RAP BATTLE!!!
Feb 27, 2013 18:46:35 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Feb 27, 2013 18:46:35 GMT -5
Stu Little
Sandow Mode: ACTIVATED
Greetings and salutations, Andrew and Christopher, esteemed compatriots. Or are you? For I feel somewhat slighted this day by the peculiar transpiring of events that occurred on the recap show this week. One moment, I was declared the undisputed victor of the World Championship Bout, by the reckoning of both of you gentlemen. A binding decree, surely? Alas, it was not! For following the departure of Mr. Alt, the decision was changed I was denied my one score of victories and instead placed into an impasse with James Ryan. I do not blame you for this Christopher, for you had been present to the announcement of my win and thus should have been free to go about your business, be it academic, familial, or professional.
If one was a more paranoid individual, one would suspect this was a deliberate outcome engineered by your cohort, Andrew. It is undeniable that I am the most enduring contributor to this humble programme, and the numerous tiebreakers that have become common recently have no doubt bolstered the marquee appeal of the episodes. Is it not possible- nay, PROBABLE that Andrew saw an opportunity to further increase the drawing power of the show by engineering a rap battle? Nonetheless I will endeavour to do my best, but I demand a formal inquiry into the matter following this episode!
Before I move on, I'd like to say to Christopher...REJOICE! For hark, the latest instalment of one of your favourite periodicals has been published!
Commiserations to Bartow Florida for his failure to capture the tag team championships. Your premeditated murder of a member of an endangered species was all for naught, it seems. You cannot truly even take credit for that either, for clearly the voodoo practices of James Ryan are ultimately the cause of Crispin's downfall. Lest you point out that James' curse came AFTER the dinosaur's fate, I would remind you that Crispin came from the future, and thus James technically cursed him before he was even born. Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey, and such. With that said, it is perhaps for the best that this happened. Given how Loftberg's arm size was found wanting, I doubt he would have found much success in any attempts towards levitating, brother.
Between the above tag team victory and my upcoming quest for the World Title, I will NOT be competing for the Intercontinental Championship. So worry not, Demko. Your mewling quim of a wife has no cause to fear besmirchment from me, be it through insults or an insistence that she return to the scullery to prepare us refreshments of a bread and filling nature.
Ms. Leesa Kern, I hope you do contribute more to this show, and that your compliments on my accent are not part of a Pagan scheme to kidnap me for a virgin sacrifice.
To the gentleman known as "Big D". Assuming you are not Austin Sanders using an alias, I have a rebuttal for several of your remarks. For one, I am not Irish. I am a Celt of the Caledonian nature. Secondly, the physical proportions of my reproductive system are no business of yours and your fixation on such is cause for concern on my part. Thirdly, I do not possess follicles that produce hair of a crimson hue be it on my scalp, pubic area or anywhere else on my anatomy. For that you would have to consult my friend Camish McGullett:
So in closing, sir, I would suggest you cease attempting to provoke conflict. I wish you no ill, but should I be pressed to a sufficient degree, I am more than capable of visiting grievous harm upon your person, you ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin. An amusingly distracting ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin, but an ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin all the same.
If you want my opinion on the new WWE Title, it is the following (no, not the Kevin Bacon television show of the same name, but the subsequent statement): it is technically superior to the old one, but still resembles something that would be carried around by an eight year old(compose yourself, Brian).
With all these matters addressed, now we get to the business of the World Championship and how I must (under duress) compete in a battle rap. Hmm. I understand, I have displayed an efficacy in rhyming so great as to be paradoxically described as "ill", so it behooves me to comply. Though it will require me to shed my more civil ways to adopt the "Scott Land" persona as I am wont to do in such circumstances as this. Just let it be known James that I don't mean anything I say...well accept the bit about you being a terrible actor. *clears throat*
*Beat*
SCOTT LAND!
2013...AGAIN!
VOODOO KILT MAFIA: THE CIVIL WAR!
ARMY OF DORKNESS VS. ARMY NEAR LOCH NESS!
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah-
Scott Land is hear to beat down the Golden Voice,
He'll be wishing soon his mama had been more Pro Choice,
I hope this match won't deal our team too big a rift,
Cos when I'm done with you bro, you won't even lift,
You can dress as Papa now, and try to bring me scares,
But I'll be left standing, to tell you "Who cares"!
Rapping, just like acting, is something you will botch,
You're gonna end the night alone, weeping in your Scotch,
Better quit now, your meat is all you'll beat,
But what do you expect? You've got an alias called "Skeet"!
Got the edge now, gonna peel you like an oh-range,
Golden Voice? Bitch please! You ain't got no range!
You can't even sing, I've seen pics of your dance,
You look like Nate Corbitt is scurrying in your pants,
PUNSHOUSE.COOOOOM, that is my house,
I've got all the cheese, that's why they call me Mouse,
Try to bring up kilts, or even dare say Haggis,
I'll lock you up with Cam, and you'll see who the f*g is!
Peace!
Stuart William Little BSc
P.S. You're Welcome.
James Ryan
Rap time
Uh! Uh! Yeah, uh, uh, turn that beat up. Yeah! Uh! Yeah, I can't
hear the beat in my headphones. Turn that beat up, I'm serious. Yeah,
I'm goin' drop it like this. 1, 2, 1, 2. Here I come, ya'll ready?
Uh! Put some bass in the beat, yeah! Where's my snare?!? Like that,
son! Y'all ready? Uh! Uh! This single bout to go double Uranium!
Uh! This how it goes! Yeah!
My name is James
And I'm here to say
Stuart Little is totally gay.
*drops mic*
Sandow Mode: ACTIVATED
Greetings and salutations, Andrew and Christopher, esteemed compatriots. Or are you? For I feel somewhat slighted this day by the peculiar transpiring of events that occurred on the recap show this week. One moment, I was declared the undisputed victor of the World Championship Bout, by the reckoning of both of you gentlemen. A binding decree, surely? Alas, it was not! For following the departure of Mr. Alt, the decision was changed I was denied my one score of victories and instead placed into an impasse with James Ryan. I do not blame you for this Christopher, for you had been present to the announcement of my win and thus should have been free to go about your business, be it academic, familial, or professional.
If one was a more paranoid individual, one would suspect this was a deliberate outcome engineered by your cohort, Andrew. It is undeniable that I am the most enduring contributor to this humble programme, and the numerous tiebreakers that have become common recently have no doubt bolstered the marquee appeal of the episodes. Is it not possible- nay, PROBABLE that Andrew saw an opportunity to further increase the drawing power of the show by engineering a rap battle? Nonetheless I will endeavour to do my best, but I demand a formal inquiry into the matter following this episode!
Before I move on, I'd like to say to Christopher...REJOICE! For hark, the latest instalment of one of your favourite periodicals has been published!
Commiserations to Bartow Florida for his failure to capture the tag team championships. Your premeditated murder of a member of an endangered species was all for naught, it seems. You cannot truly even take credit for that either, for clearly the voodoo practices of James Ryan are ultimately the cause of Crispin's downfall. Lest you point out that James' curse came AFTER the dinosaur's fate, I would remind you that Crispin came from the future, and thus James technically cursed him before he was even born. Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey, and such. With that said, it is perhaps for the best that this happened. Given how Loftberg's arm size was found wanting, I doubt he would have found much success in any attempts towards levitating, brother.
Between the above tag team victory and my upcoming quest for the World Title, I will NOT be competing for the Intercontinental Championship. So worry not, Demko. Your mewling quim of a wife has no cause to fear besmirchment from me, be it through insults or an insistence that she return to the scullery to prepare us refreshments of a bread and filling nature.
Ms. Leesa Kern, I hope you do contribute more to this show, and that your compliments on my accent are not part of a Pagan scheme to kidnap me for a virgin sacrifice.
To the gentleman known as "Big D". Assuming you are not Austin Sanders using an alias, I have a rebuttal for several of your remarks. For one, I am not Irish. I am a Celt of the Caledonian nature. Secondly, the physical proportions of my reproductive system are no business of yours and your fixation on such is cause for concern on my part. Thirdly, I do not possess follicles that produce hair of a crimson hue be it on my scalp, pubic area or anywhere else on my anatomy. For that you would have to consult my friend Camish McGullett:
So in closing, sir, I would suggest you cease attempting to provoke conflict. I wish you no ill, but should I be pressed to a sufficient degree, I am more than capable of visiting grievous harm upon your person, you ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin. An amusingly distracting ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin, but an ill-mannered, misanthropic ragamuffin all the same.
If you want my opinion on the new WWE Title, it is the following (no, not the Kevin Bacon television show of the same name, but the subsequent statement): it is technically superior to the old one, but still resembles something that would be carried around by an eight year old(compose yourself, Brian).
With all these matters addressed, now we get to the business of the World Championship and how I must (under duress) compete in a battle rap. Hmm. I understand, I have displayed an efficacy in rhyming so great as to be paradoxically described as "ill", so it behooves me to comply. Though it will require me to shed my more civil ways to adopt the "Scott Land" persona as I am wont to do in such circumstances as this. Just let it be known James that I don't mean anything I say...well accept the bit about you being a terrible actor. *clears throat*
*Beat*
SCOTT LAND!
2013...AGAIN!
VOODOO KILT MAFIA: THE CIVIL WAR!
ARMY OF DORKNESS VS. ARMY NEAR LOCH NESS!
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah-
Scott Land is hear to beat down the Golden Voice,
He'll be wishing soon his mama had been more Pro Choice,
I hope this match won't deal our team too big a rift,
Cos when I'm done with you bro, you won't even lift,
You can dress as Papa now, and try to bring me scares,
But I'll be left standing, to tell you "Who cares"!
Rapping, just like acting, is something you will botch,
You're gonna end the night alone, weeping in your Scotch,
Better quit now, your meat is all you'll beat,
But what do you expect? You've got an alias called "Skeet"!
Got the edge now, gonna peel you like an oh-range,
Golden Voice? Bitch please! You ain't got no range!
You can't even sing, I've seen pics of your dance,
You look like Nate Corbitt is scurrying in your pants,
PUNSHOUSE.COOOOOM, that is my house,
I've got all the cheese, that's why they call me Mouse,
Try to bring up kilts, or even dare say Haggis,
I'll lock you up with Cam, and you'll see who the f*g is!
Peace!
Stuart William Little BSc
P.S. You're Welcome.
James Ryan
Rap time
Uh! Uh! Yeah, uh, uh, turn that beat up. Yeah! Uh! Yeah, I can't
hear the beat in my headphones. Turn that beat up, I'm serious. Yeah,
I'm goin' drop it like this. 1, 2, 1, 2. Here I come, ya'll ready?
Uh! Put some bass in the beat, yeah! Where's my snare?!? Like that,
son! Y'all ready? Uh! Uh! This single bout to go double Uranium!
Uh! This how it goes! Yeah!
My name is James
And I'm here to say
Stuart Little is totally gay.
*drops mic*
