[The Jewish Cunthead]

With apologies to OBJ, this is probably the best one yet.

natecorbitt.proboards81.com/index.cgi?board=oowf&action=display&thread=2581&page=3#65163

<SYB decides to leave the Destroyitarium and heads to the OOWF Cafeteria. He sets his tray down and we hear the background music get a little louder>

Don't have much wrestling ability
Don't have athletic skills as you can see
I take a lot of shit for the way I look
Don’t know why they call me a giant fook

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB slides his tray along and spots a sandwich, he looks around to make sure no one is watching, and with a mighty snort, it goes up his nose>

Don't know much about wrestling history
Don't know why you can’t love a donkey
Don't know much about starving kids in Africa
Don't know what we send them money for.

But I do know that one and one is two,
And I know how to calculate compound interest too,
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B.

<SYB comes to the jell-o section, and gives a knowing wink to the Invisible Ninja Cameraman and with a mighty snort, clears the area out. He moves along stacking more and more food on his tray>

Now I don’t claim to be a great wrestler,
But I'm trying to be.
So maybe by trying to be a great wrestler baby,
I can win a match for Skurge and me

Don't have much wrestling ability
Don't have athletic skills as you can see
I take a lot of shit for the way I look
Don’t know why they call me a giant fook

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB gets to the ice cream section and grabs an couple of ice cream sandwiches and jams them down his pants (just because) then snorts one up his nose. He has to grab the railing to keep from falling over from the brain freeze>

Latatatatatatahuwaah (ability)
Oehwoewoe (my donkey)
Latatatatatatahuwaah (giant fook)
Oehwoewoe (the way I look)

But I do know that I own you
And I know that because I am teh Joo
Now who’s laughin at the S-Y-B

<SYB walks by Alexander Darling who is trying to eat, fighting the pain of the blinding Red Mist, as he walks by SYB yells out CAW CAW CAW!! Darling turns and starts to yell, but the yelling hurts his face and he nearly falls over in pain. SYB walks over to where Moosehead Jack is sitting with Firewoman trying to convince her to join Bennett’s Army>

Moose: Fire! I haven't seen you since Japan!

Fire: Go away.

Moose: I can only stay a minute. Let me buy you a Zetterberg Jersey.

<Fire stares daggers into Moose>

Moose: You’ve got your jersey. How bout a chocolate title belt?

<Fire holds up the chocolate title belt>

MHJ: You’ve got your chocolate title belt too. Can l just beat Alexander Darling with a barbed wire bat while you eat?

Fire: GO AWAY!

MHJ: Do l have to leave? Is this any way to treat an intimate friend?


<Davin and Phantos sit down>: I do hope we're not interrupting anything.

Moose: lf you must know--

Fire: Moose was just leaving.

Moose: I wasn't.

Davin: I could make you leave, if you....

<SYB drops his tray on the table and sits down with everyone else>

Moose: SYB! I think you know everybody here.

Fire: Phantos, can't you--

Moose: Don't worry. Just keep your hands and feet away from his nose.

Phantos: Don't you have any respect for yourself?

Lucios <joining them>: This is absolutely gross!

Fire: That boy is a J-O-O, Joo!

SYB: See if you can guess...what l am now.

<SYB gets a snoot full of water and sprays it all over Phantos, Lucios, Davin and Fire>

(Fire yells)

SYB: I'm a garden hose. Get it?

Davin: All right, you bastard. Let's go, right here!

<Davin jumps to his feet and just narrowly escapes his clutches, and a full scale brawl erupts in the OOWF cafeteria as members of Team Rick and Team Bennett file in and join the fight>

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

Solly, you are right - this was a masterpiece (not to be confused with Moose's favorite wrestler).