[Batman]

Cut to a highlight video of the feud between Mankind and Gorgeous George.

The music is a hard rock remix of Johnny Cash singing "God's Gonna Cut You Down."


The first part of the video focuses on what led up to the feud, recapping Foley introducing George, George taking on Nowinski as a protege, Nowinski injuring Foley's hardcore prospect Micky Knuckles, and George throwing in the towel in Mankind's helmet match with Nowinski.

: George Wagner. "Gorgeous" George. From the moment I introduced you, I've been feeling more and more... split. First, there's the side that said a lot of nice things about the incredible impact you had on this business, and on American culture in general. I tried to explain just how influential a figure you are in the history of professional wrestling, how you inspired scores of imitators to bleach their hair, and to act like STUCK-UP JACKASSES! If it weren't for you... and all of the wrestlers inspired by you... convincing the audience... that you are just... so... incredibly... LOATHSOME!!!... that they're willing to put down their hard-earned cash just for the CHANCE!... even a small chance... that they might get to see you GET YOUR ASS KICKED!...we'd all be making a lot... less... money. My rational, reasonable side knows all of that.... But there's a little... tiny... voice... buried deep down inside, saying...

: _{i don't CARE! i don't CARE ABOUT THE MONEY! SCREW!... that guy. SCREW HIM!... and all his ilk. they can all GO TO HELL!}

: Now an alter-ego is not a mental illness. Everybody has one. "Mankind" was a character I made up... I thought. I didn't "make up" Mankind. I only unearthed him. I only... UNLEASHED him.

: _{it goes all the way back to when i was just a little kid. a little different, just a funny, different little kid with an unusual sense of humor who only needed a little COMPASSION!... and THOUGHTFULNESS! children can be so cruel. they don't know how much their cruelty HURTS! but you do. you do....}

: When my rational, reasonable side says: "kids can't help being cruel, they just don't understand the effect that harsh words can have on people yet"... my alter-ego can say...

: _{I WISH THOSE KIDS HAD GOTTEN HIT BY A BUS!}

: When the rational me says: "Gorgeous George is an amazing performer with a pivotal role in the development of the sport I love and an incredibly legacy"... my alter-ego replies...

: _{GORGEOUS GEORGE IS A PIECE OF CRAP! HE'S LOWER THAN CRAP! HE'S WORTHLESS AND HIS STINKING LEGACY IS WORTHLESS!}

: That is a lie.

: _{have a nice day... if you can.}

: We are simply two men. Two men about to destroy one another. For money. For glory. For the entertainment of the unwashed masses.

This next part of the video shows highlights of past Hell in a Cell matches, showcasing its brutality and savagery.

: _{Maybe one of us is going to die tonight.}

: This will not be a "match." A "match" has rules. There are no rules... and there is no escape.

: _{HELL!....... IN A CELL!!}

: THIS... will be a battle.

: _{HELL!....... IN A CELL!!}

: This will not just be a battle between Gorgeous George and Mankind. THIS... will be a battle between civility and savagery.

: _{HELL!....... IN A CELL!!}

: If I win, I do not win only for myself. If I lose, we all lose something.

: _{Maybe one of us is going to die tonight.}

This part of the video focuses on Muhammad Ali, particularly his interactions with pro wrestling.

: When I agreed to enter this lion's den and meet this avatar of savagery on behalf of all civilization, I asked for just one thing, one tiny concession to sanity and good sense: an official.

: I am the Greatest of All Time, and I WILL call this match right down the middle! Nothing! Not threats, no blandishment, no friendship, no punishment: No, nothing on this EARTH would deter me from doing my JOB as referee!

This part is just highlights of each man's careers.

: People, by nature, have a really difficult time giving much credit to an effeminate man...

: You are a bum. I've certainly never faced a bigger slob. But...

: Forget about perfume and flower petals, that man has one of the best win-loss records in professional wrestling. Hell, in any sport!

: I've seen you cripple men--despite going into a match half-crippled yourself.

: He actively tries to make you forget just how dangerous he is, and--with all of his prancing around the ring--he usually succeeds.

: I've seen you fall from the top turnbuckle all the way to the concrete below flat on your back and get up and keep fighting. I've seen you take chairshot after chairshot and just... NOT... FALL...

: "Gorgeous" George is without a doubt THE dirtiest player in the game.

: That is a lie.

This part just focuses on dramatic close-ups of George and Mankind's faces, intercut with shots of Mankind falling from the top of the Cell.

: _{MAYBE I was wrong about you, George. MAYBE I've judged you too harshly. Maybe you aren't a GIANT, WALKING PIECE OF CRAP!}

: I am a very brave man.

: _{Maybe not. But then again...}

: Brave enough to admit that tonight...

: _{Maybe one of us is going to die tonight.}

: I am very...

: _Maybe...

: very...

: _{Maybe I don't care.}

: afraid.

[Batman]

A brief recap of everything leading up to our incredible Main EVENT!!

1- President Alderman takes Eddie Guerrero as his first-round draft pick.

2- President Alderman takes Mick Foley as his second-round draft pick, and names him interim Commissioner. Foley announces Big Show as the third-round pick. Big Show wants to prove that he's not just the greatest "big man" in wrestling.

3- Commissioner Foley introduces Gorgeous George and Low-Ki as the fourth- and fifth-round draft picks.

4- Commissioner Foley introduces Chris Adams and Antonio Inoki as the next two drafts. Adams interrupts Inoki's introductory speech and the two brawl.

5- Commissioner Foley announces that Inoki has taken over from him as the new interim Commissioner. Commissioner Inoki announces that Chris Adams has been traded away.

6- Eddie v Low-Ki (Special Exhibition Match)
Low-Ki pins Eddie, (fast count.)

7- Inoki challenges Big Show, but Show rejects the challenge.

8- Eddie Guerrero introduces the next two draft picks--The Great Sasuke and Eric Bischoff. Eric Bischoff announces that he is the new permanent Commissioner, and suggests that Eddie "play ball" with the new regime. When Eddie rejects this, Sasuke attacks him with a steel chair from behind, and Bischoff announces the latest acquisition Afa & Sika, who he is now calling Excessive Force! and all three give Eddie a beating.

9- Eddie Guerrero does a pre-taped promo where he reminds us that Sasuke used to be his partner, but that he went by a different name then and that the Black Tiger is who Sasuke will have to face.

10- Big Show introduces Bobby Lashley, challenges him to a match, suggests he should get a manager.

11- Eddie introduces Mil Máscaras and Art Barr. Eddy and Love Machine reunite their tag team, the Terror Two.

12- Eddie goes on to introduce Matt Striker. Striker announces that he is here to show that self-appointed "heroes" like Máscaras are self-righteous hypocrites, and that his perspective has changed so much that he is going to go by a new wrestling name, John Rand. Máscaras challenges him to settle it on the spot, but instead Rand surprises Máscaras by attacking him with a caustic liquid to his eyes.

13- Inoki introduces Masahiro Chōno. Chōno enters with Sasuke and Bischoff and they announce that they will be the core of a new nWo. Sasuke and Chōno attack Inoki, and Bischoff calls out Excessive Force! But they are headed off by the Terror Two who come the Inoki's rescue. Inoki challenges Bischoff to a martial arts spar for the Commissionership.

14- Gorgeous George introduces Christopher Nowinski and takes him on as a protege. Nowinski suggests that the two of them should have a respect match at the supershow.

15- The *new* nWo come out and Bischoff announces that the Commissioner can not be booked in a match, but that the nWo will be expected to defend the Commissionership from Inoki's challenge by proxy. They announce that Chōno will be the one to accept Inoki's challenge. Chōno also announces that he will now be known by an Americanized name that he has used before, Mr. Black Jack. Bischoff also announces (from the President) that if Nowinski wants a match with George, he will have to defend his spot from any challenger. He goes on to accept Eddie--or "Black Tiger's" challenge on behalf of Sasuke. And on behalf of Excessive Force! he challenges the Terror Two to a match at the super-show.

16- Foley introduces Mickie Knuckles. She challenges him to a match, which he ducks, saying she's not ready for him.

17- Love Machine talks himself and the Terror Two up. He accepts the challenge from Excessive Force! The Atomic Two announce that they have come to Armageddon Wrestling in a trade, and Gory Guerrero questions Barr's loyalty to his son, Eddy.

18- Rand intoduces Gene Okerlund and announces that the two of them will be the announce team.

19- Foley introduces Mae Young. Mickie Knuckles comes out and challenges her, but Young whispers a better idea in her ear.

20- Nowinski v Mystery Opponent (Special Challenge Match)
Nowinski must face a mystery opponent in a challenge match for his spot facing his mentor at the supershow. The challenger is Mickie Knuckles. Because of his history of concussion he is allowed a helmet, as long as he agrees to no head-butts. But George distracts the ref, and Nowinski does a flying head-butt to the back of her head giving her a career-threatening concussion.
Nowinski defeats Knuckles after a DDT.

21- Rand intoduces his first ally, the Black Shadow. Máscaras counters by introducing Kendo Nagasaki as an ally.

22- Foley talks about how he feels about George and why he's challenging him as Mankind.

23- The Great Manager Debate of 2008. Bischoff, Rand, and George all try to convince Lashley to take them on as his manager. But then Mae Young reveals that it was all a set-up and that he had already chosen her.

24- Máscaras v. Nagasaki (Respect Match)
Nagasaki attacks Máscaras's eyes (again) with his ceremonial salt. It turns out that it is not actually Nagasaki, but Nagasaki II who is a Rand ally. Rand appears on the Big Screen and talks about how Nagasaki is a villain in Britain and (revealing that he captured him before the match) asks him why he switched sides. He talks about this, and then the Atomic Two come to his rescue.

25- While everyone is watching this on the big screen, the nWo attack the Terror Two from behind.

26- George is caught on tape talking to Mr. President about how unhappy he is about the special helmet rules of the upcoming challenge match between Nowinski and Foley, and the match between Foley and himself at the super-card likely to result.

27- Black Tiger promises that Sasuke will see him soon.

28- Mankind v Nowinski (Special Challenge Match, Helmets Legal)
George throws in the towel as soon as the bell rings, rather than risk Nowinski likely being injured by a vengeful Mankind.

29- Rand announces that the Black Shadow and Nagasaki II will be forming a new tag team called the Shadow Brothers. He also talks about his philosophy and about the factions in Armageddon Wrestling using a prop called the "Wheel of Morality" as a visual aide.

30- George announces that the main event of the super-show will be a Hell in a Cell between himself and Mankind and introduces the special guest referee, Muhammad Ali.

31- Rand introduces Leatherface and Galindo, the Savage Brothers. He challenges the "heroes" to face the Shadow and Savage Brothers in a special eight-man match and they accept the challenge.

32- Nagasaki introduces Billy Robinson who introduces (and talks up) his trainer Billy Riley. Eddie Sharkey interrupts and says that he is the greatest trainer, not Riley, and that Minneapolis is a greater wrestling town than Manchester. He introduces one of his students, John Nord, and challenges Robinson and Riley to a match. Bischoff interrupts and suggests that it be a three-match "World Capital of Wrestling Cup" series, instead. Everyone agrees to this.

33- Bischoff introduces Farmer Burns and Danny Hodge. Because one is known for incredible neck strength and the other for prodigious grip, Bischoff suggests a Strangle Hold Match that can only be won by sleeper.

34- The Rock and Roll Express and Bruiser & Crusher arrive in the auditorium but there isn't anyone to introduce them. They talk themselves up a little and start to challenge each-other when the crew suddenly attack. They're the Gold Dust Trio in disguise! Billy Sandow talks up his two wrestlers, but then the two other teams recover and challenge them to a "Paycheck Match," and they agree.

35- Some details about match stipulations.

36- Gene hosts The Last Word the night before Night One of the Big Bang! a show with pre-taped promos from participants in the upcoming night of matches.

37- Night One of the Big Bang! is underway!

John Nord w/ Eddie Sharkey v Billy Robinson w/ Billy Riley (Trainers' Match, first round of Minneapolis Cup)
Nord taps out to an armbar. Team Manchester up 1-0.

The Rock and Roll Express v. Crusher & Bruiser v. the Gold Dusts (Paycheck Match)
Gold Dusts win by Toots Mondt pinning Crusher after hitting him with a Military Press Slam.

Crusher and Bruiser start to fight one another and brawl to the back.

38- Danny Hodge v. Farmer Burns (Stranglehold Match)
Time-limit Draw. Technical difficulties make it an unintentional dark match.

Atomic Two and Champions of Justice v. Shadow Bros. and Savage Bros. (4-Team Team-Tag Elimination Match)
Savage Bros eliminated first when Gory makes Galindo tap to the Gory Special.
Atomic Two eliminated second when Black Shadow pins el Santo via John Rand chairshot.
John Rand accepted as injury substitute after the Black Shadow is unable to continue due to an ankle injury.
Then when Kendo I hits a top-rope Kamikaze Crush on Kendo II, Rand forfeits to Mil.
As the winner, Mil can choose any match for Night 2 and chooses to force Rand to face el Santo

39- Bischoff has taken over from Rand on color.
Black Tiger v. the Great Sasuke
Sasuke pins Tiger after he takes a chairshot from (apparently) el Santo.

40- "Love Machine" Art Barr cuts an impromptu promo denying that the man in the el Santo costume was him.

41- Bischoff announces stips for upcoming main event. Winner will be in semi-finals of a big tournament at the next super card, while the loser will be traded away.

[url=http://natecorbitt.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=pwa&action=display&thread=2673&page=8#143457[/url]42-[/url] MAIN EVENT! Bobby Lashley w/ Mae Young v. the Big Show
Ring collapses when Lashley superplexes Show.
Show pins Lashley after a Moonsault

43-The second edition of the Last Word where Gene presents pre-taped promos from participants in that night's Night Two matches.

44- Night Two of the Big Bang! is underway! Bischoff remains on color.
Team Minneapolis v. Team Manchester (Captains' Match, Round 2 of Minneapolis Cup)
Manchester wins the match and the cup in a shutout when Riley pins Sharkey with a roll-up after Nord accidentally whips Robinson into Riley.
Postmatch, Nord turns on Sharkey, and gives him a piledriver.

45- El Santo v. Rand (Lock-up Match)
Rand pins Santo after a ref bump allows Art Barr to interfere.

46- Post-match Barr accuses Santo of being the one who attacked Black Tiger dressed as Santo. Eddy intervenes, then Bischoff announces that it's time for Love Machine & Eddy's match. TEN briefcases lower from the ceiling.

47- The Terror Two v. Excessive Force! (Million Dollar Ladder Match)
Terror Two win after finding a case with half a million dollars in it!

48- Bischoff announces that the impromptu match will be Sharkey v Nord and the winner will be the Captain of next year's Team Minneapolis and the loser will be traded.

49- Sharkey v. Nord (Carrot and Stick match)
Sharkey pins Nord with rope-assisted roll-up.

50- Bischoff and Okerlund jaw about the stipulations of the next match.

51- Inoki v Black Jack (Commissionership on the line)
When Inoki has Black Jack in the Octopus hold, Bischoff intentionally causes the DQ.
Bischoff says he doesn't want to be Commissioner anyway, and if Inoki is Commissioner he still can't have Martial Arts challenge with Bischoff.
Inoki says that he is not Commisssioner, Okerlund is.

52- Highlight video of Mankind/Gorgeous George feud, leading up to the main event, which is...

NEXT!

[Batman]

"Iron Man" plays...

While the "Hell-in-a" Cell is slowly lowered from the ceiling.

: My god, what an ominous sight. And that video! I'm still getting over the shock of being the new Commissioner of Armageddon Wrestling... and then they throw this at us! That was some really chilling stuff, wouldn't you say, Bischoff? Hey! What rock did you crawl out from under, Rand?

: You were really sucked in by that recap video, eh, Commissioner? While your eyes were glued to the Big Screen, Eric had a giant hissy fit over his nWo's utter failure to accomplish any of their goals tonight, and stormed to the back. But the show must go on, and I had already had a chance to shower and change after my glorious--and incredibly satisfying--victory over the self-professed "Saint" of Mexican wrestling, so they sent me back out to pinch-hit on color commentary for the main event.

: I would dispute how "glorious" your victory was--I'd call it pure luck!--but it's about time for us to focus on the main event.

: Luck favors the prepared, Commissioner, and Santo made his own bed by interfering with Black Tiger last night...

: That was NOT really Santo!

: ...BUT! But you're right that it's time for us to focus our attention on the main event. And what a main event it is! I have to tell you that I am very happy that Bischoff's snit has won me a ringside seat here at the announce table, because this match has all the makings of the greatest, most brutal battle ever to take place in the squared circle.

Our sport is built on hate, and I can't think when I've seen such legitimate, boiling HATE between two wrestlers--maybe Tully Blanchard and Magnum TA, perhaps Chris Benoit and Kevin Sullivan.

: I'm not surprised to hear that I'm not likely to get any sympathy from you regarding my worries that these two competitors might take things too far tonight... that the atmosphere tonight is entirely TOO charged with brutality... That someone might end up grievously injured, or... or worse!

: No, I don't sympathize. I agree that someone may well be seriously hurt tonight, but just listen to that crowd Commissioner! These people are ready for BLOOD! If there were some way to stop this match, who knows how many people would be injured in the ensuing riot!

: Well... that is a point. But...

: ...but the truth is I don't care about that. I'm just as eager for brutality and blood as anybody else in this crowd. Gorgeous George and Mankind have been on a collision course ever since they were both drafted here. Like in an old Western, this town isn't big enough for the both of them. This confrontation is every bit as inescapable as that cell, and I'm not the least bit sorry about it.

: You may be right, Rand, but that does NOT excuse your insufferable callousness.

: Oh, grow up! It's a tough and brutal world!


"Harvard Fight Song"


: Everyone! Please join me and give a hearty Midwestern welcome to the grappler from the Ivy League... Professional wrestling's ONLY Harvard graduate... and Gorgeous George's protege and corner-man for this evening... The one-and-only Christopher Nowinski!

Nowinski enters wearing a business suit and an old-fashioned leather football helmet. He gets some hearty Midwestern booing.


"Ali BOM BA YE!" plays.


: Now please allow me to introduce the very special guest referee for tonight's main event... a man who needs no introduction... the greatest of all time!... MUHAMMAD! ALI!



Ali enters to a big ovation, but he manages to get a smattering of boos when he examines the climbing holes in the cell and manages to get across via body language that he intends to make sure those aren't used tonight and that this fight will stay inside the cell and by the book.


"Entry of the Gladiators," The Circus march, plays.


Appropriately enough, a circus enters. There are showgirls on elephants, orchids are falling from the ceiling, tiger tamers are bidding snow-white tigers to jump through flaming hoops. It is the most ludicrously elaborate entrance you have ever seen. In amongst it all, Jeffries is atomizing untoward odors with his Chanel #10. Jeffries gets some boos, but most of them are being saved for the real villain...

The circus music ends, and "Pomp and Circumstance" begins.


: AND NOW! Allow me to introduce!... THE Greatest Wrestler of ALL TIME! GORGEOUS GEORGE!!

Enter George in his most fabulous robe yet:



George is positively soaking up the vociferous boos. They are quite evidently the greatest thing he has ever heard. He holds out his arms and half-closes his eyes and nods his head as if to say "yes, this... THIS is how I should be greeted."

Once he reaches the cell he goes into a little chickenshit routine--he grabs the mesh and shakes it a little, gives it some thought, then does a "forget this" hand gesture and starts to walk away. Ali rushes over and heads him off. They argue and Ali manages to herd him into the cell. Nowinski tries to follow them in, and Ali has to herd him out. Then...

..."Schizophrenic" hits.




The crowd cheers, but their cheers are a little bit muted. They aren't sure whether to cheer this man or fear him.

He stalks to the cage and starts messing around with the climbing holes. Ali rushes out once again, and makes it clear that he's not going to put up with any crap from him, either, and that he needs to enter the cell immediately. Ali manages to corral Mankind, and he locks the door and calls for the bell.

The early going is fast-paced and strongly favors Mankind. Mankind does a lot of punching and knee-lifts, while George does a lot of running away and begging off. Then the brawl is carried outside and a drop-toehold to the steel steps starts George bleeding from the scalp. Then Mankind finds Barbie under the ring, and George begs off some more. George tries to convince Ali that this is taking things just too far, but Ali will not intervene.

George decides that discretion is the better part of valor and leads Mankind on a chase all around the ring. Mankind manages to connect on George's retreating back with the barbed wire a couple of times, so now George is bleeding from several places.

Mankind finally corners George by the exit. George covers up while Mankind swings, getting some punctures on his arms now as well. Then Nowinski tries to grab Mankind through the climbing holes. Mankind grabs back at Nowinski. Nowinski had taken off his necktie and manages to get the loop of it over Mankind's wrist, then he tightens and yanks with all of his weight behind it.

So now one of Mankind's hands is trapped in a climbing hole and George snatches away the barbed-wire bat and starts to belabor him about the head. BUT MANKIND IS NO-SELLING BARBIE!! He is glowering at George and--despite being un-mic'ed--we can hear him shouting things like, "Harder!" "Come on!" "You're a pussy, George! You swing like a girl!" and "You'll have to KILL me to stop me!"

Ali is trying to free Mankind's hand, with no success so far. Both competitors are a bloody mess, and Mankind is starting to reel and sway. Suddenly...

...Holy crap! It's "Shoot To Thrill"!


Here comes Mickie Knuckles! With her shopping cart of goodies!



Nowinski freaks out! He lets go of the tie and looks left and right for the best escape route. Reasoning that she can't climb while holding weapons, he decides to go up! BOTH George and Mankind are shouting "No, don't," but he ignores them, or perhaps can't hear them in the chaos and panic.

Mickie abandons the cart and follows him up. The three men inside the cell are completely distracted from the business at hand, as captivated as anyone else by the drama above.

Nowinksi briefly hesitates at the middle of the cell-roof, undecided as to whether to climb back down the other side or turn back and stomp Mickie's hands and prevent her from making it to the top. He decides to try to stop her, but he hesitated too long. Now these two blood-enemies are face-to-face on the ceiling of the cell!

They charge at each other and then pull each other to the ground and wrestle around furiously. After a knee to the junk, Knuckles manages to remove Nowinski's helmet, disengage from their grapple and stand up. She holds up the helmet like she is displaying a prize. Nowinski returns to his feet as well and they start exchanging punches and kicks. Knuckles is getting the better of it, just slightly, gradually backing Nowinski toward the announce-table edge of the cell.

: Commissioner, I think we should take a few steps back.

: That... would probably be prudent, yes.

Nowinski is standing right on the edge of the cell. Both George AND Mankind are shouting to Knuckles, "No! Don't!" Then she cracks Nowinski right in the skull with his own helmet with a giant discus-like backhand, and he topples and falls to the announce table.

: Oh my god! Oh my god! Someone! Send the EMTs!

Then Knuckles puts the helmet on! Raises her arms in the air! And dives off the cell to hit Nowinski with a flying headbutt to the mid-section!

: JESUS CHRIST! What NEXT? We need some help out here!

The spell that their proteges' performance had them under seems to snap, but for George a little quicker than for Mankind. He hits him with a low blow with Barbie, and then takes him down with a rollup. Ali counts: 1, 2, 3!

: My god, he DID it! Gorgeous George is victorious!

: Well good for him! More importantly, all four of these competitors are in serious need of medical attention!

The paramedics are finally running out with stretchers, while Ali raises the hand of the battered and bloody Gorgeous George and we (FINALLY!) fade to black on the Big Bang! super show.

[Batman]

: Hello. folks, Mean Gene here!

Er. I mean, Commissioner Okerlund. That's going to take some getting used to.

The Big Bang! was over five weeks ago, and we have been taking a much needed hiatus since then. But it's about time all of you great Armageddon Wrestling fans got an update on all of the aftermath and repercussions of the big supershow.

The most important thing to update you all on is the health and well being of our injured wrestlers. All four of the participants--official and unofficial--in the main-event bloodbath required hospitalization. "Gorgeous" George was the least seriously injured, requiring only a few stitches and one night's observation. Mick Foley required MANY stitches and suffered a serious concussion, but he has made a full recovery. Mickie Knuckles suffered both a cervical fracture and a concussion from her suicidal, homicidal dive from the top of the cell. She is currently recovering in a halo brace and is expected to retain full mobility once her rehab is complete. Christopher Nowinski suffered a ruptured spleen from Knuckles's insane dive, and is alive today only by the heroic efforts of Doctor Shankar, the ER surgeon that night. He is still bed-ridden, but is in stable condition and is slowly recovering.

We have more details now about our next Super-Show. It will be held in the summer of 2009, and will bear the climactic sobriquet ragnaROCK!



ragnaROCK! will be even bigger than the Big Bang!, a three-night extravaganza, with it's primary focus on the incredible Armageddon Crown Tournament! The semi-finals will be the main events of the first two nights and the finals will be the main event of night three.

The first semi-final match will pit against one another the two winners of the main events of the Big Bang!, Gorgeous George and the Big Show. The contestants in the second semi-final match will remain secret for now, but we have been given one clue... Both are legendary fighters who were already on the Armageddon Wrestling roster--not the result of soon-to-be-announced trades--but neither has yet competed in a match for Armageddon Wrestling.

Well, I think I know who one of the two is, but the other... I'm just not sure.

The winners will go on to the final in night three and will compete to win the Armageddon Crown!



This crown will be the highest honor within the Armageddon Wrestling promotion.

That leaves just one piece of news to pass on, the results of trades. But President Alderman wants to introduce Armageddon Wrestling's latest acquisitions personally, so that will have to wait until next time.

Thank you and good night!

[Chris Eco]

George v. Big Show? I'm excited. Also, glad to hear Nowinski isn't dead.

[Batman]

Re: Nowinski--

He was AT DEATH'S DOOR! All our prayer's go out to his full recovery. (So that we can have Mickie beat him up some more!)

Re: Big Show v. George--

Yeah, that's a big match. But that's just night one of ragnaROCK! Nights two and three will be even bigger, trust me.

[Batman]

Summer's here and the time is right...

...for finishing this damn thing already.

Yeesh!

[Batman]

: Normally I've stayed in the background of this promotion and let the wrestlers speak for themselves, but this once I'm breaking that self-imposed silence. Because of their losses in "loser leaves" matches we have been able to trade away Bobby Lashley and his manager Mae Young, and John Nord, in order to build a Team Minneapolis and Team Manchester more like what I originally had in mind!

One of them is a man I count as a personal friend, who has entertained my children at their birthday parties, one of Eddie Sharkey's great trainees, Lenny Lane!


: I... actually accept everybody's friend request on Facebook, and I've entertained a lot of people's kids at their birthday parties--please check out my website www.wrestlingparties.com --um... I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I remember you...

: Oh, and sorry about starting all those "Why Too Gay" chants at your First Ave shows.

: That was you?

: And filling out Team Minneapolis, we have another of Sharkey's trainees who has had a lot of success lately, the unimitable Shawn Daivari!

: Thank you, President Alderman. I'm glad that when people think of Minneapolis wrestling, my name is one of the ones that pops to mind. It's a really great wrestling town, and I know that there was a lot of competition for this slot, so I'm really happy to get this opportunity to just wrestle and be myself.

: Welcome to the team, both of you!

All right, now it's Manchester's turn. The man I'm introducing today as the newest member of Team Manchester is an American! He is revered as a wrestling legend in Japan! But, just like me, he trained under our captain Billy Riley in the legendary beating heart of British wrestling, the Snake Pit. The man I'm talking about SHOULD need no introduction, but you're all morons with no sense of history, so I'll introduce him anyway: The God of Pro-Wrestling, Karl Gotch!

:

Thank you for that kind introduction, Mister Robinson. Although I am an American by birth and have lived most of my life and professional career in Japan, I still have a soft spot in my heart for Manchester for the great training I received there from Mister Riley. I look forward to helping you defend the Manchester Cup at the RagnaROCK! supercard.

: Thanks, everybody, that's it for tonight, more announcements will follow soon!

[Batman]

: Well, just because I've been stripped of my Commissionership doesn't mean that I'm done with making damned announcements. First, although a few wrestlers have already been traded away due to losing "Loser Leaves" matches, there are a few more wrestlers and teams that are going to be dropped simply because we have no plans for them at RagnaROCK! and we have decided to streamline.

Armageddon Wrestling would like to wish Danny Hodge and Farmer Burns well in their future endeavors. We had to let them go because they were just killing everyone... WITH BOREDOM! I could have told you that, Alderman!

Armageddon Wrestling would also like to wish... HEY! The Wild Samoans, also known as Excessive Force?! What do you mean you don't have any plans for them, they're my BODYGUARDS?! I NEED them!

Damn it!

Finally, I, Eric Bischoff, and Antonio Inoki will compete in a Taekwondo spar under World Taekwondo Federation rules at Night One of RagnaROCK! Again: damn it!

There will be three rounds, each two minutes long, with one minute rest periods between them. Points will be awarded by four corner judges. Two judges will be chosen by each competitor! (I LIKE that rule!)

Whoever has the most points after three rounds will be declared the winner. In the event of a tie, there will be a fourth sudden-death round. The spar can also be won by... [gulp]... knockout.

Damn it!

[Batman]

: We're gathered here today to find out about the matches we're going to be booked in at the ragnaROCK! supershow. I think I can mostly guess just based on who is present. I imagine that the so-called Champions of Justice want a piece of my Shadow Brothers, and that Mankind wants to match his savagery against that of my Savage Brothers . The only thing I can't figure out is...Where is your protege, Mickie Knuckles? Or do you want a handicap match? You are a main-eventer after all...

: _{you couldn't be more WRONG, Rand.}

: Y'see, "your" teams came to Commissioner Okerlund because they had a problem.

: _{TWO problems.}

: They don't loik each other...

The Shadow Bros shake their heads, the Savage Bros snarl and grimace.

...and they don't loik your leadership. So they are going to have a match against each other. A Mexican Trios match. The Shadow Brothers have chosen ME to lead their trio, while the Savage Brothers have chosen the most savage brute they could find in Mankind to lead them. At ragnaROCK! it will be Ninjas...

: _{versus MONSTERS!}

: ...while you will stand alone, against...

: Yo!... Y tu! Mano a mano!

: ...

[Batman]

: Santo!! You've got the wool pulled over everybody's eyes, Santo! You've got the wool pulled over the eyes of my partner, Eddy! NOBODY can believe that the SAINT could ever do anybody dirty. But I know! I know that YOU were the one that tried to frame me for turning on my partner and costing him his match with Sasuke. And you're STILL trying to convince him! You've been planting Santo masks in my gear haven't you?

There's been a lot of deliberation about what kind of a match we should have at this Summer's supercard. Should it be one-on-one? Or the Terror Two against the Atomic Pair? It would be a classic--two of the greatest tag teams of all time facing off for the first time ever. But Eddy and Gory--your partner and mine--they're blood! They've got no heat with each other! So why drag them into a fight that's between YOU!... and ME!

So we're going to meet in a BRAND NEW match concept that's the best of both worlds. It's called a Ladder Lockup match. Eddy and Gory will each be in cells supended high above opposite sides of the ring. Keys to these two cells will be suspended high above the middle of the ring. The match is won by pinfall or submission. But if you free your partner, the match becomes a handicap match. If both partners are freed, it becomes a tag-team match.

Ladders can be used to climb or as weapons. So, watch out, Santo! Because ragnaROCK! means... the end is near!

[Batman]

: Welcome to the 2009 edition of the Last Word, wrestling fans! In one short hour, Armageddon Wrestling's huge climactic event, ragnaROCK! will begin. But first, let's hear what tonight's competitors have to say on this, their eve of destruction. First up, Team Minneapolis!

: You think you've faced Team Minneapolis. Faced us, beat us, shut us out. But did they ever face us, Lenny? Did we ever face them?

: Face them? Hell, I've never even MET these guys.

: But they beat SOMEBODY going by the monicker of "Team Minneapolis," it must have been the cream of the crop of all of those champions Sharkey trained, right?

: Nahh. It was just John Nord. I think all of Sharkey's good trainees, including us, got snatched by other promotions.

: But THIS year, you're not facing John Nord. You're facing US. We're smart, we're fast, we're athletic, we're technicians...

: ...and we fight dirty as hell.

: And, as has become something of a tradition for them, Team Manchester has chosen NOT to submit a tape to The Last Word.

[Batman]

: Now, speaking for the, um, Ninjas, here is Kendo Nagasaki.

: Monsters--you can growl and snarl at us all you want, but I want you to remember one thing: still waters run deep. WE know about viciousness. WE are versant in brutality. But we also know about self-control and discipline. This is what sets us apart. This is why we will win.

: _{Ninjas! Don't you think we noticed? Noticed you. Looking down your noses at us. Thinking you're better than us? But this is wrestling. You prove who's better in the center of that ring. So show us what you've got.}

[Batman]

: And now a few words from... Eric Bischoff.

Bischoff is wearing a gi and martial-arts-tournament protective gear.

: All right, Inoki! For months now, you've been pushing for this match-up--a tournament-style Taekwondo spar. You thought I was ducking you. You thought I was running scared! I just had better things to do with my TIME, Inoki! But now you've got me. Now you've got the martial arts spar you've been pushing for. All I can say is, you should be careful what you wish for! Because this white boy from Pittsburgh is going to humiliate you! By beating you in the match YOU thought I was ducking, that YOU thought was in the bag! Good luck, you're going to need it!

Bischoff breaks a stack of bricks with a kick.

: Meanwhile, Puroreso legend Antonio Inoki submitted this written statement rather than a tape....

"The time has come.

Eric Bischoff, you have destroyed lives and made a mockery of sportsmanship while hiding behind bodyguards and deceitful manipulation of the rules. The time has come for you to pay the piper.

You have bragged of your black belt and of your martial arts prowess while hiding behind a wall of nWo bodies. The time has come for you to put your body where your mouth is.

Eric Bischoff, the time has come!"

[Batman]

: The two participants in tonight's Lock-up Ladder match--the Love Machine Art Barr and el Santo Enmascerado de Plata--both say that they have no further words for each other.

But their respective partners--Eddy Guerrero and his father Gory Guerrero--who will hang in cells high above the stadium during tonight's match, submitted this tape:

: Santo. Art. The two of you have a match tonight. That's great. It should be a barnburner. But what it shouldn't be?--is a grudge match. Art--I know you believe that Santo is trying to frame you, but believe me, it just isn't in his character. It MUST be someone else. And Santo: I know that Art attacked you and cost you your match, but it was all a misunderstanding. I hope that the two of you can put all of that behind you and shake hands and have a clean match of respect.

: Son, sometimes when two good men have a disagreement, there's nothing else for it but to let them fight it out. I agree that neither man is guilty, but they are both guilty of thinking the worst of each other. Agree with him or not, if my partner frees me from my cell, I will fight by his side. Can you say the same, son?

: ...

I hate to gang up on Santo for no good reason, but I'll abide by the rules of this type of match and fight alongside my partner.

[Batman]

: And now it is truly time for the last word--the last words from the competitors in tonight's main event. First, the Human Orchid, Gorgeous George:

: I... am the greatest wrestler... of ALL TIME. It has been over a year since I was drafted to this promotion. In that time I have NOT ONCE been called upon to engage in a WRESTLING match with a fellow WRESTLER! No, I have been subjected to gimmick spectacles competing against SIDESHOW FREAKS! Last summer, it was the wild man, and tonight I will face up to a pituitary abnormality. All I can do is pray... BESEECH that once I dispatch yet another carnival reject, that I finally be granted a match against SOMEONE... a competitor distinguished by skill and class. I thank you.

: And finally, a few words from the Big Show.

: Pituitary. Freak.

Don't think I haven't heard you talking about me, George. Jealous because I was drafted before you. I think that even you should realize by now that it's a miracle you were drafted at all, much less in the fourth round.

Sure, I heard you. But I didn't address it. I had more pressing matters to deal with. I had bigger fish to fry. You didn't look MAN enough to help further my quest to PROVE that I'm the greatest wrestler ever.

But since then I keep hearing things. How you claim to be the greatest wrestler of all time. About your legendary win-loss record. How--even if only through your showmanship--you inspired legends like Ali and Bob Dylan.

And then a miracle happened: somehow you came out the winner against Mankind inside Hell in a Cell. I don't know how you managed that, I don't know what kind of real competition you'll put up, but I've got to THANK you for at least managing to LOOK like a serious obstacle to me. Defeating you will be quite a feather in my cap on my way to proving that I'M the greatest wrestler ever and capturing MY Armageddon Crown!


: And here's the press release for Night One of ragnaROCK!

PRESENTS!...

At the Theatre of Dreams...

...the Historic Old Trafford Stadium in Manchester, England!

The Super-Show SO Climactic we HAD to call it...


On three big nights--Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night of Memorial Day weekend 2009!

Big Show? Or Gorgeous George?
vs. w/
Big Show vs. "Gorgeous" George w/ Chris Nowinski
WHO Will Advance in their Quest for...?


Who ATTACKED Black Tiger wearing a Santo Mask?
Can a FIGHT between Love Machine and Santo bring out the TRUTH?
w/ vs. w/
El Santo Enmascerado de Plata w/ Gory Guerrero vs. The Gringo Love Machine w/ Eddy Guerrero
In a Lockup-Ladder Match where the Competitors' partners can join the fight if unlocked from their cells hanging from the ceiling.

WHO Will EAT their WORDS?
vs. w/
Antonio Inoki vs. Eric Bischoff w/ the nWo
Tournament-style Taekwando spar with two corner-judges chosen by each competitor.

Ninjas?... or MONSTERS?!
(...really?!)
& vs. &
The Ninjas (Kendo Nagasaki & the Shadow Bros.) vs. the Monsters (Mankind & the Savage Bros.)
Mexican-Style Trios Match.

Manchester or Minneapolis?
AGAIN!
w/ vs. w/
Billy Robinson & Karl Gotch w/ Billy Riley representing Manchester vs. Shawn Daivari & Lenny Lane w/ Eddie Sharkey representing Minneapolis
World's Capital of Wrestling Cup First Round
Trainers' Tag match with no disqualification for the corner-men getting involved as long as they don't enter the ring.

AND ALL THAT'S JUST NIGHT ONE!!!!
Full Cards for Nights Two and Three are not yet available...
...BUT Will AT LEAST include:

A Mystery Match in Night Two in the Armageddon Crown Tourney!
And in Night Three the winner of Show v. George will face the Winner of the Mystery Match...
...To Finally Claim the MOST Prestigious Prize in Wrestling...


ALSO! The RETURN of the MILLION-DOLLAR LADDER MATCH!
WHO Will get to compete for up to a MILLION Dollars?

AND!
Mil Máscaras and John Rand Will Finally Settle it ALL!
vs.

Also Scheduled to Appear...

Mickie Knuckles, the Rock & Roll Express, Crusher & Bruiser, and the Gold Dust Trio

[Batman]

"Highway to Hell"


: And now, wrestling fans, the time for talk has ended and the time for action has begun. Thank you for joining us at night one of ragnaROCK! here at the historic Old Traffords stadium in Manchester, England. And a big thank you to AC/DC for providing our theme song on a long weekend that may very well be a "highway to hell" for some of our competitors!

But before we begin, I am very proud to introduce my color commentator for the evening--the Greatest of All Time, Muhammad Ali!

Ali Bomba Ya plays.



Ali enters wearing a sharp business suit and takes a seat beside Okerlund.

: I'm so proud to have you here as my broadcast partner tonight!

: I'm happy to be here, Gene, and I've got two good reasons for that. One: I am a Renaissance Man, Gene, a man of many talents. I'm happy that our employer is aware of that, and is availing himself of my prodigious verbal abilities. Secondly: This should be one whopper of a show tonight, so I am enthused at having scored such a fine ringside seat!

: And the Mancusians filling this stadium seem to agree with you, Mister Ali. The atmosphere is just electric with anticipation.

: Yes it is, but I can't tell if they're more excited for the numerous main-event-worthy matches we have coming up later tonight? Or their hometown heroes defending the Manchester Cup in the opening bout?

: That's a good question Mister Ali. And that match is NEXT!

[Batman]

All right, I've got to finish this over the weekend, so time to put it into fast-forward.

Team Manchester vs. Team Mpls
Corner-Man Tag-Team Match

The hometown crowd goes positively insane for the local heroes. Manchester has more power and technical skill, while Minneapolis has cleverness, dirty tactics, and seamless teamwork. At the finish, Sharkey distracts Robinson by attacking Riley allowing Team Mpls to double-team Gotch. Two high-impact finishers in a row and Daivari gets the pin.

[Batman]

Ninjas v. Monsters
Mexican Trio Match

The Brit crowd remembers Kendo I as a heel, so the Monsters are being cheered as the faces in this thing. (Which is pretty bewildering for Galindo and Kirchner.)

This match is both brutal and fast-paced. It wasn't announced as no-DQ, but the ref is allowing a LOT of lee-way. People aren't swinging chairs, but Kirchner brings out the tacks.

This, of course, is turned against him, as Kendo I hits him with the Kamikaze Krush INTO the tacks for the pin.

The Mancusians are not Mexican and know nothing about the rules of a trios match, so they are very confused that this is NOT the end. The match can only be won if you pin the captain or BOTH of the other members of the opposing team.

After much tagging in and out and teases, it's finally captain vs. captain, an epic confrontation between Mankind and Kendo I.

Kendo I puts up a hell of a fight, but Mankind finally traps him with the mandible claw (no "socko") and makes him tap.

As Kendo I is a captain, this wins the match for the Monsters. The Mancusians are confused, but happy.

[Batman]

Eric Bischoff v. Antonio Inoki
Tournament-style Taekwando Spar

Bischoff enters accompanied by Sasuke and Mr. Black Jack. Obviously, his minions are his choices as corner-judges. Inoki enters and it is announced that he has chosen a member of Team Manchester, the Japanese God of Wrestling Karl Gotch, as his first corner-judge. Obviously, this decision is very popular with the crowd. The other is... the Greatest of All Time, our color commentator, Muhammad Ali!

In the first round, Bischoff is getting his ass kicked, but through the dishonesty of his corner-judges, the two competitors remain neck-and-neck on points, and Bischoff manags to avoid a knockout blow until he's saved by the bell.

During the rest-break, Bischoff's corner is deep in consultation. Bischoff clearly has a plan. Did he just pass an international object to Black Jack?

The bell rings for the second round, and Bischoff and Inoki circle. Black Jack puts on brass-knuckles and makes a gesture indicating the plan to Sasuke, evidently Sasuke is supposed to distract the ref and Ali and Gotch, while Jack knocks out Inoki.

But let's not forget that Jack is sick of being a heel and takes this opportunity to turn on the nWo, knocking out Sasuke instead of Inoki. This distracts Bischoff for a moment, and he fails to duck and takes a front kick right to the face, knocking him out. Bischoff finally gets his comeuppance, while the nWo implodes!

[Batman]

Santo, el enmasceradlo de plato vs. the Gringol Love Machine Art Barr
Lock-up Ladder Match with the keys and cells holding their partners hanging high above the ring.

The Guerreros enter and are locked into cells on each side of the ring. The cells are raised and then the keys are raised above the center of the ring.

Barr enters to boos, then Santo to a big ovation. Since Santo is a legend, you would expect him to run circles around Barr, but Barr is hanging with him toe-to-toe. Barr seems more comfortable and inventive with ladder-assisted offense.

Then he hits a big ladder-assisted spot, and Santol is out. Rather than going for a cover, he goes for the keys. He sets up three ladders, uses one to get the keys, then steps across on ladder-tops to Eddy's cell and unlocks him.

Barr clearly has some ideas for double-team ladder-assisted spots, and tries to direct traffic, but Eddy is resistant.

"You've got him down for the count, just pin him." They get in each-other's faces to have a heated debate. Meanwhile, Santo crawls over to the keys laying forgotten on the mat, and THROWS them up to his partner, Gory.

Reaching through the bars, Gory unlocks his cell and leaps down, HITTING HIS PARTNER SANTO WITH THE FROG SPLASH!

"IT WAS ME! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG!"

[Batman]

And finally! The main event of Night One! The Big Show v. Gorgeous George!

The first part of the match is all George begging off and running away. Then George manages to distract the ref for long enough for Nowinski to hit him with a vicious helmet shot to the head. Now the giant is bleeding and George tries to take advantage. He gets a lot of offense in--working on his knees trying to chop down that tree-- but it seems to only be making the big man angry.

Now the match moves to the Big Show's momentum. But he can't seem to quite keep George down for three. Then the ref takes a bump. Things are going to get interesting now!

Show decides that since George has been more resilient than expected, he should do something big to take him out for good. He climbs up to the second rope and sets up to choke-slam George to the outside! But then Nowinski takes advantage of the official's incapacitation to crack him in the knee with a bat. As Show starts to buckle, Nowinski tosses the bat up to George, who cracks him in the head with it as well. Show is knocked out and falls flat on his back to the mat, with George falling on top of him. Nowinski revives the ref just in time to count to three. George wins in the main event by the skin of his teeth yet again!

And then we hear an announcement of tomorrow night's main event--two legends who have yet to have a match in Armageddon Wrestling will compete to face George for the Armageddon Crown in Night Three. The first is the Greatest, Muhammad Ali. He stands to accept his ovation at the announce table. The other is... the sound of a car crash is heard, and CACTUS JACK appears at the top of the ramp. No matter how it goes in the semi-finals, George will have his hands full to try to win the Armageddon Crown!

[Batman]

The opening match of Night Two is a captains' match between Manchester and Minneapolis. In case you forgot, a Captains' Match is like a Hurricane Match, but only the captain of the team can be pinned. With six men fighting at the same time this is naturally wild and wooly. It ends with Gotch getting his revenge for the previous night by pinning Sharkey in the middle of the ring.

[Batman]

The second match is a rematch from last year. Once again Crusher & Bruiser, the Rock & Roll Express, and the Gold Dust Trio get to fight it out over money-- but this time in a MILLION DOLLAR LADDER MATCH!!

After several minutes of back and forth, Crusher & Bruiser get the advantage and beat their opponents senseless long enough to retrieve one of the briefcases. There's five grand inside. They get on the mic (alternating sentences)

"Five k would buy a lot of beer...
But we haven't worked up a sweat yet...
And there's bound to be more in one of those other cases...
Restart the match!"

They aren't able to hold onto their momentum, though, and the Gold Dusts take a briefcase down next. However, the one they've chosen is COMPLETELY EMPTY!

By this point in the match, the conditioning, agility, and teamwork of the RRX begins to come into play. After a spectacular ladder spot that lays out their opponents, they retrieve a case. This one has 12k in it. The RRX are no fools--they'll take it, and the match!

[Batman]

Quick results on the next 2--

Mister Black Jack vs. The Great Sasuke
Sorry, I have no interest in writing a detailed report of this match. Suffice it to say that they're both incredibly talented legends and they put on a clinic. Jack pulls out the win, leading to Bischoff pulling out his own hair at this ignominous end for his new nWo and his last chance for revenge or some kind of moral victory slipping through his fingers.

Knuckles vs. Nowinski
Helmet Match w/ Big Show as Special Guest Referee

Nowinski and George put up a fit over Big Show's obvious bias. However, he calls the match right down the middle. The only thing he does for Knuckles is to utterly nullify the threat of George leaving his seat at color and getting involved. (Forgot to mention, George is on color tonight.)

Knuckles beats Nowinski from pillar to post, rarely losing momentum even momentarily. After she finally works out all her rage and takes the three-count, Big Show choke-slams him for good measure.