[Lucky]

Well that answers my question of how it is you go about theming an Applebees around multiple ethnicities and racial tolerance.

[Courtney]

luckylopez said:

Courtney - Winn Dixie (just because I have no idea what that is)

Grocery Store. They're all over the South.

Thai: Shoes
Solly: The OCD
Doc: Little General
Moose: Gypsy
MKid: Pooper
Tex: Hygiene Guy
Spinch: Fish Food
Punker: Blood Bank
Lucky 1: Ow
Lucky 2: Alumni

[punk/core]

spinch said:

The Melting Pot is a nation-wide chain of very good (but somewhat expensive) fondue restaurants that was founded in Florida in the mid-seventies. There are about 100 of 'em nationwide.

I ate at one last June... man, they were horrible to us. The waitress broke a glass, the water in the fondue pot overflowed... they just fucked up all around.


And now, my guesses:

Thai: Credit Cards
Solly: 40 Year Old Virgin
Court: Home Depot
Doc: Little General
Moose: Bingo Caller
M-Kid: Pizza Maker
Tex: Bad Bathroom Hygiene Guy
Spinch: Fish Food Factory
Lucky: Electrifying
Lucky II: Maintenance Secretary

Edit:

Loki: Attack of the Shirts

[Pun]

courtney said:

luckylopez said:

Courtney - Winn Dixie (just because I have no idea what that is)

Grocery Store. They're all over the South.

They used to be all over the South. That is until Winn-Dixie filed for bankruptcy and closed all their stores in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia (maybe even Tennessee, but I'm not sure).

[Loki]

Sorry I'm late to the party, gang. Since no one has revealed yet I'm going to throw in my stories and then do the guesses. And all of them revolve around the same coworker (this was the one I nailed with the computer prank on April Fools Day)

Solly's cousin - I worked with a Jewish guy that was the reason the cheap Jew stereotype was invented. Every once in a while my company would have food that was leftover from conferences and place it in the break room for the employees to enjoy. It was accompanied by an email that stated "Free food in the break room - enjoy!" Usually it was pizza, salad and pop. First come first served. One memorable time the guy came back with a whole pizza box and a 2 liter of pop. I asked him why he took so much pizza and pop and he said "I'm having a friend over tonight and this way I won't have to buy dinner".

Solly's cousin, II - Same guy wanted to sell his used boots on ebay. They had a hole in them. I tried to explain that no one would buy them, but he said "Why? They're still usable."

Attack of the shirts - Monday through Thursday we're supposed to wear business casual dress. You all know the drill. This guy would wear button down shirts. Button down flannel shirts. We tried to explain to him that flannel shirts were not professional office wear, and his response was 'it's a button down shirt, so it's okay'. To top it off, his ensemble included form fitting straight pants straight out of the 80s that even Teen Wolf would be ashamed to be seen in.

[Loki]

Guesses:

Sal - Credit Cards
Solly - Virgin
Cort - Pizza Inn
DocX - Little General.
Moose - Gypsy
MKid - Ticket Ripper
Tex - Mute Guy
Spinch - DirectTV
Punker - Baseball
Lucky1 - Electrifying
Lucky Dog 2 - Maintenance Secretary

[The Jewish Cunthead]

OMG REVEAL~!

1 - The OCD - TRUE... and she's probably my best friend at work. Go figure.

2 - The 40-yr-old Virgin - TRUE. I wish I was making all of that up but she's fucking nails on a chalkboard when she opens her gullet. It's why I have my headphones on all day.

3- The Hummer - FALSE. Eh pretty easy to figure out... totally made up.

[williamssl]

1. VERY FUCKING LOUD RINGTONE GUY This guy who sits by me gets about 10 calls a day on his cell phone. If he were like most of us, he would have his cell phone set to vibrate, or at least have the volume down low. But no. Not him. "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. As loud as it can get. Nothing like having to explain on a conference call you're on with some higher level executive, "Oh that song you just heard in the background - that's just ringtone man. No, he doesn't have Verizon Wireless. Yes, I'll tell him you said that."

TRUE. It got so that a bunch of us got the same ringtone and turned our ringers up really loud so there would be a chorus of that going on.

2. Bad Bathroom Hygiene Guy It's bad enough this guy never bothers to wash his hands after using the bathroom. No - he has to come into my office on occaision and sit down and talk to me about stuff. Which means when he touches chairs, table, etc....he's spreading the wealth. For some reason he's usually walking around without his shoes on as well. But the topper - I've caught him repeatedly in the shitter talking on his cell phone. To his credit, he does have Verizon Wireless.

True. There are signs in the bathroom about washing your hands. I've taken a pen and written his name on them. And yes, I do try to "out" him when I catch him doing this. One time he was talking to his wife and I did yell "CRAIG - DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW YOU'RE TALKING TO HER SITTING IN THE BATHROOM?" followed by the symphony of toilet flushes. You think he'd learn not to talk on the cell phone, wouldn't you?

3. Doesn't Know How to Hit Mute Guy Every fucking conference call I'm on with this guy, in the middle of the call you'll hear him having a conversation with someone around him. All of our phones have mute buttons, so then people on the call start yelling "Craig - either pay attention to the call you're on or at least hit mute." Sometimes we have to Instant Message him to tell him to shut up or hit mute. One time he made a disparaging unmuted comment on a call I was hosting. "No - you're not interrupting me. I'm on this fucking waste of time call." It was fun bringing him back to that call and letting him know he wasn't on mute again. Went round robin to all the participants - Do you think this call is a fucking waste of time like Craig does? Do you? Wow Craig, you're the only one who thinks this is a fucking waste of time. What is making it a fucking waste of time for you?" Sorry - no Verizon Wireless insert on this one.

FALSE. Much of this is true...and Bad Bathroom Hygiene Guy happens to be this guy too - they are one in the same. But the part about the unmuted comment on the call I was hosting was completely made up.

[salmonjunkie]

Shoes - Totally Al Bundy. I sold shoes for Sears. Who the fuck buys shoes at Sears? I'll tell you who - fat women and women with hairy feet. The only thing that made this job cool was the discount on Craftsman tools and that I jumped around the stock room like a daredevil monkey when I needed to grab shoes that required a ladder to reach.

TRUE - I 'moved up' from selling men's clothes to shoes, because men's clothes were hourly, and shoes were hourly + commission. Got fired when my buddy in auto had a scheme to steal tires and was being successful at it. Somehow I got talked into being involved and we got caught. I lost my job. He went to jail for a weekend.

Credit Cards - Sold "secured credit cards" which were essentially a scam and targeted people with bad credit. We officially didn't have a quota, but really we did. And 60% of us who worked there were juniors/seniors in high school. The company was closed by the BBB a few months after I was fired.

TRUE - I was fired for not making the quota that didn't exist. They told me it was because I showed up late to work one day (a day I was completely hungover). But that didn't quite add up because they fired about half the staff that day. It was a Monday, when people would come in to get their paychecks. I remember being at the front desk, getting my last pay check, turning to my friend Michelle and having this dialogue:

Me: "Did you just get fired?"
Her: "Yeah"
Me: "All right!"
and we high-fived right in front of our newly-former supervisor

Knives - Door to door and by appointment. We were actually paid for every appointment we set up, and paid a lot more if we sold the shit. Felt weird trying to solicit my friend's parents into selling kitchen knives (Don West anybody?). Luckily my friends parents all liked me. Didn't sell a single set, though.

FALSE - Worked with a guy at Baskin Robbins who did this after the Baskin Robbins closed down. He actually went to my parents for an appointment.

[punk/core]

Mental Hospital - True. I used to work temp jobs for the county at three-month intervals, and one of the assignments was for a mental hospital. I didn't like the people that worked there at all. They used to berate the patients and stuff... totally not cool.

Blood Bank - False. I applied there for the job, but never got a call back from hem.

Baseball Team - True. Worked there the entire 2004 season. One of the worst jobs I've ever had. The people I worked with were total pricks. I worked the front desk and couldn't leave, lest someone call or come in and not have anything there to answer questions. Most days involved me sitting there bored out of my mind, and giving smart-ass answers to the people that called.

[Lucky]

Stage The First:

Slave Labor: TRUE. They were actually pretty smooth about it. We had spent the whole summer doing little odds and ends along with our regular tasks. Just small stuff to help. Mostly hauling stuff around. Then they fell behind schedule and we started to do a little more. It made sense. Stuff needed to get done and we were available to help. Then slowly we started doing more and they started doing less. Eventually the workers never showed up for work and we're working 9 hour days on the building. After a few days we start to ask around and it turns out the school fired those guys over money and decide the school maintenance staff would finish the building! Worked out fine for the full time employees but the student workers were fucked the hard way. In the end middle management felt for us. We were getting lunch every day and big bar dinners and drinks every few days. Folks would clock in our cards for extra hours before and after we were at work. And in weeks after the job was done we' get full days clocked in when we had off. We probably got screwed hard anyway, but it was enough to make us feel a little better about it. My college were fucking dicks.

Electrifying: TRUE. Did I mention that my college staff were dicks? Honestly, it was a reasonable mistake and I'm as much to blame for not checking the outlet as they are. It really was 1 outlet (as best as we could tell) hooked up to a circuit that ran the floor above us. Really weird wiring. I was a little fucked up for awhile, took a breather for about 30 and then took it light the rest of the way. No lasting effects to the best of my knowledge but I got electrocuted AND thrown off a ladder in one story.

Oww?: FALSE. It happened to my buddy, actually. I was merely a drunken witness. I was shocked and he didn't feel a thing. That was a shitty job but it had its memorable moments. I've got more.


Jobs I Hooked Up At

Maintenance Secretary: FALSE. I've never had a soccer chick and it remains a deep regret. And I presume it will always be one of my great regrets because I'm a bit too old to be fucking college girls now. She WAS a hot, drunk slut who hung with my roomies but quite a few of them had been there well before then. In fact, one of my buds would do it semi regular. Honestly, there's probably truth in the "it was a matter of effort" idea. Had I made a concentrated effort maybe, but I did not. I took drunk soccer sluts for granted.

Alumni Director: TRUE baby! Right up there with the Irish exchange student I hooked up with in summer school. Alumni Director was much hotter. And had a good 5 years on me. It was just so badass to hook up with an older, hot, school employee, at a school event. Man I'm proud.

School Teachers: TRUE. Its all there. I actually realized this years before. When I was in school my college had a good education program. One of my buds was pretty much the only male Ed major I knew and I asked him what the deal was. One day I walk him to class and he showed me. 20 some odd hot chicks and him. Most of them considerate, good minded, grounded ladies. It was beautiful. You get older folks mixxed in in the real market but its not hard to spread out. I subbed so I got to know a few different groups and I have a couple of female college friends who are teachers now. So even when I'm not teaching, I'll be headed out tomorrow night with a group of hot teachers. Its a better deal when you work with them, though. But "yeah, I'm a teacher too" works plenty. Chicks dig it.

[Spinch]

1. Fish Food Factory. TRUE. It was a dark time in my life... one day's wage between a six month long period of being unemployed. I ended up getting a blister on my finger from screwing so many caps on. Fuck HBH and their lousy fish food plant. The worst part of all of this is that I went to the jobsite after having been told that I'd be working in a clerical position.

2. DirecTV Phone Bitch. TRUE. Our location would tend to get a few VIP calls every day, and those were mine over a three-month span. Convergys ended up telling my entire team one day that our non-billable phone time was too high (which I had learned was code for "they're cleaning house) and fired us all the next day. Since I knew that the end was near, I gave the last few people that I talked to that were cool with me a free year's worth of Total Choice Platinum. Fuck Convergys.

3. Server at The Melting Pot. False. I never served at The Melting Pot, although I'm the only person in my family who doesn't work there right now. Dad (who's currently Director of Ops for the franchise that he's with, but was GM at the time) was the one who Steve-O approached when he ate at the restaurant and Mom quickly put the kibosh on that.

[Jack Quinn]

Christian Food Store - my first college job, I guess it wasn't really a christian food store, it was just a discount food place. They sold dented cans and stuff like that. My job was in the back, sorting the shit so others could take it out and stock the store. I swear it looked like someone backed a dumptruck into the back and just dumped the stuff there. The job itself wasn't that bad. What was bad was that they piped Christian rock through the store. At first you can ignore it, but then it slowly starts invading your senses and next thing you know you have some silly god song stuck in your head

This is true

bingo caller - up on the reservation in Cherokee they have the main bingo games that are big money. Well they also have smaller, cheaper games for the low rollers. A friend of mine worked security at one of them (not really sure why you need security when the pot was rarely more than $100) and he got me in calling games one summer. All I had to do was pick numbers out of a hopper. It didn't pay all that great (I believe at the time minimum wage was something like $4.35 or something) but you couldn't get a much easier job

FALSE - completely made up

gypsy - a lady I worked with at Pizza Hut and a bed & breakfast. At the B&B she was a dishwasher. She would keep her purse next to the sink, I assume she had a bag or something in there. When plates came back with sausage or something she thought was tasty, she would scrape it into her purse instead of the garbage. At pizza hut she got excited when someone would order an anchovy pizza. If we used up all the anchovies she would drink the anchovy juice.

All true, and she was just as nasty as you might imagine

[Courtney]

I guess I need to reveal:

1) Home Depot- False, but my dad does work there.

2) Pizza Inn- True and I did make a lot of money.

3) Winn Dixie- True and I only worked like 2 or 3 shifts.

[salmonjunkie]

Solly - The Hummer - CORRECT!
Court - Home Depot - CORRECT!
docX - Stinky - wrong
moose - bingo caller - CORRECT!
M-kid - ticket ripper - wrong
Tex - bathroom guy - wrong
spinch - fish food - wrong
punker - mental hospital - wrong
Lucky I - oww? - CORRECT!
Lucky II - alumni director - wrong
Loki - Solly's Cousin II - wrong

4

[The Jewish Cunthead]

5... probably my best showing so far

Thai - Shoes - WRONG
Court - Home Depot - RIGHT
Doc - General - WRONG
Moose - Bingo - RIGHT
MKid - Scooper - RIGHT
Tex - Bathroom - WRONG
Spinch - DirecTV - WRONG
Punker - Mental - WRONG
Lucky I - Owwww - RIGHT
Lucky II - Alumni - WRONG
Loki - Solly's cousin - RIGHT

[Loki]

Solly's cousin - I worked with a Jewish guy that was the reason the cheap Jew stereotype was invented. Every once in a while my company would have food that was leftover from conferences and place it in the break room for the employees to enjoy. It was accompanied by an email that stated "Free food in the break room - enjoy!" Usually it was pizza, salad and pop. First come first served. One memorable time the guy came back with a whole pizza box and a 2 liter of pop. I asked him why he took so much pizza and pop and he said "I'm having a friend over tonight and this way I won't have to buy dinner".

FALSE - But I'm sure that the only reason this didn't happen is that he was never the first one to the break room.


Solly's cousin, II - Same guy wanted to sell his used boots on ebay. They had a hole in them. I tried to explain that no one would buy them, but he said "Why? They're still usable."

TRUE - Sad, huh?


Attack of the shirts - Monday through Thursday we're supposed to wear business casual dress. You all know the drill. This guy would wear button down shirts. Button down flannel shirts. We tried to explain to him that flannel shirts were not professional office wear, and his response was 'it's a button down shirt, so it's okay'. To top it off, his ensemble included form fitting straight pants straight out of the 80s that even Teen Wolf would be ashamed to be seen in.

TRUE - This kid was a real winner. I have a zillion stories about the stuff he's said/done/wore. He's been gone from the company for two years and he still lives on in office lore.

[Loki]

loki said:

Guesses:

Sal - Credit Cards
Solly - Virgin
Cort - Pizza Inn
DocX - Little General
Moose - Gypsy
MKid - Ticket Ripper
Tex - Mute Guy
Spinch - DirectTV
Punker - Baseball
Lucky1 - Electrifying
Lucky Dog 2 - Maintenance Secretary



Ouch. Only 2 right.

[docx]

The King: Naw. I made that up. I'm actually surprised more people didn't guess this one.

The Little General: Unfortunately, true. D.L. Hughley has a bit where he talks about how there's always one person at everyone's job who's a half-inch from getting his ass beat all the time. This is the guy who fills that role for me. He's a reprehensible little toad.

Stinky: True. And like I said, I feel a little bad about getting irritated. He's a nice enough guy, and he is an old man. But then again, I find that smells affect me, and nobody wants to sit and smell someone's ass all day.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

1. Pizza Maker - TRUE. It was a decent enough job. But I was only getting 10 hours or so each week so I moved on.

2.Ticket Ripper - TRUE. I loved this job. I met my wife here and I got to watch movies for free. Any movie I was slightly interested in I saw for free plus got free popcorn and soda. I miss the theater.

3.Pooper Scooper - FALSE. I never did the Disney College Program. Right after I graduated I got a job directly into Finance. This little tale is one they do tell about one of our executives who did start his career by scooping poop in the parade.