[Jack Quinn]

OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Special
Live! From Dayton, Ohio

WAR GAMES - For Control of the OOWF[/u]
Team Rick vs. Bennett’s Army (Eric O'Mac, Chris Cole, Attitude Adjuster, Ryan Hardcore)

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
LD Williams vs. Davin Moreland

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
DH Magnusson vs. Spin Hansen

OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Gods & Monsters vs. Dead & Blitz

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Seamus McNasty vs. Tyson Kincaid

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Cage Match – Insane Homeless Bunny’s LAST Chance[/u]
IHOP & The Amnesiac vs. Insane Homeless Bunny

Three Stages of Hell – Submission Match, Fans Bring the Weapons Match, Stygian Cage Match[/u]
Moosehead Jack vs. Concrete TG

Leather Strap Match[/u]
Attitude Adjuster vs. Stank

All Or Nothing – Money vs. Career[/u]
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III vs. Ryan Hardcore

Damon Wrath vs. ZK DeBeers vs. Apocalyptic Existence

Card subject to……nothing, its already done

[Concrete TG]

(CTG is WATCHING~! the 9/24 episode of Mayhem as SFJ #52 enters)

SFJ#52: Concrete, soon you'll be facing Moosehead JAck in a 3 stages to hell match. This isn't your standard match, of course, and something you've not done in a long long time.

CTG: (pauses the episode) But you realize that there was a time where Moosehead Jack and I faced each other in dangerous, weapon-filled and blood-smearing affairs. Many think that I am playing into Moosehead JAck's hands this way. I'm afraid they don't understand my motivations here.

SFJ#52: and what would these motivations be?

CTG: For four years, Moose and I have locked horns on and off for supremacy -or in hopes of sending the other away from this federation. Moose almost succeeded a couple of times, but in his last attempt - when I went to WWE - he failed by yanking me back here.

He could have had this whole company in the palm of his hand. He could have done a lot more damage without me here. (faint smirk) he missed me, it seems.

I had to make sure that what we did would end our personal war - and, in the grand scheme of things, perhaps end the war between Team Rick and Team Bennett. Moose has fought me in all manner of matches and neither one of us has backed down.

There is one man who understands, indirectly, how important this could be.

(CTG recues the broadcast)

Eric glares up the aisle as Outback Jack enters and the crowd erupts. Jack is sans both Wally B King and Beer, and as the camera zooms in we can see why. Outback Jack isn’t behind those eyes, Jack of the Hinterlands is.

SFJ#52: (puzzled)

CTG: Our jovial Australian reached back for his inner monster and brought it forward against Eric O'Mac.

SFJ#52: but I don't -

CTG: You're not a wrestler, and might not understand the different mindsets when it comes to matches. What I will be doing may not be typical of myself... it might not be heroic.... it might not be what fans expect of me.... but it IS necessary.

(CTG reaches into his bag and pulls out his superhero mask and a red Sharpie)

CTG: I have to bring everything to bear - leave nothing behind.... the smallest sign of weakness will be exploited.

(CTG Takes the sharpie and draws an inverted anarchy symbol on the mask - the symbol of San Chaos)

SFJ#52: (realizes what that is, eyes widen)

CTG: Remember when people were saying there are things that people are pushed to in a time of war? Moose pushed me, and I am there. Pray for him.

(CTG stands, puts the mask on, then proceeds to demolish the tv set with his bare hands. The SFJ and the Ninja Cameraman flee the locker room)

[Spinch]

(After last week's Mayhem...)

Spin Hansen: Congrats on the win, Mags. I'm proud as hell of you. You-- you alone-- have gone through hell and back to get the championship, beating two of the biggest competitors out there to get the gold. How does it feel to hold your first singles gold?

D.H. Magnusson: It feels great. I proved th' bastards wrong. It don't take money, or girls, or anythin' like that to be champ. It takes guts. Speakin' of which, you didn't do half bad against Kincaid.

SH: It was a hard fight. I just wish that he would've been at 100% when I took him on. I know that his mind is elsewhere... but then again, you probably know more about that shit than I do.

DHM: Naah. Fire's been a little tight-lipped on the whole history thing.

SH: So.

DHM: So. Are we gonna dance around the obvious all night, or are we gonna talk about the PPV sometime before the match?

SH: Not a lot to say. You're one of my best friends, and to be honest you're a better man than I am. You didn't make the mistakes that I did, and you've got a championship that I've never had around your waist. Don't think that means that I'm not going to throw everything that I have and more at you though.

DHM: An' don't think that I'm not gonna do the same.

(They bump fists.)

SH: So are the Sons still a team?

DHM: The Sons'll never set. Count on that.

SH: So how 'bout a celebratory beer?

(The two walk toward the Destroyitarium...)

[Eric O'Mac]

*Fade in*

*We see a dark room and Eric O'Mac sitting behind a desk. There are three dark shadows standing behind him, but we can't see who they are. Eric has a few visible bruises on his face.*

Eric: It was Bertrand Russell who said "War doesn't determine who is right...only who is left."

Words have never been truer at this time in the OOWF. You see, at this point, it doesn't matter why we're fighting, it doesn't matter who is right, all that matters is that there is going to be one final battle to determine if The Rick gets to continue being an incompetant fucktard or if he finally gets sent home.

When I think about war, I think about how it started. I think it went a little something like this...


************Flashback************

*We see all of the OOWF members wearing suits in a courthouse type setting. GM the Rick stands in front of a podium, Eric O'Mac stands in front of another podium, and the rest of the OOWF members are sitting.*

Rick: There is no good reason to go to war!

Eric: Well, that may be. But you are all forgetting that who ever doesn't want to go to war...is gay.

*Hushed words*

Rick: I want to go to war.

Davin: I want to go to war.

Moose: I want to go to war.

*Everyone starts talking about how they want to go to war, when Stank stands up and yells:*

Stank: I WAS THE FIRST ONE WHO WANTED TO GO TO WAR!

************End Flashback************

Eric: And it evolved from there. We had people who know how biased Rick is support him, despite LJ Bennett never doing anything wrong. We've had people plan on joining this war and then pussying out because the war was going too far.

It all ends Sunday.

And people have said "Eric, you are going crazy" or "Eric, you've lost your mind!" Believe me when I say that I would rather die than to work for GM The Rick ever again.

We all know my beef with Scaia. I think he's a little bulldog who says all the right things, tries to look tough, tries to be an authority figure, but at the end of the day, he's the same rat bastard who gives his favorites a pass and holds back the ones who deserve it.

So, I've assemebled a team. Now, first of all, Moose, who was one of my original choices, is kind of busy. Same with LD Williams. But even in their absence, I've still assembled a great team. A team of former champions. This isn't just any team. This is my team.

*The light comes on and Chris Cole, Attitude Adjuster, and Ryan Hardcore step forward, all wearing camoflauge.*

Eric: We have Lt. Chris Cole, Sgt. Alan Capps, and Private Ryan Hardcore.

And as for me? You can call me the General of this wrecking crew.

So, Stank can name his team, but the bottom line is that it's not going to matter.

My army is going to win war games and send Rick out of here...or we're going to die trying.

Don't like it?

Ask me if I give a fuck.

*Fade out as all the Bennett's Army grin.*

[Road Warrior Shark]

From The OOWF Interview Set, we see the World Tag Team Champions, drinking from Aquafina bottles & standing alongside a Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalist.

RNSFJ: This Sunday, you face a triple threat match for the Tag Team belts

Lucios: CHAMPIONSHIPS!

RNSFJ: Sorry. You face Gods and monsters & The Dead and Blitz. Poe and Tytan have had a lot to say to you lately. You really haven’t responsded

Phantos: Listen toots, We don’t have to come out and say something Every Time those two morons spout off from the mouth. This isn’t elementary school. We don’t have to get in the last word. We Will get in the last laugh Sunday as we walk out of Dayton as The World Tag Team Champions.

Lucios: You can mock our sponsorships. We like the money we get paid. But do we Need it? No. (Hurls the bottle across the room for emphasis)
You say we haven’t proven anything until we face you. WHAT HAVE YOU ACCOMPLISHED? Nothing. You haven’t earned the gravitas to make such claims. Until you prove you Measure Up to the Greatest Tag Team in OOWF History do like your friends Blitz & Dead have been doing, Shut Your Traps

Phantos: We put away IHOP. We have demoralized Hardcore & MacCappington. We ended The Heels, The BFF, The Sons, The Defenstrators and everyone else we have tangled with. And Come Sunday, when we get our hands raised in victory, the Entire OOWF will know recognize WE ARE THE DIVISION KILLERS

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is DRIVING~!...actually...he's riding shotgun. Samantha Darling is DRIVING~! Davin's Camry to Dayton*

SD: Why didn't we take the plane?

DM: You could have taken the plane.

SD: You're in no condition to drive.

DM: Please. I've been far worse off than this and still driven this thing.

SD: Why do you still have this piece of shit anyway? It's from last century.

DM: It's a 99, and it's fine. Hell, I can still get another couple hundred thousand miles out of it.

SD: You know you should be driving a better car.

DM: Why?

SD: Because go fuck yourself, that's why?

DM: Nice. Seriously though. This car is perfectly fine.

SD: You're a rich man. You should act like it.

DM: You don't know how rich I am. I could be barely surviving on my OOWF salary for all you know.

SD: Hi. I'm a Darling. Have we met? You think I haven't done a background check on you?

DM: Ah yes. I should have known. However, I have to wonder why you would go through all that trouble to find out info on someone who works with your brother?

SD:...You got screwed in that match.

DM: Maybe. Can't blame it on that.

SD: Bullshit you can't. That Creech is a scumbag. Fast-counting you. What a joke.

DM: LD beat me, Sam. Let it go.

SD: NO! Davin, you DON'T let something like this go. You can't have Creech cost you another title!

DM: He didn't cost me the title.

SD: Fine. Fine. Well, he certainly didn't help.

DM: I'll grant you that. Well? I have an idea.

*Davin pulls out his Sprint PCS phone and goes through the contact list until he finds what he's looking for. He presses a couple of buttons and puts the pone to his ear*

DM: Hi, it's Davin don't hang up...fine...oh, nice to talk to you too; you don't have to be an ass...fine...I have everyone's number...will you just fucking listen to me for two seconds? I want a different ref...no, fucko I am NOT blaming the ref...all I've done is ballwash you this entire promo...I just don't want there to be a chance that the ref can decide it, it's likely the last time I'll get a shot for a while...Fine....Who me? Why not Glaw? *laughing on the other end* I was just kidding....what about......Hightower? Fine with you? Great, I'll tell Rick when I get to Dayton...Y'know, YOU better fucking rest up. Seriously, I'm trying to be nice here and you're just being a fuckhead...whatever...so Hightower? Great...

*Davin snaps the phone closed*

DM: See?

SD: I'm genuinely impressed.

DM: You should be.

*They pull into the parking lot near the DEA Locker Room and Suites Presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels, and Davin spots a car in the parking lot*

DM: Cool. My Mom's here.

SD: Your...wait, what?

DM: Yeah, you get to meet my Mom in about 10 seconds. She drove out here for Hell On Earth IV.

SD: Oh, listen, I'm not ready to meet, I mean, I have something else to do or something...

*Samantha turns to head back to the car, Davin puts a hand on her shoulder*

DM: You're nervous. How charming.

SD: Fuck you.

DM: Such a mouth you Darlings have.

SD: Seriously, find a bus, jump in front of it, die.

DM: That sounds familiar.

SD: You're really going to make me do this?

DM: You'll like her. Everyone does. Why are you so damned nervous anyway? She's probably in there making cookies for Lucios and P-Dawg right now.

SD: *looks at Davin like he has three heads, as if no one on the planet could possibly be this oblivious* You're serious.

DM: C'mon.

*fade*

[Fire-Babe]

In the trainers' room backstage, several wrestlers are getting looked at. Firewoman is getting her ribs taped from her most excellent Firesault off the top of the ladder.

FW: OUCH!! Dammit, watch what you are doing!

Trainer: Geez, you're a pain in the butt when you're hurt.

Lucky: Hurt? How badly?

Trainer: Just bruised. The tape is a precaution.

FW: Good, cos I don't have time for this.

Lucky: Sure you do. You aren't even listed on the card for the PPV.

FW: You know, normally I'd be pissed about that, and maybe a little later I will be. But I got a lot to deal with.

Lucky helps Firewoman off the table and the two make their way out to the hallway

FW: Hopefully, I've got Attitude Adjuster off my case now, but who knows? I got Poe turning his attention my way again, and don't think I don't see you following me there, Selena!

Firewoman and Lucky turn around as she shouts these last words, and Selena ducks behind a corner.

FW: I got information about Eric O' Mac burning a hole in my pocket. Then I got Tyson Kincaid and his delusional ramblings... Plus I got Moose breathing down my neck...

The two turn the corner from the Hallway of Setting up Plot Points, to the Hallway of Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalists.

SFJ#3: Firewoman congratulations on your win over Attitude Adjuster. All of us girls in--

FW: First off, you're a grown woman. Stop calling yourself "girl." Secondly, if you grew some backbone of your own, men like Attitude Adjuster wouldn't be able to walk all over you.

SFJ#3: Oh....huh?

FW: Is that it? I have some phone calls to make.

SFJ#3: Um, no... I wanted to get your response to Tyson Kincaid's statements before Mayhem this evening.

FW: I figured.

SFJ#3: You two had some sort of....relationship?

FW: I already told one of your colleagues. We were a tag team while we were training with Storm, and a damn good one. That's it.

SFJ#3: But the party he spoke of? He seems to indicate you were at the very least friends, and at most....

FW: Give me that. [Firewoman roughly takes the mic from SFJ#3].

Tyson...you want to open old history? Go right ahead. The truth? It isn't that no one at SWA knew where I went. It's that they didn't want to tell you. My god, you were barely holding it together as it was. We were the most successful either of us had ever been, and you were still a mess. I don't owe you any more explanation than that.

She shoves the mic back at the micstand. She and Lucky continue heading back towards the Run-DEA Suites sponsored by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels, turning from the Hallway of Randomly Numbered Sexy Female Journalists to the Hallway of Finishing Up Plot Points Before She Goes On Vacation.

MHJ: Fire.

FW: Moose. [Lucky instinctively puts a hand on Firewoman's shoulder.]

MHJ: That won't be necessary, Lucky. Fire and I are going to be partners.

Lucky: What?

MHJ: Don't you watch OOWF-TV? We're teaming up for the Invitational Tag Team competition.

Lucky: Please tell me he's joking.

FW: He's not joking, but he's not telling the truth either. Moose, I don't know how many times, in how many ways, and in how many venues I have to say it. I'll say it in message boards, IMs, and chat rooms. [Kayfabe peeks around a corner.] I am not teaming with you.

MHJ: Yet. *wink*

FW: No...I'd sooner team with that heroic freak, Concrete.

CTG: Really? That's fantastic! Citizen Fire, you have made a wise decision.

Firewoman turns around to see Concrete standing there, pleased with this new turn of events. She looks at Lucky and then at Moose, who also appears amused.

FW: No... uh...that's not what I meant....

CTG: I'll go inform Rick of this right away. Our team will be unstoppable!

Crete speeds back down the hall towards GMtheRick's office. Moosehead Jack laughs hysterically.

MHJ: The best part of this? I wasn't going to team with you anyway!

He walks away laughing. Firewoman glares in his general direction, then looks at Lucky, totally speechless.

Lucky: Well?

FW: Fuck.

[blownspot]

<OOWF LOGO in the back. Scheme Gene with the mic.>

Scheme Gene – My My My! THREE days and counting! Stank, Hell on Earth 4... it has been a long and windy road as the Beetles put it so aptly in song that leads you to this Leather Strap match. Your comments?

Stank - Well you KNOW something SCHEME GENE, it has been a long road brother, but I can promise ya it all stops here man. All those Stankamaniacs, they're ready for a new start in the new year and this LEATHER STRAP match is a DEAD END for Mr. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER, brother!

Scheme Gene - Alright, as we head into 2009, Stank last year you established yourself as the best wrestler over the majority of your competition. Why didn't you settle this feud with Attitude earlier?

Stank - Scheme Gene, the leather strap match is the most brutal match of human competition, at least when that competition is ME. It is the last resort man, as Attitude Adjuster is about to find out. He can't out PROMO me and better still he can't out WRESTLE me, BROTHER!

Scheme Gene – On to other matters, who have you picked to fight with you in the War Games match?

Stank – Well it's NO secret who I will go to WAR with, is it Scheme? Some of us will be pulling double duty at HELL ON EARTH 4 LIVE in DAYTON OHIO (Cheap Pop!) and I can think of no team BETTER to pull this off than Outback Jack, Spin Hansen, The NEW Intercontinental CHAMPION DH Magnusson and yours truly... we are DRINK & DESTROY... and WHATCHA GONNA DO? WHATCHA GONNA DO team Bennett when The GREATEST FACTION in the OOWF runs WILD on YOUUUUUUUU?

Scheme Gene - I thank you very much Stank. I gotta believe we're part of history in the making, back to you Russ!

[blownspot]

<Stank has just concluded his interview when he is confronted by Alexander Darling!>

AD - Stank DON'T shut me out of this match, man!

Stank - Alex your shoulder is

AD - FUCK my SHOULDER I want in!

Stank - Alex

AD - Please...

Stank - ... let me think about it.

<Stank continues down the hall toward the Destroyitarium.>

[Demko]

We catch up with all five members of IHOP, in front of the entrance to King's Island in Cincinnati, OH. Strangely, there doesn't appear to be any other park patrons around.

Skurge is holding a park map, completely unfolded, in front of his face. SYB is looking over his shoulder. Fezzik is staring at the sun. SYB, Skurge and Amnesiac are wearing their Chimpanzee Tricycle gold belts, cumbersome as they are. The Lovely & Talented Dorothy Mantooth and The Amnesiac are having a discussion.

Amn: And that's why chilled monkey brains, although popular in Cantonese cuisine, will never end up on my plate.
TLTDM: Yes, that does sound disgusting.

Skurge points at the map, excitedly.

Skurge: We need to go on the Firehawk first!

SYB: Like Fezzik will fit on that.

Skurge: Like Fezzik will fit on ANY ride in this park.

Amn: Well, we've gotta try... otherwise, this big fella's gonna be awfully grumpy.

The Amnesiac gives Fezzik a playful punch on the shoulder. Fezzik comes back from la-la land, and returns the gesture, knocking The Amnesiac to the ground about 10 feet away. SYB laughs.

TLTDM: Why are we even here? Shouldn't you guys be training for your PPV match on Sunday? It IS Insane Homeless Bunny's last chance.

SYB: Well, unless someone else comes up to bat against us, we're gonna be holding on to these belts for a long while.

Skurge: Yeah, and it's not like they've posed us any real threat thus far. So why not drive an hour to go to an amusement park?

Mantooth shrugs, and the five of them head towards the entrance to the park. Standing in front of them is a Doofy-Looking Security Guard.

DLSG: Sorry folks! The park's closed. The moose outside shoulda told you.

Skurge: Yeah, we saw that thing. But we drove over an hour to get here. We wanna ride some rides.

DLSG: Yeah, sorry... they're working on ride maintenance right now, so we really can't let you in.

At this point, Fezzik steps up, looking down at the Doofy-Looking Security Guard rather intimidatingly.

Fezzik: I wanna ride something!

DLSG: Fine, fine... geez... where'd you get that big bastard?

SYB: We found him out-

Skurge: OOT!

SYB: -oot in Greenland. He likes riding rollercoasters.

At this point, The Amnesiac pulls out a gun. He points it at the guard, who puts his hands up. After a few moments, however, he looks at the gun more closely.

DLSG: That's not a real gun, is it sir?

Amn: Are you kidding? This is a Magnum P.I.

DLSG: It's a BB gun!

Amn: Don't tempt me. I could poke an eye out with this thing.

DLSG: You couldn't even break the skin with that thing. Are you seriously planning on kidnapping me? Isn't this the plot to some movie or something?

Amn: Yeah, it does seem a little familiar. Anyways, let's go! Now, which way to Space Mountain?

DLSG: Uhhh... this is King's Island, not Walt Disney World.

SYB: Ok then... where can we find Shamu?

DLSG: Hmm... yeah, this isn't Sea World either.

Skurge: Millenium Force?

DLSG: Well, you're getting closer now. Cedar Point is at least IN the state of Ohio. But, still not here.

Skurge: Well what in the hell DO you have here?

DLSG: *sighs* Follow me.

The group walks off, through the entrance to the park.

*FADE*

[blownspot]

<Stank continues down the hall when he is confronted by FIREWOMAN!>

FW - I want in TOO!

Stank - Oh for chrissake!

FW - This BETTER not be about you thinking I'm not GOOD enough!

Stank - Fire...

FW - The Midnight Sons already have a match.. You've GOT to let me in!

Stank - ... let me think about it.

FW - Don't take too long.

<Stank just looks at Firewoman before walking into the Destroyitarium.>

Fade

[Riot Act]

The scene opens up immediately following Mayhem, prior to Eric O’Mac’s statement. Tyson Kincaid sits on chair in the corner of the room, unwrapping the red athletic tape from his hands following his match with Spin Hansen. Eric walks into the room as Tyson lays the final piece of tape in a ball beside him.

EOM: Congratulations!

TK: What for?

EOM: You’ve got another shot!

TK: Bullshit, Eric. I lost the match.

EOM: So, who cares? You’ve got another title opportunity and that’s all that matters.

TK: Not to me. I didn’t beat Hansen and that definitely matters.

EOM: You’re not buying into what Attitude Adjuster said, are you?

Kincaid has his head down, now working on removing his boots. He ignores Eric.

EOM: Look, maybe there is some truth to what he said. But you made the first move and gave Firewoman her ultimatum. She has seven days – in the meantime, you need to focus on Seamus McNasty and your championship match at Hell On Earth. Let the bitch come to you and don’t give her a second thought.

TK: That’s easier said than done. On the other hand, that may be the sanest thing you’ve said in a long time.

Kincaid removes his boots and stands up, turning his back to Eric to grab his gym bag.

TK: Listen, sorry I wasn’t able to be a part of War Games. You’ve been a good friend to me and Bennett has treated me well. I wish I could do my part.

EOM: That’s not a big deal. You’ll be doing your part by winning the Onslaught Championship. In the meantime, I’ve put together an unstoppable team.

As if on cue, Attitude Adjuster, Chris Cole and Ryan Hardcore walk into the room.

AA: You ready to go do this promo, Eric?

Kincaid looks up and down at Eric’s team, giving their camouflage attire a once over before turning back to Eric.

TK: So, was it your idea to dress them up like jackasses or was it a team decision?

Kincaid laughs to himself and goes back to his gym bag as the scene fades.

[Riot Act]

Later that day, the camera fades back into Tyson Kincaid’s locker room as he finishes packing up his gear and prepares to leave for Dayton. OOWF TV is on in the background and Kincaid ceases his activity as Firewoman’s earlier promo airs.

SFJ#3: Firewoman congratulations on your win over Attitude Adjuster. All of us girls in--

FW: First off, you're a grown woman. Stop calling yourself "girl." Secondly, if you grew some backbone of your own, men like Attitude Adjuster wouldn't be able to walk all over you.

SFJ#3: Oh....huh?

FW: Is that it? I have some phone calls to make.

SFJ#3: Um, no... I wanted to get your response to Tyson Kincaid's statements before Mayhem this evening.

FW: I figured.

SFJ#3: You two had some sort of....relationship?

FW: I already told one of your colleagues. We were a tag team while we were training with Storm, and a damn good one. That's it.

SFJ#3: But the party he spoke of? He seems to indicate you were at the very least friends, and at most....

FW: Give me that. [Firewoman roughly takes the mic from SFJ#3].

Tyson...you want to open old history? Go right ahead. The truth? It isn't that no one at SWA knew where I went. It's that they didn't want to tell you. My god, you were barely holding it together as it was. We were the most successful either of us had ever been, and you were still a mess. I don't owe you any more explanation than that.

Kincaid takes a moment to collect his thoughts and then, realizing the presence of the Ninja Cameraman, addresses the camera directly.

TK: Fire…

Kincaid pauses and puts his head down.

TK: … I…

Seemingly unable to find the right words, Kincaid puts his head down again and picks up his bag, hurriedly rushing out the door before the cameraman can catch up.

Fade.

[Jobber Blitz]

*Fade in to Blitz and The Dead, who are in their locker-room.*

Blitz: Tonight, at the grandson of them all, Hell on Earth IV, The Dead and Blitz will make history by winning the OOWF Tag Team Straps. Yes Lucius, I called them straps. Now people say we’re underdogs, that we should have promoed beforehand.

The Dead: Hey, I did promo. You’re the lazy bum that’s keeping this team down.

Blitz: Whatever. We’ve been training real hard for tonight, watching Rocky and stuff.

*Eye of the Tiger starts playing at full blast, and we cut to a montage of Blitz sleeping till noon, with The Dead desperately trying to wake him up to go train, Blitz playing videogames, Blitz being bounced at a bar, Blitz watching pornography on his cell phone during matches, all while The Dead looks on with a frustrated look on his face.*

B: You see, we’re the tightest team around. As tight as Firewoman’s pussy. Do you know what’s bothering me?

TD: What?

B: That last week, nobody tried to beat us up. Or even mention us. We went bowling for Chrissakes, but did they show it on OOWF TV? They sure didn’t.

TD: That’s because we both suck at bowling.

B: No, it’s because we’re not getting the proper respect we deserve. Don’t these people know who we are?

TD: They better know who The Dead are.

B: Who The Dead is, not who The Dead are.

TD: Huh?

B: Hey, it’s important to be able to speak the language correctly.

TD: Oh, so you’re a fucking Grammar Nazi.

B: And you need to stop referring to yourself in the third person. It is quite irritating.

TD: …

B: Anyway, let’s go and commit random acts of badassery to make them bitches respect us.

TD: You referred to us in the third person.

B: No I didn’t.

TD: Yes you did.

B: Did not.

TD: You said, and I quote, “Tonight, at the grandson of them all, Hell on Earth IV, The Dead and Blitz will make history by winning the OOWF Tag Team Straps.” Oh, and please don’t ever refer to them as straps again.

B: So you’re one of those fucking purists now?

TD: No, I just prefer the term Sweaterkittens.

B: WHAT!? This isn’t one of Byrne’s spotlight of the week shit, and I’m pretty sure we’re not fighting to win some Milkbags.

TD: What are milkbags?

B: You know, tits.

TD: People actually call them that?

B: Hey, you were the one that called them sweaterkittens.

TD: What’s wrong with sweaterkittens?

B: The point is that we’re fighting to win TAG TITLES, not breasts.

TD: I always thought we were fighting for tits & ass. What do you say we ditch this match tonight and go pick up a hooker?

B: But the titles are more prestigious.

TD: Would you pay $12800 for those tag titles?

B: No.

TD: But people would pay that money for Ariel. Therefore tits > wrestling.

B: Who would pay $12800 for a date with Ariel?

TD: Beats me, but who knows how much they’d pay to fuck her.

DXB: A million dollars.

B: What the fuck is he doing here?

TD: So are we in agreement Blitz, what we’re going to no-show tonight, and head down to the local brothel for some cheap ass?

B: Wait a minute. You thought we were wrestling over ‘sweaterkittens?’

TD: Yep. I always thought that we were wrestling as part of some competition over titty.

B: But that’s not what it’s about.

John Morrison: Actually, that’s what I wrestle for.

FW: Get back to my basement, you naughty boy. You and Evan will be severely punished for this.

B: …

TD: …

[Attitude Adjuster]

AA is watching Stank on OOWF-TV.

AA: That's it? That's it? Hulk Hogan? Hulk Freakin' Hogan? This is the battle of promos and the best you can give me is Hulk Hogan. Man, you're making this simple. You want me to come back wth what, Bobby Eaton?

How about this?

Ohhhh, yeahhhhhh!!!!! This is the No. 1 PROMO MAN IN THE OOWF, [whisper] Attitude Adjuster, [/whisper] and before the [barely audible mumble]greatestwrestlingaudinceintheworld, [/barely audible mumble] I'm going toe-to-toe with you Stank, OH YEAAHHHHH! I'm not only going to pin you for the one,two,three count, Iiii'mmm [/barely audible mumble] gonnaoutwrestle you too, oh yeah. [/barely audible mumble] Oh yeaaaaahhhh. Because I am [/barely audible mumble] thelordandmaster [/barely audible mumble] of the ring and you're gonna find that out RIGHT NOW!! You can't compete with me, no! History beckones Attitude Adjuster! OH YEAH!!!

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Outback Jack is getting some sutures for his latest collection of lacerations, when he notices the ninja cameraman*

OBJ: Well, Eric impressed the helll out of me in the Taipei Fence Match. He's a tough bastard. Bennett made a good choice picking him to lead his army. But I don't understand some of Eric's choices. They look more like Misfits In Action to me.

*Tylene Buck walks in*

TB: Do you think they'd give me a job? I could be Major Gunns again!

OBJ: I don't know. I'm sure Wally could find something for you to do.

*Wally B King struts in*

WBK: Funny you should mention that. I just had a call from Blitz and the Dead.

TB: Are they looking for a manager?

WBK: Not exactly.

[wld]

**SFJ#47 approaches L.D. Williams.**

SFJ#47: “L.D., this week at Hell on Earth, Davin Moreland gets what may be his last shot at your World Heavyweight Title. Your comments?”

LD: “It’s a pretty story, isn’t it? A troubled young man named Davin Moreland comes to the OOWF, but isn’t quite ready for the big time. He takes some time off, gets his act together, finds a positive influence, and comes back a conquering hero. He becomes a role model, a leader of men. Fighting through endless trials and adversity, he finally wins the big one and becomes the World Champion at the biggest pay-per-view of the year…That’s an incredible story, and Davin, I’d be honoured to be a part of it.

But I can’t.

I can’t because there’s another story…Four years ago, the first song to play over an OOWF sound system was “Jekyll and Hyde”. The first entrance, the first wrestler to step into an OOWF ring was L.D. Williams. Now, I’m sure someone will point out that I lost that night, and it’s true. I lost to the Underdawg in the first round of a tournament for the World Championship…but what a difference four years makes.
After dedicating the my life to this business, to this company, I will once again walk the aisle at Hell on Earth Sunday night, and I will do it as the Heavyweight Champion of the World.

Two great stories. Two fantastic accomplishments. But, unfortunately, both stories can’t have happy endings. In order for Davin Moreland to have his day of glory, mine has to end - and I can’t let that happen. Davin, the battle will be epic, the aftermath life-changing, but the result? That’s a certainty. I will remain the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. To quote an old friend…

Trust Me.”

[Concrete TG]

(Stank is DRINKING~! and pondering his team when someone slides him a refill from another seat)

Stank: ... is that a bribe?

CTG: Citizen Stank, I -

Stank: NO! HELL NO! You already got that Three Stages to hell match and I'm not gonna put up with your superhero crap -

CTG: I know. I'm wishing you luck. I hope that with the destruction of Moosehead Jack, Team Rick will be further inspired to victory.

(CTG Stands and walks out of the Destroyarium. Stank is just staring at his refill)

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose is sitting in the back, in a darkened locker room under single bulb, OLD SCHOOL>

In just over a month, it will be five years since the first time we faced one another one on one Crete. You remember that match don't you? November 11, 2004, Apocalypse W. I won that match after you resorted to hitting me with a low blow. Seems funny when you think about it, in our first match, I get the win because you cheat.

And now, here we are. All these years later. Countless battles, broken bones and stitches later, here we are, and you still don't get it. Crete, you can come up with whatever match you want. You can reach into the darkest recesses of your mind for the most demonic and destructive match imaginable, but the fact remains, you may beat me, but you cannot destroy me.

So Crete, you do whatever it takes. You call upon San Chaos, you draw strength from your super hero idols, you ask the idiot fans for their support, because in two days, at Hell on Earth 4, its going to be brutal, its going to be bloody and one of us will not walk out of that cage to end the night. And there is not a damn thing you, your heroes, or the fans can do to stop that.

Trust me

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*FADE BACK INTO KINGS ISLAND.*

<All Five Memebers of IHOP and the Doofy-Looking Security Guard are on the Kings Island Railroad. The Amnesiac and TDLSG are in the front car; SYB, Skurge, and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are two cars back, and Fezzik is sprawled out over the last 5 cars and the caboose.>

TDLSG <looks back>: Weeeeee, isn’t this fun?

<DM gives him a half-hearted smile>

TDLSG: Keep your arms and legs inside the train at all times. We don’t want any accidents.

<The Amnesiac is still pointing his gun at TDLSG>

SYB: Dorothy, is there something wrong with The Amnesiac?

DM: Boys, The Amnesiac… when this is over... he might be going away for a little while.

Skurge: Bullshit! What aboot these Chimpanzee Belts I had specifically designed for our match for OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Special Live! From Dayton, Ohio?

<The train slowly makes its way around Kings Island and finally comes to a stop>

TDLSG: <to The Amnesiac> Boy I’m bushed. Had enough?

Amn: Bushed, what do you mean bushed? Where are the big rides, the big ones?

*FADE*

[DevSop]

Alexander Darling bumps Crete's shoulder as he leaves the Destroyatorium and nothing is said at first so Crete's about to move on when Alexander spins him around;

Alexander: Three stage of Hell...has a nice ring to it.

Crete: It is something that needs to be done Citizen...

Alexander: Don't even fucking try and pull that with me. I'm not someone who bows down to the history of the almighty Crete...BUT with that being said, it's obvious my feelings on Moose. So while, I do hope you make him suffer, I want you to make sure you leave enough for me. Cause he and I...we're so not done.

Crete: Cit...Alex, I can make no promises except there will be suffering. But it is necessary in this case.

Alexander: Not just this case Crete...suffering is always necessary. It just matters who does the suffering.

Crete: What exactly...

Alexander: Figure it out. I have to go and talk to a man about a cage match.

Alexander leaves Crete staring after him for a moment as Alexander storms into the Destroyatorium. The place quiets for a second as all eyes turn to the door. From across the room Alexander notices D.H. and Spin sitting quietly with a bottle of JD between them. Alexander takes a long breath before turning his attention to the man sitting alone at the bar. Darling quickly walks up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. Stank slowly turns around and sighs...

Stank: I already told you...

Alexander: Yes you did tell me. Now I'm going to tell you something. I will be on your team for War Games. You owe me that...

Stank: I OWE YOU?!?!

Alexander: Yea, actually you do.

Stank: And how exactly do you figure that one out Darling?

Alexander: Well let me fucking count. First, I gave you my sister and since she's been gone she's been kidnapped twice and brutally beaten at least that much if not more...

Stank: She knew...

Alexander: It doesn't matter what she fucking knew Stank...she's my blood and you've put her in danger. I've accepted it for the greater good of Team Fucking Unity, but I've got a hands off warning about Niles and Viper so I need to take those frustrations out on someone. I prefer it to be the fucktards backing up Bennett...but it doesn't have to be....

Stank: Is that a threat?

Alexander: You know me better than that Lucas...I don't make threats. I make promises.

Stank takes a deep gulp of his beer as Darling continues,

Secondly, I've played good fucking soldier for Rick when there is absolutely no love lost between us. I deserve my shot to be there when it ends. And on that same token, so does Fire. You and Davin and Crete may have been at the forefront, but myself and Fire have actually been the ones in the trenches going to battle with Moose, Cole, Eric, and Attitude. We've fought and we've both lost important things...

Darling looks over Stank's shoulder and catches Magnusson's eye. They stare at each other for a moment before Alexander turns back to Stank.

Stank: All that may be true...but those two guys back there are loyal to me to the end. I don't know that I can say the same...

Alexander: Are you FUCKING serious? You're going to pull that shit now?

Stank: Everyone knows your history Alex...

Alexander: EXACTLY...it's history. I've been more loyal than anyone had the right to expect me. I could have turned my back on this fucking war a long time ago and worry about individual goals. I could have rested up my shoulder and stayed at 100%, but no...I gave your partner back there every chance to win some individual gold because I, fuck...I hate saying this, I respected him. So don't give me shit about loyalty when I've done everything but bend over backwards and kiss everyone's ass. I was never...

Stank: Fine...I get it. And like I said I need to think about it.

Alexander: Don't think too fucking hard Stank. Because if you do...I might have to start thinking about raising my net value. I'm pretty sure there's a bounty out there on someone's head. You know what they say about idle hands, don't ya.

Alexander turns around and quickly leaves the bar while Stank stares daggers at his back.

*Fade*

[OBJ]

OOC: Exalt for Vacation, even though I now have Holiday Road stuck in my head.

*OBJ walks across the Destroyitarium to where Stank is still pondering*

OBJ: Bit early for you to be slowing down on the drinking.

S: Oh, I just have a lot on my mind.

OBJ: Makes sense. Besides, I suppose Crete might have slipped something in that.

S: I doubt that. Seems out of character.

OBJ: So's putting a bounty on a team mate.

S: Whatever. I'm more concerned right now about the team for War Games.

OBJ: I'm sure your decisions will be fine with me. As longs as I'm in it, that is. Then I'll back you 100%!

S: I apperciate that.

OBJ: Of course there are some people you probably shouldn't pick.

S: Such as?

OBJ: Well, I don't want to hurt there feelings, so I'll write up a list.

*Stank shakes his head and chugs his drink*

S: No matter what I do, someone on Team Rick is going to have his feelings hurt.

OBJ (looking up from the list he started to write): Well, do you remember what Piper did that time for Uncensored in 97? He had open auditions in the ring and fought some jobbers and a couple of ringers, selected a team, then got the Horsemen to take their place.

S: Are you suggesting I do something like that?

OBJ: No, come to think of it, it was pretty lame.

S: OK, then.

OBJ: But look on the bright side.

S: What's that.

OBJ: Doesn't look like your drink was poisoned.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

OOC: Stupid timing out in the middle of a post

[National Champion Chris Cole]

This is a special message from Team Bennett

"Eye of the Tiger" plays while we see shots of Attitude Adjuster, Ryan Hardcore, Chris Cole, and Eric O'Mac training for there upcoming War Games Match. We see matches in a gym witht eh four members working as a team dismantling 4 jobbers. We see training sessions with Cole vs Mac or AA v s Hardcore. We see clips of them studying film of various possible members of Team Rick. We see film studying sessions of War Games Matches from Wrestling History. Moosehead Jack, LD Williams, and Bennett himself are shown giving motivational speeches. Capps even shows highlights of USA recent Ryder Cup victory.

EOM: We are ready. We have trained and nobody is going to get in our way.

AA: We are the best in the ring and also the best on the mic.

RH: Team Bennett is filled with skilled veterans but also with hungry young athletes ready to breakout.

CC: We are training as a team while the members of Team Rick haven't even settled on a lineup yet. Don't bother worrying over it because nobody you put out there can match up with the four of us.

The final scenes are of the various accomplishments each man has held. Eric and the Onslaught Title, AA (and Johnny) winning Tag Gold as well as OOWF Promo Awards, and Chris Cole with the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. The final image is of Cole standing over the bloody body of Rick after their cage match.

My name is Bennett and I approve of this message.

Paid for by the council of wrestlers who think GM The Rick is the source of all evil and needs to leave the OOWF once and for all.

[Concrete TG]

Sept 26, 2008 13:05:56 GMT -5 National Champion Chris Cole said:

This is a special message from Team Bennett


Moosehead Jack, LD Williams, and Bennett himself are shown giving motivational speeches.

***OOC***

You had me til here. Moose doesn't give formal motivational speeches, especially to allies. Where's the light bulb?? :