MNF 58/Male Bag 41
Feb 9, 2013 14:43:47 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Feb 9, 2013 14:43:47 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 58 and Male Bag 41 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then get your stupid ass back here and Smackdown your vote!!!
Jon Drouin
OFFICE OF THE COUNTY CLERK OF SALINE COUNTY
AND
OAKLAND COUNTY CLERK/REGISTER OF DEEDS
IN RE THE LEGAL AGREEMENT BETWEEN
SARAH ALT
AND
JON DROUIN
STATEMENT FROM MRS. ALT
TO MY DEAREST DAUGHTERS CAITLYN (CJ) AND CLAIRE,
I have done everything in my power to raise you as strong, caring, and independent young women, so that you may live freely and happily and you can make this world a better place. I would prefer that you shall be able to grow up and make your own choices, and my decision to take that choice away from you goes against my beliefs and wishes. However, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that I must make this decision to protect you.
Your father has an established record of getting drunk on strawberry margaritas and making terrible decisions, such as the one that led to our ownership of Cam Gullett. And I cannot allow you to be gambled away in a poker game or bartered away for a limited edition advanced copy of the next “Medal of Honor” sequel.
Therefore, I have made the decision to negotiate the pre-arrangement of your marriages to protect you from your father. Your father loves you, but he is a simple man and doesn’t always think things through, so I must take these pre-cautions.
I hope that you can find happiness in this future that I have planned for you. I found an extremely kind, generous and respectable family with two young boys that live in a wonderfully pleasant and safe community. Unfortunately, the Hodges live in Canada, and Arkansas has not recognized Canada as a sovereign country.
So I found another family. They live near Canada, and Michigan is one of the 27 states recognized by Arkansas state law. The family, they seem… ok, I guess. I’m sure that you’ll be just fine with their two boys. But mostly, I arranged for your marriage to them because their father is a terrible negotiator.
STATEMENT FROM MR. DROUIN
Wait… What?
PETITION FOR THE PRE-ARRANGEMENT OF MARRIAGE
1. MARCUS DROUIN AND CJ ALT
2. NATHAN DROUIN AND CLAIRE ALT
THE PETITION STATES that SARAH CARMEAN ALT is the lawful parent of both CJ and CLAIRE and also that JON DROUIN is the lawful parent of both MARCUS and NATHAN. By mutual agreement, SARAH and JON have arranged for MARCUS AND CJ to be married and for NATHAN AND CLAIRE to be married, according to the following instructions:
1. Both couples shall be married in a JOINT CEREMONY in SALINE COUNTY, ARKANSAS, on JULY 4, 2017.
2. A SECOND CEREMONY will also be held in MICHIGAN on AUGUST 15, 2017.
3. THE HYMNS will be pre-approved by DUSTIN FABER, provided it’s not Shadow Dustin or the one running the Straight Edge Congregation.
4. A RESTRAINING ORDER is pre-approved in both states requiring a 1,000 FOOT RADIUS must be observed by BRIAN VAN ALSTYNE.
Per Arkansas state law, this contract supersedes any future agreement regarding the welfare of CJ and Claire Alt. (You see, Chris, this means that you cannot alter it in the future and mistakenly screw up your daughters lives)
DOWRY
THE FEE to be paid by the ALT FAMILY to the DROUIN FAMILY shall include:
1. ONE DOLLAR for allowing CJ to marry MARCUS
2. ONE DOLLAR for allowing CLAIRE to marry NATHAN
3. JON DROUIN may select up to THIRTY (30) COMIC BOOKS and FIVE (5) VIDEO GAMES from the library of CHRIS ALT to be borrowed at any time.
BRIDE PRICE
THE FEE to be paid by the DROUIN FAMILY to the ALT FAMILY shall include:
1. Arrangement for morning delivery of ONE (1) LITER of DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE (KEURIG FORM) and assorted seasonal flavored creamers for TWENTY (20) years.
2. DVD sets of every season of GREY’S ANATOMY and GLEE
3. An i-pod pre-loaded with every GLEE and GREY’S ANATOMY soundtrack
4. A surround sound speaker system that only works with the i-pod
5. TWENTY (20) $50 GIFT CERTIFICATES for PEDICURES
6. TEN (10) $100 HAIR SALON GIFT CERTIFICATES
7. TRANSPORTATION, ACCOMODATIONS, and BLENDED DRINKS shall be provided for MRS. ALT for an annual camping trip with her daughters and sons-in-law.
8. UPON HER RETIREMENT, MRS ALT shall have the option of moving in with either or both daughters and be supported by her son(s)-in-law.
OFFICIAL AGREEMENT SIGNED ON JANUARY 23, 2012
JONATHAN DROUIN SARAH ALT
_____________________________ _______________________________
Stu Little
Follow THAT, Thrasher!
Hey guys,
so...that happened. It was a lot of fun being the not-Chris this week, and I'd love to do it again sometime. Not the same show as Thrasher though, because I don't like spending time with THOSE people...
Also...I'm pretty tapped out for material after that too. I can't even muster up a good Cam photoshop or joke, especially after he got one over on us with his Tojo joke in the NXT recap. Because historical minutiae? That's funny! He sure got us good.
So enjoy your victory, whoever gets my sloppy seconds this week. Calm down, Tyler Houston! That's a thing, right? I dunno...I'm tired.
Stu
Cam Gullett
I watched Smackdown this week for the first time in months.
My reward was getting to see Rey Mysterio dressed as aguaman and Sin Cara
as the energia guardabosque verde. Also it looked like Del Rio borrowed
William Regal's old man's man gimmick.
Onto Raw! If CM Punk says that it is Paul Giamatti in that video; who cares
Booker T interrupting Punk seems like my punishment for watching Smackdown.
When will WWE learn that the only people who vote for anything they do are
fat mexican tweens who already know how to download their dumbass app?
"Watching Antonio Cesaro lose to Ryback will still be interesting for the
127th time" said the guy who came up with the riveting Hunico vs Ted
DiBiase Jr feud.
Why was Michael Cole so happy to keep pointing out that ESPN had scooped
WWE.com on the Bruno Sammartino story?
Fat Swagger, fat swagger, fat swagger. I am glad that he spent all of his
time away being a real american. I guess by that he meant slamming kfc
double-downs and chugging brown gravy that Nikki Bella bought him.
The WWE app stopped working? who cares
Cody Rhodes' new moustache shirt is brilliant. I cannot tell you how many
moustaches I have ridden that deserved their own t-shirts.
Mark Henry's comeback was pretty impressive. I can't remember the last time
I saw a huge, hulking black man abuse three little guys like that. Well, at
least not without having to stand in line at the rest stop first.
This was the greatest Miz TV spot ever! That brings the total count of good
Miz TV segments to: 1.
Barrett losing to Orton again made me legitimately wonder if someone had
kicked Otunga in the head again.
Punk vs Jericho was a holy shit kind of a tv main event match. It would
have been a great way to end the show on a hot moment, and no I don't just
mean because Jericho and Punk were so sweaty.
Thankfully we got beefcake Maddox to come out and vaccuum all of the heat
out the finish. It's not his fault though. Trying to position him as a guy
worthy of sympathy was just about the dumbest thing ever. On a scale of 1 -
Austin Sanders, it was a JB King. At least we got the announcement of the
War Games-like Elimination Chamber match that I predicted...after they went
off air. Fuck the earlier comparison. THIS was the JB King moment of
dumbassery.
Have a great show, guys.
Cam Gullett.
Michael Demko
It's time for the BJs!
(Bad Jokes, that is)
Hey Male Baggers!
So, my gimmick netted me second place last week, so I figured, what the
fuck, right? I might as well follow it up, and drive this bit into the
ground!
We saw the return of the Impact Recap this week! Uh... yay? I know I missed
it about as much as I've missed, well, TNA. Speaking of which, how many
Scott Taylor fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Both of 'em!
What do Chris Benoit and Darth Vader have in common? <This punchline has
been removed by the WWE and replaced with a blurry logo instead.>
So Stu Little joined Andy on MNF... I swear, I haven't heard a Scot this
confusing and hard to understand since the TNA Impact Recap! HEYOOO!!
Seriously, though, great insight from Stu. Looking forward to having you on
TV For Vendetta. Listen to the show this week to hear Brian VanAlstyne's
apology about Murder, She Wrote. In my opinion, though, BVA's apology is
about as genuine as a 19-dollar bill.
The main event scene on RAW lately has been odd. Between Heyman, Vince, The
Shield, Cena, The Rock and Punk, there's more finger pointing going on in
the WWE right now than Hindu goddess Shiva in a donut shop!
Hold on a second, while I adjust my tie. I'd say my comedy is reminiscent
of Rodney Dangerfield, but honestly, I'm guessing I'm getting laughs more
on the level of Ryan Dangerfield, am I right?!
That's it for this week! I'll hang up now and listen...
Michael "Bad Joke" Demko
Co-host of TV For Vendetta
Master of Demko's Dungeon
Bartow Florida
I'M BAAAAAAAACK!
Hey guyth!
Andy, I hope you didnt think this gay hip hop dinosaur gimmick was over!
NOT YET! I STILL HAVE BUTTS TO BUST AND GIMMICKS TO CRITIQUE!!!
Stu, great job! You were just an adorable bundle of haggis! For some
reason your voice made me picture you as a Scottish Harry Potter
(DINO-BONERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!) Haggis is what you guys eat right?
Gross. And that's coming from a dinosaur that eats asshole on a regular
basis, both digestively and sexually.
ANYWAYS, on to you guyth and your stupid gimmicky gimmicks!
So who haven't I done yet? (If you only knew how many times I've asked
myself that at three in the morning!)
Demko - You seem like my kinda guy! You have any ball-gags that fit a
T-rex? How about a twenty foot cat-o-nine-tails? Is a dinosaur penis
considered a torture device?
Adam Dan - You seem like such a nice guy! Like, a really nice guy! Like, I
mean, a reaaaaallllllyyyyy *nice* guy..... Watch out buddy.....
James Ryan - Asian girls? Why not Asian boys! Exactly the same and half the
price!
Michael Hodge - For your refusal to join Bartow in a tag team, YOU GET A
THOUSAND DINOSAUR DICKS.
Cliff Snotes - You're so concerned with your entrance music you might be
gayer than me and Big E ganging up and old Ziggly Poo!
Jon Druin - Master of lists and pics! I've got a list of pics for you:
SWEET GAY DINO PORN!!!!
Oh No! Bithches!
And one for my NBA homies, from the gayest most dinosaur-y league in
America:
In summary, I'M FABULOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSS! And I have a very special
announcement that my split personality Bartow Florida will make.....
NOW....AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH......
Bartow Florida
That's right!
Me and my gay dinosaur ass-violating split personality are forming a tag
team! The Bedrock and Cock Connection! And we are challenging YOU Stu and
Papa Shango! My partner enters a black circle every night so I'm sure he
should have no problem with that.
BUY YEAH, EFF YOU GUYS! How are we gonna do this, steel cage made of
electric eel testicles? A hardcore match where all the weapons are dildos?
A lumberjack match that involves lots of rape? I leave it to our general
managers extraordinaire!
Sincerely,
Bartow Florida
PS - White Men Can't Podcast is appearing at a local Flawedcast Presents
near you!
Jon Drouin
OFFICE OF THE COUNTY CLERK OF SALINE COUNTY
AND
OAKLAND COUNTY CLERK/REGISTER OF DEEDS
IN RE THE LEGAL AGREEMENT BETWEEN
SARAH ALT
AND
JON DROUIN
STATEMENT FROM MRS. ALT
TO MY DEAREST DAUGHTERS CAITLYN (CJ) AND CLAIRE,
I have done everything in my power to raise you as strong, caring, and independent young women, so that you may live freely and happily and you can make this world a better place. I would prefer that you shall be able to grow up and make your own choices, and my decision to take that choice away from you goes against my beliefs and wishes. However, I have come to the inescapable conclusion that I must make this decision to protect you.
Your father has an established record of getting drunk on strawberry margaritas and making terrible decisions, such as the one that led to our ownership of Cam Gullett. And I cannot allow you to be gambled away in a poker game or bartered away for a limited edition advanced copy of the next “Medal of Honor” sequel.
Therefore, I have made the decision to negotiate the pre-arrangement of your marriages to protect you from your father. Your father loves you, but he is a simple man and doesn’t always think things through, so I must take these pre-cautions.
I hope that you can find happiness in this future that I have planned for you. I found an extremely kind, generous and respectable family with two young boys that live in a wonderfully pleasant and safe community. Unfortunately, the Hodges live in Canada, and Arkansas has not recognized Canada as a sovereign country.
So I found another family. They live near Canada, and Michigan is one of the 27 states recognized by Arkansas state law. The family, they seem… ok, I guess. I’m sure that you’ll be just fine with their two boys. But mostly, I arranged for your marriage to them because their father is a terrible negotiator.
STATEMENT FROM MR. DROUIN
Wait… What?
PETITION FOR THE PRE-ARRANGEMENT OF MARRIAGE
1. MARCUS DROUIN AND CJ ALT
2. NATHAN DROUIN AND CLAIRE ALT
THE PETITION STATES that SARAH CARMEAN ALT is the lawful parent of both CJ and CLAIRE and also that JON DROUIN is the lawful parent of both MARCUS and NATHAN. By mutual agreement, SARAH and JON have arranged for MARCUS AND CJ to be married and for NATHAN AND CLAIRE to be married, according to the following instructions:
1. Both couples shall be married in a JOINT CEREMONY in SALINE COUNTY, ARKANSAS, on JULY 4, 2017.
2. A SECOND CEREMONY will also be held in MICHIGAN on AUGUST 15, 2017.
3. THE HYMNS will be pre-approved by DUSTIN FABER, provided it’s not Shadow Dustin or the one running the Straight Edge Congregation.
4. A RESTRAINING ORDER is pre-approved in both states requiring a 1,000 FOOT RADIUS must be observed by BRIAN VAN ALSTYNE.
Per Arkansas state law, this contract supersedes any future agreement regarding the welfare of CJ and Claire Alt. (You see, Chris, this means that you cannot alter it in the future and mistakenly screw up your daughters lives)
DOWRY
THE FEE to be paid by the ALT FAMILY to the DROUIN FAMILY shall include:
1. ONE DOLLAR for allowing CJ to marry MARCUS
2. ONE DOLLAR for allowing CLAIRE to marry NATHAN
3. JON DROUIN may select up to THIRTY (30) COMIC BOOKS and FIVE (5) VIDEO GAMES from the library of CHRIS ALT to be borrowed at any time.
BRIDE PRICE
THE FEE to be paid by the DROUIN FAMILY to the ALT FAMILY shall include:
1. Arrangement for morning delivery of ONE (1) LITER of DUNKIN DONUTS COFFEE (KEURIG FORM) and assorted seasonal flavored creamers for TWENTY (20) years.
2. DVD sets of every season of GREY’S ANATOMY and GLEE
3. An i-pod pre-loaded with every GLEE and GREY’S ANATOMY soundtrack
4. A surround sound speaker system that only works with the i-pod
5. TWENTY (20) $50 GIFT CERTIFICATES for PEDICURES
6. TEN (10) $100 HAIR SALON GIFT CERTIFICATES
7. TRANSPORTATION, ACCOMODATIONS, and BLENDED DRINKS shall be provided for MRS. ALT for an annual camping trip with her daughters and sons-in-law.
8. UPON HER RETIREMENT, MRS ALT shall have the option of moving in with either or both daughters and be supported by her son(s)-in-law.
OFFICIAL AGREEMENT SIGNED ON JANUARY 23, 2012
JONATHAN DROUIN SARAH ALT
_____________________________ _______________________________
Stu Little
Follow THAT, Thrasher!
Hey guys,
so...that happened. It was a lot of fun being the not-Chris this week, and I'd love to do it again sometime. Not the same show as Thrasher though, because I don't like spending time with THOSE people...
Also...I'm pretty tapped out for material after that too. I can't even muster up a good Cam photoshop or joke, especially after he got one over on us with his Tojo joke in the NXT recap. Because historical minutiae? That's funny! He sure got us good.
So enjoy your victory, whoever gets my sloppy seconds this week. Calm down, Tyler Houston! That's a thing, right? I dunno...I'm tired.
Stu
Cam Gullett
I watched Smackdown this week for the first time in months.
My reward was getting to see Rey Mysterio dressed as aguaman and Sin Cara
as the energia guardabosque verde. Also it looked like Del Rio borrowed
William Regal's old man's man gimmick.
Onto Raw! If CM Punk says that it is Paul Giamatti in that video; who cares
Booker T interrupting Punk seems like my punishment for watching Smackdown.
When will WWE learn that the only people who vote for anything they do are
fat mexican tweens who already know how to download their dumbass app?
"Watching Antonio Cesaro lose to Ryback will still be interesting for the
127th time" said the guy who came up with the riveting Hunico vs Ted
DiBiase Jr feud.
Why was Michael Cole so happy to keep pointing out that ESPN had scooped
WWE.com on the Bruno Sammartino story?
Fat Swagger, fat swagger, fat swagger. I am glad that he spent all of his
time away being a real american. I guess by that he meant slamming kfc
double-downs and chugging brown gravy that Nikki Bella bought him.
The WWE app stopped working? who cares
Cody Rhodes' new moustache shirt is brilliant. I cannot tell you how many
moustaches I have ridden that deserved their own t-shirts.
Mark Henry's comeback was pretty impressive. I can't remember the last time
I saw a huge, hulking black man abuse three little guys like that. Well, at
least not without having to stand in line at the rest stop first.
This was the greatest Miz TV spot ever! That brings the total count of good
Miz TV segments to: 1.
Barrett losing to Orton again made me legitimately wonder if someone had
kicked Otunga in the head again.
Punk vs Jericho was a holy shit kind of a tv main event match. It would
have been a great way to end the show on a hot moment, and no I don't just
mean because Jericho and Punk were so sweaty.
Thankfully we got beefcake Maddox to come out and vaccuum all of the heat
out the finish. It's not his fault though. Trying to position him as a guy
worthy of sympathy was just about the dumbest thing ever. On a scale of 1 -
Austin Sanders, it was a JB King. At least we got the announcement of the
War Games-like Elimination Chamber match that I predicted...after they went
off air. Fuck the earlier comparison. THIS was the JB King moment of
dumbassery.
Have a great show, guys.
Cam Gullett.
Michael Demko
It's time for the BJs!
(Bad Jokes, that is)
Hey Male Baggers!
So, my gimmick netted me second place last week, so I figured, what the
fuck, right? I might as well follow it up, and drive this bit into the
ground!
We saw the return of the Impact Recap this week! Uh... yay? I know I missed
it about as much as I've missed, well, TNA. Speaking of which, how many
Scott Taylor fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Both of 'em!
What do Chris Benoit and Darth Vader have in common? <This punchline has
been removed by the WWE and replaced with a blurry logo instead.>
So Stu Little joined Andy on MNF... I swear, I haven't heard a Scot this
confusing and hard to understand since the TNA Impact Recap! HEYOOO!!
Seriously, though, great insight from Stu. Looking forward to having you on
TV For Vendetta. Listen to the show this week to hear Brian VanAlstyne's
apology about Murder, She Wrote. In my opinion, though, BVA's apology is
about as genuine as a 19-dollar bill.
The main event scene on RAW lately has been odd. Between Heyman, Vince, The
Shield, Cena, The Rock and Punk, there's more finger pointing going on in
the WWE right now than Hindu goddess Shiva in a donut shop!
Hold on a second, while I adjust my tie. I'd say my comedy is reminiscent
of Rodney Dangerfield, but honestly, I'm guessing I'm getting laughs more
on the level of Ryan Dangerfield, am I right?!
That's it for this week! I'll hang up now and listen...
Michael "Bad Joke" Demko
Co-host of TV For Vendetta
Master of Demko's Dungeon
Bartow Florida
I'M BAAAAAAAACK!
Hey guyth!
Andy, I hope you didnt think this gay hip hop dinosaur gimmick was over!
NOT YET! I STILL HAVE BUTTS TO BUST AND GIMMICKS TO CRITIQUE!!!
Stu, great job! You were just an adorable bundle of haggis! For some
reason your voice made me picture you as a Scottish Harry Potter
(DINO-BONERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!) Haggis is what you guys eat right?
Gross. And that's coming from a dinosaur that eats asshole on a regular
basis, both digestively and sexually.
ANYWAYS, on to you guyth and your stupid gimmicky gimmicks!
So who haven't I done yet? (If you only knew how many times I've asked
myself that at three in the morning!)
Demko - You seem like my kinda guy! You have any ball-gags that fit a
T-rex? How about a twenty foot cat-o-nine-tails? Is a dinosaur penis
considered a torture device?
Adam Dan - You seem like such a nice guy! Like, a really nice guy! Like, I
mean, a reaaaaallllllyyyyy *nice* guy..... Watch out buddy.....
James Ryan - Asian girls? Why not Asian boys! Exactly the same and half the
price!
Michael Hodge - For your refusal to join Bartow in a tag team, YOU GET A
THOUSAND DINOSAUR DICKS.
Cliff Snotes - You're so concerned with your entrance music you might be
gayer than me and Big E ganging up and old Ziggly Poo!
Jon Druin - Master of lists and pics! I've got a list of pics for you:
SWEET GAY DINO PORN!!!!
Oh No! Bithches!
And one for my NBA homies, from the gayest most dinosaur-y league in
America:
In summary, I'M FABULOOOOOUUUUUSSSSSS! And I have a very special
announcement that my split personality Bartow Florida will make.....
NOW....AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH......
Bartow Florida
That's right!
Me and my gay dinosaur ass-violating split personality are forming a tag
team! The Bedrock and Cock Connection! And we are challenging YOU Stu and
Papa Shango! My partner enters a black circle every night so I'm sure he
should have no problem with that.
BUY YEAH, EFF YOU GUYS! How are we gonna do this, steel cage made of
electric eel testicles? A hardcore match where all the weapons are dildos?
A lumberjack match that involves lots of rape? I leave it to our general
managers extraordinaire!
Sincerely,
Bartow Florida
PS - White Men Can't Podcast is appearing at a local Flawedcast Presents
near you!
