Me vs My Coworker on Super Smash Brother.
Apr 8, 2008 0:02:15 GMT -5
Post by OpTard on Apr 8, 2008 0:02:15 GMT -5
so, the past six months have been about nothing but smash brothers for my one coworker. so i decided to borrow melee from my cousins and check the game out. my friends and i threw it in, played 3 matches, decided the game is retarded and took it out.
my coworker is obviously shocked and appalled by this. and we just had this little exchange about my experience with the game. i'm sure if any of you are 1/4 the fan of smash brothers he is, you'll probably agree firmly with him and think i'm an idiot. so i present the exchange here for your enjoyment:
VHA32 (11:31:50 PM): just ensured my GTA 4 for day of release, AND it only cost me 26 bucks
R----------r (11:32:07 PM): now if only you could solve your problem
VHA32 (11:32:25 PM): what problem? that smash brothers is a shitty game?
VHA32 (11:32:40 PM): that's not my problem. it's the game's
R----------r (11:32:43 PM): your problem of being completely ignorant about everything there is to know about gaming
R----------r (11:33:04 PM): there is no hope for you
VHA32 (11:33:13 PM): i know how to put it in the game system, play, and see if it's fun or not.
R----------r (11:33:25 PM): you may know two of those things
VHA32 (11:34:17 PM): i now how to jump around and kick aimlessly, basically just trying to avoid falling off the edge, just to see a winner arbitrarily picked after 2 minutes.
R----------r (11:34:32 PM): the winner was the one of you two who sucked less
R----------r (11:34:40 PM): but you both probably sucked so much, it didnt know who to pick
VHA32 (11:34:40 PM): 3
VHA32 (11:34:43 PM): there were 3 of us
R----------r (11:35:01 PM): well then its a trifecta of suck
R----------r (11:35:06 PM): 761 trisuckta
VHA32 (11:35:29 PM): this guy randomly fell off the edge less. WINNER!
R----------r (11:36:24 PM): i guess you cant handle the fact that there are some games that reward people for sucking less than you do
R----------r (11:37:22 PM): pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF229-Miggs.jpg
VHA32 (11:38:10 PM): we all sucked at SSX tricky when we first played it, but it was still fun
VHA32 (11:38:53 PM): i just sent that to miggels
R----------r (11:39:13 PM): ssx tricky is a satisfactory game in every sense of production and implementation
VHA32 (11:39:26 PM): it was more fun
R----------r (11:39:37 PM): melee is layered so deep, you could play it for years and still not figure out everything about it
VHA32 (11:39:57 PM): i also finally hooked my 360 to the interwebs and can play my old xbox games again
R----------r (11:39:59 PM): and it probably sold about
R----------r (11:40:08 PM): 60 times more than SSX tricky
R----------r (11:40:09 PM): so
R----------r (11:40:11 PM): big business
R----------r (11:40:18 PM): you can argue with the customers
VHA32 (11:40:36 PM): sales doesn't equal quility
R----------r (11:40:36 PM): and put that up against the highest selling gamecube game in existence
R----------r (11:40:42 PM): no, but here
R----------r (11:40:46 PM): they reflect it
VHA32 (11:40:48 PM): american is the most watched show on television, remember
VHA32 (11:40:53 PM): american idol
R----------r (11:41:04 PM): and you yourself said the other day that gaming is different
VHA32 (11:41:17 PM): from american idol?
VHA32 (11:41:24 PM): i don't remember making the comparison
R----------r (11:41:29 PM): from other entertainment mediums
VHA32 (11:42:01 PM): did i? in what context? i don't remember this
R----------r (11:42:16 PM): in the context of your face
VHA32 (11:42:16 PM): i must not have been paying attention to myself
R----------r (11:42:25 PM): just remember
R----------r (11:42:27 PM): melee
R----------r (11:42:30 PM): best gamecube game made
R----------r (11:42:41 PM): best balance of skill for competition
VHA32 (11:42:46 PM): sure. if you're not into fun
R----------r (11:42:46 PM): out of any fighting game
R----------r (11:42:54 PM): and probably every competetive video
game
VHA32 (11:43:07 PM): madden's got a good balance of skill
R----------r (11:43:23 PM): i will assert that madden has more random factors in it than melee does
R----------r (11:43:30 PM): example
R----------r (11:43:40 PM): your receiver will not always catch the ball
R----------r (11:43:44 PM): no matter how perfectly under it he is
VHA32 (11:44:15 PM): no. if you know how to do it, and you're not blocked, you will catch it. always
R----------r (11:44:16 PM): sometimes it bounces off based off a random chance
R----------r (11:44:23 PM): no, you will not always catch it
VHA32 (11:44:27 PM): my roommate in college proved that to me
R----------r (11:44:39 PM): your roommate in college just touched you at night
R----------r (11:44:50 PM): and said you were playing madden
VHA32 (11:44:54 PM): i know. he only thought i was sleeping
VHA32 (11:45:41 PM): no seriously. there's things in madden i don't even know how to do. like if you're running to catch a ball you can arch back and get a better hand on it and stuff. there's more to it than what most people do
VHA32 (11:46:04 PM): and a blocker doesn't have to literally swat a ball away to have done his job
VHA32 (11:46:57 PM): madden definitely has balance of skill
VHA32 (11:47:25 PM): oh, and it's fun
R----------r (11:47:27 PM): not to mention the fact that you control 1
R----------r (11:47:45 PM): out of an entire team of AI
R----------r (11:48:01 PM): you cant account for every single linemen
R----------r (11:48:33 PM): and if you didnt have fun beating up people with a completely original and innovative system of balanced fighting using characters you grew up with
R----------r (11:48:37 PM): i cant help you with anything
VHA32 (11:48:38 PM): but you don't randomly jump around and kick and hope not to fall off the field
R----------r (11:48:54 PM): and the controls for SSBM are more responsive than any madden game
VHA32 (11:48:55 PM): and the winner is the person with more points, not whoever the computer randomly picks
R----------r (11:49:14 PM): the winner in a stupid time match that you asses played is the one with more points
R----------r (11:49:17 PM): though in your case
R----------r (11:49:32 PM): it was probably the one with the least amoutn of negative points
VHA32 (11:50:05 PM): there were no points. there was just a percentage that dropped to zero whenever you fell off.
R----------r (11:50:10 PM): you're an idiot
R----------r (11:50:13 PM): you get a point for a KO
R----------r (11:50:16 PM): you lose it for a self death
R----------r (11:50:20 PM): you hit someone and they fall off
R----------r (11:50:22 PM): you get a point
R----------r (11:50:28 PM): you knock someone through a boundary, you get a point
VHA32 (11:50:30 PM): what KOs? there were no power meters
R----------r (11:50:34 PM): oh my god
R----------r (11:50:37 PM): oh my god
R----------r (11:51:05 PM): there really is no hope for you
R----------r (11:51:17 PM): if you couldnt even grasp the concept after the first 30 seconds
VHA32 (11:51:17 PM): so it really is just about avoiding falling off, huh?
R----------r (11:51:30 PM): maybe if you cant chew gum and walk at the same time
R----------r (11:51:37 PM): its about knocking the other guy through the level boundaries
R----------r (11:51:42 PM): you damage him
R----------r (11:51:45 PM): his percentage goes up
R----------r (11:51:49 PM): the higher the percentage goes up
R----------r (11:51:55 PM): the further each attack sends him
VHA32 (11:52:06 PM): what level boundaries? i'm on a floating island. every once in a while someone falls off
R----------r (11:52:10 PM): there are hundreds of ataacks with hundreds of different parameters
R----------r (11:52:20 PM): some are star KO moves
R----------r (11:52:25 PM): they send the people through the top of the screen
R----------r (11:52:34 PM): some are sideways KO moves
R----------r (11:52:39 PM): they send the person through the left and right boundaries
R----------r (11:52:41 PM): some are spikes
R----------r (11:52:44 PM): they send someone straight down
R----------r (11:52:50 PM): so when someone's jumping back the platform
R----------r (11:52:53 PM): you jump over them
R----------r (11:52:56 PM): spike them
R----------r (11:52:57 PM): and jump back
VHA32 (11:53:29 PM): and why is there no points meter on the screen. people like to know how they're doing
R----------r (11:53:45 PM): because you're supposed to play stock
R----------r (11:53:50 PM): and because it keeps you from stalling
VHA32 (11:54:04 PM): that's dumb
R----------r (11:54:24 PM): you didnt understand the simple concept of a smash brothers match
R----------r (11:54:29 PM): i dont think youre in any position to call somethign dumb
VHA32 (11:54:51 PM): so if you play stock, you just fight till someone randomly falls off 3 times
R----------r (11:54:57 PM): no
R----------r (11:55:09 PM): you fight until you KO someone however many times you set it up for
R----------r (11:55:22 PM): how and when you get KO'd is entirely up to you
R----------r (11:55:40 PM): the more horrible you are, the more it may seem like its random
R----------r (11:55:46 PM): i myself
R----------r (11:55:55 PM): will never get KO'd through the bottom boundary
R----------r (11:56:03 PM): because there's not a point on the level i can't recover from
VHA32 (11:56:06 PM): i call that falling off
R----------r (11:56:24 PM): i call it SUCKING!
R----------r (11:56:34 PM): i fell off the stage the first day i played it
R----------r (11:56:39 PM): because the speed was higher than the first smash brothers
R----------r (11:56:43 PM): the gravity was increased
R----------r (11:56:55 PM): and I didnt know they changed Fox's aerial forward A from the spiral kick to a cyclone kick
R----------r (11:57:16 PM): but because I'm a not a terrible gamer and have the ability to adapt, i learned not to do that kick while edge guarding again
R----------r (11:57:28 PM): and i didnt fall off in mid-cyclone kick after that
R----------r (11:58:51 PM): i bet you didnt even know about recovery moves
VHA32 (11:59:02 PM): well, i played as starfox, and i jumped around a kicked alot. at one point i think i was shooting something. but that might have been when i was princess toadstool, or whatever name they're giving her. then i away from the guy who was jumping and kicking at me. then one of us fell off
R----------r (11:59:09 PM): first of all
R----------r (11:59:11 PM): his name is Fox
R----------r (11:59:12 PM): second of all
R----------r (11:59:20 PM): that's the worst character you could have picked to start off with
VHA32 (11:59:36 PM): we played 3 games. i was 3 different people
R----------r (11:59:43 PM): he's much too fast for your pitiful abilities
VHA32 (12:00:01 AM): i was starfox, princess toadstool, or whatevr name they're giving her, and sammus.
R----------r (12:00:10 AM): you mean
R----------r (12:00:12 AM): Fox McCloud
R----------r (12:00:14 AM): Princess Peach
R----------r (12:00:17 AM): and Samus Aran
VHA32 (12:00:26 AM): that's what i said
VHA32 (12:00:48 AM): or maybe i was jiggypuff. is there a jigglypuff?
VHA32 (12:00:51 AM): no
R----------r (12:00:53 AM): yes, there's a jiggly puff
VHA32 (12:00:54 AM): i didn't use him
R----------r (12:01:03 AM): though you probably didnt have her unlocked
VHA32 (12:01:11 AM): starfox, princess toadstool and samus
VHA32 (12:02:02 AM): and then we put tricky back on
VHA32 (12:02:21 AM): we knew it stunk after 6 minutes
R----------r (12:02:51 AM): considering all the tricky you play, your view on stink is clearly obscured
VHA32 (12:03:22 AM): played tony hawk tonight. that's a great game
R----------r (12:03:28 AM): which one
R----------r (12:03:29 AM): oh
R----------r (12:03:30 AM): it doesnt matter
R----------r (12:03:32 AM): THEY'RE ALL THE SAME
VHA32 (12:03:49 AM): though i have to re-unlock all the boards since all my saves were on my xbox
VHA32 (12:04:24 AM): i'm glad they're the same. i'm afraid to try the new madden cuz i heard they switched it up
VHA32 (12:04:39 AM): if it's anything like this year's NCAA game, i don't want to go near it
R----------r (12:04:46 AM): you may find out you suck at it and stop playing it after six minutes
R----------r (12:04:58 AM): because it REQUIRES SKILL!
VHA32 (12:05:34 AM): people spend a decade training in madden and to just change it? that's no good
R----------r (12:05:57 AM): god forbid EA stop recycling the same formula
VHA32 (12:05:59 AM): but i haven't actually played this year's madden. just the NCAA. they may have just ruined the one game
VHA32 (12:06:30 AM): is brawl completely different from melee which is completely different from the original?
VHA32 (12:06:41 AM): or are they the same game with bits added?
R----------r (12:06:48 AM): they should be chastized for stopping their stranglehold on the progress of videogames that they've applied since their conception
R----------r (12:07:04 AM): the amount of difference between brawl and melee
R----------r (12:07:10 AM): may cover madden
R----------r (12:07:12 AM): from 98
R----------r (12:07:15 AM): to 2024
R----------r (12:07:29 AM): they completely changed the single player mode
R----------r (12:07:36 AM): the single player mode alone could have been its own game
R----------r (12:08:03 AM): but they also broadended the multiplay moreso than melee did with the original
R----------r (12:08:11 AM): and allowing for online and stage building modes
VHA32 (12:08:14 AM): madden's changed their single player. starting with just exebition games, then adding seasons, then adding franchise and dyansty modes
R----------r (12:08:49 AM): that's not even a close comparision
R----------r (12:08:51 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:08:58 AM): it took then about 10 years and 20 games to do it
VHA32 (12:09:05 AM): oh, and madden's fun to play
VHA32 (12:09:09 AM): can't forget that
R----------r (12:09:34 AM): and the difference between a season game and dynasty game is the same game in a different manner
R----------r (12:09:55 AM): thats not the type of change i was talking about with brawl's single player
VHA32 (12:10:05 AM): the advances in franchise and dynasy modes isn't in the football
VHA32 (12:10:10 AM): it's in the team management
R----------r (12:10:16 AM): is that the fun part?
VHA32 (12:10:36 AM): hell yeah. building a good team. keeping asses in the seats
R----------r (12:10:46 AM): you're hopeless
R----------r (12:10:48 AM): stop talking to me
R----------r (12:10:56 AM): you've already sucked half an hour from my work
VHA32 (12:11:25 AM): just because your football team would go bankrupt in 2 seasons, you don't gotta take it out on me.
R----------r (12:12:03 AM): i figured out how a smash brothers match works
R----------r (12:12:09 AM): i think i can figure out how to manage my team
R----------r (12:12:18 AM): apparently, the former is a mind-boggling concept
VHA32 (12:20:04 AM): you probably read the manual
R----------r (12:20:26 AM): i didnt have a manual for the first game
R----------r (12:20:33 AM): we stole the game from my neighbor
R----------r (12:20:44 AM): i used my eyes
R----------r (12:20:49 AM): then played on the practice mode
R----------r (12:20:51 AM): then i realized
R----------r (12:20:53 AM): oh
R----------r (12:20:59 AM): they made all the move input the same
R----------r (12:21:23 AM): so that it could be a simple, responsive, applied control system
VHA32 (12:21:45 AM): so what you're saying is you played it more than 3 times
R----------r (12:21:51 AM): in my life?
R----------r (12:21:52 AM): yes
R----------r (12:21:56 AM): but it took me
R----------r (12:21:59 AM): 0 times to figure it out
R----------r (12:22:24 AM): and i thought you said you played the first game
VHA32 (12:22:33 AM): once. i played it once.
R----------r (12:23:01 AM): you know how many times you needed to play it to know what at the very least, the objective of SSBM was
R----------r (12:23:05 AM): nonce
R----------r (12:23:14 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:23:30 AM): it fucking tells you right in the cinema
VHA32 (12:23:43 AM): cinema? see you'
VHA32 (12:23:53 AM): you're going on all these assumptions
VHA32 (12:24:13 AM): we popped the game in, told it to play a match, and played
R----------r (12:24:36 AM): i'm assuming you turned the game on
R----------r (12:24:39 AM): thats all you had to do
VHA32 (12:25:11 AM): no. there's nothing on screen to indicate anything at all
VHA32 (12:27:47 AM): you have a percentage. you jump and kick. everyone in a while a kick will send you shooting off the side of the screen, but you don't remember doing anyhting special or different than when you kicked and they got knocked back and inch. there's no indication that them flying off screen got you any points or that there's points in it at all. then 2 minutes are up and they announce a winner. with you having no idea who they might say.
R----------r (12:28:11 AM): everything you said is wrong and you're an idiot
R----------r (12:28:20 AM): except for
R----------r (12:28:22 AM): you have a percentage
R----------r (12:28:39 AM): a kick doesnt send you off the stage "everyone in a while"
R----------r (12:28:46 AM): its based off you percentage
R----------r (12:28:54 AM): any bit of deductive reasoning will tell you that
R----------r (12:29:06 AM): the higher your percentage is, the further you are sent
VHA32 (12:29:16 AM): so percentage is a bad thing?
R----------r (12:29:18 AM): if you dont remember doing anything special, you need to get a catscan
R----------r (12:29:21 AM): well lets think
R----------r (12:29:26 AM): you start off at zero
R----------r (12:29:30 AM): getting hit makes it go up
R----------r (12:29:32 AM): obviously
R----------r (12:29:36 AM): its your damage percentage
VHA32 (12:29:40 AM): i swear to god i was fighting to get my percentage higher
R----------r (12:29:48 AM): my god you are a dope
R----------r (12:30:12 AM): i cant help you if you cant even perceptively take in your surroundings and the most simple hud you could possibly have
VHA32 (12:30:14 AM): i thought it was going up when i hit them
R----------r (12:30:18 AM): thats the ONLY thing you have to pay attention to
R----------r (12:30:20 AM): jesus christ
R----------r (12:30:50 AM): so its not even an issue of putting two and two together
R----------r (12:31:07 AM): you still have to learn to read the board
R----------r (12:31:12 AM): that's like
R----------r (12:31:15 AM): gaming dyslexia
R----------r (12:31:29 AM): its the most simple concept
R----------r (12:31:39 AM): but structured so that it creates the most complex fighting system
R----------r (12:31:48 AM): and its completely beyond me how you could play more than one match
R----------r (12:31:53 AM): and not come to that conclusion
R----------r (12:31:56 AM): that damage is bad
R----------r (12:32:02 AM): damage makes da numbers go up
VHA32 (12:32:14 AM): no, we'd fight a while, our percentages would go up, seemingly randomly, and it would drop to zero if we fell off or shot off the side. seemed to me that you lost your percentage when something bad happened to you so percentage must be a good thing
R----------r (12:32:54 AM): oh my god
R----------r (12:33:23 AM): that is the most innane train of thought
R----------r (12:33:27 AM): holy shit
R----------r (12:33:29 AM): you are making ME dumber
R----------r (12:33:40 AM): you understand the concept of lives
R----------r (12:33:45 AM): that when you lose one
R----------r (12:33:49 AM): your health drops back to max
VHA32 (12:33:55 AM): why? i couldn't tell it was going up when i would get hit. i could barely tell who was hitting who
R----------r (12:34:10 AM): when you get hit
R----------r (12:34:13 AM): it shakes
R----------r (12:34:16 AM): it sparks
VHA32 (12:34:18 AM): in my day, health meters went DOWN
R----------r (12:34:18 AM): it goes up
R----------r (12:34:22 AM): it darkens
R----------r (12:34:37 AM): thats what makes this so much more innovative than ever other button mashing fighting game
R----------r (12:34:40 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:34:47 AM): the fact that you started at zero should have clued you in
R----------r (12:34:53 AM): and its not a health meter
R----------r (12:34:56 AM): its a damage percentage
R----------r (12:34:58 AM): that way
R----------r (12:35:09 AM): you dont always lose when it reaches a certain point
R----------r (12:35:12 AM): if you are good
VHA32 (12:35:20 AM): it doesn't say it's health. i thought the winner was the guy with the highest percentage
R----------r (12:35:40 AM): you know how to survive even in the highest percentages
R----------r (12:35:52 AM): what else could it possibly be
R----------r (12:35:56 AM): it starts at zero
R----------r (12:35:58 AM): it goes up when you are hit
R----------r (12:36:07 AM): thats all you need before coming to a simple conclusion
R----------r (12:36:12 AM): AND YOU HAD ALREADY PLAYED THE FIRST GAME!
VHA32 (12:36:43 AM): i played it once. when it first came out. i remember nothing about it except that i played it once. and it had nintendo characters in it
R----------r (12:37:04 AM): i played gears of war once
R----------r (12:37:16 AM): i played a lot of games once
VHA32 (12:37:34 AM): and i didn't stand there and say "hit me. let's see what happens with this percentage." we jumped and hit each other alot and it would go up durring the match
R----------r (12:37:48 AM): how do you drive to work
VHA32 (12:37:52 AM): it's very chaotic. i couldn't tell it was happening when i got hit
VHA32 (12:39:20 AM): man am i glad i didn't pay money for that thing
R----------r (12:40:16 AM): man am i glad complete gaming incompetence and lack of common sense doesn't transmit virally
R----------r (12:41:36 AM): i cant even find the "how to play" video on youtube
R----------r (12:41:39 AM): its such common knowledge
VHA32 (12:41:53 AM): with that i'm done. i know there's some smash brothers fans on my message board. i'm gonna post this up for their enjoyment. i'll take you screen name out.
R----------r (12:42:12 AM): you are a whore
VHA32 (12:42:17 AM): yes. yes i am.
my coworker is obviously shocked and appalled by this. and we just had this little exchange about my experience with the game. i'm sure if any of you are 1/4 the fan of smash brothers he is, you'll probably agree firmly with him and think i'm an idiot. so i present the exchange here for your enjoyment:
VHA32 (11:31:50 PM): just ensured my GTA 4 for day of release, AND it only cost me 26 bucks
R----------r (11:32:07 PM): now if only you could solve your problem
VHA32 (11:32:25 PM): what problem? that smash brothers is a shitty game?
VHA32 (11:32:40 PM): that's not my problem. it's the game's
R----------r (11:32:43 PM): your problem of being completely ignorant about everything there is to know about gaming
R----------r (11:33:04 PM): there is no hope for you
VHA32 (11:33:13 PM): i know how to put it in the game system, play, and see if it's fun or not.
R----------r (11:33:25 PM): you may know two of those things
VHA32 (11:34:17 PM): i now how to jump around and kick aimlessly, basically just trying to avoid falling off the edge, just to see a winner arbitrarily picked after 2 minutes.
R----------r (11:34:32 PM): the winner was the one of you two who sucked less
R----------r (11:34:40 PM): but you both probably sucked so much, it didnt know who to pick
VHA32 (11:34:40 PM): 3
VHA32 (11:34:43 PM): there were 3 of us
R----------r (11:35:01 PM): well then its a trifecta of suck
R----------r (11:35:06 PM): 761 trisuckta
VHA32 (11:35:29 PM): this guy randomly fell off the edge less. WINNER!
R----------r (11:36:24 PM): i guess you cant handle the fact that there are some games that reward people for sucking less than you do
R----------r (11:37:22 PM): pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF229-Miggs.jpg
VHA32 (11:38:10 PM): we all sucked at SSX tricky when we first played it, but it was still fun
VHA32 (11:38:53 PM): i just sent that to miggels
R----------r (11:39:13 PM): ssx tricky is a satisfactory game in every sense of production and implementation
VHA32 (11:39:26 PM): it was more fun
R----------r (11:39:37 PM): melee is layered so deep, you could play it for years and still not figure out everything about it
VHA32 (11:39:57 PM): i also finally hooked my 360 to the interwebs and can play my old xbox games again
R----------r (11:39:59 PM): and it probably sold about
R----------r (11:40:08 PM): 60 times more than SSX tricky
R----------r (11:40:09 PM): so
R----------r (11:40:11 PM): big business
R----------r (11:40:18 PM): you can argue with the customers
VHA32 (11:40:36 PM): sales doesn't equal quility
R----------r (11:40:36 PM): and put that up against the highest selling gamecube game in existence
R----------r (11:40:42 PM): no, but here
R----------r (11:40:46 PM): they reflect it
VHA32 (11:40:48 PM): american is the most watched show on television, remember
VHA32 (11:40:53 PM): american idol
R----------r (11:41:04 PM): and you yourself said the other day that gaming is different
VHA32 (11:41:17 PM): from american idol?
VHA32 (11:41:24 PM): i don't remember making the comparison
R----------r (11:41:29 PM): from other entertainment mediums
VHA32 (11:42:01 PM): did i? in what context? i don't remember this
R----------r (11:42:16 PM): in the context of your face
VHA32 (11:42:16 PM): i must not have been paying attention to myself
R----------r (11:42:25 PM): just remember
R----------r (11:42:27 PM): melee
R----------r (11:42:30 PM): best gamecube game made
R----------r (11:42:41 PM): best balance of skill for competition
VHA32 (11:42:46 PM): sure. if you're not into fun
R----------r (11:42:46 PM): out of any fighting game
R----------r (11:42:54 PM): and probably every competetive video
game
VHA32 (11:43:07 PM): madden's got a good balance of skill
R----------r (11:43:23 PM): i will assert that madden has more random factors in it than melee does
R----------r (11:43:30 PM): example
R----------r (11:43:40 PM): your receiver will not always catch the ball
R----------r (11:43:44 PM): no matter how perfectly under it he is
VHA32 (11:44:15 PM): no. if you know how to do it, and you're not blocked, you will catch it. always
R----------r (11:44:16 PM): sometimes it bounces off based off a random chance
R----------r (11:44:23 PM): no, you will not always catch it
VHA32 (11:44:27 PM): my roommate in college proved that to me
R----------r (11:44:39 PM): your roommate in college just touched you at night
R----------r (11:44:50 PM): and said you were playing madden
VHA32 (11:44:54 PM): i know. he only thought i was sleeping
VHA32 (11:45:41 PM): no seriously. there's things in madden i don't even know how to do. like if you're running to catch a ball you can arch back and get a better hand on it and stuff. there's more to it than what most people do
VHA32 (11:46:04 PM): and a blocker doesn't have to literally swat a ball away to have done his job
VHA32 (11:46:57 PM): madden definitely has balance of skill
VHA32 (11:47:25 PM): oh, and it's fun
R----------r (11:47:27 PM): not to mention the fact that you control 1
R----------r (11:47:45 PM): out of an entire team of AI
R----------r (11:48:01 PM): you cant account for every single linemen
R----------r (11:48:33 PM): and if you didnt have fun beating up people with a completely original and innovative system of balanced fighting using characters you grew up with
R----------r (11:48:37 PM): i cant help you with anything
VHA32 (11:48:38 PM): but you don't randomly jump around and kick and hope not to fall off the field
R----------r (11:48:54 PM): and the controls for SSBM are more responsive than any madden game
VHA32 (11:48:55 PM): and the winner is the person with more points, not whoever the computer randomly picks
R----------r (11:49:14 PM): the winner in a stupid time match that you asses played is the one with more points
R----------r (11:49:17 PM): though in your case
R----------r (11:49:32 PM): it was probably the one with the least amoutn of negative points
VHA32 (11:50:05 PM): there were no points. there was just a percentage that dropped to zero whenever you fell off.
R----------r (11:50:10 PM): you're an idiot
R----------r (11:50:13 PM): you get a point for a KO
R----------r (11:50:16 PM): you lose it for a self death
R----------r (11:50:20 PM): you hit someone and they fall off
R----------r (11:50:22 PM): you get a point
R----------r (11:50:28 PM): you knock someone through a boundary, you get a point
VHA32 (11:50:30 PM): what KOs? there were no power meters
R----------r (11:50:34 PM): oh my god
R----------r (11:50:37 PM): oh my god
R----------r (11:51:05 PM): there really is no hope for you
R----------r (11:51:17 PM): if you couldnt even grasp the concept after the first 30 seconds
VHA32 (11:51:17 PM): so it really is just about avoiding falling off, huh?
R----------r (11:51:30 PM): maybe if you cant chew gum and walk at the same time
R----------r (11:51:37 PM): its about knocking the other guy through the level boundaries
R----------r (11:51:42 PM): you damage him
R----------r (11:51:45 PM): his percentage goes up
R----------r (11:51:49 PM): the higher the percentage goes up
R----------r (11:51:55 PM): the further each attack sends him
VHA32 (11:52:06 PM): what level boundaries? i'm on a floating island. every once in a while someone falls off
R----------r (11:52:10 PM): there are hundreds of ataacks with hundreds of different parameters
R----------r (11:52:20 PM): some are star KO moves
R----------r (11:52:25 PM): they send the people through the top of the screen
R----------r (11:52:34 PM): some are sideways KO moves
R----------r (11:52:39 PM): they send the person through the left and right boundaries
R----------r (11:52:41 PM): some are spikes
R----------r (11:52:44 PM): they send someone straight down
R----------r (11:52:50 PM): so when someone's jumping back the platform
R----------r (11:52:53 PM): you jump over them
R----------r (11:52:56 PM): spike them
R----------r (11:52:57 PM): and jump back
VHA32 (11:53:29 PM): and why is there no points meter on the screen. people like to know how they're doing
R----------r (11:53:45 PM): because you're supposed to play stock
R----------r (11:53:50 PM): and because it keeps you from stalling
VHA32 (11:54:04 PM): that's dumb
R----------r (11:54:24 PM): you didnt understand the simple concept of a smash brothers match
R----------r (11:54:29 PM): i dont think youre in any position to call somethign dumb
VHA32 (11:54:51 PM): so if you play stock, you just fight till someone randomly falls off 3 times
R----------r (11:54:57 PM): no
R----------r (11:55:09 PM): you fight until you KO someone however many times you set it up for
R----------r (11:55:22 PM): how and when you get KO'd is entirely up to you
R----------r (11:55:40 PM): the more horrible you are, the more it may seem like its random
R----------r (11:55:46 PM): i myself
R----------r (11:55:55 PM): will never get KO'd through the bottom boundary
R----------r (11:56:03 PM): because there's not a point on the level i can't recover from
VHA32 (11:56:06 PM): i call that falling off
R----------r (11:56:24 PM): i call it SUCKING!
R----------r (11:56:34 PM): i fell off the stage the first day i played it
R----------r (11:56:39 PM): because the speed was higher than the first smash brothers
R----------r (11:56:43 PM): the gravity was increased
R----------r (11:56:55 PM): and I didnt know they changed Fox's aerial forward A from the spiral kick to a cyclone kick
R----------r (11:57:16 PM): but because I'm a not a terrible gamer and have the ability to adapt, i learned not to do that kick while edge guarding again
R----------r (11:57:28 PM): and i didnt fall off in mid-cyclone kick after that
R----------r (11:58:51 PM): i bet you didnt even know about recovery moves
VHA32 (11:59:02 PM): well, i played as starfox, and i jumped around a kicked alot. at one point i think i was shooting something. but that might have been when i was princess toadstool, or whatever name they're giving her. then i away from the guy who was jumping and kicking at me. then one of us fell off
R----------r (11:59:09 PM): first of all
R----------r (11:59:11 PM): his name is Fox
R----------r (11:59:12 PM): second of all
R----------r (11:59:20 PM): that's the worst character you could have picked to start off with
VHA32 (11:59:36 PM): we played 3 games. i was 3 different people
R----------r (11:59:43 PM): he's much too fast for your pitiful abilities
VHA32 (12:00:01 AM): i was starfox, princess toadstool, or whatevr name they're giving her, and sammus.
R----------r (12:00:10 AM): you mean
R----------r (12:00:12 AM): Fox McCloud
R----------r (12:00:14 AM): Princess Peach
R----------r (12:00:17 AM): and Samus Aran
VHA32 (12:00:26 AM): that's what i said
VHA32 (12:00:48 AM): or maybe i was jiggypuff. is there a jigglypuff?
VHA32 (12:00:51 AM): no
R----------r (12:00:53 AM): yes, there's a jiggly puff
VHA32 (12:00:54 AM): i didn't use him
R----------r (12:01:03 AM): though you probably didnt have her unlocked
VHA32 (12:01:11 AM): starfox, princess toadstool and samus
VHA32 (12:02:02 AM): and then we put tricky back on
VHA32 (12:02:21 AM): we knew it stunk after 6 minutes
R----------r (12:02:51 AM): considering all the tricky you play, your view on stink is clearly obscured
VHA32 (12:03:22 AM): played tony hawk tonight. that's a great game
R----------r (12:03:28 AM): which one
R----------r (12:03:29 AM): oh
R----------r (12:03:30 AM): it doesnt matter
R----------r (12:03:32 AM): THEY'RE ALL THE SAME
VHA32 (12:03:49 AM): though i have to re-unlock all the boards since all my saves were on my xbox
VHA32 (12:04:24 AM): i'm glad they're the same. i'm afraid to try the new madden cuz i heard they switched it up
VHA32 (12:04:39 AM): if it's anything like this year's NCAA game, i don't want to go near it
R----------r (12:04:46 AM): you may find out you suck at it and stop playing it after six minutes
R----------r (12:04:58 AM): because it REQUIRES SKILL!
VHA32 (12:05:34 AM): people spend a decade training in madden and to just change it? that's no good
R----------r (12:05:57 AM): god forbid EA stop recycling the same formula
VHA32 (12:05:59 AM): but i haven't actually played this year's madden. just the NCAA. they may have just ruined the one game
VHA32 (12:06:30 AM): is brawl completely different from melee which is completely different from the original?
VHA32 (12:06:41 AM): or are they the same game with bits added?
R----------r (12:06:48 AM): they should be chastized for stopping their stranglehold on the progress of videogames that they've applied since their conception
R----------r (12:07:04 AM): the amount of difference between brawl and melee
R----------r (12:07:10 AM): may cover madden
R----------r (12:07:12 AM): from 98
R----------r (12:07:15 AM): to 2024
R----------r (12:07:29 AM): they completely changed the single player mode
R----------r (12:07:36 AM): the single player mode alone could have been its own game
R----------r (12:08:03 AM): but they also broadended the multiplay moreso than melee did with the original
R----------r (12:08:11 AM): and allowing for online and stage building modes
VHA32 (12:08:14 AM): madden's changed their single player. starting with just exebition games, then adding seasons, then adding franchise and dyansty modes
R----------r (12:08:49 AM): that's not even a close comparision
R----------r (12:08:51 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:08:58 AM): it took then about 10 years and 20 games to do it
VHA32 (12:09:05 AM): oh, and madden's fun to play
VHA32 (12:09:09 AM): can't forget that
R----------r (12:09:34 AM): and the difference between a season game and dynasty game is the same game in a different manner
R----------r (12:09:55 AM): thats not the type of change i was talking about with brawl's single player
VHA32 (12:10:05 AM): the advances in franchise and dynasy modes isn't in the football
VHA32 (12:10:10 AM): it's in the team management
R----------r (12:10:16 AM): is that the fun part?
VHA32 (12:10:36 AM): hell yeah. building a good team. keeping asses in the seats
R----------r (12:10:46 AM): you're hopeless
R----------r (12:10:48 AM): stop talking to me
R----------r (12:10:56 AM): you've already sucked half an hour from my work
VHA32 (12:11:25 AM): just because your football team would go bankrupt in 2 seasons, you don't gotta take it out on me.
R----------r (12:12:03 AM): i figured out how a smash brothers match works
R----------r (12:12:09 AM): i think i can figure out how to manage my team
R----------r (12:12:18 AM): apparently, the former is a mind-boggling concept
VHA32 (12:20:04 AM): you probably read the manual
R----------r (12:20:26 AM): i didnt have a manual for the first game
R----------r (12:20:33 AM): we stole the game from my neighbor
R----------r (12:20:44 AM): i used my eyes
R----------r (12:20:49 AM): then played on the practice mode
R----------r (12:20:51 AM): then i realized
R----------r (12:20:53 AM): oh
R----------r (12:20:59 AM): they made all the move input the same
R----------r (12:21:23 AM): so that it could be a simple, responsive, applied control system
VHA32 (12:21:45 AM): so what you're saying is you played it more than 3 times
R----------r (12:21:51 AM): in my life?
R----------r (12:21:52 AM): yes
R----------r (12:21:56 AM): but it took me
R----------r (12:21:59 AM): 0 times to figure it out
R----------r (12:22:24 AM): and i thought you said you played the first game
VHA32 (12:22:33 AM): once. i played it once.
R----------r (12:23:01 AM): you know how many times you needed to play it to know what at the very least, the objective of SSBM was
R----------r (12:23:05 AM): nonce
R----------r (12:23:14 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:23:30 AM): it fucking tells you right in the cinema
VHA32 (12:23:43 AM): cinema? see you'
VHA32 (12:23:53 AM): you're going on all these assumptions
VHA32 (12:24:13 AM): we popped the game in, told it to play a match, and played
R----------r (12:24:36 AM): i'm assuming you turned the game on
R----------r (12:24:39 AM): thats all you had to do
VHA32 (12:25:11 AM): no. there's nothing on screen to indicate anything at all
VHA32 (12:27:47 AM): you have a percentage. you jump and kick. everyone in a while a kick will send you shooting off the side of the screen, but you don't remember doing anyhting special or different than when you kicked and they got knocked back and inch. there's no indication that them flying off screen got you any points or that there's points in it at all. then 2 minutes are up and they announce a winner. with you having no idea who they might say.
R----------r (12:28:11 AM): everything you said is wrong and you're an idiot
R----------r (12:28:20 AM): except for
R----------r (12:28:22 AM): you have a percentage
R----------r (12:28:39 AM): a kick doesnt send you off the stage "everyone in a while"
R----------r (12:28:46 AM): its based off you percentage
R----------r (12:28:54 AM): any bit of deductive reasoning will tell you that
R----------r (12:29:06 AM): the higher your percentage is, the further you are sent
VHA32 (12:29:16 AM): so percentage is a bad thing?
R----------r (12:29:18 AM): if you dont remember doing anything special, you need to get a catscan
R----------r (12:29:21 AM): well lets think
R----------r (12:29:26 AM): you start off at zero
R----------r (12:29:30 AM): getting hit makes it go up
R----------r (12:29:32 AM): obviously
R----------r (12:29:36 AM): its your damage percentage
VHA32 (12:29:40 AM): i swear to god i was fighting to get my percentage higher
R----------r (12:29:48 AM): my god you are a dope
R----------r (12:30:12 AM): i cant help you if you cant even perceptively take in your surroundings and the most simple hud you could possibly have
VHA32 (12:30:14 AM): i thought it was going up when i hit them
R----------r (12:30:18 AM): thats the ONLY thing you have to pay attention to
R----------r (12:30:20 AM): jesus christ
R----------r (12:30:50 AM): so its not even an issue of putting two and two together
R----------r (12:31:07 AM): you still have to learn to read the board
R----------r (12:31:12 AM): that's like
R----------r (12:31:15 AM): gaming dyslexia
R----------r (12:31:29 AM): its the most simple concept
R----------r (12:31:39 AM): but structured so that it creates the most complex fighting system
R----------r (12:31:48 AM): and its completely beyond me how you could play more than one match
R----------r (12:31:53 AM): and not come to that conclusion
R----------r (12:31:56 AM): that damage is bad
R----------r (12:32:02 AM): damage makes da numbers go up
VHA32 (12:32:14 AM): no, we'd fight a while, our percentages would go up, seemingly randomly, and it would drop to zero if we fell off or shot off the side. seemed to me that you lost your percentage when something bad happened to you so percentage must be a good thing
R----------r (12:32:54 AM): oh my god
R----------r (12:33:23 AM): that is the most innane train of thought
R----------r (12:33:27 AM): holy shit
R----------r (12:33:29 AM): you are making ME dumber
R----------r (12:33:40 AM): you understand the concept of lives
R----------r (12:33:45 AM): that when you lose one
R----------r (12:33:49 AM): your health drops back to max
VHA32 (12:33:55 AM): why? i couldn't tell it was going up when i would get hit. i could barely tell who was hitting who
R----------r (12:34:10 AM): when you get hit
R----------r (12:34:13 AM): it shakes
R----------r (12:34:16 AM): it sparks
VHA32 (12:34:18 AM): in my day, health meters went DOWN
R----------r (12:34:18 AM): it goes up
R----------r (12:34:22 AM): it darkens
R----------r (12:34:37 AM): thats what makes this so much more innovative than ever other button mashing fighting game
R----------r (12:34:40 AM): first of all
R----------r (12:34:47 AM): the fact that you started at zero should have clued you in
R----------r (12:34:53 AM): and its not a health meter
R----------r (12:34:56 AM): its a damage percentage
R----------r (12:34:58 AM): that way
R----------r (12:35:09 AM): you dont always lose when it reaches a certain point
R----------r (12:35:12 AM): if you are good
VHA32 (12:35:20 AM): it doesn't say it's health. i thought the winner was the guy with the highest percentage
R----------r (12:35:40 AM): you know how to survive even in the highest percentages
R----------r (12:35:52 AM): what else could it possibly be
R----------r (12:35:56 AM): it starts at zero
R----------r (12:35:58 AM): it goes up when you are hit
R----------r (12:36:07 AM): thats all you need before coming to a simple conclusion
R----------r (12:36:12 AM): AND YOU HAD ALREADY PLAYED THE FIRST GAME!
VHA32 (12:36:43 AM): i played it once. when it first came out. i remember nothing about it except that i played it once. and it had nintendo characters in it
R----------r (12:37:04 AM): i played gears of war once
R----------r (12:37:16 AM): i played a lot of games once
VHA32 (12:37:34 AM): and i didn't stand there and say "hit me. let's see what happens with this percentage." we jumped and hit each other alot and it would go up durring the match
R----------r (12:37:48 AM): how do you drive to work
VHA32 (12:37:52 AM): it's very chaotic. i couldn't tell it was happening when i got hit
VHA32 (12:39:20 AM): man am i glad i didn't pay money for that thing
R----------r (12:40:16 AM): man am i glad complete gaming incompetence and lack of common sense doesn't transmit virally
R----------r (12:41:36 AM): i cant even find the "how to play" video on youtube
R----------r (12:41:39 AM): its such common knowledge
VHA32 (12:41:53 AM): with that i'm done. i know there's some smash brothers fans on my message board. i'm gonna post this up for their enjoyment. i'll take you screen name out.
R----------r (12:42:12 AM): you are a whore
VHA32 (12:42:17 AM): yes. yes i am.
