[Mr. Dashbee]

I agree about the card. If I just saw the card and nothing else, I'd be skeptical. But you've told a good story Serge, and I look forward to seeing it play out.

[Batman]

And here's a version of the press packet with some minor changes and the dates of the show added:

PRESENTS!...

At the Really-Freakin'-Big...

H.H.H. Metrodome!


Super-Show!
On two big nights, Sunday August 31st and Labor Day Monday September 1st!

Will Gorgeous George Survive... HELL IN A CELL?!
vs. w/
Mankind vs. "Gorgeous" George w/ Chris Nowinski
Hell in a Cell
With Very Special Guest Referee!...
The Greatest of ALL TIME! MUHAMMAD! ALI!


Can the Big Show Prove That He's the Best Ever?
vs. w/
The Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley w/ Mae Young

Will a Mask Help Eddie Avenge a Tag-Team Partner's Betrayal?
vs. w/
Black Tiger vs. the Great Sasuke w/ Eric Bischoff

Will Eric Bischoff Remain Commissioner?
vs. w/
Antonio Inoki vs. Mister Black Jack w/ Eric Bischoff
Match to determine who will be Commissioner (by proxy)

Speed?... or POWER?!
vs.
La Pareja del Terror, the Terror Two (Love Machine & Eddy) vs. EXCESSIVE FORCE! (Afa & Sika)

Good?... or EVIL?
& vs. & w/
Champions of Justice & Atomic Two vs. Shadow Bros. & Savage Bros. w/ John Rand
4-Team Team-Tag Elimination Match

Minneapolis or Manchester?
World Capital of Wrestling Cup Three-Match Series
w/ vs. w/
John Nord w/ Eddie Sharkey representing Minneapolis vs. Billy Robinson w/ Billy Riley representing Manchester
First Round Match is a Trainers' match with no disqualification for the corner-men
(Sharkey & Riley) getting involved as long as they don't enter the ring.

vs.
Team Minneapolis (Sharkey(C) & Nord) vs. Team Manchester (Riley (C) & Robinson)
Second Round is a Captains' Match--like a Hurricane Match,
except only the captains (Sharkey & Riley) are legal to pin or be pinned.


Third Round World Capital of Wrestling Cup match to be kept under wraps
on account of the possibility of a shut-out

The Strongest Neck Ever?... Or the Strongest Grip Ever?

vs.
Farmer Burns vs. Danny Hodge
Strangle Hold Match

Who Gets Paid?
vs. vs.
w/
Crusher & Bruiser vs. The Rock & Roll Express vs. The Gold Dust Trio
Triple-Threat Paycheck Match

AND AT LEAST ONE MORE MATCH TO BE ADDED ON THE FLY!

[Batman]

Recap of all of the segments building up the Big Bang with hyperlinks to the original posts.

1- President Alderman takes Eddie Guerrero as his first-round draft pick.

2- President Alderman takes Mick Foley as his second-round draft pick, and names him interim Commissioner. Foley announces Big Show as the third-round pick. Big Show wants to prove that he's not just the greatest "big man" in wrestling.

3- Commissioner Foley introduces Gorgeous George and Low-Ki as the fourth- and fifth-round draft picks.

4- Commissioner Foley introduces Chris Adams and Antonio Inoki as the next two drafts. Adams interrupts Inoki's introductory speech and the two brawl.

5- Commissioner Foley announces that Inoki has taken over from him as the new interim Commissioner. Commissioner Inoki announces that Chris Adams has been traded away.

6- Eddie Guerrero and Low-Ki have an exhibition match.

7- Inoki challenges Big Show, but Show rejects the challenge.

8- Eddie Guerrero introduces the next two draft picks--The Great Sasuke and Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff announces that he is the new permanent Commissioner, and suggests that Eddie "play ball" with the new regime. When Eddie rejects this, Sasuke attacks him with a steel chair from behind, and Bischoff announces the latest acquisition Afa & Sika, who he is now calling Excessive Force! and all three give Eddie a beating.

9- Eddie Guerrero does a pre-taped promo where he reminds us that Sasuke used to be his partner, but that he went by a different name then and that the Black Tiger is who Sasuke will have to face.

10- Big Show introduces Bobby Lashley, challenges him to a match, suggests he should get a manager.

11- Eddie introduces Mil Máscaras and Art Barr. Eddy and Love Machine reunite their tag team, the Terror Two.

12- Eddie goes on to introduce Matt Striker. Striker announces that he is here to show that self-appointed "heroes" like Máscaras are self-righteous hypocrites, and that his perspective has changed so much that he is going to go by a new wrestling name, John Rand. Máscaras challenges him to settle it on the spot, but instead Rand surprises Máscaras by attacking him with a caustic liquid to his eyes.

13- Inoki introduces Masahiro Chōno. Chōno enters with Sasuke and Bischoff and they announce that they will be the core of a new nWo. Sasuke and Chōno attack Inoki, and Bischoff calls out Excessive Force! But they are headed off by the Terror Two who come the Inoki's rescue. Inoki challenges Bischoff to a martial arts spar for the Commissionership.

14- Gorgeous George introduces Christopher Nowinski and takes him on as a protege. Nowinski suggests that the two of them should have a respect match at the supershow.

15- The *new* nWo come out and Bischoff announces that the Commissioner can not be booked in a match, but that the nWo will be expected to defend the Commissionership from Inoki's challenge by proxy. They announce that Chōno will be the one to accept Inoki's challenge. Chōno also announces that he will now be known by an Americanized name that he has used before, Mr. Black Jack. Bischoff also announces (from the President) that if Nowinski wants a match with George, he will have to defend his spot from any challenger. He goes on to accept Eddie--or "Black Tiger's" challenge on behalf of Sasuke. And on behalf of Excessive Force! he challenges the Terror Two to a match at the super-show.

16- Foley introduces Mickie Knuckles. She challenges him to a match, which he ducks, saying she's not ready for him.

17- Love Machine talks himself and the Terror Two up. He accepts the challenge from Excessive Force! The Atomic Two announce that they have come to Armageddon Wrestling in a trade, and Gory Guerrero questions Barr's loyalty to his son, Eddy.

18- Rand intoduces Gene Okerlund and announces that the two of them will be the announce team.

19- Foley introduces Mae Young. Mickie Knuckles comes out and challenges her, but Young whispers a better idea in her ear.

20- Nowinski muct face a mystery opponent in a challenge match for his spot facing his mentor at the supershow. The challenger is Mickie Knuckles. Because of his history of concussion he is allowed a helmet, as long as he agrees to no head-butts. But George distracts the ref, and Nowinski does a flying head-butt to the back of her head giving her a career-threatening concussion.

21- Rand intoduces his first ally, the Black Shadow. Máscaras counters by introducing Kendo Nagasaki as an ally.

22- Foley talks about how he feels about George and why he's challenging him as Mankind.

23- The Great Manager Debate of 2008. Bischoff, Rand, and George all try to convince Lashley to take them on as his manager. But then Mae Young reveals that it was all a set-up and that he had already chosen her.

24- Máscaras and Nagasaki have a respect match, but Nagasaki attacks Máscaras's eyes (again) with his ceremonial salt. It turns out that it is not actually Nagasaki, but Nagasaki II who is a Rand ally. Rand appears on the Big Screen and talks about how Nagasaki is a villain in Britain and (revealing that he captured him before the match) asks him why he switched sides. He talks about this, and then the Atomic Two come to his rescue.

25- While everyone is watching this on the big screen, the nWo attack the Terror Two from behind.

26- George is caught on tape talking to Mr. President about how unhappy he is about the special helmet rules of the upcoming challenge match between Nowinski and Foley, and the match between Foley and himself at the super-card likely to result.

27- Black Tiger promises that Sasuke will see him soon.

28- George throws in the towel rather than risk Nowinski likely being injured by a vengeful Mankind.

29- Rand announces that the Black Shadow and Nagasaki II will be forming a new tag team called the Shadow Brothers. He also talks about his philosophy and about the factions in Armageddon Wrestling using a prop called the "Wheel of Morality" as a visual aide.

30- George announces that the main event of the super-show will be a Hell in a Cell between himself and Mankind and introduces the special guest referee, Muhammad Ali.

31- Rand introduces Leatherface and Galindo, the Savage Brothers. He challenges the "heroes" to face the Shadow and Savage Brothers in a special eight-man match and they accept the challenge.

32- Nagasaki introduces Billy Robinson who introduces (and talks up) his trainer Billy Riley. Eddie Sharkey interrupts and says that he is the greatest trainer, not Riley, and that Minneapolis is a greater wrestling town than Manchester. He introduces one of his students, John Nord, and challenges Robinson and Riley to a match. Bischoff interrupts and suggests that it be a three-match "World Capital of Wrestling Cup" series, instead. Everyone agrees to this.

33- Bischoff introduces Farmer Burns and Danny Hodge. Because one is known for incredible neck strength and the other for prodigious grip, Bischoff suggests a Strangle Hold Match that can only be won by sleeper.

34- The Rock and Roll Express and Bruiser & Crusher arrive in the auditorium but there isn't anyone to introduce them. They talk themselves up a little and start to challenge each-other when the crew suddenly attack. They're the Gold Dust Trio in disguise! Billy Sandow talks up his two wrestlers, but then the two other teams recover and challenge them to a "Paycheck Match," and they agree.

35- Some details about match stipulations.

[Batman]

: Mean Gene here, and welcome to the Last Word, the preview show for Armageddon Wrestling's upcoming super-show, the Big Bang! We considered having a panel analyze, preview, and dissect the matches, but we've decided instead to give the last word to the competitors in those matches--thus the name.

All of the competitors were encourages to videotape and submit to us whatever final words they might still have about their upcoming matches, and most of them did so.

Let's start with the first match scheduled for Night One of the Big Bang! tonight. This is the first match of the World Capital of Wrestling Cup three-match series. John Nord, representing Minneapolis, will be taking on Billy Robinson, representing Manchester. Just a reminder: This match is called a "Trainer's Corner" match and Nord's trainer Eddie Sharkey and Robinson's trainer Billy Riley will be allowed to get involved in the match, as long as they remain in their corner and do not enter the ring. Nord has a few last words to say about this upcoming match:


: Hi, I'm John Nord, and I'll soon be facing Billy Robinson. When he introduced himself a few weeks ago, he showed you all around a little rat-hole gym they call the "Snake Pit" in a town on the edge of Manchester called Wigan--basically a pimple on the armpit of Britain. And he tried to tell you all that that's the place where champions come from. But that was a lie: this is where champions come from. Welcome to Robbinsdale High School.

(Camera pans around an average midwestern suburban high school)

It's incredible just how many legends of wrestling have walked the halls of this little suburban high school: Verne Gagne, Rick Rude, Curt Hennig, Nikita Koloff. And journeymen, too--but journeymen with a touch of greatness: like me, and Tom Zenk, and Barry Darsow. It wasn't one particular coach here, or anything. We all played different sports--some played football like me, others wrestled... hell, Zenk was on the soccer team. Maybe it was something in the water. I don't know, but I can tell you this: this high school has at least as much to brag about when it comes to producing champions as that run-down old gym Robinson is so proud of.

Don't get me wrong... the Snake Pit produced great grapplers, and that's just what Robinson is--a great grappler. But my trainer Eddie Sharkey taught me that there's a lot more to pro wrestling than just grappling. He's not just the trainer of champions--he's also one of the canniest, savviest old vets in this business, and he's going to be right in my corner for our match, Robinson. You and Riley?--you limeys are gonna be on our turf, and we're going to kick you right the hell back off of it!


: Nord's opponent Robinson did not submit a tape for this program. Presumably, he intends to let his actions speak for him in the ring at the Big Bang!

Moving along, the next match will be the Paycheck Match, a triple-threat match between the Gold Dust Trio, Crusher & Bruiser, and the Rock & Roll Express. The team that takes the fall will forfeit two-thirds of their pay to the winners, and the other team will forfeit one-third to the winners. But Crusher & Bruiser and the Express will be out for more than just money, they'll be out for blood as well, as the Gold Dust Trio scored first blood on them in a startling, unprovoked, and brutal sneak attack.

Here are a few last words from Crusher & Bruiser on this subject:


: You Gold Dust guys, we're not too happy with you guys right now.

: And it's not 'cause you made us bleed. It's not 'cause you hit us in the head.

: We like gettin' hit in the head, we like bleedin'.

: What we don't like is guys what don't have the common courtesy to let us know they have a beef with us before they hit us in the head.

: Naw, that don't make us happy at all.

: And when we ain't happy...

: ...ain't nobody happy!


: Another of the teams in that match, the Rock and Roll Express, had this to say:


: The Gold Dust Trio... You guys did everything first. You invented everything.

: And you think that means that everybody owes you something. Well, that's bull!

: We don't owe you a damn thing!

: And we certainly don't owe you our paycheck!

: After all, you made plenty of money off of your innovations at the time--that's why they called you the Gold Dust trio--which is a lot more than most wrestling innovators...

: ...like US!...

: ...can say. So, maybe... maybe you owe us something.

: So, at the Big Bang!?...

: ...we're going to collect!


: Finally, some last words from the manager of the Gold Dust Trio, Billy Sandow:


: So, I suppose all of you mooks are whining and complaining about that little sneak-attack. I bet nobody said, hey, that was really smart, I wish I'd thought of that! And why not? Because you guys are dumb, and we're smart, and that's why we're going to win this match, and take away your money. Money that will only be a start on making up for what we ought to be making, seeing as my boys ought to be in the main event.

We're talking about Ed "Strangler" Lewis, the most dominant World Champion of all time, and Toots Mondt, the greatest innovator in wrestling history--hell, he invented wrestling as we know it. We should be at the top of any card, if you stupid fans weren't so cussedly forgetful. But don't worry--we'll remind you....


: Then the third match on the super-card will be the one that we're calling a "Strangle Hold Match." Don't let the name fool you: the competitors are not actually allowed to strangle each other. No, the Strangle Hold is just an old name for what we now call a Sleeper Hold, and this is a match that may only be won by sleeper. And now a few last words from Danny Hodge:


: I know it sounds strange to you, Farmer Burns, and it is certainly unusual, but nonetheless it is a medical fact that a big part of my incredible strength of grip is that I do, as a matter of fact, have double tendons. A medical fact that you'll be able to feel at the Big Bang!


: And a few last words from his opponent, Farmer Burns:


: Danny Hodge, you do not have "double tendons." That isn't possible and it doesn't make any sense. But you could have triple tendons and it wouldn't be enough. I used to drop from a gallows with a noose around my neck as a stunt to amuse carnival-goers. There's no chance of your Strangle Hold putting me under.


: Next is the "Team-Tag Elimination" match. In this match there are two tag-teams on each side: there's the side that my broadcast partner, John Rand, ironically calls the "Heroes"--the Champions of Justice and the Atomic Twosome--and the side he calls the "Anti-Heroes"--the Shadow Brothers and the Savage Brothers.

This match will work like a normal elimination match, except that one team on each side will start the match--so two men are legal on each side, much like a hurricane match--and when someone tags out, his team tags out and the guy he tags in's team is tagged in. And if someone takes a fall, his team is eliminated.

A new stipulation has been added to this match: whoever wins can request any match they like to be added to the card on Night 2 of the Big Bang!

Now here's John Rand with a few words on behalf of the "Anti-Heroes":


: There's an old saying: "good will out in the end." You so-called "Heroes" have long relied on this promise that the ultimate victory belongs to you--and the psychological advantage that confidence gives you over your enemies. But I have the courage of my convictions. I know that I'm the one who's really in the right, and therefore my side will out in the end.

My Anti-Heroes will defeat you at the Big Bang! but that's... only the beginning.


: And now... a few words from Kendo Nagasaki on behalf of his team.


: John Rand, I just want to point something out to you--you can not succeed, no matter what you do. You moight defeat us, demoralize us, destroy us. Don't get me wrong, I doubt that you will, but you moight. But that doesn't matter, because you've set yourself an impossible task. You think that by destroying us you'll prove a point... a point about heroism... but you can't. Because we're no heroes, we're just men. Men with certain ideals, but still men. Even if you were to succeed in destroying us, you would prove nothing.

Besides which, focusing on your (impossible) ultimate goal, and looking past the immediate goal?--beating us? That's a big mistake. And that's a point that we'll prove to you at the Big Bang!


: Next is the penultimate match of Night 1--you might call it a semi-main event. It's the big grudge match between former tag-team partners the Great Sasuke and the Black Tiger--or is that Eddie Guerrero? He certainly sounds different when he puts that mask on.

In any case, here's Eric Bischoff with a few final words on behalf of the Great Sasuke:


: Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, just who... do you think you're fooling? Putting on a fright mask doesn't scare anybody. It certainly doesn't scare the Great Sasuke. No matter how much the fans love you Eddie, you know in your heart... Sasuke is just a little bit better than you--that's why you felt the need to try to get a little psychological advantage with that silly mask. But it won't work! The Great Sasuke is going to prove that he's better than you at the Big Bang!


: And here are some final words from the Black Tiger:


Black screen: Sasuke, I told you... I promised you... that your wait is almost over. And the time is almost upon us... for you to learn... what it's like when a Tiger... pounces.





: Brrrr... That just gives me the creeps. And finally we have come to the main event of Night 1 of the Big Bang! The Big Show versus Bobby Lashley!

And now for a few final words from Mae Young on behalf of Bobby Lashley.


: Big Show, I just have one last thing to say to you: you might be right. Maybe you are the greatest wrestler ever. I hope you're right. 'Cause beating the greatest ever will look mighty good on my client Lashley's resume. See ya at the Big Bang!, big feller! (winks)


: And finally, a few last words from the Big Show:


: You know Bobby, when I made fun of your voice, I was just trying to get your goat--make you mad, take you off your game. Which is not to say that it isn't true--you do sound like a twelve-year-old girl--I'm just talking about why I made a point of mentioning it.

But you really took my words to heart, and haven't said one word since you've arrived here. Normally, I'd say that's good for me--I scored a point! But this Mae Young you've gotten to do your talking for you--she's really something else. I said before that battles of words don't mean a thing, unless you let them. But the things she said really got to me. Maybe I have set myself up to fail by putting so much importance on the outcome of one match. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself and that will be a handicap to me at the Big Bang!

You know what? GOOD! I'm GLAD to have a handicap! ANYTHING to make sure that our match is a little more even, a little more of a challenge. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the victory! The better I can prove to EVERYBODY that I AM what I SAY I AM! THE GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME!


: Wow! Strong words from the Giant! Will he prove that he's the greatest wrestler of all time? Will "the Black Tiger" get his revenge? Tune in tonight to Night 1 of the Big Bang! and find out! And tune in to part two of the Last Word tomorrow for commentaries from the competitors in the Night 2 matches! I look forward to seeing you then!

[Batman]

: WELCOME! Welcome to everyone from all over the world to the very first stupendous Super-Card from Armageddon Wrestling--welcome to Night One of the Big Bang!, coming to you from the mighty Metrodome! of Minneapolis, Minnesota. And the Metrodome sure is rockin' tonight!

camera pans the audience, and the excitement level is clearly high.

This is Mean Gene Okerlund with my broadcast partner John Rand!

: Good evening, everybody! We have not just an incredible show for you tonight (and tomorrow night,) but an unprecedented spectacle, pitting the greatest wrestlers in the world from throughout the history of wrestling, all returned to their prime and pitted against one another--like a Valhalla of wrestling.

: Thank you for tuning in, thank you for inviting us into your homes, and before I forget we also have to thank Johnny Cash and DJ Schmolli for providing the theme for this event "Run On."

: Also known as "God's Gonna Cut You Down" and it's a very appropriate theme for this event, as a lot of wrestlers have been promising almost Biblical vengeance to their enemies, such as Eddie Guerrero--or should I say "Black Tiger"--tonight, and Mankind in tomorrow night's main event.

: That's a good point, but let's not forget tonight's main event, a veritable clash of titans between the Big Show and Bobby Lashley.

: Yes, that will be a clash of titans, but not a contest between plodding giants. I spoke to both...

"Funkytown" begins to play...


...well, we can get back to that when the time comes, it looks it's time to get started now. And time for us to get started on our secondary job as ring announcers.


: True enough.

Mean Gene takes off his headset and pics up a mic.

Welcome everyone!... to Night 1 of the Big Bang! Our opening contest will be match one of the World Capital of Wrestling Cup three-match series. In this match the wrestlers will have their trainer in their corner, and their trainers will be allowed to get involved in the match!... as long as they remain in their corner and do not enter the ring.

Introducing first!... representing Minneapolis!... (Nord and Sharkey are now walking down the ramp.) ...accompanied by his trainer Eddie Sharkey!... (the crowd goes wild!) ...JOHNNN! NOOOOOORD!!! (the crowd goes... mild?)

The crowd is chanting "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" Sharkey is eating it up, and Nord is doing his best to seem happy for him.


"How Soon is Now"


Rand takes off his headset and picks up a mic.

: And his opponent!... (Robinson and Riley walk down.) ...Representing Manchester!... (crowd boos heartily.) ...accompanied by his trainer Billy Riley!... The pride of British wrestling, BILLY ROBINSON!

Rand and Okerlund both put back on their headsets.


: I don't know that I've ever seen the like of this World Capital of Wrestling Cup. I've seen men fight for titles, for pride, for revenge, but I don't think I've ever seen them fight for civic pride.

: Haven't you ever seen a football game, Gene?

: I mean in WRESTLING, Rand.

: Well, there's nothing new under the sun, Gene, and that's never truer than when it's said about wrestling. I'm sure with a little research I could find other examples. But even if it isn't unique, it sure is unusual.


The referee calls for the bell. They start with some counter-wrestling, where Robinson consistently comes out ahead.


: Wouldn't you say that Nord is taking the wrong tack, trying to match Robinson hold for hold?

: Well, clearly it isn't working for him, but that doesn't mean it's a bad idea to try to feel his opponent out a little at the start. It's just a matter of timing--when does he switch over to his power game?--can he catch Robinson by surprise?

Nord gets frustrated with how easily Robinson counters and re-counters and always comes out in control, and so he switches to power, running the ropes and trying to hit him with clotheslines and shoulderblocks, but Robinson is successful at ducking and tripping up Nord and moving things back to grappling.

: Apparently not.


After getting stretched for a while, Nord finally lures Robinson into Nord's home corner, and the two-on-one attack puts Nord firmly in control for the first time in the match. He starts connecting with boots to the head, powerslams and clothesline.

But he goes to the clothesline well once too often, and Robinson anticipates and grabs Nord's oncoming right arm and turns the clothesline into an armbar slam which he transitions into an armbar. Nord powers out of the armbar, transitioning it to a one-armed powerslam. He then takes a step toward the Manchester corner and spits at Riley.

: What in the world was THAT for?

: Provoking Riley into jumping in the ring would be my guess.

Riley does indeed jump into the ring, as Robinson returns to his feet. As the ref is ejecting Riley, Nord drops to his knees and delivers a big low blow to Robinson.

: The trainer of champions in Nord's corner can't possibly approve of these dirty tactics!

Sharkey gives Nord a big "thumbs up"!

: Apparently, he does!


As Robinson drops to his knees in pain, Nord pops up and runs the ropes to deliver a huge boot to the face, and then he goes for the cover.


: It looks like Nord has this one in the bag. One... two... NO! KICKOUT!

Nord loses his composure and is pulling his hair out. Meanwhile, Robinson recovers sufficiently to go back on the attack, bringing Nord facedown to the mat and targeting Nord's right shoulder with stretches, stomps, and knee- and elbow-drops.

Finally Nord manages to crawl to the Minneapolis corner. Robinson is wary of getting within Sharkey's reach again, so he retreats to his corner as well, and both wrestlers take a brief breather.


: Shouldn't Robinson follow up on his advantage?

: Sure, but he remembers what happened the last time he let himself get lured into the wrong corner.


After a few moments breather, the competitors return to the middle of the ring. Nord attempts to return to the power game, but his shoulder is too weakened and gives out as he's trying to lift Robinson to deliver a power-slam. Robinson once again reverses into the armbar-slam and then the armbar. Nord is no longer capable of powering out, and he is right in the middle of the ring and is unable to reach the ropes, or his corner and is finally forced to tap.


: Manchester wins!

: Wow, that was a hell of a match.

: And what a heart-breaker for Nord. He was counting on this win to really prove himself--prove that he's not out of his league.


Nord loses his composure once again--stomping, shouting, pulling at his hair, and generally being a dick. Sharkey tries to calm him, but he shrugs him off and stomps off to the back.

Once the participants from the first match reach the back, "Hot Blooded" begins to play. Okerlund and Rand switch from headset to mic again.



: Our next match will be a triple-threat tag match. One man from each team will be legal at all times. There will be no count-outs and one fall will be the finish. This match will be a special Paycheck Match! This means that the team that wins the fall will receive two-thirds of the pay of the team that loses the fall, and also one-third of the pay of the other team.

And now!... Introducing first!... The incomparable team of Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson !...THE ROCK AND ROLL EXPRESS!!

RRX enter and pose for the crowd.


"Do the Crusher":


And next!... I'm PROUD to introduce... the Man who Made Milwaulkee Famous!... CRUSHER LISOWSKI! And his partner!... the Most Dangerous Wrestler in the World!... DICK THE BRUISER! (The crowd goes crazy for Bruiser...)

Crusher and Bruiser enter and pose.


"Money Honey":


: And FINALLY! Accompanied by their manager, Billy Sandow! ... The man who had a Strangle Hold on the World Title for a decade!... ED!... "STRANGLER"!... LEWIS!... and the man who invented wrestling as we know it! TOOTS!... MONDT!

They are!... the GOLD!... DUST!... TRIO!

The trio enter to a smattering of boos. They don't do any posing, but attempt to go right on the attack. The commentators switch back from mics to headsets.

The Gold Dusts' attempts to control the match aren't going as well as they might have hoped....


: So far Crusher & Bruiser and the Express are working together seamlessly.

: We'll see how long that lasts. I'm surprised it's lasted this long. After all, only one of the teams can win and double their money.


But RRX and C&B continue to work together without any friction, RRX hitting the Gold Dusts with high-flying moves and C&B beating them up with brawling and power. Outnumbered two-to-one, the Gold Dusts can't get a move in edgewise.

: Wait! I see why they're working together so well. They must have made an agreement not to try to pin the Gold Dusts! As long as nobody attempts a pin cover, there's no reason for their alliance to fall apart.


The GDs are tough as hell, but eventually they run out of fight, and they get dumped to the outside. ("Toots" is the legal man at the time.) Then it's down to the RRX and C&B. Ricky Morton starts off with Crusher. C&B make frequent tags, and put a big beat-down on Morton. Even though the fans love C&B, they start to respond to the classic tag-match formula, and cheer for Ricky's hope spots and chant for Gibson.

Morton finally reaches Gibson and he does the "house afire" bit, to a great reaction from the crowd. This leads up to Gibson hitting Crusher, who is the legal man, with his missile drop-kick and Gibson goes for the cover on him. Morton rushes across the ring to block Bruiser from interfering....


: This could be it! One! Two! Hey! It's the Strangler!

Lewis rushes the ring to break up the cover and dumps Gibson to the outside. Mondt does a military-press slam to Crusher. Morton hasn't looked behind him, so he doesn't know any of this has happened, so he is continuing to prevent Bruiser from interfering. Crusher, having taken two finishers in a row, stays down for the one two three from Mondt.

The Gold Dust Trio back out, while Sandow points to his head with the "we're smart" gesture. The RRX seem pretty unhappy, with their heads in their hands. But while they're figuratively beating themsleves up, Crusher & Bruiser are literally beating each other up. It starts with Bruiser shoving Crusher, and the shoving match quicky graduates to a slug-fest. RRX decide to get out of their way. After a few minutes, C&B brawl their way to the back.


: Does this mean the end for the team of Crusher & Bruiser?

To be continued....

[Batman]

****

Well, sorry about the delay. Almost a year, jeez.

Well, I've got some downtime now, so what the hell, I'll finish the thing.

Other than not having as much time as I had in the summer, another reason I bogged down at this point I think is because I had planned to put the Burns v. Hodge match here. I didn't have any good ideas for it then. And I still don't.

The whole unbeatable grip vs. invulnerable neck thing is a clever concept, but how to make it not boring?

So consider this post a placeholder for that match until I come up with an idea, and let's move on to the next match, The Heroes vs. The Anti-Heroes.

I'll get that posted sometime tonight. (Make that tomorrow, I'm bushed.)

[Batman]

: Sorry about the dead air, folks, brief technical difficulties, but we're back! In case you missed it, the match between Hodge and Burns was a technical masterpiece, but inconclusive, as it went to a time-limit draw. Now it's time for the 4-Team Team-Tag elimination Match. Well, it was your brainchild, so why don't you explain it, Rand?

: Well, Gene, I'm very proud of this match concept. It combines the chaos of a hurricane team match with the strategy of a tag team match and of an elimination match. Basically the rules are exactly the same as an elimination tag match except instead of tagging individual wrestlers in and out, and instead of eliminating individual wrestlers, it is one of the two teams of two who is tagged or eliminated. So one team of two on each side is legal at any given time, a tag tags both members of that team out and of the other team on the same side in. An eliminating event, such as a pin, submission or disqualification will cause both members of the effected team to be eliminated, leaving their partner team outnumbered four to two.

The concept is really pretty simple, but tough to put into words. There will be three referees, in case of near-simultaneous pin attempts or submission holds--one for each of the possible falls, and a third to judge which fall came first.

: I wonder if three refs will be enough?

: Well, I imagine that the action will be pretty chaotic, but I should think that three officials should be up to the task of containing it.

: No, what I "wonder" is if three refs will be enough to prevent you from interfering on behalf of your charges, your so-called "anti-heroes."

: Ha! Very clever, "Mean" Gene. Although the traditional place for a manager is right in his clients' corner, and although I have permission to leave you alone in the announce booth for this one match in order to take that place, my "Anti-Heroes" are four legends of this business, and can handle this without any last-minute instructions from me, and I have a job to do right here and I intend to do it.

: I suppose we'll soon see about that, but...


"Devil Inside" fires up.


Leatherface Kirchner and Cavernario Galindo begin to make their way down the long entrance ramp, grimacing and snarling like the savages they are purported to be. Rand switches from headset to mic.

: I am proud to introduce the two most savage wrestlers to be found in all of wrestling history. The scourge of Mexico, the man who ate a live animal to freak out his audience before Ozzy Osbourne was even born, the original savage, Cavernario Galindo!

And his partner and new-found soul-brother, the American Hero who turned his back on all that to become the terror of Japan, the dreaded Leatherface Kirchner!

Together, they ARE the SAVAGE BROTHERS!!


"O Fortuna" plays


Dry-ice fog begins to pour in, but no-one appears at the top of the ramp.

: And their partner-team, the new Shadow Brothers--the mysterious and ominous Mexican legend, the Black Shadow! teamed with the real, Japanese Kendo Nagasaki!

Powerful fans clear away the fog from the ring area, and Black Shadow and Kendo II are suddenly revealed as already standing there!


It's... the William Tell Overture! The cavalry must be coming.


Here they come, side by side: Santo , Gory Guerrero , Mil Máscaras , and Kendo Nagasaki . Gene switches from headset to mic.

: In a show of solidarity, these four legends are forgoing their usual elaborate individual entrances, to enter together, shoulder to shoulder. Santo el Enmascarado de Plata--the man with the silver mask--the original icon of Mexican wrestling! Gory Guerrero, legendary paterfamilias of the Guerrero wrestling dynasty! Santo's spiritual descendent, and lucha libre's ambassador to the world, Mil Máscaras! And finally, the most feared and reviled--but respected!--villain in the history of British wrestling, lately turned hero, the incredible Kendo Nagasaki!

: Hmph. "Hi ho silver," indeed. I'll bet they all think somebody else is the Tonto.

The good guys hit the ring and the brawl begins, with each going after a nemesis--Gory attacking Galindo, Santo leaping at the Black Shadow, Mil going after Kendo II intent on revenge for the salt thrown in his eyes last week, and Kendo I stuck with Leatherface by process of elimination.

: This is no match, this is just a pier-six brawl!

: Well, what can you expect, when you throw together combustible elements like these!

: The officials need to take control of this situation!


Which, gradually, they do. They finally get both sides to abide by one team allowed in the ring at a time. Mil and Kendo start against the Shadow Bros, but Kendo II quickly tags out to get away from the wrath of Máscaras.

This sets the pattern for this part of the match. It's tough to prevent tags in this chaotic environment, so whenever our heroes start to build up a head of steam, the bad guys tag in a fresh team.

: These self-styled "heroes" seem to be getting pretty frustrated.

: "Self styled"! You're the one who labeled them "the Heroes," Rand! And who wouldn't get frustrated by your slippery pack of miscreants!

: All part of the plan, Gene. All part of the plan.

After a lot of fast-paced back and forth, Gory finally traps his old nemesis Galindo in his patented submission hold, the Gory Special, while Santo has Leatherface occupied on the wrong side of the ring to tag the Savage Brothers out. The Shadow Bros leap to make the save, but Mil and Kendo I block it, and the third ref sends both non-legal teams back to their respective corners. Leatherface keeps trying for his corner, and Galindo tries to escape, but finally... Galindo TAPS!


: Your vaunted villains have the deck stacked against them now, Rand! Four men against two! So much for your precious "plan"!

: When plans go awry, Gene, don't panic... improvise!


The Savage Bros. are refusing to leave, and all three refs are occupied with the eight arguing wrestlers. In the confusion, Rand sneaks up and waffles Santo from behind with a steel chair. The refs didn't see it, but Black Shadow did, and he goes right for a cover. 1, 2, 3!

: No, not this way! Rand steals an elimination for his... I refuse to call them "Anti-Heroes"!... his Villains!

Rand returns to his chair at the announce table and puts his headset back on.

: I suppose you're proud of yourself!

: Yes, I am! That evens things up, now it's down to the Shadow Brothers against... are Mil and fake-Kendo really calling themselves "the Champions of Justice"? What incredible egos!

: Sure, you evened up an unfair fight! From a certain point of view.

: Your sarcasm, it wounds me! Wait, no... no it doesn't.

: Well, there's one silver lining--anyone who couldn't follow your convoluted explanation and didn't understand the rules of this match can rest easy now. Now that it's two-on-two it's exactly like a Hurricane match--everyone's legal! The next fall determines the winner, and the man who makes that fall gets to make any match he wants at night two of the Big Bang!

: And that man will be one of the Shadow Brothers!


Still angry about the salt in his eyes last week, Mil targets Kendo II, leaving the Black Shadow to Kendo I. Shadow and Kendo I are a good match for each other--Shadow is a high flyer, and Kendo a grappler, but both are brutal, intense brawlers. On the other hand Mil is mostly dominating Kendo II, while Kendo attempts every dirty trick that won't get him disqualified to try to turn the tide.

Then when Kendo I is charging at Black Shadow the other ref accidentally backs into his path. The third ref goes to check on him, leaving Kendo II briefly unofficiated, so he throws the ceremonial salt into Mil's eyes--again! But Mil has taken precautions--his mask for this match has clear plastic lenses over the eyeholes! While Mil briefly gloats over his foresight, Kendo II changes tacks and kicks him in the balls!

Kendo I notices out of the corner of his eye that his partner is at a disadvantage, and dumps Shadow over the top rope and out of the ring to give himself breathing space to come to Mil's aid.


: Now that wasn't sporting at all!

: After what the other Kendo just did to his partner, you can't criticize him for doing what he needed to do to come to his aid!

: I wasn't criticizing, I was applauding! I only wish he were on my side!

: Like a cat, the Black Shadow landed on his feet, but now it looks like he tweaked his ankle badly in the process!

: And now it's two-on-one, again! I sense a pattern emerging from the supposed upholders of good sportsmanship!

: YOU designed the rules of this match to make situations like that more likely! You just intended for it to happen to your advantage.

But Rand isn't listening--he has taken off his headset and his suit-jacket, and heads over to jaw with the third ref. Shadow is limping badly outside the ring, Mil is recovering from the nut-shot inside the ring, and the Kendos are brawling.

The third ref goes over to the announce table and speaks to Gene, and Rand starts to roll up his shirtsleeves.

: What?! Apparently, John Rand has convinced the officials to allow him to be an "injury substitute" for the Black Shadow. In the interest of fairness!

Mil is at a disadvantage because of Kendo II's dastardly below-the-belt kick, so Rand is able to dominate at first, taking a great deal of frustration and dislike out on Mil. Kendo I starts to take control in his fight with Kendo II, and takes him up into a fireman's carry.

: Oh my god, he's taking him to the top rope! Is he?... He did! A top-rope Kamikaze Crush! [This is essentially the same as Mr. Kennedy's finisher.] 1, 2, No!! Rand interferes again!

Rand breaks up the pin, but Kendo II is down, and Mil has recovered from the ball-breaker and is "hulking up" at him. Kendo I gets up and starts at him as well, and Rand backs into a corner. Suddenly, he spits right in Mil's face and then says something to the referees, and one of them calls for the bell while another blocks Mil and Kendo from attacking Rand.


: What?! Apparently Rand has submitted to Mil? He wasn't in a submission hold. They weren't even touching!

Rand gestures for a microphone.


: Fine, you beat me. Like a master chess player, I don't need to play all the way to checkmate to see that it's time to concede. But I win too! Because the prize was the match of my choice, and I know you want the same match I do right now anyway! You and I, one more time, tomorrow night! The result will not be the same when I've got you one on one! [Rand pushes the mic at Mil.]

: No! [Shakes head.] Tu! [Points to Rand.] Y... [Turns and points way up to the top of the ramp, where a spotlight is pointed right at the shining silver mask of...] SANTO!!!!



Santo's theme plays.
(skip to 1:20)

Camera switches back and forth a few times between Santo looking triumphant and Rand looking dismayed.

: You know what they say about the best laid plans, Rand!


To be continued... with the highly-anticipated penultimate match of Night One--Black Tiger vs The Great Sasuke!

[Batman]

Once the ring has cleared of participants in the previous match...



Out comes Eric Bischoff .

Bishoff has a mic in hand...

: No, no, Gene, don't get up, I've got this one.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you the man who brought high flying to Japan, the most graceful and agile competitor in the history of pro wrestling, the man who baffled the world by insisting on wearing his mask while serving in the legislature, the man who baffles his opponents with the deadly quickness of his feet and with an aerial arsenal which allows him to attack from any direction. I give you... the Great Sasuke!

Enter...




Sasuke and Bischoff come down the ramp side by side, and then Sasuke goes into the ring while Bischoff comes down to the announce table, dumps the mic and puts on a headset.

: So, Gene, looks like you could use a hand here.

: Er, well, Mr. Rand does appear to have abandoned his post once again.

: That's all right, Gene, I've got you covered. Not only does it give me a chance to talk up my secret weapon there, it also affords me ringside seats to Eddie Guerrero finally learning some humility and to know who's boss.

: Who, Sasuke?

: No, I am, of course!

: Naturally.

Black Tiger's theme, a song from The Matrix called "Clubbed to Death" plays...


: Now, I'm proud to introduce a man known and beloved on these shores as Eddie Guerrero, but on the other side of the Pacific is feared and reviled as the BLACK TIGER!!, a persona he says that Sasuke will deeply regret bringing back to life!

Enter... nobody.

Then, suddenly the music stops and all the lights in the Stadium go out for just a moment. When they are back on, the Black Tiger...



...has appeared on top of a turnbuckle in front of Sasuke and leaps at him, taking him down with a sort of Thesz press, and begins raining punches on him.

: There he is! My god, where could he have come from?

: What a cowardly sneak attack! How do you justify hypocricy like that?

: I don't approve of a sneak attack, Bischoff. But calling it hypocricy! Black Tiger specifically warned Sasuke that he was stalking him and that he would pounce. It may not be perfectly sportsmanlike, but doing exactly what you say you're going to do is the exact opposite of hypocricy!

: ....

I've said it before, Gene, and I'll say it again--QUIT CONFUSING ME WITH THE FACTS!


The first part of the match is all Black Tiger and all brawling--vicious forearms, european uppercuts, headbutts, that sort of thing. Eddie is PISSED. But Sasuke is incredibly fast and agile and eventually is able to turn things around and hit Black Tiger with an Asai Moonsault. (Yes, Sasuke gets enough height that he can do an Asai Moonsault to an opponent inside the ring.) This leads to a part of the match with less brawling and more trading kicks and high-flying moves, with incredible speed and grace, and plentiful two counts--reminiscent of Eddie v Mysterio at Halloween Havoc or of Sasuke v Benoit. One of the most dramatic, awesome moments comes when Black Tiger is dumped to the outside, and gets to his feet and then Sasuke hits him with the awesome...



: ...SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP!

: Is it really called that?

: Shouldn't you know the signature moves of the wrestlers in your own stable?

: FACTS! Quit confusing me with them! Seriously, I'm a big-picture guy...

If it had been falls-count-anywhere, that would undoubtedly have been the end, but by the time Sasuke drags Black Tiger back into the ring, we instead get yet another dramatic two count. Sasuke tries to wear Black Tiger down with lots of quick martial-arts kicks, but Eddie is doing a little no-selling mini-Hulk-Up. But then they run the ropes and Sasuke hits him with his handspring back-elbow, and climbs the ropes to hit him with his Senton! But Eddie does an Angle-esque quick-recovery run-up-the-ropes superplex!


: My god, that must be it. They can't possibly have any more in them! One... Two... NO!!

Sasuke isn't out yet, but he's still down. Eddie does the "feeling froggy" shimmy, and starts to climb the turnbuckle. But then, here comes...

EXCESSIVE FORCE!


The ref is shouting at them and saying that he'll give a DQ victory to Black Tiger if they take one more step.

Meanwhile, directly behind the ref, it's...

Santo!?



Black Tiger is on the top turnbuckle, poised for the frog splash, Santo (?) slides into the ring with steel chair in hand, then cracks Eddie right in the head with it. Black Tiger falls to the mat and Santo pulls Sasuke into a cover and slides out. With perfect timing, the ref turns and sees that there is a cover to count, and that's all she wrote.


: ONE! TWO! Oh, no! It's all over. Sasuke is victorious.

: And by pure god-damned luck, too, damn it!

: What are YOU griping about. Everything went according to your scummy plan!

: Hardly. I thought a distraction from Excessive Force would be enought to turn the tide if Sasuke should need a little edge. But if it hadn't been for Santo, Sasuke would have been toast. And I had nothing to do with that.

: Do you really expect anyone to believe that, Bischoff?

: Gene, when have you ever known me NOT to brag of any dirty trick I pulled off?

: That's... actually a good point. But let's set the record straight, there's no way that was really the heroic el Santo! It was an impersonator, surely!

: I don't see any reason to rule out Santo, but it's possible it was somebody else. That's the trouble with masks! But who, exactly are you accusing, Gene?

: Well... it's hard to say. There are several possibilities. I... er... I really don't know.


DUN-dun-dun! So... Whodunit? Can you guess?

To be continued...

[Batman]

Jump!


Enter:


: Wait a minute, Bobby Lashley is scheduled to enter now, not Art Barr!

: Well, let's find out what the man has to say, Gene.


: Folks, I've come out here tonight, unscheduled, for one reason--and that's to make it one hundred percent crystal clear that THAT WAS NOT ME!

I DID NOT put on a ridiculous Santo costume and come out here and screw over my best friend Eddy. Someone is clearly trying to frame me, and drive a wedge between me and Eddy, and sabotage La Pareja del Terror!

I'm ASHAMED of all of you people for falling for this obvious ploy! That could have been anybody under that mask and it's ridiculously unfair to assume it was me. I have my OWN theory, and the guy I'M sure was wearing that mask will find out that he didn't fool ME--tomorrow night!

For the sake of those of you who got here on the short bus, the reason everybody is assuming that was me under Santo's mask is that years ago--AGES ago--I once dressed up as Hijo del Santo to trick Eddy into thinking that Junior had turned on him. I don't apologize for that; it worked out for the best for everybody involved. But I don't have any reason to attack Eddy now, and I don't repeat the same trick twice.

THAT WAS NOT ME! Thank you and good night. Enjoy the rest of the show, folks.


: Well, that was... interesting.

: To say the least! Very interesting!

: Well, folks, now the main event of night one--Bobby Lashley versus the Big Show--really is next!

[Batman]

An assistant delivers an envelope to Commisioner Bischoff; he opens and reads it.

: Wow!

[Switches to mic.] All right, everybody, our main event tonight, Lashley versus the Giant... Big Show, will be starting in mere moments, but some dynamite new stipulations have just been added to that match. The carrot and the stick, so to speak!

The winner of this match will meet the winner of tomorrow night's main event in one of the semi-final brackets of a major tournament at our next supercard, (tentatively scheduled for Summer 2009.) The other bracket will be two all-time greats who are on our roster, but who have not yet been booked in a match. Whatever that means...

BUT!! The LOSER of this match--there is no place for him on the next supercard, so he WILL be traded for other talent. In effect, this will be a LOSER LEAVES TOWN match!

[Batman]

: So these two competitors are going to compete their hearts out... give their all, and while the winner gets a huge opportunity, the one who comes up short is left out in the cold. That's... that's...

: That's damn good business. Alderman has a lot more ruthlessness than I gave him credit for!

: Well, be that as it may... [Gene is interrupted by...]

...Lashley's theme, a rap version of Zeppelin's "Kashmir."


Lashley enters, accompanied by Mae Young



Gene switches to mic. : At this time, I am proud to introduce one of the most decorated young men in our sport today--a multi-time national amateur champion, a World Military Games medalist, a multi-time World Heavyweight Champion, and the man hand-picked by the Big Show to have the combination of power and grappling skill to truly challenge him, the one and only BOBBY LASHLEY! (Accompanied by the beautiful and talented Mae Young.)

Weeell...

Bischoff switches from headset to mic. : And may I please introduce the man who needs no introduction, the largest athlete in the world, the man who claims that he is the greatest wrestler of all time, and is intent on PROVING it! The giant... the colossal.... BIG! SHOW!!



Once they're both in the ring, Show jaws at Lashley a little, gesturing that he will chokeslam him. Lashley shakes his head and gestures towards Mae Young, i.e. "don't even talk to me, she does all my talking." Mae distracts Show momentarily, and Lashley charges him into a corner. But when he tries to follow up by whipping him into the opposite corner, Show hits him with a short-arm clothesline and gets a quick one-count cover. Then Lashley gets a few body shots and tries for a belly-to-belly, which Show breaks up with a headbutt.


Actually, rather than describe it move-for-move, it's basically this match:



Except with Lashley instead of Lesnar. Just the highlights: at one point Show gets Lesnar Lashley in a half Boston crab, and Lashley has to creep to the ropes to get a break. A couple of minutes later, Lashley has the advantage and tries to lift Show up to his shoulders for the F5 Dominator, but Show's work on his midsection pays off, and Lashley buckles under the weight. Later still, Lashley kicks out of the chokeslam, so Show lifts him up by the throat and starts to climb the turnbuckle to do a top-rope chokeslam. But Lashley recovers and is able to stun Show on the top turnbuckle long enough to do the BIGGEST SUPERPLEX EVER!


: OH MY GOD, THE RING HAS COMPLETELY COLLAPSED!

: Wow, this is... incredible!


Here's where the match diverges... Instead of calling for EMTs, when the ref recovers from being completely befuddled he instead starts a 10-count.

: A ten-count? These men need medical attention! This match can't possibly... No! They are! They're getting up! This match will continue among the ruins of the ring!


Lashley has the advantage and whips Show into the turnbuckle. But the ring-posts are all leaning over because of the ring collapse, so his head hits the top of a steel ring-post instead of the padded turnbuckle.

: The Big Show is a mess! He's bleeding all over the place! Lashley is going for the Dominator again!

: Is that really wise? He's just going to collapse again... No!

: No, he did it! It MUST be over this time... one...two... NO! BIG SHOW KICKS OUT!

: I think that Lashley has finally succeeded in REALLY getting the Giant mad!



Show just smiles maniacally in the face of Lashley's further strikes at his head, and then knocks him face-down to the mat, and starts choking him with the ring ropes. He repeatedly breaks the choke before the five-count to avoid disqualification. Mae is begging him to lay off. He drags Lashley over in front of the announce table and chokeslams him.

: Why did Big Show bring him over here? He needs to be in the ring to pin him!

: Hell, Gene, there's hardly any ring left!

Big Show next climbs on top of the announce table.

: What the hell is he doing?!

: Oh my god, we're finally going to see it--the rumored... whispered-of... GIANTSAULT!!!

The Big Show hits Lashley with a moonsault. Lashley dies. OK, not really, but he may as well have. Show drags him into the ring and one, two...


: THREE! My god, it's finally, mercifully, over. These two men's careers, even their LIVES, have likely been shortened by this brutal and grueling contest.

: Damn that was a fun match! And now for the best part--the crying!


Lashley does indeed have his head in his hands. His tenure at Armageddon Wrestling is over, and who knows what the future will bring. Mae is trying to comfort him. Big Show walks over and... helps him up to his feet. Show gives Lashley a big hug with lots of back-pounding, and then raises his hand as a gesture of respect. (Yeah, I want a quick face-turn for Show. It's a short-cut.)

: Hey, what the HELL? There's no hugging in wrestling!

: I think it's a heart-felt and well-earned gesture of respect between two battered warriors. Tomorrow Lashley may be traded away to who knows where, but tonight he put up one HELL of a fight. But Big Show's immediate future is assured--next summer he will be facing the winner of tomorrow night's main event in one of the semi-final brackets of a BLOCKBUSTER tournament!

Who will he face? Gorgeous George or Mankind? Join us again tomorrow night, Labor Day 2008, where they will meet in Hell in a Cell with Muhammad Ali as special guest referee! And don't forget that there will be several more exciting matches tomorrow night, one of which will be booked on the fly! BE THERE!

Note: IRL, this will not actually all be posted by tomorrow night.

[Chris Eco]

Oy, the Big Show's legendary moonsault. I forgot about that story.

[Batman]

****

I forget nothing. Nothing that's really cool, anyway.

I'm glad to have evidence someone's reading, thanks eco. An exalt to you!

I'll just say this now: I know everybody's understandably more focused on this year's draft, but feedback is welcome. Highly encouraged, even!

[Lucky]

I'm reading. I'm just not really a big roleplay fan so I don't have much to offer. And as you well remember from last year while I find your overall plan inspired I also find much of it... wonky.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Jun 25, 2009 13:32:51 GMT -5 Lucky said:

I'm reading. I'm just not really a big roleplay fan so I don't have much to offer. And as you well remember from last year while I find your overall plan inspired I also find much of it... wonky.

This.

[Batman]

Night 1 recap and results:

Post 1:
John Nord w/ Eddie Sharkey v Billy Robinson w/ Billy Riley (Trainers' Match, first round of Minneapolis Cup)
Nord taps out to an armbar. Team Manchester up 1-0.

The Rock and Roll Express v. Crusher & Bruiser v. the Gold Dusts (Paycheck Match)
Gold Dusts win by Toots Mondt pinning Crusher after hitting him with a Military Press Slam.

Crusher and Bruiser start to fight one another and brawl to the back.

Post 2:
Danny Hodge v. Farmer Burns (Stranglehold Match)
Time-limit Draw. Technical difficulties make it an unintentional dark match.

Atomic Two and Champions of Justice v. Shadow Bros. and Savage Bros. (4-Team Team-Tag Elimination Match)
Savage Bros eliminated first when Gory makes Galindo tap to the Gory Special.
Atomic Two eliminated second when Black Shadow pins el Santo via John Rand chairshot.
John Rand accepted as injury substitute after the Black Shadow is unable to continue due to an ankle injury.
Then when Kendo I hits a top-rope Kamikaze Crush on Kendo II, Rand forfeits to Mil.
As the winner, Mil can choose any match for Night 2 and chooses to force Rand to face el Santo

Post 3:
Black Tiger v. the Great Sasuke
Sasuke pins Tiger after he takes a chairshot from (apparently) el Santo.

Post 4:
"Love Machine" Art Barr cuts an impromptu promo denying that the man in the el Santo costume was him.

Post 5:
Bischoff announces stips for upcoming main event. Winner will be in semi-finals of a big tournament at the next super card, while the loser will be traded away.

[url=http://natecorbitt.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=pwa&action=display&thread=2673&page=8#143457[/url]Post 6:[/url]
MAIN EVENT! Bobby Lashley w/ Mae Young v. the Big Show
Ring collapses when Lashley superplexes Show.
Show pins Lashley after a Moonsault

****

Thanks for reading, guys, and letting me know. Good to know this thing has some kind of audience.

[Batman]

: Mean Gene here, folks, and welcome to the second edition of the Last Word, where we will be previewing all of the matches for tonight's Night Two of Armageddon Wrestling's super-show, the Big Bang!

We've invited all of the participants in those matches to submit a brief video of any final words they may still have about their upcoming match, and most have them have participated.

The first match tonight will be round two of the Minneapolis Cup tournament. This round will be a new match concept called a Captains' match. This match is like a Hurricane match in that everyone is legal all the time and there is no tagging. But unlike a tag match, only one man on each team is legal to pin or be pinned--the captain, in this case legendary trainers Eddie Sharkey of Minneapolis and Billy Riley of Manchester.

Mister Sharkey submitted this video to our program:

: Well, boys, you did it. You put one over on us and got the first-round lead. And I know what you're thinking now--"shut-out." It's so close you can almost taste it. "SO CLOSE"! "ALMOST"! Get USED to those words! Because you'll be saying them a LOT in the coming days and weeks. "We were SO CLOSE!" "We ALMOST had them!"

Because I'll tell you right now, me and Nord, we aren't going to let down our hometown Minneapolis fans in the Metrodome tonight! Not again!

: Once again the Manchester team has not submitted a video, presumably wanting to let their actions to speak for them!


Last night Mil Máscaras scored the winning fall in the Heroes versus Anti-Heroes match, winning the right to choose any match to be added to tonight's card. He chose to force my perfidious broadcast partner, John Rand to face the legendary Icon of Mexico, Santo, el Enmascarado de Plata!

Rand submitted this tape to our program today.

: I'll admit it, you threw me for a loop, Mister Masacara. Giving the legendary Santo a crack at me instead of saving that for yourself. [Dripping contempt:] Very selfless of you. We both know that Santo is an even bigger legend than you, an even more admired "hero." But the bigger they are the harder they fall! And Santo will fall TONIGHT! He's already starting to crumble--consider how he let his jealousy overcome his supposed high ideals when he sneak-attacked Black Tiger last night! And when the Icon of Mexico suffers a humiliating defeat at the hands of a mid-carder like me tonight... the man behind the mask might live on, but the legend... WILL! BE! DEAD!

: El Santo ally Kendo Nagasaki submitted this video on the silver-masked Icon's behalf:

: Rand, I know what yer goin' t'say. "The greater the legend, the greater the disappointment when he fails"--something like that, roight? El Santo is a legend, that's true. But tonight, he's just a man who wants the chance to get some licks back on a bloke what knocked him out from behoind.

And he's going to get that chance without any anti-hero interference, because we have the right to choose a stipulation for this match. (Except no cage matches, so as not to detract from the main event.) But we don't need to put the two of you into a cage--we'll put your allies into one! Your match will be a "Lock-up" match, with two big roofed cages outside the ring, one for each wrestler's allies! No more weaseling and maneuvering--it's toime for you to face the music alone!


: One of the most exciting matches tonight will be Eddy Guerrero and "Love Machine" Art Barr, La Pareja del Terror, taking on the Wild Samoans, Afa & Sika, or--as Eric Bischoff likes to call them--"Excessive Force"!

This will be a wild, fast-paced contest of power versus speed and savagery versus skill!

Here are a few final words Bischoff has submitted on behalf of the team representing his "New nWo." He claims to have a BLOCKBUSTER announcement about the stipulations of the match!

: People say that the only thing I care about is power, BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE! I also care about money. Money is a benefit of power and also helps you get more power, and thus more money! It's great! And the nWo are going to be swimming in the stuff tonight, because the match-up pitting EXCESSIVE FORCE! against Eddie and his never-was buddy is going to be the first ever MILLION-DOLLAR LADDER MATCH!

ONE MILLION DOLLARS will be suspended in... ("briefcases"?... must be a misprint...) a briefcase high above the ring! Whoever first pulls down a briefcase wins the match and the money inside. And with that kind of bank the nWo will be unstoppable!

Eddie! You and whatsisname might think you have the advantage in a ladder match, but not tonight! Afa & Sika are brothers! Hell, I think they might be twins! I sure as hell can't tell them apart! They don't think much, but what they do think, they think in UNISON! The key to tonight's match will be TRUST and they HAVE it! You know as well as I do you don't really trust your partner! He attacked you wearing a silver mask years ago and he did it again last night! You know it! I know it! He knows it! He knows you know it! And the two of you don't have one chance in a MILLION tonight!

: Wow! A million dollars on the line. The Gringo Love Machine had this to say about this incredible stipulation:


: For the sake of the slow and mentally feeble, I'm going to say it one more time: That. Was. Not. ME!!

But I know... I know nobody believes me. But that's OK. The guy who really did it knows it's true. And ONE other person knows that it's true. The ONE person whose opinion I give a damn about! EDDIE! FRICKIN'! GUERRERO!

[Image zooms out so we can see who's standing next to the Love Machine:]


: That's right, homes! I don't know who was wearing that Santo mask, but the one man I know didn't do it is YOU, esse. You're mi hermano! Does that mean I trust you any farther than I could throw you? Have you met my brothers?

: Hey, now...

: But you told the absolute truth when you said that you don't repeat the same trick twice! Someone is trying to frame you. Or Santo. I can't really decide who they meant to frame. But it doesn't matter--I'm not falling for it! Do I want revenge? Damn right! But not tonight! Whodunits can wait till tomorrow! Tonight! We are going to LIE! We are going to CHEAT! And we are going to STEAL ONE MILLION DOLLARS from YOU, Eric Bischoff!

: And the people?... The people are going to love us for it.


: There will also be a mystery match tonight, a match that no-one will know who will be in it until moments before it starts. Crusher and Bruiser have sent a tape in to our program to address rumors that their brawl following their defeat at the hands of the Gold Dusts might lead to them being booked in this impromptu match.

: Hey, 'dere, Crusher here.

: Yah, and Dick de Bruiser.

: We just wanted to let everybody know that after our liddle scuffle last night de President of de promotion came and talked to us.

: Yah, he wanted to know if we were frustrated wit each other over losing de match.

: And if maybe we wanted to take that frustration out in a match against each other in Night Two.

: And we said "Heck, no!"

: We weren't mad at each other that we didn't win the match.

: Sure, not getting the winner's cut was disappointing...

: But we were mostly mad that the fight was already over.

: And we hadn't got all of our "fight" out yet!

: We'd love to have a match against each udder--anytime!

: Nobody gives me a fight quite like Crusher!

: Likewise. But we ain't mad at each other or nothin'!

: The President said that that sounded like a good respect match sometime.

: But not somethin' fer Night Two.

: So, sorry t'say, but y'won't be seein' Crusher or Bruiser again tonight.

: Unless of course, y'see us at d'bar afterward!

: But don't get there too late, or we might already have drunk up all d'beer!

: So tonight's mystery match is still a mystery!


The penultimate match of the Big Bang! super card will pit two of the greatest legends of Japanese wrestling against each other to determine who will be the Commissioner of Armageddon Wrestling!

First, here is the legendary Antonio Inoki! (...with translator.)

: 無礼、横柄、冷酷さ、悪いスポーツマンシップ。 潮はこれらの事に対して止められなければならない。 私はエリックBischoffから長官の打つ蝶野 正洋そしてオフィスを除去することによって第一歩を、今夜踏む。

: Disrespect, arrogance, ruthlessness, poor sportsmanship. The tide must be stemmed against these things. I will take the first step tonight, by beating Masahiro Chōno and stripping the commissionership from Eric Bischoff.


: And these words were sent in by Masahiro Chōno... er, excuse me, I mean the man now wrestling under the name Mister Black Jack!

"Living After Midnight" begins to play.

: The crowd, they do not understand who it is they should boo and who it is they should cheer.

YOU are the one who represents staid, hide-bound tradition--things that are boring and un-cool.

I am the one who represents things that are cool, like Black Jack!



Like the nWo!



Like blue jeans and Rock and Roll, not business suits and that awful ching-a-ching-ching music.

The fans should be cheering for ME! But that's OK, I'll take out my frustration on YOU tonight!

: Hey! What about me!

: Oh, yes, and I will also save Mister Bischoff from losing commissionership, so he can keep ducking your martial-arts challenge.

: Hey!


: Now we have taken one last look at every match on tonight's card--except for one. Possibly the biggest, most incredible main event ever presented to a wrestling audience! The deranged Mankind versus the wily Gorgeous George in that Satanic structure known as Hell in a Cell, with the all-time great Muhammad Ali as special guest referee. There is absolutely no doubt that this will be a match for the ages!

But when we asked the competitors for their final words going into the match, BOTH independently informed us that there was nothing more to be said, that the time for words was over!

President Alderman says that our incredible main event MUST be promoted on the Last Word, and has compelled the combatants to reluctantly say a few words about each-other and about their upcoming life-shortening match.

Here you are, first Gorgeous George's final words about tonight's main event:



The time for words is over. The time for action is rapidly approaching. But I am compelled to speak. The last time I discussed our upcoming match, I waxed poetic--comparing it to a battle between civility and savagery. But as the hour gets later, I grow more and more prosaic. We are simply two men. Two men about to destroy one another. For money. For glory. For the entertainment of the unwashed masses.

Usually, before a match, I tear down my opponents with words. "He's a bum." "He's a fat slob." "He's not fit to polish my boots." All of that is truer now than ever before. You are a bum. I've certainly never faced a bigger slob. (Heh. We're practically "the Odd Couple.") But...

But. I watch tape. I watch a lot of tape. I've seen you cripple men--despite going into a match half-crippled yourself. I've seen you intimidate men--anyone with two brain cells to rub together--despite your bad knees, despite your win-loss record, despite everything. But you don't have bad knees anymore, do you?

I've seen you fall from the top turnbuckle all the way to the concrete below flat on your back and get up and keep fighting. I've seen you take chairshot after chairshot and just... NOT... FALL...

Can I beat you? Of course I can, and I will. Ultimately, doesn't everybody? But... they never seem the same afterwards, do they?

My opponents have often claimed that I am a coward, simply because I have the intelligence to avoid unnecessary risk. That is a lie. I am a very brave man. Brave enough to admit that tonight... I am very... very... afraid.

: And now we will close out our show with the strange final words of the bizarre and deranged MANKIND!




<sub>So, you're going to MAKE me talk, huh? "A few more words about Gorgeous George," huh? "A few more words about Hell in a Cell"?

Fine. If I HAVE to talk, let's take a brand new tack, shall we? MAYBE I was wrong about you, George. MAYBE I've judged you too harshly. Maybe you aren't a GIANT, WALKING PIECE OF CRAP!

Maybe not. But then again...

Maybe one of us is going to die tonight. Maybe...

Maybe I don't care.</sub>

[Batman]

: WELCOME BACK! Thank you for joining us again for the ultimate Night Two of the incredible Big Bang! supercard, emanating once again from the gargantuan Metrodome of Minneapolis, Minnesota. If possible, the crowd here tonight seems even more hyped up for the show than they were last night!

Camera pans the audience, bearing out Gene's words.

This is Mean Gene Okerlund, joined tonight by my presumably-temporary replacement broadcast partner, the universally despised Eric Bischoff!

: I should damn well HOPE it's temporary! I'm sick and tired of this bullshit! When the nWo wins the MILLION DOLLAR ladder match tonight, the first thing I'm going to do with the money is hire a good contract lawyer to find some loophole or something so I can stop jumping through hoops every time "Mr. President" needs something done.


: Er... perhaps. And that's only one of the incredible matches we have scheduled this evening! We also have the Minneapolis Cup! Santo's revenge on my erstwhile broadcast partner! An impromptu mystery match to be added at the President's discretion! A match over the fate of Eric Bischoff's commissionership!

: IN the bag!

: And finally, the awesome Hell in a Cell! The greatest--Muhammad Ali! The dastardly Gorgeous George! The insane Mankind! All of these incredible elements come together to form something even greater than the sum of its parts! Our colossal! STUPENDOUS! DEATH-DEFYING! MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!


All of that is in store for you tonight, but right now it's time for round two of the Minneapolis Cup.

: A tournament which, by the way, was MY idea. Two teams facing off for civic pride! Lame, I know--but the hometown fans eat that crap up!

Gene explains the rules of the Captains' Match again: Just like a hurricane match, except that only one man on each team--the "captain"--can pin or be pinned (or submit or whatever) obviating the problem of simultaneous falls. "Funkytown" plays to a huge pop.



Team Minneapolis--Eddie Sharkey and John Nord --come out to big chants of "Eddie! Eddie!"

Next, "How Soon is Now?" plays...



And the Manchester team of Billy Riley and Billy Robinson enter to hearty boos.

The match begins and both teams have the same basic strategy, with non-captains trying to dump or incapacitate each other long enough to effectively double-team the other team's captain. It's a good strategy, but neither Nord nor Robinson stays down long enough for it to work.

Finally miscommunication strikes. Nord whips Robinson across the ring, but collides him into Sharkey from behind. Riley takes advantage of the confusion to pin Sharkey with a quick roll-up. The roof blows off the place with booing.

: My god, it's a shutout! The Metrodome is in an upheaval! The World Capital of Wrestling Cup belongs to Manchester now! It's all over folks!

: The tournament is over, but it's not all over!


Bischoff is referring to the ongoing developments in the ring. Nord and Sharkey are shouting recriminations at each other, leading up to Nord spitting at Sharkey! The boos escalate even higher. Sharkey responds by slapping Nord, to a big pop. "Eddie" chants start up again. Nord puts them to rest and starts the booing back up by knocking Sharkey for a loop with a short-arm clothesline, then finishing him off with a piledriver. Nord leaves to thunderous boos, flipping the fans off on his way out in return.


: Team Minneapolis has fallen apart! WHO will represent our city in the Manchester Cup next summer?!

Stay tuned, folks!

Next...

The Revenge of the Mexican Icon!
vs.
Santo, el Enmascerado de Plata v. John Rand in a Lock-Up Match!

[Batman]

"Iron Man" plays...

...while two cages drop from the ceiling, one on each side of the ring.

One of the cages has the Anti-Heroes inside, while the other contains all of the Heroes, except for el Santo. The Savage brothers are snarling and rattling the bars, while the other prisoners wait more or less impassively.

Free Will plays...


and John Rand enters.



Then el Santo enters the stadium...



...while "Who Are You?" plays...



...wait, that's not el Santo's theme!

Santo gestures broadly toward the production area, making a throat-cutting gesture. A production guy shrugs helplessly and switches off the music.

A few moments later, the right music finally strikes up...
(skip to 1:20)

...and Santo charges the ring to get his revenge!

: What in the world was all of that about?

: I don't know... but maybe somebody's sending Santa a MESSAGE!

Rand is playing comedy heel jobber to the hilt, flopping and selling the hell out of Santo's offense. This goes on for several minutes, with Rand getting very little offense in. The other Heroes are cheering Santo on from within their cage, while the Anti-Heroes protest the... unfairness of life, I guess.

Then Rand flops around a little too much and knocks heads with the referee.

: Rand and the ref are both knocked out cold! What will el Santo do?

Well, some guys out for revenge might take advantage of the situation by landing a few chairshots, but Santo is entirely too purehearted for that. He hesitates and looks around, then shrugs and goes over to try and revive the ref.

But meanwhile, Art Barr has rolled out from under the ring!



He sneaks up behind Santo and nails him with a low blow! In their cages nearby the Heroes are livid and the Anti-Heroes ecstatic. Then he climbs to the top turnbuckle, and poises... but then does the one finger in the air for "wait a second" and shakes his head. Then he climbs to the top of one of the cages and leaps from there to hit Santo with his frog splash!


: What in the world is the Love Machine doing? What possible reason could he have for this unprovoked attack?

: What are you talking about, Gene? This is clearly payback for Santa's unprovoked attack on his partner last night!

: But THAT wasn't really el Santo!

The Gringo Love Machine rolls out and hides back under the ring. Rand revives and sees that Santo is out of it and hits him with his new finisher, the Object Lesson. (I don't know, let's say it's a... double-underhook piledriver? Sure, why not?)

The ref has revived by now and counts one... two... three!


: NO! Not this way!

: Aren't you happy for your partner, Gene?

To be continued!

[Batman]

The referee unlocks the anti-Hero cage and they leave the stadium with their leader while making celebratory gestures.

The ref starts toward the Heroes' cell, but then...

Art Barr rolls out from under the ring again and grabs the keys from the ref. He grabs a mic and rolls into the ring. He helps el Santo up just to shout into his face.

: SANTO! SANTO! It's time for some answers. I've got a big match coming up, a million dollar match! I can't have my partner distracted by wondering who waffled him with a chair! Admit it, there was no impersonator! IT WAS YOU, SANTO!

Barr starts back-handing him with the mic, making a piercing feedback sound.

You wanted to get payback on me for framing your son the same way all those years ago! What better way than to make it look like I was back to my old tricks? Who would suspect the "Saint"? You couldn't understand how Eddie could forgive me for that! We're FRIENDS, Santo! We let bygones be bygones!

Now own up! Tell Eddie that it was you and NOT ME!

: No! No verdad!

: What? Are you trying to say that was me? THAT WAS NOT ME! It was YOU, Santo!

: No!

Eddie Guerrero rushes out from backstage!

: Art, no! This isn't the way to handle it! I don't know who attacked me last night dressed as Santo, but I'm sure it wasn't Santo.

: You're sure it wasn't Santo, huh? You keep saying you're sure it wasn't me, too. But who else if it wasn't one of us? WE'RE the obvious suspects.

While Eddy and Love Machine jaw, the ref opens up the Heroes cage. They glare at Art, but decide to just help Santo to the back.

: No way, esse. Somebody was trying to cast suspicion on both of you and set us against each other. LOTS of people have motive for that! Bischoff could have paid someone off to do it in order to sabotage us. Or one of the Anti-Heroes could have done it to sabotage the Hero faction! Who knows?! We can worry about that later, right now we have to concentrate on our match tonight!

Bischoff picks up a mic.

: Yes, yes you DO, Eddie. Because that match starts RIGHT NOW! Lower the briefcase! Bring on the Excessive Force!

"You Dropped a Bomb on Me"


The Samoans charge toward the ring and a briefcase lowers from the ceiling. And another, and another... Until there are ten briefcases suspended at different points and different heights above the ring.

: What the blue hell is going on around here!

To be continued...

[Batman]

: I can answer that, Commissioner Bischoff! President Alderman wanted to save the details of the Million Dollar Ladder Match as a surprise for you!

There is a total of one million dollars suspended above the ring. Perhaps it's divided evenly among the ten briefcases. Or perhaps it's all in one briefcase!

Once one team pulls down a briefcase and look inside they have two options. They can take the win and keep the money, or they can forfeit the money and the win in order to restart the match and have a chance at more money in a different case!

: Oh, nooooo.

Bischoff puts his head into his hands mourning his lost riches.

I'm not going to make any attempt at describing this match move for move. It's wild and woolly, fast-paced and crazy. The first part is mostly the Samoans beating the hell out of the Terror Two with high-impact moves like flying headbutts. Ladder matches are new to them so they're a bit awkward climbing up, and Eddy and Art manage to knock them down to start up hope sequences a couple of times. But then the Samoans manage to beat the boys down enough to give themselves time to climb up and get a briefcase. It's all over, folks. The Samoans begin to celebrate. Except...

: Five hundred dollars! There's only five hundred dollars in this case! No, no you did NOT win. Go get another case! They forfeit and re-start the match! I'm their manager, I'm empowered to make decisions like that!

While Bischoff tries to get the Samoans to understand what they need to do, the Terror Two have had time to recover. Art gives a low blow to the Samoan holding the briefcase, allowing Eddy to grab it. Eddy cracks Bishoff in the head with it, and the other Samoan in the knees. (Eddy didn't forget the invulnerability of Samoan heads.) The Samoans just barely head the Terror Two off from taking advantage and getting a quick win, but they no longer have the wind to keep up with the boys and the rest of the match is all Terror Two.

The end game goes like this: The boys double-team one of the Samoans on the outside and hit him with something devastating and creative utilizing the ladder. Let's say... a ladder-assisted double hilo from the inside of the ring to out. Meanwhile the other Samoan is in the ring slowly dragging himself up a ladder. The boys come back in and Eddy climbs the other side of the ladder while Art sets up a ladder next to the Samoan's and starts up. Eddy does the sunset flip power bomb, and then Art hits the Samoan with a frog splash from the top of the ladder. So the Samoans are essentially dead.

The boys each climb up a ladder and each bring down a briefcase. With broad gestures they get across a conversation along the lines of, "Which one should we open?" "Rock Paper Scissors?" Eddy wins with paper covers rock and opens his briefcase. There's ten thousand dollars inside!

: Should we keep it? Or try the other one?

: You know me. Let's gamble!

Without waiting for Eddy to reply, Love Machine cracks open the other briefcase! There's five hundred thousand inside! Everyone celebrates!

The Terror Two make their way around the ringside, celebrating and high-fiving with the front rows and camera-men and technicians. There are huge "Eddy" chants, but Guerrero gets the crowd to switch to "Love Ma - CHINE!" for a bit.

Then when their rounds bring them over to the announce table, Gene takes the opportunity to put his journalist hat on.

: Fellows! You've just won half a million dollars! What are you going to do next?!

: Gene, man, I am going to go get me some COKE!... [blinks.] ...a-cola, 'cause I worked up a thirst winning that money, and that's what I drink now that I'm clean and sober. And then I'm going to head down to see some strippers, man!

: That's right, esse! I mean not right away--I wouldn't want to miss Inoki humiliating you AGAIN tonight, Bischoff, and taking away your commissionership. And there's no WAY I'm missing that awesome Hell in a Cell match!

But after the show, we'll see all of you vatos at the strip club, and the drinks will be on US!

The cheering becomes even more thunderous! Everyone in the Metrodome is ecstatic. Except of course...

: Ohhh, my money! All my beautiful, beautiful money!

[Batman]

: Commissioner, I've just been handed an envelope and told that it's contents will cheer you up a little.

: Oh, great, more announcements, I suppose?

[Reads.]

Hmph. Well it is bad news, and... [switches from headset to mic] ...everybody knows I love to give people bad news--I only wish I could send this Fed Ex! The impromptu match of the evening has been decided. Like last night's main event, this will be another carrot-and-stick match where the winner will be rewarded... but the loser will be... FIRED!

The match will be between hometown hero Eddie Sharkey [Cheers!] and hometown scapegoat John Nord! [Jeers!] The loser will be traded away to another promotion, while the winner will either get or keep the title of Team Minneapolis Captain and will choose not one but two replacements for the loser.

(What the hell for?...Oh.)

Because the Captain of Team Manchester [BOOOOO!] will also be choosing a third member for his team, because next year, the Manchester Cup [BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!] will be contested--as originally intended--between two three-man teams. Yipee, whatever. The important thing is SOMEBODY'S GETTING CANNED TONIGHT!

And that match starts RIGHT NOW!

[Batman]

"Funkytown" begins to play...


: I'm very proud to introduce, the Trainer of Champions! EDDIE! SHARKEY!!

...he enters, prompting another round of "Eddie! Eddie!" chants.

"Funkytown" continues to play for his opponent's intro. (He doesn't have his own music, after all.)

: And may I introduce... Minnesota's FAVORITE wrestler... The PRIDE of Robbinsdale High! Hahahahahaha! Hoooh-hahaha. No, none of that's true, but here he is nonetheless... JOHN! NORD!

The Metrodome crowd hates this man more than road construction.

The match begins and starts out all Sharkey, much to the delight of the crowd. Every time Nord tries to bring his power to bear, Sharkey uses his speed and agility and counter-wrestling skill to avoid it without damage. Nord is growing more and more frustrated, and pretty beat up as well. Then a turning-point comes when Nord exposes a turnbuckle and attempts to whip Sharkey into it. Sharkey reverses the whip and Nord smacks into the exposed corner head-first.



: These fans have been out for Nord's blood all evening and NOW THEY'VE GOT IT!

Tasting his own blood seems to kick Nord into a new gear. Now he's finally able to connect with his power game. He starts hitting power moves like slams and clotheslines, and getting two counts. However his covers are still frequently getting reversed.

Then, when the frustrated Nord is jawing with the ref, Billy Robinson comes out and delivers a low blow to Sharkey!

: Clearly, Team Manchester feels that John Nord would be an easier captain to beat at next summer's Cup!

: Smart!

But Sharkey appears to be unaffected! Robinson is shaking out his arm like the low blow hurt HIM! Nord tries for a charge, but Robinson reverses and turns his momentum against him and gets a roll-up. Once the ref is on the mat to watch Nord's shoulders, Sharkey puts his feet on the ropes for extra leverage and gets the 1 2 3!

: Sharkey retains the Captaincy of Team Minneapolis!

But I've got to find out how!

[Gene grabs a mic and runs to ringside.]

Mister Sharkey! I mean, Captain Sharkey! I've just got to ask... You just won a grueling match immediately after suffering a low blow! How did you do it?

: I always say that every match is won or lost before it begins! It's all in the preparation. And this match was no exception. I WORE A CUP!

The Metrodome is rocked with laughter and cheers, and the "Eddie" chants grow louder than ever.

To be continued...

[Batman]

: All right now, this next is a MUST WIN for the nWo! Even more so than that damn screwjob of a ladder match. If the nWo loses this, Inoki replaces me as Commissioner. But if we win, Inoki is FIRED and out of our hair for good!

: Commissioner, that is completely inaccurate. This next match--the second-to-last match of the entire Big Bang! super show--will pit Antonio Inoki against Mister Black Jack, representing the nWo. If Inoki wins he will force you out of the Commissioner's office, but he will NOT be fired if he loses.

: Well, then what do we get for beating him?

: Well, you get to stay Commissioner...?

: Big deal! I'm sick of making announcements anyway!

: You like that the Commissioner isn't allowed to be booked in a match!

: Well, good point. Not that I'm scared of Inoki's ridiculous martial arts challenge, but I don't like being pushed into anything! I'm a black belt! I don't have anything to prove to him!

: Well, that's a matter of opinion. Be that as it may, that match is coming up next!

[Batman]

"Honno No Fighter"


: Armageddon Wrestling is PROUD to introduce, the legendary Antonio Inoki!




"Living After Midnight"


: The nWo is even MORE proud to introduce the AWESOMELY COOL MISTER! BLACK! JACK!!



This is a dramatic, evenly-matched bout with lots of two counts. It is a classic old-fashioned Strong Style match-up, mostly old-school grappling, with Inoki throwing in an occasional dropkick and even picking up a two-count with his innovation, the enzuigiri. Neither man can finish the other off, and Black Jack is getting more and more frustrated with his inability to take out Inoki OR to win over the cheers of the crowd. Bischoff is also sounding more and more nervous. Then...


: Things are looking bad for Jack! Inoki has him trapped in his legendary and feared submission hold, "The Octopus"!



: 'Scuse me...

: Where are YOU going?

Oh my god! Eric Bischoff just landed a taekwando roundhouse kick on Inoki's face! In full view of the referee! Bischoff has intentionally thrown this match and the Commissionership away! Why?!

Well, I see a mic in his hand, I guess he's going to tell us!


: Inoki, you single-minded bastard! What you don't understand is that the key to victory isn't just to find one path to victory and stay on it! That's your way and Eddie's way, the bullheaded way! No, the key is to make sure that ALL PATHS lead to victory. Sure it would have been great to have Black Jack kick your ass and humiliate you one-on-one, and that would have happened on any other night. But tonight it looked like you had his number.

[The look on Chono's face says that he would dispute that assertion, and is none too happy about Eric's lack of faith in him.]

But that's OK, because we've STILL made you look foolish, because I'm STILL immune from that martial arts challenge you want. You think I wanted to be Commissioner?! You can have it! And now YOU aren't allowed to be booked in any matches, so you still can't touch me. What do you think of THAT?


: No!... No... was... fight-by-proxy. I... am not... commissioner.

HE IS! [Points towards announce table.]


: Who? Wait... ME?!