Speaking of porn, it’s a shame you skipped out on the Divas match from the
PPV Andy. I mean, I know you are not a fan of female wrestling. But I know
you are a fan a some hot lezzing. Because in the midst of a bullshit Divas
match, for some odd reason Kaitlyn and Layla decided to munch the fuck out
of each others carpet. Think I’m lying? Take a look.
That’s B-R-A-Z-Z-E-R-S.com
Do we have a tag team division ready to go yet? No? Well than Andy and
Chris please form the teams RIGHT NOW! Let's just get it out of the way.
(waits for Andy and Chris)
Thanks guys.
Well sorry Andy it’s time to get to a quick question. But no worries, check
your inbox. I left you some stuff to look at while the grown-ups have a
conversation. Have fun.
(((Let Chris read the rest)))
Ok, I think he’s good. How are you Chris? Uh, I’m fine thanks King. I just
wanted your thoughts on a couple of things since you enjoy the questions.
Question One: The Pipe dream of the WWE Network. It seems The WWE Network
will be a "premium subscription model" released through all the regular
platforms. So perhaps this may work like HBO. The question is, why are they
still going through with this stupid idea and how much are you willing to
pay if you have to change cable or satellite programs? Will you give up
wrestling altogether or just illegally stream everything? Take your time
while Andy Manning giggles.
And that's it for this week. No matter how high or low my emails get. No
matter how hard I fall. I will win the belt back. I'll be back. Take care
guys.
Love Peace and Penis Grease
Johnny.
Stu Little
Och Hell Naw!
*an inconspicuous car pulls up outside of JB King's house*
*The driver sticks his head out of the window, holding a gun*
Stu: YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG SCOTSMAN WHEN YOU TRIED TO RAP ON THIS SHOW, BITCH!!
*multiple gunshot sounds*
Stu: SCOTT LAND, MOTHERFUCKER!!
*Stu drives off*
Future Andy Gaston
Don't believe me? Here's proof...
Dear Me and Chris,
It's me again, Andy Gaston, from 5 years into the future. For some reason,
the two of you haven't really seemed convinced over the past few weeks,
that I am who I say I am. Some people say I'm just another of the Jon
Drouin clones. As if I sound even remotely that idiotic? Even the listeners
seem a bit skeptical. Here's the part of Male Bag where I blow everybody
's minds! (Sorry, my return key got stuck.)
This week, on MNF Male Bag, I hereby make the following predictions:
1. JB King will misspell something (bet you're thinking this is the
beginning of some stupid vague predictions bit, aren't you? Don't worry...
they get more specific from here).
2. Dustin Faber will tell us all how much his e-mail last week sucked, and
will also take a jab at JB King's childhood.
3. I think Cliff Snotes' endorsement of Mr. Ventura for president might be
a bit presumptuous, albeit not entirely unexpected.
4. JB King will also have tragedy befall him, at the hands of Stu Little,
for his stealing of Stu's rap gimmick.
5. Stu will use the phrase "ass twinkie" - I remember this moment like it
was yesterday.
6. Barry Hubris (or, I guess, as you know him better, Jon Drouin) will have
documentation sent in from a medical professional regarding his MPD.
Apparently, he took my message to heart last week, and rushed out to get
himself checked out. I guess his Tigers losing the World Series was a
little too much for him to take.
7. King Michael Hodge will continue his absent streak here on the Male Bag.
His next e-mail won't actually come in for another 2 months. How about that
for being the reigning King of the Ring?
If this is not proof enough, just look at the timestamp on this e-mail and
compare it to that of the other e-mails sent in to the Male Bag this week.
My predictions are all true. I guarantee it.
See you next week.
Love,
Future Andy Gaston
Dr. Benjamin Edlund
Regarding your Male Bag
Dr. Benjamin Edlund
Chair of Behavioral Science
Director of Psychology
The Evanston Clinic
Mr. Gaston,
I am writing to you regarding a serious matter pertaining to my patient Barry Hubris. At this time, Mr. Hubris should be considered unstable and dangerous, and all contact with him should be avoided. If he does attempt to contact you, please seek shelter and contact the local authorities immediately.
To bring you up to speed, Mr. Hubris is afflicted with comorbidity [co-mor-bid-i-ty], which is essentially the development of additional mental disorders to an existing primary disorder.
Mr. Hubris is afflicted with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which is more commonly known as Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), and is a severe disturbance of self-identity, memory and general awareness of self and surroundings . This is his primary disorder. We have discovered that due to his DID, Mr. Hubris has created a number of distinct dissociated personalities. Our research into Mr. Hubris has uncovered at least 17 dissociated personalities, although there are likely more.
It appears that the first dissociated personality that Barry Hubris created was a Canadian man with a similar name of “Barry H.” However, it is the second personality that is the predominant personality of Barry Hubris. For the last 19 years, Mr. Hubris has been living as his predominant personality, going so far as to create a legal identity for this personality. As such, Mr. Hubris has been living under the name of " Jon Drouin".
We are still researching the vast library of notebooks and journals of Mr. Hubris, as well as his internet history. However, I can share with you a few additional facts. About half of the personalities are named either Brad or Michael. One recently dormant personality writes in broken Spanish, and a long dormant personality is an English-speaking Latino. One is female, only referred to as "Firewoman". He also has personalities that are Australian, English, Scottish, and one that we are having trouble deciphering due to the extremely vulgar and inappropriate language combined with incredibly poor grammar and diction.
Until recently, Mr. Hubris has been able to function surprisingly well as a contributing member of society as “Jon Drouin”. This personality is a rather mild, friendly, optimistic, and somewhat naïve fellow. However, it appears that an unknown recent event may have acted as a trigger that has yielded one or more new secondary mental disorders.
We have yet to confirm what this event may have been, but common traumatic events may include death of close friend, loss of friendship of a hero or idol, poor performance of a favorite sports team, stresses from politics and associated fearmongering by candidates, and/or sexual abuse.
Last week, Mr. Hubris voluntarily checked himself into our Clinic, citing “exhaustion”. During his initial examination, he became irritable, and then angry, and then began attacking the shadows in the room with a lamp and yelling “Release Dustin!” before he was restrained.
However, within 15 hours of his voluntary stay with us, he somehow escaped from his restraints, his room, and our facility. Police Reports soon followed of an angry man matching Mr. Hubris identity.
The first report is of a Mr. Hubris using a toy train to attack a bus driver and stealing his bus because of “your Giants”. Mr. Hubris then began loudly singing (to the tune of “Funkytown”):
“Doo-do-doot
Won’t You Take Me To
Doo-Do-Doot
ASSHOLETOWN!
Doo-Do-Doot
Won’t you Take Me To: ASSHOLETOWN”
Apparently, Mr Hubris next drove the bus through the front windows and into Aisle Six of a nearby Kroger. He confronted employees in the back room and demanded ‘bacon, lots of gum, and a box of frozen twinkies’.
The bus was later found in a ditch, along with a local meth dealer who was stuck in a mountain of gum, claiming he was beaten with his own belt before enduring twenty minutes of front pelvic thrusts. He was also forced to eat a frozen twinkie. Mr. Hubris did, however, apologize for interrupting the flow of Free Markets. We believe that Mr. Hubris has stolen a vehicle and a box of spoons from the aforementioned Meth Dealer, who is not cooperating with our investigation.
As I stated earlier, Mr. Hubris has devolved into violence and with no apparent rationality behind his behavior. If you have any insight into Mr. Hubris’ past, his current behavior, or his current location, please contact me at your earliest opportunity. And please, use every precaution if Mr Hubris does contact you again.
Professionally yours,
Dr. Edlund, Ph. D.
Jon Drouin
Male Bag
Andy and Chris,
Hello! How was your week?
I'm writing you from the road because--- Hey! What's that noise?
It sounds like... like bagpipes.
Andy! You started Stu's entrance theme too early! And you're just going to let it continue during my email?
Well FINE. If you don't want to hear what I have to say, then I'll just keep it to myself, and I'LL be the one to do this introduction.
Our next emailer comes from GLASGOW, SCOTLAND.
HE is the ELEVEN TIME email CHAMPION OF THE WORLD...
..but like six of them came before the Male Bag show was created, which is kind of like all those NFL Championships that the Green Bay Packers won that aren't Super Bowls, so I think we should stop including those in his totals.
HE is the FIVE time email CHAMPION of the MALE BAG... STUART aaaaaaaaLITTLE!!!!
Dustin Hawes
Fight to death..... Of a gimmick
Hey guys,
Short e-mail this week because the only thing i have to say is...... I
challenge Spence Hopkins to a steel cage match next week on the monday
night flaw mailbag podcast pay per view extravaganza event of 2012!!!!! If
Spence loses then the Warrior gimmick is dead and he has to get a new one.
If i lose i will have to do something on the mailbag that has been
discussed between Spence and myself that will not be good for anyone.....
Especially myself.
Kroger boy one Audi 5000
Austin Sanders
♫Do you ever feeeeeeeel, Like a plastic bag?♫ Idk but the Benoit kid probably did.
*Long ass pause for this pop to settle*
If yall wanna see...... *Stops due to the loud chanting of "AUSTIN! AUSTIN!
AUSTIN"*
As I was sayin.....If ya wanna see Stone Cold come back and stomp a mudhole
in JB KINGS ASS, GIVE ME A HELL YEAH!
*HELL YEAH!*
NO! I SAID, GIVE ME A HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL YYYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!
*HELL YEAH!!!*
NOOOOO! I SAID! GIVE ME A
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*"One person"----- Shut the fuck up and say some shit you drunk asshole*
Fair enough.
Man, it....... is........ GOOD to be back on the malebag. Well I guess I
should start with a brief update. My dick is 10 inches bigger than yours
and the funeral was nice.
ALSO who's the adorable child that says my catchphrase at the end of the
show? Is it yours Chris Or Demkos? Cams? LOL Cam be a father, that's gonna
be illegal when Mitt's president. Who ever the child belongs to, you are SO
FUCKING SUED! I Hope college isn't in your daughters future. Horrible
fathers putting your children in that kind predicament. Air heads. And I'll
sue. I'll sue hard than the "Parents against Devsop" Support group. BTW, I
swear to Dustins fake beard man in the sky that Devsop sounds DEAD ON like
Jimmy from south park.
*Jimmys voice* "You shall not...pa-papap-pa-aaaaaaa....You shall
not...pa....papapaaaaaaaa.....You shall not PAaapapasssssssss!"
"Stans says you're a caaaa......ca...ca....CUNT.....Stan says you"re a
CUNT.CUNT.CUNT.....Stan says you're a CUNTCUNT.CUNtinuing source
of inspiration for him.
For those interested in knowing how sad my life really is, these last few
weeks I haven't seen my name in any email when I Ctrl+F on my keyboard at
punshouse .What? I'm the Benoit of the malebag now? I can never be
mentioned? Fuck you bundle of sticks. Also, what happened to me 5 years
from now? I NEED TO KNOW!
And now, BJ KINK......sigh.
Drop a mutha fukin beat.
"Ellen Degeneres- by Lil B"
JB King so cold
*swag*
Cold as fucking ice
*swag*
This retard can't even spell, so time to pay the price.
*Damn nigga!*
Your words, they are like cheese.
*Swag*
It makes me fucking hurl.
*Swag*
But it don't matter, I'm still badder, And I'm still fuckin your girl.
*SWERVE*
Your chick and me, we in a hammock trick.
*Swag*
We green egg and hamin it.
*Swag*
Gettin in the right potion so my dick can get fit.
*See that shit?*
Man this sand nigga cray-cray
*Swag*
His bills, he can't even pay pay.
*Swag*
What's that, I can't hear you, Yo bitch gettin that spray spray.
*SKEET!*
Your wrist, you will slit.
*Swag*
You can't come at my wit.
*Swag*
Yo bitch is in yo bed, you watchin from in the closet.
*Nigga, you gay*
Nigga, I'm just startin
*swag*
I've fucked places you never been
*swag*
You jackin off like it's a sin
*SKEETS ON YO BED SHEETS!*
While I fuck yo bitch at holiday inn.
*Look it up. It's a place*
I fuck her at the sunsets
*Swag*
I fuck her in my private jets
*Double swag*
Man did you know that yo bitch all done, she be giving off "the sweats"
*WORK OUT"
Man, you must be angry
*swag*
Angrier than birds
*Love that game*
Go back to your D&D, YOU FUCKING RETARDED NERD!
*Done*
--Sees that JB King is still single on FB--
Oh, guess that speaks for itself.
XOXOXOXOXO
Austin
PS- I finally know what Cam will do when he becomes a super hero.
Cam's a bad motha fuckin nigga.
PPS-Dustin, I tried liking God. But he's a fucking annoying little
dick nozzle.
PPPS- King, I don't see your fascination with this website. Or maybe I do.
I don't know anymore.
PPPPS- This picture is just funny so I have no context.
PPPPPS-If Chris is somehow angry at my rappin skillz, maybe he shouldn't
have rapped it like a pretty white boi. Cracka ass honkey.
Shoot nigga. *tisk* Why don't chu go back to yo Polo game ya rich kid.
Watermelon, fried Chicken, being loud at movie theaters, walking slow in
the hall way, voting for Obama. All that crazy jive. Ect. Ect.
Austin Sanders
Well King finally accepted my Friend request.
Turns out he has a girlfriend. Which makes my final line Worthless.
That's embarrassing.....uhhh.....
This.
Cliff Snotes
Giant Male Bag
WELCOME! TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF SNOTES
Andy and Chris,
Together We're GIANT.
Hello. I apologize for my absence last week, as I was stuck in a bunch of legal negotiations over the rights to the GTV sex tapes. The bad news is that I’ve been ordered to return most of the footage to those that were taped without their knowledge. The good news is that Hornswoggle gave me permission to send the footage of him molesting WWE plush toys to Nate Corbitt.
Oh yeah, The 'G' in GTV stands for GIANTS! Giants Rule! Dodgers Drool!
Kroger fight!
Spence Hopkins and Dustin Hawes! Andy put these guys in a headline feud once and for all, and call it The Battle of the Choades Scholars.
GIANTS GIANTS
They're the Best!
They are better than
All The Rest!
Woooooo!!!
WWE Creative had to make up this Survivor Team Match about 30 minutes before the show, right? If someone was putting together a Headlining Survivor Series team of faces five or six weeks ago, I don't know if any of these guys would be on it. Nothing about Randy Orton or Team Hell No or even Ryback says that they would want to help Mick Foley or that they play well with others. Which actually points to a bigger problem - the upper card of faces is a disaster. The number of credible upper card faces is pretty much Cena, Sheamus, and Orton - and at this very moment, they are all stale. This explains why Team Hell No are default faces right now, and why Kofi is suddenly elevated to the main event for no apparent reason. Can we get some new writers? This also shines a big spotlight on a few other issues: Why the hell isn't Zack Ryder being promoted? And why the hell would you play hardball with Jericho right now? He could be a credible face and elevate a feud with a number or guys.
The San Francisco Giants just STOMPED on the Tigers. Ha ha ha ha ha!
EPISODE SEVEN! <cringe> What a great week. In the middle of a hurricane and an election, we learn that old and grey Luke, hip-replacement Han, and fat Leia are getting back together. Disney World is in Orlando and so is TNA Wrestling which has old guys a nd this joke is going nowhere and the whole thing is stupid and depressing. Nevermind.
When the Giants come to Town!
It's Bye-Bye Baby
Everytime the Chips are down!
It's Bye-Bye Baby
History's in the making at Candlestick Park
Cheer For the batter and Light the Spark!
If you're a fan of Giants Baseball
Sing Bye-Bye Baby
If you want to be in first place
Call Bye-Bye Baby
Listen to the broadcast on KSFO
Turn Up the Volume and hear them Go!
To the San Francisco Giants
It's Bye-Bye Baby!
Hey Chris - don't get comfortable - it's time to get your blood boiling. It appears that barring another natural disaster, that this will be the last Male Bag before the election, so let's talk politics!
(Bear with me listeners. Don't hit that 'skip ahead 30 seconds' button on your phone just yet. I know that most of the people listening are liberals or foreigners, with the exception being one of the Dustin Fabers. But I'm going to keep this relevant to our show, and try to bridge the gap between Chris Alt and myself politically, and unite our great nation)
OK… so as far as our Presidential election goes, one of the candidates is an egotistical, unethical, hypocritical, waffling liar, who is unfit to be the leader of our country.
And the other one… here’s the punch line…
The other one is too.
Both candidates and both parties cater to special interests before the needs of the entire country. Both are liars. Both parties are filled with assholes. Both parties are racist.
And unlike all past and future elections in our nation’s history, this one is really really important. We need a great leader who will not put up with assholes and special interests from either party.
For the US Presidential election, Cliff Snotes is endorsing write-in candidate Jesse Ventura.
C’mon – do you really think your lives will be better over the next four years with Obama, or The Body? Who do you want making decisions on dealing with terrorists? Or China? Or fixing Social Security and Health Care? Vote Ventura!
And one more topic. There's a US Senate Race in Connecticut between a Democrat named Chris Murphy and a Republican named Linda McMahon.
If you take a look at the backgrounds of both candidates, you'll see that they pretty much follow straight down their party lines, but there's some interesting stuff in there. Linda McMahon hasn't really done a whole lot outside of wrestling. She's overseen failed ventures like the XFL, endured steroid scandals, and was embarrassed when her husband had an affair with Trish Stratus. On top of that, she's run a very negative campaign. She hasn't accomplished anything that would make you believe she's fit for the Senate. Chris Murphy, while in the US House of Representatives, was active in Ethics Reform, and also he's been tough on crime. However, at best, Chris Murphy doesn't pay his taxes, or his car payments, and his house has been in foreclosure..... and at worst… well I’ll let you connect the dots regarding a powerful congressman and his efforts to conceal his money woes. But the cherry on this sundae is that the Connecticut Democrats and their liberal media friends have been pushing an anti-wrestling agenda! You bastards!
So this is a tough call, but here’s my endorsement. I am Cliff Snotes, and I endorse Chris Murphy for the US Senate in Connecticut, but ONLY if you write a letter to the Democratic Party in Connecticut as a registered Democrat, and tell them to shut their whore mouths about the negative effects of wrestling on society, or you will superkick them through a barbershop window.
So Chris… how are we doing? Were we able to find some common ground in politics?
I am the Uniter
I am Cliff Snotes
P.S. Thank God we don’t have talk politics again for another four years, Chris, you socialist commie freedom hater.
Spence Hopkins
Snibble snarl
Warriors! MY TIME DRAWS NEAR! MY BLOOD RUNS FERTILE! MY COLLAR BONE IS FORESEEABLE THROUGH THE PLAINS OF INFESTED NOTRE DAME FANS! MY STENCH IS STRONG IN THE CHOSEN PITS, YET STILL BUT 1/10 THE STENCH OF THE INTERIOR OF AN ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH RETAILER! MY HAIR IS INFUSED WITH THE WILL OF THE EVERLASTING TESTAMENT OF VICKIE GUERRERO'S NEVER ENDING SPARE TIRE! THE FORCES OF MY TEA KETTLE HAVE GOTTEN INSIDE JEFF HARDY'S MIND AND MADE THEMSELVES AUDIBLE! THE MAGGOTS HAVE EATEN THROUGH ANDRE THE GIANT'S MASSIVE SKULL AND TAKEN HEED TO THE POWERS OF THE CHOSEN ONE! (proceeds to eat what he believes to be maggots, which actually turn out to be maggots. Except the maggots had been lathered in LSD)
Ya, so i guess that's a thing.
Spence
Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE DROID
Stu Little
Faberable Positioning
Hey guys.
Well, that's certainly a boost. Champ again. This bodes very well in my war with Shadow Dustin Faber, does it not? If I can beat the Abonimable Alt Jinx, I can do anything, right? And really, what can you throw at me Dustin, that I can't handle? Fake newspapers? It's a dying medium, Dustin! In a couple of years, your daughter will be asking "Daddy, what's a newspaper?" in addition to "Daddy, what's Sunlight?" after you blot out the sky, you megalomaniacal bastard! I'm not afraid of your Ninja Skills either, bud, because while you may be the Catholic Curbstomper, I am the Scottish Samurai:
That's not a Halloween costume. That's what I wear 24/7, and while now that I think about, it might account for my month long cold I've been fighting, that's how committed I am to this. I have fall back positions all over the globe, Dustin. Fully stocked with a year's worth of food and water, and should those run out, there's always my last ditch emergency Ass Twinkie supply.
But maybe it doesn't have to come to that, Dustin. Maybe you should just yield before we even start. Go away, let Light Dustin Faber return. Don't make me come down on you with all my might. By the time it's over, you'll be feeling more run down than Lillian Garcia. Yeah, that's right! I'm WAY too classy to stoop to the level of making fun of Lillian Garcia's looks like a certain horse-joke making, bald, podcast hosting, Arkansas dweller who shall remain nameless. I'll stick to mocking her misfortune, thank you very much.
Anyway, onto this week's wrestling. I'll just give my thoughts on Hell In A Cell for the most part, as the only notable thing from Smackdown I remember is learning from JBL that Yoshi Tatsu used to be a professional boxer. Well, OBVIOUSLY. One look at that guy and you can tell. In fact, wasn't his theme music originally used by Mike Tyson?
But onto Hell In A Cell! The speciality match that's SO dangerous and career shortening, this is the second time it's been used this year.
Orton/Del Rio was a decent opener, marred only by the fact Randy Orton had shaved his head again. I had personally enjoyed his more shaggy appearance lately as it allowed me to pretend Randy Orton circa 2004 had been sent from the past to fill in for his present day self. Also, JR said Orton being titleless was almost like Randy being naked, and seeing a guy naked was not his idea of a good night. Of course not. He's not enough of a Hoss for that. If it was Ryback though, that'd leave him needing a STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! shower.
In a backstage segment, Paul Heyman was adamant that CM Punk wasn't afraid of Ryback, and that he wasn't afraid of the Boogeyman either. Oh yeah? Then how come I can't Punk ever wrestling the guy when he was under contract? Eating Worms is Straight Edge, right?
I was surprised watching the Tag Team Championship match to see Sandow forget his civilised manner and gesticulate towards Kane in such an uncouth manner:
Who'd have thought he'd be so influence by Steve Austin? Though I kind of suspect he'd have a different take on his material.
"And that is the conclusion of this matter, for I, Damian Sandow I have stated as such."
*Stone Cold Theme*
The US Title match was preceded by a commercial for the new season of Doomsday Preppers, which Miz made the dominant focus of his pre-match promo. Jeez. First that promo he had on Raw one time that was just about him shilling a new Subway Sandwich, now this. Is there any product they won't have Miz awkwardly promote?
"Because I'm the Miz...and TAMPAX. IS. AAAWWWWWWWWWEESSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEE!!!"
Next was the U.S. Championship match...which was contested by a South African challenger and a Swiss Champion.
'MURICA!
Now you guys know how it feels to have D'Lo Brown unofficially considered the greatest European Champion of all time.
Actually, he was pretty awesome. Can his theme music close out the show this week?
Has anyone else considered the possibility that all these dangerous botches Sin Cara keeps committing are a cry for help? Maybe he's just not that happy.
Big Show prevailed against Sheamus, who according to JBL "Loves to fight, like a typical irishman". Yeah, when they aren't drunk and beating their wives and eating raw potatoes. Just because they're white doesn't mean that isn't offensive, you Texas Yahoo!
Designated piss break was the Divas triple threat, which Eve won with a Swanton Bomb that was so powerfull, it didn't even need to connect to lay her opponent out. Amazing. Why did she need to hire someone to attack Kaitlyn when she's clearly got telekinetic powers? Oh, by the way, did you know Kaitlyn's real name is Celeste Beryl Bonin. Why isn't he wrestling under that?? I don't know how you're meant to pronounce the surname, but I'm sure as hell going to go with Bonin'.
Main event time, and the video package for that was narrated by someone I'd describe as Bane's younger brother who's still going through puberty. Anyway, the match was as good as one could hope, and Punk clearly was doing all he could to make Ryback look good. One spot I did like was when it took two axehandles off the top rope just to stagger Ryback. Of course, the match ended with Officiating Treachery~! as Brad Maddox hit Ryback with his signature, "The Referendum" aka Punch to the Bollocks, allowing Punk to retain. Afterwards, Ryback chased Punk to the top of the Cell and hit him with the Shellshock on top of it. He didn't put him through the ceiling with it, or toss him off the ledge, because that would have been y'know satisfying, and a nice potential tie in to WWE 13 as an attitude era callback. But oh well. Overall I'd say this was a pretty solid outting. Not the best, but not really bad.
Anyway, now that I've probably ruined my chances to get another win this week with my overly long e-mail, I'll bid you guys good night.
Stu
P.S. Yeah, I know I look more like a RUSSIAN Samurai with that hat, but check the tartain pattern. Totally counts.
JB King
YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! --brought to you by Carl's Jr
Hello again to the Andy “The Sell Out” O’Doyle and M.C. Chris-py Cream.
Well it looks like you win some you lose some. The previous email went like
I should have expected from a guy who doesn’t know Slick Rick. I have to
keep reminding myself that outside of myself and Dennis “The Tugboat”
Williams that this is the whitest group of individuals short of the Klan.
My week got worse when my girlfriend decided to dress up my dog for
Halloween. And yet, she has the audacity to say that I'm weird because she
caught me blow drying my junk. Too be fair, saying "I'm just heating up
your dinner." was probably not the best response. So where was I? Oh yeah.
I’m glad to see that Stu Little is finally becoming relevant after 2
months. What an UNDERDOG! I mean, all he had to do was wait for everyone to
either not participate or under perform if they did. Week after week the
haunting sounds of the slow claps that once had merit were dwindling to
uselessness with each loss Stu would take. But finally, FINALLY! After
weeks of deliberate pushing for Stu he finally did it. I hope he can do it
on his own next time. Speaking of which this paragraph is brought to you
buy Best Buy. Best Buy where you can buy such awesome products like the
Samson Go Mic used by many people here on the flawedcast network.
Speaking of which I’m glad to see Andy reach out to individuals who can
hopefully bring up the ratings! Informative work from the Canadian Bulldog.
I don’t know much about you, but I’m guessing you got that nickname due to
your breathing technique. Thank you again for using your microphone as a
nasal tube for your oh so needed oxygen. You sounded like James Enright
after walking 10 feet. I haven’t seen so many unnecessary plugs shoved up
our asses since…well hold on (shuffles through Cam Gullet jokes) well...
you can fill out the rest, just like Cam did! (/rimshot). This is why we
can’t have a show in front of a live audience. The Canadian Bulldog was
sucking so much wind the front row would have passed out due to oxygen
derivation just before the Scott Taylor recap. Is a plug all you need to
get on this show? Shit if that was true I could have provided you guys with
enough promotional Brazzers codes that Atom Dan would have ejaculated his
crooked dick to dust. Brazzers.com , where the only thing more enhanced
than our talent is the customer service and discounts!
Speaking of porn, it’s a shame you skipped out on the Divas match from the
PPV Andy. I mean, I know you are not a fan of female wrestling. But I know
you are a fan a some hot lezzing. Because in the midst of a bullshit Divas
match, for some odd reason Kaitlyn and Layla decided to munch the fuck out
of each others carpet. Think I’m lying? Take a look.
That’s B-R-A-Z-Z-E-R-S.com
Do we have a tag team division ready to go yet? No? Well than Andy and
Chris please form the teams RIGHT NOW! Let's just get it out of the way.
(waits for Andy and Chris)
Thanks guys.
Well sorry Andy it’s time to get to a quick question. But no worries, check
your inbox. I left you some stuff to look at while the grown-ups have a
conversation. Have fun.
(((Let Chris read the rest)))
Ok, I think he’s good. How are you Chris? Uh, I’m fine thanks King. I just
wanted your thoughts on a couple of things since you enjoy the questions.
Question One: The Pipe dream of the WWE Network. It seems The WWE Network
will be a "premium subscription model" released through all the regular
platforms. So perhaps this may work like HBO. The question is, why are they
still going through with this stupid idea and how much are you willing to
pay if you have to change cable or satellite programs? Will you give up
wrestling altogether or just illegally stream everything? Take your time
while Andy Manning giggles.
And that's it for this week. No matter how high or low my emails get. No
matter how hard I fall. I will win the belt back. I'll be back. Take care
guys.
Love Peace and Penis Grease
Johnny.
Stu Little
Och Hell Naw!
*an inconspicuous car pulls up outside of JB King's house*
*The driver sticks his head out of the window, holding a gun*
Stu: YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG SCOTSMAN WHEN YOU TRIED TO RAP ON THIS SHOW, BITCH!!
*multiple gunshot sounds*
Stu: SCOTT LAND, MOTHERFUCKER!!
*Stu drives off*
