[Chris Eco]

(3) Van Helsing



vs.

(6) The Cat in the Hat



Polling closes Friday noon.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Is it Van Helsing vs. Master or Cat?

[Chris Eco]

Oops. Sorry. Fixed.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

This is tough - do I vote for Soprano's favorite or for Tex's favorite...

[williamssl]

IMDB User Ratings:
Van Helsing: 5.4
Cat in the Hat: 3.2


Rotten Tomatoes User Ratings:
Van Helsing: 22%
Cat in the Hat: 12%


I've said it before and I'll say it again, you can watch any clip of Cat in the Hat - pick a couple minutes and watch it...any clip on YouTube...point is, I don't have to steer you to a specific clip and say "look at this - this is bad". The whole movie was painful to watch.

And Van Helsing at least had Kate Beckinsale in it.

And I'm withholding votes in all the other contests. 100% up for grabs.

[salmonjunkie]

Van Helsing was so so bad, but I had such a good time watching it because we watched it at the 21+ screening at a theater out here that has a bar.

Never saw Cat and the Hat but those youtube videos make me want to murder everyone involved, making one of my beloved childhood books into that annoying dreck.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

I don't love either movie but I don't hate either movie. This is a tough choice for me.

[williamssl]

Allow me to make it easier: pick something in animation you want me to vote for and it's done.

[Lori]

Ugh. I didn't bother to watch Cat because I knew it would suck. The fact that Van Helsing had a chance in hell of being good, and THEN sucked, makes it the winner to me.

[Stu]

williamssl said:

And Van Helsing at least had Kate Beckinsale in it.

And Elena Anaya

[Krydor]

Dr. Seuss would not let any of his stories go live action. Upon his death, his family raped his corpse by selling two of his stories that took about 5 minutes to read. Cat in the Hat had a budget and an arguably bankable star with a popular story to boot.

Van Helsing has a good opening bit. One can watch it drunk and not wish to slit their wrists.

[DevSop]

I had an inkling of it during the Drama showdown. The Sci-Fi showdown really made me start to think. The Action showdown nominations were pretty much the breaking point, but this is fucking ricockulous. Van Helsing is without question the biggest steaming pile of dogshit ever made. The Cat in the Hat is probably bad, but that was a bad idea and bad execution.

Van Helsing takes some of the best fictional characters in the history of fiction and ruins every single one of them. Beckinsale is drop-dead gorgeous, but you can't see that because the entire movie is just a huge pile of shit on screen. There is not one redeeming quality to Van Helsing. At least Cat in the Hat made the public realize that Mike Myers shouldn't be making movies.

I've seen a lot of bad movies and enjoyed a lot of bad movies to some degree. I THREW OUT two copies of Van Helsing that I received as gifts. That's saying something when I still fucking own Spice World. Stop overthinking this people. Van Helsing is bad on every level, in every way.

[Lori]

Krydor said:

Van Helsing has a good opening bit. One can watch it drunk and not wish to slit their wrists.

Hmmm. Guess I should have been drinking. I watched it high, and it was close.

[Moreofabreadguyanyway]

Van Helsing's probably less terrible, but at least Cat in the Hat was scary, Van Helsing had nothing interesting going on.

[Krydor]

That shit with Frankenstein's monster rocked. It took an immediate downturn with the entrance of Mr. Hyde.

Cat in the Hat took a "learn to read" book and made it just BRUTAL.

[Lucky]

That opening scene was just the same sort of scene we've seen 1000 times but with maybe the worst Dracula ever to hit the screen.

I can vote for Van Helsing in good conscious seeing as how I've never had any desire to see that Cat movie.

[williamssl]

And why did you never have any desire to see the movie? Seems like you watch a lot of movies? Was it because you thought/heard IT SUCKED?

I know these showdowns are subjective, but some of the logic that gets thrown out there staggers me.

Looks like I may need to move from "vote for Cat in the Hat and I'll vote for whatever you want me to" to "smite voting".

[Batman]

williamssl said:

And I'm withholding votes in all the other contests. 100% up for grabs.

Seriously? I didn't even consider that anyone who might be interested in trading might not have already voted in the Snow White vs Dumbo Showdown.

Go vote for Snow White right now!

[Lucky]

williamssl said:

And why did you never have any desire to see the movie? Seems like you watch a lot of movies? Was it because you th :-[ought/heard IT SUCKED?

Nope. In fact I've never heard an opinion of the film before this showdown. I'm not sure I've ever acknowledged the existence of the film with another human being prior to this post. Noone has ever walked up to me and said "Wanna see Cat in the Hat?" Or "Dude, Cat in the Hat fucking sucked!" Or "Hey, have you heard how Cat in the Hat is?" Its a movie that might as well have not existed.

Because a comic I don't like dressed up as a big cartoon from a children's story I never much cared for in no way appealed to me? That's why. But that doesn't mean I presumed it sucked horrible. I never saw the Grinch either. Never saw Garfield. Never saw Shrek 3. Never saw the Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Never saw Ella Enchanted. I'm not a kid and I don't have a kid. I don't much enjoy kids' stuff (besides Foster's). So this whole world is just not there for me. I figure it better that I just don't bother.

I've never seen nor had the desire to see any Star Trek movie. Why? Doesn't appeal to me.

I've never seen nor had the desire to see any Bond movie. Why? Doesn't appeal to me.

I've never seen nor had the desire to see Chicago or Moulin Rouge. Why? Doesn't appeal to me.

It doesn't mean I think these movies suck on their own merits. I just have no reason to watch them. I probably won't enjoy them.

EDIT: Before anyone calls me on it, yeah there are obviously a ton of movies I've seen that I had as little or less desire to see than the ones I just named. Glitter jumps to mind. But I never had a desire to see that. I just ended up seeing it because of circumstances. The circumstances have never let me see Cat in the Hat. I've never stumbled across it bored enough to watch. I've never watched it with a kid. I've never had a girl drag me to it because she thought it would be something.

[williamssl]

Serg: Sorry - that was a "from this point onward" thing. I already voted there so can't help you.

Lucky: I never saw either movie you or Lori are arguing about. No desire to see 'em. But I'm beginning to think I know which one I like least.

[Batman]

That's all right. Can I count on your vote for something in animated next round then?

(Probably Snow White unless it loses a tiebreaker.)

[williamssl]

I owe you 1

[Lucky]

What 28 Days and Child's Play? Hey, you can be swayed by opinions. But I DID see one of these films and I fucking hated it. The other one I had never even thought of since the first time I saw its trailer until this showdown. I've had no real desire to click on any of those links or watch it this weekend on TV. So what can I say? Its a movie I hate vs a movie I am 100% indifferent to. And most of the arguments seem to be to the extent of "All that gay shit from the story? Totally gay in the movie. And that overrated hack comic who is a complete and utter ham and who you've hated in just about every film he's ever made? Totally ham who has a shit performance."

I mean, I bet Chairman of the Board sucked too but I didn't see it.

EDIT: Oh, that was a threat, wasn't it? "I'll vote against your movie"? No biggie. I don't like Child's Play. I just like ranting on 28 Days Later. It advancing means another week of ranting.

[DevSop]

I'll vote for snow white for van helsing votes. I'll vote for anything for van helsing to win this entire showdown. I feel more strongly about this than Serenity beating Terminator or Kristen Bell beating Scarlet. Van Helsing needs to win this showdown.

[williamssl]

devilsoprano said:

I'll blow anyone for van helsing votes. I'll let anyone fist me for van helsing to win this entire showdown. I feel more strongly about this than Serenity beating Terminator or Kristen Bell beating Scarlet. Van Helsing needs to win this showdown.

Well, that's commitment. And a sacrifice of body/morals that I'm not willing to make. Et tu, DevSop!

And for everyone else...remember that "Best DevSop impersonation will be a PunBoard Awards category, and I just tee'd up a softball for anyone who wants to guarantee themselves an entry!!!! ;D