[Road Warrior Shark]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (Show 743)
Atomic City, Idaho
May 18, 2016

OOWF World Title Match
Rabbit Mask (C) vs. Firewoman

World Tag Team Title Match
Sisters of Sin (C) vs. Murphy's Law

Intercontinental Title Match
Tommy Wilder (C) vs. Ecosystem

Onslaught Title Match
Lindsay McAllister (C) vs. Beverly Cambridge

Campeonas de Trios Match
Royalty (C) vs. Saints of Sinners

Onslaught Rules Match
Shannon Mann vs. Miranda Williams

The Man In The Hood vs. Zed
Chad Madison vs. Johnny Inagawa
Tytan & Agrius vs. Dre Gaines & Ghosthead
Beer Money vs. Matt Folz & Mai Muyo
Awesome Bill vs. Sebastian Davis


Card Subject to Something about Potatoes & Blue Turf

[Chris Eco]

BRICK~! is FURIOUS after the show, and is PACING like a madman when Zed approaches.



Zed: Still wearing the hat?

BRICK~!: Look, it's not about a match, Zed. It's about a movement. Everybody knows you're a winner.

Zed: Well, I didn't exactly win tonight -

BRICK~!: Only because Crooked Lindsay went out there and cheated! Cheated again! In front of everyone! It's really sad. It's really embarrassing for her, how much she knows she can't beat you.

Zed: . . . "Crooked Lindsay"?

BRICK~!: Yes. That's what we're calling her now. Because she is. She's crooked. And she's embarrassed she can't beat you. Here, let me just sent this tweet . . .



Zed: Well, that's a little strong, but I appreciate your spirit -

BRICK~!: Hey, do you remember how she cheated?

Zed: Yes, BRICK~!. She hit me in the balls.

BRICK~!: Twice now, right? Boy, that's no coincidence. Let me tell you folks, I know women like Lindsay, and that's no coincidence.

Zed: BRICK~!, are you saying - wait, are you tweeting again?



Zed: BRICK~!, I'm worried people could take that the wrong way.

BRICK~!: People take things how they want to take them.

Zed: Sure . . . but since you mentioned the balls, it could imply -

BRICK~!: That she's obsessed? Totally obsessed! She wants it, but she can't have it.

Zed: Wait, wait, you have no reason to think -



Zed: BRICK!

BRICK~!: No, it's pronounced with a tilde. BRICK~!.

Zed: You can't make sexist comments like that.

BRICK~!: Says who? I'm so tired of being politically correct around here. It's all talk, no action.

Zed: A wrestling company is all talk, no action?

BRICK~!: She's harassing you! We need action!

Zed: What action could you possibly -



Zed: . . .



Zed: . . .

BRICK~!: Time to get tough!

Zed: You're building a wall around my penis.

BRICK~!: Look, that's just an opening bargaining position. Have you ever read my book, The Art of the Deal: Brick by Brick?

FADE

[Chris Eco]

We’re at a Thursday night house show, and at a lull between matches, “Happy” plays over the PA system and Ecosystem comes out to boos. He grabs a microphone and climbs onto the ring apron, grabbing the top rope and hanging off it a little bit.

Eco: Are all your heroes dead?

Eco steps into the ring.

Eco: You know, we in the Awakening . . . we say that a lot. That all your heroes are dead, and no one can save you now. I don’t know if it’s true, frankly. But boy, do you act like it. Your Presidential candidates are the dictionary definitions of “cynical corruption” and “schoolyard bully,” and the entire political conversation is built around who we blame for our problems. The businessman or the immigrant, the rich man or the minority.

Pause.

Eco: I guess you must really hate me as all four, huh?

The crowd boos the insinuation, but Eco paces, almost looking past them.

Eco: You know who didn’t hate me? You know who didn’t even care about me? My law school classmates. See, I have some friends graduating, and it had me thinking. When I went back to law school from here – Yale, in case you don’t remember, because I went to a real school, not the University of Idaho (boos) – when I went back to law school, I thought I was going to be big man on campus. I founded a wrestling company! Even if they didn’t care about wrestling, there was a popular television show that was my idea! Who wouldn’t want to be friends with that guy? Who wouldn’t want to suck up to me?

But nobody cared. Not a bit. They had the few things they cared about – who is going to advise the White House, who is going to clerk on the Supreme Court – and that was really it. Anything outside that, they didn’t really care. To them, I may as well have been Jeb Bush standing in the middle of the room, shrugging and saying, “Please clap.”

Eco smirks at his reference before leaning against the turnbuckles.

Eco: Moosehead Jack. You raised an interesting question last week to Tytan, among all your insults and jibes . . . and before giving me the chain-assisted heart punch, very cute, by the way. But you asked: What is Juni doing in The Awakening? Is this just Tytan playing Juni and the rest of the team for saps?

It’s a fair question coming from you – maybe only from you – since you’re the only one who ever played me for a sap, really. I won’t forget it, I won’t forgive it, but I do respect it. So is our friend Tytan playing me? No, Jack. He – along with all my new friends – are giving me the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.

Attention. You can call it ratings, celebrity, legacy, whatever you like, but deep down, I still have the child’s need for attention. You know what Awakening really did for me? At my lowest when Firewoman didn’t return my phone calls?

Eco pauses for a second, remembering that wasn’t quite true, but then shakes it out of his head.

They made me the center of attention again. Did they give me a championship? No. But they gave me this. My microphone. My beautiful, perfect toy, every time Beverly came to the ring, half the time the Sisters or Agrius or Tytan came to the ring, more and more opportunities to talk and listen to all you idiots boo the crap out of me for being smarter and better looking than you. (Boos, predictably.) And the fun thing is, everything I get to say is true. Tytan really is a monster and a champion in waiting. Agrius is a monster, a masters' student and a model all in one. The Sisters are really as good as they say, and that's why they're the champions. And Beverly Cambridge really is the future of this company, and will prove it even further when she takes her rightful championship back from the Burger Queen this week.

But here's the problem with just saying true things. It doesn't get you attention forever. And if Donald Trump has taught me anything, brash insults and promises you can't keep are what really makes news. 

So I'm going to call my shot. Tommy Wilder, new Intercontinental Champion. You're a cute kid, but you're a fluke. Every time you hold a championship, it's a fluke, a one-night-only engagement. Your Grand Slam is built on one-month championship reigns, and this time, Flukey Tommy Wilder, you won't even make it to a full week.

Eco pauses.

Eco: Heh . . . Flukey Tommy Wilder. I like that.

Eco takes out his phone and begins typing.



Eco pauses as the crowd boos. He looks up and glares.

Eco: Excuse me, I'm waiting to begin trending!

The crowd boos as Eco waits . . . and waits . . .

Eco: Are you people even retweeting this?? (Boos.) Fine, I'll just join a trending topic. What's trending? Hmmm . . . okay . . . 



Eco: . . . I don't understand why that loser is trending, but that will do for now. And now, your main event . . . here to face your local loser Mr. Atomic . . . she is the Undisputed Future of the OOWF, the Brains of the Operation, Tomorrow's Legend and the once and future Onslaught Champion . . . BEVVVVVVERLY CAMBRIDGE!

Beverly comes out to a mixed reaction as Ecosystem rolls out of the ring to greet her - but the audience pops when they see she is wearing a "Make OOWF Zed Again" hat that she waves around. Eco yells at her to get rid of that, and she shrugs and tosses it to the side. Eco looks around quickly, before grabbing the hat and putting it on as he exits.

FADE

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the Palatial Beer Money locker room, where we find SYB and Skurge LISTENTING~! to Beer Money 183: The NeverEndingBM, which is available now on The Flawedcast Network and iTunes…

Skurge: Nice plug, Voiceover Guy.

*Thanks, Skurge.

SYB: Speaking of plugs…

Skurge: Speaking of plugs…

SYB: I guess we should plug our upcoming show.

Skurge: You mean our upcoming match at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (Show 743) Atomic City, Idaho May 18, 2016?

SYB: Uhhhhh, yeah. Of course that’s what I meant.

Skurge: Allllllright.

SYB: But before we get into that, I have a question.

Skurge: Shoot.

SYB: If you could go back in time and see any concert you want, what would you see?

Skurge: Good question, eh? I’ve got a list of up to but no more than five. Would you like to hear them now?

SYB: Here’s an idea: why don’t you email them to [e-mail], tweet them to @beermoneypod, or leave them in a voicemail at 760-896-GIMP? That’s 760-896-4467. And then we’ll read or play them on Beer Money 184.

Skurge: Sounds like a plan, eh?

SYB: It suuure does.

Skurge: So what were we talking aboot?

SYB: Our upcoming match at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (Show 743) Atomic City, Idaho May 18, 2016.

Skurge: Right. Matt Folz. Mai Muyo. Multiple-time former champions at various levels. From what I understand, a new team without much experience working together. One from approximately Wisconsin, the other from, like, San Francisco maybe?

SYB: You going anywhere with this, or are you just going to keep reciting vague, half-remembered “facts”?

Skurge: Starting to look like the latter. You got anything?

SYG: Nope. We were born and bred to drink and spend thriftily. These chumps should be no problem.

Skurge: Then let’s do this.

SYB: Let’s.

*FADE*

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Dre Gaines is approached by SFJ #77 ~~~

SFJ #77: Drre, you are in an odd pairing this week with Ghosthead facing two of The Awakening.

Dre: Gurl, You knows one thang, dat means some Double Trouble for Da Waknin.

SFJ #77:How do you figure that?

Dre:Well, you knows how I do's things... G-Style. But mow dey got Ghost & Gaines across from them. Dat's 2 G's....Double G-Style! Aint no WAY we's be stopped!

[Chris Eco]

Mai Muyo is kicking the punching bag in the gym when Matt Folz comes up behind her.

Matt: Hey, Mai.

No response. Matt spots the headphones.

Matt: (louder) HEY MAI!

No response. Matt pulls one of the buds out by the cord, and Mai spins around and kicks him.

Matt: OW!

Mai: Shit shit, I'm sorry! You just startled me.

Matt: Fine. It's fine.

Matt eases back into a chair.

Matt: What were you blasting that you couldn't hear me?

Mai: Oh, I was listening to Beer Money 183: The NeverEndingBM, now available on the Flawedcast Network and iTunes.

Matt: You were blasting a podcast at full volume?

Mai: It's a very high-quality product and I want to make sure I catch every word, whether I download via Flawedcast Network and iTunes.

Mai gives the camera a thumbs-up.

Matt: Uh-huh. So speaking of which, you may remember that they jumped me on Wednesday -

Mai: But they jumped you and Chloe in a way such that we got the win, right?

Matt: Aren't you supposed to be a super-face? Someone jumping your partner during a match, no bueno on principle?

Mai: In general, yes.

Matt: But in specific?

Mai: They're IHOP Beer Money. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, you know?

Matt: Is that Billie Holiday?

Mai: Oh, Billie Holiday at Carnegie Hall! I'll tweet that one @beermoneypod.



Matt: You're into the U.S. Civil Rights Movement?

Mai: Totally! Juni got me really into American history . . . he was never as interested in that part though.

Matt: Gee, I wonder why . . . 

Mai: Hey! I already got a reply!







Mai: Uh, I don't think -

Matt: Leave it alone. Beer Money, "Wisconsin" and "San Francisco" over here -

Mai: By the way, guys, I'm not from San Francisco. That's just a place Asians happen to live.

Matt: Point is, Wisconsin and Japan, we comin' for you, uh . . . 

Mai: Ninnies?

Matt: Sure.

FADE

[Zed]

Zed is sitting in the presently empty bleachers at Atomic Motor Raceway. His feet are propped up on the row of bench seating in front of him, and he is staring out at the track with the slightest smile on his face ... before the peace and quiet is interrupted by BRICK~!.

Z: How ... how did you know I'd be here?

B: Because it's a racetrack. You're pretty predictable. If we go somewhere with a racetrack, you end up visiting it.

Z: ... Fair. Pretty crazy that a town of 30 people has one, though.

B: I have a very important question to ask you.

Z: ... Okay?

B: Why aren't you following me on Twitter @realoowfbrick?

Z: Because I - wait, you ran all the way out here to ask me why I don't follow you on Twitter?

B: That's not an answer, Zed. The people want answers.

Z: Well, the answer is I don't have a Twitter.

B: WHAT?! Zed, do you realize how much traction #MakeOOWFZedAgain is getting right now? This is a movement! The movement needs a leader!

Z: I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a bold prediction.

B: What's that, Zed?

Z: I'm going to say that not only did you know I don't have a Twitter, you have taken it upon yourself to create a Twitter account for me, ran out here to tell me about it under the guise of "not knowing" I didn't have one, and probably even sent out my first tweet as you ran here without my approval.

Silence.

Z: Hand me your phone.

BRICK~! hands Zed the phone. Zed sees this tweet.


Z: Well, it's not overly Trump-y or offensive, so I can't be that disappointed. 

Zed then sees that "he" has retweeted BRICK~!'s tweet about The Man in the Hood.

Z: Damn it all.

B: Aren't you excited? Look at all the people following you already! You're going to be a Twitter winner!

Z: Yeah ... yeah, thanks, BRICK~!. I appreciate it. Let me just install a Twitter app on my phone ... and change my account password ...

FADE.

[Jack Quinn]

<13 walks into the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center with LD and Stank behind her>

13: See, there he is guys, Jack won't quit. He's been at it for hours straight. He keeps calling more workers in here, calls them all Darlings. He's busted a few of em up pretty bad. I tried to get him to stop, to go to bed and get some rest, but he won't let go.

LD: I know, and nobody can make him

MHJ: BILLY DEE! LUCAS! Just in time. Pull up a chair, or better yet <pointing at two terrified workers> YOU TWO, get in here

LD: Jack, you been hittin it awful hard, haven't ya?

MHJ: Nonsense, I've not yet begun to destroy myself.

Sta: <climbing into the ring and putting a hand on Jack's shoulder> We were wonderin' if you wouldn't want to go over to the local dive bar.....

MHJ: I will not be pawed at, thank you very much

Sta: Sorry man

MHJ: That's alright, Moosehead Fucking Jack can destroy people day and night, and then some <Jack takes a long drink of whiskey, sways a little bit, they motions for another worker to get into the ring> NOW!

<the worker gets into the ring and they lock up, the worker whips Jack to the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Jack ducks and stops, when the worker turns around Moose OBLITERATES him with a stiff clothesline>

MHJ: OOPS! <staggering a bit> Damn son, that HAD to hurt!

<another worker bravely stands up>

Brave Worker: What is that now? Like twelve guys you've knocked out, Jack? Son of a bitch, no one deserves that. No one is that good.

MHJ: <slurring a little bit> Why Alex, whatever do you mean?

LD: <looking at the brave worker, then Jack> Take it easy boys, it's just some practice

MHJ: Perhaps wrestling's just not your game, Alex. I know! Let's have a spelling contest! <Moose doubles over laughing and staggering around the ring>

BW: <getting up and climbing onto the apron> How 'bout if I just kick your drunk ass?

LD: Enough man

BW: Why you protectin' him? Look what he's done! We're the ones who've been hurt! You are all in this together. Goddamn Saints, you're all in this together!

Sta: Nobody's in anything. He's drunk and you're fine. Just walk away <LD puts his hand on the Brave Worker's shoulder and starts to guide him out of the ring>

BW: Get your gotdamn hands off me! Don't you ever put your hands on me, see? I am TIRED of y'all tryin' to manhandle us, push us around like we ain't nothin'. Put your hands on me again and I'll cut your gotdamn heart out!

LD: <getting uncharacteristically LIVID> DON'T YOU THREATEN ME YOU LITTLE SON OF A.......

Sta: All right! All right! Come on, easy Billy Dee. Look, whatever your name is, why don't you and the others take off. I think we are done for the night. Look, we'll make sure there is some extra in your pay, or whatever


MHJ: <drinking more> Well, that certainly was a bust. Come on 13, let's go find more Darlings to destroy!

<Moose starts to climb out of the ring, but staggers and falls off the apron and hits the floor>

13: What's wrong, Jack?

MHJ: Nothin'. Not a thing. I'm right as the mail. Why's the room so spinny?

<Jack blacks out and collapses to the floor>

LD: Jack? Jack! Come on, let's get him up and off to the locker room.

<13 remains behind and talks to a few of the workers, thanking them for the training time, she finally gets to the Brave Worker, who is still not happy>

BW: What's wrong with him?

13: Black out drunk

BW: Yeah? Well I hope he dies

<what the brave worker doesn't know is LD and Stank have returned and are standing right behind him. Lucas clears his throat and the worker turns around>

LD: You REALLY shouldn't have said that

<LD slams him between the eyes with a headbutt and throws him into the ring. Stank and LD climb inside and DECIMATE the worker. LD delivers numerous high German suplexes, a couple of Canadian Destroyers, Stank hits three TRIPLE STANK BOMBS as well as a STANK-U and finishes it with a rarely seen STANKSAULT! LD traps the Brave Worker in a CROSSFACE and makes him tap repeatedly. By the time they finish the worker is an unconscious, bloody mess in the middle of the ring>

LD: Huh, Jack was right, this IS fun

Sta: Almost as good as running with Fire

LD: Yeah, I am sure the benefits of running with Fire FAR outweigh beating down some workers

Sta: <feigning innocence> I have NO idea what you're talking about Billy Dee

13: Let's get back to the locker room, I have more footage of Royalty

<the three leave, and we fade>

[L!zz~]

(Beverly is finishing an intense work out when she is approached by an SFJ)

SFJ666: Beverly, was hoping we could get a quick comment from you?

Bev: (after wiping her face with a towel) Sure, what about?

SFJ: Your upcoming PPV Match. Hair vs Hood. Are you worried?

Bev: No. Not at all.

SFJ: Really? You could lose and your hair will be shaved off.

Bev: That is very true. I can lose but even if I do, the Hooded Man is going to be extremely sorry he started this crap.

SFJ: What do you mean?

Bev: I mean, that even if I lose, he's going to suffer. These past few weeks of his random attacks, his announcements thru Nate..for what? For something I did in my past? Be a man. Grow a set and come confront me. I'm not running. I'm not hiding. I am right here. Easy to find. He shows up for his matches, to be a prick and disappears again.

SFJ: I see. So, as long you do some damage you don't mind becoming bald?

Bev: Exactly. (shrugs) Besides, I was bald once before.

SFJ: (seemingly surprised) You were?

Bev: Yeah, hold on..let me grab my phone. (Beverly steps away, off camera and returns a few moments later scrolling thru her phone) Here. See.

(The SFJ peers at the screen than turns it toward the camera)

SFJ: Oh, hey you don't look half bad!

Bev: Thanks. So, I rocked it before. I'll rock it again. He doesn't scare me. And the threat of losing my hair? It grows back. What I take from him won't.

(Bev takes her phone back, wraps her towel around her neck, nods at ths SFJ and heads off)

[Chris Eco]

Ecosystem is sitting in the corner of a ring, smiling. He has blood smeared across his chest.

Voice off-screen: He’s coming to, boss.

Second Voice: Who the fuck are you . . .

Eco: Good. Turn him toward me.

The camera pans out and we see that some makeshift doctor is standing over the Brave Worker from earlier after stitching him up, and holds him up on his knees to face Ecosystem.

Eco: Do you know who I am?

BW: Ecosystem. Yeah, I know you. You’re, uh . . .

Eco: The Founder of the OOWF.

BW: . . . I was gonna say, kind of a cunt.

Eco: Cute.

BW: Where’s that blood from? Beat up some of my boys yerself?

Eco: Oh, it’s actually your blood. I thought I may as well decorate myself before I had my doctor stitch you up.

BW: You’re sick.

Eco: No, I think I’m quite well. You know who is sick? Moosehead Jack.

BW: You’re not kidding. He and his boys, bunch of fucking psychos.

Eco: Indeed. And the shame is, my friend, that people forget this. The Saints are seen as tough, fun, sexy, the cool grizzled veterans of the bygone era. It’s cool to cheer the Saints now. But they’ve never changed. Compare what they did to you to how Tytan has treated the journeymen of this company, back when he would lead the strikes. Advocating for you. Lobbying for your contracts. A voice for the voiceless.

BW: He ain’t a bad guy. You, on the other hand –

Eco: Kind of a cunt?

BW: I was gonna say Lucifer this time.

Eco sneers and crawls closer to the man.

Eco: The Devil will quote Scripture to serve his ends, and it makes the Gospel he speaks no less true. So I’m asking you for a simple favor. I want you to go talk to Tommy Wilder. I want you to tell him what Moosehead Jack, what Stank, and especially what Daddy Williams did. Not just what they saw on OOWF-TV, but every bit of it, in excruciating detail. I want you to tell him what they do regularly to journeymen like you. And I want you to ask him if he really believes that men like those are preferable to the men and women of the Awakening.

BW: And if I don’t?

Eco shrugs.

Eco: Enemies threaten. Friends suggest. Marcus, let’s go.

Eco and his doctor leave.

FADE

[wyattcox]

(The Sisters of Sin are in the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center working out against some of the Poor Unfortunate Jobbers. Eventually Brave Worker pops into the rotation, and smirks at the Sisters..)

BW: Oh, the cunt’s cunts. Guess I should really be afraid, since you’re worrying about that other psychopath.

(Chloe angrily dashes across the ring and clotheslines the Brave Worker out of his boots. He smirks at Chloe.)

BW: Nice. I suppose you’re gonna hit me with your Teddy Bear now, huh?

(Chloe turns to Edra, who throws Chloe her Chloebear, and Chloe swings the bear and the Brave Worker goes down like a shot. Chloe opens a zipper at the back of the bear and gravel comes pouring out. Chloe then takes the bear and begins choking the nearly unconscious worker with it. Edra comes into the ring and pulls her off of him and tells her to take five. Chloe skips back to the corner as Edra tries to bring him around. Unfortunately, this bozo has no off switch.)

BW: Ah, the other psycho sister, worrying about her boyfriend.

Edra: Not worrying. It’s just hard to find any male that can keep up with me. In the ring...or elsewhere.

BW: Well, you haven’t sampled ME yet...I’d have you tapping out in a minute...

(Edra smirks, gives the Brave Worker a shot in the fishing tackle, drops him with a Powerdriver, then locks him into the Muta Lock. BW wastes no time in tapping. Edra, though, takes her time releasing the hold. Finally she lets the Brave Worker go.)

Edra: You thought wrong. Now get to stepping, boy.

(Edra turns her back and hears the Brave Worker say under his breath...)

BW: Bitch.

(Edra rolls her eyes and gestures for Chloe to come back into the ring. The Brave Worker isn’t paying attention when he gets up, and the Sisters hit him with Double Elimination! For good measure, Chloe grabs him up for a Corkscrew! Edra and Chloe surround the Brave Worker.)

Edra: Appears to me you have the right to remain silent, but not the ability.

Chloe: Too bad you’ve got a bad attitude. My sister just might have made you lucky tonight. Now you’re just gonna be alone. In a semi-private room.

(Chloe picks up the Brave Worker and throws him into the ropes. Edra catches him off the ropes with a Gorilla Press, and throws him out of the ring. Unfortunately no one even tries to catch him and he hits the floor hard.)

Edra: Darn, I missed. NEXT?

(Most of the remaining jobbers scatter)

Chloe: Awww, they’re scared of a couple of girls.

Edra: (Pointing at the camera) Hey, Murphys? You guys are good. We know that. But we’re better. Bring Jack of the Hinterlands, Back of Beyond Jack, Jack in the Box, Jack Skellington, Jack Daniels, Jack in the Box,

Chloe: I’m hungry.

Edra: Jack in the box it is... Murphys, all your heroes are dead, and no one can save you.

Chloe: Can I get a Triple Cheese and Hash Brown Breakfast Burrito?

Edra: With Onion rings?

Chloe: Sure!

Edra: (Picking up her phone) As long as I can have a Bacon Double Cheeseburger!

Chloe: Cool!

Edra: Uh-oh. It’s a four hour road trip.

Chloe: Saddle the bikes!

(The phone rings)

Edra: Yeah? Sure, text me the order! Bye!

Chloe: Who was that?

Edra: Tytan. He wants some Taco Bell.

Chloe: Cool! I’ll have some of that too.

Edra: OK, but I ride in front of you. (Walks away)

Chloe: Why would you...HEY! Spoilsport!

(Chloe runs to catch her sister as the scene fades)

[Chris Eco]

In the Hallway of Random Encounters, Johnny Inagawa is strolling back from the bathroom – when he hears a voice from overhead.

Mai: Look up.

Inagawa does – and Mai drops down from the piping overhead.

Inagawa: Spider child.

Mai: You know, Johnny . . . I’ve been trying to think of how to respond to the shit you pulled on me for a long while now.

Inagawa: And now is the time? Very well, I suppose everyone else has had theirs.

Inagawa backs up and grabs a lead pipe from alongside the wall. He swings it at Mai, and she dodges to the side. He turns back around, and she spits PINK MIST into his face! Inagawa stumbles back, expecting burning . . .

Inagawa: I – I don’t feel anything.

Mai: It’s play mist. It’s not meant to hurt. I’m not here to hurt you. Come sit with me.

Mai gestures to a shipping crate, which she sits on. Inagawa eyes her warily, but takes a seat a distance beside, not releasing the pipe.

Mai: Look, I get it.

Inagawa: Get what, child?

Mai: You and Firewoman. I mean, I get how you feel she took your honor. Ruined your life for a time. And as much as I would tell you to blame the people who actually did maim you, I understand the culture you and I both come from.

Inagawa: You understand? Really? Your hand is intact, I believe.

Mai: My brother’s is not. He was fourteen.

Inagawa shifts, slightly uncomfortably, but loses no composure.

Inagawa: I don’t think I knew that.

Inagawa pauses and thinks of something else, then smiles.

Inagawa: Your brother . . . he owns this company, yes?

Mai: He’s among the owners, yes.

Inagawa: I see.

Mai: Look, Johnny. I’ve learned that people don’t like me to beat them over the head with the Bible –

Inagawa: Figuratively or literally?

Mai: Both. But I’ll just say something basic. Sin doesn’t reverse sin. Lisa losing a finger doesn’t grow yours back. Even if you don’t believe Christ covered your sin in his blood, you have to recognize that forgiveness is what truly heals, not vengeance.

Mai rolls up her sleeve to show her friendship bracelet from Firewoman.

Mai: If I didn’t believe that, I couldn’t wear this. Even the people she loves, she hurts. But your hatred isn’t her problem. It’s yours. 

Johnny Inagawa is half-listening, sizing Mai Muyo up.

Inagawa: Do you believe your brother still listens to you?

Mai: No. Well . . . almost no.

Inagawa: Almost?

Mai: He won’t listen to anything about morality or character. But I think if I went to him out of true need . . . I think he would listen.

Inagawa: Interesting.

Johnny Inagawa stands up.

Inagawa: I don’t know what your game is, Muyo. But I will also, like your brother, continue to listen.

Inagawa leaves the pipe and walks away.

FADE

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is standing in the loading dock having a conversation with Stank, arms folded.

S: Where's the motorcycle I got you?

FW: Still in Georgia, since it's still in your name, so Lucky had my other one sent up here.

S: There's no helmet.

FW: It's at the hotel somewhere.

S: You're not riding without a helmet.

FW: Sometimes I do.

S: Not anymore you don't.

FW: *petulantly* Alex lets me ride without a helmet.

S: I will ignore that for now. The point is that you are with me now and that means you wear a helmet.

FW: Don't tell me what to--

S: Gotdammit, woman, do you think I'm investing all this time and energy, heart and soul into you just so one day I can see your brains splattered all over the concrete?

FW: Oh....that would probably suck for you.....

S: More than you appear to know.

FW: ....

S: ....

FW: Okay, I'll wear it. But not here.

S: *sighs* Why?

FW: Because I am not leaving the hotel without a radiation suit.

S: .....What?

FW: Atomic City? Duh!!!

S: ....

FW: ....

S: Lisa....

FW: I am not sure the arena is lead lined, either. We may not even be safe--

S: LISA...It's not radioactive out. It's called "Atomic City" because the Idaho National Laboratory used to do testing and--

FW: SEE? Ooo... I wonder if there's giant ants....

S: Probably not--

FW: Or....UFOS!!!

Fire starts scrolling on her phone while Stank rubs his temples. Fire seems to stop on something, and her brow furrows angrily, and then storms back in the building.

S: What....WHAT?

He follows her, trying to figure out what trouble she might be getting herself into. She arrives at the Spin Hansen Training Facility where Brave Worker has gotten back on his feet.  She rushes over to him to help him up.

BW: Oh great another c--

FW: Hey, hey, are you okay?

BW: What? You....care?

FW: I saw what they did to you, man...can't believe it.

BW: Yeah, well...you know what they say.

FW: Yep, sure do....*Stank appears in the doorway but stays somewhat out of sight*....I just...well, there's a lot of crazy around here, and it's really easy to get under people's skins, ya know? Even people who seem reasonable one minute, can just go OFF the next...it's weird.

BW: Hm....yeah...you know, you're alright. I always heard you were the one to be worried about.

FW: *smiling* Oh, really? Naaaaah.....you never need to worry that I'm going to attack you with wrestling moves, unless we're actually in the ring, and fully aware of the situation.

BW: Well...thanks....you're more reasonable than your brother.

FW: That is the rumor. Here...*she hands him a bottle of water*

BW: Thanks.

They start to walk out of the locker room.

FW: Oh, the other thing is--

Firewoman spins and punches Brave Worker right in the nose. He staggers back, blood pouring from his face.

FW: Never......*punch to the jaw*....and I mean NEVER.......*kick to the gut*.....use that word.....*uppercut to the jaw*....to refer to.......*another punch to the face*.......ANY employee here......*Brave Worker falls*.....AGAYN.

BW: You said...you wouldn't--

FW: I said I wouldn't attack you with wrestling moves. Sleep now. Wake up with a better attitude.

Firewoman punctuates with a downward axe kick. Brave Worker stops talking. Fire turns, and brushes her hair out of her eyes and sees Stank just sort of standing there. She smiles, as if nothing actually had happened.

FW: Oh, hey, what are you--

S: I thought you might need back up....I guess not.

FW: Why are you looking at me like that?

S: I never noticed how curly your hair is......

Firewoman smiles more, and holds out her arm.

FW: I kinda want a latte.

Stank takes her arm.

S: Then a latte you shall have.

Arm and arm they walk out.

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Chad Madison is in front of the OOWF Interview Banner ~~~

Chad: Johnny, normally I'd stand here and tell you to saddle up and hold on tight. Tell you you're in for more than an 8-second ride.

Not today.

Today, I'm just going to tell you that come Wednesday, I am whipping your hide up one side of that ring and down the other. It's too late for you Johnny boy, you're Getting The Horns, no matter what.

[wld]

Stank, 13, and a mildly sober Moosehead Jack are sitting in the Saints’ locker room when L.D.Williams, soaking wet, hobbles in. Bing-Bong trumpets from outside.

LDW: SAVE IT FOR THAT STUPID VIXENS SHOW!

L.D. takes a beer from the fridge and throws himself into a chair, wincing as he lands. He turns and almost glares at 13.

LDW: You’re a woman.

13: ...thank-you?

LDW: You go talk to her.

13 raises an eyebrow at Moose, who shrugs. 13 returns the shrug, then goes to see Bing-Bong.

S: Billy-Dee, I’d ask if I want to know what happened to you...but that would be silly. Spill.

LDW: ...I did my time, you know? I raised two boy-crazy adolescents - one of each. I was supposed to be done.

S: ...But?

LDW: We went to film the pilot, right? And-

MHJ: Wait. You got somebody to buy that thing?

LDW: The beauty of modern television - if it’s cheap and has a hook, some idiot’ll green light it. Anyway, we went to Boise - they’ve got an elephant on loan who has ‘authority issues’. So we go in there, and she locks eyes with that monster - boom - instantly smitten.

S: That doesn’t sound so bad.

LDW: Really? Would you like to stand between ten thousand pounds of pachyderm? The more he showed off, the more she fawned over him. The more she fawned, the more he showed off. Next thing I know, I’m dunked in the pool and handed to her like a bouquet!

Stank tries to hide his smile, looking anywhere but at L.D., while Moose’s face remains stoic, but his ribs are shaking. 13 walks back into the room and smacks L.D. in the back of the head.

LDW: OW! What was that for?

13: Standing in the way of young love, you monster.

<fade>

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is WALKING~! through the halls with this....



It's clicking. Not a lot, but she's checking all the walls, floors, ceilings. She bumps into Rabbit. She looks closely at him, and then aims the Geiger Counter at him.

GC: *click*........*click*........*click click*...............

RM: What the....where the hell did you find that?

FW: Under the ring.

RM: Why would we have a Geiger counter under the ring?

FW: Why do we have half the stuff we have under the ring under there?

RM: Good question...quit aiming at me, I'm not radioactive.

FW: Giant rabbits aren't normal. There's tales of giant ants in places where there have been atomic tests, and--

RM: Those aren't tales, that's the really bad movie, "Them," from the 1950s.

FW: Oh.....it's not a--

RM: No, Fire, it's not a documentary...look, you're a little crazier than usual, is this just some ploy to throw me off base?

GC: *click click*.......*click*.........*click click*

FW: Noooooooo....well, maybe....but seriously, Bunny, this is a creepy place. There's one store, one bar, the gas station doesn't even sell gasoline.....It's creepy....

RM: It is....look, you know why were in this match, right?

FW: *nods* Switch up from the actual feuds, so that someone will come down and interfere.

GC: *click*......*click*......*click*......

RM: Probably yours. Chad doesn't seem the interfering type.

FW: Not usually....so....I will hit you so--

RM: Naw, let's not.

FW: well, I'll see you Wednesday, George.

Firewoman continues checking the area for radiation. Rabbit just watches her go, shaking his head.

[L!zz~]

(As Fire turns down a random hallway, continuning to check the radiation levels, Beverly is at the other end of the hall is sitting atop one of those big black cases that are seemingly always in the hallways. She is reading but when she hears the clicking she looks, an eyebrow raises as she watches Fire)

Fire: *click. click. click* (she continues down the hall, not seeing Bev at first. It is only when she comes to the end of the hall and must decide to Turn Left or right that she pauses and looks up) Oh. Hello.

Bev: I'd Turn Left.

Fire: Why? Your cronies lying in wait?

Bev: (rolls her eyes) Yes, we planned to lurk down a dark hallway hoping you'd pass by.

Fire: Like that doesn't happen around here?

Bev: Point, but, alas, as much as everyone would love for the Awakening to break their pledge of no backstage attacks, unless thoroughly provoked mind you, Turning Left is merely a suggestion.

Fire: And why would you suggest I Turn Left?

Bev: A woman I know of, once Turned Left and began the most amazing adventure of her life time. As things happen, she had the opportunity to go back choose to Turn Right...and her world fell apart.

Fire: (looks at Beverly with an expression that clearly says she is insane, but than her face changes) Huh...well, just because this woman needed to Turn Left doesn't mean I have to.

Bev: Of course not, but given the opportunity, I always Turn Left. I feel the greatest adventures can be found by going left rather than right.

Fire: (sighs) And they say I'm the weird one.

Bev: (laughs a bit) It was just a suggestion Fire. Besides, I walked up down the whole hall while I was on the phone. To the right is a weight room and catering. To the Left a bunch of doors to various offices. (shrugs, goes to pick her book back up)

Fire: What are you reading? (suddenly curious what type of books Bev would read)

(Bev holds up the book so Fire can read the title; "Language, Truth and Logic." Alfred J. Ayer)

Fire: Interesting.  Well, enjoy.

Bev: Thanks. (turning her attention back to her book) Have fun.

Fire: Mm.

(Fire looks left, than right, than at BB who is not looking at her. The scene dissolves before we see if Fire chooses to go Left, or Right or back down the hall)

[Jack Quinn]

<we cut to Justin and Bill in the Nowhere Bar, Grille & PCPL Repository>

JS: So, Bill, you face Sebastian Davis this week

ABFD: Hain't that that chere crab from that Fishy Lady movie? The one what done sung "Under the Sea?"

JS: No, I don't think he's a crab, but it is the OOWF so......

ABFD: Well hell son, hows I supposed to fight a crab?

JS: I don't think he is a crab, but just in case he is, you should bring melted butter to the ring. Crabs hate melted butter

ABFD: Son, Justin, yous smart as all get out!

JS: Just trying to help, I like your odds of winning this week though

ABFD: Son, I done calculafied the odds of me a winnin' this match, and ol Bill has a good chancea headin to the pay windaw! You know, ol Pappy Sill from Dawsonville done said that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Sebastian the Crab, and you can see that statement hain't true! See, normally if yous a fightin one-on-one with another rassler, you got a 50-50 chance of winnin’. Right?

JS: Yeah, that sounds right

ABFD: But Ol Bill hain't normal! Ol Bill can fight all night, so you got a 25% at best at beatifyin’ me! And then you add us bein right chere in Idaho to the mix? Ol Sebastian the Crab's chances of winnin’ drasticy go down. See Sebastian done got hisself a 33 1/3 chance of wiinnin’. But I, I got a 66 2/3 chance of winning, cause everyone done knows that they ain't no crabs in Idaho! Whoever heard of a potato crab?

JS: Would that be a crab that looks like a potato? Or a potato that looks like a crab?

ABFD: Hell son, it would be a crab done madified of potatoes! So, Sebastian the Crab, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus my 25 percent chance, and you got an 8 1/3 chance of winnin’ at Mayhem! But then you take my 75 perchance chance at a winnin’, if we was to go one-on-one, and to add 66 2/3 percents, I got a 141 2/3 chance of winnin at Mayhem! See, Justin? Them numbers don’t lieify, and they spell disaster for Sebastian the Crab at Mayhem!

JS: <whipping out a calculator and crunching the numbers> Hey! You're right, that all checks out!

ABFD: It's science son

JS: How'd you get so good at math?

ABFD: Son, Ol Bill was the first in his family to count over twenty without getting arrested for indecentify exposure! We done celebrated for DAYS! Ol Bill is the Pride of Possum Pecker Branch!

<Bill hoots and hollers and takes a drink, and we fade>

[Road Warrior Shark]

Moose gets an old fashioned Exalt for that one.

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial Beer Money locker room, where we find Skurge CHECKING~! Beer Money’s email account…

Skurge: Harumph.

SYB: Harumph, you say?

Skurge: Yes. Harumph. An expression of disdain, disbelief, protest, or dismissal. In this case, verging on disgust.

SYB: What’s up?

Skurge: Nothing. Nothing at all. No emails, no voicemails, and no tweets at all in response to our “If you could go back in time and see any concert, what concert would you see?” question.

SYB: Harumph.

Skurge: Right?

SYB: Maybe they forgot how to get ahold of us.

Skurge: Maybe. It’s worth a shot.

SYB: Speaking of plugs…

Skurge: Speaking of plugs…

SYB: You can email us at [e-mail], tweet us at @beermoneypod, or leave a voicemail at 760-896-GIMP. That’s 760-896-4467. And then we’ll read or play your messages on Beer Money 184.

Skurge: Still sounds like a plan, eh?

SYB: It suuure does.

*FADE*

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Chad Madison walks into the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center and sees Sebastian Davis in the ring running the ropes. Chad climbs up on the apron and watches. ~~~

Chad: Lead with the elbow a little more. You gain momentum that way.

Sebastian: I'm not in class anymore. And I don't need your help.

Chad: So two weeks in a row. You must be impressing people.

Sebastian: Or pissing off the wrong ones.

Chad: Hey, every time you get out in front of the fans is a good one.

Sebastian: Maybe for you. But going out there as a sacrificial lamb does not feel good.

Chad: Hey, I know you said you wanted to do this on your own, but if you need any help...

Sebastian: No thanks. If I'm going to go down in flames, I'm going down on my own terms. I don't want any help.

~~~ Davis turns his back on Chad and starts doing Hindu squats. Chad shrugs and drops down, heading for the Sauna ~~~

[L!zz~]

(As Bev catches up on OOWFTV, she pulls out her phone and opens up twitter)



(She quickly types out the following)

@beermoneypod





If one could travel back in time I'd choose Queen or Elvis. Time Travel, as if!



(she shakes her head and heads off screen)



OOC: Sadly, I could not get the fake tweet page to work for me..

[Sportsguy]

We see Matt Folz in the back with SFJ12.

SFJ12: Matt, you've been quiet this week. Anything you'd like to say to your opponents before tomorrow's match?

Matt: When they first called Mai and myself out, we were happy to give them a match. Former tag team champions, be a nice notch to have on our belts. I was going to keep this nice and lighthearted, they didn't seem like altogether bad guys. And from what I've heard they have OUTSTANDING taste in movies. But then last week they jumped me from behind. (Shaking head) That was a mistake gentlemen, a very bad mistake. I realize that we haven't really had any interaction in this company, you might not know that much about me so let me help you out.

I'm a multiple time Onslaught Champion, a multiple time Intercontinental Champion and a multiple time OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. And as you two are about to find out, I also have one hell of a mean streak. So we could have kept this fun, could have done some comedy promos back and forth, but you ruined all that. Instead now you're going to have a really pissed off 6'5, 225 pound wrestling machine looking to kick your ass.

SFJ12: Anything else?

Matt: About them? No. But I do have some news. Earlier this morning, Mai and myself came up with our team name.

SFJ12: Oh? What?

Matt: MJM Incorporated.

SFJ12: MJM?

Matt: Matt, Jaime, Mai. Because my wife is just as much a part of this team as anyone else.

SFJ12: Makes sense.

Matt: Anything else for me?

SFJ12: Nope. Enjoy your night watching Basketball and Hockey.

Matt: I hadn't thought about that, but now that you mention it (Smiles)

FADE

[dkmurphy]

*The Murphys are in the Destroyitarium when Scheme Gene catches up to them

SG: Murphy's Law, you are facing...

*Daniella glares at him with a Jack of the Hinterlands face, and Gene does the Gulp of Fear*

Dee: I know who we are facing. We are angry about our last match, we don't like them anyways, and it will get nasty.

*Gene looks at DK*

DK: Ditto.

Dee: "Ditto," you provincial putz!

*Dee and DK look at each other and laugh*

DK: OK Gene, we know who we are facing. They have a lot of wrestling ability, so we actually are preparing for them as well as we can. We already know what they can do, but we have been training and preparing. Bottom line, though, we think we have the size, strength, athleticism, and toughness to beat any team in the OOWF.

[Zed]

Zed and BRICK~! sit across from each other at a table, looking over an iPad queued onto the OOWF Network.

B: So ... gameplan for tomorrow against The Man in the Hood.

Z: All ears.

B: Obviously, he's going to have the size advantage on you, and the strength advantage. He appears to be fairly agile for his size as well. Certainly not any flippy shit, but he has managed to slip out of big moves a couple of times, so don't rush into anything trying to be a hero.

Z: I mean ... nobody's beaten him, correct? So we don't have a great idea what his weaknesses might be.

B: Actually ... as much as it pains me to admit it ...

BRICK~! shows footage from MidWeek Mayhem from Lahaina, Hawaii, as Ecosystem rolls up The Man in the Hood and grabs his ... tights? ... for a three count.

Z: ...

B: ...

Z: ... 

B: ...

Z: That's helpful ... I guess?

B: It's a legitimate strategy.

Z: ...

B: ...

Z: Well, I hope he's enjoying his little run of anonymity. Because once you lose your anonymity, you can never get it back. 

B: ...

Z: ...

B: ...

Z: ...

B: ... You can't end it like that.

Z: And why the hell not?

B: You didn't say the catchphrase, Zed.

Zed sighs.

B: Them's the rules. I don't make them.

Z: You literally made up my catchphrase that I didn't have just a month ago.

BRICK~! clears his throat and points at the camera.

Z: Umm ... tomorrow night, whoever you are, you ne'er do well, I'm going to Make the OOWF Zed Again.

B: Real convincing.

Z: Work in progress.

FADE.