[Chris Eco]

(9) House of the Dead



Rudy: You did all this to become immortal. Why?
Castillo: To live forever!

vs.

(24) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King



Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path. One that we must all take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all change to silver glass... And then you see it.
Pippin: What, Gandalf? See what?
Gandalf: White shores and beyond. A far green country, under a swift sunrise.
Pippin: Well... That isn't so bad.
Gandalf: No... No it isn't.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

How the hell did Return make this? That movie is awesome.

[Lucky]

I can personally understand why you don't like the LotR movies. And I can understand why the success and popularity they had might embitter you to them. And I know one guy who just hates fantasy. But I don't see why 1 of the LotR would be worse than the other. And I mean, hell, wasn't the 2nd worse than the 3rd? No action, no great character development. That one bored me more than any of them.

HotD is evil though. I like abbreviations.

[Krydor]

Uwe Boll gets the vote. Even though that movie was bound to be shit.

[Chris Eco]

To be fair, I combined a vote for the whole Rings trilogy with a vote for Return of the King to get it the #24 seed. And to be honest, I absolutely HATED that movie. But just looking at the piece of dialogue from House of the Dead, I can't imagine it's better than Return.

[Batman]

luckylopez said:

I can personally understand why you don't like the LotR movies. And I can understand why the success and popularity they had might embitter you to them. And I know one guy who just hates fantasy. But I don't see why 1 of the LotR would be worse than the other. And I mean, hell, wasn't the 2nd worse than the 3rd? No action, no great character development. That one bored me more than any of them.

HotD is evil though. I like abbreviations.

They all had the giant glowing pussy in the sky and were boring as all hell, but only RotK had the endings that wouldn't end. Jesus, that was hilarious.

[Lucky]

See, as much as I'm not a fan of it the multiple endings thing didn't bother me all that much. I don't quite get why it does bother so many. There were like 20 characters in the film all with different paths. Damn near all those guys who get together in 1 end up getting separated by 2 and even when they get back together they have their own homes and worlds to go back to. The whole point of the story is that this is an evil that threatens everyone in every little world no matter how isolated they may feel from each other, so it makes sense to go peer on all their little worlds and the fallout. It was excessive but I'm not sure entirely unreasonable.

Don't get me wrong. Once I got past the amazing visuals of 1 it hit home hard how boring the damn films were. I totally get that. And 2? Dear Christ I wanted to kill myself during it. I think it took me 3 viewings to even understand what was happening because I kept dozing off or zoning out during it. But here's how I view the 3.

1: Your first look at the amazing visuals; actual linear storytelling
2: half a dozen different stories happening at once, all of them boring; Golem, Frodo, and Rudy's gay triangle
3: Crazy ass battle scene; all the stories finally tie back together; the movie that never ends

2 is the only one I can't draw true redeeming quality from.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

2 had the best fight scene: Helm's Deep. It was also the one where Gimli & Legolas stepped up to take some of the comic relief. They had some decent one liners during the battle scenes.

Personally Two Towers is my favorite of the trilogy.

[Stu]

Two Towers also had Gandalf vs. The Balrog.

[The Canadian Content]

I thought that was the end of Fellowship.

[Batman]

Lucky, I wasn't bothered by the ending. I might have been bothered if I had been enjoying it up until that point, but I was already hating it, so the end was just icing. And the "so many characters needed their final moments" isn't really an excuse. Mostly it was just ending after ending specifically for Frodo. And every one of them a gigantic fucking cliche.

[Lucky]

Meh. It was a happy ending. Cliche and all. King is kinged, lowly hobbits get honored, Rudy gets married, story gets written, heroes left alone in the world depart to the next world. I mean hell, its like the same ending to The Witch and the Wardrobe, isn't it? Its been a decade since I read the book and I was unable to sit through the movie but that struck me as the basic story. Kings/Queens get crowned, lowly creatures who did heroic things are given unprecedented honors, some people settle down, some heroes move on to new adventures. Its just a basic, old fashioned story. Don't want cliche, don't watch "good vs evil" in its truest sense.

I too thought Gandalf fought the big thing at the end of 1. Because he was dead by the time 1 ended, Frodo/Rudy split, and the hobbit from Lost and his brother got captured.

MKid, sorry but I think 2 is useless. I have no idea what Helm's End was. None of the names in that movie clicked with me. In fact that's part of the reason I hate fantasy and sci fi. The need to learn an entire vernacular and world to keep track of shit. I'm guising those other two guys you named are Orlando Bloom and Sallah from the Indy films. The comic relief did nothing for me and the 2 hours of Viggo Mortenson talking to people I couldn't tell apart from one another because some king was possessed while his daughter lusted after him even though it went nowhere is specifically what put me to sleep. The elf and dwarf were mildly amusing and I seem to recall them competing for kills (but I think that was in 3) but they did little for me. Meanwhile annoying ass Golem/Rudy/Frodo, that weird story of the humans who hold Frodo hostage, and the fucking walking trees! I can't even remember what the hell happened in that film.

Really, I dug 1 and 2 totally lost me and killed any fun I might have had with 3. Although that honestly probably has as much to do with my dislike for sci fi/fantasy as anything. I just think this is one of those cases where I feel like asking everyone who hated the LotR movies if they like fantasy. And if the answer is no then it seems to remove a lot of the weight of their judgment. Mine as well. Don't watch shit you don't generally like. Odds are you won't like it.

[Stu]

psychofish said:

I thought that was the end of Fellowship.

Yeah, the bit on the bridge, but them falling down the big pit and to the very bottom of the mountain, then fighting all the back up to the peak was Two Towers.

[Moreofabreadguyanyway]

Only the second LOTR sucked, the other two, including Return of the King, were perfectly acceptable. I'd say that ROTK deserved the best picture nod.

[Krydor]

Lucky,

You've read the LoTR trilogy? That's pretty much how the books end. Buncha queer hobbits jumping about.

[Lucky]

Long, long time ago. The Hobbit was my dad's favorite book so I read it or had it read to me a dozen times. LotR just once a long time ago.

[punk/core]

sergeial said:

They all had the giant glowing pussy in the sky and were boring as all hell, but only RotK had the endings that wouldn't end. Jesus, that was hilarious.

I just laughed my fucking pants off. Awesome.

Also, the LotR movies were boring and gay.

[Chris Eco]

Considering that we seem to be discussing how much Lord of the Rings sucked, how is House of the Dead leading? Like I said, I voted for House of the Dead just assuming it was worse, did everyone else do that too?

[Lucky]

MKid, produce, and I stuck up for it. Krydor, Punker, Serge, and you trashed it. Krydor and you voted House of the Dead. So seems like that's your 2 votes right there.

Not that I have any idea if the other 7 HotD voters saw the film or just presumed it worse. Or liked LotR.

[williamssl]

ya know - it would be nice if people at the very least posted about what they were voting for (or against). Bonus for logic why. I'm still looking at the Glitter / 9-11 contest and Lucky is the only person who has given a reason why there's a Glitter vote, despite it having 7 presently. I may disagree with Lucky, but I sure as hell respect him for saying "I voted for X and here's why".

I haven't voted here and I probably won't. Didn't see House of the Dead, and didn't think LotR especially sucked.

[chretienbabacool]

Bah, LOTR was great, and I say that as a hardcore fan of the books who expected to hate the movies. The ending was exactly how the books ended, so eh, book nerd support here.

Other then that though, the movie was pretty darn close to the books, so I think it's a situation of, if you hate the books you'll probably hate the movies, unless you enjoyed the concept of the books but couldn't get past the language.

In the end though, aside from a few overly dramatic scenes, no Tom Bombadil and not particularly liking the elves outside of Legolas, I loved me some LOTR.

[creepy]

Both were lame. Super lame. But at least the LOTR 3 one was supposed to be good. It won the Best Picture for crying out fucking loud.

[Krydor]

I didn't trash the movie, at least not in a severe way. All three are about gay hobbits, but Strider redeems the films, as do the awesome battles.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

I hated the Tom Bambidil chapter of the books so the movie got more points for taking that out!

[Chris Eco]

Yes, but Creepy, Oscar voters are STUPID. Plus, nothing else came out that year. I mean, I liked Seabiscuit. I don't Best Picture like Seabiscuit. Compare with 2005's Crash (Awesome) vs. Good Night and Good Luck (really good) vs. Munich (Awesome) vs. Brokeback Mountain and Capote (both of which I did not see.)

And if you need reasons, Tex, the Army of the Dead swooping in Deus ex machina style was more than enough reason to vote LotR here.

But here's why you vote House of the Dead: Go to 40 seconds and watch them shoot for 10 seconds. They used VIDEO GAME CLIPS.

And that music is terrible.

Oh man, did I make the right call.