[Jack Quinn]

OOWF Doomy Doomy Doom Doom V
Live! From Springfield, Florida

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Spin Hansen

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Fear Us

OOWF Onslaught Championship Fatal Four-way[/u]
Seamus McNasty vs. Chris Cole vs. Alexander Darling vs. Damon Wrath

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u]
IHOP & The Amnesiac vs. Gods & Monsters & Eric O’Mac

Winners Get a Title Shot at the Next MidWeek Mayhem[/u]
Drink & Destroy vs. The Chickenshit Heels

Pure Rules Match[/u]
Concrete TG vs. Firewoman

Moosehead Jack vs. Tyson Kincaid

Card subject to things that go bump in the night

[Demko]

The Amnesiac enters the Palatial IHOP Locker Room (tm) and is greeted by Fezzik, The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, Skurge and SYB. He smiles weakly and waves hello.

AMN: Hey guys. I know... I let you all down.

Skurge: Let us doon? What in the hell are ya talking about? You did great, man!

The Amnesiac smiles a bit.

SYB: Yeah, you gave Davin hell out there. I'm sure he won't quickly forget the name of... The Insomniac!

AMN: Well yeah, but I didn't bring home the gold.

Skurge smirks.

Skurge: The only gold that matters right now are these (he motions to the Chimpanzee de Trikes championship belts that all three men are wearing), the Crimpers de Tryouts belts.

SYB: Yeah... and we're defending them on Sunday against GURPS and Mobsters.

AMN: Don't forget they've got a new teammate as well. Eric O'Mac.

SYB: That Irish bastard? What good is he gonna do for them?

AMN: Well, I was on a team with him before I joined IHOP, so there might be some unresolved anger there, which might motivate him to a higher level of play this weekend.

Skurge: Plus, I'm sure he's gonna want a crack at one of these belts. We can't let them have these!

SYB: No way.

Suddenly, Eric O'Mac walks into the locker room. Immediately, Fezzik stands up, ready to toss him back out. The Amnesiac holds up a hand.

AMN: No wait, Fezzik. I wanna hear what he's got to say.

Eric steps up to The Amnesiac, and shakes his hand.

Eric: Hello, The Amnesiac. It's been awhile since we've actually gotten together and talked.

AMN: Well yeah. As you can see, I'm here with IHOP now. I'm sorry I had to leave you with Kincaid, but I feel more like a part of the family here.

As he's talking, SYB and Skurge walk up behind The Amnesiac, flanking him, just in case.

EOM: Well, that's part of why I'm here. I'd like talk to you about maybe the two of us tagging up at some point in the near future.

The Amnesiac looks confused at this. He cocks his head to the side.

AMN: What's your game here, O'Mac. You trying to get out of this match on Sunday? Or get me to throw the match?

EOM: No no no, you misunderstand me, man. I thought you were a fantastic partner, and I'd like to see us team up again sometime. Get you out of the company of losers you're hanging out with these days, and get you back with a winner.

SYB starts to charge Eric, but Skurge stops him. He jerks his head towards The Amnesiac, as if to say 'Let him handle this'.

AMN: Well, in case you hadn't noticed, Eric, we're doing just fine here in IHOP.

EOM: Right... you're carrying around title belts with monkeys on them.

AMN: You watch your mouth, son! Monkeys are what makes the world go 'round.

Eric sighs and shakes his head.

EOM: Basically, you guys are all a bunch of jokes, and no one in the OOWF takes you seriously.

AMN: Well then... I guess we're gonna have to make an example out of you and Gods & Monsters... make the rest of the fed think twice before they go messing with us.

SYB: We might have monkeys on our belts, but maybe we'll wind up making monkeys outta you guys.

Eric chuckles sarcastically.

EOM: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of surrendering with these sad sacks in Springfield, Solly.

AMN: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances at the Pay per View, Eric.

EOM: Yeah, you will take your chances.

AMN: I know. I just said that.

EOM: I know you just said that.

AMN: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.

EOM: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.

AMN: That's what I said.

EOM: That's what I'm saying to *you*.

AMN: All right.

EOM: ...Touche.

After a few more awkward moments, Eric O'Mac leaves the locker room. SYB and Skurge pat The Amnesiac on the back.

Skurge: It's okay, man... we got this.

AMN: Oh, I know we do. We're gonna destroy those three this Sunday!

*FADE TO BLACK*

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*OOC* Dodgeball fucking rules. Great job.

[Fire-Babe]

[OOC: At least their belts are actually relevant and sanctioned OOWF belts... ]

[Concrete TG]

(CTG is STANDING~! before GM The Rick's desk)

GMtR: just what the hell happened out there at Mayhem?

CTG: I .. I don't know, Commissioner.

GMtR: You're out there spouting Truth, Justice and all that happy shit and you nearly put Firewoman in the hospital.

CTG: Not my intention

GMtR: "Not your intention"? Then explain THIS:

(GMtR switches off the World Series to show part of Crete's match from the 10/22 Mayhem...)

Both are up at 7, but Crete finds a reserve of energy from somewhere and SPEARS Fire out of her boots and into the STEEL STEPS, splaying them everywhere. Fire is DONE. Just to make sure though, Crete takes the bottom half of the STAIRS and drills Fire with them a couple times before tossing the STAIRS on top of her. Crete rolls back into the ring and instructs Barros to count, and he obliges.

CTG: (lowers head)

GMtR: Not especially heroic, now is it, Captain Hero

CTG: (too ashamed to protest)

GMtR: any ideas under that mask, Pureheart? I'd love to hear how you're gonna spin this

CTG: (Takes a deep breath, raises his head) Commissioner, the only thought about this sort of rage is that it's something I would use for the likes of Moosehead Jack.

GMtR: Well, since you don't have that release available I should be sympathetic, but you are the one person I hold to a higher standard when it comes to the whole "Good v. Evil" thing you love so much.

CTG: understood.

GMtR: There's a fine in your future, and I'm having you take a drug test

CTG: Excuse me???

GMtR: What happened out there was so out of character it's beyond rational explanation. Just covering a base or two.

CTG: I assure you that I am clean-

GMtR: Prove it, Deadpool

CTG: Right here????

GMtR: YOU WILL NOT PEE ON MY DESK! Dr. Black has been given someplace for you to go pee in a cup. OUT!

[National Champion Chris Cole]

Metrosexual Male Journalist #2 is running after "The Main Event" Chris Cole trying to get him to stop for an interview. Chris continues to walk so we will have this interview as a walking interview.

MMJ: Chris, in the past few months you have failed to win the OOWF World Heavyweight Title, you have failed to hold onto your number one contendership for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title, you have failed to win the OOWF Intercontinental Title, and recently you failed to win the OOWF World Tag Team Titles. What makes you think you'll be able to win the OOWF Onslaught Title at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom V?

Cole stops and takes a moment to stare at MMJ

MMJ: It's just......um......you seem to be on a losing streak. Do ya have plans on how to reverse your fortunes.

CC: Yes

Cole takes the mic from MMJ and then slams it into MMJ's forehead. He follows that up with a clothesline that drops MMJ hard to the concrete. A few stomps follow by Cole and then lifts him up and hits The Headliner. MMJ is out cold.

CC: You can quote me on that.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Lucios knocks on Firewoman’s locker room door. The door cracks open and Phantos’ head peeks thru the slim opening.

Phantos: Partner! Done with the film study?

Lucios: We have business to take care of. Let’s go.

Phantos: In a moment, I need to get dressed.

Lucios: Dressed? Why aren’t you dressed?

Phantos: Do you really want an answer?

Lucios: ….

Phantos: ….

Lucios: Hurry Up!

(The door closes and Lucios stands there shaking his head slowly. Phantos emerges moments later, tugging at the collar of his t-shirt. As the door closes, we see Firewoman walk past wrapped in a towel. They head out the door and down the Hallway of Not So Random and Usually Planned Encounters. Lucios is pushing a flatbed dolly with a 10 foot crate on it.)

Lucios: … You know, I thought you had better sense than that.

Phantos: Than what?

Lucios: You know what I mean. You’re going to have to work with her still.

Phantos: WHAT? Man, it’s not what you think.

Lucios: Yeah, and Donovan Viper isn’t a Homo

Viper: I’M NOT A HOMO!!

(Lucios backhands DV and Viper slinks away. Phantos tugs on his collar again.)

Phantos: That was random.

Lucios: Not really.

Phantos …

Lucios: …

Phantos: You gonna tell me what’s in the crate?

Lucios: No. Just like I’m not going to tell you your shirt is on backwards.

Phantos: THAT’S why it’s bugging me! (Takes off the shirt and puts in on correctly.)

Lucios: Here we are, stop #1

(Lucios kicks in the door to a locker room. We se Selena sitting cross legged at a small table covered in candles. Poe and Tytan are nowhere to be seen. Selena starts to shriek, but Phantos grabs her and covers her mouth. Lucios opens the crate and removes a small bundle. He holds it up to Selena’s face and uncovers it. He slowly undoes the wrapping while speaking in an audible whisper.)

Lucios: Congratulate your friends on their Invitational win for us. Wish them well in their Campeonas de Trios match at Doomy Doomy Doom Doom. And then tell them WE. WERE. THIS. CLOSE.

(Lucios reveals a Raven stabbed through with a jeweled dagger. Engraved on the handle is Poe’s Eye Logo. Selena’s eyes go wide. Phantos tosses her to the side and the Champions leave.)

Phantos: Wow man, you can be kind of menacing.

Lucios: Revenge isn’t always about beat-downs, attacks and violence. Making a statement takes a little more thought process than those two morons have. Our NEXT target however, won’t be easily intimidated.

Phantos: You mean….

Lucios: Yes. You think we were going to let all those attacks go unanswered?

Phantos: No Way Man!

(The Champions arrive at the Fear Me Locker room. We know this because LD’s Mom is standing outside the door smoking a cigarette.

Mrs. Williams: (mumbling) Damn Florida smoking laws. (looks up) What are YOU two bastards doing here?

Phantos: Pardon our sudden appearance ma’am. We have a little package for LD and his partner.

Lucios: We would like to leave it inside, so none of the other OOWF superstars get a hold of it. Very sensitive materials inside. You understand.

Mrs. Williams: I understand that you two can be trusted as far as I can throw yas. Which, looking at you pipsqueak, might be pretty far.

Lucios: Tell you what Mrs. Williams; we’ll just leave it here under your supervision.

(The Champions unload the crate and leave. Once they are out of sight, Mrs. Williams flicks her butt to the ground & opens the crate. She immediately makes a disgusted face and turns away. Ninjacam pans around and into the crate, showing a dead, rotting crocodile wrapped in a Canadian flag. The carcass and flag have been run through with a piece of rebar. We hear LD’s mom place a phone call.)

Mrs. Williams: Son, you boys ought to come check this out. I’m still at the locker room.

(We cut to Phantos & Lucios walking back to their quarters)

Phantos: I hope Firewoman’s still there. I’d like to finish what started earlier.

Lucios: …

Phantos: …

Lucios: …

Phantos: It’s NOT what you THINK!

Lucios: Then tell me. What exactly were you doing in Firewoman’s locker room?

Phantos: …

Lucios: …

Phantos: Well, Sven’s visa was denied. So, she found another masseuse. And he brought a young blonde massage intern who needed to hone her skills!

Lucios: Is she a barber too? You really need a haircut. It’s so long its starting to stick out below your mask.

Phantos: Fire thought…

Lucios: Oh give it a rest, Ok?

[BC]

OOC: Nice sybolism

Poe and Tytan are WALKING~ down the hallway when they see their locker room door open. They look at each other and quickly make for the door. They enter the room and see Selena huddled in a corner with a black object in front of her.

T: What the…

Tytan bends down and picks it up, realizing it’s a dead raven and drops it.

T: Holy shit dude. Gross.

Poe squats down, looking at the bird. He says nothing as he looks up to Selena. Selena seems to calm at his presence and crawls over to him. They exchange knowing looks.

SG: Lucios.

Poe nods his head and looks back down at the dead raven with a snarl.

fade

[fasteddie]

(The camera opens up on the empty arena and as the camera pans in we see Tytan in street clothes sitting next to Lola. Tytan looks pissed has a few things to say.)

Lola: Thanks for joining me tonight as you prepare for your match at the PPV. First thing is first, I notice the absence of the rest of Gods and Monsters. What's going on?

Tytan: Lola, Poe is right now taking care of Selena. She is a little messed up from the current actions of Phantos and Lucios. (Tytan looks straight into the camera and you can feel the tension build as he speaks.) Boys, you just pissed off the wrong people. I am the calm one out of us right now. You don't want to see Poe. You see, when Poe and I teamed up Poe made me swear one thing. No harm is to come to Selena. Let me repeat myself since I know you two are a little bit slow. (slowly) NO HARM IS TO COME TO SELENA! Now, you just broke the Golden Rule. So now you need to be prepared. Hell who am I kidding the whole entire OOWF needs to be prepared for the Wrath of the Gods that are going to come down on you. You thought you knew what hell was...(laughs) you haven't even seen anything...Poe's dreams are the stuff that the normal person's nightmares are made of. But you decided to harm Selena. You had to lay your grimy little paws on her. Oh I know you didn't touch her. Physically you are right...instead you messed with her head.

Phantos and Lucios forget about F-U. The only team you are going to really need to fear is The Gods and Monsters and the fury you have just released on your worthless souls. And when we are through with you the belts are not going to be the only things that we own of yours. WE WILL OWN YOUR SOULS!!

Lola: Wow! Tytan I have never seen you this fired up. Anything to say about your match with IHOP and....what's his name?

Tytan: Lola...we are looking forward to kicking the crap out of the clowns again. They think the beat down they got in the Tourney was bad...now we are pissed off bastards. We just may kill you!

Lola: What about your teaming with one Eric O'Mac?

Tytan: What about it? They just added one more pissed of bastard to the mix. It could be...who am I kidding this is going to be one hell of an ass kicking on IHOP and....what the hell is that other Stooge's name?

Lola:Moe?

Tytan:No.

Lola:Larry?

Tytan: No he is to smart to be him.

Lola: Curly?

Tytan: You know it doesn't matter what is name is because when Gods and Monsters and Eric O'Mac are done with you it will be D-E-A-D! Shine the belts up nice and good you clowns because after the Pay-Per-View they are going to be ours. Damn Lucios and Phantos you had to mess with Selena! (He walks off)

Lola: Well there you have it. It looks like some teams are going to have to pay the Ferryman in blood for the deeds they have done. Back to you at the OOWF headquarters Ryan.

(Fade to Black)

[Fire-Babe]

Sometime after her massage, Firewoman is WALKING~! down the hallway of Encounters With Moose, humming "God Bless Texas," having no idea yet what has just transpired with her teammates. He starts with the mock clapping.

FW: Man, and I was in such a good mood, too. I need to start figuring out where this hallway is in every arena. Do they keep changing it?

MHJ: [totally noselling her sarcasm] Nicely done. Very few people have managed to get Crete to lose his cool that way. Actually, I can think of only one other person...

FW: Oh gee, and I wonder who that could be?

MHJ: I told you once we had a lot in common.

FW: Are you still on that? I was on the winning side in the war that you tied up your identity with, on the side that lost. I beat the Faciest Face Ever in a match CLEANLY, with no cheating. At least not on my part.

MHJ: But now we have this in common, we both hate Concrete. Could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

FW: I'm not being your friend. Ever.

MHJ: Not yet. *wink*

FW: Look, here is all I have to say to you. My match with Captain Hero proved that I could defeat him on his own terms, fair and square. I'm on my way right now to demand a stipulation for our next match that's more in line with my proclivities....

MHJ: Really? Something involving handcuffs?

FW: Only in Pureheart's dreams. You'll just have to wait and see like everyone else, Moosey.

With that, she keeps going towards Rick's office, and resumes humming "God Bless Texas." Moose watches her walk, and then continues on his way.

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is SITTING~! with Samantha, Alexander and Alexis Darling at Spinners Restaurant on top of the Grand Plaza Florida Hotel in St. Petersburg following the latest Rays game. Dinners over, and they've all got an apertief. Sam and Davin are sucking down cancer sticks too, much to the disdain of the other two*

AD: That is so disgusting.

LD: For real.

SD: Oh shut up.

DM: Seriously. Rays won, you should be all buoyant and whatnot.

AD: Yeah, You're right. Besides, we could be in Boston. It's fucking cold there now.

DM: Why don't you find a bus?

LD: Why don't you shut the fuck up and have a good time. Thanks to Daddy we had two games in his luxury box.

DM: Not bad for such a shitty ballpark.

LD: Hey!

AD: No, he's right, the Trop is a shithole.

SD: So how long until we have to go back to Alabama?

DM: I thought Doomy Doomy Doom Doom V was in Florida?

SD: Yeah, well, it's in the panhandle, so it might as well be.

AD: Yeah, Panama City's the first beach on the Redneck Riviera.

DM: Awesome. Anyone catch any OOWF-TV?

LD: Yeah, I watched some while you all were watching the game.

SD: Miss anything?

LD: Hmm...Crete's all emo because he's a hypocrite cheater.

DM: And a traitor.

AD: Lest us forget.

LD: Fire and Phantos had a "massage" together.

SD: We need to get Lucios a girlfriend.

DM: And I'm guessing Moonbeam isn't exactly his type.

SD: Hey, you never know; opposites attract and whatnot.

DM: Yeah, but cerebral straight-edge guy with the rotted-brain burnout?

LD: She IS kinda cute...if you like the crunchy ones.

AD: Fake crunchy. She's fake crunchy.

SD: What the fuck is "fake crunchy"?

DM: She shaves and showers, babe.

SD: Ah. Ok, that makes sense then.

LD: ANYWAY...they've got LD and Outback on Sunday.

AD: *snickers* "Fear Us"?

DM: HA! Yeah, that's them. I tell ya, if it were anyone else in that ring I'd be worried, but Phantos and Lucios have proven time after time after time that they are THE BEST Tag Team to ever step in a ring. My brothers will be just fine, thanks.

SD: Your politically conservative brothers born and raised in Texas?

DM: Oh, details.

AD: What else, Lex?

LD: You're in a clusterfuck with Seamus McNasty, "The Curtain Jerk" Chris Cole and "I used to be alive" Damon Wrath for the Onslaught Belt.

DM: The Davin Moreland Memorial Onslaught Belt.

SD: Of course, dear.

DM: Just trying to be accurate.

AD: I'll be fine. When I win, I'll bring honor back to the belt; if by some miracle I'm screwed out of it - it will continue to languish in mediocrity where it's been ever since Davin lost it.

DM: Ok, two things?

AD: Yeah?

DM: One, Firewoman held that belt with distinction for some time.

AD: Well yeah, I meant besides th...

DM: And two? It's YOUR fault I lost the Onslaught Belt in the first place.

LD: Way to go, brother dear.

AD: Hey, that top wristlock REALLY HURT!

DM: I don't like you.

SD: I'm sure he's sorry dear; besides, you've got a much bigger belt now.

DM: Yeah, this one fits.

Passing Waitress: HOORAY FOR ENTENDRES!

LD: YOU have Spin "Freakin'" Hansen this week.

DM: Great. Can't wait to see the run sheet for that one.

*Kayfabe storms into the room with a shiny knife*

SD: *across the room to the Maitre d'* SHE JUST STOLE AN ASHTRAY! *points to Kayfabe*

*immediately a team of security guards charge over and while Kayfabe tries to hold them off, she eventually succumbs to the numbers and is carried off*

DM: Anyway, it looks like The Rick is trying to push around the competition committee again and give me the Rey Mysterio push, but you know what? That's fine; I have an awfully long memory, and Rick, it WILL come back to bite you. Remember, I have my ways. I'm sure the board would love to hear how you're disrespecting your top draw and single most important worker on the roster.

SD: Honey, calm down...

DM: Calm down? Fuck you calm down. I'm putting Rick on notice; have your fun while you still can Rick, because if you keep running the company like this, I'm sure the board will have no choice but to find someone who can do the job properly. And Spin Hansen? Seriously? You send me the C-Teamer from Drink and Destroy? Oh man, can't you just SMELL the buyrates Rick you fucking moron? Amnesiac, Hansen...who's next? Vander? I take that one by rollup with a handful of tights? I'll tell you what, Rick. These fans may not like me right now; but they damn sure respect me - and they respect my career and what I've been able to accomplish despite the odds. Eventually? They'll cheer me again because they have to. I think that's probably what you're afraid of, isn't it?

DM: I'm supposed to be "the heel" so the fans have to boo me. That's fine if this were 1986, Rick; but guess what, it's not. And I'll go on record again; I don't give a rat's ass what the fans do, I get paid anyway. But I get paid less when fewer people by the Pay Per View, Rick. Have you even LOOKED at this card? Fully half of your best singles wrestlers are in tag teams, and you've got nothing but scrubs to challenge me. I know this. The fans know this. And then they see me win by accident, and they don't CHEER the Underdog or BOO the Heel - they stop giving a shit, because it's so stupid.

DM: So Rick Russo, if this is the direction you want to travel with the company that I helped build - that's your business. I stay here because I am in the greatest stable in the history of sports entertainment. Together, we are the most dominant force in the OOWF; and you'll just have to deal with it. Your reach only extends so far Rick...be careful who you cross - you're not on the thickest of ice, my friend.

SD: I think you mentioned Spin Hansen for like 2 seconds.

DM: So?

*Samantha glares*

DM: Ok fine. Spin, I will hit you so hard, that you will be hit very hard.

SD: *through gritted teeth* Davin....

DM: *sighs* Fine. Hansen? You're like the 10th best member of Drink and Destroy, and I'd say I respect you, but to be completely honest I really don't. Magnusson (God rest his soul) carried your ass for a year and BEGGED Rick to break the team up. You sit there and put little face paint on like you're going to a fucking Raiders game and we're all supposed to guess you're what...all ANGRY and stuff. Ooh. You're very scary Spinster. I tell you what, you tell Rick to tear up the run sheet, and bring your "hooded life partner" with you and I'll whoop both your sorry asses. How about that? That way you have someone halfway capable to carry your sorry ass in a match.

DM: I'm all about fairness, Spin. So tell me what you want. Stips? A head start? You only need a 2-count to win? What is it? Because there is no way...NO WAY, that you can beat me one-on-one in the ring. It. Will. Not. Happen. Why? I'm Davin Moreland. I am the greatest wrestler in the business today, and Spin "Freakin" Hansen...well...isn't. If you want to avoid injury, it might be in your best interest just to come in and lay down. I won't hurt you to bad then. But if you try to come at me Spin; I can't be held responsible for my actions. And you wouldn't want to join Magnusson in early retirement, do you? It would be a shame to your...what...3, 4, fans out there? Oh...SMELLETH THE BUYRATES, RICK!

AD: You done?

DM: I'm done.

SD: Good job, dear.

*Samantha and Davin start making out in such a way that the viewer is probably pretty uncomfortable.*

LD: *clears her throat* C'mon brother dear, we're leaving.

DM: Nah, nah...hold on...that is, unless you two want to be alone.

*Samantha DRILLS Davin in the arm*

SD: You need to stop that.

DM: Fine. Let's go.

*fade*

[wld]

**Fear Us storm into their locker room, to find L.D.’s mother sitting on a couch, looking irritated.**

LD’s M: You’re too late. Wally got here first..”

LDW: “What happened?…What’s that smell?”

OBJ: <Sniffs> “Smells like…dinner!”

**Wally B King, wearing an apron and carrying a barbecue fork, enters the arena through a door across the hall and joins them in the locker room.**

WBK: “Seems the champs decided to give you a peace offering. It’s a little gamey, but I can grill that right out. Shame about the flag though.”

**L.D. sees the desecrated Canadian Flag and goes red.**

LDW: “They’re deadmen.”

OBJ: “True, but it can wait until after lunch.”

LD’s M: <Looking slightly green> “You and Wally go ahead Jack – I think we’ll get something from Roma – He still owes me a favour.”

[Concrete TG]

(Firewoman enters GM The Rick's office without so much as a knock. She sees the beleagured GM at his desk reading over a report)

FW: So... you're putting me against Pureheart again at the Pay-Per-View.

GMtR: This would be the "Rubber match" for you two, since he won the first one

FW: By cheating

GMtR: then you winning the second

FW: DESPITE his cheating

GMtR: So since you already know this, why are you even here?

FW: I thought a stipulation might be needed for this match, and I have an idea that absolutely sparkles with me.

GMtR: really? Let's see what kind of sizzle you can put on this steak.

FW: It's a little early for Christmas, but I thought if we did a pole match holding a bag with handcuffs, a leather strap, a length of rope or chain (you can leat Captain Hero pick, he seems okay with both), and a few other fine toys. Once the bag is in play, you handcuff your opponent to a rope -

GMtR: Stop right there. I don't think our fans want to see what you do to Jericho on a weekly basis

FW: ......

GMtR: I have a better idea for this match. Since Pureheart passed his piss test and actually had blood in his caffeine stream -

FW: that's all that was in there?

GMtR: There's nothing in the OOWF wellness policy against alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, or other LEGAL substances. If caffeine was illegal, Bunny would be on Death row. Now As I Was Saying, since Pureheart passed his piss test, you're griping about cheating, he's willing to atone for his perceived cheating, then we're going to make your match at Doomy Doom Doom Doom a Pure Rules match.

FW: WHAT??

GMtR: You heard me. Sterling Glaw's favorite match. Oh, and all your friends - and Concrete's - are Banned from Ringside. I'm stationing Hightower at the top of the ramp and Junior Hale at ringside so that if anyone walks through that curtain, jumps the guardrail or otherwise even HINTS at heading toward that ring, the match will end - and if it's any of your DEA buddies, Concrete wins, period. Same for any of Concretes's buddies - I know he's talked to Hurricane Helms and if he decides to save the day, Firewoman wins the match. How's that "Sparkle" with you?

FW: (face starts to redden) .... fine.

GMtR: I thought you'd be "fine" with that. Now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE before you set something of mine on fire.

[Attitude Adjuster]

The Chickenshit Heels and Drink & Destroy are sitting in a random bar that has, for this Sunday’s Doomy Doomy Doom Doom V, right here in Springfield, Florida (cheap pop!), been renamed The Destroyatorium. AA is trying to Promotificatiate.

AA: Guys, did anyone realize we have a PPV this weekend? And we’re facing each other again?

Stank: Serious?

JA: You mean we have to work twice this week? That sucks. I had golf plans.

FFC: ...

AA: Exactly what I was thinking, too, Capslock. So who’s gonna cut a awesome promo for us so we can act like we care that we’re main eventing the PPV?

JA & Stank: We’re main eventing?

FFC: ...

AA: Well, I assume so. I mean, who else is going to main event? Look at the card. Those two jackoff “measuring stick” tag champs? God, they’ll get booed out of the house. Concrete and Firewoman? A Skank Whore can’t main event! I couldn’t even get her past the mid-card. Moreland and Hansen? No offense to Hansen, but even he can’t get more than three stars out of that crackhead Moreland. So it must be us. We can do four stars just by walking out there and letting the fans boo and cheer us. It’s like that Eddie Guerrero promo where he just came to the ring and said NOTHING! We could do that for the main event. What do you think? Look, I’ll make a call.

AA dials a number into his cell phone.

AA: Moose! How you doing! Are we main eventing this week?

Kayfabe walks into the Destroyatorium behind AA, grabs his phone, flips it shut, hands it back to him, glares and leaves.

AA, JA and Stank: Huh.

FFC: ...

Stank: Why did Kayfabe just get italics around her actions, yet when AA dialed his cell phone there weren’t any?

Kayfabe walks back into the room and removes the italics from her actions.

JA: Now that was different.

AA: And that’s why we should be main eventing this week. We’ve just said absolutely nothing, did it in a quarter of the time as a “As The Run DEA World Turns” promo takes, and were at least five times more entertaining.

Stank: Damn, we’re good together.

FFC: ...

JA: You really need a better Internet connection, Capslock.

[Jack Quinn]

***OOC***

Added stips to the Crete-Fire and D&D-TCH matches

[Demko]

We re-join IHOP, driving in a large van. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is sitting shotgun. SYB and Skurge sit in the second row, while Fezzik is splayed out over the 3rd row, all by himself. The Amnesiac is driving the van, and talking as we fade up.

AMN: Ok, so rule #286... no crasher is left behind.

TLTDM: What?

AMN: Sorry, had a Wedding Crashers moment there. I'm really glad you guys decided to join me at my pal Michael's wedding tomorrow.

SYB: I thought someone told me that this guy's wedding was next weekend.

AMN: Quiet, Solly. We're heading to the wedding THIS week, because it makes more sense storyline-wise. Y'know, since we're already in Florida. Plus, Demko's gonna be unavailable to write promos for the next couple of weeks, what with him getting married and all.

As The Amnesiac says this, the camera pans out to see Kayfabe standing on the side of the road, holding up a sign that says 'You guys are dead.' Underneath that, in smaller letters, 'Key West or Bust'. She's holding out a thumb to hitch a ride. The van passes by her without slowing.

AMN: So I've been friends with this guy literally since birth. I'm just glad when I sent the response card in with 4 extra guests, he didn't get pissed off.

Skurge: Wait... his fiancee didn't say ANYTHING about you bringing 4 extra guests?

AMN: Apparently not. Either that, or he took his beating like a man.

TLTDM: Ha! Wait until they get a load of Fezzik!

Skurge: Are we gonna be able to make it back in time for the PPV?

AMN: Of course. The wedding is tomorrow afternoon. We'll be back in Springfield by Sunday morning. No problem.

Fezzik: Are we almost there? I've gotta pee!

AMN: Yeah, we're coming up to the hotel now.

The van pulls up into a parking space in front of a hotel. The bellhops get to taking the luggage out of the back of the van, and then wedging Fezzik out of the backseat. The rest of IHOP files out of the van. As they walk into the hotel lobby, Eric O'Mac walks in behind them. They turn to see him arriving and Eric starts laughing.

Eric O'Mac: Oh jesus... what in the hell are you guys doing here?

AMN: I'm here for a buddy's wedding tomorrow. What are you doing here? Are you stalking us?

EOM: No way, dude. *I'M* here for a wedding tomorrow. What's your friend's name?

AMN: Michael Demko.

EOM: No way!

AMN: Yes way.

EOM: Dude, we're going to the same wedding.

AMN: You're kidding me.

EOM: Not at all. Mike and I have been friends for years. Since college. We were roommates in college.

AMN: You went to Stetson University with Demko?

EOM (pauses for a second): Yeah... Stetson. Good old Stetson U.

Skurge and SYB start eyeing Eric suspiciously.

AMN: So, I guess we'll see you at the wedding tomorrow.

EOM: I guess you will.

Eric turns around and walks over to the front desk. SYB and Skurge gather around The Amnesiac.

SYB: That guy doesn't know your friend.

Skurge: Yeah, that was a total line of bullshit if I've ever seen one.

SYB: I think he followed us here.

AMN: So, what do we do about it?

Skurge: We call his bluff. We offer him a ride to the wedding tomorrow, and see how he reacts.

AMN: OK. Wait here.

The Amnesiac approaches Eric, and taps him on the shoulder.

AMN: Hey Eric... since we're all going to the wedding tomorrow, why don't we just drive over there together?

EOM: Hey... that sounds like a great idea.

AMN: It... it does?

EOM: Yeah, sure. That way I can partake of the open bar he's got goin on, and one of you bastards can drive me back here!

AMN: Alright, then. I guess we'll leave here around noon tomorrow?

EOM: Noontime it is. See you then, pal.

AMN: Sure.

The Amnesiac re-convenes with his IHOP teammates.

AMN: He said he'll go over with us tomorrow.

SYB: There's gotta be some game here! This is way too much of a coincidence.

Skurge: I guarantee you that Eric O'Mac is bullshitting us. We'll see what goes down tomorrow.

With that, the IHOP gang goes to the front desk and checks in. Fezzik can be seen coming out of the ladies room with several screaming women rushing out in front of him.

*FADE TO BLACK*

[Attitude Adjuster]

TCH and D&D are still at The Destroyatorium. AA’s cell phone rings. He answers it, listens, thanks someone and then puts the phone down.

AA: Well, that changes everything.

Stank & JA: What’s that?

AA: That was Moose. He just called to let us know that the winner of our match at Doomy Dommy Doom Doom V this Sunday in Springfield, Florida (cheap pop!) gets a title shot at the next Midweek Mayhem.

Stank: Why didn’t he call me first?

AA: He probably did. But you don’t have coverage here. It’s not my fault you have telephone coverage by IHOP Communications, Inc.

Suddenly, JA’s phone rings. JA answers it, listens, thanks someone and then puts the phone down. Then FFC’s phone rings. He answers it, listens, doesn’t say anything and then puts the phone down.

AA: Well, shall we get to it? You know, it was nice while it lasted.

The four break out in a HUGE brawl, smashing, tables, glass and whatever else isn’t nailed down. The TCH/D&D feud has definitely raised in intensity.

AA, JA and Stank: Phantos! Lucios! We’re coming for our belts!

FFC: ...

[Concrete TG]

Oct 24, 2008 13:55:37 GMT -5 Attitude Adjuster said:

AA: Well, shall we get to it? You know, it was nice while it lasted.

The four break out in a HUGE brawl, smashing, tables, glass and whatever else isn’t nailed down. The TCH/D&D feud has definitely raised in intensity.

AA, JA and Stank: Phantos! Lucios! We’re coming for our belts!

FFC: ...

X Alt

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial Hyatt Key West Resort and Marina. SYB, Skurge, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, Fezzik, and Eric O’Mac are watching the wedding of Michael Demko and his fiancee, [redacted]. The Amnesiac is at the altar with the couple in his capacity as best man…

DM: <whispering> *sniff* I love weddings, but they always make me cry.
Skurge: <whispering> *sniff* Yeah, me too, eh?
SYB: <not whispering> Pussy.

*This comment draws the attention of most of the guests, along with the bride, groom, minister, maid of honor, and best man, whose face is a rather bright shade of red. He is clearly not impressed…

SYB: Uh, my bad. Please proceed, rabbi.
Skurge: <whispering> Jackass.
Minister: As I was saying, if anyone knows of any reason why this man and woman should not be joined in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
SYB: *laughing* He said “hold his piece.”
EOM: HA!
Skurge: *laughing* “Forever hold his piece.” Better speak up, eh? I don’t want to be stuck holding this dude’s piece forever.
SYB: Really? Now?
Skurge: I don’t see why not. Unless you want it to cut into dinner later.
SYB: Fuck that noise. <yells> Stop the ceremony! IHOP has something to say.

*All eyes turn toward SYB, including The Amnesiac’s, who is whispering frantically to the groom in a clear attempt to apologize for his friends’ behavior. Meanwhile, Skurge has moved to the back of the room and uncovered…the official OOWF TitantrOOn!

SYB: Demko, [redacted], we know you guys are huge OOWF fans, so we got you a little gift.
Amn: Solly! This can’t wait until after the ceremony?
SYB: Nah, why wait? Besides, the longer the speeches and stuff go on at dinner, the less time I’ll have to get the maid of honor drunk and get her back to my room.
Everyone: …
Skurge: *sigh* Uh, Solly? Remember that discussion we had aboot how your inner monologue could be your friend?
SYB: Shit. That was out loud, wasn’t it?
Skurge: Just play the DVD.
SYB: I thought you had it.
Skurge: No, I gave it to you.
SYB: Well I don’t have it.
EOM: Here it is.
Skurge: What the hell were you doing with this? You weren’t even on it.
EOM: I know. I felt left out, so I added myself to it.
Skurge: Well, I really should watch it first to make sure you didn’t do anyting rude or disrespectful, but I think we’ve taken up enough of everyone’s time. Demko, [redacted], IHOP hopes you enjoy these special greetings from some of your favourite OOWFers who couldn’t be here in person on your special day.

*As the video begins, the first greeting is from Donovan Viper, who appears to have something in his eye…

DV: Marriage is such a beautiful thing...I’m really choked up…please turn the camera off…

*The crowd starts to chant HO-MO! HO-MO! in unison before the next greeting is shown. The screen now reveals a dimly lit lightbulb swinging back and forth as MooseheadJack enters the frame…

MHJ: Michael Demko. We have not spilled blood, but I’ve taken some from The Amnesiac so I feel like I know you. Remember, marriage means it’s ok to give your new bride a compound fracture of the leg, especially if she burns dinner.

Trust me…

*CTG is on the screen now…

CTG: Citizen Demko! Make sure you have protection. A true superhero is always prepared…

*Next, we see Davin Moreland with Curt “The Golden God” Schilling…

DM: I don’t know who you are and I don’t care. You’re not worth my time or Run DEA’s time.
CTGGS: I remember when God blessed me with my wife Shonda. I also remember when he blessed me with back-to-back 20-win seasons in Arizona, yet I still finished 2nd in the Cy Young voting that year. Also, vote McCain on Election Day.

*The next image is a bit grainy, but it appears to be Eric O’Mac driving a car down the Las Vegas strip…

EOM: Oh hey Mike. Don’t you love Vegas? You can do anything here. Isn’t that right, [redacted]?

*The camera shows [redacted] passed out in the passenger seat…

EOM: You see Demko, The Amnesiac bit off more than he could chew when he decided to fuck with me. The way I figure it, this is just payback…and if I can get some pussy out of it, even better. <To [redacted]> Now let’s make this official so we can consummate the marriage!

*As Eric pulls into a drive-thru chapel, we focus back on the wedding. Demko and [redacted] are speechless. The Amnesiac’s face is getting redder and redder, and his eyes are locked on the screen…

EOM: …and a good night to you too, madam. <To the camera> Say hello to the new Mr. and Mrs. O’Mac. Enjoy your wedding. HA!

*As the video ends, the room is deathly silent. No one is willing to so much as look at the couple at the altar. The Amnesiac’s head is in his hands. He is visibly upset at what he’s just seen. Meanwhile, Eric O’Mac has stealthily made his way to the door. As he leaves, he gets in the last word…

EOM: HA!

*FADE*

[Road Warrior Shark]

yeah.. thats an exalt

[Riot Act]

We fade into the gorilla position immediately following the Tyson Kincaid vs. Moosehead Jack match from Mayhem.

The curtain parts and Kincaid walks through, still holding the little bottle in his hand. From just out of frame, an arm extends and Kincaid is hit with a hard slap. He puts a hand to his face as the camera pans to the left to show Lance Storm.

LS: What the hell is that?!

TK: What the hell is what?

LS: That bottle in your hand.

TK: It’s vodka.

Storm slaps him again.

LS: So you’re wrestling drunk, now?

Kincaid looks at Storm, slightly bewildered.

TK: Lance, you know me better than that. I would never wrestle impaired.

LS: Then explain the bottle.

Kincaid pauses for a moment.

TK: I wish I could. The only thing I can think of is that it got caught in my tights when I was unpacking my bag. I know you don’t believe me, though.

This time, Storm pauses momentarily.

LS: I tell you what. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But seeing you with that bottle in your hand during a match - against Moosehead Jack of all people - made me realize that you need to nip this problem of yours in the bud before it gets any worse.

Kincaid doesn’t respond, so Storm continues.

LS: Here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to watch you like a hawk all weekend. I’m going to make damn sure that you don’t take a drink or pop a pill and I’m going to accompany you to the ring on Sunday. I want to be there when you step into the ring against Moose after four days of sobriety and defeat him.

Forget about Firewoman. Forget about Eric. Focus on Moose and how you can take the first step towards getting back on your game.

Fade.

[Demko]

*OOC* HO-LEE SHIT.

I've never laughed so hard while I was at work. My co-workers think I'm insane right now. Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ, Hodgey. I will exalt you at every possible opportunity I get between now and the wedding.

HA!

[The Canadian Content]

***OOC -- thanks man, but it's not all mine. Solly wrote the video greeting section*. Give him some props too. He earned em.









* In case anyone was wondering, this is called "citing a source." It can be tricky sometimes.

[Demko]

*OOC* I'm just wondering if Eric's gonna be upset that we married him off in one of OUR promos, LOL!

[Riot Act]

*OOC* Tyson must be crushed that Eric is no longer on the market.