[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Springfield, North Carolina

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Concrete TG

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
Spin Hansen vs. Firewoman

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Drink & Destroy

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Chris Cole vs. Alexander Darling

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match[/u]
Gods & Monsters and Eric O’Mac vs. IHOP & The Amnesiac

The Chickenshit Heels vs. Seamus McNasty & Damon Wrath vs. Fear Us
Tyson Kincaid vs. Moosehead Jack
Alexis Darling vs. Bunny
Bryce Larson vs. Dean Krzyzewski

Card subject to poll results too close to call

[Riot Act]

The scene opens up in the backstage area immediately following Mayhem. Tyson Kincaid and Lance Storm stand in front of a door marked “EXIT” surrounded by crack members of OOWF security. Kincaid is still wearing his ring gear, but Storm is now dressed in street clothes and his bags sit on the floor next to him.

TK: Lance, I can’t tell you how sorry I am about all this.

LS: For the last time, it wasn’t your fault. You’ll deal with them eventually, with or without me. All you need to worry about is staying clean, but I know that you don’t need me for that, either.

Kincaid solemnly nods his head in agreement. The two share a manly embrace before security begin to advance on Storm in order to remove him from the building. A hard stare from both Kincaid and Storm stop them in their tracks.

As Storm picks up his bags, turns and exits through the door, the camera turns to show Moosehead Jack watching thoughtfully from across the hall.

Fade.

[DevSop]

From the other side of the hall Eric O'Mac looks on...

EOM: HA!

From further down the hall, Alexander and Alexis Darling walk upon the scene.

Alexander: What a fucking crybaby. So why are we here anyway?

Alexis: You'll see in about 30 seconds.

All of a sudden there is a loud yell from outside the arena and a ninja cameraman rushes out the door as the Darlings slowly follow Tyson Kincaid out. The first thing everyone sees is that Lance Storm is laid out on the pavement and blood is pouring out his mouth. Then the camera pans up and we see Tyler Black and Austin Aries are each holding a chair. They smile as they toss the chairs down and start to walk towards Tyson who seems caught between fighting the two ROH superstars or lending a hand to his mentor. Suddenly someone pats Tyson on the shoulder and he turns around and comes face to face with Alexander Darling.

Alexander: Do the smart thing. Check on your boyfriend. Let this go, in fact I think it's time you forget Run DEA exists. Move on before it gets even worse for you.

Tyson looks like he's about to come back at Alexander when Tyler and Austin finally walk over. Alexis hands them both some money before taking her brother by the arm and turning around to head back inside the arena. Tyson gives one last long look at the retreating figures before rushing over to check on Lance Storm.

*Fade*

[BC]

Selena is staring into a mirror, pushing her hands through her thick black hair. She is visibly upset about the Tag Team Title match as she listens to “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane



SG: Ugh, I hate cramps. There’s gotta be some Tylenol or something around here.

Selena starts going through the bags of Poe and Tytan. She finds a bottle of pills in Tytans bag.

SG: Ah ha! Always depend on the muscle head for pain killers.

Selena grabs a bottle of water and downs two pills.

SG: Ah, that’s better.

She then looks around and finds Poe’s Hookah.

SG: Sweet.

Selena lights it and takes a few puffs, exhaling slowly.

SG: Now that’s the stuff. Whoa.

Selena begins to get dizzy and sits back on the couch.

SG: Oh crap…this is not good.

As the room begins to spin, Selena lays back and falls asleep.

moments later

“Ayo!”

Selena wakes up and sees Bunny staring down at her.

SG: Oh crap!

Selena sits up quickly, looking around for trouble as the last time she encountered Bunny was when Poe power bombed him through a wall.

B: You’re late Selena! I’m late! We’re all late!

Bunny grabs Selena’s hand and pulls her out of the locker room.

SG: Bunny! Hey Bunny stop…

Selena looks around her and realizes she’s no longer in the arena. She looks around at all the lush trees of a forest.

SG: This is so totally not good…

to be continued…

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Seamus Mcnasty is sitting at the corner of the bar, in what passes for an Irish pub in Springfield, sipping a pint of stout. He's got a good view of the door, so he's not surprised when Fear Us stroll in and sit adjacent to him*

SM: What a coincidence.

LD: Yeah, we guessed we'd find you here.

*The bartender, a woman with bleached blonde hair and a large rack, wearing a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" shirt and ripped jeans, wanders over*

Bartender (sounding like Dusty Rhodes): What kin ah git y'all ta drink?

OBJ: Two pints of stout and, let's see, 4 shots of Powers.

Bartender: And what would y'all want?

LD: My partner already ordered for us.

OBJ: Well, actually...

LD: Fine, I'll have a Molson's.

Bartender: Only Canadian beer we got is Moosehead.

LD: OK.

SM: So?

OBJ: Nice match with Spin, mate. You handled yourself well.

SM: You guys came in here to tell me that?

OBJ: Well, yes and no.

LD: It's no secret we're fed up with the punks who've come into the OOWF in the last year or so. Too many people with big egos who haven't paid their dues. But we're willing to give you the benfit of the doubt, for now anyways.

SM: And why am I so fortunate?

OBJ: Because your one of the few who haven't pissed us off.

LD (quietly): Yet.

OBJ: Now you know Wrath isn't up to speed. He's greener than the plastic shamrocks on the wall there.

LD: You probably don't want to be in the ring with us and the Heels with a partner you can't rely on.

SM: How nice of you to come by and share your wisdom.

OBJ: Ask Rick to get another match. Take a personal day. Tell him you ate the shepherd's pie here and got food poisoning.

LD: It would be the smart thing to do.

SM: I suppose this is the time when you tell me "Fear us!"

OBJ: It would be

LD: But we doubt you'd listen.

*AT this point OBJ has polished off his drinks, and eyes LD's untouched bottle of Moosehead Lager*

LD: Go ahead.

*OBJ chugs the beer and belches*

OBJ: I think that was Canadian for "Trust me".

*Fear Us walks out of the bar laughing as Seamus shakes his head*

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room, where the mood is, once again, somber. All five members of IHOP are sitting around a table discussing last night’s outcome at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem, Live! From Springfield, South Carolina…

Skurge: So why did you make the stip, Solly?
Amn: Yeah, why would you do something like that?
DM: Especially without consulting anyone first.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Skurge: Not now, Fezzik. Seriously, Solly, what the fuck? What gives you the right to put the future of IHOP on the line?
SYB: It did seem like a pretty random thing to do, didn’t it? But ease up guys, you’re missing the big picture.
Skurge: Which is?
SYB: We won’t lose.
Amn: But they’ve beaten us before. Why would this time be any different?
SYB: Two reasons: 1. They’re overconfident. They think they’ve got it in the bag. 2. If we lose, IHOP is finished. I don’t know about the rest of you, but that’s something that I’m willing to give 100% for.
Skurge: You might have something there, you crazy joo. But I still wish you hadn’t risked everything like that.
SYB: Meh. It’s actually not that big a risk. If we somehow happen to lose, we can always just do “one-time-only” teaming every week like D-X and the Hardys.
Amn: Hardyz.
SYB: What?
Amn: Hardyz. With a Z.
SYB: Really?
Skurge: Yeah. Hardyz, Hardy Boyz, it’s retarded.
SYB: It really is.
Skurge: But again, you have a point. Those one-time-only teams never lose, so if we lose this week we’ll be unstoppable. We can just keep not being a team and winning for years.
DM: This is all true, guys, but you should still really try to win this week. If IHOP is officially disbanded, my OOWF manager’s contract is voided and Fezzik loses his green card.
Skurge: Well, we can’t have that. Don’t worry, we won’t lose. I really didn’t need any added incentive. I want those Chimpionships back where they belong. But now that it’s all or nothing, well, I guess there’s no reason to hold back.
Amn: Alright then. Let’s talk strategy.

*As the five members of IHOP lean in around the table to discuss the nuts and bolts, we *FADE*

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is STANDING~! in the foyer of the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels in what is becoming a very familiar theme for the champ after a show. He's got a small carry-on and a laptop on his shoulder. What IS much different though is that there is noticeably less luggage this time. In fact, there's just one more carry-on sized bag on the floor outside Davin's Suite. The door's open and, as usual, Samantha is inside*

SD: Where's my fucking hairbrush?

DM: At the house, honey.

SD: No, the good one.

DM: Yeah, the house.

SD: What about my toothbrush? The really good electric one, not that shitty plain one I had to use last...

DM: At the house, babe.

SD: I don't see my cotton balls.

DM: Those stupid organic ones?

SD: Yeah, have you seen them?

DM: Yeah, at the house where you fucking left them.

*Samantha walks out of the suite*

SD: Don't be a jerk.

*We finally get a good look at Davin, and he's in rough shape it seems; a couple of bandages on his head, and definitely some bruising*

DM: Sorry, I'm cranky and I want to go.

SD: It's just weird, it seems like I don't have anything here anymore.

DM: Probably because you've spent the last month surreptitiously moving everything you own into the house.

SD: I HAVE not.

DM: Oh really? *picks up the carry-on bag on the floor* This is everything you're bringing with you. Know why? Everything you own is at the house except this.

SD: Is that a problem?

DM: Clearly not; in fact, I'm happy about it. Just stop being so dense. We've been "living together in sin" for months now. 6 and a half more years and we're common-law married in the Commonwealth.

SD: Isn't there a common-law prenupt?

DM: I should look into it. You're totally a gold digger.

*Samantha punches Davin in the shoulder*

DM: Ow.

*Alexis notices the scene and comes over*

LD: Are you fucking leaving again?

DM: Um...I dunno, what do you think, Sammy-poo?

SD: I dunno, Davi-Dear...I think we're fucking leaving.

LD: UGH! Stop being such a bitch!

DM: Then stop being such a cock-block. We'll see you before Mayhem.

LD: Ok 1) I am not cock-blocking and 2) You looked like shit out there tonight.

DM: I know, but thanks to the GOOD Darling Sister, I still won.

SD: Thank you sweetie.

DM: You're welcome honey-pie.

LD: You're doing the nauseating nickname thing because I'm here, right?

DM: Yes.

SD: Did you have a point here, Alexis, or are you really just cock-blocking?

LD: I AM NOT COCK-BLOCKING!

DM: Then what's the point?

LD: The point, asshole, is that YOU look like shit out there; and it will come to a point where not even my sister can't help you.

DM: I doubt that.

LD: DO you?

DM: Yeah. I mean, so the matches are going longer than they should. I mean, Crete's supposed to be good, right?

LD: The 10-minute surfboard hold sucked.

SD: I thought it was very psychological.

LD: Of COURSE you do, Yoko.

SD: Stop with that shit, Alexis.

DM: Lexie, you should be concentrating more on making up for the trios belts with other people in this locker room, than worry about how I'm winning.

LD: You're really gonna throw that in my face again?

DM: Hey, I'm just saying. You should be worrying less about ME and worry about yourself. *I* am fine. Clearly.

LD: We need an Executive Partner's Meeting.

DM: Fine, when?

LD: Tomorrow.

DM: Sorry, can't do it. How about Wednesday before Mayhem?

LD: How about you worry about someone OTHER THAN YOURSELF?!?

DM: How about you shouldn't be telling the World Champ what to do. I'm your meal ticket. Don't you EVER forget that. You ready, Sam?

SD: Been ready.

DM: Let's go. Have a great weekend, Sexy Lexie.

*They leave, Alexis starts punching the wall. Alexander catches her and stops her*

AD: Alexis! What the fuck are you doing?

LD: This can't CONTINUE, Brother Dear. Your World Champion doesn't seem to care that he sucks in the ring nowadays.

AD: Sister dear, did I say I'd take care of it?

LD: You did.

AD: Then I'll take care of it. You need to worry about you.

LD: NOW YOU SOUND LIKE HIM!

AD: And he's right. C'mon, I want to show you something.

*fade*

[National Champion Chris Cole]

Opening Shot is Springfield Memorial Hospital. Sexy Female Journalist #15 is on the scene in Room 421 with the Onslaught Champion, “The Main Event” Chris Cole.

SFJ: Chris, how is your health following the attacks after your match by Alexander Darling and Run DEA?

CC: I’m going to be just fine. I was held here overnight and I should be getting my release papers sometime tonight. I’ll be sure to make it to Springfield.

SFJ: We are in Springfield.

CC: Springfield, North Carolina.

SFJ: Isn’t that where we are now?

CC: We are in Springfield, South Carolina.

SFJ: Are you sure?

CC: Pretty sure.

SFJ: What did you think of the crowd reaction you received last night?

CC: I was a bit surprised. I’m guessing that the crowd is finding my Old School Onslaught Title reign to be nostalgic. And fans are stupid. They will cheer for anything or anybody is it is nostalgic.

SFJ: Are you going to keep the fans on your side if you continue to call them stupid?

CC: Honestly, I don’t care. I’m Chris Cole. You either like me or you don’t. You either cheer me or boo me. It really doesn’t matter to me.

SFJ: If you had to choose which do you prefer?

CC: I prefer whichever one keeps the belt around my waist. When I was World Heavyweight Champion it what because I was a ruthless bastard who did anything to get to the top. During that time I preferred the boos. It meant I did my job. Right now I might just prefer the cheers. Since my return my win/loss record is significantly better as a babyface.

SFJ: Kayfabe?

CC: Rumor has it Kayfabe was pronounced legally dead sometime last night. Might have been a morphine induced dream though.

SFJ: So Chris Cole, you are going to be released soon and have the fans seemingly on your side. You face Alexander Darling again next week. How will you be able to defeat him again especially considering the beating you took from Run DEA?

CC: Seems not that long ago that the roles were reversed. Darling was the Champion and nursing a hurt shoulder and I kept on injuring him week after week in hopes of softening him up. Darling found the will to hang on to his title. I promise you that I will do the same. Alex can bring his goons from Run DEA before the match and after the match. But during the match I have Darling all to myself and I will continue to prove that I’m the better wrestler.

SFJ: What are your thoughts of Run DEA? Some have compared them to 3 Piece Set.

CC: I think the comparison is more then fair. Hell Run DEA has a lot more depth then we ever had. The Set was always a 3 man operation. We held the Tag Titles & Onslaught Title at the same time and then later the World Heavyweight Title & the Tag Titles. But Run DEA is a different beast. They have a dominating tag team in Phantos & Lucios. They dominate like nobody since Ax & I. So that tags are a staple of both The Set and Run DEA. The difference is 3 legitimate singles stars instead of one. Firewomen is a former Onslaught Champion, albeit when the title was far less prestigious then it is now. Darling is a former Intercontinental Champion and he is proving to be worthy as a contender for my Onslaught Title. And then there is Davin Moreland. Davin & I have been through a few wars and I’m man enough to say that he ended up on top of both. So if he is deserving of his spot as World Heavyweight Champion.

SFJ: How it almost sounds like you……admire Run DEA.

CC: They have a lot of qualities that I once found endearing. But I have a message for those of you who might admire Run DEA. Enjoy it now. It won’t last too much longer. I’m on a mission to take down Run DEA. First it is going to be Darling. When I’m through with him he is going to be lucky if he still has a job. Then one by one I’m going to dispatch the faction saving Davin Moreland for last. Davin, if Eric O’Mac hasn’t already taken your World Heavyweight Championship by then I’m letting you know now that I will. I’ve got plenty of payback that needs to be delivered. Once I’ve stripped you of your allies I’m going to strip you of your titles. And then when there is nothing left but the shell of your formal self I’m sure the brass at your precious sponsors like Aquafina & Dunkin Donuts will leave as well. The road might be long but your day will come, Davin Moreland. Mark my words your day will come.

SFJ: Thank you Chris.

[BC]

Selena basically spins in circles, looking for any clue on which way to go. After a few moments, she drops to the forest floor and pouts.

Voice: Hello little one…

Selena looks up towards the voice and sees Moosehead Jack sitting on a low hanging branch in front of her.

SG: Uncle Moose!

MHJ: If Selena’s alone in the forest and know one knows where she is…is she really lost?

SG: Uh…yeah! You gotta help me! I don’t know where I am or where to go!

MHJ: You know where to go.

SG: No, I don’t!

MHJ: Yes you do.

Selena crosses her arms in frustration and pouts.

SG: Please tell me.

Moosehead Jack sighs.

MHJ: You have to move forward.

SG: But which way?

MHJ: Forward is only one way.

Selena just stares at Moosehead Jack. She shakes her head and starts walking forward under the limb he’s sitting on, looking up at him as she goes under. Once she reaches the other side, she looks back and he’s gone.

SG: *mutters* Thanks Uncle Moose.

Selena walks for a while before hearing the sounds of people moving, talking, and laughing. She runs towards the sounds, but then stops in her tracks at what she sees.

She sees a table, sitting in the middle of the forest. She watches Seamus McNasty walking around the table, laughing heartily as he gulps down a mug of some beverage. Seated at either side of the table are Phantos and Lucios, Tag Team Titles draped over their shoulders.

SG: *mutters* I hate those guys…

She can not see who’s sitting at the far head of the table between them, but she can hear them.

Unknown Person: Please, have some tea…

P: Nope, I have all I need here with my Aquafina

L: Here’s to clean living buckaroo…

Phantos and Lucios toast with their water bottles.

SM: More for me then!

Seamus grabs another mug.

SM: You throw a great party Alex!

Selena’s eyes grow wide.

SG: Alex…Alexander…

Selena moves closer, but then trips over a root. Everyone stops talking and look at her. She rises slowly and sees Alexander Darling for the first time. He’s seated at the far head of table, his hands folded in a pyramid in front of his face. He has a large top hat on his head and a wicked grin. He looks at Selena and smacks his lips.

AD: Welcome Selena. Won’t you come to my party?

Alexander spreads his arms in welcoming gesture.

AD: Stay…have a piece…

SG: Piece of what?

Alexander Darling grins wickedly.

to be continued

[Jack Quinn]

<Kincaid helps Storm get to his feet, but it is clear that Storm needs more help than Kincaid can give him. Someone summons an ambulance and they load Storm into the back, and we hear Kincaid tell Storm that he will meet him at the hospital. The Ambulance drives off and Kincaid stands there for a moment too shaken to move. When he does finally head back to the arena, he gets to the door and notices that Moosehead Jack has been watching the events unfold. Kincaid stares at him, but does not say a word>

MHJ: This could have been avoided

Kincaid:<clearly distracted by the events> I should have........I mean I........I never expected THIS.......He is my mentor, he has helped me through so much.....

MHJ: and now he is gone

<Kincaid's head snaps around around and he glares at Moose>

TK: He's not dead

MHJ: He might as well be. He is in the hospital and he is gone from the OOWF. You know what that means, right?

TK: I........its not........

MHJ: You are on your own Kincaid, No one has your back.

TK: I.......I don't need anyone. Storm has shown me I can rely on myself

<this seems to steel Kincaid's nerves and he moves toward the door, but Moose steps in front of him>

MHJ: How bout a little something to take the edge off Kincaid. All this with Storm has to be stressing you out right about now

<Moose pulls a little bottle of pills out of his pocket and shows them to Kincaid. Kincaid's eyes dart around to see if anyone is looking and he starts to reach out to take them, but then something stops him and he snarls at Moose and shoves him aside>

TK: I don't need those. I don't need their help, and I don't need YOUR help. I can do this on my own, and you are going to see that first hand at Mayhem

<Kincaid shoves past Moose and heads back into the building, Moose watches him go and laughs to himself>

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*FADE IN TO THE HALLWAY OF RANDOM ENCOUNTERS WHERE WE SEE SYB & SKURGE WALKING~!*

SYB: How the fuck are we gonna beat Girls & Muppets?

Skurge: And don’t forget aboot Erica Mac.

SYB: Her too.

Suddenly a man enters the hallway from an unmarked door. The man appears to be in his 50s and has a charcoal-colored ponytail that matches his trenchcoat.

Man: Greetings, my excellent friends.

SYB: Excuse me, do you know how we’re gonna get our chimp belts back?

Man: Don’t ask me… ask them. <He nods toward the door>

<SYB and Skurge look at each other and shrug. Skurge opens the door to find two guys in their 30s. The short, balding one is typing something on the computer, while the tall, hairy one in playing Rock Band.>

Skurge: <to the man> The fuck is this aboot?

Man: Skurge, Solly… meet Michael Hodge and Fred Solomon.

Skurge: Fred Solomon? Like the ex-football player?

SYB: Are you serious? Look at that mook. The closest he got to football was Tecmo.

<The four men meet in the middle of the room. SYB and the shorter guy stare at each other, while Skurge and the taller one mimic each other’s moves.>

SYB: This is weird, it’s like my twin or something.

Skurge: The two of you look like a pair of golf flags.

<Skurge and Michael laugh while SYB and Fred seethe>

Michael: Listen up, eh? You’re not going to believe this but we created you and we control you. We can’t always be around but if you listen to Rufus <he points at the man in the trenchcoat>, you’ll be able to get those Campeonas de Trios belts back.

Skurge: That’s Chimpanzees Del Toro, chief.

Michael: Sorry, eh?

SYB: You created us? Bullshit. My lord and savior Yahweh created me in a moment of brilliance.

Fred: Shut the fuck up Joo boy <to Michael> I always wanted to say that, eh? <back to SYB> Just listen to this George Carlin-lookin’ motherfucker and you’ll get your gold back. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have lives to get back to.

Skurge: Really?

Fred: Well not really… I have to look for a job and homeboy over there <nods toward Michael> has to keep fixing mistakes by those dumb fuck designers.

Skurge: But what aboot The Amnesiac?

Michael: What aboot him? You already met The Demko.

SYB: THE Demko? What happened to Michael?

Fred: Well he thinks his shit don’t stink, so he’s THE Demko… as if there can only be one. Anyway he’s on his honeymoon so when he comes back, we’ll get The Amnesiac angle all straighted out.

Skurge & Michael: Oot.

SYB: Angle?

Fred: Never mind. Let’s just go. The Jenns will be home soon and whatnot.

Michael: Yup. Peace oot, boys.

<Fred and Michael get into a conveniently placed phone booth and disappear in a flash>

Rufus: Gentlemen, let’s make history.

*FADE*

[fasteddie]

(The camera comes up on Tytan and Poe we see Poe in the background only doing the things that Poe and a few others can actually understand what he is doing.)

Tytan: IHOP it's simple we have kicked your asses from one end of Springfield to the other. We have broken your bones and made you bleed. Next week we end your existance. Face it the titles are ours you can't beat us. You never will beat us! It's time for the Gods and Monsters to put you pathetic clowns out of out misery and the rest of the OOWF's misery forever. So count the days and ejoy them because they will be the last for IHOP.

(Fade)

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade into an in no way, shape, or form palatial phone booth. Michael Hodge and Fred Solomon are navigating the streams of time. They quickly arrive at their destination in a blinding flash of light…

FS: Whoa. Where are we, dude?
MH: Uh, this looks a lot like the hallway of random encounters, eh?
FS: No way.
MH: Totarry. Look: there’s SYB, Skurge, and Rufus right there. Encounters don’t get much more random than that.
FS: That is random! Something strange is afoot in the hallway of random encounters.
Rufus: Ah, shit. You entered the wrong number. You landed at the exact point in time that you left from.
FS & MH: EXCELLENT~!
Rufus: No, not excellent. You guys are really starting to piss me off. Look, there’s a whole phone book right here to choose numbers from. Pick something that isn’t right now.
FS: Oh, okay, Rufus dude. Hey SYB!
SYB: Uh, hey.
FS: Whatever happens, don’t forget to wind your watch!
SYB: It’s digital.
FS: Oh. Well then get a new battery.
Skurge: I told you you should’ve replaced that calculator watch.
SYB: Hey! I’ve had this thing for 15 years. Why would I get rid of it now? Anyway, Fred, any other advice?
FS: I got nothin. Hoodge?
MH: …Oh. Say hi to the princesses.
SYB & Skurge: Princesses?
MH: Well, Firewoman and Selena. You’ll see.
SYB & Skurge: EXCELLENT~!
Rufus: Fuck. Just when I thought this was going to be easy. Look, Michael, Fred, come with me.

*Rufus leads the men back to the phone booth…

Rufus: Okay, quit being a couple of cunts and focus for a minute. You’ve got writing to do or these guys are never going to get those belts back. If that happens, IHOP is done with, and you guys have to write completely independent promos.
MH: Dude. That’s not cool. Where’s the fun?
FS: Totarry.
Rufus: So get in the phone booth, go home, and write a promo that takes care of those cocksuckers.
MH: IHOP?
Rufus: No, you dumb Canuck motherfucker. Gods & Monsters and Eric O’Mac.
MH: Oh. Well, you could’ve been clearer.
Rufus: Jesus. You’re as useless as tits on a bull. Just go write the promo.
FS: Fine. But I need a quarter to make the phone booth work. I’m not using any more of my change.
Rufus: Wha– it doesn’t take money, you stupid joo. Just get the fuck out of here.

*Michael and Fred get into the phone booth and hit some buttons, little realizing that they hold the fate of the entire universe in their hands as they disappear once more in a blinding flash of light and we *FADE*

[BC]

AD: You know, you really have a nice rack.

SG: Hey! I’m only sixteen and that’s inappropriate.

Alexander points to her like he knows something. Selena looks down and somehow she’s holding a tray of mushrooms and tea.

SG: Oh…

Selena sits the tray on the table. Phantos and Lucios both look at the tray like they’ve never seen food before.

AD: Now now fellas, Selena here is our guest. She gets first dibs.

SG: I don’t think I want any of your food, especially when it appears out of thin air like that.

Alexander shakes his head. He gets up and walks around the table to stand in front of her. Selena takes a step back to keep some distance between them.

AD: Little Selena, you don’t have to worry about me. I wouldn’t harm you. Don’t you like me?

Alexander tries to caress Selena’s face, but she steps away from his reach. Alexander smiles and grabs a mushroom off the tray.

AD: Here, eat; you’ve had a long day. My sister Samantha made them especially for you.

Selena suddenly realizes how hungry she is and takes the mushroom from Alexander. As she bites into it, she hears Phantos and Lucios laugh. Seamus just continues to drink. Suddenly Selena begins to feel faint. She leans forward and collapses into Alexander’s arms.

AD: That a girl…lemme help you.

Alexander lifts Selena and lays her on the table. Selena looks side to side as Phantos and Lucios stand to look over her. Phantos places his hand on her stomach and rubs gently. Something awakes in Selena and she reaches over and smacks Phantos as hard as she can. She then kicks Alexander in the chin, and then sits up and spits red mist at Lucios. Lucios screams as Selena slides off the table, running past Seamus who just watches her leave as he continues drinking.

SM: Feed your head, lass!

Selena runs through the forest again for what seems like hours until the forest suddenly ends. Selena slowly walks out into a vast rose field. The roses are red and white in a checkerboard pattern. She slowly begins to walk through them when she sees a tall man pruning roses ahead. She immediately recognizes the man as Tytan.

SG: Tytan!!

Selena rushes towards Tytan, who does not move in reaction to her calling out to him. She runs over to him and stands before him.

SG: Tytan! You gotta help me…and what are you doing here?

Tytan slowly looks up from his pruning. He simply stares a hole into her.

SG: Tytan? What’s wrong?

Tytan keeps staring at her.

SG: Tytan, you’re scaring me.

Tytan drops his tools and slowly removes his gloves, the whole time not taking his eyes off of Selena. He then grabs Selena and flings her over his shoulder.

SG: Hey! Tytan! Dammit, put me down!

T: Intruder you are.

SG: I’m your friend!

T: No friends do I have.

SG: Who died and made you Yoda?

Tytan does not speak again as he carries Selena. Selena initially pounds on his back, trying to get free but finally realizes it’s futile and just allows Tytan to carry her for what seems like forever. She can tell she’s been brought into a large building from the trailing view she’s getting.

Finally Tytan drops her hard onto a linoleum floor.

SG: Ow!

T: In the Rose Garden, an intruder was found.

Selena looks up and whoever Tytan is talking to is being covered from view by what look like two large playing cards. The cards have a large heart with the letters D-E-A running diagonal across the heart.

Black gloved hands appear to push the cards aside. Selena’s eyes grow wide and her jaw drops as she looks at Alexis Darling appears before her on a throne.

LD: Well then…You know what happens to intruders…

to be continued…

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is walking out of her locker room, in her riding gear, carrying one bag and her Arai motorcycle helmet, with Lucky following behind with a bag, a clipboard, and a cell phone.

L: I’m just saying that I think that if we did an analysis of how many top of the card “entertainers” the WWE had based on how much time they spent injured, we’d see a fairly important—

FW: [sighing with exasperation ] Yes, we might, Lucky, but remember the question you are supposed to ask yourself before you go down these roads?

L: Oh…uh, yeah…. “Would anyone care?”

FW: Exactly….

As Firewoman and Lucky exit the locker room door, with Lucky pausing to grab the sign, Austin Aries and Tyler Black come around the corner. Firewoman is surprised to come face to face with one of her first trainers.

FW: Oh…wow.

AA: Good to see you, too.

FW: What are you doing here?

AA: Two things. Wanted to see how our protégés were doing.

FW: Then you saw that bullshit at the end…

AA: Yes. You’ve certainly made connections in all the right places. Oh, we took care of Lance for you too. I doubt he’ll be coming back even after his 90-day ban is up.

Austin and Tyler laugh.

AA: Secondly, you need a refresher course. Both you and Alexander do, and probably Alexis.

FW: Excuse me? I’ve been here a year. I’ve been Onslaught Champion, I’ve—

AA: Yeah, Storm Wrestling Academy may have refined your skill, but you’ve lost your edge. So me and Tyler here… have you met Tyler?

Tyler Black steps up, wearing jeans, an off white shirt with three buttons at the neckline (unbuttoned), and a black leather blazer-like jacket. He offers his hand out.

TB: Good to meet you. I’ve been following your career, very impressive.

FW: [extending her hand slowly] Hi, good to meet you too. [She pauses for a moment then turns back to Aries] I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am better than I ever was, and I think I just proved that.

AA: You’re greatest strength was that rage. Storm and yeah, your boyfriend, have suppressed that. We’re here, at Alexander’s invitation, to correct that.

FW: Interesting. [Her eyes flicker over to Tyler and the back to Aries] Well, I’m taking the motorcycle. Lucky is my assistant and he’ll show you—

TB: Oh…nice, an assistant.

AA: An assistant, a custom bike. I can see where you’ve gotten soft.

FW: Yeah. Anyway, see you in the next town.

[BC]

SG: What happens…

Alexis grins at Selena.

LD: Off with your head dear.

Alexis laughs as she takes a sip of cognac and smells the three red roses in her lap. Selena does a double take at that. From somewhere, Selena can hear Eric O’Mac scream “HA!”

SG: You’re gonna decapitate me for trespassing?! Is that the right word?

LD: No dear, I’m gonna decapitate you for simply being you.

Unknown Voice: Now, now, you can’t just kill the girl…

Davin Moreland enters the room and takes the throne next to Alexis.

LD: Why not?!

DM: Because go fuck yourself that’s why.

Alexis goes to slap Davin, but Davin catches her hand.

DM: She’s a young girl. She’s at least entitled to a trial.

Alexis crosses her arms and slouches as she pouts.

LD: But they’re so boring.

DM: It’ll be a little one. Now, Selena, do you have a character witness?

SG: Uh…no…

LD: Oh! I know just the person!

Guards come and take Selena to a small holding cell. Once inside, Eric O’Mac appears before her.

EOM: HA!

SG: Stop doing that! Are you gonna help me?

EOM: Why would I help you?

SG: Because you and Master are partners…

EOM: I’m partners with no one, you understand? I was DEA once ya know…

SG: Are you now?

Eric touches the side of his nose as guards come to get Selena.

SG: Already?

The guards drag Selena back towards the throne room. Selena calls back behind her.

SG: Eric! Help me!

Selena is tossed to the floor by the guards in front of the two thrones. Selena looks up and sees Alexis and Davin staring down at her.

LD: Off with her head!

Davin annoyingly looks at Alexis.

DM: She has to plea first…

LD: How do you plea?

Before Selena can speak, she’s interrupted.

Voice: She’s guilty, guilty, guilty.

Selena looks and sees Alexander approaching the thrones.

LD: Ah brother dear, thank you for being our character witness.

SG: Oh geez…

Alexis stands to greet Alexander and kisses him passionately. Davin simply rolls his eyes.

SG: Eww! That’s disgusting!

They continue to kiss. Their tongues kick the sides of each other mouths and cheeks. Alexander grabs Alexis’ leg and pulls it to his side.

SG: I’m gonna hurl…

Alexis moans as the smacking and sucking sounds grow louder.

DM: Are you done yet?

Alexis breaks the kiss and looks back to Davin.

LD: Fine.

Alexis takes a seat back on her throne as all attention is back on Selena.

LD: Now?

Davin sighs.

DM: Fine…go ahead and say it…

LD: Off with her head!

SG: What? That’s not a trial!

Selena is suddenly grabbed from behind.

SG: Hey, lemme go!

Selena realizes it’s Tytan who has her.

SG: Tytan, please, lemme go!

Tytan tosses her down to the ground on her hands and knees. He grabs her by the hair and pulls her towards a pedestal. He holds her head down on the pedestal.

SG: HELP ME!!!

Unknown Voice: I wouldn’t do that if I were you…

Everyone looks towards the voice and sees Moosehead Jack sitting on one of the open walls.

LD: Moosehead Jack! Get him! Off with his head! Both heads!

Tytan lets go of Selena and starts towards Moosehead Jack. Suddenly a swarm of flying monkies fly over the wall. The monkies begin to attack everyone gathered for the trial.

LD: They’re in my hair! Get ‘em out get ‘em out get ‘em out!

Selena sits in front of the pedestal in awed confusion. She looks at Moosehead Jack, who hasn’t moved from the wall. Moosehead Jack points to a door. Selena sees it and takes off towards it. She dodges a few flying monkies and bolts through the door.

Once through the door, Selena stops in shock. Ahead of her is a yellow brick road that branches three ways over rolling green hills.

SG: You’ve got to be kidding me; this isn’t even the same movie!

to be continued…

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

OOC: Exalt for BD! Nice banner ad on the profile, by the way.

[Jack Quinn]

The idea for this came from here

<Fear us are sitting in a bar, which may or may not be the Destroyitarium>

OBJ: So, I got a massage the other day

LDW: Yeah? How was it?

OBJ: It was pretty fucking amazing.

LDW: Was the girl cute at least?

OBJ: You have no idea

<short pause>

OBJ: Felt real good. Like sex or something, like oral sex if you do it right, the woman melts, thats how I felt

LDW: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a bitch out, and givin' a bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fuckin' thing.

OBJ: It's not. It's the same ballpark.

LDW: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin' a lady's feet, and stickin' your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.

LDW: Have you ever given a foot massage?

OBJ: [scoffs] Don't be tellin' me about foot massages. I'm the foot fuckin' master.

LDW: Given a lot of 'em?

OBJ: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be ticklin' or nothin'.

LDW: Would you give a guy a foot massage?

[OBJ gives LD a long look, realizing he's been set up]

OBJ: Fuck you.

LDW: You give them a lot?

OBJ: Fuck you.

LDW: You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.

OBJ: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here.

<Just then, The Chickenshit Heels walk into the bar, completely unaware of the conversation that just took place. Jack jumps off the bar stool and charges across the room, grabbing a pool cue along the way. The Heels don't even have time to move before Jack is on them wailing away>

JA: WHAT THE HELL!!!

AA: WE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING................YET

<The camera shifts back to LD Williams who finishes his drink and slowly turns and slides off the bar stool just as Jack sends Adrenaline stumbling toward him. Williams catches him and slams him in the face with a headbut. The camera pans to the outside of the bar and fades as we still hear the Heels yelling in pain amid the crashing of breaking furniture>

[Mr. Dashbee]

The scene opens with Bryce Larson backstage, by himself, with just the camera man.

BL: Where is the SFJ? Do I not even get one? What the fuck?

Cameraman: We're live, by the way.

BL: What? Oh shit--I mean crap!

Larson resets and starts hsi promo...

BL: Bryce Larson here, the latest and greatest addition to the OOWF roster! And it will be my pleasure to show each of you my skills. I'm sure you've heard of me, my videos are all over YouTube, and I am proud to say that I have held these nine titles on the indies.

[Camera pans to the titles on 2 folding chairs next to Larson's bags]

BL: But now it's time for my game to get elevated to the next level, on a world wide stage!

SFJ #6.5 walks through the room. She's a 6.5, but I'd still do her]

BL: Hey, there you are! Are you here to interview me?

SFJ6.5: Who are you? Oh, you're that new guy, Larson? Brock Larson, right? Yeah, I'm just walking through, sorry.

BL: Um, it's Bryce. Brock Larson's an MMA fighter. But come here, let's talk.

[Larson drags her over by the microphone, since all SFJs have to carry them around]

BL: Now, onto Mr. Dean Kriz-wicky, my opponent for Midweek Mayhem--

SFJ6.5: It's Sher-shef-sky, not Kriz-wicky.

BL: Yeah, right, Sher-shef-sky. I don't recall seeing an S, H, or F anywhere in the guy's name. So, Dean Kriz-wicky, I'm the king of the indiea, and I don't have a damn clue who you are! Obviously it doesn't matter, this is my time to shine. I'm fiercely independent, an independent superstar ... hey, that might make a good third nickname! The Independent Superstar, Bryce Larson! anyway ... I've been in his business for 8 years. 8 YEARS! [Larson starts to get a little upset, kinda angry, actually.] No WWE developmental contract. WCW told me I was too small. TNA said they don't have space for me, when it should be obvious to them that siging me would reignite the X-Division! Ring of Honor said I won't fit their roster. The Old School Revolution never responds to the videos I send them! But the OOWF, they made a good decision. Dean Kriz-wicky, maybe I'll hit you with the Shinobi's Rage. I might trap you in the Dragon's Lair, or maybe I'll bust out Harry, Ron & Hermoine! But no matter what, this is my time to shine, and you're going to be Exhibit A! Look at all of the indy breakout stars. AJ Styles...Christopher Daniels...Samoa Joe...CM Punk! All world champions. I'm next! I'M NEXT!

[Larson brings himself back together, smoothing out his shirt, saying a quick apology to SFJ6.5]

BL: Thank you.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

<We fade back in to Fred Solomon and Michael Hodge in their time-traveling phone booth as they hit their next destination. They open the door and immediately bump into a middle-aged man wearing a Cubs hat>

FS: Holy shit… Nate?

Nate Corbitt: What are you looking at, buttheads?

FS: It’s us, Solly and Hodgey!

NC: What the fuck? What’s with the phone booth?

FS: Don’t worry about it… where the hell are we?

NC: <knocks on Fred’s head> Hello? Anybody home? Think Solly think. Where do you think you are?

<Fred looks around and sees grown men wearing overalls and nothing else>

FS: Asheville!

NC: Give the Joo a cigar!

FS: But you look so… so… so… old.

NC: Duh. It’s 2015 and I’m 42.

MH: <under his breath> Holy shit.

FS: I know. So what’s up, Little Man Nate?

NC: Are you guys still doing your fantasy wrestling shit?

MH: Yup.

NC: NERDS~! While you were playing Dungeons and Dragons with your fake wrestlers, you missed this.

<He shows them a newspaper>

FS: Cubs win World Series… against Miami?

NC: I wish I could go back in time, put some money on the Cubbies!

FS: That’s a great idea <he looks around and sees an antique store> … we gotta go.

MH: Take it easy, eh?

<The two head off toward the store while Corbitt examines the phone booth>

NC: What the hell is this?

<The camera now zooms in on a book in the antique store:
“Gray’s Almanac - The Complete History of the OOWF: 2004-2014”>

MH: <flips through it> This is fantastic. There’s one chapter dedicated to the 20 Darling siblings.

FS: <takes the book from MH> Chapter 5: Firewoman Loves Chocolate. This is boring. Where’s the good stuff?

MH: Check oot near the back.

FS: <thumbs more pages> Sweet. October 26, 2008. OOWF Doomy Doomy Doom Doom V PPV. Moose, Tyson, trust me, blah blah blah. Look - we go back in time and bet on the OOWF. We can’t lose!

MH: Can you bet on the OOWF?

FS: Absolutely. Why else would AA be in it?

MH: Totarry. Pay the lady for the book.

<Fred shoots him a look>

MH: Chief, it’s either this or you buy me a beer. And you know I don’t stop at one, like SOME people.

FS: Jesus Christ, we can’t even travel through time without you wanting a drink?

MH: Withoot.

FS: Fuck the oot shit, when are we gonna address your drinking problem?

MH: Get me a drink, we won’t have a problem.

<Fred throws a couple of bills on the counter in disgust as they leave the store and walk over to a nearby bar>

MH: <bellows> A bottle of Labatt Genuine for me and some club soda for my frie…

<SMASH~! A baseball bat cracks Hodge in the head and then Solomon in the back. A small hand takes the almanac from Solomon’s jacket.>

FS: MOTHERFUCKER!

<The scene starts to dissolve from their POV. The time travelers begin to come around and we see them struggle to get up>

FS: The book, where’s the fucking book? <He looks outside> Where’s the phone booth?

MH: Fuck that noise – where’s Nate?

*FADE OUT*

[BC]

Selena stares at the yellow brick road for a few moments.

SG: I’m going crazy. If anyone knows a Disney movie it’s me and this isn’t Alice in Wonderland anymore. That’s it, no more hookah for me.

Voice: You’re not crazy. You’re mad.

Selena looks to her right and sees Moosehead Jack standing beside her. Moosehead Jack looks down at her.

MHJ: You’re mad, I’m mad, we’re all mad here.

SG: This isn’t Wonderland anymore, this is Oz!

MHJ: There’s no divide when you’re mad.

They stand quietly for a few moments.

SG: So which way do I go, and if you say ‘forward’ I’m gonna kick you in the nuts.

Moosehead Jack looks down at Selena with a smile.

MHJ: You cannot go back. You have to move…ahead.

Selena growls in frustration and anger and starts down the center fork. She then looks back towards Moosehead Jack.

SG: So are you gon…

Moosehead Jack is gone.

SG: Great. He’s gone again.

Selena travels down the yellow brick road for a ways when she passes a farm.

Voice: Psst.

Selena stops and looks all around. The only thing she sees is a Scarecrow in one of the fields.

V: Psst.

Selena realizes it’s the scarecrow and walks towards it.

SG: Talking scarecrows, of course. Hello?

SC: Hi!

Selena then realizes hung up as a scarecrow is the Amnesiac.

SG: Amnesiac, what are you doing up there?

A: Who’s the Amnesiac?

SG: You stupid, what are you doing up there?

A: There’s a lot you don’t know about me.

Selena shakes her head and starts back towards the yellow brick road.

A: You gonna get me down?

SG: You gonna help me get home?

A: I can try.

Selena sighs and unties the ropes holding the Amnesiac on the post. As she does an angry little man comes running towards them.

LM: What are you doing?! That’s my scarecrow!

SG: Who’s that?

A: I forgot.

Selena slaps the Amnesiac.

A: Oh, now I remember. That’s one of the munchkin farmers. His name is Pun.

SG: Pun?

A: Yeah, that’s Pun’s house over there.

SG: That’s Pun’s House?

A: Yep.

SG: Okay…

Pun grabs Selena by the leg.

P: Gimme my scarecrow!

SG: Get off me little dude!

Selena leans down and spits red mist into Pun’s face. Pun screams, holding his face as he falls to the ground. Selena takes the Amnesiac by the hand and leads him to the yellow brick road quickly.

A: How did you do that?

SG: I dunno, this has gotta be a dream or something, so just go with it.

A: Do you know where you’re going?

SG: No, do you?

A: I never do.

SG: Awesome.

They walk for a ways until they walk past another field where Selena once again hears a ‘psst.’

SG: Now who’s this gonna be?

Selena and the Amnesiac look into the field and see a man standing about fifty yard away. They approach him and as they do, Selena recognizes him as Skurge.

SG: Great…you.

S: Help… me.

A: Why are you talking like that friend?

S: Frozen.

SG: In this weather?

S: Canadian…cold…frozen.

SG: Oy. I guess he needs body heat.

Selena sighs and she hugs Skurge. The Amnesiac takes the cue and hugs him too.

SG: Well this is awkward.

Finally the ice melts and Skurge is free.

S: I cannot thank you enough.

SG: Will you help me get home?

S: Where aboot do you live?

SG: I don’t know. Not here. This place is weird and scary.

S: You helped me, so I shall help you.

The three of them make their way back to the yellow brick road.

S: You don’t have any Molson on ya do ya?

SG: I’m sixteen! I don’t drink.

S: Nonsense, I had my first beer when I was aboot twelve.

SG: Canadians are weird.

The three make their way down the yellow brick road until interrupted by a girlish scream. Skurge and the Amnesiac look at Selena.

SG: Dudes, it wasn’t me.

Suddenly what looks like a lion with a large nose comes charging at them. Selena does scream this time and hides behind Skurge. The lion stops in front of Skurge and the Amnesiac.

L: You gotta help me! She’s after me!

Selena recognizes the voice.

SG: SYB? Solly?

SYB: Do I know you?

SG: Jesus tap dancing Christ, it’s an IHOP reunion here.

S: I love pancakes.

Selena then laughs as she looks at SYB.

SG: Okay, dude, your nose is huge.

SYB looks at the Amnesiac.

SYB: You look familiar…

A: There’s a lot you don’t know about me…

SG: We get it!

Suddenly there’s an explosion from the direction in which SYB came from. Flames engulf the trees alongside the yellow brick road. The four get to the center of the yellow brick road for protection from the flames. Out of the flames a figure makes its way out.

SYB: Oh no…she’s found me! You gotta protect me!

Selena watches in awe as the figure of FireWoman appears before them from the flames. She laughs maniacally.

FW: This sparkles well with me Solly. You led me straight to her.

SYB: Her?

SYB points towards Selena with his paw.

FW: Yes, her. I’m gonna get you my pretty.

to be continued

[The Canadian Content]

***OOC: I'm getting an exalt in for BC now. I'm sure more will follow.

[BC]

SYB: We’re all gonna die!

FireWoman saunters slowly towards them.

FW: Yes…yes you will, starting with you my pretty. Now I just need some eye of newt…

Suddenly a voice interrupts them from afar.

Voice: Fear not citizens! I will save the day!

Concrete Takaken Gryfon swoops down from the sky and stands between FireWoman and the four travelers posing as all superheroes do.

SYB: Okay, there wasn’t a superhero in the Wizard of Oz

SG: Whatever! Who cares! Run! Let the masked freak take her on!

As Selena, the Amnesiac, Skurge, and SYB run past, Gryfon pulls out a SuperSoaker.™

FW: Oh shit!

As the four travelers continue to run, they hear “I’m melting!”

The four travelers run until something they see stops them short. Ahead of them, blocking the yellow brick road are Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster in full pirate gear. Selena laughs upon seeing them.

SG: Oh my God you look ridiculous.

SYB: It’s the officers of Captain Mac!

SG: Who’s Captain Mac?

JA: Come with us and find out ya winch.

SG: What did you call me?

AA rushes towards Selena and before she can react he scoops her up.

SG: I’m really sick of being carried over people’s shoulders…

JA walks up to the other three.

JA: Why don’t you three take off? The captain only wants her.

Skurge gets in Johnny’s face.

SK: Or you’ll what?

JA: Or we’ll win by DQ.

SYB: I don’t like the sound of that. Bye!

SYB takes off like a bat out of Hell. Skurge and the Amnesiac follow.

Amn: What did that mean?

AA carries Selena off the yellow brick road to the shore. He then dumps her into a dingy and waits for Johnny Adrenaline to join them.

SG: I really need to wake up soon.

AA: Quiet girl…this’ll be fun. You, the captain, the crocodiles…

Johnny Adrenaline joins them and they row to the ship. Written upon the side is “Tarheel”

SG: What the hell is a Tarheel?

JA: Me and the Cap’n are Tarheels.

SG: That doesn’t answer my question.

AA: No one really knows.

AA grabs Selena as they reach the ship and carries her up as they climb aboard. AA dumps Selena on the deck.

SG: Will you please stop dropping me on my ass!

Voice: Good work boys…good work indeed.

Selena looks as Eric O’Mac comes into view from the captain’s cabin.

SG: You again?

EOM: You may have escaped Queen Alexis, but you won’t be escaping me.

to be continued…

[karmic]

***OOC***

Yep.. Exalt early, exalt often.

***OOC***

[BC]

SG: You’re gonna make me walk the plank?

EOM: You in some sort of hurry to see my wood?

SG: HA!

Eric walks up to Selena and smacks her on top of the head.

SG: Ow!

EOM: That’s my line bitch!

SG: Dude, what happened to your hand? You didn’t have that hook earlier.

Eric looks at his left hand and sees a hook where his hand used to be.

EOM: What the…son of a bitch! Donovan! Come ‘ere!

Donovan Viper comes on deck from the captain’s cabin.

EOM: First Mate, tie this winch up.

SG: Ah, the gay guy as your first mate. Now it makes sense…

DM: I’M NOT A HOMO!

Donovan smacks Selena on the head as well.

SG: Stop it!

EOM: Whatta ya say boys! Time for this winch to walk the plank?!

The pirates erupt with cheers.

EOM: Jack! Are the crocs hungry?

Outbak Jack steps forward.

OBJ: Aye, they are and they’re a couple a’ beauties they are!

The pirates cheer again.

Voice: Not so fast!

Everyone looks up as Concrete Takaken Gryfon flies through the sky and onto the ship, followed by the Amnesiac, Skurge, and SYB. Upon reaching the deck, SYB gets on his hands and knees and kisses the deck.

SYB: Solid ground!

CTG: Unhand Citizen Selena you foul beast!

JA: Holy shit, the Beast is here?!

EOM: SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHNNY!

Skurge rushes to Selena and unties her.

SG: You guys came back for me…

Sk: I told you I’d help you get home.

A glowing light starts buzzing around Selena’s head. She ignores it for a few and then smacks it away hard.

SYB: Oh my God! You killed Tinker Bell!

Amn: You bastard!

SG: How many movies are we gonna go through before this is over?

As Gryfon and Eric begin to fight, the Amnesiac grabs Selena and places her in a dingy on the side of the ship. Skurge fights off a few pirates before jumping into the dingy.

Amn: SYB! Come on!

SYB screams as he dives into the dingy. He lands on the floor of the dingy, landing with his head between Selena’s legs.

SG: You raise that snout of yours an inch, so help me God…

SYB manages to get up while obeying Selena. Skurge grabs the paddles and paddles away from the ship.

Amn: Is that super hero guy gonna be okay by himself?

SYB: He’s a super hero, what’s the worst that can happen?

Suddenly there’s a roar of excitement on the ship as it fades into the distance.

Sk: I’m guessing what just did.

SYB: So was that Peter Pan or Pirates of the Caribbean? I’m not sure.

The four travelers paddle to the shore in silence. Upon reaching the shore, they make their way back to the yellow brick road. They continue along the yellow brick road until they finally see a large Crystal Palace.

to be continued…