[DrMcAwesome]

OOWF Saturday Slam – Aug, 26, 2023
OOWF Arena – Asheville, North Carolina

• War Games-like Match: Pete Quick, Angie Delpetro, Liam, Nigel and Awesome Bill From Dawsonville vs. Jack Quinn, PORK, Katie Bardoor and The Woodsmen

• Lexie Darling and Lindsay McAllister vs. The Frenemies

• Mac Flasher and Sandra Fallon vs. Nuke and Annie

• Zed and Sean Franklin vs. The One-Notes

• OOWF World Championship qualifier: Alexander Darling vs. Beverly Cambridge

• Jeff Mangyuniku vs. Rory Thomas

Card subject to thinking of a good "card subject to" premise 

[Zed]

Following their match on Saturday Slam, Zed is seen walking away from Sean Franklin and BRICK~! as he is making his way out of the OOWF Arena, with Sean pleading his case.

SF: C'mon, man, talk to me. I know you're mad, but - 

Z: No.

SF:  - Dude, it's not like I slipped on purpose -

Z: Please stop talking.

SF:  - So you're just going to stay mad at me now? What is your problem -

Zed finally stops and turns to face Sean, who has to stop in his tracks to avoid running face-first into Zed.

Z: I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the situation. I will be over it in the morning. But I need you ... *glancing over Sean's shoulder at BRICK~!* ... both of you ... to leave me alone for tonight, and I need you to do it now. Thank you.

Zed walks away as Sean and BRICK~! look at each other uneasily. As Zed walks away, shaking his head, he sees Josie in the distance talking with her "clients," Bridget and Kylie, after their win, with smiles on all of their faces. Zed takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

Z: *quietly, to himself* Fuck me.

Zed relaxes and leans against the wall, observing the conversation quietly for a few seconds before walking in another direction as we FADE.

[Jack Quinn]

<we cut to the Shokan Dojo where Jack lies face down on a massage table while Kali picks glass out of his skull. She looks at Jack's back and shakes her head and gives a disapproving look>

J: Something is bothering you

K: No

J: Kali......

K: How many stitches did it take to close up all the cuts on your back?

J: Ummmm........I think the final count was something like 250ish

K: And in your head?

J: Ummm, like 30 on my face......no idea how many on my scalp

<a long silence passes between them>

K: So.......was it worth it?

<Jack slowly sits up, wincing, clearly in pain. We now see that he is covered in bruises as well>

J: Yes

K: <shaking her head> I cannot see how

J: Because now I get Quick one on one

K: Maybe

J: What?

K: Have you seen the lineup for this week?

J: No, not yet. I figured I would have a match against Angie or something.

K: Nope, well......sort of

J: What do you mean......sort of?

K: Well, you're in a tag match

J: Oh, ok......with PORK and Katie?

K: Yep........and the Woodsmen

J: <laughing> I like those guys. Ok.....so that's five of us.....I presume it will be against Quick and his crew. Nothing to be worried about

K: It's a war games match

J: <thinking for a moment> Ok.......not a problem

K: <finally exploding> NOT A PROBLEM? Jack two days ago, ten men tried to murder you. Quick wants no part of a match against you, and now he will get you, at FAR LESS than 100%, in a WAR GAMES match!

J: I have PORK, Katie and the Woodsmen. <kissing her on the forehead and standing> It will be fine

<Jack walks to the deck and stands looking out over Asheville>

K: You don't seem very disturbed by this

J: I'm not

K: how can you not be concerned?

J: <turning to Kali> Because Fire was right.

K: What do you mean?

J: What she said about Firewoman and Moosehead Jack.......she was right. When I disappeared a few months ago, I kind of thought that, but hearing her say it.......hearing her ADMIT to it.......it changed everything.

K: How?

J: Because now I control Moosehead Jack...........I decide when he comes out. Quick has no idea what he's done. The Moose he knows is the out of control psychopath Moose, at Hell on Earth, he is going to get a chance to see a laser focused Moosehead Jack in the form of Jack Quinn.

<Kali stares at him for a moment, somewhat horrified>

K: Have you decided on what match you want against Quick?

<Jack gives an evil grin, then lights a cigar and we fade>

[L!zz~]

(As most of the occupants of the compound plus Lexie and Lindsay headed out, Beverly went looking for Zed winding up and down halls till she finally spied him, sitting on the floor, his back to the wall and a hoodie over his head. She paused and slowed her approach. He seemed to sense her and looked up, he sighed but before he could rise and walk away she sat next to him)

Zed just looked forward.

"Want to talk about it?" Bev asked quietly.

"Talk about what?" Zed responded without looking at her.

"All of it." Was the reply

Zed did glance at her, quiet for a moment. Than shook his head. "No." He said, in a tone that shut down any further attempts.

Bev nodded and sat back, stretching her legs out in front of her and just sitting quietly next to him, like they have done a thousand times, thru all of time and space, in the best and worst time.

Zed let out a breath and laid his head back against the wall.
Bev shifted, so their shoulders touched..she felt him stiffen but she was relieved when he didn't move.


(The INC slowly backs up and fades away)

[L!zz~]

(Josie followed her aunts, pleading with one or more to get a strawberry Frosty.)

It was Lexie who caved, not caring if she annoyed the actual aunts "You know what? It's summer. Summer means late night ice creams. Let's all get frostys and fries to dip in them. We deserve them and you've been great all week and working hard on your secret project. Ky and Bridget. I know you don't like sugar late at night for her. But I promise if she's crazy ill deal with it."

Kylie looked at her and nodded. "Sure. Ok. But don't say we didn't warn you."

The others laughed as Spencer googled the nearest Wendy's or ice cream shop.

(Fade)

[Zed]

After a workout at the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center, Zed and Sean Franklin are packing up to leave.

Z: Before you go, sit down. I need to ask you a question.

SF: Look, if it's about Satu -

Z: It's not about Saturday, relax. That's in the past, we can't change it. 

Zed points to a bench in the locker room area, and Sean obliges and sits down to face Zed.

Z: Do you believe in me?

Sean stares blankly back at him.

Z: C'mon, NC State boy, I didn't ask a complicated question here. Yes or no.

SF: I know I said some stuff when I first got here -

Z: *quietly, but sternly* The next word out of your mouth needs to be either 'yes' or 'no,' Sean.

Realizing the seriousness behind Zed's inquiry, he looks directly at him.

SF: Yes. 

Z: Okay. Then I don't give a shit about the rest. But if you don't believe, this isn't going to work.

SF: Do you believe it will work?

Zed starts to formulate a response, but catches himself, thinking about his demand not 15 seconds ago.

Z: Yes. 

They continue to stare at each other for a few seconds.

Z: Alright. I'll be going then.

SF: Wait, that was it?

Z: All I needed to know. Got some homework to do tonight. See you tomorrow, Sean.

SF: Oookay? See you tomorrow.

Zed walks out of the locker room as Sean tries to decipher what this conversation was all about and we FADE.

[Zed]

Zed is sitting at a table in a ... suit and tie? What? He has his MacBook open and his hands folded on his lap as he waits patiently. Shortly after the scene begins, we hear a door open and Zed stands up.

Z: Thank you for joining me, ma'am, I promise I'll keep this conversation brief.

The camera pans to show Josie with a briefcase, in what would be described as business casual attire. 

J: Please, have a seat.

Josie and Zed sit down across from each other at the table.

J: I understand you'd like to re-negotiate our agreement regarding your ring attire.

Z: Yes, I was actually hoping to expand on our current arrangement.

J: That's great news. I hope you understand that production has already begun on the attire previously agreed upon, so we won't be able to make any alterations to that design at this time.

Z: That's no problem. I was actually reaching out to see if we could add another attire to the agreement, one that could potentially be worn in the more immediate future.

J: I see. Production is tight at the moment, but we might be able to squeeze you in with a simple design.

Z: That's what I had in mind. I was thinking very similar to my current design, just a different color.

J: Interesting, interesting. We might be able to work something out then. What were you looking to spend on this?

Z: Spend? 

J: Surely you understand this business can't operate on goodwill and charity.

Z: Business?!

J: Yes, our demand has increased considerably in the past two weeks. Opus has put in a mass order for some slippers.

Z: What does a penguin do with slippers? You know what, don't answer that. Alright. Five dollars?

J: Respectfully, that doesn't even cover the cost of the material.

Z: You're a child!

J: I'm sorry, I thought you came to me asking for help.

Zed shakes his head and takes a deep breath through his nose.

J: 25 dollars.

Z: What do you need 25 dollars for?!

J: Need? The material for your order. Want? The new Sean Franklin Funko Pop! figurine.

Z: *rolling his eyes* Fucking BRICK~!.

J: Make it 26 dollars.

Z: Alright, alright, alright. 15 dollars, plus 1 dollar for just saying the f-word, plus a homework pass for one night of your English homework.

J: You drive a hard bargain.

Z: I've learned from the best. Do we have a deal?

J: Make it $21 and the homework pass.

Z: What is this, Pawn Stars? Best I can do is $17.50 and the homework pass.

Josie and Zed stare at each other unblinking across the table.

J: Fine. Deal.

They shake hands.

Z: I'll email you the details regarding the new order.

J: I look forward to beginning work on it.

Zed opens the door and holds it for Josie as they leave the room and we FADE. 

[L!zz~]

(Beverly is seen in her office. She is at her desk, multiple screens are running but privacy software doesn't let you see what is on them. As there is a knock at the door, she calls come in and she presses a button on the keyboard to make the screens go black.)

Josie, still in business casual and briefcase in hand enters. "Ms. Cambridge, I wondered if you had a few minutes for me?"

Beverly hid her amusement and rose, nodding. "Miss. Mignolio, of course. Please have a seat. " The ginger gestured to the table in the room. Josie thanked her and went to the table. Placing her briefcase on it, she popped it open and withdrew a file. She placed it on the table and moved the briefcase to the side.

"Would you like a drink?" Beverly asked her.

"Thank you. If you have strawberry milk that would be perfect otherwise water is fine. "

Bev went to the small refrigerator in her office and retrieved the milk and a water for herself. Taking some napkins, she placed the beverage near her niece than sat. "So, what is this meeting about?"

Josie slid the slightly sparkly folder across the table. "I would like to discuss a line of credit. JoPus Creations has recently had several orders placed and we need to purchase a few new items to help with production..everything is outlined in the proposal, including Ms. Spencer agreeing to act as signee for all purchases."

Beverly sipped her water as she read thru the proposal. "Very impressive proposal. I have a few questions."

Josie swallowed her sip of milk and wiped her mouth. Folding her hands on the table she looked her aunt in the eyes. "Proceed."

"JoPus is an interesting name..I'm assuming Opus is your silent partner?"

"My partner wishes to name anonymous but as long as it doesn't leave this room, yes. You'd find out anyway."

"I see. However, the amount he put in for start up, doesn't equal the total. Where did the rest of the funds come from. It lists personal."

Josie didn't flinch. "As implied, I used my own personal funds other than my alloted home economics budget, I used funds from other streams of income. "

Beverly eyed her niece. "Would you care to expand on these other streams of income?"

"All of the funds I put in came directly from the monies collected from various parties upon their use of profanity. "

"That's suppose to be saved for college."

Josie looked at her aunt. "It's merely been suggested that I save some or close to all it for such things. It was never made a rule. Also, that account still has a significant amount of money in it. We also know that I already have quite the college fund."

Bev nodded, appeased with the answer. She moved on, "I see that Opus has placed a large order of slippers. What does a penguin need with slippers?"

"Do you have any idea how many penguins needlessly suffer from frost nip?" Josie asked

"No..." Bev replied as Josie continued. "It's quite high. Opus plans to donate many to the poorer areas and sell to the richer.."

Beverly nodded, "Very wise of him." She flipped thru the papers again. "And I see you have several orders for professional entertainment gear?" She looked at her niece. "Might I ask what constitutes professional entertainment gear?"

"I'm sure you're aware that Mr. Zed has contracted my services to design and create his new attire. "

Bev nodded. "I do. I was just making sure." She closed the folder. "Alright. I'll have an answer in 48 hours."

Josie reached into her briefcase, taking out a card she handed it to Bev as she rose. "My card. My assistants name and number is on the bottom. Please contact them to arrange a meeting." They shook hands and Josie, strawberry milk in hand, let herself out.

Beverly glanced at the card. It was high quality, also slightly sparkly. JoPus Creations. As she saw the name for the contact she shook her head.

She had been putting it off, but it was time to have a house meeting..


(Fade)

[Jack Quinn]

<we see Shokan Dojo walking down the hall. They get to a door and pause before it.>

PORK: Well.....this is it

Katie: Are you sure this is necessary? These guys are a bunch of wankers

Jack: Look, we are teaming with them in a War Games match, we can at least hear them out.

K: Fine, let's get this over with

<the three walk into the room, it is empty, they look around and shrug, then take a seat. As soon as they sit down, the lights dim and dramatic music comes on and Voice Over Guy comes on>

VOG: In the annals of history

J: Hey! It's Voice Over Guy!

VOG: Umm......please don't interrupt

J: Sorry

VOG: <ahem> In the annals of history, few matches have transcended the sport of professional wrestling in terms of sheer danger <clips of Foley vs. Taker> sheer violence <clips of Sheepherders vs. Fantastics> or technical prowess <Steamboat vs. Flair>. Next week the OOWF presents........WAR GAMES......the truest test of man's ability to withstand the tortures of hell. Five men on each side enter, none will ever be the same again. Careers will be made, and destroyed. Lives will be forever altered and all will be willingly sacrificed at the altar of War Games, all must be surrendered to win, the ultimate sacrifice must be made.

<the lights come back up, and the three sit in silence for another moment>

K: Well. That was uplifting

<before anything else can be said, stage hands come into the room carrying three very large boxes. They set them down and leave>

K: What the hell is this?

J: They appear to be boxes

P: I swear if Abdullah the Butcher jumps out of one of those boxes......

<from the distance we hear fanfare>

K: Oh god

<Dakota and Hunter burst into the room>

D: GREETINGS!

H: SALUTATIONS FELLOW GRAPPLERS!

D: We have just come from the deepest darkest woods of West Asheville! We have been on assignment doing out research on WAR GAMES!

H: We traveled to Cherokee to talk to the Natives about how they would fight

D: It did not go well!

H: It did not!

D: BUT! We were able to gather enough information to create.....

H: A PRESENTATION!

D: BULLY FOR PRESENTATIONS!

Both: BULLY!

K: <standing up> I am NOT sitting here listening to a presentation by these two dicknuts

D: Miss Katie.....I feel as though we have wronged you in some way......so, we come bearing gifts! Please, just another moment of your time!

K: <sitting down heavily> Fine. Make it quick.

H: Indubitably! <turning to Jack> Woodsman Jack! When we rescued you from the treacherous terrain of Asheville, you commented that you were strong, like a Moose! So <opening the box> We had this made FOR YOU!

<he pulls it out, and it is a giant Moose headpiece <look up Moose Cholak for an example. Hunter sets it atop Jack's head and shoulders with great ceremony and pomp>

Both: BULLY FOR CEREMONY AND POMP!

D: <turning to PORK> And Mr. PORK....you have earned your name! You show the ruthless cunning of a wild boar, the fearlessness, the pants soiling terror of being caught at night by their beady red eyes.....

H: <whispering to Dakota> I thought we were keeping that soiling thing private?

D: I mean......for you, PORK! I give you the head ware of a mighty wild boar!

<he pulls out another and it is a wild boar head, complete with tusks and a snarl, they set it on PORK's head with great pomp and ceremony>

Both: BULLY FOR POMP AND CEREMONY!

VOG: Yeah....Bully! I mean.....wow, PORK, you look terrifying!

P: Thanks?

H: <turning to Katie> And finally, Miss Katie.....to mend our ways, we wanted to do something extra special for you! You combine a ferocity that, well, quite honestly terrifies us, though.....

Both: WOODSMEN FEAR NO MAN OR ANIMAL <meekly> but kinda Katie

H: So we got you.....

<Hunter pulls out a grizzly bear head and places it on Katie's head and shoulders with great pomp and ceremony>

Both: BULLY FOR POMP AND CEREMONY!

K: Wait, you two jokers KILLED a grizzly bear?

H: EGADS NO!

K: A Woodsman's job is to PROTECT the wild! Not to kill it!

K: <reaching to take off the Grizzly head> That's what I thought

H: Woodswoman Katie! All these animals met their natural conclusion! We had teams of experts following them around waiting for their peaceful demise!

D: That grizzly bear passed away peacefully in it's sleep!........after eating two of our assistants!

Both: <taking off their hats and covering their hearts> BULLY FOR ASSISTANTS!

D: <moving to take the hat from Katie> But if our gift is not wanted, we understand!

K: If you touch it, I will tear your arm off and beat you with it

Both: <staring in confusion>

K: If this bear ate two of you, I'm keeping it

Both: BULLY!

H: So, you'll watch the presentation?

J: After all these wonderful gifts? Of course!

<Hunter hits play>

To win war games, it is best to have the last man enter the match before the Match Beyond starts

<the presentation ends>

K: THAT was your presentation?

D: Brevity is a core tenet of a Woodsman!

P: Umm......one problem.....who has the man advantage? Us, or Quick?

H: A MYSTERY!

D: THIS SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR <kazoo fanfare> THE WOODSMEN! TO GM the SHIZZ'S OFFICE!

<they strike a pose and rush out of the room leaving Jack, Katie and PORK all sitting there wearing their hats>

J: Well. That was a thing.

P: Are we supposed to keep wearing these?

K: Are we supposed to wrestle in them?

J: WOODSMAN PORK, WOODSWOMAN KATIE! PERHAPS WE SHOULD GO SEARCH FOR OUR OWN CLUES!

<they get up to leave>

K: Don't you start that crap

<fade>

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA finds MAC FLASHER in his apartment when SANDRA FALLON taps on his door. MAC answers to see SANDRA, with a timid and worried expression on her face, stands at the doorway and all but shoves her way in as MAC cracks open the door*

SANDRA: “Brah. Like where have you been since last weekend? You’ve barely existed.”

MAC: “Is Kayfabe around?

SF: “Naw, brah. She’s at Josie’s back-to-school rager.”

MF: “Figures that she’s invited and I’m not … Wait. That’s not the point. Since Kayfabe isn’t around, I can answer with this.”

*MAC takes a deep breath*

MF: “So, work has been a bear this week with a big high school football preview on my plate to lay out and edit. This was also the first week of the newest Madden game coming out, and since it’s actually fun and good, I’ve been playing and streaming a bunch on my Twitch channel. I just suck at juggling time sometimes.”

SF: “So you’re still a part of this?”

MF: “I am 100% committed to OOWF in ways that will pacify Kayfabe and ways that will make her glare at me.”

SF: “Whew! That’s a relief. So, speaking of committed … Are you committed to this tag team match? Are you committed to us as a tag team, because I’m getting a vibe that you’re still a bit uneasy about it all, even when you said all of those things on the podcast.”

MF: “Well … I am, but I have a history of thinking that I have allies in this company only to have those thoughts be horribly wrong as I’m beaten to a pulp.”

SF: “Dude. That’s pro wrestling. Everybody loves and hates everyone.”

MF: “For me, it’s a bit deeper, I guess. You know my pre-OOWF life. I guess I need a little extra convincing that people have my back. Zed burned me in 2017. While we’re cool now, it still sticks out as massive red flag in my brain. When I turned on Bridget in 2019, I just did it because when the Saints of Sinners surrounded the ring, my first thought was that Bridget was about to screw me over because she pushed so hard to have this match in Johnstown … Which, by the way, I am never competing in again. So, I guess it’s one of those cases where I have allies, but I just can’t let my guard down enough to embrace that someone has my back entirely.”

*SANDRA lunges in for a kiss, startling MAC and leaving him completely flustered and confused*

SF: “Brah, I hope that convinced you.”

*MAC is completely incapable of speech while staring at the wall*

SF: “Well, think of a tag-team name for us, because you’re the creative one out of us and we’ve got Nuke and Annie Horvath this week.”

*SANDRA kisses MAC on the forehead and departs as MAC still has barely moved while the scene fades*

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA finds BRIDGET O’MALLEY at The ZeBevKy Compound which may not be named that any longer, but it might be because reasons. Anyhow this is during cleanup from JOSIE's very polite and subdued back-to-school gathering as BRIDGET feels her phone vibrate in her jacket pocket, prompting her to check the alert. BRIDGET then watches a video on her phone, which is obviously MAC and SANDRA’s promo from just a few minutes ago. BRIDGET then gets red-faced, screams and throws her phone onto the ground, which causes KYLIE MIGNOLIO to race into the room*

KYLIE: “What’s …”

BRIDGET: “THAT SON OF A BITCH! I’M GOING TO …”

KM: “Who?”

BO’M: “MAC! HE FUCKING KISSED HER!”

KM: “Sandra?”

BO’M: “Who the fuck else? God! I’m … AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

KM *while pondering for a second if BRIDGET has to contribute to JOSIE’s swear jar*: “Fallon? Just now?”

*BRIDGET picks up her phone and forwards to the moment just before SANDRA lunged in*

KM: “OK. So … I don’t think Mac had any idea that this was happening. I’ve seen that look from him. You probably have, too. Especially if he made himself vulnerable just before that happened. No idea why, but Mac when he’s vulnerable gets unintended romantic results.”

B’OM: “He did nothing to stop her!”

KM: “Why are you even mad? You hated him for almost four years. You two finally start talking again and he’s always the one that has to initiate the conversation. If anything, right now he’s thinking about feelings that she has for him that he never anticipated. I don’t think he saw this as more than a friendship with a bit of mentorship on the side.”

BO’M: “He was mine first and I technically never broke up with him. He broke up with me. Now he’s probably banging her! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!”

KM: “Well, he was actually mine before … You know what? I’m going to bed. I’m not getting involved in any capacity. I’ll trust that you can figure out your life for once.”

*KYLIE heads out of the room and toward her bedroom as BRIDGET seethes while the scene fades*

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA find HUNTER and DAKOTA – THE WOODSMEN – in their training cabin as DAKOTA is on a laptop with HUNTER looking over his shoulder*

HUNTER: “Dakota. Woodsman Jack has tasked us with finding out who would hold the advantage in this War Games match. Let us use our exclusive Woodsmen information application, Wikipedia, to gain this answer.”

DAKOTA: “I believe we were supposed to consult Interim GM Sizzlechest Manbeef-Cox and not the internet.”

H: “Poppycock! Sizzlechest is sleeping. He told me so when I called him at 3:30 this morn. Why anyone would be asleep at 3:30 a.m. is beyond me, that is the best time to be awake to witness nature’s calm majesty.”

D: “It says here that it is usually the heel team that has the advantage.”

H: “The heel team?” *HUNTER takes off his boot and inspects it* “… I guess that would be advantageous in donnybrooks when many stomps are involved, but I would rather be on the toe team, where we can attack with forward momentum. A Woodsman always advances.”

D: “It says that the heel team usually is found to be in advantage to generate heat.”

H: “Heat? Why would we need that? The forecast says that it will be 88 in Asheville on Saturday. As members of The Toe Team, we will generate pleasant breezes with our kicking motions. Those in attendance will surely support our cause as we provide them with comforting cool breezes.”

D: “BULLY TO BREEZES!”

H: “Come Hunter, we must tell Woodsman Jack that we wish to be on The Toe Team, as to curry the crowd’s favor on a very warm Saturday.”

D: “THE TOE TEAM!”

*DAKOTA closes the laptop, but not before playing kazoo fanfare that prompts HUNTER to pose with his hand across his brow while DAKOTA stands and steps on an imaginary rock as the scene fades*

[Jack Quinn]

<PORK, Katie and Jack are sitting in the video room of Shokan Dojo watching an old War Games match>

J: I am looking forward to this

K: Your back still looks like sausage

P: Yeah, how can you be looking forward to.....

<Jack holds up a finger and PORK stops>

J: Because I get to do.........THAT...to Quick

<We see JJ Dillion LAUNCHED into the cage face first>

K: Fair enough

<just then, we hear kazoo fanfare in the distance>

K: goddamn it

<The Woodsmen burst through the door>

H: GREETINS FELLOW WOODSPEOPLE!

D: AND SALUTATIONS FELLOW GRAPPLERS!

<Katie glares, PORK chuckles>

H: Woodsman Jack! We have a request to make, and I think it will be the key to our victory!

D: We want to be the TOE TEAM!

J: The what?

D: the TOE team! We are told that they would be a heel team! And as Woodsmen, we follow our toes, ALWAYS FORWARD!

both: BULLY FOR MOVING FORWARD!

K: That's it

<Katie stands up and starts to pull her shirt off>

VOG: SHIRT OFF FISTS UP!

J: Voice Over Guy, no. Katie.....

<Katie sits down, clearly annoyed>

H: We interrogated GM the Shizz and he said the heel team would have the man advantage in order to get heat

D: And after doing some CUNNING INVESTIGATIVE WORK

both: BULLY FOR CUNNING INVESTIGATIVE WORK!

D: We discovered that it will be quite warm in Asheville on Saturday! And as Woodsmen, we know how important hydration is! So....

<Hunter and Dakota look around the room as if looking for spies>

D: ......if we let them have the heat, THEY are more likely to get dehydrated and run the risk of the worst thing that can happen!

K: Death?

H: HEAVENS NO! This is a PG program!

J: You've never watched a second of the old OOWF, have you?

H: We have it on our playlist! But no! The worst fate a wrestler can suffer is......

both: PAINFUL CRAMPS!

<Katie looks at Jack, as if pleading to be allowed to murder them>

both: ANTIPATHY TO PAINFUL CRAMPS!

P: Ok.....so, you told GM the Shizz that we would allow Quick to have the man advantage because you want to be the toe team, and toes move forward.....

K: What if you're walking backward?

P: shh....and if they were the heal team, they would get more heat, which would dehydrate them allowing them to fall prey to painful cramps

both: ....

K: ONE MORE TIME AND I PULL OUT YOUR TONGUES

H: Woodsman PORK is correct! Dakota and I have analyzed this plan, and we see NO flaws!

J: Ok.....well then. Sounds like we have to decide an order of entrance.

<Jack looks at the INC and we fade to black>

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA find BRIDGET O’MALLEY storming to the SPIN HANSEN Memorial Training Center where SANDRA FALLON is using the facilities to train. After a set of reps on the squat rack, SANDRA sees BRIDGET staring holes through her. SANDRA, blissfully unaware, takes out her AirPods and approaches BRIDGET, who is itching for confrontation*

BRIDGET: “Just what the hell was that, Fallon?!”

SANDRA: “That was me squatting, brah. Not my personal best, but enough to wrap up a pretty intense leg day.”

BO’M: “No. Sunday. What the fuck was that?”

SF: “Oh … Sunday. That was me giving Mac assurance that he’s not alone in OOWF. I won’t let it happen as long as I’m here.”

BO’M: “Exactly how ‘not alone’ is he?”

SF: “Brah, ask him. He’s been super weird since Sunday.”

BO’M: “I see. Well … He was mine …”

SF: “I know. I saw the video. You’re still claiming him, but he’s not exactly recognizing that as the truth. Look, this isn’t who I want to be, but I’m saying it anyway … Maybe if you’d be there for him more than throwing in a towel in his return match when you were barely talking to him, this confusion between you two wouldn’t exist. What I did Sunday was me acting in a moment, because if you care for him like you suddenly project, you’re doing a horrible job of showing him. I care for him. Where that will lead isn’t 100% my call, but at least he knows where I stand. You just hide in that compound and stalk him through OOWF.tv, thinking that he’ll just snap back into what you two were. Again, this is not how I normally address people, brah, but you have been a shitty friend to Mac if you can even say that you’re a friend of his.”

BO’M: “But I’m his best friend … We … We did everything together as kids. We came up through OOWF together. We were rocks for each other … I … You’re just trying to take someone that is mine. Mac and I are going to rebuild! I BOUGHT HIM THAT SANDWICH, BY THE WAY! We just need …”

SF *while putting her hand on BRIDGET’s shoulder and staring her in the eye*: “Brah, I don’t think there is a ‘we’ as far as you two go right now, and Mac isn’t to blame.”

*SANDRA puts her AirPods back in and brushes past BRIDGET, who is muttering justifications to herself as the scene fades*

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA find HUNTER and DAKOTA, THE WOODSMEN, standing at the entrance of the OOWF Bladejob Deli*

HUNTER: “Pep up, Dakota! I have electronically telegraphed the proprietor of this establishment to prepare our lunch items so that we can pick up and continue our training today as The Toe Team with Woodspersons Jack, PORK and Katie.”

DAKOTA: “THE TOE TEAM!”

*HUNTER and DAKOTA open the door and are in an immediate brawl with NIGEL, LIAM and ANGIE DELPETRO, nearly succumbing to the numbers game as NIGEL and LIAM are set to powerbomb HUNTER through a conveniently placed buffet table when an UNLIKELY SAVIOR rushes in and drills LIAM in the kneecap with a metal baton. The UNLIKELY SAVIOR then brains NIGEL with the same baton and scares off ANGIE before helping THE WOODSMEN back to their feet*

H: “Egads! Woodswoman Katie. We are indebted to your quick thinking and your heroism!”

KATIE: “Stuff it, dicknuts. I’m just making sure that you two clowns make it to Saturday. Screw it up on Saturday and this baton gets broken off in both of your asses.”

*KATIE collapses the baton and walks out, paying no mind to the downed bodies of NIGEL and LIAM*

D: “Would that baton even fit in our …”

H: “Quell your fear, Dakota. Woodswoman Katie has shown clear signs of being under the romantic spell of The Woodsmen …” *DAKOTA plays fanfare on his trusty alphorn kazoo while HUNTER and DAKOTA strike their familiar poses* “… She is merely expressing her desires for a night of romps after we defeat this heel team. After our crisp and decisive victory on ‘Saturday Slam,’ we will show Woodswoman Katie a night of great adventure and action.”

D: “‘Pitfall’ on our state-of-the-art Atari 2600 projected through our massive 18-inch television?”

H: “BULLY TO ATARI! If Woodswoman Katie proves herself a worthy gamer, we may even play the greatest video game of all time. 'E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial.'”

*HUNTER and DAKOTA take their orders from the pick-up rack as the scene fades*

[Zed]

Zed is sitting alone, expressionless, outside the ZeBevKy Compound one night. Behind him, we see Kylie Mignolio step outside and take a seat beside Zed.

KM: Isn't it a little too humid for this?

Z: Probably.

KM: Are you actually enjoying this weather?

Z: Not really.

KM: So what are you doing?

Z: *offering the slightest smirk* Well, I was enjoying some peace and quiet, but here we are.

KM: Well, excuse me - 

Z: You're fine, relax. It's just ... a lot sometimes, that's all. Have to get away and clear my head every once in a while. Besides, this is cheaper than buying a new phone every two weeks.

KM: Sure.

There are a few moments of silence.

KM: I need to ask you something.

Z: Mhm.

KM: What's going on?

Z: I'm sitting outside.

KM: You know what I mean.

Z: Look, I know you're probably not thrilled with my efforts to ... focus Josie's energy on the behind-the-scenes aspect of what we do, but I figure it's better to go about it this way than build resentment that will - 

KM: I'm not talking about that either. I'm saving that for the big meeting.

Z: The one where we're renaming the compound?

KM: Something like that. Now answer my question.

Zed's eyes narrow.

Z: I'd rather not.

Zed and Kylie look at each other. Kylie clearly isn't satisfied with the non-answer, but knows pressing further will only frustrate Zed.

KM: Okay. Well, I'll leave you to sweating to death out here then.

Z: Ah, come on, it's not even that hot this week.

KM: Don't look at your phone for this weekend, then.

Kylie stands up and walks outside as Zed remains seated and we FADE.

[L!zz~]

(Ashley is sorting the mail into appropriate cubbies at the entrance of the soon to be name compound when the bell rang. Turning, she opened the door to a floral delivery. )

The driver handed off the large base of roses. "Delivery for Beverly Cambridge. " he said. Ashley took them, placing them on a table. She fished in her pockets for some money, giving it to the delivery man after signing his tablet. He thanked her and turned to leave

Ashley sighed as she eyed the flowers. "Not dating my ass" she mumbled. She pulled out her phone texting Bev. They needed to have a chat.

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA find MAC FLASHER in his apartment when his phone buzzes. The feed immediately goes into a split-screen with the text message coming from JOSIE*

JOSIE: “are you 2 a thing?”

MAC: “Did Bridget put you up to this?”

J: “no … lol”

MF: “I’m not sure what is happening. I wasn’t expecting that to happen.”

J: “she likes u!”

MF: “I gathered.”

J: “gotta go! Tio Zed and his friend Sean need new tights by Saturday.”

MF: “I’m sure they’re looking forward to that.”

J: “it’ll be awesome! l8er!”

*the feed returns to just showing MAC when his phone begins ringing, the feed splits the screen again to show that BRIDGET O’MALLEY is calling, which MAC lets go to voicemail. The feed then shows MAC’s home screen noting 37 missed calls, all presumably from BRIDGET, while MAC sighs and places his phone face down on his desk as the scene fades*

[L!zz~]

(Ashley is now seen in Beverly's office, with Bev standing far, far away from the roses.)

"Read the card, for me. Please. " Beverly asked her. Ashley sighed, "You're acting so weird. We know who they are from." She plucked the card from it's little holder. "B, The time with you has been eye opening. I enjoyed every moment. Can't wait to do it again. C."

Ashley looked at her. "Where do you want them?" "Not in here. Or any where I go. Why don't you take them to your suite? You and Spencer can enjoy them."

"Beverly Cambridge! The man you're dating just spent a fortune on roses and you are giving them away?"

Beverly sneezed. Several times in a row. "I'm deathly allergic to roses. My eyes are going to start running soon and if I'm around them my throat gets scratchy. And we aren't dating!" She sneezed several times again.

Ashley looked at her. "You're not? Cause everyone thinks you are. Especially one person." She gave Bev a knowing look.

Bev sighed, "I know what he thinks but we aren't dating. I've known Claudio for years. He wants what everyone wants. Information."

Ashley paused before shaking her head. "I don't know Bev. You better make sure he knows where you stand and you need to talk to ..you know who."

"I tried. He won't talk."

Her friend picked up the vase and headed towards the door. "Try harder." She let herself out, smirking as she heard Bev sneeze again as the door slammed shut.

(Fade)

[L!zz~]

(Kylie and Spencer are with Josie. Kylie is laying out the spangles to get the effect as Josie is bent over a sewing machine.)

Spencer is inspecting the seam on an already done pair of tights, that still needs to have it's finishing touches. She glances at the click. "The client will be here in 20 minutes to do a fitting."

Josie took a deep breath and focused. "We'll be ready."

(As we fade we hear the whir of the sewing machine and Kylie humming)

[Zed]

Zed enters the compound and immediately stops in his tracks, sniffing the air. He recognizes the scent immediately, but knows he is already running behind for his fitting, so he makes his way to Josie's sewing setup where she, Kylie and Spencer are overlooking the gear, which remains conspicuously out of camera shot.

J: All ready, Tio!

Z: That is ... certainly a little more conspicuous than I originally expected. 

Zed turns his head sideways

Z: But in a weird way, it works? Like French fries and ice cream? Alright, hand it here, let me go try it on.

Josie brings the ring gear over to Zed. As she does, Zed looks at Kylie.

Z: Who tried to kill your sister today?

K: *stalling* ... Umm, what do you mean?

Z: I recognize three smells in this world. Gasoline, cooked collard greens and roses. And Beverly is terribly allergic to roses, as you know.

S: How do you know that?

Z: I feel like that's not even top 100 on the list of weirdest things I know.

K: Cooked collard greens?

Z: I didn't say I liked the smell. I just said I'd recognize it from a mile away. *Looks at Josie* None of your little wrestling friends bought you roses, did they?

J: No, Tio!

Z: Good. I didn't want to have to go to jail today. I'm assuming the roses were disposed of before - 

Beverly can be heard sneezing loudly off-screen.

Z: - Nope, they were not. That's unfortunate. Alright, well, good luck to y'all with that, I'll be right back.

Zed walks out of the room to try on the new ring gear while everyone else looks at each other pensively and we FADE.

[L!zz~]

(After Zed tried on his gear and a few notes were made, he changed and left. Off to where, who knows. Kylie told Josie to go wash up for dinner and take a break and they would get it all done after dinner so her timeline would be kept)

Spencer agreed, "Ashley will help us as well, so we can clean as we go and stay organized."

Josie beamed and hugged both women before hurrying off to see what Jeff was making for dinner. It was Thursday but she was hoping he was going for tacos. Jeff made and awesome taco bar occasionally, but Shiz was coming for dinner so she wasn't sure.

When the door closed behind her Spencer looked at Kylie and Kylie sighed. "I tried talking to him. so did Jeff.."

Spencer sat as she folded some extra material. "Zed has a lot going on. It's not just this ...thing...he seems to be in his head."

Kylie wound some thread as she nodded. "That is how he gets. Mac likes to spout off about their history but he forgets what it did to Zed as well. Zed has been through just as much as the rest of us."

Spencer was quiet for a moment. "Have you spoken to Beverly?'

Kylie laughed, she couldn't help it. "I was hoping I wouldn't be the one to do it. Why does Fire have to be sick?"

The other woman was surprised. "Fire?" Kylie nodded, "They have this little thing where they can sort of make the other see something easily." Spencer tilted her head, "But you're her sister."

Kylie sighed again. "That's the problem. I know..that whatever he is thinking. She is thinking too...but they need to get on the same page. And they both hate opening up to others."

Spencer chuckled as she rose. "And to think I think I thought the Darling's were complicated."

Kylie laughed as the two headed to the door.

(fade)

[L!zz~]

(We fade into the sewing suite. Josie and every adult occupant of the compound are present and working assembly line style to prepare armbands baring the letters TFBW.)

Josie slides a length of black material thru her sewing machine, the whir the only sound in the room.

Fade

[Fire-Babe]

Acting GMtheShizuru is WALKING~! towards the offices, when he notices the lights on. He cautiously walks through the reception area, and slowly pushes the door open to see Firewoman sitting at her desk.

SMM-C: You're BACK!

FW: I am. I got a call about an unpaid electric bill so I came over after rehab to find.... *hand rifles through a stack of bills*... THIS!

SMM-C: Oh um, yeah, I... well I couldn't find the check book?

FW: It's supposed to be in this drawer, but it's gone. Fortunately I had a back up in the safe.

SMM-C: I didn't think to look there.

FW: Well, it's handled, and they will be turning the power back on soon. I got to the water bill JUST before they shut THAT off, and...

Fire notices Shizuru frowning.

FW: Look, Shiz, it happens. It's all fixed now. Just thankful this didn't happen during a crossover, we'd never hear the end of it. Now...what's this about you hanging up your boots?

SMM-C: You've been talking to Jeff.

FW: I did not, I've had time to watch the shows in a different way than usual. You were great in that match, and you and Jeff have real chemistry.

SMM-C: I'm done. My path is in the office.

Fire gets up, slowly, and eases over to him.

FW: Look..... offices will always be there. Do you know why I went back into the ring against Jericho?

SMM-C: Wrath? Pride? Deluding yourself?

FW: I needed to know if I could still do it. If I could still muster the energy, the drive, the...

SMM-C: The fire?

FW: Yeah, something like that. If I hadn't gotten back in the ring, I would have never known, and always wondered.

SMM-C: ...

FW: ...

SMM-C: You also wouldn't have collapsed and nearly--

FW: Details, Shiz.....One more thing...

SMM-C: Yes?

FW: The best times of my career were those that I was tag teaming with my brother. Hands down.

SMM-C: ....

FW: Just think about it...

SMM-C: Okay I will....

Shizuru leaves, and Fire goes back to her desk.

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is still working in her office, and due to the power outage, I forgot to mention, it's largely by candlelight.

Voice: What are you doing here?

FW: *not looking up* Working and losing my eyesight.

JQ: *emerging into the candlelight from the shadows.* You almost lost more than that.

FW: *still not looking up* If Ben Franklin can do it, so can I?

JQ: He invented electricity because--

FW: Discovered.

JQ: Whatever....you should be resting.

FW: *finally looking up, with annoyance* I have been resting. I'm tired of resting. Besides, I'm cleared to begin to get back to my routine, provided I work half-days for now, and then in a week or so, we'll see...

JQ: Well, as long as--

FW: Moose...Jackie...I promise. I'm doing what everyone tells me. I'm following doctor's orders. But... I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I can't wait to get back to training.

JQ: TRAINING?! Are you out of your MIND?

FW: Not as much as I used to be.

JQ: Now I'M going to have a heart attack... Freakin' Bray Wyatt just died of heart stuff, and you ALMOST did... RIGHT after you hugged me... Just...went LIMP in my arms....if you think I'm going to let you even get CLOSE to doing that again...what are you looking at?

FW: You yelling at me.

JQ: Not like you haven't seen THAT before...

FW: Jackie...I just meant training for health, and to help train rookies and such. Not to get in the ring. I proved what I needed to prove.

JQ: So....

FW: Although, the surgery fixed the damage, and really I could probably go another 10 years in the ring, so--

JQ: OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Fire's eyes are laughing, as Jack finally notices that she's messing with him.

JQ: Funny.

FW: At least I know you care.

Jack shoots her an annoyed look, and begins to take a gander at the cards and well wishes. He smiles at Josie's diorama. He scowls at a card that simply is signed "Chris" on the inside, and then appears to be looking for something else.

FW: *back at her books* Don't bother, it's not there.

JQ: Figures. I mean, I would think that something like that would at least get their attention. It's not like you were unimportant to them at some point.

FW: No, Moose, that's just it... I was ALWAYS unimportant to them. I'm not surprised.

JQ: So...you wanna tell me about the dream you were having when you woke up?

FW: MMMM....no, not yet...but! Jackie, you gotta see this.

Fire practically leaps up and grabs Jack's arm. She drags him to the automatic sliding doors.

JQ: So?

FW: Watch.

Fire takes a step toward the door...and it opens.

JQ: So? What does that mean?

FW: I have no freakin' idea!!! But I'm so excited to find out.

Fire makes a big show of going to and from the door, making in open and close multiple times as we fade out.