[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Nate is sitting at his desk once again. ~~~

GMNC: It was brought to my attention by a certain member of the Board of Directors that I have not made a big enough deal of our OOWF World Champion. So here is what I am going to do.

This Wednesday, We will have ourselves a Triple Threat Ladder Match, and whomever can retrieve the contract from atop the ladder will be in the Main Event of Hell On Earth facing our World Champion. That match will involve Chad Madison, Firewoman & Alexander Darling

And with the unfortunate skirmish that gave us no winner in the Imperial Onslaught Fatal Four Way, I have decided to change gears just a little. For the next three weeks, Moosehead Jack, Dre Gaines, Poe and Rabbit Mask will square off in a Round Robin Series. The two men with the most wins across those six matches go one on one at Hell on Earth for the right to be the last man in Imperial Onslaught.

~~~ Nate posts the Lineup on his door and pours himself some coconut rum. ~~~

---

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (Show 761)
Monte Cristi, Dominican Republic
September 7, 2016

OOWF World Title Match
Tytan (C) vs. Stank

World Tag Team Title Match
The Circle (C) vs. Beer Money

Intercontinental Title Match
Ecosystem (C) vs. LD Williams

Campeonas de Trios Match
The Awakening (C) vs. Zed & Banned From Everywhere

World Title Contenders Ladder Match
Chad Madison vs. Firewoman vs. Alexander Darling

Non Title Match
Lindsay McAllister vs. Mac Flasher

Round Robin Series
Moosehead Jack vs. Dre Gaines
Rabbit Mask vs. Poe

Alexis Darling vs. Sebastian Davis
MJM Incorporated vs. Murphy's Law
Agrius vs. Shizuru-Mune Mangyuniku
Tommy Wilder vs. Miranda Williams


Card Subject to The Count of Monte Cristi showing up.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Card edit because I am dumb and don't remember to edit these things when I rebook stuff

[Road Warrior Shark]

And Again because now having 2 Jobber matches is dumb

[DrMcAwesome]

*SEXY FEMALE JOURNALIST 37 finds an exhausted MAC FLASHER in his cabin within minutes of the conclusion of the Aug. 31 episode of MidWeek Mayhem*

SFJ37: “Mac Flasher. This has to be the biggest win of your short career, wouldn’t you agree?”

MAC: “See, 37 … It was only the biggest win of my career because it was my most recent. It’s as I said before, I’m here to prove people wrong and win each day as it comes. Stank got a bit of an inferiority complex because I supposedly brought the age of the Saints of Sinners, and Stank, into things when, in all actuality, those words and that topic never crossed my lips. Stank, to look at your accomplishments and what you’re still capable of … And to know that I pinned you clean as a sheet in the ring, tonight … It’s a big deal to me, regardless of whomever else is talking about your age. I’m not going to bed tonight thinking that I pinned an old man, I’m going to bed tonight knowing that I beat one of the best that this company has ever seen. Stepping stone. Big damn mountain. Whatever, I planted my flag victoriously tonight.”

SFJ37: “So, you have Lindsay McAllister next week in a non-title match. She’s an opponent that you haven’t quite solved, but what makes you think that next week … Or your eventual title shot will be any different than those times that Lindsay has beaten, usually soundly?”

MF: “It’s funny because Lindsay has been proving a few people wrong in the past few weeks. Once at my expense. It’s as if she’s tapped into her natural abilities a bit more and is confident enough to not always rely on cheating to win. Really, I almost have to applaud that. But … Here I am. Coming off a huge win of my own. This might be a preview of Hell on Earth. This might be as far removed from what you’re going to see in North Carolina as what the Onslaught title match will be. Having seen her in the ring a lbot in my short time here, I have seen a lot of versions of Lindsay McAllister. It’s on her to bring a different side or know that I’m coming with a hell of a scouting report on Wednesday.”

SFJ37: “I see. You have a lot of time to develop that scouting report, I guess.”

MF: “I do. Can’t wait to see Lindsay in the ring again. Heck, I was so eager to meet her again that I personally wanted to tell her what a good job she did in beating two OOWF Grand Slam champions tonight. I’m sure that she appreciated me presenting her with a championship that I plan on taking from her in a short amount of time.”

SFJ37: “And what did you say to her, Mac?”

MF: “Someone will have to ask her. I don’t divulge private conversations when I can help it. Especially with the camera activity on this boat.”

SFJ37: “Fair enough. Congratulations and good luck.”

*SEXY FEMALE JOURNALIST 37 departs as MAC thinks that cameras are off and that the scene is fading*

MF (to himself, but easily picked up by the camera’s mic): “Holy shit! I beat Stank? How in the world did I do that?”

*MAC turns his attention to his iPhone as the scene fades for realsies, this time*

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see Matt, Jaime and Mai walking down the Hallway of Just Defeated Ex Champions.

Matt: This sucks. I mean I had prepared for it, knew it was an inevitability but still....

Mai: I know, I'm sorry Matt.

Matt: Not your fault kiddo. (Sighs) I just have to take a long hard cold look at the truth and accept what happened. I have to admit the truth, no matter how much I hate to say it: It's 10 days away from the regular season and my team is going into it with a fucking CHOKING ASS MOTHERFUCKER WHO DIDN'T GO FOR 2 EVEN THOUGH IT WAS THE OBVIOUS PLAY Down Syndrome's patient as Head Coach and a 974 year old Senile asshole as Defensive Coordinator. Christ, I'm already fucking pissed. We're going to go 11-5 or 12-4 and get our fucking shit kicked in in the NFC Championship game because those two retarded fucks NEVER CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, did you read the Deadspin Article? Every damn word Drew wrote about McCarthy was true. Every....damn....word. Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that a VIKINGS fan was right about anything? Oh, and speaking of Vikings fans.... Stan if you're watching, I'm genuinely sorry about Bridgewater. Outside of the team he plays for, I honestly like the kid and hope he comes back. Still, it's almost football season so fuck you and fuck the Vikings.

Mai: .....

Jaime: ......

Matt: What? It's almost football season, he understands what I meant by that.

Jaime: Um.... hon? I do believe Mai was talking about you losing the Championships tonight.

Mai: Yeah.

Matt: Oh... yeah. Obviously that sucks too.

Mai: Sorry I let you down.

Matt: Who the hell said you did? Hell, I was the one who took the pin tonight.

Mai: Yeah, but possibly I could have been quicker breaking it up. Maybe everyone was right, I was the weak link in this team.

Matt: Mai, we lost tonight, it happens. Does it suck? Yeah. Would I have liked to have a little longer reign? Of course. But to call yourself a weak link is ridiculous. Imagine for a second there were no such things as heels and faces. Imagine that I could have had free reign to pick any partner in this or any other wrestling company. You know who I would have picked?

Mai: Who?

Matt: You. Not because we're friends, that had nothing to do with it. But because you are incredibly talented. And I'll make a prediction right here and now: At some point between now and one year of this evening, Matt Folz will be clapping and smiling ear to ear as he watches Mai Muyo win the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship and complete her own Grand Slam.

Mai: You really believe that?

Matt: I do. I KNOW you have the talent.....and I'll help you out however I can to get you there if you want.

Mai: Thanks.

Matt: (Smirks) Of course even when you do get there, you'd still have a ways to go to match my legacy.

Mai: What do you mean?

Matt: I was going to put this in my Grand Slam speech that I never got around to for....reasons. But check this shit out:

Grand Slam Winner, obviously. But also

2010 OOWF Invitational Winner

2010 Tag Team Invitational Winner with the aforementioned Mr Fulton

2013 Imperial Onslaught Winner

2013 Wrestler of the Year

2014 and 2015 Face of the Year.

Now let me ask you something, you know who else has won the Grand Slam plus all those other accomplishments I just listed?

Jaime: Chad?

Mai: Moose?

Matt: Both good guesses, both wrong.

Jaime: LD?

Mai: Stank?

Matt: Nope. The answer is no one. I'm the only one in this company's HISTORY who's won The Grand Slam, The Invitational, The Tag Invitational, Imperial Onslaught, and Wrestler of the Year. Do I bring this up to brag? Yes. But also to get rid of any guilt you might have had Mai. Certainly be upset for yourself that we lost, in fact be pissed at me if you want to that I cost you tonight. But don't feel bad for me ok?

Mai: OK.

Matt: Good, let's go get a burger, I'm starved.

The trio walk off as we...... FADE

[L!zz~]

(It is the wee hours of the morning and the ship is cruising along. Beverly is seen way below deck, her bag across her, she glances at the room numbers before pausing in front of one. Knocking lightly, she tries the knob and it is locked. Reaching into her pocket she pulls out what look like a screwdriver and turns her body, blocking the camera view as she points it at the door. As the door pops open, she slips in and closes it behind her. Once inside, the INC comes awake, the room is mostly dark but enough light to see what is happening)


Beverly: (flips on another light and is greeted by an angry trumpet) Sorry to disturb you Bing Bong but we need to talk.

BB: (rises, her big elephant eyes clearly angry. She raises her trunk to trumpet but Beverly holds up a hand)

Beverly: Before you call in the troops. I think you should listen to me. (BB grumbles) I don't speak elephant, so this might be a little tricky.

BB: (takes a step toward her, Beverly holds still)

Beverly: (pulls out a file that is clearly marked Bing Bong) You're a brilliant animal Bing Bong, I'm sure you know what is in this folder.

BB: (seems to pause, but than her ears flap in annoyed fashion and she harumphs angrily)

Beverly: I'm sure you wouldn't want me to tell anyone about this. And I would hate too. So I think we can help each other..(as BB pokes the folder with her trunk Beverly opens it so she can see the contents)

BB: (scans it, her eyes twitch just a bit and she looks at Bev)

Beverly: That's what I thought. Look, you help me and I will help you.

BB: (trumpets again)

Beverly: I think you are asking me how I can help you. (Beverly flips a few pages in the folder and shows it to BB) You've been wanting this. I can get it here tomorrow. 

BB: (looks at her)

Beverly: LD will undestand. It will save him from having to kill Moose after Moose tries to stab you.

BB: (trumpets loudly)

Beverly: Shhh! Yeah you could probably squash us all. So what is going to be BB? Do we agree? 

BB: (is silent for a long time than nods)

Beverly: Thank you. (taking the device out of her pocket again she points it at the camera and everything goes dark)

(We hear some scrambling around and foot steps running)

Referee:  ONE.......TWO.....THREE! WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION - BEVERLY CAMBRIDGE!

(The lights come up and both BB's are on their feet)

Beverly: Thanks Bing Bong..oh I have something for you... (she roots in her bag again and pulls out two items)

BB: (watches)

Beverly: (reaching up she places a gorgeous sash around BB that declares her the Diamond Princess Champion, and than holds out a jewel studded scepter that BB takes with her trunk)

BB: (looks at the bag questioningly as trumpets softly)

Beverly: You are right, it is bigger on the inside. Thanks BB. You won't regret this. You can expect delivery early tomorrow. 

BB: (grumbles)

Beverly: If anything goes wrong you can do whatever you wish to me ok?

BB: (nods, than points her scepter towards the door)

Beverly: Yeah I better get going. See you around Champ!

(Beverly leaves as BB looks at her reflection in a mirror)

FADE

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Dre Gaines is sitting at his normal table inside the Destroyitarium drinking a beer when SFJ #77 approaches him ~~~

SFJ #77: Dre, you are facing some long odds in the Round Robin Series

Dre: Gurl, I knows dat. I's had long odds that I'd stay outta prison. Long odds that I'd not get shot dead on da streets. Long odds I'd make it outta the ghettos of Chi-town. Long odds I'd ever be a wrestler at all. Long odds I'd get picked up by the OOWF. Long odds I'd ever win a title, much less 7 times 'roun here.

So What are my chances going up against 2 Grand Slam winners & A Hall of Famer? 3 former World Champs? Wrestlers of the year and shit like that?. I'm just lil ol Dre Gaines. What can I do against them bitches? Imma tell yas. What I can do is whoop all dey pussy asses.

~~~ He Turns to the INC and gives his Big Smile ~~~

Dre: So O'l Moosie, Imma whip your sadistic punk ass come Wednesday. I's winning this series. I'm winning that Imperial and I's becoming The Baddest Mothafucka in the whole damn place. You wanna know how homie? Imma do it G-Style baBEEE!!

So What are my chances? Pretty. Damn. Good.

~~~ Chug. Belch. Laugh. Fade ~~~

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Chad Madison is sitting across the desk from the General Manager ~~~

Chad: So when is my rematch?

GMNC: Last night. You lost. Remember?

Chad: I seem to remember your boss getting involved.

GMNC: I seem to remember your shoulders on the mat.

Chad: So that's how this goes then? He gets match after match after match, never Once beating me. I get screwed out of my One rematch and that's it? Bullcrap.

GMNC: You are still a top contender. That's why I put you in the Ladder Match this week.

Chad: Oh great. I get a match to get the match I deserve in the first place. Really good decision making there.

GMNC: I am tired listening to you whine. I'm not here to make your life easy. I have 30 plus wrestlers on this roster, all looking for what they Think they have earned. I have to look out for the best interests of All of them, not just you. Now shut the hell up and leave my office.

~~~ Chad is silent for a moment. ~~~

Chad: I win, I get Tytan without any distractions, interference, nothing.

GMNC: That..... is a reasonable request. Steel Cage, or even better, Hell in a Cell. Yes, I like that idea.

Chad: Good. Tell Tytan to get ready. I am putting his useless carcass in the cell and taking My Championship back

~~~ Fade ~~~

[The Canadian Content]

*Nineteen-sixty-eight...I was twelve years old. A lot happened that year. Dennis McLain won thirty-one games..."The Mod Squad" hit the air...And I graduated from Hillcrest Elementary, and entered junior high school. But we'll get to that. There's no pretty way to put this...I grew up in the suburbs. I guess most people think of the suburbs as a place with all the disadvantages of the city, and none of the advantages of the country. And vice versa. But, in a way, those really were the wonder years for us there in the suburbs. It was kind of a golden age for kids...

Skurge: What the hell was that?

SYB: New Voiceover Guy.

Skurge: Yeah, I got that. Where'd you find him?

SYB: Remember City Slickers 2?

Skurge: The Legend of Curly's Gold? Who doesn't?

SYB: He was in that.

Skurge: Billy Crystal?

SYB: Nope.

Skurge: The reanimated corpse of Jack Palance?

SYB: Yes. The reanimated corpse of Jack Palance is our new Voiceover Guy.

Skurge: Awesome. I loved him in Batman.

SYB: No you didn't.

Skurge: No. I didn't.

SYB: Also, it's not really the reanimated corpse of Jack Palance.

Skurge: Shame. That would be kickass.

SYB: It suuure would. Shelve it for a later promo.

Skurge: Or you could...nah. Anyway. I'm oot of guesses.

SYB: Maybe another sample would help?

Skurge: Can't hurt.

*There are very few things in life as purely terrifying as calling a twelve-year-old girl on the telephone. Especially a really cute twelve-year-old girl...

Skurge: Poe?

SYB: Could be, but no. Maybe one more.

*Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day, you're in diapers; next day, you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place...a town...a house...like a lot of other houses; a yard like a lot of other yards; on a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is...after all these years, I still look back...with wonder...

Skurge: OH! It's the Wonder Years guy!

SYB: Whose name is?

Skurge: I honestly have no idea.

*And so it finally happened. My poor twelve-year-old heart finally crumbled into a little pile of dust, and blew away. It was over...

SYB: Daniel Stern.

Skurge: ...

SYB: The non-Pesci thief from Home Alone?

Skurge: Oh yeah? Neat.

SYB: So?

Skurge: He can hang oot for a bit.

*Cool! A job!

SYB: The pay is shit.

*Dammit. *FADE*

[DrMcAwesome]

*The scene joins SHIZURU-MUNE MANGYUNIKU as he is exiting JUNICHIRO MUYO’s executive chambers. The young Japanese star is red-faced and on the verge of tears when MAC FLASHER walks past*

MAC: “Sizzlechest? What’s the matter, man?”

SHIZURU-MUNE: “Ecosystem not happy. I fail Ecosystem.”

MF: “Oh, that little mess from last night with the chairs?”

*SHIZURU-MUNE nods*

MF: “I’m guessing that Beverly getting the DDT Ironman … Well, Ironspecies Heavy Metal championship now .. Back to The Awakening before you could didn’t please him either.”

*SHIZURU-MUNE nods again*

MF: “Yeah. I wanted to talk to you about that. I get that where you’re from, people may view Junichiro differently, but here … He’s kind of bad news. And watching how he’s treated you in the past couple of weeks, it’s pretty clear that he sees you as nothing but a court jester. He’ll never respect you the way you respect him.”

SM: “You are just hater. You don’t have what Ecosystem have.”

MF: “This isn’t about that, Sizzlechest. He’s only going to use you for his amusement and maybe to get something for him that he wants. But when you need his help, he won’t be around. OOWF is cruel like that. Junichiro isn’t the only one who will do that to you, but he’s the one doing that to you now.”

SM: “Ecosystem testing Sizzlechest.”

MF: “You may think that, but if he cared about you … Why isn’t he doing anything to stop this match with Agrius? I’ve been in the ring with him, it’s not a fun time. If you’re not careful on Wednesday, he will hurt you and end your OOWF career before it really begins.”

SM: “Agrius is lackey to Ecosystem.”

MF: “Yes. If that’s what you believe. I understand that Ecosystem is a big hero in your nation. I get that you want to please your hero and get in his good graces, but he’s only going to hurt you and he’s not really the best person to emulate. I mean, his sister is a much better candidate to emulate if you want to base your career of a Muyo.”

SM: “Mai is hater, too.”

MF: “Mai loves Junichiro more than anyone here. She’s the one who knows that there is good deep in his heart. You’ll never know that good from Junichiro, though.”

*SHIZURU-MUNE hesitates for a second before a thought hits him*

SM: “You try to break up Awakening. You are not friend of Sizzlechest!*

*SHIZURU-MUNE steps back and tries to hit the Dream Maker on MAC, before MAC ducks and restrains his newfound adversary*

MF: “This is not about that battle. It’s a battle to show you that you are better than what Junichiro will have you believe. It’s a battle …” *SHIZURU-MUNE chops MAC and gets in a striking stance*

SM: “You, Flasherman are no friend of SIzzlechest. Sizzlechest will get Awakening to teach you lesson.”

MF: “Whatever, man. Just don’t get yourself hurt. That’s my advice.”

*MAC walks away under the scowling glare of SHIZURU-MUNE as the scene fades*

[The Canadian Content]

Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again. Some you think about and wonder what ever happened to them. Some you wonder if they ever wonder what happened to you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do…

Skurge: …

SYB: What?

Skurge: What the fuck is this?

SYB: This is totally about you, chief.

Skurge: Huh?

SYB: The kid that shit his pants in school!

Skurge: Who.

SYB: I don’t know his name, I just know him as the kid that shit his pants.

Skurge: And I never saw him again.

SYB: Kinda like The Amnesiac.

Skurge: Yeah but he shit his pants for fun.

SYB: And money.

Skurge: And money.

SYB: Hey, new voiceover guy?

*Hi…

SYB: Can you get me Baba Booey’s autograph?

Skurge: That’s Howard Stern, you fucking idiot. This is DANIEL Stern.

SYB: Oh. Hey, new voiceover guy?

*Hi…

SYB: What was Mr. Miyagi like in real life?

Skurge: That’s Daniel-SAN, shitdick.

SYB: Oh.

Skurge: This is a new low, even for you. You fucking BROUGHT HIM IN and you already forgot.

SYB: I didn’t write it down.

Skurge: It’s times like these…

SYB: You learn to live again?

Skurge: I was going to say I miss Steve. Not to say Voiceover Tad, Bing Bong, and Wonder Years guy haven’t been fun.

SYB: They haven’t.

Skurge: We need to focus. We’re facing The O in a World Tag Team Title Match at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (Show 761), Monte Cristi, Dominican Republic, September 7, 2016.

SYB: We suuuuure are. Hey, Daniel Stern?

*Hi…

SYB: Did you know Fred Savage was my original wrestling name?

*No…

SYB: My catchphrase was “Oy yeah.”

Skurge: FADE! FUCKING FADE ALREADY!

*FADE*

[Jack Quinn]

<cut to the Nowhere Bar, Grille and PCPL Repository. It is completely dark, and soon enough we hear the voice over guy from the movies........

In a world where evil runs unchecked........

<we see video of Chloe and Edra injuring Justin, an attack on Bill that leaves him a bloody mess, and Zed being jumped>

......and evil lurks around every corner......

<footage of Tytan trying to kill Firewoman and Agrius decimating some jobbers>

......there are three men who will rise for those trampled under the foot of evil and bring a brand of justice that only they can dispense. This week at MidWeek Mayhem.......fasten your seatbelts, get your popcorn and porn ready, and buckle up, because Justin Sane.....

<Justin walks out, a huge cigar in his mouth (not lit of course, PCPL is VERY flammable) an eye patch across one eye and a bandolier of bullets around his waist>

......Awesome Bill From Dawsonville......

<Bill walks out, now with long flowing hair, wearing a bulletproof vest, carrying a sledgehammer on his shoulder>

.......and Zed.......

<Zed comes out fists taped, wearing a ninja outfit. Zed throws a few karate moves>

three men, one dream, three titles, one match, in five days, six people, one ring to rule them all.......who wrote this?

CUT!!!!!!!!!

<the lights come on and we see a clearly annoyed AA sitting in the directors chair. He storms over to the Movie Voice Over Guy>

AA: YOU ARE NOT being paid to give you're opinion!

MVOG: I AM NOT BEING PAID PERIOD!

AA: I PAID YOU THIS MORNING!

MVOG: THOSE WERE TIM HORTON'S COUPONS!

AA: SO?

MVOG: WE ARE TEN THOUSAND MILES FROM THE NEAREST TIM HORTONS!

<as they argue Ellie May From Ellijay walks in, AA sees her and tries to disappear>

EMFE: YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! Why do Justin, Bill and Zed look like a low rent version of the A-Team?

Zed: The Section 8 Team?

EMFE: <to Zed> shush. <back to AA> WELL?

AA: It's not what it looks like.....

EMFE: What it LOOKS like is another one of your stupid attempts at winning promo of the year by dressing the boys up in ridiculous outfits and parading them around like this is some kind of beauty pageant

AA: huh..........ok so it IS exactly what it looks like.....

EMFE: OUT!

AA: But.......

EMFE: OUT! Justin, Bill, Zed, come over here please

AA: <panicking a bit> LOOK! This was all THEIR idea! I didn't want anything to do with it!!!!

EMFE: <looking at Zed> Was this your idea?

Zed: a ninja never tells his secrets?

EMFE: Uh huh. <to Bill> Bill?

ABFD: Well, lookitchere, it was like this....I was drunk an.....

EMFE: Enough. <walking up to Justin> Justin.......look me in the eye.......was this your idea?

<Justin desperately tries to look away>

EMFE: JUSTIN!

JS: No.......this was all AA's idea

AA: LIAR!

EMFE: <spinning and facing AA> DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE call these boys a liar! Now, I have told you this before, pack up your stuff and get out of here. You. Are. Fired.

AA: FIRED?!?!? FIRE ME? I'M ALREADY FIRED! FIRE ME? I'M ALREADY FIRED!!! <AA strips down to his underwear, elbow drops his shirt and pants and blades, then gets up and stands there bleeding while Sting drops a mic from the ceiling>

Let me tell you people out there something! I am Attitude Adjuster, and I do what I want, when I want! WHOOOOOOO! I am a jet flying, limo riding, kiss stealing, wheeling dealing, son of a gun! And if you don't like THAT.......

<Ellie May shoves AA out of the way and grabs the mic>

EMFE: What you WILL do is what I TOLD you to do! We already have too many Voice Over Guys working, and the boys have a title match this week and I don't need YOU distracting them! And while we are talking about it, you flew here in the cargo hold next to Bing Bong, you showed up here in a LeCar, which I didn't think ANY country still had, your own mother wouldn't kiss you, and your wheeling and dealing has come to absolutely NOTHING. Now <poking AA in the chest> This is what's gonna happen, you are going to pick up your clothes, pack up your gear and walk out of here, or I am gonna stomp a mudhole in our sorry carcass and walk it dry, AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE CAUSE ELLIE MAY SAID SO!

<Ellie May flips AA the double bird and Arctic tosses her a couple beers, Ellie May pops the tops, slams them together and chugs most of them, then does the HHH water spit, getting it all over AA, who is pretty much apoplectic with rage at this point. AA looks like he is going to attack Ellie May when both Drunky and Drunkette mule kick AA, sending him out the door into the hall. Justin, Zed and Bill are all left standing there with their jaws hanging open, speechless. Ellie May turns to them>

EMFE: Any questions boys?

All three: No ma'am

<Ellie walks away, once she is out of ear shot we hear>

Zed: did I just see what I thought I saw?

ABFD: Son, I done seenified a lot, then Wakenbakening folks might oughta watch out for ol Ellie May!

Justin: woooooooooooooooow

<fade>

[kimmieg1231]

A new face is seen leaving GM Nate's office. Bag over her shoulder, packet of employment papers in her hand. She tosses her long, dark hair back, takes a deep breath and grins.

"Finally," she says aloud. To herself more than anyone else, since she is alone in the hall. "Look out OOWF, there is a new girl in town."


(The camera follows her as she travels the halls, taking in different things, peering into different events, before heading to find her assigned cabin)

[Matte]

Silent room, Rabbit Mask on a chair, hands folded...


RM: I'll be honest, as I always am. I've been in a bit of a rut, lately. Not really focused. Not really zoned in... You know, despite my climb through the ranks of the OOWF from the beginning to where I'm at now being a nine-year journey, the longest single run I've had with this company was less than a year-and-a-half. And there's a reason for that. I'm very susceptible to burnout. My star shines so bright that it's liable to go supernova and collapse into itself at any moment, which it has done multiple times now. But every time I return, my star only grows brighter. I do more, accomplish more in less time, which only speeds up the process of the expansion and eventual implosion.

My first run—November 2007 to October 2008—I won the Onslaught Championship four months after my debut, and the Campeonas de Trios only four months after that. My second run—November 2011 to April 2013—I won the Onslaught Championship for a second time, five months after my return, and added the Intercontinental Championship only three months later. My third run—May 2015 to now—I became Tag Team Champion only one month after my return, won Imperial Onslaught three months after that, and became World Champion only five months later, completing my Grand Slam and cementing myself as one of the greatest and most accomplished wrestlers this company has ever seen... And it only took me three-and-a-half years.

In fifty days, I set a new personal record. In fifty days, I surpass my previous longest run. In fifty days, I look to build towards my self-destruction. I look to grow brighter. I look to grow stronger. I look to create a reign of precious metals as I introduce the world to a new supernova and its forthcoming expulsion...


Fade.

[wld]

L.D. Williams and Bing-Bong are standing by the Four Things scoreboard.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Bing-Bong’s Four Things, brought to you by the Elephant Whisperer. Here are your hosts - the legendary L.D. Williams and his broadcast partner, the OOWF Diamond Princess Champion and the only member of the Four Things crew to be nominated for a year-end-

Bing-Bong trumpets

-TWO year-end awards... Bing-Bong!

LDW: I think you forgot humble, Tad.

VoT: She who signs the paychecks writes the intros.

Bing-Bong chuffs

LDW: Shall we get started?

One:

Mac Flasher is no Zed, but he’s close.

LDW: Hedging our bets, are we?

L.D ducks just in time to avoid being flattened by a trunk.

Two:

Seriously - Sizzlechest Manbeef?

LDW: …

B-B: …

LDW: Still got nuthin. Tad?

VOT: Not a chance.

LDW: Good call.

Three:

Ellie-Mae owns AA.

LDW: Damn right.

Four:

AM I GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT AN ELEPHANT?...soon, Moose. Very soon.

LDW: Why would-

Bing-Bong trumpets

LDW: If Moose loses to a teenage elephant...

B-B: …

LDW: If Moose becomes Diamond Princess Champion, I’ll…

B-B: …

LDW: I kinda win either way there, don’t I?

VOT: I think we all do.

LDW: Take us home, Tad.

VOT: Ladies and gentlemen, those were Bing! Bong’s! Four! Things!

<fade>

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman and Lucky are WALKING down a hallway.

L: I do believe this is the dumbest idea you have ever had, an that's saying a LOT.

FW: I told you to stay back at Chad's--

L: I thought I could talk you out of this.

FW: Since when has that ever worked.

They get to a door and share a look. Lucky puts his hand on her shoulder before he walks away.

L: Good luck.

Fire stands there a minute.

Camera angle switch and we see Alexander Darling, brooding as only he can. Suddenly he sits up.

AD: Lexie, can you get that?

LD: Get what?

There's a tentative knock on the door.

LD: How did you--

AD: Just let her in.

LD: Her? Did you order a friend?

Lexie opens the door to see Firewoman standing there.

LD: What the hell!!!!

AD: Leave us.

LD: But--

AD: *angrily* GO!

Lexie flinches at Alex's tone and then with a glare at Fire, storms out. Fire crosses to sit in the seat across from Alex, who only looks at her, hiding what he's thinking and feeling. This makes Fire incredibly nervous so she fidgets a bit.

FW: I ... uh.....I was talking to Poe and--

AD: I know....I saw.

FW: Oooooh......

AD: *batistalaugh* Finally takes your longest sometimes enemy to explain to you what you should have known all along.

FW: .........

AD: So, now what.

FW: You should have said--

AD: I shouldn't have HAD to.

FW: Alex, he's my brother. He's the only family I have--

AD: Yeah, not me. Not Lexie. The one who has ALWAYS tried to tell you what kind of person to be, and what you should do. Him.

FW: That's..look.....I'm....sorry.

AD: For?

FW: For not...um....when I was done being mad, I should have come back...not....but I get it....I'm sorry. I ... can see how it looks like I betrayed you, and then there was Lucas, and......

AD: .....

FW: .....

AD: ....

FW: So....I don't know where we go from here but.....I'm sorry I messed everything up.

AD: .....

FW: Okay, well....I guess....um, yeah, we can talk later.

Firewoman gets up and awkwardly heads for the door. She get to it to open in, when hand come from behind her to shut it. She turns around and sees a very angry Alex behind her. She presses her back against the door.

AD: Sit down.

FW: I ... uh ... think it's best if we maybe take a break and--

AD: *grabbing her shoulder* I. Said. Sit. Down.

Alex guides her mostly gently back to the chair she was sitting in and pushes her into it.

FW: Alex, I--

AD: Shut up. You had your say. ....... It's my turn now....

to be continued.....

[wyattcox]

(Edra comes out of the kitchen with a big bowl of popcorn. She plops down on the couch next to Beverly who is curiously watching OOWF-TV.)

Bev: So you saw...

Edra: I’m not missing this. I’ve been waiting on this for months.

Bev: Waiting?

Edra: Poor Lucas. His queen is nothing more than a drama queen.

Bev: Wait, you think...

Edra: Just watch. This is going to get good.

Bev: I don’t think it’s....

Edra: (Turning to Beverly and almost dropping the popcorn) You know something. You found out what happens...

Bev: Even if I did you know that can all be changed.

Edra: (frowning) That’s OK, I sholdn’t rely on spoilers. Come on, let’s watch...

(Edra and Bev turn back to OOWF-TV -- Edra a lot more interested than Bev -- as the scene fades....)

[fasteddiek]

(Tytan is seen sitting  outside in a chair on one of the decks of the ship. HIS World Title sits across his lap.)

Tytan: So it begins. Nate sends his Chosen to try to eliminate the man that killed the Status Quo. The man that turned everything that was comfortable in the OOWF and changed the rules. You realize Nate you can send your Chosen out to defeat me to try to destroy what I have done but the thing is I ALREADY ONE. I proved my point I proved my Cause and now you will have to pretty much kill me to take this title from me.

So now this week you want to send Stank out to claim what I stole from the Chosen.

I beat your Sorceress

I beat your White Knight.

So now you want to send Ogre out to get me.

Oh wait I got that wrong. The Ogre is Moose.

Stank is the Satyr.

(Tytan laughs at his own joke.)

But you know when it comes down to it. It doesn't matter Stank, you are not going to get this title from me. You have no intentions of killing me because you know it and the rest of the OOWF knows it you need me. I am the villian, I am the dark to all of your light because even though none of you want to admit it. The Saints are a bunch of good guys now.  You are not the bad asses that you all once claimed to be. You have romances, LD is going to start thinking about what's going to happen when the next generation of his family name comes around.

And then there is Moose. The man who claims to be the baddest toughest son of a bitch on the planet. 

You stabbed Mac Flasher and you are still getting cheered.

That just shows how stupid the fans are and how protected Nate's Chosen are.
You should have been jailed for that.

But instead you are cheered.

I am the one that saved this company.
I am the one that gave the OOWF it's Awakening
and I get booed.
I have brought honor back to this title I took it away from the Chosen.
I showed the rest of the OOWF that they don't have to held down by not being part of Nate's protected.
So tell me Nate.
When they all fail who are you going to send to end me. 
LD Williams,
Poe.

You don't understand.
I did what I said I was going to do.
I proved you wrong and now you can't handle that 
so now you are sending the army after me. 

The Awakening waits for the attack.
We fear no one.
We are a family 
WE are strong.

We are ready to die for what we believe in.
What about you?
Welcome to the Age of the Awakening 
All the Heroes are dead 
and no one will save you.

(FADE)

[fasteddiek]

(Agrius looks over the line up as he is doing his latest photo shoot for some new cologne.)

Agrius: Who in the hell is Shizuru-Mune Mangyuniku? Does he understand that it really doesn't matter how many names he wants to put in his name I am still going to turn him into a contraction.  Why a contraction you ask? Simple. When I beat him and take parts of him and toss them all around the ring. I am going to make his career so short he is going to wish he was back at the training center.

And remember when you need to be ready for a night out....always wear Presumptuous and become the man you were meant to be.

(Hold out the body and sprays the air.)

FADE

[DevSop]

*Darling Castle*

Alexander is pacing back and forth in front of Fire as she sits on the couch and it seems like this has been going on for a moment or two. It looks like nothing has been said as of yet and Firewoman is starting to look a little impatient but for the time being isn't bringing it up. Alex stops a few times and takes a long look at Fire but still says nothing. After this happens for the third time, Fire starts to speak...

Fire: Look, if you're not going...

Alex sighs and shakes his head

Alex: Do you know how utterly blind you have to be to not have realized what was going on?

Fire: You knew I wasn't good at this stuff. Why would you...

Alex: Because as much as you like to play it up sometimes, you're not a complete fucking idiot. Void of common sense sometimes, sure. But you're not an idiot.

Fire: What did you want me to do? Cut them out of my life.

Alex: Ideally yes. They were more than willing to cut me out of your life. But no Lisa. I wanted you to fucking realize what the issue was.

Fire: You could have just told me.

Alex: I could have and what would have changed, honestly?

Fire: This. Us. I don't know.

Alex: You know what, it doesn't matter.

Fire: Of course it matters. No matter what else happens in either of our lives...THIS. THIS has always mattered.

Alex: Don't even. If THIS had ever truly mattered, then just fucking once you would have realized that there were two people involved in THIS.

Fire: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Alex: It means that for everything else that is fucked up right now and I can't believe I'm going to admit this, Lucas is right.

Fire: About what?

Alex: About not letting you always get away with your damn bullshit. Look at little Firewoman, the poor victim who when the mood suits her is willing to manipulate everyone around her to get her way. And what do I do...EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME; I let you get away with it.

Fire: Not every time. You sent me to the one place...

Alex: Oh shut the fuck up about that already. That had nothing to do with me. That was about saving you. Because after you used everyone around you to get what you thought you wanted, it still wasn't enough and for the second time in my life, I thought you were going to walk right into death and maybe it is my fault and I should have just let you. But no...I do the fucking right thing, AGAIN, and you continue to hold it against ME. And only ME when I recall I wasn't the only one involved in that. But god forbid you ever truly fucking look at your brother and realize how meaningless blood is.

Fire: Just because you have made this declaration that blood doesn't define family...

Alex: You're damn fucking right it doesn't. Actions define family. And time after time after time after time...our actions should have shown you who your family was. But time after time after time, you chose him. Jack chooses Eco after Eco does whatever he does with you and puts you as part of his Trinity and you let it go. Jack chooses Chloe after what happened between you and you let it go.

Fire: I've seen the show Alex. I know you and Juni..

Alex: You know nothing Lisa Darling. I have never stood side by side Ecosystem in that ring and called him partner. Your brother has. I have never stood side by side with Chloe and called her ally. Your brother has. The only enemy of yours I have ever stood side by side with is someone you no longer consider enemy. But at the end of the day, I never made you choose. I accepted that you were blind where your brother was concerned and I accepted it. So let's get back on track...I save your life for maybe the 3rd or 4th time by putting you in the one place I said I never would and I accepted it may have fractured our relationship beyond repair. I accepted that but I still hoped you would fucking get it into your head that we fit together. And then you come back and you make this stand that you need to stand on your own two fucking feet. And while part of me broke that I knew that fracture might not ever get fixed, at least you seemingly realized that you didn't need anyone. But that's not what happened is it? No it fucking didn't. It wasn't but just days later that there you are having coffee with your brother. Running with Stank. Getting drinks with LD.

Fire: I can't have friends?

Alex: You can have all the fucking friends you want. And here comes the victimization. I never once fucking told you what you could or could not do. But you have a god damn brain and if you don't see the issue with being friends with people who have, on multiple occasions, literally tried to kill me then I don't know what to fucking tell you.

Fire: Well, that wouldn't leave me with a lot of options. You do have a tendency to piss people off.

Alex: Jealousy leads to anger. But that's besides the point.

Fire: And what is the point? Making me feel like shit? Well done then, job accomplished.

Alex: No Fire. My point isn't to make you feel like shit though if you feel that way maybe there's a reason. My point is twofold. First, no matter what else happens in our lives, you will always be my wife and whether or not you accept that and move on, doesn't matter what fucking iota to me. I'm not signing a damn piece of paper because it would make you and Lucas feel better about what you're doing. I don't care how either of you feel anymore. And two, I'm done making you think there's a choice. There is none. You do what you want with the rest of your life and I'll do what I want because the truth is I can no longer care about you since it's been clear that your level of caring will never match mine. So, be with who you want; do what you do...just accept that from today and every day forward, you will do it as a Darling and that will not change. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go train to break two of the best wrestlers in this company since both haven't realized a simple thing. I am still Alexander Darling and whatever else is going on in my life, I am the Brat Prince and it's time everyone starts bending the knee to their future leader once again.

Alex turns his back on Fire as it looks like she's about to continue the argument/discussion and he reaches for the door as we...

*Fade*


TBC...maybe?

[L!zz~]

( As Edra squeals, and oohs and gasps during the Alex/Fire confrontation, Beverly tends to some paperwork)

Edra: (glances over as Bev selects a file, she reaches for the remote and hits pause) Hey, wait a minute.

Bev: (looks up) What?

Edra: You already have a file on the new girl? There is quite a bit in there.

Bev: This surprises you.

Edra: I'm surprised you started one already. (pauses) You had it before she debuted didn't you.

Bev: (smiles, shrugs)

Edra: Which of your sources..

Bev: I just keep my ear to the ground.

Edra: Playing in the shadows again?

Bev: A girl has to keep busy...

Edra: (laughs and turns back to the tv) Anything good in there?

Bev: (just laughs and goes back to work while Edra get's absorbed into the tv again)

[wld]

SFJ#47 is with Miranda Williams in front of an OOWF banner.

SFJ#47: Miranda, this week you face your fiance, Tommy Wilder.

MW: Yep.

SFJ#47: …

MW: …

SFJ#47: Nothing more to add?

MW: What do you want me to say? He’s the love of my life. He also lied to me for weeks about that mess with my father. It’s hard to fight someone you care so much about, but we’ve done this before. It’s our job. Add all of that up and you get…

SFJ#47: You’ll hit him so hard you’ll hit him very hard?

MW: Pretty much...Well, maybe a little harder.

SFJ#47: For lying or for siding with L.D.?

MW: Both.

<fade>

[wld]

Meanwhile, L.D. Williams is in the Saints’ locker room when 13 enters.

13: You should promo.

LDW: I did. 4 things went up days ago.

13: I meant about your title match with Ecosystem.

LDW: <scoffs> Like there’s going to be one.

13: Agrius?

LDW: Probably.

13: I’ve been meaning to ask, Why are you the calm one about the Awakening?

LDW: It’s Eco. If anyone deserves to play tyrant for a while, it’s him.

13: I think Tytan’s supposed to be the one in charge.

LDW: Sub-tyrant, then.

13: Really? That’s it? Just let them take over?

LDW: That’s the same mistake they keep making. I don’t have to do anything. They’ll come to me. Bottom line, I am the OOWF. They don’t like it, they’ll deny it, but if they want to remake the OOWF in Eco’s image, or Tytan’s image, or free it from the old guard, or whatever other junk they’re spouting, that road goes through me. Wednesday, whoever I face, is only the beginning.

<fade>

[Chris Eco]

Mai Muyo enters into a confessional closing the door behind her. The priest is behind a screen.

Mai: So Ravyn tells me they got a priest just for me and a couple crew members on this trip . . . I hope you don’t mind traveling with us.

Priest: Not at all. Rest assured, I know nothing about any of you, so you should confess freely.

Mai: Bless me father, for I have sinned . . . it’s been about a week since my last confession, but I’d like to confess three instances of anger in the past week – one time just being unkind and bitter over the phone to my mom in an argument . . . and twice to ring crew and office staff about really petty things with my paycheck or my entrance, just completely unjustified. So I want to bring this before you and the Lord for forgiveness.

Pause.

Priest: Do you think that you’ve been feeling angrier because of anything in particular? I know it can be hard to pinpoint –

Mai: No, it’s not hard at all. I’m a wrestler, father, a professional wrestler, I wrestle in a tag team, and we lost our championships this week, and I’ve just been so FRUSTRATED –

Priest: Well, yes, losing is a difficult part of any athlete’s career –

Mai: But I just feel like, like I don’t know how to be a champion, and I’m messing it up for my partner!

Priest: What do you mean?

Mai: Like, last week, I went to confession for being too vicious. Like, I intentionally struck someone with a really violent knee, and was using it to make a point to her husband. This week, I tired to play a nice mat wrestling game with the same team, and we lost the titles.

Priest: That first instance – was the husband watching as a fan?

Mai: No, he was the partner, but I still  –

Priest: (pointedly) Then it doesn’t sound like you did anything at all wrong that time.

Mai: I mean, they might even have been fine with it, but still, I do have to be sportsmanlike in some way –

Priest: No, I don’t think so. I think you might have adopted some notions that you need to put aside. The moral obligations we have, they change when we play games. Are you familiar with the game Mafia?

Mai: Yes, Father.

Priest: Well, you have to lie during that, or else it won’t go anywhere, right? And there’s nothing sinful or immoral about that.

Mai: Of course.

Priest: It seems to me that wrestling, of the little I’ve seen, is quite different than boxing. There are elements like taunting, mocking, cheapshotting, perhaps even cheating, that are encouraged or at least seen as a fair part of the game in a way they’re not in other athletic endeavors.

Mai: Well, some of us are not fans of cheating.

Priest: But many successful wrestlers do? Or do I misunderstand?

Mai: No, they do. It’s just not . . . I want to be a good example, you know?

Priest: You should behave in accordance with your conscience, of course. But I want you to rest assured, in your heart of hearts, that if you feel the need to choose differently – to be vicious, to bend the rules, to taunt and mock – those are choices permitted within the game, for advantage within the game, and God will not judge you for that, any more than he would judge a boxer for punching or a Mafia player for lying. Understood?

Mai: . . . Understood.

Priest: Good. For your penance, I ask you to reflect on a funny visual. I want you to say a Our Father, and then I want you to reflect on how any human saint – perhaps Saint Teresa, canonized today – might play the game of Mafia. A very holy person in the same role as you. Do you understand?

Mai: Yes father.

Priest: Please say the Act of Contrition.

Mai: O my God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against You, whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend with all my heart to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid anything that might lead me to sin. Amen.

Priest: May our Lord Jesus Christ absolve you; and by His authority I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, + and of the Holy Spirit. Go in peace.

Mai: Thank you Father.

Priest: One last thing, before you go – I’d like to give you my cell number, if you’re comfortable. You can of course go to any priest for guidance or confession, but I imagine some priests might lead you to feel guilt for your profession that is inappropriate. So I’m happy to field questions if you like.

Mai: Sure, what is it?

The priest gives Mai his number. Following this, Mai exits the confessional and the camera initially follows her out, but stops and lingers on the confessional. After a brief pause, BRICK~! steps out of the priest’s chamber, playing with his burner flip phone.

BRICK~!: (singing to himself) “A monster, a monster, I've turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster, And it keeps getting stronger.”

FADE

[snelson66]

FADE in on the Cayman Islands. Sitting at a table on a beautiful Spanish style home’s porch is Nick Fleming. He’s dressed stylishly as usual and addresses the nearby ninja-cam.

“Now some of you may be wondering why I’m here and not in the Dominican Republic with the rest of the OOWF roster. First, I haven’t actually signed a contract. Nate’s been telling me that the OOWF Board of Directors insists I sign a rookie contract. That’s ludicrous. I’ve been wrestling all over the world and am a star of the first magnitude. I’m an extraordinary talent. The best the OOWF has ever seen.

“Second, I wouldn’t stoop to place myself in a grubby, flea-bitten, backwater landfill like Monte Christi. So I’m checking some of my accounts here in the Cayman Islands and enjoying the Caribbean weather. I heartily encourage all of you so-called fans of the OOWF to email, tweet and Facebook message your General Manager to get off his posterior, put down the flask and get my contract done.

“Now I don’t follow the OOWF. I don’t know who all these people are, but I’ve been asked by some fans to give my opinion on them. Now, I know my opinion carries weight so I’ll deign to provide some of my thoughts.

“Let’s see, who’s first on the list. You know, it doesn’t matter who’s on the list. They’re not as good as I am. And I don’t mean that in wrestling skills alone. There are wrestlers on that roster who’s skills come close to mine. But they all have one problem. Which I do not and that makes me better.

“They’re easily distracted. Their perceived slights by other wrestlers. How they can control this person or that. How they feel they’re being controlled. They worry about their relationships. Or schmoozing some female mic-stand. Or trying to run the company. It's all contemptible.

“The only thing that matters is what happens inside those ropes. The merchandise, the accolades, the fame. Those shouldn’t be the first thing on your mind when you step in that ring. The only thing that should matter is beating your opponent. By any means necessary. Everything else will follow.

“There’s a disease running rampant inside the OOWF. I’m the cure. I’m the best there is at what I do. And as soon as Nate gets off his ass, I’ll show you. The OOWF is going to get a wake-up call. And they’re not going to like it.”

Fleming opens up the financial section of his newspaper as we FADE.