[Andy]

Cam Gullett

I have never given Scott the credit he deserves for his TNA recap. I at
least enjoy NXT, but it is still taxing to take notes while watching
everything. You are a gem, Scott.

Here is a link to that R-truth injury. You're welcome for the awfulness
that this is.
t.co/hHZkbeCf

Anybody else think it was silly of The Shield to stop the powerbomb on Ric
Flair just because Ryback's music hit? I mean they had plenty of time to
destroy him and then just leave so that made them look a little dumb.

Speaking of The Shield, these guys have gotten rid of Orton, Rey Mysterio,
and Sin Cara now. Can we nominate these guys for Sainthood?

Skipping ahead a bit, I am cautiously predicting that Big E Langston stops
Cena from winning the Rumble leading us to get Punk vs Rock part two at
Mania. That or we get Punk vs Flair at Mania which I hope is not the case,
but if they have to give Flair one more match then Punk or Ziggler make the
most sense for sure.

Time for wrestlings questions. You're welcome Andy!

Does Wade Barrett care anymore?

When will WWE realize that there is absolutely zero gas left in the tank
for this Sheamus vs Big Show feud? It is making cautiously optimistic that
we will either see a Smackdown guy win the Rumble, or that Ziggler cashes
in at either Elimination Chamber or Wrestlemania for sure so that it would
at least explain why they haven't had anyone emerge as the next challenger
for the World Heavyweight title.

Looks like Undertaker is definitely coming back for Mania this year. I will
not waste my time wondering if they will end the streak because that shit
will probably never happen, but who would you guys like to see join the
ranks of the victims? The entire 3MB? Ryback? Big Show? Undertaker's own
heart?

Alright well I have probably asked too many questions already so I will now
retire back to my trailer where I have a watermelon, freezer, two sailors,
a shemale, and Vicki Guerrero all waiting for me to have sexy time!

Cam Gullett,
cohost of Kate Upton's Boobs: The Podcast & Army of Dorkness.


Papa Shango
The Mayan Curse!!!​

I warned you Alt!!! I shall now curse what you hold so dear...your
burritos!!!


And I shall sacrifice your most beloved possession, Cam Gullett!!!!


You have stepped in the Dark Circle. You will never survive.


Jon Drouin
Merry Christmas

Hello Chris and Andy.


Andy, please do everything you can to post this show as soon as possible, as I'd like to listen to it on Friday before the world ends.


Sorry to ask you a bunch of unfunny questions, but the rumor is Triple H vs Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania. I'm sure they'll make it work, but is there really anticipation for that rematch? Also, the assumed Lesnar match was Undertaker. So where would this leave Taker? Does he get whoever doesn't face The Rock - either Cena or Punk? And if so, isn't it odd that your top three matches on the card feature four part-timers and only two full-time workers?


Well, we now have a World Champion, Tag Team Champions, and an Intercontinental Champion. I'm just not funny enough to be a World Champion. And after my experiences in tag teams with Cam Gullet and Stu Little ended in disaster, I think it's best to avoid those belts. So I believe that the best thing for me to do is go after the Intercontinental Title. I'm going to win this thing, and make my mark. Ready?


I hear Fred Solomon is so short, he got stuck in his piggy bank. Punshouse.com! And he's a jerk.


Thanks guys. Merry Christmas.


Jon Drouin


Michael Hodge
Grand Slam

Hey, Chrandy.

King of the Ring, Heavyweight Champ, Tag Champ, and IC Champ. I guess that maks me the first ever Male Bag Grand Slam Champ. Until you invent more titles, that is. Assuming you haven't already done so before reading this.

Anyway, thanks. The Male Bag's a fun place. Glad to be a part of it.

So, I actually watched some wrestling this week. I streamed the Pee Pee Vee and caught 45 minutes or so of Raw. Any idea if that Shield guy who did the giant ladder/table spot at the end of the TLC match is still alive? He looked like he caught his head Spike Dudley style on one of those tables.

And what the fuck was the deal with the Boogeyman on Raw? Seemed like a complete waste of time. (Get it? Because he smashed a clock on his head?) Not that the rest of Raw that I saw wasn't a complete waste of time too, but the Boogeyman seemed a bit much. I guess I should be thankful they didn't use him in a tag match to bury an up and coming team like the Brooklyn Brawler did.

That's it for me this week.

Have fun. Play safe.

Your Grand Slam Champion,

~Hodgey


Stu Little
Awards Season


Howdy y'all!
That's right, I'm speaking American now, as ordered by the 3 Man Band, the team that 2/3 of which is an Indian-Canadian and a Scotsman. Makes sense. Belated congratulations to The Hardly Boyz for winning...well, not winning, being HANDED the Tag Team Championships, even though they were the first team to be eliminated in a vote, by ME. Yes, me, not my team. I wrote that piece on own. The Hardly Boyz. Hardly worth the effort of two people. So, since this farce rendered the whole exercise of the tournament and the very existence of the titles slightly more pointless, can I just be Tag Champions this week? I'm not challenging IHOP. I just want to be named champions, in recognition for...stuff. C'monnnnnn. Do it. I won't even put up a fight over them next week. Because we'll all be dead, probably.

Speaking of recognition, it was the Slammy Awards on Raw this week, and since MNF is nearly at it's one year anniversary, I figured I'd take the Slammy categories, tweak them where appropriate and list my picks to win them. I figure our version should be called The Cammy Awards, in honour of Mr. Cam Gullett. Because in addition to being the subject of more jokes than anyone else on this show, he's also accustomed to receiving long, cold, shiny metal objects, just not in his hands.

I'll do my best to keep it concise, since I know how much Chris hates it when I submit a "novel".



I apologise Chris, for making it so stressful for you to read out stuff other people took their time to write at your request, bro. Feel free to take another hit of coke if it helps you get through it.
Anyway, onto the Cammy Awards, 2012!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq4Rzza_vS4 play in background)

First up, it's The "TELL ME I Didn't Just Hear That" Award. which goes to...last week's episode of MNF, because I literally couldn't hear any of it over the sound of Chris tapping away at his keyboard about gun control. I hope you and Michael Moore are at least Facebook friends now because of it, dude.
*Waits for Chris' acceptance speech, but the music to play him off starts up 3 seconds into it*

Moving on, it's Comeback Of The Year. Which goes to...
Papa Shango! A welcome return to action with his e-mails this year. Unfortunately Papa Shango can't be here tonight, but he sent Zombie Cinnamon Gullett in his place to collect it on his behalf...though she appears to have wandered off in search of Tiger Woods to enact her revenge, so...moving on!

Kiss Of The Year. Uhhh...I dunno. I only posted the cover to Guantanamo Gay, I didn't watch the damn thing.

Next is the award that oddly came up only halfway through the categories- Superstar Of The Year


LOL Moment Of The Year- Vacant, as that would imply that any of us actually knew how to tell a good joke. Though as an aside, did anyone else see that one of the WWE Nominations for this was Randy Orton attacking a guy backstage and throwing scalding hot coffee over his defenceless friend, because y'know...he's a face!

Trending Now- More like...Bending Over Now To Take It Up The Butt, Amirite? This overused gag was a handy tool for those of us desperate to get a cheap laugh, without putting any real effort into things. God bless shortcuts!

Newcomer Of The Year- Technically we're all newcomers because this is still the first year of MNF, so...the same guy who won Superstar Of The Year I suppose.

And the final category, Match Of The Year, which was...Myself vs. Dignity when I started this Scottish Samurai bit. Dignity lost...

SPECIAL BONUS CATEGORIES THAT WWE NEVER BOTHERED WITH! ERMERGERD!

Diva Of The Year- James Enright, not just for his hissy fit that sparked the most one-sided feud ever, but also because I've seen the rider he demands for appearing on Wait Till Next Year. Bro, you don't need 4 tanker trucks of Dr. Pepper. The only Dr. Pepper you needs is one that's a cardiologist.

Tag Team Of The Year- Nicole Crawford's BOOOOBIIIES! Never seen them, but every time they're announced is a bright spot on this showm and I'm sure Andy enjoys giving them a hot tag if you know what I mean...because I don't. Of course, if WWE had done a tag team Slammy Award, I'd have given it to Phinneas I. Uso and Henry O. Uso.

Well that about wraps up the awards. Congratulations to all the winners, and thanks to everyone who contributed to a not entirely unbearable first year of MNF. If the world does end, I hope you all have a quick and painless death. If we somehow pull through however, have a great Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa or whatever JB King does at this time of year. Though Austin, I would advise you to not get too carried away singing "Fairtyale of New York". I know it's the only karaoke song that lets you get away with calling someone else a word that rhymes with maggot, but take it easy with the enthusiasm. Later,

Stu


James Ryan
Burrito Pants!

Hey MNFlerbs!

It's me, it's me, no, not DDP, it's me, the Golden Voice of the
Flawedcast Network who now works both sides of the Monday Night Flaw
Plate, James Ryan! I bring the funk, I bring the pain, I bring the
funny, and now I bring the Burrito!

A couple things. Happy Holidays to the both of you! Hopefully Santa
brings you all the things that were on your list this year and zero
pieces of coal in your stocking. LOLZ!

Here's my Christmas card this year, hope you guys like it.


I really can't believe I didn't win last week's Male Bag! Last time I
had check, which was the first time I checked, I was actually winning
by a couple of votes on Facebook. And then when the results were
read, I had actually decreased in votes. Oh drat! And I really wanted
to win again. But congrats to the champ, Dustin Faber. I found a
really sweet picture of Dustin when he was younger. (Inspect the
photo carefully...)


And speaking of champions, congrats to the lovable hockey fans from
IHOP. Though, I found a very unflattering poster of Solly and his
wild accusations that may actually strip IHOP of the tag titles.


I do love watermelon, but seriously Solly, bro, over the line. #SuperRacist

Now on for some fun. The tag team of Roman Polanski was doomed from
the start before it even stepped in the ring. Two emailers who had no
previous history of teaming up and with one who just decided to stop
emailing his countdown emails altogether. We were destined to win!
It was our destiny!!! Sometimes, however, destiny isn't in the cards.
So I was left, once again, looking like an asshole for seemingly
picking the wrong tag team partner for the 2nd time. So, I ask you
this simple question:



Merry Christmas,

James Ryan
The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network


Zombie Cinnamon Gullett

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicks.



ZCG


Austin Sanders
Did you know "She we​ars short skirts, I ​wear T-shirts, She's​ cheer captain and I​ am the Dark Lord Sa​tan." Yeah, Cold har​d facts.​

WELCOME TO THE MALEBAG! Where the points don't matter and, according
to Mike Huckabee, neither do the children.

I can't make this a long one this week (Put your penis away Cam)
because of reasons. BUT what I CAN give you is this. EVIDENCE.
Your new tag team champions, the Shitheads, are skipping around and
feeling good about themselves despite the fact they'll die alone one
way or another. They are more powerful than The Mega Powers, Macho Man
and Hulk Hogan. Faster than the Hardyz, Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy.
More Wild than DX, HHH and HBK. And more destructive than the Brothers
of Destruction, James Holmes and Adam Lanza.

But with all of their charisma, one fact remains.Team IHOP are NOT
ELIGIBLE to be tag team champions. Let me explain, and if you already
left this email because of the Brothers of Destruction joke, congrats.
There might be a place in heaven for you.
With all of my intense research for this bit, I hacked many of Freds
and Hodges personal accounts. These accounts consist of Facebook,
Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, XXXmooses, Cash4Gold, and
WhereBlackPeopleMeet. And what I found was simply astounding. Other
than their Facebook pages, I found only one profile pic from both of
them. THEY ARE NOT WHO THEY CLAIM TO BE. THEY ARE NOT HUMAN. THEY ARE
NOT TAG CHAMPIONS. THEY ARE...







A pile of tires.



Andy: I'm so sorry IHOP. You can no longer be the tag champs.

Fred: Oh geez, why?

Andy:Well....it's just.....you're tires.

Hodge:What do you mean?

Andy: It's exactly what I said. YOU'RE TIRES. And quite frankly.....I
don't...I don't even know how we're having this conversation. I don't
even know what else to say.

Fred: Come on man, don't do this.

Andy: Number 1. I'm baffled that there are Jewish
tires...so...like...that's new. and number 2. I just don't think.....I
mean.....tires? really?

Hodge: What if you just forget all about this. Can we be tag champs then?

Andy:uhh....mmmm...No.....nono....I don't think I could forget about
you 2 being tires.

Fred: What if-

Andy: I'm just gonna stop you right there. NURSE, I need some help.

Nurse: Help with what.

Andy: Tires.

ANDDDDD scene.

XOXOXOXOXOXO
Merry Christmas!
Fuck you Fred.

PS. I wanted to do a Christmas story for this email but couldn't due to time.
PPS.I have strong hopes for the stable of AJ, Ziggler and Niggler.
PPPS. And with this, the most offensive email to date.




Dustin Faber
No asterisks for me!​

Greetings MNF! I see that I am now a seven-time champion, and I don't have
any asterisks next to my name, unlike some cheating bastards that call
themselves "King."

On to the show!

Recently I sat down. I stood up, then sat back down again. DEFIANCE!!! I
sit and stand for no man! Oh, I have a wrestling question for you. Which
will happen first, a tag-team main event at Wrestlemania, or a women
wrestling in the main event at Wrestlemania?

If the fetus you fight to save wrestles for TNA, will you still love it
anyways?

I was thinking about the Hobbitt, and how it relates to professional
wrestling. It doesn't, but if it did, what wrestler could you see playing a
hot, sweaty, naked Kate Upton? Oh, she's not in the movie? Screw that then.

FLAWEDCAST!

When I was a child, I got braces. When the braces were put on, Bret Hart
was your current WWE champion, in the eleventh month of the year of our
Lord, 1995. When they were removed, Vince McMahon vacated the WWE title in
September 1999. How did my orthodontal work have an effect on the WWE, and
did my losing the retainer in the summer of 2001 have any effect on Austin
losing the belt to Kurt Angle?

Speaking of Angle, who do you think is going to win the PBA Viper
Championship this Sunday at 1 p.m. ET on ESPN? Mika Koivuniemi is two-time
player of the year, but look at Mike Fagan's hair! I would pinch my
nipples, present company be damned, if i could run my fingers through those
glorious locks.




In closing, I have a few other things I'd like to say before I die. Today
is the day the Mayans said, "We're gonna diddle you!" Well, they didn't say
that SPECIFICALLY, but it was heavily implied. Anyways, it got me thinking
about my last wishes. And with it being Christmas in a few days, I have a
request.


Andy, I need something from you. I never ask you for anything, and in the
spirit of the Holidays, I hope you will grant me this one last request
before Chris Alt dies. One of America's greatest minds, DMX, has said many
wonderful things. You on the other hand, Mr. Gaston, have said many
wonderful things as well, but the importance of them is amplified greatly
when you speak as America's most beloved national treasure, Gallagher. So
could you please recite these words from DMX as Gallagher. It would mean so
much to me, Christopher, and all the children who love MNF.


*Uh, Yeah don't get it twisted
This rap shit, is mine
Motherfucker, it's not, a fucking, game
Fuck what you heard
It's what you hearin
It's what you hearin (Listen)
It's what you hearin (Listen)
It's what you hearin (Listen)

[Verse 1]
X gon give it to ya
Fuck wait for you to get it on your own
X gon deliver to ya
Knock knock, open up the door, it's real
Wit the non-stop, pop pop and stainless steel
Go hard gettin busy wit it
But I got such a good heart
I'll make a motherfucker wonder if he did it
Damn right and I'll do it again
Cuz I am right so I gots to win
Break bread wit the enemy
But no matter how many cats I break bread wit
I'll break who you sendin me
You motherfucker never wanted nothin
But your life said, that's for the light day
I'm gettin down, down
Make it say freeze
But won't be the one endin up on his knees (Whoo)
Please, If the only thing you cats did is come out to play
Stay out my way, motherfucker*


In closing, I want to tell you all Merry Christmas. And compose a riddle
for you. What did the blind man say to his dog?


I hope J.B. King is dead.


Dustin Faber