[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MADNESS IV PPV
Live! From Warminster, Pennsylvania

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Stank vs. Donovan Viper

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III vs. Alexander Darling

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match - 2 out of 3 Falls[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. The Heels

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match - 15 Minute Beat the Clock Match[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Bunny

Steel Cage Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. GM the Rick

Contract On a Pole Match - Winner Gets an OOWF Contract[/u]
Carl From Fresno vs. Puck Dupp

The Midnight Sons vs. B.A.D.
The Dead & Firewoman vs. Davin Moreland & Firechild
Capellan vs. LD Williams
Chris Cole vs. Ecosystem
IHOP vs. Blitz & Voltage
Ryan Hardcore vs. Outback Jack vs. The Nerve Agent

Card subject to the reading of tea leaves

[Andy]

F. Fonzworth MacCappington III is heading out to the ring when he gets a call from Rick.

TR- Listen, what's with all the looks between you and Darling?

FFM- Listen, I'm acknowledging my opponent for my upcoming match. I hate the motherfucker honestly, and I'm gonna kick the shit out of him Sunday.

TR- I just...I just know that Darling has his issues, but his teammate seem to be on the side of Bennett and I think Darling will end up there too.

FFM- What's you point, Rick?

TR- I don't want them to have a title. You said you're on my side, and I want to keep the Intercontinental Title in my camp.

FFM- Jesus Christ, calm down. I'm not gonna lose to that little fuck, Darling. I got this, Rick. I gotta go cut a promo. Just...just, relax and put a little faith in another human being for once in your life. I already saved your ass once and I'll do it again anytime. Alright? I gotta go.

He hangs up the phone and heads towards the ring.

[Deadly]

[The Dead is walking down the hallway when he sees the matchups posted for the PPV. He scans it until he finds his name.]

The Dead & Firewoman vs. Davin Moreland & Firechild

Dead: This is too good...

[The Dead walks away looking for Firewoman.]

[salmonjunkie]

(the following events happened right after the PPV ended)

The lineup to Mayhem gets posted next to GMtheRick's office. Viper and LD Wiliams, both extremely bloody and bruised, happen to arrive at the same time.

LDW: It's a shame. All this talk from you about me not getting the job done... I certainly got it done tonight, didn't I?

DV: You're just lucky that Stank decided to stick his nose in our business. He attacked me because he's afraid of me, where he's rather confident about you.

LDW: There you are with your tough talk again. Well, me beating you pretty much has me secured for the OOWF Championship... (reads the lineup) What the HELL? WHAT THE HELL?!?!? HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET THE TITLE SHOT AFTER I BEAT YOU?!?!?

DV: Because I rule?

LDW: MAN! What kind of SHIT is this!?!?!?

LD Williams kicks over some clangy poles in anger.

GMtheRick pops out of his office

GMtR: Will you please stop that GODDAMN noise?!!? The Flyers game is on!

DV: Wait, they're not in the tournament...

GMtR: They're in the NIT tournament, dickweed!

DV: Heh... The NIT....

GMtR: SHUT UP!

LDW: YOU! YOU did this because I'm aligned with Bennett and McCappington stood up for you, didn't you?

GMtR: You know, I didn't even think about it that way, but it is icing on the cake. Thanks for reminding me, benedict. No, the reason why Viper here gets the title shot at the PPV is because at last week's Mayhem, he challenged Stank for this very pay per view and Stank accepted. Now for one, I was torn between giving this intolerable asshole yet another title shot and my love of seeing Stank beat up this miserable fucktard. But then he said this:

(points at screen)

STANK!!!! STAAAAAAAAAANK!!!! <The Champ turns around and sees Donovan Viper leaning on the middle rope, rage in his eyes> THIS ENDS!!! I WANT THIS TO END AT THE PAY PER VIEW!!! You bring that title, I get one last title shot. When I win, I walk away the new champion, and you go to the bottom of the ladder. If you win…….I don’t get any more title shots as long as you hold the title. <Stank glares at Viper and nods his head and heads to the back, inside the ring Viper grins like a Cheshire cat>

GMtR: So you get my drift? When Stank beats this piece of Orton, I'll never have to hear him bitch about getting a title shot again. That rocks harder than when my old band finally our first and only chance to play at my local divebar in Dayton. Do you know how hard I worked that bar for that gig? I'd been a customer for 18 YEARS and I still had to convince them for 8 FREAKING MONTHS to let us play!

DV: What did that have to do with anything?

GMtR: SHUT UP ASSHOLE!

LDW: Wait, so this is Viper's last chance at the title?

GMtR: Goddamn right.

LDW: Hmm....

GMtR: If you're thinking what I think you're thinking... Go for it. I'm not going to stop you from interfering in the match if you want to. Ok, I've had enough of you Corona-with-lime drinking nancy-boys. I'm going back in the office so I can watch the rest of the game. If you guys want to kick more clangy poles, do it somewhere where I can't hear you, ok?

DV: Oh, so you're going to try to cost me my match at Mayhem this Sunday, aren't you?

LDW: Well... You really don't deserve this title shot, and I have gotten regulated to fighting Capellan YET AGAIN... And I really don't like you, so...

DV: Fair enough. By the by, did you know my pops and your mother are hanging out again?

LDW: What? You're lying!

DV: Honest to god truth.

LDW: That can't be possible. No.. that's No.. you're...

DV: Call her and ask her. Or I could call...

LDW: NO! Do NOT call my mother!

DV: Ok. But, if you're thinking of interfering in my match, I'm going to tell my pops... (whispers into LDW's ear for about a minute, during which LD's eyes widen)

LDW: No! You... you can't say that. How do you know that? What? No. You can't. That's.... That's messed up.

DV: Yeah, so is messing with my last chance to get the title. See you later, sport.

Viper walks away.

LDW: NO! THAT'S BLACKMAIL! THAT'S.... STOP TALKING TO MY MOTHER!!! DAMMIT!!!

Williams walks away. As he walks away, GMtheRick breaks open his door.

GMtR: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT TO OHIO STATE!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GMtheRick kicks over the rest of the clangy poles.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

"The Main Event" Chris Cole is standing by with Sexy Female Journalist #5

SFJ5: Chris, you lost your match with Moosehead Jack last night and now our GM The Rick has to have a cage match with Jack. Your thoughts?

CC: Well I'm feeling sick to my stomach right now. I had Jack out cold from the Headliner but the ref was nowhere to be found. Then Jack hit me with a chair and stole the victory. I'm not bitter about the defeat, things like that happen. I just feel bad that it happened when the ramifications were so great. Rick, I'm sorry I let you down. If you get hurt this weekend that will be on me. And that is what hurts most of all.

SFJ5: You also have a match against Ecosystem. Do you have comments on this.

CC: It is a fairly random pairing but in a lot of ways the match makes sense. As many of you know at one time I was the Commisioner of BTW Wrestling. Ecosystem was at one time the General Manager of the OOWF. So in that way we are parallel. But the comparisons end there. I am a Former BTW Chanpion, the longest reigning OOWF World Champion and the current number one contender for the OOWF World Title. In that ring I am the superior athlete. I prove it night in and night out and while I have no beef with Eco, I will once again prove why I'm "The Main Event" at Madness.

SFJ5: Speaking of being the number one contender. Will you be watching the Main Event between Stank & Viper? What is your prediction for the outcome?

CC: Of course I'll be watching. That should be a fantastic match. Viper was one of the best champions we have had in the OOWF. When I first became Champion I used Viper as a model for my run. But Stank is hands down the best in the OOWF right now. Back in the day 3 Piece Set and Drink and Destroy went through wars over the OOWF World Tag Team Titles. Now he is the best singles star in the company. His title reign is very reminicent of my own. I wouldn't be surprised if the two of us reprive our long dormant rivalry and tear down the house all summer long.

SFJ5: So you think Stank will win?

CC: I don't know. Like I said they are both great competitors. Both are or were great Champions. After my match I'll be a fan like the rest of the people and I will enjoy the match. I just want both men to know that I'm waiting and my turn is coming.

[Attitude Adjuster]

The Heels are standing in front of an OOWF banner with their personal microphone stand, SFJ #29, who, BTW, is CrystalPretty. The Heels are holding their World Tag Team belts.

JA: The clock is ticking, Phantos and Lucios. Time is running out. Time is running out on your façade as OOWF tag team champions. Those straps you’ve defaced are nothing but props. Props you’ve used poorly, by the way. AA, how much time is left?

AA (looking at his expensively blingy watch): Looks like they have about 80 hours left, Johnny.

JA: 80 hours! 80 hours! 80 hours until we dispose of those cheap pieces of tin you carry around and—WHOOOO!!!!—once again are the unquestioned leaders in the world of tag team wrestling.

AA: Aren’t we already the unquestioned leaders of tag team wrestling?

JA: Almost. It seems that the “Screaming male pre-teen not-yet-sure-of-their-sexuality” crowd still thinks Phantos and Lucios are cool and buy all their marketing crap.

AA: Is that the same demographic that sill watches Saved by the Bell and The OC?

JA: The same.

AA: We care about them?

JA: Hell no! But after OOWF Madness IV this Sunday on Pay Per View…

AA: Nice plug…

JA: Thanks, AA. After OOWF Madness IV this Sunday on Pay Per View, if that screaming male pre-teen not-yet-sure-of-their-sexuality demographic wants to find their heroes, they’ll have to look in only one place—THE HOSPITAL! You saw what we did to Voltage last week! Remember that we retired The Best Friends Forever, Drink & Destroy and Weapons X! We still have to sneak into Canada because of that “incident” with the crazy Indian shop owner! And don’t even make us mention what we did to Sam Houston!

AA: Our lawyers are still appealing that one, right?

JA: Yeah, I think the next court date is June.

AA (writing a June date in his calendar before speaking): So you see, Mentos and Lucianno, you’ve pissed us off. So you get a shot at our belts, in your so-called specialty match, two-out-of-three falls. But I guarantee you one thing: The only way it goes to three falls is if we get DQed beating the crap out of you guys. Because the only thing that anyone’s gonna write about after OOWF Madness IV is how long The Heels will Undisputed World Tag Team champions (AA and JA hold up their belts)…

JA: …And whether you two, Phantos and Lucios, will ever wrestle again.

[salmonjunkie]

attitudeadjuster said:

AA (writing a June date in his calendar before speaking): So you see, Mentos and Lucianno,

Awesome! LOL

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland notices the pile of disrupted clangy poles near the entrance of the GM's Office. After a quick flashback, he checks the lineup and his head visibly drops in frustration and he goes in to see the ranting GM the Rick post-mortem.*

GMtR: *notices Davin come in* Ohio State...can you believe it?

DM: You're a fucking moron, you know that?

GMtR: The fuck?

DM: First you go ahead and trust Chris Motherfucking Cole to win that match for you at Mayhem. Rick, I'm a trained wrestler. There was something fishy going on there.

GMtR: Ref bump...

DM: More than the ref bump. So now, you supposedly are gonna get killed by Moose at MADNESS.

GMtR: Nice plug.

DM: Whatever. I'd be shocked if it's just Moose.

GMtR: Who else? Bennett?

DM: HA! No. No one you would even suspect at this point, Rick. I'll be honest here, if you want to play Sting and have NO idea when you're being played, be my guest. I'm out. I'm sick of it. Do NOT expect me ringside for your match.

GMtR: Now just a damn minute...

DM: No. Fuck You. Then you have me in this completely pointless tag match? Me of the 3 tag matches ever? With Firechild who I barely know? Against Firewoman and Dead? Yeah. Those two love each other too. Maybe I'll make it easier on everyone and just drill Dead in the balls at the bell. At a PAY per view Rick, you have me in a pointless, useless tag match with zero build. Christ, if I wanted that I'd be in the WWE right now.

GMtR: No you wouldn't.

DM: You're right, I wouldn't; because then I'd have to work with that freak Concrete TG again.

GMtR: Crete's good people...

DM: Crete's a damned sellout and a lunatic. And I'm sure you'd welcome him back with open arms, right Rick? Right back to the main event? Shove everyone else down the card for the returning conquering hero who was too good for us here in OOWF?

GMtR: Why are we having this conversation?

DM: Because, Rick. Because the people you need you're ignoring; and the people you DON'T need you're placating. You've made the wrong choice at just about every turn; so much so it's uncanny. I still don't think you realize exactly what we're looking at here, and if you're not going to care, why should I? Why not let Bennett just buy out your contract and take the whole thing over?

GMtR: Then why are you still here Davin? If I suck so bad at this, why do you still support me?

DM: Good question, Rick. Good question. Maybe I'll go see Bennett and ask him.

*Davin leaves*

GMtR: This is really starting to sandify my vagina.

*Outside Davin is walking down the hallway in the general direction of Bennett's Office when he happens upon The Dead. Joy.*

TD: This is too good...

DM: It is.

*Without any hesitation, Davin picks The Dead up and hits him with an ELEVATED ANTOINE DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE CEMENT FLOOR~!~! Dead needs serious medical attention*

DM: Hmm. I feel a little better now.

*fade*

[Fire-Babe]

We cut once again to the DEA Luxury Suites, where Firewoman is confused, and has only Alexis to help. Needless to say, it isn’t going well.

FW: I don’t know where you brother is, but I have no fucking idea what’s going on, and it’s wearing thin.

Alexis: All will be revealed in good time. Just be thankful that Alexander listened to me and got involved when he did…

FW: Eh, I didn’t need him. [Alexis raises her eyebrow at that] and since when do you care anyway?

Alexis: The point is that DEA is reunified and ready to…

FW: I haven’t made any decisions about that yet. I want to see what Alex has to say.

Lucky enters carrying two boxes and a sheet of paper.

L: Firewoman, I got the PPV line up for you. And it looks like your secret admirer has maxed out his credit cards.

Alexis: Oh good grief.

FW: Don’t be jealous, Alexis. It doesn’t become you. If you’re nice, maybe I’ll share with you. [Looks at the line-up.] What the hell? Why does Alex get to have a title match with MacCappington? I had him beat TWICE before he cheated…by rights, that shot should be mine!

Eric O’ Mac strolls through

EoM: So, what you're saying is you failed twice and you should get another shot? Yeah, good luck convincing the Rick of that.

FW: Butt out, Eric. Or I might just remember there’s another belt around here I wouldn’t mind having….yours.

EoM: Yeah right. You couldn’t last 15 minutes with me.

FW: I wouldn’t advertise that if I were you, Eric, you’ll never get a date. That’s really nothing to brag about.

Alexis laughs, despite herself. Eric flips Firewoman off and leaves.

FW: So, I’m in a tag match with The Dead as a partner? Geez, Alex will love that. Against….Davin and Firechild? That’s random…. Oh well, a match is a match.

Alexis: I want to know who is sending you the presents.

FW: I don’t care, as long as they keep sending them.

Firewoman opens the first box. It contains Bath and Body Works Chocolate Amber scented body lotion and body spray, a box of Godiva chocolate, and a very expensive looking amber pendant.

FW: Wooooo, now that is much better than a Zetter-fucking-berg jersey. Two of my most favorite things, chocolate and amber.

Alexis: And hopefully less flammable.

FW: [sprays some of the perfume in Alexis’s general direction.] There’s a note. It says “Just a reminder, that SOMEONE knows how to treat a lady right.”

Alexis: Shouldn’t he have sent it to a lady then?

Alexander has walked in.

AD: You two just can’t give it a rest for second, can you.

FW: Are you going to explain what the hell….

AD: Yes, in fact, I really want to clear the air before the PPV, so … Jesus Christ, is that another one?

FW: This one doesn’t have a name on it.

Alexis: Oh it’s probably for you too.

FW: Maybe it’ll be leather, so I’ll have my top three favorite things all together.

Alexis: You are such a freak….

Firewoman opens the box

FW: Hey, it IS leather!

Alexis: Great…..

FW: It’s kind of small though….

Alexis: You know, spare me the details. After last weekend, I know way more about your sex life than I ever wanted, and….

Alexis stops mid sentence and freezes, as Firewoman removes a red leather skull mask from the box.. Alexis turns paler than she already is, which no one thought possible. Alexander’s eyes turn cold.

FW: Well, this has taken a weird turn… even for me…

In a second, Alex crosses the room and knocks the box and the mask out of Firewoman’s hands. As the box falls, three black roses topple to the ground.

FW: Geez, what the fuck is your problem?

AD: It’s from HIM

[Concrete TG]

(Gryfon is YOUTUBING~! in his hotel room and manages to find parts of the 3/26 Mayhem. He's watching the show when his cellphone rings)

CTG: This is Gryfon

??: Takaken, you know I wouldn't call unless it was important.

CTG: (blinks) Citizen Flame? Strange coicidence, I was watching OOWF on my laptop

FC: Have you seen the whole show?

CTG: Not yet - I was going to skip ahead to the main event, though. I was informed of the stipulations, and I'm looking forward to seeing Moosehead Jack in a diaper and waving a barbed-wire wrapped rattle and a rusty iron pacifier in his mouth

FC: uh, yeah, about that......

CTG: He'll need a bloodstained bib, too.... do diapers come in black?

FC: Takaken, that's not going to happen.

CTG: .... and no one came to Cole's aid?

FC: that's not the point.

CTG: and no one can come to Rick's aid? (glances at the computer, sees how the match ended) .... especially since it looks like Rick's error is what cost him.

FC: I don't know if any one of us can get in the cage in time to save Rick. Cole feels really bad about it so I hope he'll man up

CTG: I don't understand why none of you are "manning up" to help Rick. The OOWF is not a company that anyone I am allies with should even consider allowing to fade into memory. If OOWF is destoryed by this "Bennett", then those who we've worked with for so long will be forced to move on, and our fans will splinter and scatter far and wide. Is that what you want, Citizen Flame? Is that what anyone who owes all their loyalties to Rick Scaia truly want?

FC: (after a long pause)... just, pray for Rick. Good luck on sunday.

CTG: and you as well.

[Road Warrior Shark]

(Phantos and Lucios are standing with a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist.)

RNSFJ: Any words for The Heels before your Match Sunday?

Phantos: Capps, Adrenaline, You still don't get it. We aren't after those belts you carry around. We are the World Tag Team Champions. I refer you to the OOWF Official Histories.

09/30/07 Hell On Earth III: Hardbody Harris & Chris Alt*** def. The Chickenshit Heels, Capellan & Viper and Phantos & Lucios
10/28/07 Doomy Doomy Doom Doom IV: Los Defenestrators def. Best Friends Forever
12/12/07 MidWeek Mayhem: Spin Hansen & DH Magnusson def. Los Defenestrators
12/26/07 MidWeek Mayhem: Los Defenestrators[2] def. Spin Hansen & DH Magnusson
12/30/07 New Year's Evil III: Defenestrators def. Los Defenestrators
02/24/08 End of Days III: Phantos & Lucios def. The Defenstrators

See? You Lost. Harris and Alt took the championships from you. We were there. We saw it happen. You can argue about not being pinned, you can argue about Alt and Harris wearing masks, but the bottom line is you Lost. Instead of acting like men and fighting to regain your championships, you left town with your tails tucked between your legs.

Lucios: And Now, your triumphant return, you attack us from behind constantly, you get yourselves shoe-horned into championship matches you have no business being in. And the fans, the boys in the back are supposed to see You as champions? Shawn Michaels lost his smile. Thim Reynolds vanished. You boys threw a tantrum when you got beat and ran away.
You were a great tag team. You ended Weapon X. You beat The BFF, 3 Piece Set, Drink and Destroy, almost anyone you have faced. We Don't Care. We don't live in the past. We are the Double O Double U F World Tag Team Champions. We saw some unfinished business and are taking care of it. After this, you two can go back to Jamaica, Reno, Atlantic City, or wherever Over-The-Hill-Has-Beens go to drink Metamucil and score Cialis.

Phantos: You might be funny as hell. You might be the #1 promo team in the OOWF! You might be banned from every whorehouse in Nevada. But We are the champions. We are the best tag team in the business.

Lucios: And Nothing you Say will change that.

[Eric O'Mac]

OOC: Phantos says "hell"? OMG!!!!

[Road Warrior Shark]

***OOC***

Oops..... Lucios will severly reprimand him for that, you can bet on it!

[blownspot]

<Stank is PACING~! in the Destroyitarium, rotating his taped arm and shoulder.>

OBJ - Your arm seems to be healing.

Stank - I've got full range of motion, now. Acupuncture... who knew?

OBJ - Yeah mate, Wally's girls do good work.

Stank - I always thought acupuncture was a bunch of hoodoo voodoo shit, but damn.... my arm feels great... matter of fact, I feel awesome!

OBJ - You can't deny results. I swear one time...

Stank - Yes...?

OBJ - One time those Shelias had me seeing the future.

Stank - Get the fuck outta here.

OBJ - No I'm serious mate.

Stank - Acupuncture can't make you see the future.

OBJ - I'm telling you, mate. It happened.

Stank - C'MON!... I me... You can... wha... You're shittin me, right?

OBJ - No.

Stank - What did you see?

OBJ - Well back then I saw myself winning the Intercontinental Title for the first time.

Stank - Really?

OBJ - Yeah.

Stank - Wow. Maybe I should go back and have that procedure done. It'd be nice to know how my match at the PPV will go.

OBJ - I wouldn't do it, mate.

Stank - What... Why?

OBJ - Side effects... serious side effects.

Stank - Like what?

OBJ - Flaky skin, nasal drip, swamp ass, and a bleedin headache.

Stank - Swamp ass???

OBJ - You don't wanna know, mate.

Stank - Well it might all be worth it if it will help me retain the title.

OBJ - Nothing is worth having swamp ass.

Stank - You seem no worse for wear.

OBJ - I don't know, mate. It took some time for the effects to wear off.

Stank - I'm going to walk over and see if they'll do it. I gotta know how my match will turn out.

OBJ - Your funeral.

<Stank walks to a back room where the Asian hotty acupuncturists are packing up their stuff.>

Stank - Wait... before you go. Outback Jack just told me you girls can make me see the future.

AHA#1 - See future? You pay extra.

AHA#2 - Um... there are some severe side effects.

AHA#1 - NO BAD side effect! Make you see future! Make your pee pee go boom!

Stank - Uh... that doesn't sound good.

<The ladies start arguing loudly back and forth in Putonghuà.>

Stank - Ladies... Ladies?

<The women continue to argue.>

Stank - Hey it's not worth arguing over. I'm not interested in my penis exploding.

AHA#1 - No penis boom, boom! Penis booom booom!

AHA#2 - Would you stop talking like a fucking moron!

AHA#1 - Client pay more for stereotype!

AHA#2 - Ignore her. She's just messing with you. Your penis won't explode. But you will get a headache, nasal drip, flaky skin, and there have been some reports of a pungent odor emanating from your nether regions.

Stank - Jack called it swamp ass. That ain't nothin a shower can't take care of.

AHA#2 - I'm afraid that won't do it. From what we've heard it lasts for days.

Stank - Well, I'm sure I could throw some Gold Bond down there or something.

AHA#1 - So you pay?

Stank - Wally will take care of it.

AHA#2 - Alright, if you insist. Lie down the table.

Stank - My penis better not explode.

<Stank walks over and lies on a massage table. AHA#1 removes Stank's boots and socks and inserts a needle between his big and middle toes. AHA#2 sticks a needle on the tip of Stank's nose.>

AHA#1 - Stank go night night.

<They both tap their respective needles and INSTANTLY Stank is transported to the middle of a ring. He's embracing someone. As he holds the person in his arms he looks up into the crowd.

They are dead silent, an awkward look on their faces.

Stank turns his head toward the ramp and Mel Creech is standing there looking up at him in confusion. Stank feels wetness on his cheeks. He's been crying.

This is a long weird hug Stank is thinking.

He pulls the individual back and it's... Dononvan Viper. Viper is also in tears... he backs up and nods to Creech. Stank looks over at Creech and now he's behind a drum set. Flanking each side of Creech is Barros on keyboards and Hightower on Funk Guitar. Creech starts off with a mellow beat which is followed by a melody played by the other refs. Stank turns back and Viper slowly begins to dance in rhythm to the beat. The announcer walks up and hands Viper a mic. Viper dance walks over to Stank and grabs the World Title belt from him. He stares lovingly at the belt and holds it up high, all the while dancing. Viper brings the mic up to his lips and begins to sing...

It might not be.. the right time
I might not be.. the right one
But there's something about us.. I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be.. the right one
It might not be.. the right time
But there's something about us.. I've got to do
Some kind of secret.. I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

Viper then kisses the belt and raises it up high, as the crowd ch-

Stank - WHAT THE FUCK!!?

<Stank BOLTS upright from the table and looks around the room, the needles still stuck on his nose and between his toes.>

AHA#1 - You see future, sweety?

Stank - Got DAMN, I hope not. *sniff* *sniff* my nose is running. Give me a tissue.

AHA#2 - Here's some tissue... and some Gold Bond for later.

Stank - I don't suppose there's a needle for swamp ass.

AHA#2 - There is... but that would definitely make your penis explode.

AHA#1 - Go boom boom.

AHA#2 - You're a credit to our race, Michelle.

Stank - Your name is Michelle?

AHA#1 - What you expect? Ziyi Zhang?

Stank - Oh THAT's how you pronounce her name. I'd been wondering...

AHA#2 - Don't act like you aren't jealous of Zhang, Michelle.

AHA#1 - Why would I be jealous of that skinny bitch?

AHA#2 - Hey, don't you talk about my cousin like that!

AHA#1 - If the sandal fits, tell the lotus to leave.

Stank - What?

AHA#2 - It goes If the SHOE fits, moron!

AHA#1 - That's second time you call me moron!

AHA#2 - What are you gonna do about it?!?

<The two women assume fighting stances then engage in MORTAL KOMBAT~!>

Stank - ... Um...

<The women kick and swipe at each other, Wire-Fu like. AHA#2 stoops low to avoid a swing kick, and comes up with a mighty and bloody UPPERCUT! WHUA! HA! HA! HA! The punch catches AHA#1 under her chin, knocking her into the air, and down HARD to the wooden floor. AHA#1 stands up, woozy from the hit, as a deep voice drones out...

Deep Voice - FINISH HER!

<AHA#2 unfolds a Chinese hand fan out of nowhere, and deftly uses it to slice off AHA#1's head!>

Stank - Whoopseee!

AHA#2 - Take that BITCH!

Stank - ... Ok, well... THAT was fun... I'm gonna... I'm gonna raise up on outta here... and uh... go get my drink on... Peace.

[Jack Quinn]

<Alexander Darling storms out of the room and stops leaning against the wall, his eyes wide and his breathing rapid. Darling is visibly pale and shaking just a bit, he begins muttering to himself>

AD: I left you in Japan, it was over then, it is over now, I am not.....

MHJ: Why Alexander Darling! It looks like someone just walked over your grave. Looks like you saw a ghost or something <Moose smirks and Darling steps right up to him with fire burning in his eyes>

AD: Moose, so fucking help me god if I find out you are behind this, I will skin you alive

MHJ: Now Alex, come on <clapping him on the shoulder> We're friends remember? Its all in the past, for the greater good and all that, remember?

AD: I am not playing

MHJ: <getting serious> Neither am I Darling, you can say and think what you want. I have nothing to do with it.You go ahead and keep on pissing people off it's your funeral. I'm gonna leave you with just one thing, All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream, Edgar Allen.............Poe. You have a good day now little Alex

<Moose turns and walks away, round the corner and disappearing into the arena, Darling stands there wide eyed a mix of terrified and furious>

[salmonjunkie]

***OOC***

Holy shit, BS, you are truly a master at the funny! You're getting an exalt for that. I can't believe you put in that Daft Punk song there. From now on when I hear that song, I'm going to think about Viper and Stank. Ha!

Waitaminute. Maybe that deserves a smite instead...

[blownspot]

If I've screwed up that song for you then that definitely deserves a smite.

[Concrete TG]

(Gryfon ponders further about the issues in the OOWF and decides to make a phone call of his own. Somewhere, a Sprint PCS Phone buzzes, getting its owner's attention)

??: Hello?

CTG: DAvin Moreland, please.

DM: This is.

CTG: This is Gryfon

DM: Concrete? Nice of you to call....

CTG: Davin, I've received several calls about the concerns with Rick and this Mr. Bennett.

DM: Yeah? Is that interrupting your WWE title plans?

CTG: ? Actually, I was more concerned that not enouhg people are backing Rick.

DM: Do you even watch Mayhem anymore?

CTG: I do, and I don't expect reciproation. You don't have to watch Raw if you don't want to.

DM: Rick brought this upon himself. He fucked it all up

CTG: I would hope that there'd be proper assistance.

DM: Look, Caped Crusader Concrete, we got it. Don't sweat it, you go dance with the douchebag and have fun.

CTG: ....

DM: oh, and Crete, since you don't have a Sprint PCS phone, don't call me til after 9pm, please" (hangs up)

CTG: !!!

[Jack Quinn]

<Fire comes out of her locker room much later and almost runs into a gentleman in a very nice suit pushing a food card with a large covered box on it>

FW: Hey! Seriously! Who are you and why are you here?

Well Dressed Man: You must be Firewoman then?

FW: Yeah, who wants to know?

WDM: I am Adelheid Baerstschi, representative of the Noka Chocolate Company of Switzerland. I have a delivery for you. <he opens the box to reveal a full scale chocolate replica of the Global Honored Crown Heavyweight Title from the NOAH Promotion Fire's eyes nearly pop out of their sockets>

It is made from the finest light and dark chocolates available on the planet as well as a variety of flavors and textures that were created specifically for this project

FW: This.......this must have cost a fortune!

AB: I am not at liberty to divulge the kind benefactor that commissioned this, nor the price he paid. There was however a note to go along with this

<AB hands Fire a slip of paper>

your time will come, perhaps sooner than you think

When Fire looks up again Baertschi is gone and she is alone with ten pounds of the finest chocolate money can buy

[Deadly]

[The Dead shakes off the cobwebs after Davin nailed him with an ELEVATED ANTOINE DIAMOND CUTTER ON THE CEMENT FLOOR~!~!]

Dead: What an asshole...

[Just then Moosehead Jack enters the hallway and sees The Dead getting to his feet.]

Moose: Rough night?

Dead: It was Davin fucking Moreland, again.

Moose: Really?

Dead: Yeah, for someone who is supposed to be a "good guy" he sure does more sneak attacking than anyone here.

Moose: Well, you know, he does have those "issues"...

Dead: Yeah, The Dead is sure that Davin's mommy didn't love him enough, or that his daddy touched him.

Moose: That's not what I was saying, but that works too.

Dead: The Dead knows Davin is afraid. Davin has never beaten The Dead. Hell, lately the only thing he's been doing is giving Rick a little of the ol' "Monica Lewinsky".

Moose: Haha.

Dead: Anyway, this Sunday he'll get what's coming to him. Hey, have you seen Firewoman or El Muerte?

Moose: Fire's probably in the DEA suite, as usual.

Dead: Yeah, but if The Dead goes in there he might see some inappropriate sibling behavior...

Moose: As for Muerte, no, I haven't seen him.

Dead: The Dead really needs to keep better tabs on him. Anyway, The Dead needs to find Firewoman and get a little sparring in.

Moose: Just watch your back. Darling is a devious one.

Dead: Don't worry. Oh, and have fun in the cage with Rick.

Moose: I will. Trust me.

[Fire-Babe]

[OOC: A chocolate title belt? I'd prefer the real thing ]

Firewoman and Alexander Darling are having a tense meeting at Ric's Sandwich Shop. Because of all the scurrying around to prepare for the PPV and the trip overseas, the Ninjacam 3000s are having a hard time keeping up, and arrive mid-conversation.

AD: So....that's everything.

FW: Why, after everything, do you not trust me enough to tell me this stuff?

AD: I didn't even tell Alexis until right before the match. *sigh* Look, given what just happened....the mask, the chocolate belt, I think it's pretty clear who's been sending gifts, and that we need to close ranks. Are you still with us or not?

Firewoman thinks a moment.

Ric: WOOOOOOOO....here's your boca burger on wheat, Firelady!

FW: Thanks. Actually, can I get it to go? I have to find the Dead to practice for our match.

Ric: WOOOOOOOO...no problemooooooo!!!!

AD: I really wish you would not be friends with him.

FW: Look, last *I* heard you were negotiating to side with Moo...er, Bennett. The Dead is already aligned with them, so we're going to be on the same side anyway.

AD: True. Well....?

FW: Alright. I'll stay. Mostly because I need to have someone who knows about.... stuff.... in my corner on this trip, especially in May. You're sure we can't get out of it?

AD: I already talked to Bennett about it. No dice.

FW: Well, then I suppose we're a team. But things have got to change, Alex.

AD: Like what?

FW: Like keeping me in the loop, for one. I get too paranoid and...well, things get out of control.

AD: Alright, deal. But you have to stop with the money. Really. And ease off Alexis.

FW: Okay, on the money. No promises on Alexis. She's just as much a bitch as she ever was.

AD: So are you. So try.

FW: Fine.

AD: Okay, we even now?

FW: Sure.

AD gets up to leave. He walks past Firewoman and goes towards the door.

FW: Oh, Alex...one more thing?

AD: Yeah?

Darling turns around into a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL that knocks him back and through one of the tables. Darling crashes to the floor, chairs and bits of the now broken table around him.

Ric: WOOOOOOOOOO!!

Firewoman walks over to where Darling is laying, she stands over top of him, one leg on either side, and bends down at the waist so her hair hangs into his face.

FW: NOW we're even. See ya later, partner.

Firewoman walks away, leaving Alexander and Ric to clean up the mess.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Stank walks into the Destroyitarium, sits at the bar next to OBJ, and signals the bartender.*

Stank: Pitcher of beer and a bottle of whiskey.

Bartender: What kind?

Stank: Surprise me. And don't bother with a glass.

OBJ: Sounds like you've had a bit of a shock, mate.

Stank: That's putting it mildly.

OBJ: Wait, you didn't by any chance...I mean you weren't crazy enough to...you did, damn it! Bloody hell, Stank, I warned you!

Stank: It was worse than I could have imagined. *starts drinking whiskey directly from the bottle* And, um, I hope Wally wasn't too fond of Michelle.

OBJ: As a matter of fact ...*OBJ gets a funny look on his face*...CRIKEY!!!

Stank: What?

*The bartender and the other customers glare at Stank and start to move away*

Stank: What?

OBJ: Right, I forgot to tell you, at first you don't smell it yourself.

Stank: Damn!

*Ron Simmons walks in, opens his mouth to speak, pauses, sniffs the air, and turns and walks out*

OBJ: I just remembered I have to return a library book.

*OBJ plows through the crowd of customers leaving the Destroyitarium*

Stank: Well, looks like I'll have the place to myself.

Bartender: Yeah, so would you mind serving yourself? I'm going to see if the hardware store stocks gas masks.

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is KNOCKING~! in the door to "The Bunny Hole"*

B: Ayo, who is it?

DM: It's Davin, can I come in?

*Bunny opens the door*

B: Dew?

DM: Ah, no thanks, I can't stay long.

B: Word life, homey. So, ayo, what up yo?

DM: Oh, not too much, just wanted to wish you good luck this week, and just remember, if anyone tries to mess with you, I've got your back.

B: Ayo, Bunny don't need help, but ayo, I appreciate it.

DM: Why are you talking like that?

B: Ayo, like what?

DM: Like that.

B: Ayo, I be straight hood, G.

DM: In a Bunny suit.

B: Ayo. I got some issues. It's not a big deal.

DM: Yeah, ok. Listen, anyway, let me ask you a question.

B: Ayo.

DM: Are you ready to be a Champion?

B: Ayo what's that supposed to mean?

DM: It means what it means. Are you ready to be a Champion.

B: Ayo, I beat this chump Eric twice already if it weren't for his gay stip.

DM: I know.

B: Ayo, I wanna be Champ. I can totally be Champ. Ayo, I'll be the best Onslaught Champ ever.

DM: Don't get carried away, now.

B: Ayo, sorry yo.

DM: I just need to know that if you're in position to win, you can win, and you can defend and keep the title.

B: Ayo, I'm Bunny yo. I can fly yo. Wait till you see my stip, yo.

DM: Alright. I'm glad to hear it. And Bunny, don't worry if Eric goes to the outside during your match.

B: Ayo, why?

DM: Just, don't worry.

B: Ayo.

*fade*

[salmonjunkie]

Viper finds his way to the destroyatarium

Stank: What are YOU doing here on my turf?

DV: Stank. How dare you. How DARE you!

St: What do you mean how dare me?

DV: That is such an unfair advantage, getting swamp ass before our match. I mean, I know I use the chain and all, but you know damn well I was not going to have LOADED come in.

St: Oh come on. I don't know that.

DV: Do I ever have them come down?

St: Hardly.

DV: Exactly. Plus I got LD Williams breathing down my neck... Listen. I know you want to keep the belt. If I were you I'd do the same thing. But going to Wally and getting swamp ass is crossing the line.

St: Woah. I didn't go to Wally to get swamp ass. I went to predict the future.

DV: AND THAT'S HOW YOU GET SWAMP ASS! I know Wally warned you, I know Outback here warned you. Hell, I could've warned you. I couldn't get that smell off of me for DAYS! That was the longest drought I had in my life!

St: Drought of men? *pop* OW! Ok, I deserved that.

DV: Man, fuck you.

St: Get the fuck out of here, Donnie before I take this whiskey bottle and smash it into your face.

DV: Wally. How could you? You and my pops. You guys are buddies.

WBK: Hey, my friendship with your daddy has nothing to do with you two. Stank's got the cash, he gets what he wants.

DV: But my match.

WBK: Donnie, business is business.

DV: You guys suck.

Viper leaves.

St: Wally, so Viper did the future telling thing before, huh?

WBK: That he did. Not too long ago, actually.

St: What did it say?

WBK: Sorry Stank. I keep client confidentiality.

St: Wait, come on. That's not fair. Everyone knows what my prediction was.

WBK: Well it's not my fault you let the Invisible Ninja Cameramen film your subconcious, now is it?

St: Stupid ninjas...

[salmonjunkie]

Thai Dao and Ryan Gutierrez are at Thai's house on laptops IMing to Andy Gaston

thaibuds49: Dood, U shuld totally B here!
punkerhardcore: Fook ya! We iz like making out N stuf!
logicofsuicide: Werd. Did U guyz watch duh Fall Out Boy concert?
punkerhardcore: Fook ya! It wuz HAWT~!
thaibuds49: Super HAWT~!.
logicofsuicide: U guyz r soooooooo ghey!
thaibuds49: U r so ghey
punkerharcore: big tyme homo.
deathelbow: I AM NOT A HOMO!!!
*POP* OW!

OMG, DONOVAN VIPER pops out of Thai's laptop! He gives Ryan a DEATH ELBOW and Thai a SIDEWINDER to his nice hardwood floor! He takes off his face... HE PINS THEM BOTH!

1.... 2.... 3.... YOUR WINNER AND NEW OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION! DONOVAN VIPER!!!

Viper looks at the invisible ninja cameran sitting in Thai's living room.

DV: See that Stank? See how badly I want OOWF gold? I jumped out of cyberspace and BEAT MY MAKER and his GAY MEXICAN FRIEND to do this. Now, not only am I coming into this match a challenger, but I'm coming in as a champion. So suck on that, you fat bitch!

Viper jumps back into the laptop with the title!

logicofsuicide: U guyz R superduper ghey!
logicofsuicde: gheygheygheygheyghey!
logicofsuicide: lyk Moos N Solly!
logicofsuicide: xcept U R azn and mex!
logicofsuicide: LOLLERZ!!!
logicofsuicide: MEOW!
logicofsuicide: Hello?
logicofsuicide: N E 1 therez?
logicofsuicide: fukkerz....