Oh aye? Let me show you how it's fucking done!!

#Caledonia love!

Caledonia...knows how to party
Caledonia...knows how to party
In the citaaay of Glasgow,
In the citaaay of good ol' Watt
In the citaaay, the city of Dundee
We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin!

Now let me welcome everybody to north of the border
A place that's free from the old english order,
The track hits ya eardrum like a kiss to your head,
Pack a vest for the climate, and eat some shortbread,
We in that Saltire State with a bomb ass bag pipe
the State where ya never find a flag with red stripe
And neds be on a mission for that Buckie
And if you don't get glassed then you'll be lucky
I been in the game all years makin rap tunes
ever since a wee bairn reading The Broons
Now it's '08 and they clock me and watch me
But I send then runnin' with the threat of the Malkie
It's all good, from Arbroath to Skye
Your city is all braw if your Whyte and Mackay
Throw up a Claymore if ya feel the same way
Stu puttin it down for
Caledon-i-a

Caledonia...knows how to party
Caledonia...knows how to party
In the citaaay of Glasgow,
In the citaaay of good ol' Watt
In the citaaay, the city of Dundee
We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin!

Jig it jig it baby
Jig it jig it baby
Jig it jig it mama
Jig it Cali
Jig it jig it baby
Jig it jig it jig it jig it...

UJOB put it best when he called me to tell me to get back on here. Looks like I "Tito Ortiz'd" in this draft, too. Oops.

I'll gladly give up the World Poker Tour. As soon as I have to give up Inside the NFL. A show about the NFL, which is actually a sport. And as soon as Solly has to drop RAW, a theatrical performance portrayed as sport. Along with the other wrestling shows. MXC? Yeah, that'd have to go, too, it's more of a sport than poker is. Wipeout? I mean, it does air in primetime, and is weekly. But they also wear padding and have to get slightly physical, so that must go, too. Don't even get me started on Biggest Loser, either. And what about Friday Night Lights? It's got more athleticism than the World Poker Tour, that's for sure. I'll really miss American Gladiators from my schedule. And I'll probably need to let Sports Night go, too. I mean, it has the word Sports right in the name! WPT doesn't even have that. And what of Fear Factor? More sport than poker. And Playmakers aired on that sports network called ESPN, so it's ineligible, too. I guess I wasted all that time trying to trade for it, huh? And last I checked, Top Chef is quite competitive, so I guess I'll need to find a replacement for that one. Ooh, there went Survivor, since they really do get pretty physical on there, and they're competing, just like they are competing on the World Poker Tour. And then there's Tilt, that mini-series ABOUT POKER THAT AIRED ON FUCKING ESPN! (That's the sports network, right?That only shows sports? Who drafted that show, anyway?) Real World/Road Rules Challenge? Good thing that wasn't on ESPN, because it'd be ineligible. Sorry Brad, Battlebots is out. To those of you out there who drafted The Ultimate Fighter and The Contender, I regret to inform you that those are both sports.

I've had my chance to rant, and now I'll be the bigger man and pick something else.

421. Monday Night Football


I know what you're all thinking, and no that wasn't a serious replacement pick. I'm not picking a replacement. I'd call this horse shit, but that'd be an insult to horse shit. The only way the World Poker Tour would ever be a sport would be if I got a night with this woman:



That'd be some serious athletic competition right there. How can you deprive the GBTV viewers seeing this woman make all of her wonderful journalistic contributions to poker on a weekly basis. Seriously, I had the pleasure of meeting her at Foxwoods once. She's 10,000 times more amazing looking in person. I wonder if anyone ever broke the news to her that she was a sports reporter.

What if I drafted E:60? It's weekly and it airs in prime time. But it's on ESPN. It's just like Dateline and 60 Minutes, but about sports. Weekly, primetime, and on ESPN. Just like Tilt. Again, did you draft that one, Dev?

I'm sorry, I really am. But I can't bring myself to rescind my pick. Skip me if you have to. But The World Poker Tour meets the requirements of the rules more than many of the shows I listed above. I listed some in jest, but some are obviously more of a sport than The World Poker Tour. Inside the NFL (which I picked), The Ultimate Fighter, and The Contender immediately come to mind.

And Dev, if you just want to say it's ineligible just because you think it's kinda like a sport and stuff, then do it. But know that David Stern thinks you're being inconsistent.

Because The World Poker Tour, and it's hot ass hostess, is eligible. And I'll fight it as long as I need to. Even if it means someone else gets to draft it because they tried to draft it first. Give it to Sharky if you have to, or Eric or even yourself. Actually, you should take it, it would go perfectly opposite Tilt. That show about poker that aired on ESPN.

By the way, I know this is totally unrelated, but I found proof that ESPN doesn't actually stand for anything related to sports. See:



You know what, I just might be going about this all wrong. Maybe I can appeal to your inner man here, Dev:



Look into those eyes, Dev. You know she was hot when she was 15, you just know it!



And for an evening on the town, Shana would make a great companian. Especially on a Friday, the night where The World Poker Tour airs on GBTV, from 8 PM to 10 PM!



And this wasn't what I had in mind when I asked her for a "head shot," but it'll do!



Maybe I can arrange a nice day on the river in a hammock, no?



She really is a thinker, too!



Even in a bad picture--one that makes her look like the long lost Olson triplet--she's still hot.



I mean, there are some really bad pictures of Shana Hiatt floating around, but she's still so damn adorable! Couldn't you just gobble her up like Thanksgiving Turkey and Candied Yams? I could.



This man singlehandedly changed the world of poker. Also one hell of an athlete. Git-R-Done, Chris!



She's not bilingual, she's multilingual. She's bi-something else. That's right! And I'd love to get her into Firewoman's basement.



"C'mon Dev, you know poker's not a sport!"



"Hey, any of you guys see a sport around here? Me neither."



Does she host The World Poker Tour?



Nope, she reports on actual sports.



That guy is one hell of an athlete, ain't he?



Shana sure thinks so. But what does she know about athletes? She hosted a poker show, not a sports show. Despite the serious sportin' going on behind her.



"Does no one care that I hosted the World Poker Tour, too?"

"No Courtney, we don't. But have you done anything involving the sportings?"



"Um, like, I just, like, wanted to remind everyone that The World Poker Tour aired on, like, The Travel Channel, definitely NOT a sports network."

Listen, I'm sorry to have wasted everyone's time. I'm done now. I'll change my pick to something eligible, according to the rules.

421. World Poker Tour



There, fixed it.

(If we were playing poker right now, I'd be considered on tilt. That's the point in playing poker where you throw everything you know out the window and play like a maniac. Tilt is also the name of a miniseries on ESPN, that sports network, about poker. Did anyone draft that show? Anyone?)



Smooches!

One man and seven years ago one selfish player brought forth on this national past time a new plague, conceived in greed and dedicated to the intention that all men would not be equal.

Now we are engaged in a great debate, testing whether one man, or any man, so conceived and so dedicated to cheating can ruin a century of history. We are met on the baseball diamond with a battle that divides a nation. We have come to suspect this man, and condemn him to a life of shame, for those who here gave their all so that baseball might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that he should be scorned and ridiculed.

Because of this one man, we can not dedicate – we can not consecrate – we can not hallow -- this record. The men that came before him, living and dead, who struggled to play a g@me at such a high level, will judge his records and his sins. The world should little note, nor long remember what he has done, but we can never forget what he did. It is for us, the fans, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work, which he has trod underfoot, which they who played before him have thus far so nobly achieved. It is rather for us to celebrate the achievements of those men – that from these honored men we take increased devotion to the g@me that they gave the last full measure of devotion – that we highly revere that these past players shall not have played in vain – that this past time, in all its glory, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that game, of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall remain free of this scourge for all eternity.