OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (06/11) Lineup!
Jun 11, 2008 15:15:36 GMT -5
Post by jetskid48 on Jun 11, 2008 15:15:36 GMT -5
[The lights go dark in the arena as "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" blasts from the speakers, blue diamond lights shine around ringside, and we get our first appearence of new OOWF member, Zales Kay DeBeers.]
Z.K.: In case you don't know who I am, my name is Zales Kay DeBeers. Let me clear up some misconceptions about me for those who have heard of me from the news. First of all, yes, I am THAT DeBeers. I hail from DeBeersville, Capetown, South Africa. [Boos] Hey! I said South Africa...not Boston, Massachusetts! HAHAHAHAH...[silence from the crowd]. Oh fuck you all....
Z.K.: Now, I've heard it all before, and let me tell you the truth...I run a legit operation there. [Holds up the New York Times] These reports of abuse in my mines are fraudulent of course. I know you've all seen the pictures of workers with their arms cut off and other limbs missing, but I promise you, any injuries or deaths that have taken place in my lands is NOT MY FAULT. My billions do not have any blood on them.
[As he says this, the camera zooms in on the newspaper front cover which features a picture of the soldiers laughing at an armless diamond worker...it is quite obvious who is paying them from the "DeBeers Protection Agency" patch on their uniforms]
Z.K.: Now that I've cleared that up, you might be asking yourself, what is such a rich and successful man doing here in OOWF? You see, if there's one thing I love to do, it is to make people cower in my footsteps, to grow in power, to take over everything I can. To own whoever, and whatever I want. Well, I've already shown that I have the mental power to take over corporations and industries, but I'm here to shed any last doubts...I am not only the most dominant business man in the world...I am going to be the most dominating HUMAN BEING in the world. I have joined the biggest wrestling company today, the OOWF, because I know that once I am on top of the world here, I will not only shown my mental greatness, but also my physical greatness.
[Massive Boos from the crowd]
Z.K.: Oh, all you stupid Japanese here in Kuala Lumpur need the shut the hell up and give your overseer....[ring announcer whispers something about that not being a very p.c. term]...ahem...I mean master...[still waiving his head no]...uhh....hero? [disgusted, he turns around and sits] Yes, Hero!...some damn respect.
Z.K.: As you will learn, I'm still bringing my business saavy to OOWF. Already, I have brokered so many deals. You will see that money always talks. Without further ado, let me introduce some of my associates. First, I have bought the best Samoans money can buy...better yet, they're black! Wu Wu Ehunga and The Nerve Agent!
[Andre the Giant theme song from WWE Challenge on the NES system plays, as two Samoans come down the aisle. Noticeable from the start is that they are not very typical Samoans as they're lightweights. Also, it seems that they're faces are actually painted black, and that they are not black. DeBeers thinks this is hilarious. Fans do not.]
Z.K.: Hello my men.
The Nerve Agent: What kind of Samoan name is The Nerve Agent?
Z.K.: [whispers] It's a play on initials. [can't hold back his laughter] You guys are W.W.E. and T.N.A. HAHGAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA. How funny is that?
[confused looks]
Wu Wu: I think I'm alergic to this paint.
[Fans are more confused]
Z.K.: Um, moving on...as you all may have read in the OOWF dirtsheets, I have traded the rights to Moose's soul and the orb that it is kept in. What I have gotten back is a devistating force that is my bodyguard and enforcer. And he is one mean chauffer. He is Effrom Chartreuse Washington!
T.N.A.: Oh I get it...E.C.W....that's...hilarious...
[Washington comes down to the ring and shakes his, um, bosses hand.]
Z.K.: And finally, last, but definitely not least, here is my beautiful indent....um...my "massuse" and valet, Regina Ophelia Hollandaise!
[Regina comes out to DeBeers' song.]
Z.K.: Isn't she the most beautiful white African ever?
Wu Wu: [whispers to T.N.A.] I wonder if her white facepaint is less irritating than ours...
Z.K.: Say hello to the Plantation...or whatever funny acronym I think of for next week!
[more boos]
Z.K.: Now that we are here, let me leave you with this one last message. I can care less if you are with us or against us. But as my workers know, and all the people in the back will soon find out, sooner or later, no price is too much, no task is ever too diffucult. If its something I want, someone I want...or a title...that I do so desire...
DeBeers will own you, too.
[Music hits, screen fades]
Z.K.: In case you don't know who I am, my name is Zales Kay DeBeers. Let me clear up some misconceptions about me for those who have heard of me from the news. First of all, yes, I am THAT DeBeers. I hail from DeBeersville, Capetown, South Africa. [Boos] Hey! I said South Africa...not Boston, Massachusetts! HAHAHAHAH...[silence from the crowd]. Oh fuck you all....
Z.K.: Now, I've heard it all before, and let me tell you the truth...I run a legit operation there. [Holds up the New York Times] These reports of abuse in my mines are fraudulent of course. I know you've all seen the pictures of workers with their arms cut off and other limbs missing, but I promise you, any injuries or deaths that have taken place in my lands is NOT MY FAULT. My billions do not have any blood on them.
[As he says this, the camera zooms in on the newspaper front cover which features a picture of the soldiers laughing at an armless diamond worker...it is quite obvious who is paying them from the "DeBeers Protection Agency" patch on their uniforms]
Z.K.: Now that I've cleared that up, you might be asking yourself, what is such a rich and successful man doing here in OOWF? You see, if there's one thing I love to do, it is to make people cower in my footsteps, to grow in power, to take over everything I can. To own whoever, and whatever I want. Well, I've already shown that I have the mental power to take over corporations and industries, but I'm here to shed any last doubts...I am not only the most dominant business man in the world...I am going to be the most dominating HUMAN BEING in the world. I have joined the biggest wrestling company today, the OOWF, because I know that once I am on top of the world here, I will not only shown my mental greatness, but also my physical greatness.
[Massive Boos from the crowd]
Z.K.: Oh, all you stupid Japanese here in Kuala Lumpur need the shut the hell up and give your overseer....[ring announcer whispers something about that not being a very p.c. term]...ahem...I mean master...[still waiving his head no]...uhh....hero? [disgusted, he turns around and sits] Yes, Hero!...some damn respect.
Z.K.: As you will learn, I'm still bringing my business saavy to OOWF. Already, I have brokered so many deals. You will see that money always talks. Without further ado, let me introduce some of my associates. First, I have bought the best Samoans money can buy...better yet, they're black! Wu Wu Ehunga and The Nerve Agent!
[Andre the Giant theme song from WWE Challenge on the NES system plays, as two Samoans come down the aisle. Noticeable from the start is that they are not very typical Samoans as they're lightweights. Also, it seems that they're faces are actually painted black, and that they are not black. DeBeers thinks this is hilarious. Fans do not.]
Z.K.: Hello my men.
The Nerve Agent: What kind of Samoan name is The Nerve Agent?
Z.K.: [whispers] It's a play on initials. [can't hold back his laughter] You guys are W.W.E. and T.N.A. HAHGAHAAHAHAAHAHAHA. How funny is that?
[confused looks]
Wu Wu: I think I'm alergic to this paint.
[Fans are more confused]
Z.K.: Um, moving on...as you all may have read in the OOWF dirtsheets, I have traded the rights to Moose's soul and the orb that it is kept in. What I have gotten back is a devistating force that is my bodyguard and enforcer. And he is one mean chauffer. He is Effrom Chartreuse Washington!
T.N.A.: Oh I get it...E.C.W....that's...hilarious...
[Washington comes down to the ring and shakes his, um, bosses hand.]
Z.K.: And finally, last, but definitely not least, here is my beautiful indent....um...my "massuse" and valet, Regina Ophelia Hollandaise!
[Regina comes out to DeBeers' song.]
Z.K.: Isn't she the most beautiful white African ever?
Wu Wu: [whispers to T.N.A.] I wonder if her white facepaint is less irritating than ours...
Z.K.: Say hello to the Plantation...or whatever funny acronym I think of for next week!
[more boos]
Z.K.: Now that we are here, let me leave you with this one last message. I can care less if you are with us or against us. But as my workers know, and all the people in the back will soon find out, sooner or later, no price is too much, no task is ever too diffucult. If its something I want, someone I want...or a title...that I do so desire...
DeBeers will own you, too.
[Music hits, screen fades]