[DrMcAwesome]

OOWF Saturday Slam –  Oct. 21, 2023
LIVE! from Detroit, Michigan

• OOWF World Championship: Lexie Darling (c) vs. Nuke

• OOWF Intercontinental Championship: Angie Delpetro (c) vs. Justin Sane

• OOWF World Tag Team Championship: Zed and Sean Franklin (c) vs. The Electric Company

• Bridget O’Malley and The One-Notes vs. Annie Horvath, Ona Jones and Rory Thomas

• Awesome Bill from Dawsonville vs. Pete Quick

• WAR PIGS vs. Legion (Liam and Nigel)

• Alexander Darling vs. Kylie Mignolio

• Sandra Fallon and El Scorcho vs. The Battling Baristas

• Beverly Cambridge vs. Lindsay McAllister

Card subject to the Lions actually being good … Wait … They are? For real? Well, OK! The card is still happening

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is back in the offices talking to Shiz.

FW: Why didn't you enter instead?

SMM-C: We've been over this.

FW: Sure we have, but I gotta tell you as much as I like to give new talent a break, I'm not exactly down with one winning a title shot right off the bat.

SMM-C: You also don't like management having angles, remember?

FW: What angle? You enter, do a couple of moves, maybe some double-team spots with Jeff, the crowd pops huge....

SMM-C: Well, I guess we'll just see. I've got the temporary contract here, I was just about to--

FW: Well, why don't you let Lucky do that. It's been a long night.

Fire takes the papers from him. Shiz sighs a bit.

SMM-C: Yeah, you're right...Okay, good night, Fire.

FW: Night....

Shiz leaves as Fire puts the papers in a folder on her desk. She looks up to her own HDB above the desk, and grabs it.

She moves down the hallway and makes her way to Quick's Castle. She starts to kick the door in, but instead takes a deep, cleansing breath.

FW: Hm... that DOES feel like the rage is subsiding. Huh.

Fire knocks, but there is no answer. THEN she kicks the door in.

No one appears to be around. She starts to look around for something. She leaves the main room and goes into a couple of other rooms the INC doesn't follow. While she's in one, Pete, Liam, Nigel, and Angie sneak in from the hallway, Pete brandishing Moose's HDB. Fire comes out of the last room...and stops short when she sees the four them standing between her and the only exit.

PQ: Well, well, look who it is, violating our privacy.

Angie: What gives you the right to snoop around our private quarters?

FW: Uh, being GM. I came for that.

Fire uses her HDB to point to the HDB Pete carries.

PQ: Sorry, Fire, but this doesn't belong to you. It belongs to your brother, who I imagine is still seeing stars.

FW: Pete....we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.

PQ: Oh it's most definitely going to be the hard way. Now, in your prime, four-on-one would have definitely been easy for you to handle, but now? I don't think so, Lisa--

FW: You know...you've been pushing some very dangerous buttons every since you got here. At some point, you're going to hit the right combination. For now, I will thank you to give me Moose's property, and you'll all still have jobs tomorrow.

PQ: Counter-offer. I will give you Happy Deth Bat, if you can make it to the door.

Fire readies herself to give it a go as Liam and Nigel start to advance. They are however interrupted by Lucky coming in.

L: Oh there you are! I've been looking for-- Ah great!

Lucky takes Happy Deth Bat from a stunned Pete before he can react.

L: Thanks for grabbing that from the arena, Pete...I'll be sure to get that back to Jack. You ready, Fire?

Fire is a combination on annoyed, but also amused. She walks between Liam and Nigel and to the door.

FW: See you in Detroit, folks.

As Fire and Lucky walk down the hall:

FW: You know I could have--

L: Yes, I know.

FW: ... but thanks.

L: He's going to use this to talk about how soft you are, having your valet bail you out.

FW: I am COUNTING on it.

FAAAAAAAAADE

[Jack Quinn]

<back in Asheville, we see Jack and Kali sitting in one of the OOWF Medical Suites. The door opens and the Doctor, Fire, Lucky and another man in a suit walk in. Fire can barely look Jack in the eyes so Lucky speaks>

L: Jack, this is Richard Dayton from the Federal Wrestling Commission.....

<Mr. Dayton reaches out and shakes Jack's hand, Jack eyes him warily>

RD: <sighing> Mr. Quinn......I am very sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but......after conferring with the doctor, and reviewing your medical history.....I am sorry to say we are going to have to temporarily revoke your wrestling license.

J: What?

RD: I am afraid that from this point forward, you will be ineligible to participate in any sanctioned wrestling event in the United States, Canada, Mexico and most other countries governed by this board.

J: This is crazy! Lucky......

L: <looking down> I'm sorry Jack

J: Fire?

F: <looking sadly at Jack> They were going to do the same to me. I'm sorry Jackie

<Fire hugs Jack and everyone other than Kali leaves. The two sit in silence for a moment>

J: This is how it ends?

K: It's not permanent Jackie. It's only until you get better

J: And if I don't? Quick retired me

K: You will.

<Jack sits for a moment, then gets to his feet and takes Kali by the hand and they walk to the Dojo where we see Katie and PORK watching tape>

J: PORK, I need to ask you a favor

P: Of course Sensei

J: I need you to take over the training for a bit

P: But I......

J: You're more than capable. If it gets to be more than you can handle, hire an assistant, Kali will be here to handle that part of things.

KB: ......where will you be?

J: They pulled my license. I'm going home.

<Kali comes out with Jack's bag and the two of them nod to a stunned PORK and Katie and leave. The camera follows them to the garage where they get into the mustang and roar off into the Asheville afternoon and we fade>

[Zed]

We "flash back" to the backstage area following Saturday Slam at Johnstown, Pennsylvania. A seated Sean Franklin is unwrapping tape and Rev. BRICK~! stands against a wall as Zed walks in. Zed briefly stands beside Sean.

Z: You did everything you could, kid. Don't hang your head. Your time is coming.

Sean nods, not in much mood for chatter but acknowledging Zed's words. Zed walks across the room and stands face-to-face with Rev. BRICK~!.

Z: Just out of curiosity, Reverend ... how familiar are you with the Book of Proverbs?

Rev. BRICK~!'s eyes widen.

B~!: Are you starting to see the light, my son?

Z: Ill-gotten treasures have no lasting value; but righteousness delivers from death.

Rev. BRICK~!'s eyes narrow in reaction, and he starts to look at his feet.

Z: Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out ... When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever ... 

Zed stops.

Z: Look me in the eye, BRICK~!.

Rev. BRICK~! looks up.

Z: The way of the Lord is a refuge for the blameless, but it is the ruin of those who do evil.

Rev. BRICK~! nods silently.

Z: Give me the brass knuckles.

B~!: Zed - 

Z: This is not a negotiation. I leave with the knucks or my next stop is Fire's office to vacate one half of the Tag Team Championships. Your call.

Now Sean is rising to his feet and walking up behind Zed.

SF: We don't need to do anything rash, Zed.

Z: I agree, Sean. Which is why BRICK~! can just give me the brass knuckles and we can move forward.

Rev. BRICK~! turns around, reaches into a bag and produces the brass knuckles, looking at them before handing them to Zed.

Z: Thank you. Have a good night, gentlemen.

Zed turns around and walks out, shoving the knuckles into his own bag as we FADE.

[Jack Quinn]

<we cut to the OOWF Arena for Monday Night Massacre. The lights go out, and spooky funeral music starts to play>

Russ: What the hell? That sounds like....
Razz: If it's not him, we're gonna get a cease and desist for gimmick infringement

<A procession heads to the ring, carrying a coffin. The hooded figures slide the casket into the ring and set it on a table. Three figures dressed in black, stand around the casket. The music stops and a spotlight shines on the casket, The man with the microphone throws back his hood and we see.......Pete Quick, Angie Delpetro, Nigel and Liam quickly follow suit>

Russ: Oh for the love of all that is.....THIS MAN IS REPULSIVE!
Razz: This is not......

Q: Ladies and Gentlemen <deafening boos> we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of the greatest fraud this industry has ever seen.

<nuclear heat>

Q: Boo me all you want. I did what they said couldn't be done. I've done what many before me tried to do. Concrete TG, Davin Moreland, Stank, LD Williams, Poe, Alexis Darling......even you, Alexander Darling, all of you tried to rid the wrestling world of Moosehead Jack. And all of you failed.

<More boos>

Q: Today we are gathered here today to remember a man who should be in prison. A man whose career should be erased from the history books! A man so devoid of any redeeming qualities that I eagerly await the day he fills this casket and his useless body is dumped in the ground, so I can SPIT on his grave!

<Firewoman's music plays and she comes out to the top of the ramp and looks like she would very much like to murder Quick>

Q: Well, well, well. If it isn't Jackie's little sister here to <mimicking Fire> stop the bad man from saying mean things about my big brother Save it, toots, you're just as bad as he is!

<Fire is about to head to the ring when Katie storms past her, no music, nothing. Katie steps between the ropes>

Q: Oh, you got something to say.....

<with that, Katie connects with a left to Quick's nose, a punch that does not look pulled at all. Quick drops and we quickly see blood pouring from his nose. Nigel charges at Katie and she catches him and hits an AA on the casket, sending it and him to the mat. Liam grabs Katie and spins her around, she catches him with a headbutt to the face that sends him staggering. Katie grabs him and lands a few punches to the face when Angie chop blocks her from behind. Katie goes down, Quick is on his feet and LIVID. He wipes the blood from his face and winces in pain. He yells for Liam and Nigel to hold Katie and he pulls his glove from his pocket and puts it on. Before he can do anything PORK hits the ring with a chair. He slams Quick across the back, then cracks Nigel upside the head, sending him staggering, freeing Katie, who turns and grabs Liam and gives him an overhead belly to belly suplex that sends him crashing onto the casket. PORK clotheslines Nigel over the top rope, while Katie hits Katie with a back fist to the side of the head that sends her out of the ring. War Pigs have Quick cornered, but Nigel and Liam pull him out of the ring and they flee to the back as we fade>

[Fire-Babe]

Later....

We join Fire, Lucas, Jack, and Kali mid-discussion at Jack and Kali's home in Bryson City.

FW: I can't believe you...

MHJ: Fire, it makes no sense. Besides, you were there, Pete had a whole funeral. It'd be rude to appear after that.

Jack smirks a bit, which makes Kali and Lucas laugh a bit. Fire does not.

FW: It's not funny, Jackie.

MHJ: Fire, look... I'm done.

FW: For now!

MHJ: Maybe forever. I hope not, but if it is, well, I've made my peace with it.

FW: Jackie....

Fire's voice gets lower, almost at whisper.

FW: ...please don't make me go back there by myself.

As if on cue, Lucas and Kali share a look and head to a different room.

MHJ: Fire...

FW: No, Jackie, I'm ... I'm better. I know I'm better. I just...

MHJ: ....

FW: .... please....

MHJ: Please? Well, then.... Since this is yet another miracle...

FW: Stop making fun.

MHJ: ... how can I refuse. Okay... I'll go.

Fire sighs with visible relief.

MHJ: Just keep Quick away from me, I don't know if I'll be able to follow doctor's orders.

FW: Oh, don't worry. I am more than willing to take care of Quick.  If Katie doesn't beat me to it.

MHJ: Besides, I need to spend some quality time with my nephew.

FW: Oh, there is no way in hell I'm taking him there.

MHJ: .....I think you should. He needs to know.

FW: He's four.

MHJ: How old were we?

FW: Let's just take a step back and recognize what effect that had on us.

MHJ: I don't mean EVERYTHING. He needs to know where comes from.

FW: Remind me to give you parenting advice when ... oh wait.

MHJ: C'mon, Fire, you know how it works with Irish shit.  I'll go if Patrick goes.

FW: ....

MHJ: ...

FW: ....Fine.

MHJ: Thank you.

FADE

[Zed]

Zed is sitting on a couch at The Compound when Beverly Cambridge walks in. Zed has his eyes closed, but he's clearly awake. Occasionally, his arm moves or his hand gestures, as if he is deep in thought. Beverly watches this play out for a few seconds before speaking up.

BC: That's a lot of thinking you're doing over there.

Zed opens his eyes and glances at her with a smirk.

Z: You don't want to know what I'm thinking about.

BC: Oh?

Z: You're not going to like it at all.

Beverly sits down beside him.

BC: So it's a bad idea?

Z: It's a terrible idea. 

BC: If it's a terrible idea, why do you look so excited about it?

Z: Because I think it'd be a lot of fun.

BC: You think a terrible idea is fun? You usually avoid terrible ideas like a loathsome disease.

Z: Yeah, but this terrible idea is different. Well, I also don't think it's a terrible idea. But you will absolutely think it's a terrible idea.

BC: I don't know. We usually see eye-to-eye on a lot of stuff. This might not be so different.

Z: I think it's going to be pretty different.

BC: Alright, well, you've piqued my curiosity. *leaning in* What's this terrible idea you have?

Z: Oh, I don't think I can say. You'll be very upset. Besides, the cameras are watching.

BC: Yes, because that's clearly stopped bad ideas from happening before.

Z: You're going to make me say it, aren't you?

BC: That's the plan.

Zed takes a deep breath, then leans in to whisper in Beverly's ear. She pulls back with a look of horror on her face.

BC: What is the matter with you?!?!

Z: I SAID YOU'D THINK IT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA!

BC: Why did you think that was a good idea?!?!

Z: Look, up until the whole "losing the match" part I really enjoyed being a pseudo-manager for Sean last week! And I can't wrestle forever! And she wants to wrestle! It'll be a few years before she's even old enough, that gives me plenty of time to get this out of my system and then I move on!

BC: Can we make sure she passes her schoolwork first?!

Z: Sure! Obviously that's most important. But she can't go to school forever ...

BC: I can't believe you're encouraging this.

Z: Not yet! But also you should believe it, because I'm her favorite Tio! It's basically my job to be the bad influence. It'd be a disservice otherwise.

Beverly stands up, shaking her head as she walks away.

Z: I said you wouldn't like it! I tried to warn you!

BC: You're the worst!

Z: You don't mean it! You love me!

A door slams down the hallway.

Z: You love meeeeeeee!

[Jack Quinn]

<we cut to an office high in one of Asheville's skyscrapers (or, what passes for skyscrapers here) with breathtaking views of the turning colors. We see Pete Quick sitting with his feet on a desk smoking a cigar, while Angie Delpetro stands behind him and she is flanked by Nigel and Liam. Quick exhales a cloud of smoke and laughs>

PQ: In time I expect the rest of the OOWF will get around to showing their appreciation for what I've done, finally ridding the wrestling world of that menace Moosehead Jack, but until then, I will have to make due with teaching that ungrateful hillbilly Awesome Bill From Dawsonville a lesson. We are not to be fooled with.

AD: It is about time someone takes control of the OOWF, and we are just the people to do it. I've started by taking the Intercontinental title from that simp Bill. This week, Liam and Nigel will end War Pigs once and for all, and then they will take the tag team titles.

PQ: Ahh yes, Katie Bardoor. The feisty little minx with the temper of a badger. <Pete reaches into a drawer and pulls out a folder and drops it on his desk> Remember Ms. Bardoor......there are things about your past that you may want to keep there. <Quick takes his feet down off the desk and looks directly into the camera> Keep testing me little girl, and that past WILL come back to haunt you.

<Quick puts his feet back on the desk and takes a puff of his cigar and looks like he is reminiscing>

And you, PORK. Tsk tsk. This was your last chance. Your last opportunity to turn two bad knees and a lifetime of underachieving into a career, and you cast your lot with that miscreant Jack Quinn. He has already given up on you. Both of you. He tucked his tail between his legs and ran away to spend his days being wheeled out into the sun, spoon fed by Kali while his mind struggles to remember his own name. PORK, he has already tried to turn you into a trainer, he knows you're a failure.

AD: And when the time is right, Mr. Quick will relieve Alexis Darling - or whomever else may have it - of the OOWF World Heavyweight title.

PQ: Now, some of you may see this and think it's just big talk. What we have just said here tonight is statement of fact. The OOWF is on notice as of right now. The Kingmaker will soon reign over his kingdom.

<Quick relights his cigar>

As an old friend of mine used to say

<Quick exhales a cloud of smoke>

Trust me.

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene and INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA find BRIDGET O’MALLEY at a doorway as CHILDREN in various Halloween costumes are making the rounds for trick-or-treating*

BRIDGET *deadpanning*: “Ooooh. A scary ghost and a witch. You kids have such great ideas. Oh, I see a vampire, too. You guys are just pulling out all of the stops. Almost as original as Mac Flasher’s Halloween costume, but it’s OK because I’ll expose him and pull off that mask once we’re in the ring all while reclaiming MY RIGHTFUL WIN FROM IMPERIAL ONSLAUGHT.”

*BRIDGET passively hands the candy bowl to the lead CHILD, dressed as a werewolf, who dumps all of the contents in his bag before the group scurries off*

BO’M *closing the door behind her*: “Hopefully that’s the last of them.”

*the doorbell rings*

BO’M: “And it seems that I’m out of candy. Oh darn.”

*BRIDGET opens the door to discover CARRIE and HARPER, THE ONE-NOTES, dressed as THE ONE-NOTES*

BO’M: “Oh … Going as yourselves. How meta.”

CARRIE: “We’re not trick-or-treating, but we wanted to talk to our new best friend.”

BO’M: “New best friend?”

HARPER: “Well, we’ve noticed a recent change of attitude in you, and we have to say that we’re impressed.”

C: “Very well done with that cardboard standup of Mac. Exceptional acting throughout.”

BO’M: “Well, it was a long walk to get to my goal, but it did result in Mac getting kicked to the broadcast table for four shows … Or it should have.”

C: “Hey. You help us reach the next level and we’ll help you get that mask off of Flasher and that title match in your name. You may not like or respect us, but we know talent when we see it and we know that it was you carrying The Frenemies. We know that it was Mac finding a way to keep you held down what should already be a hall-of-fame career. Bridget, you’re a star already. We’re already stars. Together, we can be a supergroup that will not be matched by anyone in OOWF.”

BO’M *nodding in self-affirmation*: “I was held back by Mac. I was the best half of The Frenemies. I like what I’m hearing. Sounds like …”

H: “Music to your ears?”

BO’M: “Yeah. That. I was just going to say ‘a great idea,’ but your answer also works”

C: “We’ll work on the catchphrase later.”

*KAYFABE, dressed as herself, walks past the sightline of the INC as the scene fades*

[Jack Quinn]

<cut to the Shokan Dojo where we see Katie sitting on a bench in the locker room with a towel covering her head. Standing behind her, the normally happy PORK stands with his arms folded across his massive chest, a scowl on his face>

KB: <looking down at the floor, the towel preventing us from seeing her face> Jack Quinn saw something in me. He saw something in PORK. He took us both in and helped us, he didn't have to, but he did. Pete Quick.......what you did....I am going to break you. Both physically and mentally, I will break you. But this week, we start with your boys Nigel and Liam. Sorry boys, don't take this ass whipping personally.

<Katie slowly looks up and we see a look of rage on her face>

Actually, take it personally, take it VERY personally, and just try and stop me. Better men than you have tried and failed.

Trust me.

<fade>

[Jack Quinn]

<we cut to the assembled press and crew in front of the Nowhere Bar, Grille & PCPL Repository. Bill, Justin and Ellie May are standing on front of the door with Assistant GM Shiz.>

AGMS: After a long and tumultuous summer, we are proud to announce the grand reopening of Nowhere!

<They all hold oversized scissors and cut the ribbon off the door. Shiz opens the door, and we immediately see Arctic now behind the bar with Ellie May, Opus is playing the piano, Drunkey and Drunkette are grazing by the air hockey table and Justin and Bill are sitting at a table>

AGMS: What the, you were just in the......how do you DO that?

<members of the roster file in and get their drinks and mingle. The camera catches up with Bill and Justin>

ABFD: So, whatchure saying you have no brokified bones, sprains or stitches?

JS: No

ABFD: Come on son, you hain't had no abrasions, contusions, concussions or lacerations?

JS: Nope

ABFD: Hows about amnesia, consumption, constipation or cholera?

JS: Ummmmmm, nope

ABFD: Heart palpitations, uhh melancholia, feelin right puny?

JS: None of that at all!

ABFD: You's gonna sit chere and tell ol Bill you hain't had faintin' spells, dropsy, mysterious carvins on your torso or ANY kinna barbed wire damage?

JS: None at all

ABFD: Well hell son! If you hain't had nona that, then ol Mooseyhead Jack couldn't a attacked you!

JS: He didn't! Pete Quick told us covid was back and we had to stay in the Bar. We ran out of food, so I went to find Stank and borrow five bucks. What was going on?

ABFD: Ol Petey Fastone tried to pull a fast one! He said Mooseyhead Jack done attackified you and Ellie May!

JS: OH NO!

ABFD: OH NO!

JS: We gotta do something!

ABFD: They's only one thing we can do son

Both: ROAD TRIP

<we cut to the garage in the OOWF Arena. We see Justin behind the wheel Bill riding shotgun.>

JS: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a quart of PCPL, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.

ABFD: Hit it

<the engine roars to life and the Banned Mobile tears out into the night>

<we cut back to the hallway outside the Nowhere Bar, Grille & PCPL Repository and we see Katie and PORK>

KB: Do we HAVE to do this?

P: Katie, this is a big deal to BFE

KB: Aren't you still annoyed about what Quick did to Jack?

P: Of course I am, but there's a time and a place for that. This is a time and place to relax and enjoy time with our coworkers.

KB: Nah, you go. Tell em all I said hey. If I saw Hunter or Dakota I might snap

P: Suit yourself...........oh, Katie

KB: What?

P: Don't do anything stupid, ok?

KB: Who me? Pshhhhh

<PORK walks into the NBG&PCPLR and we hear the crowd yell PORK!. Katie stands by the door for a moment, almost as if to make sure PORK didn't come back out. When he doesn't, Katie turns and heads back down the hallway. The INC follows her to the Shokan Dojo. Katie goes in and heads directly to Jack's office. Katie walks in and walks straight to the HDB hanging on the wall. Katie just stares at it, then slowly reaches out and touches it. We see her physically shiver. Katie then turns her eyes to some of the photos on the wall. Jack in various matches throughout the years. In one spot there is a small framed picture of Jack and Chloe holding the tag titles up, both bloody messes, looks of pure sadistic joy on their faces. Katie turns to another one, a photo of Jack and Fire during their Blood Pond match. And another of Alex driving Jack through a ladder to win their last ever official match. Katie looks around and ends up back in front of HDB. As the camera pans around so we can see the doorway behind her, a shadow that had been standing there quickly moves>

<We cut back to the Nowhere Bar, Grille & PCPL Repository where we see Hunter and Dakota regaling some trainees with their tales of bravery and adventure>

Hunter: And then, with a mighty push, using the very LAST bit of strength in my body, I pushed that shopping cart RIGHT into the proper receptacle!

Dakota: BULLY FOR RETURNING THINGS TO THEIR PROPER PLACES!

Both: BULLY!

Dakota: Hunter, perchance should we tell them of the time we staved off an illegal inner tube gang using only Squirrel Attack?

Hunter: EGADS! The Great InnerTube Debacle!

Dakota: Mrs. Parton was EXCEPTIONALLY gracious to us!

Hunter: How were we to know that Splash Mountain was some sort of park of themes?

Dakota: Why, there was nary a bit of advertising!

Hunter: We must hang our heads and mourn the loss of inner tubes that day. Gone but not forgotten

Both: <putting their hats over their hearts, somberly> gone, but not forgotten

<we cut back to Bill and Justin, they pull up to the Quinn Cabin, but it appears to be dark>

ABFD: Well hell son, they hain't no one home!

JS: This is suspicious. Where could Jack Quinn have gone?

<Justin and Bill stand there and scratch their heads for a moment>

VOG: Ummm, guys?

ABFD: WHERE'D THAT COME FROM! IT'S A HAINT!

JS: OH NO!

ABFD: OH NO!

VOG: Guys, it's me. Voice Over Guy

JS: Oh. hey!

VOG: Look, the writer of this promo is getting tired of writing it, and is running out of ideas, so, if we could just hurry this up.....

JS: Well, we're looking for Moose so we can apologize

VOG: He and Kali left for Detroit.

ABFD: Well hell son....<rubbing his chin> What is ol Mooseyhead Jack doing in Detroit......

JS: <also rubbing his chin> hmmmmmmm

VOG: You guys have a show in Detroit on Saturday

JS: That's THIS week?

VOG: Yes

ABFD: Well hell son! Why didn't you say that!

<The boys hop back in the car and head back to Asheville and we fade>

[DrMcAwesome]

OOWF Saturday Slam –  Oct. 21, 2023
LIVE! from Detroit, Michigan

• Beverly Cambridge vs. Lindsay McAllister
“Just a Girl” draws out Lindsay, who salutes her well-wishers and heads to the ring with a bounce in her step. Lindsay enters the ring and bounces off the ropes with “Cut the Cord” playing out Beverly as she coyly acknowledges her fans and walks to the ring. The two shake hands with Gavin “Junior” Hale signaling for the bell to start the match. Lindsay and Beverly circle each other and tease grapples, but both manage to duck out of danger when the other seemingly has the advantage. Lindsay, who is just a bit quicker, is able to get a few running strikes on Beverly, who halts the attack with a stun gun on a charging Lindsay, who opts to catch her air on the outside.

Mac: “I know it gets said often, but it’s very rare that you can surprise Beverly Cambridge once the bell rings.”
Razz: “Great wrestlers are always studying their opponents at all hours. When you don’t hear much from Beverly between shows, that’s when you know that you’re cooked.”

Lindsay hops to the apron and waits for Beverly to engage her. Beverly patiently waits for Lindsay to step back into the ring as Hale’s count is now at 8. Lindsay steps back in and cautiously tries to reach in as Beverly attempts a quick takedown into a La Bell Lock. Lindsay powers herself to freedom and then opts for a quick forearm shiver to the side of Beverly’s head and a neck crank to get Beverly on the mat. Lindsay grapples Beverly down into a chin lock with some fish-hooking.

Mac: “It’s rare we see this type of stuff from Lindsay now, but I’ve experienced this side of her first hand and I think she knows that she can fall back on this as a weapon if needed.”

Lindsay keeps up the pressure, trying to gain a submission through a bridging hammerlock that Beverly escapes by draping a leg over a nearby rope. Lindsay releases the hold and gets a kick to the face for her troubles when trying break Beverly’s ground guard. Beverly kips up and backs Lindsay into a corner with a few forearm strikes. A European Uppercut rocks Lindsay and sets up a Very European Uppercut that has her out on her feet upon landing.

Razz: “Shades of Claudio Castagnoli! You wonder what else he might have taught Beverly during those non-dates, if you know what I mean.”
Russ: “You better not let Zed hear you make those implications.”

Beverly attempts a running bulldog on the woozy Lindsay, but the Australian is able to counter and shove Beverly off just before the downward trip. Lindsay falls and Beverly is on the mat collecting herself as Hale gets a count up to 6 before Beverly is upright. Beverly approaches Lindsay and gets caught in a small package that gets 2 before Beverly powers through a reversal to get 3.

Your winner (pinfall, 5:22), Beverly Cambridge!

Afterward, Beverly and Lindsay sit across from each other and nod in sportsmanship before Lindsay offers to raise Beverly’s arm. Beverly politely declines, but the two shake hands in the center of the ring.

• Awesome Bill from Dawsonville vs. Pete Quick
Quick is out first and the crowd boos the ever loving shit out of him. Quick soaks the boos in in the middle of the ring, and when "Freebird" plays, the crowd loses their shit. Bill storms the ring and he and Quick go toe to toe, but Bill quickly gets the better of the exchange. He grabs Quick and sends him into the corner and charges in and catches him with a clothesline, then climbs to the second rope and gives the ten punches of doom. Bill hops off the turnbuckle and Quick takes a couple steps out of the corner and takes a swing at nothing in particular. Bill hits the ropes and KILLS Quick with a the MASON DIXON LINE (clothesline from hell). Quick rolls out of the ring and falls to the floor.

Bill hops out of the ring and pulls Quick to his knees but Quick grabs Bill and falls backward sending him face first into the ringpost. Quick throws Bill into the ring and covers, but Bill kicks out at two. Quick spends the next several minutes working on Bill, getting several near falls in the process. Quick tries an elbow drop off the ropes, but Bill gets his knee up, catching Quick in the ribs. Bill is back on his feet and takes the fight to Quick, hitting the flip, flop and fly, sending Quick back out of the ring. Bill waits for Quick to get to his feet, then hits the opposite ropes......where he is low bridged by Angie Delpetro!

Bill flips over the top rope, but lands on his feet. He grabs Delpetro and threatens to hit her when Quick rushes around the ring and NAILS Bill with a punch to the back of the head with his gloved fist! Bill collapses to the floor. Quick rolls Bill into the ring and pulls him to his feet in the corner, but Bill is in la-la land. Quick makes a big show of applying the iron claw and taking Bill to the mat where the referee makes the academic three count.

Your winner (pinfall, 11:41), Pete Quick!

After the match, Quick gets a mic, and is joined in the ring by Angie and Legion. Nigel and Liam hold Bill, who cannot stand. Quick gets a chair and opens it and sits in front of Bill.

Billy, Billy, Billy. I want you to understand something. The chaos of the old OOWF is gone. I have rid this cesspool of one Moosehead Jack, the most vile miscreant to ever step foot in a wrestling ring. Now … you have to understand how things work around here these days, Bill. You see, there is a pecking order, and Angie, Legion and I, well we are at the very top of that pecking order. We are the elite, we are the future. We gave you a chance to be part of our organization Billy, but you declined. You … didn’t trust me. You didn't trust us. That hurts me Billy, and when someone hurts me … I have to hurt them.

In one fluid motion, Quick jumps to his feet, grabs the chair and folds it, and brings it down HARD on Bill's skull. Bill collapses to the mat, blood gushing from a nasty cut on his head. The crowd erupts as Justin Sane and Ellie May, as well as the rest of the locker room, flood the ring. Quick and Co make a hasty retreat while medics come out to check on Bill.

• Bridget O’Malley and The One-Notes vs. Annie Horvath, Ona Jones and Rory Thomas
“Crown on the Ground,” but now sung by The One-Notes, announces the arrival of the suddenly bonded trio of Bridget, Carrie and Harper. The three ladies stroll to the ring with their opposition already in the ring. Despite Davis Hightower’s warnings of starting before the bell, Bridget and The One-Notes rush to the opposite corner with Bridget disposing of Ona, Carrie working over Annie and Harper hammering away on Rory.

Mac: “This is suddenly a very dangerous group of ladies as Annie, Ona and Rory are going to painfully find out.”
Razz: “And this could all be traced back to you, Mac! Had you just let Bridget shine like you knew she should have, she might still be your best friend.”
Russ: “She’s always had a bit of a Jezebel quality to her. Mac couldn’t have prevented this.”

Hightower manages to establish order with Harper and Rory in the ring. Rory tries to outslug Harper, but to no avail. Harper stops Rory cold with a left hook and then tags in Carrie as Rory falls back to get tagged out by Ona. Carrie and Ona exchange takedowns and cradle-based pin attempts that only get 1 with Carrie finally gaining an edge thanks to a Greco-Roman eye rake. Ona swings wildly at air with Carrie tagging out to Bridget, who dives at Ona’s recently injured knee. Bridget toys with Ona before tossing her to her team’s corner with Annie tagging in with a series of punches that stagger Bridget enough for Annie to hit the ropes and attempt a crossbody that Bridget casually sidesteps.

Russ: “Annie Horvath is showing the heart of a champion, but the ring awareness and scouting still need work.”
Mac: “She’s been training with Firewoman, so mastering those things is inevitable. Until then, let’s just praise her for having the awareness to realize that Nuke was holding her down.”
Razz: “You mean like you held Bridget down?”

Bridget isolates Annie in the corner as Bridget, Carrie and Harper take turns tagging in and working over the waifish youngster. After two rotations of tagging and stomping, Carrie slaps the downed Annie, which ignites a fire in the youngster and causes her to pop up in an instant. Annie battles out of the corner and yells, getting the Detroit crowd behind her, but her path to a tag is cut off by Harper, who wasn’t legal, but that’s not going to matter as Ona and Rory spill into the ring with Bridget also joining the fracas as a line brawl commences.

Mac: “While I’ll never agree with the claim that Detroit is ‘Hockeytown,’ this looks like something out of a movie filmed in a true hockey town.”
Russ: “You must mean ‘Youngblood,’ which was filmed in Toronto.”
Razz: “That can’t be it, Russ. Mac surely is talking about ‘The Mighty Ducks,’ which was filmed in Minnesota.”
Mac: “… Guys. You were in the arena where most of the hockey scenes from ‘Slap Shot,’ THE hockey movie was filmed in. Did you not read the notes I gave you?”

Harper manages to knock out Rory with a hard right hand while Carrie sends Annie out of the ring with a clothesline over the top. With Harper picking the unconscious Rory up for the Metronome, Bridget pulls Ona into a chickenwing sleeper that gets an immediate submission. Hightower, who has lost control long ago, signals for the bell.

Your winners (submission, 5:28), the team of Bridget O’Malley and The One-Notes!

Afterward, Bridget refuses to let go of the chicken-wing sleeper while Harper tosses Rory aside. Carrie and Harper then converge on the Bridget-Ona action while singing a lullaby as Ona fades into unconsciousness. Bridget holds on just a bit longer before Hightower’s threats of a reversed decision finally force a break. Annie cautiously crawls in to tend to her downed partners while Bridget and The One-Notes hop out of the ring to taunt Mac at the broadcast table.

• Alexander Darling vs. Kylie Mignolio
With Russ having sent Mac off with a concession order, “King of the World” plays out Alexander, who shows his usual disdain toward the fans. Alexander perches himself in a corner as “Jaded” plays out Kylie as she jogs to the ring and enters. Misato Misawa signals for the bell as “The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?)” plays to bring out Hunter and Dakota, The Woodsmen. Hunter pulls out his Swiss Army Microphone.

Hunter: “Woodswoman Kylie. We report that Josie is in need of your assistance in the most urgent fashion.”

Kylie with zero hesitation sprints out of the ring and toward the back, blowing past The Woodsmen, who were apparently entrusted with watching over Josie. Kylie locates Josie, right where she had left her with The Woodsmen in perfect health and spirit, but apparently wanting to grab food in catering. Kylie nods in affirmation … All while Misawa’s count has long since made it to 10.

Your winner (count out, :35), Alexander Darling!

Afterward, Kylie returns to the ringside area and strongly admonishes Hunter for turning a non-emergency into a very stressful situation, while Alexander cracks a smile at getting a win without having to do all that much.

• WAR PIGS vs. Legion (Liam and Nigel)
Legion are out first, they pose in the ring and generally just annoy the crowd. The first few chords of "War Pigs" barely plays when Katie and PORK storm the ring. Katie goes after Liam with a fury we haven't seen before.

Russ: Katie is attacking Liam with a fury we've never seen before!

See? She backs him into the corner and hammers him with punches to the face and ribs. Katie takes a step back and pulls off her shirt

Crowd: SHIRT OFF! FISTS UP!

Katie continues to batter Liam in the corner, he finally shoves her and then bails out of the ring. Katie follows. Inside the ring, PORK and Nigel take turns battering one another with forearms and punches, PORK backs Nigel into the corner and holds up his finger,

Crowd: Shhhhhhhhhhhh … PORK CHOPS!

PORK unleashes a barrage of chops in the corner that beats Nigel to the mat, he then stomps a mudhole in him, then pulls him to his feet, sends him to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a SPINEBUSTER! PORK covers, but Nigel kicks out at two.

Katie and Liam have fought their way up the ramp, and we see Liam has been busted open. Katie grabs him and bites his forehead, Liam rakes her eyes to get away, then hits her with a spinning elbow that momentarily gets her off of him. Liam kicks Katie and plants her with a DDT on the stage. Katie is immediately on her knees trying to shake it off, Liam kicks her in the ribs, then grabs a table and sets up and grabs Katie, but she ROCKS him with a European uppercut, then POWERBOMBS him through the table! Katie stares down at Liam and gets a weird look in her eye. She grabs Liam and throws him off the stage onto the concrete floor. Katie gets a running start and tries a Foley elbow, but Liam moves and Katie eats concrete.

Back in the ring, PORK is having his way with Nigel when Angie is back out. She distracts the referee which allows Nigel to hit a low blow. Nigel drapes PORK on the bottom rope and chokes him, Pete Quick comes through the crowd and hops the guardrail and NAILS PORK with a right to the temple!

Russ: THAT DAMN LOADED GLOVE AGAIN!

Quick ducks down so the ref doesn't see him, Nigel grabs a barely conscious PORK and rolls him up off the ropes and the referee, having not seen a thing, counts the pin.

Your winners (pinfall, 15:36), Legion!

• Sandra Fallon and El Scorcho vs. The Battling Baristas
With Brynn and Tara already in the ring, “Surf Wax America” plays to boring out Sandra, who waits for “El Scorcho” to mark the arrival of El Scorcho, who receives a hero’s welcome in Detroit. Sandra, still not sure what to make of the masked newcomer, offers a fist bump as the duo starts to walk toward the ring. They never get there as Bridget O’Malley and The One-Notes waylay the duo from behind. The 3-on-2 assault makes its way back up the ramp where Bridget, who is barking out orders, watches Sandra get thrown into the LED board and then off the stage onto a conveniently placed stack of boxes. El Scorcho tries to hop off and tend to Sandra, but is grabbed by Harper. Carrie and Harper work over El Scorcho as Bridget grins from ear to ear. Bridget then approaches the nearly unconscious El Scorcho, who has been thrown toward her feet. As Bridget gestures that she is about to remover her mask, “I Get Wet” plays to distract Bridget just enough for Sandra to grab El Scorcho by the wrist and pull him to safety off the side of the stage. Carrie and Harper try to stop the escape, but Bridget holds the two back while barking insults toward the wounded pair.

Russ: “I’m not sure who that masked man is that Bridget is so worried about getting his mask, but El Scorcho has created quite a stir in the two shows that he’s been a part of.”
Razz: “Partner, if you’re not sure who El Scorcho is, wait until Mac takes his time getting back with your chicken fingers.”

• OOWF Intercontinental Championship: Angie Delpetro (c) vs. Justin Sane
“Insane in the Brain” signals the arrival of Justin, who runs out to a wild applause and with the company of Drunkey and Drunkette. As Justin dashes to the ring, the music stops as Angie enters to “The Halls of Fear.” Angie strides to the ring, paying little mind to Drunkey and Drunkette as they are escorted backstage. Angie makes a few rude gestures to ringside fans before rolling into the ring. Justin tries to get at Angie, but is held back by Angelo Barros, who checks both for foreign objects and then calls for the start of the match. Justin gets a head of steam and runs straight into a big boot from Angie, who is quick to fold Justin and grab a heaping helping of tights to get a quick 3.

Your winner (pinfall, :25), and STILL OOWF Intercontinental Champion, Angie Delpetro!

Afterward, Angie gestures that she’s wiping her hands clean of Justin when an angry, and bandaged Awesome Bill from Dawsonville charges in to get at Angie, who hightails it with Pete Quick, Nigel and Liam joining her on the ramp. Awesome Bill helps Justin to his feet and pats him on the shoulder while Angie holds the championship to taunt both members of Banned From Everywhere.

• OOWF World Tag Team Championship: Zed and Sean Franklin (c) vs. The Electric Company
Joe and Jamie of The Electric Company are already in the ring as “Good in Red” starts to play and Sean Franklin and Zed walk down the entrance ramp with Rev. BRICK~! in tow. Sean and Joe start in the ring, and Sean backs up Joe with some chops before shooting him into the ropes for a scoop powerslam. Sean wastes little time laying in a few strikes to Joe’s head before tagging in Zed.

Zed staggers Joe with a kick, then doubles Joe over with repeated knees to the abdomen. Zed hits the ropes, but Joe is ready and waiting with a clothesline. Joe takes this opportunity to tag in Jamie, while Zed quickly returns to the champions’ corner to bring Sean back.

As Sean’s trying to get in the ring, Rev. BRICK~! hops on the apron and tries to pass him something. Sean largely brushes him off, but the distraction is enough for Jamie to go for a roll-up pin, one, two, NO! Sean kicks out and quickly elbows Jamie in the face, while Zed glares at Rev. BRICK~!.

Sean gets a little old-school, bashing Jamie’s head into the turnbuckle repeatedly before tagging in Zed. Zed goes to the top rope, awaiting the vertical suplex from Sean before flying in with the leg drop. Zed hooks Jamie’s leg, and you could count to 50.

Your winners (5:22; pinfall) and STILL OOWF World Tag Team Champions, Sean Franklin and Zed!

• OOWF World Championship: Lexie Darling (c) vs. Nuke
“Hate Breeders” notes the arrival of Nuke, who goes through the requisite gesturing that he wants the championship on the line in this impending match. Nuke climbs the ropes in his corner and motions around his waist just as “Radioactive” plays to signal that Lexie Darling is in the building. The champion holds her title high over her head while never taking her eyes off of Nuke during her entrance or the big-match introductions from Mike Elevenbee. Mel Creech holds the title over his head and calls for the bell as Nuke charges, only to eat a roundhouse kick from Lexie. Nuke scampers away and under the ropes while Lexie gestures for Nuke to bring more than just that.

Mac: “Nuke is an expert at hit-and-run offense. Lexie, as any good champion should be, is quite aware of this fact.”

Nuke heads back in and offers a handshake that Lexie kicks away before cornering him with forearm smashes. Lexie takes a few steps back before rushing back in with a high knee to the jaw. Lexie repeats this twice, not having to get too high on the third knee strike with Nuke slumped in the corner. Lexie peels Nuke out of the corner and plants him into the mat with a DDT that gets 2. Nuke tries to roll out of the ring, only for Lexie to confidently block his path. Nuke slowly gets to his feet and spits right in Lexie’s face before sending an elbow to her jaw. Lexie bounces off the nearby ropes after taking the blow and right into a pop-up power bomb that gets 0 with the champ already in the ropes before the pin was attempted. Nuke stomps away at Lexie, focusing on the upper torso and neck area as Lexie is a beat behind covering where the next stomp will land. Creech eventually steps in and gets shoved down as Nuke continues on the offensive. As Creech is coming to, Adam Jennings rushes down to talk Creech out of disqualifying his son. While all of this is happening, El Scorcho runs down to the ring and does enough to distract Nuke. Lexie takes advantage with a sling blade and then a tornado DDT. El Scorcho then waves Creech over to count the fall, which he does.

Your winner (pinfall, 5:06), and STILL OOWF World Champion, Lexie Darling!

Afterward, Nuke chases after El Scorcho, taking that footrace all the way to the back.

Razz: “Wait. I thought that … El Scorcho was … You know … I … Ummm …"
Mac: “You OK over there Razz? Gonna make it?”
Russ: “I think Razz had some beliefs to the identity of that masked man that might have been quashed.”

Lexie takes her championship from Creech and holds it high as the show closes.