Leo AWWA (Awesome Women’s Wrestling Alliance) Commentary Team: Renee Young and Corey Graves
Wargames: winning team controls all titles in AWWA Decay (Christina Von Eerie, Winter, Rosemary) vs. Blonde Bombers (Molly Holly, Beth Phoenix, Charlotte Flair) Ariel and Ric Flair will be locked together in a shark cage suspended above the ring.
Hair versus Hair Layla El vs. Michelle McCool
Madison Rayne and Nevaeh vs. Leather and Lace (Lacey Evans and Dana Brooke)
Evening Gown Tag Team Match Hot Mess Express (Laurel Van Ness and Isis the Amazon) vs. Bitches in Britches (ODB and Mickie Knuckles)
Triple Threat Match Kelly Kelly vs. “Better Than You” Britt Baker vs. Amber “Super” Nova Liz Cyndi Lauper’s Fun Girls Wrestling Commentary Team: Eric Bischoff, Cyndi Lauper and Capt. Lou Albano
FGW World Title Match Elimination Chamber Wendi Richter (c) vs. Awesome Kong vs. Sara Del Ray vs. Mae Young vs. Ayako Hamada vs. Manami Toyota
Elimination Chamber Qualifying Matches Mae Young vs. Madusa Awesome Kong vs. Lei’d Tapa Manami Toyota vs. Jacqueline Ayako Hamada vs. Reina Gonzalez Sara Del Ray vs. Dawn Marie with Beulah McGillicutty
First Wives Club Explode Come as You Are Street Fight Maryse vs. Lana
The contrast in both finals is kind of funny - kudos to Leo for telling a story without resorting to my comical overbooking, and kudos to Fish on successfully pushing some pre-Women’s Revolution nostalgia buttons.
Eco Liberty Championship Wrestling IV: The Double-Cross GM: Ariane Andrew Commentary: Stone Cold Steve Austin & CM Punk
AJ Lee (c) vs. Io Shirai Submission Only Street Fight for the LCW World Championship
Melissa Anderson vs. Gail Kim
The Authors of Pain (Alpha Female/Jessica Havok) (c) vs. The Dollhouse (Mia Yim & Marti Belle) vs. Madison Eagles & Santana Garrett "Selfish Option" Ladder Match --A Money is the Bank Briefcase AND the Tag Championships hang above the ring. --A participant ascending the ladder may remove one, but not both. --If the Money in the Bank Briefcase is removed first, the match for the Tag Championships continues, but the team whose member took the "Selfish Option" is eliminated.
Princess Kimber Lee vs. Stephanie McMahon "What is this, Memphis Championship Wrestling?" Loser Becomes The Other's Servant For A Week Match
The Werewolves (Kris Wolf/Kobra Moon) & Blood Bath (Megumi Kudo & Su Yung) vs. Ginger Snaps (Taeler Hendrix/Scarlett Bordeaux) & Screamers (Melina Perez/Hania The Howling Huntress) Friend-or-Foe Elimination Match for a $50,000 Winner's Purse --If the winning team has more than one member not eliminated, all non-eliminated members have a one-fall match for the winner's purse.
Liz Cyndi Lauper’s Fun Girls Wrestling
Commentary Team: Eric Bischoff and Capt. Lou Albano
FGW World Title Match Wendi Richter (c) with Cyndi Lauper vs. Ayako Hamada
Madusa vs. Manami Toyota
Jacqueline vs. Awesome Kong
Sara Del Rey vs. Lei’d Tapa
Six-Woman Elimination Tag Match Reina Gonzalez and ECW Originals (Dawn Marie and Beulah McGillicutty) vs. Mae Young and the First Wives Club (Lana and Maryse)
Eco Liberty Championship Wrestling III: "Three Triple Threats, Two Falls To Finish, And A Partridge In A Pear Tree"
AJ Lee (c) w/ CM Punk vs. Melissa Anderson w/ Steve Austin vs. Gail Kim First to Two Falls Triple Threat for the LCW World Championship
Io Shirai vs. Mia Yim Good Enough That Even Eco Didn't Add A Stipulation
The Billion-Dollar Princesses (Princess Kimber Lee/Stephanie McMahon) (c) vs. The Authors of Pain (Jazz "Alpha Female" Gabert/Jessica Havok) vs. The Werewolves (Kris Wolf/Kobra Moon) Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match for the LCW World Tag Team Championships
Madison Eagles vs. Santana Garrett Las Luchadoras Desenmascaradas EXPLOTAN!
Marti Belle vs. Megumi Kudo vs. "Bloody Bride" Su Yung "Why Did I Let Su and Megumi Talk Me Into This" Fans Bring The Weapons Match
Ginger Snaps (Taeler Hendrix/Scarlett Bordeaux) vs. Screamers (Melina Perez/Hania The Howling Huntress) Partridge In A Pear Tree On A Forklift Match
Commissioner: Ariane Andrew Commentary: Stone Cold Steve Austin & CM Punk (Alternate Main Event Commentary: Jade & Melina)
Dev Phoenix Rising Wrestling presents...Chapter 3: I Quit Live from The New Orleans Theatre, New Orleans, Louisiana Announcers: Dve Prazak & Kacy Catanzaro
Renee Young and Corey Graves are their broadcast position.
RY: We've already got two matches booked for Total Havoc and we're here to announce two more.
CG: That's right. The feud between the Blonde Bombers and Decay is just heating up. Not only will Beth Phoenix face world champion Rosemary in a Monster's Ball match for the title, but single bouts will see Charlotte Flair wrestle Winter and Molly Holly taking on Christina Von Eerie
"What about us," calls a voice from off screen.
CG: Oh, no, not again.
Laurel Van Ness walks onto the platform with Isis the Amazon in tow.
LVN: We won a tag match. We should get a title shot.
RY: Look, we've told you we don't do the booking, you need to take that up...
Isis pushes past Laurel, pushes Renee Young back in her chair and hoists her up over her head. Renee screams. Corey jumps up and tries to talk some sense into Isis. Neavaeh and Madison Rayne run out.
MR: You want a tag title match at Total Havoc, we'll give it to you. Just put Renee down.
LVN: That's just what we wanted to hear. Put her down...and take them out.
Isis puts Young down and then jumps off the stage to attack the tag champions. The faces go low and try to take out Isis by the knees. She goes down. LVN screams and jumps off the stage onto Nevaeh's back. Corey checks on Renee as the ladies fight to the back and the scene fades.
Agree with Dev that Matte's tag division is real solid. Asuka vs. Kong should be really good. I like how Dev is elevating a lot of talent like Blanchard, Cross and the tag team of Serena and Roxx. That triple threat ladder match could be a sleeper. I vote me, of course, but damn us being tied as I write this makes perfect sense to me.
*Fade in to a packed house at Your Local Arena (*cheap pop*), where we find Prestige Women's Wrestling General Manager Linda McMahon ACCOMPANIED~!, as always, by her bodyguard, Ronda Rousey...
LM: Good evening, PWW Universe! I am very excited to be here with you tonight to announce the lineup for Prestige Women's Wrestling's first-ever pay-per---
*McMahon is interrupted by the music belonging to Carmella, who makes her way into the ring...
TFM: Linda, let me stop you right there. You can't be out here to announce the pay-per-view card, because I haven't told you who I'm wrestling on it yet.
LM: Actually, Carmella, that's my call.
TFM: Excuse me? I don't know who you think you are, but I'm the first-ever women's Money in the Bank winner! That means I get to call my shot! If you think you can--
*Rousey gets right in Carmella's face, and she quickly backs off...
LM: As you can see, Carmella, I'm being accompanied, as always, by my bodyguard, Ronda Rousey. I will not be pushed around. I will not be intimidated. You, however, will do as you're told. Now stand over there while I introduce your opponent...
*The Fabulous Moolah's music hits, and she saunters down to the ring, grabbing a mic on the way...
TFM: Money in the Bank? The only money around here is Moolah!
LM: And that's why the two of you will go one-on-one for that Money in the Bank briefcase!
*The crowd cheers, Moolah smiles, Carmella is clearly not impressed but too afraid of Rousey to do anything about it...
LM: Now, I'd like to ask the two of you to leave the ring so I can do what I came out here for.
*They do, and she does...
LM: As I was saying, I've got a packed card lined up for you at PWW's first-ever pay-per-view, including a Tag Team Title Match between The Bella Twins and The Jumping Bomb Angels!
LM: And for the first time ever in professional wrestling, a Queen of the Ring tournament!
LM: The eight women involved will fight it out to crown both a Queen of the Ring and the first PWW Women's Champion!
*even more cheers*
LM: First-round matchups are as follows:
Trish Stratus vs Jackie Gayda Natalya Neidhart vs Maria Kanellis Ivory vs Eve Torres Alexa Bliss vs Nidia
*McMahon and Rousey leave the ring to massive cheers as we *FADE*
Stone Cold and Stephanie McMahon walk up to the Commissioner's door, where they are greeted by Miss Hancock and Miss Tessmacher.
Miss Tessmacher: Please have a seat. The Commissioner will be with you momentarily.
Miss Hancock: If there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable . . . and I mean, anything--
Austin: Well, as a matter of fact, there is something you can do for ol' Stone Cold--
Austin reaches into his pants.
Austin pulls out a bottle opener.
Austin: What? I was going to ask for a Stevewiser. I figured this is a classy place, they use bottles.
A deep, crackly voice echoes from the Commissioner's Office.
Voice: Send Them In.
Austin and McMahon enter to face a desk and chair facing away from them. The voice speaks to them through a voice box, Darth Vader style.
Voice: I cannot tell you . . . how much I enjoy having you here . . . to serve me. You two never had faith in me. You never believed in me. You never wanted to give me a chance.
McMahon: Who are you?
Austin: I'll be a son of a bitch, is that Kane?
McMahon: Not everyone with a voice box is Kane.
Austin: Well, it ain't Supreme Leader Snoke, because they killed him in the middle of the movie.
Voice: You embarrassed me on television. You tried to end my dream before it began. And Stephanie . . . just as I had overcome everything, just as I was becoming a superstar, you fired me for speaking out against your pay practices. But look at me now.
The chair spins around to reveal the Commissioner.
Commissioner Ariane: That's right, bitches. Ariane is back.
Austin: . . .
McMahon: . . .
Austin: . . .
McMahon: . . .
McMahon: Fuck it, I'm out of here for today.
Stephanie McMahon gets up and exits. Ariane yells after her. Ariane: Don't you dare walk out on me! You want to walk out on me, I'm putting you in a match! Stephanie McMahon vs. AJ Lee, with your Commissionership on the line.
Stephanie just shrugs and walks out.
Stone Cold starts laughing.
Austin: Hey, good thing you can't put ol' Stone Cold in a match. Where's my beer?
Ariane: No, I can't put you in a match. But I can put you on commentary with me. And you're going to sit next to me, and you are going to call the rematch, the repeat performance, of the greatest match in wrestling history.
Ariane pulls a rope and drops a banner.
Melina vs. Alicia Fox II
The Legend Continues
Special Commentary Team: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin & Ariane Andrew
We’re back from commercial and Paul Heyman is standing in the ring, with a microphone in his hand.
Paul Heyman: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is [Crowd participates] PAUL HEYMAN!
[Crowd goes nuts]
Heyman: And ladies and gentlemen, I am the advocate for YOUR REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED WWE CHAMPION THE WORLD...
[Crowd reaches a fever pitch]
Heyman: The most dangerous woman—[voice immediately drops] I have to apologize, I misspoke—[voice picks back up]the most dangerous PERSON walking this or any planet...the Beast Incarnate...
Megadeth’s In My Darkest Hour hits, and the WWE World Champion makes her way to the ring, taking her sweet time, and scaring little kids along the way.
Heyman: Since WrestleMania, Bull Nakano has waited patiently for a challenger to step up to the plate, and no one has been ready for the fight that Bull Nakano can bring. Each time someone appears to be worthy, they fall. [Pauses to look at the crowd.] So now I ask, once more, with this newly drafted crop of athletes in WWE, who is the next victim for your champion... [Pauses once more] BULL...NAKANO!
And at that point the arena goes dark, except the HD enhanced stage, which turns full orange. A familiar theme hits and out comes EMBER MOON!
Announcers: WOOOWWWWWWWWWWW! Ember Moon isn’t waiting her turn, guys. She is here and she wants to take on the Beast Incarnate herself.
Ember Moon enters the ring, and immediately steps up to Bull Nakano. Heyman is off-mic but easily heard warning Ember “You don’t want to do this! You have a very promising career ahead of you, and you do NOT want it to end tonight!”
Ember won’t have any of it, as she shoves Heyman away. She immediately turns back to Nakano, gives her the signature Ember Moon smirk, and turns to leave. Bull looks to attack, but Ember was ready for that, and hits a spin kick that rocks the champ, but does not knock her off of her feet. Ember charges, but Bull ducks the clothesline and hits a German Suplex!
Bull slowly picks Ember up, and hits another German Suplex!
Paul Heyman gets back to his feet, as Bull locks in Angelito (inverted sharpshooter/double chicken wing, renamed for modern-day wrestling as “The Horns Of The Bull.”)
Heyman: Ember Moon, welcome to the big leagues! I tried to warn you, but you didn't listen. Now you know...when you mess with the Bull, you get The Horns!
Bull Nakano drops Ember Moon out of the hold, stands up, looks at Heyman, who smiles and nods, and Nakano picks up Ember for a third German Suplex!
Heyman: Oh, and one more thing. WELCOME TO SU-PLEX CIT-TEE...BITCH!