MNF 57/Male Bag 40
Feb 2, 2013 18:28:56 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Feb 2, 2013 18:28:56 GMT -5
Check out MNF 57 and Male Bag 40 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then get your stupid ass back here and vote!!!
Stu Little
Where's The Beef?
The Beef is HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Done.
"Beef" Stu Little
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Stu Little
Oh wait, I'm not done[/img]
Hey again, guys. Of course I have more to say. Eighteen Times. Am I unstoppable or what? I am beloved. I have the popular vote, I have the Drew Vote, I have Andy's Dog's vote, and I even have the love of the howler monkeys. Oh wait, that's just Chris' laugh. Moving on, and for once I'll actually talk a little about wrestling!
Sunday night wasn't just the Royal Rumble, but it was local promotion Insane Championship Wrestling's take on it, the Second Annual Square Go. A really fun undercard followed by a great battle royale main even with lots of surprises and an unexpected winner in one Mikey Whiplash, who looks like this:
So that was a thing.
But what of The Royal Rumble itself, you may ask? Well I'm glad you did.
I pretty much agree with you two on them having a fun bunch of matches on the undercard, which this year included the ACTUAL Royal Rumble for some retarded reason. Also, if you were wondering why I didn't make MY promised appearance it was because no one told me about the rescheduling, and I arrived at the arena too late for the number draw, so long story short, Chris Jericho had to fill in for me. Son of a Bitch. At least MY chest doesn't somehow manage to look both well toned AND caved in at the same time. Is he made of plastic or something, and someone just pushed their thumb down on his torso?
Anyway, it was a decent Rumble with some fun spots and a few guest entrances, though not as many as some of us would have liked. I'm referring of course to how among other people, Shelton Benjamin was a rumoured participant, but sadly that didn't happen
It was nice of them to let Dolph stay in for so long, but couldn't they have at least kept him as one of the final two? The tension went all out of the match when he was eliminated.
I enjoyed the main event and I don't have a problem with the Rock winning in itself, rather than the future implications of that. I don't see what the big deal is in ending with the People's Elbow is. It's a finisher in a world where The Cobra is a devastating movie, only in this case, goofy set up or no, at the end of the day, it's still a guy with massive arms driving his elbow into your chest. Go to your local gym and get a guy who lifts to do that to you and tell me you're not going to be gasping for breath. And while I'm on the subject, The Worm is another example of an underrated finish. Silly set up, but it culminates in a FALLING CHOP TO THE THROAT. Scotty 2 Hotty's lucky he hasn't killed anyone with that yet.
Anyway, that's my thoughts for this week, but before I go, I want to say something to Chris. I may have joked about it above, but your reaction to my e-mail last week was phenomenal. You sold that thing like a million bucks, and that's why I officially dub you the Dolph Ziggler of Monday Night Flaw!
Later,
Stu
Cam Gullett
Royal Fucking Rumble!! My favorite PPV of the year. Where there are fun surprises, unexpected returns, and big debuts for fresh faces.
This year we were surprised by Godfather and Goldust, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio returning, and BRO Dallas getting to look good in his first Rumble match by eliminating Wade Barrett. We had a tag team match where it would have made perfect sense to move the belts, but apparently fuck that noise. We were treated to a very original ending for the last man standing match between Del Rio and Big Show, unless you remember Extreme Rules 2010 where John Cena did the same thing to Batista, except he used the ring post rather than a rope. Also at that ppv we got to see Shad vs JTG in a strap match because that is as close as Vince could get to having a legal mandingo fight.
Also there was that moment where the Rock beat the reigning champion of 434 goddamn days with a fucking people's elbow! Not five of them; nope just the one. Fucking bunch of cockknockers. I hate everything about this shit. The Rock winning is fine, but a people's elbow is the worst possible way to finish a match outside of Hogan's dumbass retarded leg drop.
Onto Raw now! Angry Punk is just the best thing ever. I love that he wasn't wearing any of his merch and that he threw a huge tantrum without ever really seeming over the top. Vince coming out to say that he will review Heyman's job which would make sense had they not always implied that Heyman worked directly for Punk and Lesnar, but fuck me for using logic.
Ryback vs Primetime Players in a joke contest was pretty lame, but it was interesting to see that Darren Young bailed on Titus O'neil so quickly that I had to google whether or not Titus is secretly Darren's son.
BRO Dallas needs new music. I said this while he was in NXT and I won't stop saying it until they get rid of that second rate James Storm music.
Cena vs Cody was cool for what it was I guess, but fuck Cena for that dumb as shit promo afterwards. Can we just confirm that Cena is doing Austin Sanders' acid at this point? Oh and way to make the World Heavyweight title and its holder, Alberto Del Rio look like some fucking piece of shit wetback that you could easily beat the shit out of, but lord knows there is no possible way that you could beat Punk or Rock.
The SHIELD attack afterwards alluded to what I think we end up getting as an elimination chamber match. That's right I say we just go full on Wargames and put the SHIELD vs Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback. The only downside to this is that the SHIELD would never fucking win, but it would still rule as a match and would at least have some rationale as to why it needed to be in an Elimination Chamber.
Rock putting over how important the title is to him was pretty cool to hear and Punk continuing his insistence that he was the one granting Rock the rematch was hilarious.
Sheamus and Sandow work really well together and I could easily see that being a title feud down the line.
Zack Ryder and Khali in a karaoke challenge was so fucking horrible that I actually popped for 3MB's music. That is how a person knows that a segment is abysmal.
The idea of Jericho vs Ziggler makes me legitimately tumescent.
Trish going into the Hall of Fame also makes me legitimately tumescent.
Paul Heyman is a goddamn saint and he was perfect in his segment against Vince. The SHIELD video with Beefcake Maddox was well done and I guess that it finally answers the question of whether or not they are all working together.
Lesnar's return was expected after news of his two-year contract was announced earlier in the day, but Vince taking an F5 was somewhat unexpected. I honestly wondered whether or not Vince had shit himself. I still do. Can't for Hunter to show up and avenge the guy that he used to also beat the shit out of! Yay!
Cam Gullett
Michael Demko
Male bag shenanigans
Hey guys,
Long time, no talk. Figured I'd come in and say a quick something about the title match at the Rumble. I couldn't have possibly been the only one bothered by that finish, right? I mean, a 400+ day title run is completely ruined by the People's Fucking Elbow? That's some horseshit. I don't think I would have had as much of a problem with it if Rocky had won the match with a Rock Bottom or two. I keep hoping that the WWE knows what they're doing, but after a finish like that, it's hard to keep the faith, my brothers... O TESTIFY!
On to Martha Hart and the Hall of Fame. I mean seriously, why hasn't she allowed Owen to be inducted yet? It's not like chances to get into the Hall of Fame fall out of the sky, am I right?
Austin Sanders is a racist motherfucker - I haven't seen a race this abused since the Tour de France, 2005. *rimshot*
As far as why I haven't emailed the male bag recently.. the competition has gotten just too good. Between Stu, Jon Drouin, Cliff Snotes and everyone else in the Male Bag, it's just too tough to compete with such great minds (and JB King). Michael Hodge, Bartow Hodge... I haven't seen this many Hodgeys since the Johnny Quest cosplay convention I attended last year. What chance does a poor simple podcast host have amongst these Titans of the Male Bag?
It was really nice hearing Thai on Monday Night flaw this week. I'm glad to hear that he and his band are having such a great success. I've always like Thai... especially when they deliver. HEYOOOOO!
Since the questions were asked, I'm happy to answer. First question was: do they make corsets small enough to fit a fetus? I've consulted with my co-host, Brian V. Analstyne, and he says no, but they DO make them in toddler sizes. Second question: can you pull off duct tape with one hand? As long as that hand isn't cuffed to the wall, then yes. And just remember, everyone... Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. And of course, "Ow! Shit! Motherfucker, that hurts!" is not a safe word. (The More You Know sound should drop in here)
Thanks to you guys, as always, for all the free funny week after week. You and Chris (or James, or Bartow... or Roper... or me...) are always a bright spot in my week. Remember, of course, to check out TV for Vendetta and Demko's Dungeon, both with new episodes coming out this weekend (a double dose of Dev and Demko? Is it Christmas again already?!)
I'll hang up now and listen...
Michael Demko
Co-host of TV for Vendetta
Master of Demko's Dungeon
p.s. - Chris, I was Future Andy Gaston. The bit is dead now, and unless everyone else told you, you were the last to not know. Congrats.
Adam Dan
DONKEY TIME!!
Finally... Adam Dan... HAS COME BACK... to the Malebag!!! I actually watched The Rumble and the Hulu 90-minute condensed version of RAW, so I may be at least somewhat intelligible.
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Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's DONKEY TIME!!! Being from Florida, we enjoy all forms of ass-related activity (calm down, Cam), and I surely enjoyed the fan with the "DONKEY TIME!!" sign at RAW. That reminds me: I need to hit up the train yard and see if I can procure some more batteries.
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ERMAHGERD! THRAH KERNT!!!
3 Count vs. 3MB... who ya got?
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Accidental Shootings Rattle Gun Show-Goers
Six people were reportedly injured in firearm accidents at gun shows this past week.
A gun dealer from Iowa became the sixth person injured after he accidentally shot himself in the hand Friday at the Iowa State Fairgrounds. The man was testing what he thought was an unloaded pistol, only to find too late that there was a round in the chamber.
The unintentional shooting was the last in a spate of injuries that began Jan. 19, during the first annual Gun Appreciation Day. Coordinated ahead of President Obama's Inauguration, the event was supposed to be a protest of new gun control measures. But the prevalence of accidents may have diluted the day's anti-legislation theme.
In the aftermath of the first five injuries, New Jersey's Star-Ledger ran an editorial entitled, "Bloody 'Gun Appreciation Day' shows value of gun control."
"During the first-ever Gun Appreciation Day... which was meant to make us all feel more appreciative of guns, we had three accidental shootings at different gun shows. Five people were struck — and that was just at the gun shows," according to the editorial.
Here's what happened at the three gun show incidents on Jan. 19.
In Raleigh, N.C., Gary Lynn Wilson, 36, was attempting to enter the Dixie Gun and Knife Show at the N.C. State Fairgrounds, when his 12-gauge shotgun accidentally went off at a check-in booth. The gun's pellets hit three people nearby, including a retired sheriff's deputy, all of whom were taken to the hospital with non-critical injuries.
In a separate incident that day, an Ohio exhibitor shot his partner when a gun he was checking fired.
Out in Arkansas, glorified waiter Cam Gullet, 25, was basted by 14 cum-shots to the face and neck.
And in Indianapolis, Ind., a man leaving the Indy 1500 Gun and Knife show shot himself in the hand while attempting to load his .45 caliber semi-automatic gun.
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Thai Dao vs. Thai hookers... who ya got?
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How can you be so sure that it's Ricardo Rodriguez under the mask of "El Low-Cal". We can't. That's the point of the mask. It's like Schrodinger's cat. Until he's unmasked, there's no way to know for sure. I'll tell you who is definitely NOT "El Low-Cal", though: James Enright. He knows nothing about eating low-calorie foods, because he's fucking FAT. Not just fat. Fucking FAT. What a fat fucking fat-fuck. I hope he gets cancer so he can lose some weight.
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ERMAHGERD! WER TER JER!!!
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Lesnar really needs to stop doing his stupid little side-to-side hoppy thing when it's not directly preceding an actual match. It looks lame and stupid, Brock. You look like you had a hanger when taking a dump and forgot to wipe it, so now you're trying to shake it off. Please stop.
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Speaking of wiping issues, Dustin Faber is not a fan of Jager Bombs. That disdain does not apply types of bombs, though. #BanCoatHangers
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Well, that does it for me, kiddies. As always: stay safe, drive safe, play safe, fuck safe.
And Peace... The Fuck... OUT!!!
-Adam Dad™ (Team Fred)
Jon Drouin
Hi Andy. Hi Chris.
Sorry about the attachment. Please don't be upset with me.
OMG OMG OMG
A celebrity on MNF! Wow!
But shouldn’t Thai Dao have pandered to us more? I don’t know, maybe brought one of those giant t-shirt guns with him on your show, to give away swag to the audience? Or, put up a CD or an autographed poster of the band to an emailer who wins an otherwise useless contest?
By the way Thai, I noticed that www.TheSlants.com is sorely lacking band photos on your website. By lucky coincidence, I have set up photo shoots of other bands. Because I’m a big fan of Asian men, I’ll be happy to snap some photos of your band the next time you pass through Michigan!
Here’s a sampling of my work. As you’ll see, I specialize in making bands look like a bunch of bad asses. By the way Andy and Chris, most of these bands have made it big, probably because of my awesome work.
And finally… wait a minute…. the guy on the bottom looks awfully familiar….
Thanks
Jon Drouin
P.S. Creepy: I am sorry that I picked on you for not being able to read. Adult illiteracy is a serious problem and shouldn’t be joked about. So I’ll keep submitting pictures in my emails so you can feel included and part of the group. I think it’s our job on the flawedcast network to be inclusive to the losers in society.
P.P.S. No really. There is a big announcement coming. It’s just the damn lawyers delaying things. This isn’t a bit that starts and never goes anywhere, like a limo blowing up with Vince McMahon in it, or a countdown from BVA. Next week. I hope.
P.P.P.S. Do you even lift, bro?
Cliff Snotes
EPISODE SEVEN
WELCOME TO: ROYAL RUMBLE! IS! JERICHO!
So Andy, I’m curious what you’re going to do with my theme music. You’ve been running with the old Orton theme music, which is fine, but with Jericho’s return, it certainly would be appropriate to return to the Y2J theme. Or, of course, you could run with the joke we discussed last week. Remember “Sittin on the Dock of the Bay?” So which will it be?
Oh wait – you’re probably just going to give everyone Skrillex themes this week. Nevermind.
Chris Jericho and Vickie Guerrero awkwardly aligned on Raw to piss off Dolph Ziggler. Well fuck. Now I have to co-ordinate something with Jim Enright.
The good news is that this might be pointing towards a Ziggler-Jericho Wrestlemania feud. I was worried that Ziggler would be an afterthought or thrown into something weird for WrestleMania, but this certainly works as the potential “show stealer”.
Speaking of awkward couples – Hey! Army of Dorkness! The latest episode featured James Ryan, but interestingly, not Cam Gullett. My spies have informed me that it was not because Cam was on assignment. No, this is a lover’s quarrel. James, I know you’re uncomfortable with Cam’s man-crush on you, and I know that Cam’s concept of a “Friendship Ring” is a little out there, but really, these look pretty cool. You should be honored. Just suck it up, and accept Cam’s gift:
Look, just put the ring on while you are recording, and then remove it when you’re done. Is that so hard?
*I* am your Father.
I am Cliff Snotes.
Chaz Cruz
Fine! I'll Email Your Show!
Dear "Big Mouth Billy Bass" Andy Gaston and "Fabulous Rainbow Lion" Chris Alt,
How do you guys do it? 9 hours of wrestling, who knows how much other sports and crap- plus all the time it takes to record multiple podcasts and edit them down?
Do your families miss you?
I'm about to go to a happy and gay happy hour party, so I can't sit here for long and craft some magical verbal cleverness, so instead, I'll throw out some quick, random things:
- The reason the Miz sucks as a face is because I'd be willing to bet he's REALLY annoying in real life. Like a hyper-active smart kid who nevertheless talks endless shit on Xbox Live playing Call of Duty: Black Guys... or whatever that one's called.
- If I was going to introduce someone to wrestling in an attempt to get them into it, I'd show them the first triple threat between Daniels, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe. What matches would you go with? I may be facing this scenario at some point with my guy.
- Last, your trivia games like naming every Rumble winner or Undertaker Wrestlemania opponent are too easy. Here's a challenge for both you guys: Name seven active Divas on the WWE roster.
Good luck! Keep doing what you're doing.
PS: I like the dubstep on the shows. You're so cutting edge, they should call you Adam Copeland's taint razor.
Peace,
Chaz
Bartow Florida
Royal Rumbled
Now, to stick to my pattern, since I had my crazy homo dinosaur e-mails last week, let's talk about some wrasslin'.
Meh. That's what that Royal Rumble made me feel like, just meh. Jericho was nice but Andy pretty much ruined that surprise with his precious "logic", and I always love Goldust but those two being your only surprises is kind of weak. I'm not counting Godfather because I don't count humor spots. So that was meh. The wrestling was OK but besides the rumble (and even IN in the rumble) it was a bunch of matches we'd seen before, with predictable outcomes. So the wrestling was meh. And the Rock holding the title? How many times do you think he's gonna defend that on Smackdown before Wrestlemania? So we get a few months of title non-contention and get to enjoy him cutting more "biotch" promos. So the story progression was meh. It was meh-tastic.
So while we will hear the words "Do you smell..." more times in the next two months than times Stu Little gets aroused by the sight of his own hand in a day, I imagine very little will happen with anything besides the Heavyweight title. Hopefully something happens with this Kane/Bryan feud reigniting or that tag championship is gonna get more stale than the smell in JB King's cave. So pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to in the next few months is them bringing up Paige from NXT, because I'd like to throw more balls her way than are used in a basketball game. WHITE MEN CAN'T PODCAST!!!!! ON FLAWEDCAST PRESENTS NOW!!!! PLUG IT, BITCH!!!!!
Sincerely,
Bartow Florida
Austin Sanders
Butt sex is like spinach; If you're force to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.
I hate doing this to you wiggers again (Awesome idea to be racist to whites this week Andy.) , but I can't find time to make another full length email. But I do have one wrestling related question. So The Rock was victorious by finally taking the white man down and becoming the WWE champion. However I do believe CM Punk deserved the title a bit longer especially given he's a no good land owner like all pasty colored men are. I think it's safe to say we all sighed at the thought of Rock being champion. I was all ready to shit all over WWE for this bad decision but then I took a gander at this weeks RAW ratings. a 3.8 which is one of the highest numbers they had in years. So maybe the WWE knew exactly what they were doing and I think sometimes we underestimate their decision making. It was one of the few times as a wrestling fan I felt the WWE legitimately won over the IWC. So my question is, how can we stop these filthy whites from overpopulating the local Ambercrombie and Fitch store next to my work? Amercrombie and Fitch? More like Ambercrombie and Bitch.
XOXOXOXOXO
I hate my job.
PS.
PPS I'm sure Chris can relate to this
PPPS Dustin Faber has a new favorute game show.
James Ryan
No Time for this!
Ladies and Gentlemen, and Chris,
Hello Flerbs!! It's me, the Golden Solo Voice of the Flawedcast
Network! James Ryan! I literally ain't got no time for this email!!
I'm still at work with at least one and a half more hours to go on
this Friday evening! So I'll just do a quick show and tell segment...
With this whole GodCast that was recorded and how Dustin Faber is all
"Team Jesus", I wanted to lend a hand. I found a book for any of you
Male Baggers if you wanted to get closer to the Lord.
Meanwhile, in Nigeria!
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I wanted to share the
Valentines that I'm going to pass out to everyone here at the
Flawedcast Network!
On RAW, the Prime Time Players tried to jump on the bandwagon (how
typical), of the "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That" train. Oh, gotta
love those Mondays! I kid! But seriously, I may have found something
you do have time for...
Well, that's all I got time for! Listen to the Man with a Golden
Voice and hope everyone does what the picture below says.
James
Stu Little
Where's The Beef?
The Beef is HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Done.
"Beef" Stu Little
Oh wait, I'm not done[/img]
Hey again, guys. Of course I have more to say. Eighteen Times. Am I unstoppable or what? I am beloved. I have the popular vote, I have the Drew Vote, I have Andy's Dog's vote, and I even have the love of the howler monkeys. Oh wait, that's just Chris' laugh. Moving on, and for once I'll actually talk a little about wrestling!
Sunday night wasn't just the Royal Rumble, but it was local promotion Insane Championship Wrestling's take on it, the Second Annual Square Go. A really fun undercard followed by a great battle royale main even with lots of surprises and an unexpected winner in one Mikey Whiplash, who looks like this:
So that was a thing.
But what of The Royal Rumble itself, you may ask? Well I'm glad you did.
I pretty much agree with you two on them having a fun bunch of matches on the undercard, which this year included the ACTUAL Royal Rumble for some retarded reason. Also, if you were wondering why I didn't make MY promised appearance it was because no one told me about the rescheduling, and I arrived at the arena too late for the number draw, so long story short, Chris Jericho had to fill in for me. Son of a Bitch. At least MY chest doesn't somehow manage to look both well toned AND caved in at the same time. Is he made of plastic or something, and someone just pushed their thumb down on his torso?
Anyway, it was a decent Rumble with some fun spots and a few guest entrances, though not as many as some of us would have liked. I'm referring of course to how among other people, Shelton Benjamin was a rumoured participant, but sadly that didn't happen
It was nice of them to let Dolph stay in for so long, but couldn't they have at least kept him as one of the final two? The tension went all out of the match when he was eliminated.
I enjoyed the main event and I don't have a problem with the Rock winning in itself, rather than the future implications of that. I don't see what the big deal is in ending with the People's Elbow is. It's a finisher in a world where The Cobra is a devastating movie, only in this case, goofy set up or no, at the end of the day, it's still a guy with massive arms driving his elbow into your chest. Go to your local gym and get a guy who lifts to do that to you and tell me you're not going to be gasping for breath. And while I'm on the subject, The Worm is another example of an underrated finish. Silly set up, but it culminates in a FALLING CHOP TO THE THROAT. Scotty 2 Hotty's lucky he hasn't killed anyone with that yet.
Anyway, that's my thoughts for this week, but before I go, I want to say something to Chris. I may have joked about it above, but your reaction to my e-mail last week was phenomenal. You sold that thing like a million bucks, and that's why I officially dub you the Dolph Ziggler of Monday Night Flaw!
Later,
Stu
Cam Gullett
Royal Fucking Rumble!! My favorite PPV of the year. Where there are fun surprises, unexpected returns, and big debuts for fresh faces.
This year we were surprised by Godfather and Goldust, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio returning, and BRO Dallas getting to look good in his first Rumble match by eliminating Wade Barrett. We had a tag team match where it would have made perfect sense to move the belts, but apparently fuck that noise. We were treated to a very original ending for the last man standing match between Del Rio and Big Show, unless you remember Extreme Rules 2010 where John Cena did the same thing to Batista, except he used the ring post rather than a rope. Also at that ppv we got to see Shad vs JTG in a strap match because that is as close as Vince could get to having a legal mandingo fight.
Also there was that moment where the Rock beat the reigning champion of 434 goddamn days with a fucking people's elbow! Not five of them; nope just the one. Fucking bunch of cockknockers. I hate everything about this shit. The Rock winning is fine, but a people's elbow is the worst possible way to finish a match outside of Hogan's dumbass retarded leg drop.
Onto Raw now! Angry Punk is just the best thing ever. I love that he wasn't wearing any of his merch and that he threw a huge tantrum without ever really seeming over the top. Vince coming out to say that he will review Heyman's job which would make sense had they not always implied that Heyman worked directly for Punk and Lesnar, but fuck me for using logic.
Ryback vs Primetime Players in a joke contest was pretty lame, but it was interesting to see that Darren Young bailed on Titus O'neil so quickly that I had to google whether or not Titus is secretly Darren's son.
BRO Dallas needs new music. I said this while he was in NXT and I won't stop saying it until they get rid of that second rate James Storm music.
Cena vs Cody was cool for what it was I guess, but fuck Cena for that dumb as shit promo afterwards. Can we just confirm that Cena is doing Austin Sanders' acid at this point? Oh and way to make the World Heavyweight title and its holder, Alberto Del Rio look like some fucking piece of shit wetback that you could easily beat the shit out of, but lord knows there is no possible way that you could beat Punk or Rock.
The SHIELD attack afterwards alluded to what I think we end up getting as an elimination chamber match. That's right I say we just go full on Wargames and put the SHIELD vs Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback. The only downside to this is that the SHIELD would never fucking win, but it would still rule as a match and would at least have some rationale as to why it needed to be in an Elimination Chamber.
Rock putting over how important the title is to him was pretty cool to hear and Punk continuing his insistence that he was the one granting Rock the rematch was hilarious.
Sheamus and Sandow work really well together and I could easily see that being a title feud down the line.
Zack Ryder and Khali in a karaoke challenge was so fucking horrible that I actually popped for 3MB's music. That is how a person knows that a segment is abysmal.
The idea of Jericho vs Ziggler makes me legitimately tumescent.
Trish going into the Hall of Fame also makes me legitimately tumescent.
Paul Heyman is a goddamn saint and he was perfect in his segment against Vince. The SHIELD video with Beefcake Maddox was well done and I guess that it finally answers the question of whether or not they are all working together.
Lesnar's return was expected after news of his two-year contract was announced earlier in the day, but Vince taking an F5 was somewhat unexpected. I honestly wondered whether or not Vince had shit himself. I still do. Can't for Hunter to show up and avenge the guy that he used to also beat the shit out of! Yay!
Cam Gullett
Michael Demko
Male bag shenanigans
Hey guys,
Long time, no talk. Figured I'd come in and say a quick something about the title match at the Rumble. I couldn't have possibly been the only one bothered by that finish, right? I mean, a 400+ day title run is completely ruined by the People's Fucking Elbow? That's some horseshit. I don't think I would have had as much of a problem with it if Rocky had won the match with a Rock Bottom or two. I keep hoping that the WWE knows what they're doing, but after a finish like that, it's hard to keep the faith, my brothers... O TESTIFY!
On to Martha Hart and the Hall of Fame. I mean seriously, why hasn't she allowed Owen to be inducted yet? It's not like chances to get into the Hall of Fame fall out of the sky, am I right?
Austin Sanders is a racist motherfucker - I haven't seen a race this abused since the Tour de France, 2005. *rimshot*
As far as why I haven't emailed the male bag recently.. the competition has gotten just too good. Between Stu, Jon Drouin, Cliff Snotes and everyone else in the Male Bag, it's just too tough to compete with such great minds (and JB King). Michael Hodge, Bartow Hodge... I haven't seen this many Hodgeys since the Johnny Quest cosplay convention I attended last year. What chance does a poor simple podcast host have amongst these Titans of the Male Bag?
It was really nice hearing Thai on Monday Night flaw this week. I'm glad to hear that he and his band are having such a great success. I've always like Thai... especially when they deliver. HEYOOOOO!
Since the questions were asked, I'm happy to answer. First question was: do they make corsets small enough to fit a fetus? I've consulted with my co-host, Brian V. Analstyne, and he says no, but they DO make them in toddler sizes. Second question: can you pull off duct tape with one hand? As long as that hand isn't cuffed to the wall, then yes. And just remember, everyone... Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. And of course, "Ow! Shit! Motherfucker, that hurts!" is not a safe word. (The More You Know sound should drop in here)
Thanks to you guys, as always, for all the free funny week after week. You and Chris (or James, or Bartow... or Roper... or me...) are always a bright spot in my week. Remember, of course, to check out TV for Vendetta and Demko's Dungeon, both with new episodes coming out this weekend (a double dose of Dev and Demko? Is it Christmas again already?!)
I'll hang up now and listen...
Michael Demko
Co-host of TV for Vendetta
Master of Demko's Dungeon
p.s. - Chris, I was Future Andy Gaston. The bit is dead now, and unless everyone else told you, you were the last to not know. Congrats.
Adam Dan
DONKEY TIME!!
Finally... Adam Dan... HAS COME BACK... to the Malebag!!! I actually watched The Rumble and the Hulu 90-minute condensed version of RAW, so I may be at least somewhat intelligible.
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Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's DONKEY TIME!!! Being from Florida, we enjoy all forms of ass-related activity (calm down, Cam), and I surely enjoyed the fan with the "DONKEY TIME!!" sign at RAW. That reminds me: I need to hit up the train yard and see if I can procure some more batteries.
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ERMAHGERD! THRAH KERNT!!!
3 Count vs. 3MB... who ya got?
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Accidental Shootings Rattle Gun Show-Goers
Six people were reportedly injured in firearm accidents at gun shows this past week.
A gun dealer from Iowa became the sixth person injured after he accidentally shot himself in the hand Friday at the Iowa State Fairgrounds. The man was testing what he thought was an unloaded pistol, only to find too late that there was a round in the chamber.
The unintentional shooting was the last in a spate of injuries that began Jan. 19, during the first annual Gun Appreciation Day. Coordinated ahead of President Obama's Inauguration, the event was supposed to be a protest of new gun control measures. But the prevalence of accidents may have diluted the day's anti-legislation theme.
In the aftermath of the first five injuries, New Jersey's Star-Ledger ran an editorial entitled, "Bloody 'Gun Appreciation Day' shows value of gun control."
"During the first-ever Gun Appreciation Day... which was meant to make us all feel more appreciative of guns, we had three accidental shootings at different gun shows. Five people were struck — and that was just at the gun shows," according to the editorial.
Here's what happened at the three gun show incidents on Jan. 19.
In Raleigh, N.C., Gary Lynn Wilson, 36, was attempting to enter the Dixie Gun and Knife Show at the N.C. State Fairgrounds, when his 12-gauge shotgun accidentally went off at a check-in booth. The gun's pellets hit three people nearby, including a retired sheriff's deputy, all of whom were taken to the hospital with non-critical injuries.
In a separate incident that day, an Ohio exhibitor shot his partner when a gun he was checking fired.
Out in Arkansas, glorified waiter Cam Gullet, 25, was basted by 14 cum-shots to the face and neck.
And in Indianapolis, Ind., a man leaving the Indy 1500 Gun and Knife show shot himself in the hand while attempting to load his .45 caliber semi-automatic gun.
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Thai Dao vs. Thai hookers... who ya got?
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How can you be so sure that it's Ricardo Rodriguez under the mask of "El Low-Cal". We can't. That's the point of the mask. It's like Schrodinger's cat. Until he's unmasked, there's no way to know for sure. I'll tell you who is definitely NOT "El Low-Cal", though: James Enright. He knows nothing about eating low-calorie foods, because he's fucking FAT. Not just fat. Fucking FAT. What a fat fucking fat-fuck. I hope he gets cancer so he can lose some weight.
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ERMAHGERD! WER TER JER!!!
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Lesnar really needs to stop doing his stupid little side-to-side hoppy thing when it's not directly preceding an actual match. It looks lame and stupid, Brock. You look like you had a hanger when taking a dump and forgot to wipe it, so now you're trying to shake it off. Please stop.
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Speaking of wiping issues, Dustin Faber is not a fan of Jager Bombs. That disdain does not apply types of bombs, though. #BanCoatHangers
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Well, that does it for me, kiddies. As always: stay safe, drive safe, play safe, fuck safe.
And Peace... The Fuck... OUT!!!
-Adam Dad™ (Team Fred)
Jon Drouin
Hi Andy. Hi Chris.
Sorry about the attachment. Please don't be upset with me.
OMG OMG OMG
A celebrity on MNF! Wow!
But shouldn’t Thai Dao have pandered to us more? I don’t know, maybe brought one of those giant t-shirt guns with him on your show, to give away swag to the audience? Or, put up a CD or an autographed poster of the band to an emailer who wins an otherwise useless contest?
By the way Thai, I noticed that www.TheSlants.com is sorely lacking band photos on your website. By lucky coincidence, I have set up photo shoots of other bands. Because I’m a big fan of Asian men, I’ll be happy to snap some photos of your band the next time you pass through Michigan!
Here’s a sampling of my work. As you’ll see, I specialize in making bands look like a bunch of bad asses. By the way Andy and Chris, most of these bands have made it big, probably because of my awesome work.
And finally… wait a minute…. the guy on the bottom looks awfully familiar….
Thanks
Jon Drouin
P.S. Creepy: I am sorry that I picked on you for not being able to read. Adult illiteracy is a serious problem and shouldn’t be joked about. So I’ll keep submitting pictures in my emails so you can feel included and part of the group. I think it’s our job on the flawedcast network to be inclusive to the losers in society.
P.P.S. No really. There is a big announcement coming. It’s just the damn lawyers delaying things. This isn’t a bit that starts and never goes anywhere, like a limo blowing up with Vince McMahon in it, or a countdown from BVA. Next week. I hope.
P.P.P.S. Do you even lift, bro?
Cliff Snotes
EPISODE SEVEN
WELCOME TO: ROYAL RUMBLE! IS! JERICHO!
So Andy, I’m curious what you’re going to do with my theme music. You’ve been running with the old Orton theme music, which is fine, but with Jericho’s return, it certainly would be appropriate to return to the Y2J theme. Or, of course, you could run with the joke we discussed last week. Remember “Sittin on the Dock of the Bay?” So which will it be?
Oh wait – you’re probably just going to give everyone Skrillex themes this week. Nevermind.
Chris Jericho and Vickie Guerrero awkwardly aligned on Raw to piss off Dolph Ziggler. Well fuck. Now I have to co-ordinate something with Jim Enright.
The good news is that this might be pointing towards a Ziggler-Jericho Wrestlemania feud. I was worried that Ziggler would be an afterthought or thrown into something weird for WrestleMania, but this certainly works as the potential “show stealer”.
Speaking of awkward couples – Hey! Army of Dorkness! The latest episode featured James Ryan, but interestingly, not Cam Gullett. My spies have informed me that it was not because Cam was on assignment. No, this is a lover’s quarrel. James, I know you’re uncomfortable with Cam’s man-crush on you, and I know that Cam’s concept of a “Friendship Ring” is a little out there, but really, these look pretty cool. You should be honored. Just suck it up, and accept Cam’s gift:
Look, just put the ring on while you are recording, and then remove it when you’re done. Is that so hard?
*I* am your Father.
I am Cliff Snotes.
Chaz Cruz
Fine! I'll Email Your Show!
Dear "Big Mouth Billy Bass" Andy Gaston and "Fabulous Rainbow Lion" Chris Alt,
How do you guys do it? 9 hours of wrestling, who knows how much other sports and crap- plus all the time it takes to record multiple podcasts and edit them down?
Do your families miss you?
I'm about to go to a happy and gay happy hour party, so I can't sit here for long and craft some magical verbal cleverness, so instead, I'll throw out some quick, random things:
- The reason the Miz sucks as a face is because I'd be willing to bet he's REALLY annoying in real life. Like a hyper-active smart kid who nevertheless talks endless shit on Xbox Live playing Call of Duty: Black Guys... or whatever that one's called.
- If I was going to introduce someone to wrestling in an attempt to get them into it, I'd show them the first triple threat between Daniels, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe. What matches would you go with? I may be facing this scenario at some point with my guy.
- Last, your trivia games like naming every Rumble winner or Undertaker Wrestlemania opponent are too easy. Here's a challenge for both you guys: Name seven active Divas on the WWE roster.
Good luck! Keep doing what you're doing.
PS: I like the dubstep on the shows. You're so cutting edge, they should call you Adam Copeland's taint razor.
Peace,
Chaz
Bartow Florida
Royal Rumbled
Now, to stick to my pattern, since I had my crazy homo dinosaur e-mails last week, let's talk about some wrasslin'.
Meh. That's what that Royal Rumble made me feel like, just meh. Jericho was nice but Andy pretty much ruined that surprise with his precious "logic", and I always love Goldust but those two being your only surprises is kind of weak. I'm not counting Godfather because I don't count humor spots. So that was meh. The wrestling was OK but besides the rumble (and even IN in the rumble) it was a bunch of matches we'd seen before, with predictable outcomes. So the wrestling was meh. And the Rock holding the title? How many times do you think he's gonna defend that on Smackdown before Wrestlemania? So we get a few months of title non-contention and get to enjoy him cutting more "biotch" promos. So the story progression was meh. It was meh-tastic.
So while we will hear the words "Do you smell..." more times in the next two months than times Stu Little gets aroused by the sight of his own hand in a day, I imagine very little will happen with anything besides the Heavyweight title. Hopefully something happens with this Kane/Bryan feud reigniting or that tag championship is gonna get more stale than the smell in JB King's cave. So pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to in the next few months is them bringing up Paige from NXT, because I'd like to throw more balls her way than are used in a basketball game. WHITE MEN CAN'T PODCAST!!!!! ON FLAWEDCAST PRESENTS NOW!!!! PLUG IT, BITCH!!!!!
Sincerely,
Bartow Florida
Austin Sanders
Butt sex is like spinach; If you're force to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.
I hate doing this to you wiggers again (Awesome idea to be racist to whites this week Andy.) , but I can't find time to make another full length email. But I do have one wrestling related question. So The Rock was victorious by finally taking the white man down and becoming the WWE champion. However I do believe CM Punk deserved the title a bit longer especially given he's a no good land owner like all pasty colored men are. I think it's safe to say we all sighed at the thought of Rock being champion. I was all ready to shit all over WWE for this bad decision but then I took a gander at this weeks RAW ratings. a 3.8 which is one of the highest numbers they had in years. So maybe the WWE knew exactly what they were doing and I think sometimes we underestimate their decision making. It was one of the few times as a wrestling fan I felt the WWE legitimately won over the IWC. So my question is, how can we stop these filthy whites from overpopulating the local Ambercrombie and Fitch store next to my work? Amercrombie and Fitch? More like Ambercrombie and Bitch.
XOXOXOXOXO
I hate my job.
PS.
PPS I'm sure Chris can relate to this
PPPS Dustin Faber has a new favorute game show.
James Ryan
No Time for this!
Ladies and Gentlemen, and Chris,
Hello Flerbs!! It's me, the Golden Solo Voice of the Flawedcast
Network! James Ryan! I literally ain't got no time for this email!!
I'm still at work with at least one and a half more hours to go on
this Friday evening! So I'll just do a quick show and tell segment...
With this whole GodCast that was recorded and how Dustin Faber is all
"Team Jesus", I wanted to lend a hand. I found a book for any of you
Male Baggers if you wanted to get closer to the Lord.
Meanwhile, in Nigeria!
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I wanted to share the
Valentines that I'm going to pass out to everyone here at the
Flawedcast Network!
On RAW, the Prime Time Players tried to jump on the bandwagon (how
typical), of the "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That" train. Oh, gotta
love those Mondays! I kid! But seriously, I may have found something
you do have time for...
Well, that's all I got time for! Listen to the Man with a Golden
Voice and hope everyone does what the picture below says.
James
