DARKNESS Wrestling: Part II
May 24, 2015 10:53:10 GMT -5
Post by Chris Eco on May 24, 2015 10:53:10 GMT -5
Matt Jackson is sitting around smoking weed with the rest of the Bullet Club (Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson).
Matt Jackson: Okay, so what I want to know . . . is who the fuck is making matches around here.
Karl Anderson: Is anyone making matches?
Matt Jackson: The fucking screen graphics! Like, Candido just calls out Elijah, Elijah don’t say shit, and yet some little picture with a versus sign comes up? Who the fuck did that?
Voice: That was me.
The Bullet Club turns around to face newly unemployed Boston Sports Guy, Bill Simmons!
Bill Simmons: I’ve been trying to take kind of a hands-off approach, just give people the fights they want to see. The days of the bad guy authority figure have really been over for –
Doc Gallows: Yeah yeah, you’re the man of the people. Fucking Boston.
Matt Jackson: Bill! I’ve got a great idea for a match, all right? Luke Harper pissed me off, right? And he doesn’t have a match. So –Bullet Club vs. Luke Harper. Tag Team Championships on the line. Make the match.
Bill Simmons: Wait wait wait. Bullet Club as in . . .
Matt Jackson: Me, my partner – TBD on whether that’s London or my brother, trades, kna’mean? - Doc Gallows, and Karl Anderson.
Bill Simmons: You want me to give you a four on one match for the Tag Team Championships?
Matt Jackson: Yes?
Bill Simmons: . . . No.
Matt Jackson: Why the fuck not? I thought top draft picks get to make their own matches?
Bill Simmons: First, that’s a ridiculous match, and second, you weren’t a top draft pick.
Matt Jackson: Well Bill, I’ll have you know I speak for Brock Lesnar –
Voice: BULLSHIT!
The Bullet Club and Bill Simmons turn to face Scott Steiner, with both Sami Zayn and Rick Steiner behind him.
Scott Steiner: Now, I don’t know why Brock Lesnar ain’t here, ‘cept I do know, and that’s cause, he wants to run lickety-split from Scott Steiner. Cause see, Brock Lesnar, he’s from a highly educated university, up there in Minnesota, and he knows, in that big dumb brain of his, that he can’t measure up, to the largest arms in the world, and he knows that there ain’t no gain, that comes with the pain, when he’s screamin’ my name, in the Steiner Recliner.
Bullet Club: . . .
Bill Simmons: What did he say?
Sami Zayn: I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to teach them both English.
Rick Steiner barks.
Sami Zayn: It’s not working.
Scott Steiner: So fact is, Brock Lesnar would want the Steiner Brothers, being the Tag Team Championships, so he don’t gotta face, the Big Bad Booty Daddy. So you wanna just hand me and Rick them titles, and we gonna be on our way.
Doc Gallows walks in front.
Doc Gallows: You’re gonna have to go through me.
Scott Steiner: Who are you?
Doc Gallows: My name is –
Scott Steiner: YOU’RE FAT! That’s what you are!
Sami Zayn: Guys, I’m really sorry.
Bill Simmons: All right, here’s what we’re doing. Tag Team Championships. Matt, it’s you and any one other partner – Paul, Nick, whoever – against Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Two on two. Nice and easy. Tornado Rules, so you can do all your fancy tag team stuff. Scotty? You and Rick get the #1 contenders’ match against Doc & Karl here. You get the win, you get the shot. Everyone good.
There’s grumbling but nodding. Well, except for Scott.
Scott Steiner: I’MA KICK THESE FAT ASSES SO HARD, THEY’RE GONNA HAVE TO PULL THEIR FAT ASSES, OUT OF THEIR FAT ASSES, LIKE THEY’RE SHITTING THEIR BODIES OUT OF THEIR BODIES!
Rick Steiner barks again.
Sami Zayn: Bill, can I talk to you for a minute?
Bill Simmons: Sure.
The two step aside.
Sami Zayn: Mick Foley doesn’t think I’m tough enough for Lesnar? I’m not just going to beat Mick, I’m going to show him, and you, and everyone else that I’m ready for Brock. Can you give me and Mick . . . a No Disqualification match?
Bill Simmons: I think that can be arranged.
//
Tornado Rules For the Tag Team Championships
#1 Contenders' Match
No Disqualification
Matt Jackson: Okay, so what I want to know . . . is who the fuck is making matches around here.
Karl Anderson: Is anyone making matches?
Matt Jackson: The fucking screen graphics! Like, Candido just calls out Elijah, Elijah don’t say shit, and yet some little picture with a versus sign comes up? Who the fuck did that?
Voice: That was me.
The Bullet Club turns around to face newly unemployed Boston Sports Guy, Bill Simmons!
Bill Simmons: I’ve been trying to take kind of a hands-off approach, just give people the fights they want to see. The days of the bad guy authority figure have really been over for –
Doc Gallows: Yeah yeah, you’re the man of the people. Fucking Boston.
Matt Jackson: Bill! I’ve got a great idea for a match, all right? Luke Harper pissed me off, right? And he doesn’t have a match. So –Bullet Club vs. Luke Harper. Tag Team Championships on the line. Make the match.
Bill Simmons: Wait wait wait. Bullet Club as in . . .
Matt Jackson: Me, my partner – TBD on whether that’s London or my brother, trades, kna’mean? - Doc Gallows, and Karl Anderson.
Bill Simmons: You want me to give you a four on one match for the Tag Team Championships?
Matt Jackson: Yes?
Bill Simmons: . . . No.
Matt Jackson: Why the fuck not? I thought top draft picks get to make their own matches?
Bill Simmons: First, that’s a ridiculous match, and second, you weren’t a top draft pick.
Matt Jackson: Well Bill, I’ll have you know I speak for Brock Lesnar –
Voice: BULLSHIT!
The Bullet Club and Bill Simmons turn to face Scott Steiner, with both Sami Zayn and Rick Steiner behind him.
Scott Steiner: Now, I don’t know why Brock Lesnar ain’t here, ‘cept I do know, and that’s cause, he wants to run lickety-split from Scott Steiner. Cause see, Brock Lesnar, he’s from a highly educated university, up there in Minnesota, and he knows, in that big dumb brain of his, that he can’t measure up, to the largest arms in the world, and he knows that there ain’t no gain, that comes with the pain, when he’s screamin’ my name, in the Steiner Recliner.
Bullet Club: . . .
Bill Simmons: What did he say?
Sami Zayn: I don’t know. I’m so sorry. I’ve been trying to teach them both English.
Rick Steiner barks.
Sami Zayn: It’s not working.
Scott Steiner: So fact is, Brock Lesnar would want the Steiner Brothers, being the Tag Team Championships, so he don’t gotta face, the Big Bad Booty Daddy. So you wanna just hand me and Rick them titles, and we gonna be on our way.
Doc Gallows walks in front.
Doc Gallows: You’re gonna have to go through me.
Scott Steiner: Who are you?
Doc Gallows: My name is –
Scott Steiner: YOU’RE FAT! That’s what you are!
Sami Zayn: Guys, I’m really sorry.
Bill Simmons: All right, here’s what we’re doing. Tag Team Championships. Matt, it’s you and any one other partner – Paul, Nick, whoever – against Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Two on two. Nice and easy. Tornado Rules, so you can do all your fancy tag team stuff. Scotty? You and Rick get the #1 contenders’ match against Doc & Karl here. You get the win, you get the shot. Everyone good.
There’s grumbling but nodding. Well, except for Scott.
Scott Steiner: I’MA KICK THESE FAT ASSES SO HARD, THEY’RE GONNA HAVE TO PULL THEIR FAT ASSES, OUT OF THEIR FAT ASSES, LIKE THEY’RE SHITTING THEIR BODIES OUT OF THEIR BODIES!
Rick Steiner barks again.
Sami Zayn: Bill, can I talk to you for a minute?
Bill Simmons: Sure.
The two step aside.
Sami Zayn: Mick Foley doesn’t think I’m tough enough for Lesnar? I’m not just going to beat Mick, I’m going to show him, and you, and everyone else that I’m ready for Brock. Can you give me and Mick . . . a No Disqualification match?
Bill Simmons: I think that can be arranged.
//
Tornado Rules For the Tag Team Championships
#1 Contenders' Match
No Disqualification