[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 1
Live! From Springfield, WI

OOWF Invitational Round 1[/u]

Poe vs. Strebor Nhoj
The Amnesiac vs. Lucios
Chris Cole vs. Damon Wrath
Stank vs. DH Magnusson

Concrete TG vs. Fumunda Mung
Josh O’Neal vs. Blitz
Tytan vs. Jose Manuel Ramirez Ortiz Cuervo
Chris Evans vs. Tyson Kincaid

Bryce Larson vs. Mele Kalikamuka
The Dead vs. Phantos
SYB vs. Dr. Stone Cold Death Von Erich
Moosehead Jack vs. Matte

Nayr vs. Hi-Vo Sakamoto
Alexander Darling vs. Skurge
Alexis Darling vs. “Love Machine” Billy Wayne Woodard
FF Capslock vs. Eric O’Mac

OOWF Tournament of Champions[/u]

Firewoman vs. LD Williams
Seamus McNasty vs. Outback Jack
Winner vs. Winner

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Tournament Winner

Card subject to – hell no, I am not changing this again

[Matte]

**Matte sees the card for the first round of the OOWF Invitational.**

Matte: Blah, blah, blah... Moosehead Jack vs. Matte.

**Matte shakes his head and walks away.**

Matte: Fuck.

[Matte]

**Damon Wrath catches up to Matte as he, too, has just checked out the Invitational card.**

Damon: Matte, man. What happened out there against P&L?

Matte: Not in the mood, guy... Not in the mood.

Damon: Looks like you're fucked next Wednesday, too.

Matte: ...

Damon: Goin' up against Moose.

Matte: ...

Damon: Luckily for me, I won't have you out there to lose my match for me again.

Matte: Not in the mood. Fuck the fuck off.

Damon: Alright, man. I'm letting it slide 'cause it was a tag match. Just don't screw me over in a singles match, too.

Matte: Fuck. Off. Home.

Damon: You seem mad. Just take it out in your match, not in mine.

**Matte breaks down and tackles Damon into the wall, then turns it around and slams him onto the floor. He swings wildly; half of his punches connect. Damon manages to push Matte away. Matte stands there, breathing heavy, while Damon stands up and leaves. Matte sits against the wall and cools off.**

[Angle]

Chris Evans walks up to the OOWF Invitational poster on the wall.

Evans: Alright, lets see who I've got.

Evans looks at the poster, and sees the one name he hoped to see next to his: Tyson Kincaid. A twisted smile forms on Evans' face.

E: Nice, now I can get my revenge on Tyson in the ring for what he did to Fire, without any legal repercussions. Sorry Fire, but I'm taking him on with everything I've got.

[Tommy]

*We fade into the Run DEA Locker Room and Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels. We hear...yelling. Obviously, it's Davin.*

DM: FUCK!

*We hear a crash*

DM: OW! SON OF A BITCH!

*Davin stumbles out to the common area, and we see him with his shirt conveniently open. Almost his entire torso is completely covered by athletic tape; DDP-style. Davin keeps trying to bend down, or lean, or do anything, and it's clear its insanely painful*

DM: MOTHERFUCKER!

*Samantha Darling appears*

SD: Honey, just sit DOWN.

DM: NO! Davin Moreland is PISSED OFF! Davin Moreland has at least 4 BROKEN RIBS, and it HURTS like a BITCH!

SD: Let me make something up here for you...

DM: Oh HELL naw, Samantha. Samantha isn't DOING that shit anymore. Remember?

SD: That's what you said, but...

DM: FUCK!

SD: Oh, for God's Sake sit down.

DM: *gasping a bit for breath* Find Davin Moreland The Dead.

SD: Do what now?

DM: The Dead. Find Davin Moreland The Dead. And get Davin Moreland's wallet too, please.

SD: Um...ok...

*Samantha tosses Davin his wallet, and leaves. She returns after about 5 minutes, with The Dead in tow*

SD: Well, here he is.

DM: The Dead.

TD: Davin.

DM: The Dead, Davin Moreland needs The Dead to do Davin Moreland a favor.

TD: The Dead isn't interested in doing you a favor. The Dead doesn't like you, remember?

DM: Would The Dead shut the fuck up please? OW! SON OF A BITCH! The Dead, this is The Dead's dream come true today. The Dead finally gets The Dead's wish.

TD: The Dead would like you to hurry the fuck up so The Dead can move on with his life and forget this 10 minutes that The Dead has lost permanently from his life.

SD: Would this bullshit constitute talking in the 6th person?

DM: Samantha, please. The Dead. Davin Moreland has a business proposition for The Dead.

TD: The Dead is NOT joining Run DEA.

DM: HA! OW! MOTHERFUCKER! Davin Moreland is not offering The Dead a place in the most elite group of wrestlers this World has ever known. Davin Moreland is prepared to offer The Dead $200 to trash a locker room.

TD: For serious?

DM: Yes.

TD: Which locker room?

DM: This one.

TD: Do what now?

DM: Davin Moreland is partially incapacitated. Davin Moreland has previously shown impressive recuperative abilities; but unfortunately, Davin Moreland doesn't have time to heal. Davin Moreland is PISSED OFF, and Davin Moreland wants to trash Davin Moreland's locker room.

TD: But you can't do it?

DM: Clearly.

TD: Give The Dead a moment to consider your proposition.

SD: Thank God you both shut up.

DM: That's not needed right now, Samantha.

SD: Would you stop being a child and go lay down?

TD: The Dead has decided that $200 is a fair price, and The Dead will indeed trash your locker room.

DM: *takes his wallet and hands The Dead $200* Davin Moreland will be cursing during The Dead's trashing. Don't be alarmed.

TD: The Dead is ready.

DM: Proceed.

*The Dead does proceed, and proceeds to break everything that's not nailed down. Throughout, we hear Davin shouting "motherfucker", etc. Finally, it looks like The Dead has broken about everything in the room, and tossed every chair over.*

TD: The Dead is finished, unless you want me to spray paint?

DM: That's not necessary The Dead. Thank The Dead for The Dead's diligence.

*The Dead leaves*

SD: Are you happy now?

DM: Yes.

SD: Ok great. Who's going to clean this up?

*Davin looks over at Samantha*

SD: Fuck you.

DM: Some mouth on Samantha Darling. Perhaps Davin Moreland should have taken Davin Moreland's time?

SD: Ok. Go fuck yourself. I need to lay down.

*Samantha goes into the suite and slams the door.*

DM: Awesome.

*Davin painfully stands up, and heads out of the suite. He swings the door open, and it SMASHES THE AMNESIAC RIGHT IN THE FACE! Eric conveniently happens to be walking by.*

E: HA!

*Davin spots Monkh, who must have been with the now-unconscious Amnesiac*

DM: Monkh! Davin Moreland requires Monkh's services.

*Monkh looks at The Amnesiac, still unconscious, and is clearly a bit scared*

DM: Monkh. Davin Moreland needs Monkh to clean Davin Moreland's locker room. Davin Moreland is prepared to offer Monkh $50 for Monkh's time. Do Monkh and Davin Moreland have a deal?

*Monkh smiles and holds out his hand. Davin gives him $50, and Monkh walks in. His demeanor changes when he sees the mess; but a deal is in fact a deal. Davin points to where the cleaning supplies are, and heads into his suite*

SD: What the fuck are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be cleaning?

DM: Davin Moreland has hired a cleaner. Davin Moreland has all the bases covered.

SD: So how much has this little tantrum cost you?

DM: $250.

SD: You know, blowing money like that doesn't make you much of a breadwinner.

DM: Samantha Darling has spent that much for a night out. Or, for half of a shoe.

SD: *smiles* You're right.

DM: Davin Moreland is usually right. Davin Moreland is a brilliant man. Davin Moreland is a genius. Davin Moreland should apply to MENSA.

SD: Davin Moreland needs to lay down and rest now, and let your...let me take care of you.

DM: Yes dear.

*fade*

[Mikey]

[Camera cuts into GM the Rick's office, who is going over the OOWF Invitational tournament bracket, when a masked man walks in.]

GMtR: Ah, you must be Mr. Hi-Vo Sakamoto.

[Masked man nods]

GMtR: Your first round matchup pits you against Nayr. You ready for it?

[Masked man nods]

GMtR: Ya know, I'm looking at your resume here. Three time Azteca light heavyweight champion, Guatemalan Six Man Junior champion, two time Costa Rican cruiserweight champion, Okinawa J-Cup champion, four time New Zealand junior heavyweight tag team champion. You have quite the record here. [points at Sakamoto's midsection] Let yourself go a little since then?

[Masked man nods, pantomimes eating and working out, then shrugs]

GMtR: Funny, I got a call from Mr. Sakamoto's agent two hours ago saying he ran into problems at customs and wouldn't be here until Friday.

[Rick reaches across the desk and rips the mask off the man, revealing ATTITUDE ADJUSTER~!!!]

GMtR: Get your ass out of my office, my building, and my life, NOW! Security, come drag this piece of shit away from here.

AA: C'mon c'mon c'mon, no, you don't....

[Security walks in, grabs AA and yanks him out of the office in a hurry. Camera follows out to the hallway to see another pair of security personnel dragging Johnny Adrenaline away as well.]

AA: Fumunda Mung didn't work, huh?

JA: Not exactly. Problems, Mr. Sakamoto?

AA: Shut the fuck up, Johnny.

[TCH gets tossed out the back door and into a police car as we fade out.]

[DevSop]

*OOC* So JA and AA promo more after being fired? Interesting.

[Deadly]

[The Dead is walking down the hallway to check his matchup for the first round of the OOWF Invitational~! He tucks his newly acquired $200 in his pocket as he gets to the GM's door. Dead notices the name he's up against and smiles slightly.]

Dead: Not a bad way to start the day. A little drinking money, and now this...

[Dead looks at the list one more time and then heads back toward his locker room. On his way, he sees Phantos heading in the opposite direction.]

Phantos: Just checked the matchups, huh? That's where I'm heading right now. Say, you didn't notice my matchup, did you?

Dead: Life isn't fair, I guess. I got a pretty sweet matchup in round one, but it looks like you've got one hell of a tough draw.

Phantos: Well, who is it....?

[The Dead just smiles and continues his walk down the hall.]

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

OOC: Exalt for Davin's conversation with The Dead!


*Fear Us are looking at the card*

OBJ: Well, McNasty's one of the few people around here I don't hate. Yet.

LDW: Meanwhile I get Firewoman. Assuming she's cleared to wrestle.

OBJ (with evil grin): If she is I'm assuming you'll take it easy on her, mate.

LDW (with equally evil grin): Well of course I wouldn't take advantage of an injury. That wouldn't be good sportsmanship, my friend.

Wally B. King (with moderately evil smirk): Glad to hear that, mate. Otherwise I might have been tempted to get confidential medical information that might be helpful in that regard.

OBJ: Wally, I'm shocked, shocked to hear you might have done something like that! A man of your stature in the community?

LDW: Indeed. I didn't realize what that file was until I finished reading it, or else I never would have looked at it. Now I'll just have to do my best to forget it.

OBJ: Let's go over to the Destroyitarium and kill a few brain cells. That always helps me forget things.

[Angle]

Chris Evans is seen in the gym with Firewoman. Evans is shown helping her with her rehabilitation.

Fire: Dammit, I can't believe I'm stuck lifing this puny weight. I can't believe this shit.

Evans: Hey, you've gotta take it easy.

F: I mean just a few days ago, I spinebustered your ass through the catering table.

E: How could I forget that? I'm still feeling that one. I know now not to get on your bad side.

F: You got that right, Cubbie.

E: Anyways, you're lucky to be alive after what Kincaid did to you.

F: Look Cubheart, it'll take a lot more than that to take me out. By the way, I didn't check on the OOWF tournament poster. You have any idea who my opponent is?

E: Yeah, you've got LD Williams. In your condition, it'll be tough, but you should be able to take him.

F: Damn straight. So by the way, who's your opponent?

Evans has a sly smirk on his face.

F: Well, who the hell is it?

E: I've got Kincaid.

F: You WHAT?! You lucky bastard, I want his ass!

E: You can have whatever's left after I'm finished with him. If there is anything left.

F: Don't get too arrogant there Cubheart. You saw what he did to me. You both may have similar styles, but he's got experience on his side, and with a newbie like you, he could do even worse. Just...be careful out there.

E: Wow, never thought I'd hear you say anything good about Tyson.

F: Go fuck yourself. That wasn't a compliment.

E: Well, anyway, thanks for being concerned.

F: Whatever. Lets just get back to work.

*fade to black*

[fasteddie]

(Tytan and Biggs walk up to the bracket postings.)

Tytan: Who the?

Biggs: What you don't know who he is?

Tytan: You do?

Biggs: No you got to be kidding me, you have never seen this guy before?

Tytan: You have?

Biggs: T, this guy is pretty sick. I've seen is stuff on You Tube.

Tytan: Hell. I have a hard enough time saying his name.

Biggs: (Perfectly and with the accent)Jose Manuel Ramirez Ortiz Cuervo.

Tytan: Man, how tough does this guy have to be his last name is beer.

Biggs: He got picked on a lot when he was a kid.

Tytan: Point taken.

Biggs: Now, go get working so you can get back on the winning side...because after this you got some unfinished business to take care of.

Tytan: I know what you mean.

(They walk off.)

FADE

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*In the Destroyitarium, Stank and OBJ are huddled at the corner of the bar*

S: You did warn him. I remember that.

OBJ: Well, I still could have said no.

S: He's a grown man.

OBJ: And a damn good man, but that's part of the problem. He doesn't have two psychotic alternate personalities to carry the load.

S: Only two?

OBJ: Well, only two we agree to let out. Meanwhile, what are we going to do?

S: Let me think about it.

[Fire-Babe]

Davin Moreland and Samantha Darling get out of a black car outside the Springfield Hospital. They start to walk in, when something catches Davin's attention. He indicates Samantha should go on in, so she does. Davin ducks around a corner, to find Firewoman sneaking a smoke.

DM: Is that wise? Does Intercontinental Champion Firewoman have a death wish?

FW: Huh?

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is healing up from a hole in her lung. Davin Moreland does not think it's wise that Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is out breathing cold air and nicotine, tar, and whatever else there is.

FW: Hm. Want one?

DM: Normally, yes, but Davin Moreland is here to escort Intercontinental Champion Firewoman to the Darling jet, procured by Samantha Darling, to take Intercontinental Champion Firewoman to the next venue, assuming Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is medically cleared.

FW: Damn, still working the gimmick.

DM: Where did Intercontinental Champion Firewoman get that, anyway?

FW: Cute nurse. I got her phone number for Phantos. He likes nurses. Or at least nurse costumes.

DM: Davin Moreland does not need to know the details...

Intercontinental Champion Firewoman puts her cigarette out in the appropriate receptacle, and they head inside. They enter the elevator.

FW: So, who am I facing?

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is in the Tournament of Champions against LD Williams.

FW: Hmm...cool, I've beat him before.

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman did not have broken ribs at that point. LD Williams will be sure to exploit that.

FW: And then I get the winner of Seamus vs. Outback Jack?

DM: Assuming Intercontinental Champion Firewoman wins, yes.

FW: And then, I get.....you!

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman should not get ahead of herself. Intercontinental Champion Firewoman will have a tough task getting past LD Williams, and then whomever wins--

FW: [teasingly] Is World Champion Davin Moreland afraid of Intercontinental Champion Firewoman?

DM: Not at all. Davin Moreland does not fear Intercontinental Champion Firewoman.

FW: [still playful] C'mon Dav....don't ya want another shot? Get your chance to get even?

DM: Davin Moreland does not need to get even. Davin Moreland will take another shot when both Davin Moreland and Intercontinental Champion Firewoman are not sporting matching rib bandages.

The elevator doors open up, and they walk towards Firewoman's room. Lucky is there, with Samantha and Chris Jericho.

FW: Okay, Davin, it's a date.

Y2J: Davin, how's it going.

DM: 2008 Wrestler of the Year Chris Jericho, Davin Moreland is better than ever.

Y2J: Yeah, you've had quite the year.

The two fall into old-friends like conversation, as Samantha helps Firewoman and Lucky get their stuff together. Samantha picks up the Intercontinental Belt.

FW: I'll take that.

SD: I wasn't going to--

FW: I know, it's just...superstition.

Y2J: What's that thing? [he points to the stuffed animal]

FW: Huh? Oh, something a fan gave me. Lucky here thought it would speed my recovery.

Y2J: So, Dav, sorry I couldn't make it. Between our schedule, and her injury.

DM: 2008 Wrestler of the Year Chris Jericho does not need to explain. Davin Moreland understands. Davin Moreland would like to know one thing though.

Y2J: Yeah?

DM: Davin Moreland would like to know when 2008 Wrestler of the Year Chris Jericho is going to make an honest woman out of Intercontinental Champion Firewoman.

At that precise moment, a metal tray that may have once had food on it comes hurtling towards Davin Moreland's head. Davin ducks and turns, and grins at Firewoman who is glaring at him.

Y2J: I guess you got your answer. Seriously, congratulations with everything, World Champion Davin Moreland.

A random nurse comes in with some paper work, and gives them to Lucky.

L: Okay, looks like your all set. Dr. Aspen has signed off on your release, and also your medical clearance for Wednesday.

FW: Great, let's go.

Y2J: Did he say Dr. Aspen?

FW: Yep. It's not up for discussion. Okay, you have house shows, and I have a plane to catch. Let's go.

The group leaves, with Jericho still thinking it is up for discussion, but the voices fade as the ninja cams stay behind.

[Matte]

**The Dead walks by Matte after checking out the card. He glances over, then stops walking. He notices Matte just sitting there with his head down.**

Dead: Hey, man. Did you get a look at the card?

Matte: ...

Dead: You're Matte, right? The new guy?

Matte: ...

Dead: Ok, whatever.

**The Dead keeps walking and rounds the corner. Phantos comes walking down the hallway seconds later.**

Phantos: Matte, what's up?

Matte: ...

Phantos: I just saw the card. Looks like bad luck for you again. First, me and Lucios, and now, Moosehead Jack.

Matte: ...

Phantos: ...

Matte: ...

Phantos: K, good luck.

**Phantos rounds the corner. Matte slowly raises his head and looks around.**

Matte: Huh?

**He puts his head down and goes back to sleep.**

[Mr. Dashbee]

Fade in as Bryce Larson is TRAINING! at the gym and runs into, of all people, Nayr!

N: Hey, what are you doing here?

BL: Training? I got a first round match to think about.

N: Yeah, tough draw. I was just...surprised...to see you here.

BL: Why?

N: Well, don't you need to go have sex with two girls or something?

BL: They're women, not girls. And I can still get a workout in.

N: Oh, right.

BL: Listen, do you want me to help you with women?

N: Yea--NO! I got it under control. I like to chat with them.

BL: Chatting is good. Small talk, it helps break the ice. Just keep your eyes focused on their eyes, okay?

N: No, I meant chatting. Like...online chatting.

BL: You have so much to learn.

N: Well, whatever! Listen, what's up with you picking Davin Moreland. Seriously? How many times has he attacked you?

BL: Well, --

N: And are you joining Run DEA? Huh? Just leaving us behind?

BL: I assume by "us" [omg finger quotes!!!] you mean the Guild. If so, there is--and never was--an "us." [fucking finger quotes!!!]

N: You're so blind.

BL: You're the one who wears a mask that impedes your peripherial vision, not me.

N: What does that have to do with anything?

BL: Maybe you should have seen this coming!

N: You know what? Whatever. Hav fun teaming with Davin.

BL: Right. You have fun "chatting."

[Fade to black.]

[Jack Quinn]

<Matte wakes up and realizes someone is standing in front of him. He slowly looks up, and it is Moosehead Jack standing there with a barbed wire bat>

Matte: What?

<Moose swings the bat and catches Matte on the side of the head, sending him onto his side. Moose puts the boots to Matte. then pulls him up, tears a strand of barbed wire off the bat and wraps it around his fist, and BLASTS Matte with a heartpunch! Matte slowly slides down the wall and collapses to the floor. Moose looks content with his work, and walks away>

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. Skurge, SYB, and The Amnesiac are reviewing the card for OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Round 1 Live! From Springfield, WI…

Skurge: So, who have you got in Round 1, Solly?
SYB: Let’s see…looks like Dr. Stone Cold Death Von Erich.
Skurge: Jobber. Nice. Looks like you’re advancing. What aboot you, The Amnesiac?
Amn: I’ve got Lucios.
Skurge: Huh. Well, at least one of us got an actual opponent. Good luck, eh?
Amn: Thanks. Who’d you draw?
Skurge: An old friend of Solly’s – Alexis Darling.
SYB: Uh, actually–
Skurge: Yep. Alexis Darling. I just hope she doesn’t think I’m gonna pull any punches because she’s a woman, eh? No way I’m gonna throw a match and lose my shot at…wait, what does the winner of the tournament get?
SYB: …
Amn: …
Skurge: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure as hell not giving up my shot at it just because I have to face a woman in Round 1.
Amn: You’re kidding, right?
Skurge: Not in the least. Why would I kid aboot such a thing? I want the mystery prize for winning this tournament more than I’ve wanted anything all day.
SYB: Dude. You’re not fighting Alexis.
Skurge: That’s where you’re wrong, my jooish compatriot. I will fight Alexis. I’ll give her everything I’ve got. No mercy, eh?
Amn: You’re clearly not going to listen to us on this one, so let’s move on to other business. The Chimpionships.
SYB: Not cool, man. Why’d you have to go and bring that up?
Amn: I’m just saying, we lost the Chimpionships to the Heroes Guild, and we need to formulate a plan to get them back.
Skurge: Speaking of which, Alexis Darling made some interesting comments after the match. Maybe I can beat her down badly enough this week to convince her that Rum DDT going for our titles is a bad idea.
SYB: That seems unlikely, at best.
Skurge: Look, if you guys aren’t going to be supportive, I’m gonna go find somewhere to grab a beer. Come find me when you’re ready to apologize.

*Skurge stands up and storms out of the palatial IHOP locker room, leaving SYB and The Amnesiac somewhat dazed and confused as we…

*FADE*

[Tommy]

Jan 30, 2009 11:07:08 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

<Matte wakes up and realizes someone is standing in front of him. He slowly looks up, and it is Moosehead Jack standing there with a barbed wire bat>

Matte: What?

<Moose swings the bat and catches Matte on the side of the head, sending him onto his side. Moose puts the boots to Matte. then pulls him up, tears a strand of barbed wire off the bat and wraps it around his fist, and BLASTS Matte with a heartpunch! Matte slowly slides down the wall and collapses to the floor. Moose looks content with his work, and walks away>

*OOC*

[DevSop]

Jan 30, 2009 13:25:38 GMT -5 Tommy said:

Jan 30, 2009 11:07:08 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

<Matte wakes up and realizes someone is standing in front of him. He slowly looks up, and it is Moosehead Jack standing there with a barbed wire bat>

Matte: What?

<Moose swings the bat and catches Matte on the side of the head, sending him onto his side. Moose puts the boots to Matte. then pulls him up, tears a strand of barbed wire off the bat and wraps it around his fist, and BLASTS Matte with a heartpunch! Matte slowly slides down the wall and collapses to the floor. Moose looks content with his work, and walks away>

*OOC*

Hell, I don't even think Moose paid for the stamps. He delivered this one by carrier pigeon.

[Jack Quinn]

well I am sorry I didn't write a 10,000 word promo on him, I will try harder next time

[DevSop]

Technically, you wrote a 0-word promo. Moose said nothing.

[Jack Quinn]

he didn't have to

[Mikey]

Fresh off their escape [read: release] from their minimum security prison cell, Johnny Adrenaline and Attitude Adjuster are watching OOWF-TV at Johnny's house.

Jan 30, 2009 13:32:02 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

well I am sorry I didn't write a 10,000 word promo on him, I will try harder next time

JA: Did he just say what I think he said?

AA: Yeah, he did.

JA: Damn, and we'd been trying to be nice about it the whole time.

AA: Well, Moose was also breaking kayfabe there.

JA: Yeah, that's a concept we've never broached before.

Suddenly, the video on the screen scrambles.

AA: Johnny, don't you pay your cable bill?

JA: Yeah, I paid it! With the Steelers bet. Funny what happens when I don't take your advice.

AA grabs the remote and changes the channel. CNN, Cartoon Network, C-Span, Book TV, ESPN72 and the other 200 cable channels are just fine.

AA: That fucking Scaia had your OOWF-TV ripped out, man!

JA: Maybe he's serious about this whole firing thing after all. The frickin' jerk.

fade out

[Matte]

**Matte comes to. He shakes off the cobwebs, then speaks.**

Matte: Fucking Moose.

**He stands himself up and wipes blood from his face, then wipes it from his hands onto his pants.**

Matte: Next time he comes down this hallway, he's fucking dead.

**He leans against the wall and sits back down.**

Matte: He's just lucky that I'm too fucking bored to move.

**Minutes later, a decent looking female journalist comes prancing down the hallway and stops when she finds Matte.**

DLFJ: Matte! Hi!

Matte: ...

DLFJ: Moose just attacked you with a barbed wire bat and left you laying here, bloody and out cold. How does that make you feel?

Matte: ...

DLFJ: Uh, Matte?

Matte: ...

DLFJ: Matte!

**Matte is startled and jolts awake.**

Matte: Ah! Oh, it's you. Go away, I'm tired.

**The decent looking female journalist frowns and shuffles her feet down the hallway and leaves.**

[Demko]

We catch up with IHOP gathered together in the palatial IHOP locker room. Monkh and Fezzik are playing Rock Band 2 (as usual). SYB and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are discussing IHOP's recent loss as Skurge and The Amnesiac listen in, curious.

SYB: I tell you, Dot, those Chimpionships were STOLEN from us.

TLTDM: I wouldn't say they were stolen, Solly. I think you guys lost fair and square.

The Amnesiac jumps in to Solly's defense.

AMN: Actually Dorothy, I would agree with Sol on this one. I think The Heroes Guild has gone rogue. I mean, you heard that promo from Crete last week. I'd bet you a case of Molson Ice-

S: I'LL TAKE THAT BET!

AMN: Shut up, hoser. As I was saying, I'd bet dimes to dollars-

SYB: I'LL TAKE THAT BET!

AMN: Oh god... Joo too? All of you shut the fuck up. I'd bet anything that those Heroes bastards are Villains now. They somehow managed to get superpowers, and they cheated to take those Chimpionships away from us. And I've called in a man to prove it.

There is a strangely noir voiceover; a man's voice.

SNVO: I've worked some strange cases before. I foiled the assassination of the Queen of England. I've gone undercover in drug rings. I've been on stage at the Academy Awards. But this ragtag group of weirdos was bound to be my strangest case yet.

Suddenly, a car comes crashing through the door (and wall!) of the palatial IHOP locker room. A white-haired man steps out of the car, and walks towards The Amnesiac.

AMN: Lietentant Frank Drebin?

Drebin shakes hands with The Amnesiac.

LFD: The feeling is mutual.

AMN: Ah, yes... well, I've asked you here to investigate the disappearance of three precious items.

LFD: Lefty, Righty and Mr. Twig?

AMN: Wait, how did you know that's what we called the Chimpionship belts?

LFD: I'm a lot keener than you might give me credit for. Now, when did these items go missing?

At this point, The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth steps in.

TLTDM: I wouldn't exactly say they're MISSING, Mr. Drebin.

Drebin turns towards Dorothy. The strangely noir voiceover begins again.

SNVO: Her hair was the color of gold in old paintings. She had a full set of curves, and the kind of legs you could suck on for days. She was giving me a look I could feel in my hip pocket. This was starting to get interesting.

LFD: Why do you say that, Ms...?

TLTDM: Dorothy Mantooth.

LFD: Why do you say that, Ms. Mantooth?

TLTDM: Well, in all honesty, I think Mr. The Amnesiac here called you a bit prematurely. They didn't go missing... IHOP lost the titles this past Wednesday on Mayhem.

SNVO: Mayhem. That's exactly what this case was calling for. And I was just the man to answer that call. And maybe even make a few phone calls of my own. But nothing long distance, unless I can use one of those 10-10 numbers first. I was ready for this case. And they knew it.

*TO BE CONTINUED*

MTA: *OOC* Sorry, meant to write up a full promo here, but got sidetracked. I'll finish this up tomorrow.