MidWeek Mayhem (02/25) Live! From Springfield, NE
Feb 21, 2009 19:36:32 GMT -5
Post by Tommy on Feb 21, 2009 19:36:32 GMT -5
*Davin Moreland is SHUFFLING~! because he's in handcuffs and leg irons. He's being led to the defendant's desk at the Sarpy County Courthouse in Nebraska. His lawyer is noticeably absent. They remove the cuffs and irons and let Davin have a seat. Suddenly a giant behemoth of a man with a bald head in a bailiff's uniform stands up*
GBofMwaBHiaBU: All Rise! The Criminal Court of Sarpy County is now in session. The honorable Harold T. Stone, presiding.
HTS: Thank you, Bull. What's on the docket?
B: State of Nebraska vs. "Awesome Bill from Dawsonville", a.k.a. Thomas Davin Moreland. One count of aggravated assault, one count of domestic violence, one count of possession of a controlled substance in a school zone.
DM: Controlled Substance?
DF: Dan Fielding for the Prosecution your honor, Mr. Bill from Dawsonville was found with one-half ounce of cannabis indica on his person...that wasn't found until after Mr. Moreland had been brought into custody.
DM: So, it was planted.
DF: Found. After. And it was in a School Zone.
DM: How was it in a school zone if we were 50 miles from anywhere?
DF: School Zone.
*Davin sighs and buries his head in his hands*
DF: Your honor, we were hoping to get the plea and the pretrial conference done today in the name of expediency.
HTS: Sounds like a plan, Dan. That rhymes! HA!
DF: It does, your honor.
HTS: Mr. More...
DM: AWESOME BILL FROM DAWSONVILLE!
HTS: Fine. Mr. From Dawsonville. Where is your lawyer?
DM: Reckon he shoulda been here already. Maybe he be reparkifyin' his autoMObile?
*Suddenly, the courtroom doors fly open*
SMAAL: It's-a ME!
DM: Ahhh...I'm fucked.
SMAAL: It's-a me! Super Mario...Attorney-At-Law! I am here to defend my...it's-a ME!
DM: Your honor, I would like to defendify myself in this matter.
HTS: Uh...granted. Sorry Mario. Should have laid off the mushrooms! HA!
*Super Mario puts on a sad face and leaves*
DF: Your honor?
HTS: Oh, right, sorry.
*Davin shakes his head and looks worried*
HTS: Mr...From Dawsonville, how do you plead?
DM: Not Guilty your honor...WOO! I'M WILD AS HELL!
HTS: So...entered. Mr. Fielding, proceed.
*Dan Fielding narrates the events of last Thursday, as a flashback "moments ago" video plays on the screen*
DF: So, your honor, despite the victim's objections, the State has found it reasonable to go forward and press charges.
HTS: Seems that there is sufficient evidence in place to do so...Dan, call your first witness...
*Dan Fielding calls a non-stop stream of witnesses, from cops who weren't even there to the Tow Truck driver who got free tickets the the show*
DF: Prosecution rests, your honor.
HTS: Mr. From Dawsonville, call your first witness.
DM: Your honor, I call Mr. Awesome Bill from Dawsonville.
*Davin walks to the witness box and is sworn in.*
DF: Mr...
DM: Awesome Bill from Dawsonville.
DF: Mr. Moreland, would it be fair to say that you have a problem with violence, especially toward women?
DM: Well, no, actually I'm pretty damn good at it.
DF: As a matter of fact you ARE good at it. You've been arrested assault. Repeatedly, haven't you?
DM: WOOO I don't remember that! Now...what happened?
DF: You have 3 assault and battery charges.
DM: 3?
DF: This week alone...and the week's not even over yet.
DM: Well...at this time...I'd like to call for a *jumps out of the box and charges for the courtroom doors* RECESS! *He starts tugging on the locked doors* C'mon Mario! Get me out of this mess!
SD: *who has been sitting in the back row* Davin, I don't think Super Mario is here...
*cut to Super Mario, who is knocking other Mario Karts off the road*
SMAAL: It's-a ME!
*hard cut back to the courtroom, and Davin is sitting back int he witness box as if nothing ever happened*
HTS: Before I pass sentence...what do you have to say for yourself Mr. From Dawsonville?
DM: Well? What the Hell would you do?!? Dat sumbitch *points to Samantha* looked at me CROSSWAYS!
HTS: She...looked at you crossways? That's your defense?
DM: YEAH! She looked at me CROSSWAYS!
HTS: Council...Approach the bench please. *loudly whispering* You're looking at an uphill battle here counselor.
DF: I know.
HTS: She DID look at him crossways.
DF: I know, that's what he says.
HTS: You know...this is rural Nebraska.
DF: I know...
HTS: We are still a VERY backward state out here. Very backward. In many, many ways.
DM: Your honor? I inquest to adjust the bench if I may?
HTS: Uh...Proceed.
*Davin leaps out of the seat and runs toward the locked doors again*
DM: SUCK ON THIS YOU SUMBITCH! I WANT THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
HTS: Uh...actually...you're free to go. $50 and time served. All, uh, other charges have been dropped.
DM: Well what if I don't WANNA go? YOU haven't heard my grievances yet!
SD: You know, judge, he actually likes it better if he thinks he thought ahead of you...
HTS: Uh...Quick! He's Escapin'!
DM: *runs back to the door* OPEN THE DOOR! LET MY ASS OUT GODDAMMIT! LET THIS SUMBITCH OUTTA HERE!
HTS: Uh...Someone...get him...before he gets...hurt and tries to sue us...
DF: Could someone please help him with the knob?
HTS: Bull, go ahead. Help him with the knob?
*Bull opens the door*
DM: HELL YEAH! We on the lam! Let's go get WILD! WOO! I'm WILD AS HELL!
*Samantha kind of shakes her head as she follows Davin out the door*
*fade*
GBofMwaBHiaBU: All Rise! The Criminal Court of Sarpy County is now in session. The honorable Harold T. Stone, presiding.
HTS: Thank you, Bull. What's on the docket?
B: State of Nebraska vs. "Awesome Bill from Dawsonville", a.k.a. Thomas Davin Moreland. One count of aggravated assault, one count of domestic violence, one count of possession of a controlled substance in a school zone.
DM: Controlled Substance?
DF: Dan Fielding for the Prosecution your honor, Mr. Bill from Dawsonville was found with one-half ounce of cannabis indica on his person...that wasn't found until after Mr. Moreland had been brought into custody.
DM: So, it was planted.
DF: Found. After. And it was in a School Zone.
DM: How was it in a school zone if we were 50 miles from anywhere?
DF: School Zone.
*Davin sighs and buries his head in his hands*
DF: Your honor, we were hoping to get the plea and the pretrial conference done today in the name of expediency.
HTS: Sounds like a plan, Dan. That rhymes! HA!
DF: It does, your honor.
HTS: Mr. More...
DM: AWESOME BILL FROM DAWSONVILLE!
HTS: Fine. Mr. From Dawsonville. Where is your lawyer?
DM: Reckon he shoulda been here already. Maybe he be reparkifyin' his autoMObile?
*Suddenly, the courtroom doors fly open*
SMAAL: It's-a ME!
DM: Ahhh...I'm fucked.
SMAAL: It's-a me! Super Mario...Attorney-At-Law! I am here to defend my...it's-a ME!
DM: Your honor, I would like to defendify myself in this matter.
HTS: Uh...granted. Sorry Mario. Should have laid off the mushrooms! HA!
*Super Mario puts on a sad face and leaves*
DF: Your honor?
HTS: Oh, right, sorry.
*Davin shakes his head and looks worried*
HTS: Mr...From Dawsonville, how do you plead?
DM: Not Guilty your honor...WOO! I'M WILD AS HELL!
HTS: So...entered. Mr. Fielding, proceed.
*Dan Fielding narrates the events of last Thursday, as a flashback "moments ago" video plays on the screen*
DF: So, your honor, despite the victim's objections, the State has found it reasonable to go forward and press charges.
HTS: Seems that there is sufficient evidence in place to do so...Dan, call your first witness...
*Dan Fielding calls a non-stop stream of witnesses, from cops who weren't even there to the Tow Truck driver who got free tickets the the show*
DF: Prosecution rests, your honor.
HTS: Mr. From Dawsonville, call your first witness.
DM: Your honor, I call Mr. Awesome Bill from Dawsonville.
*Davin walks to the witness box and is sworn in.*
DF: Mr...
DM: Awesome Bill from Dawsonville.
DF: Mr. Moreland, would it be fair to say that you have a problem with violence, especially toward women?
DM: Well, no, actually I'm pretty damn good at it.
DF: As a matter of fact you ARE good at it. You've been arrested assault. Repeatedly, haven't you?
DM: WOOO I don't remember that! Now...what happened?
DF: You have 3 assault and battery charges.
DM: 3?
DF: This week alone...and the week's not even over yet.
DM: Well...at this time...I'd like to call for a *jumps out of the box and charges for the courtroom doors* RECESS! *He starts tugging on the locked doors* C'mon Mario! Get me out of this mess!
SD: *who has been sitting in the back row* Davin, I don't think Super Mario is here...
*cut to Super Mario, who is knocking other Mario Karts off the road*
SMAAL: It's-a ME!
*hard cut back to the courtroom, and Davin is sitting back int he witness box as if nothing ever happened*
HTS: Before I pass sentence...what do you have to say for yourself Mr. From Dawsonville?
DM: Well? What the Hell would you do?!? Dat sumbitch *points to Samantha* looked at me CROSSWAYS!
HTS: She...looked at you crossways? That's your defense?
DM: YEAH! She looked at me CROSSWAYS!
HTS: Council...Approach the bench please. *loudly whispering* You're looking at an uphill battle here counselor.
DF: I know.
HTS: She DID look at him crossways.
DF: I know, that's what he says.
HTS: You know...this is rural Nebraska.
DF: I know...
HTS: We are still a VERY backward state out here. Very backward. In many, many ways.
DM: Your honor? I inquest to adjust the bench if I may?
HTS: Uh...Proceed.
*Davin leaps out of the seat and runs toward the locked doors again*
DM: SUCK ON THIS YOU SUMBITCH! I WANT THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
HTS: Uh...actually...you're free to go. $50 and time served. All, uh, other charges have been dropped.
DM: Well what if I don't WANNA go? YOU haven't heard my grievances yet!
SD: You know, judge, he actually likes it better if he thinks he thought ahead of you...
HTS: Uh...Quick! He's Escapin'!
DM: *runs back to the door* OPEN THE DOOR! LET MY ASS OUT GODDAMMIT! LET THIS SUMBITCH OUTTA HERE!
HTS: Uh...Someone...get him...before he gets...hurt and tries to sue us...
DF: Could someone please help him with the knob?
HTS: Bull, go ahead. Help him with the knob?
*Bull opens the door*
DM: HELL YEAH! We on the lam! Let's go get WILD! WOO! I'm WILD AS HELL!
*Samantha kind of shakes her head as she follows Davin out the door*
*fade*