Random Moosings 11/23/08
Nov 23, 2008 21:18:18 GMT -5
Post by Jack Quinn on Nov 23, 2008 21:18:18 GMT -5
Random Moosings 11/23/08
So as the OOWFers know I was gone for a few days to visit the folks in North Carolina. We had a couple of reasons for going this time, one, my sister was having her baby shower, she is due in two months, and it was nice to see her. She miscarried last year, and was just completely devastated, so it is nice to see her and the baby doing so well this time. The second reason for going down was that my dad and step mother were going to be there as well, so it was a chance to have a family reunion of sorts and enjoy an early Thanksgiving dinner. I may come back to that later, my step mother couldn’t make it, but the dinner and visit went mostly fine.
What occurred to me on this trip, and I found really odd was that in a lot of ways it seems like I have outgrown my family. Now, I know that sounds insanely arrogant, and I don’t mean it that way. I should really try to explain. We were at my sisters house, and her and my dad were talking about antiques and shopping for them and all that. My sister was saying something about the price, and she thought it was too high, so she “Jewed” him down to something cheaper. At this point, my jaw dropped and I just stared at her. She honestly had no idea what was wrong with what she had said, and justified it by saying everyone down there (the Mountains of North Carolina) used that term. I tried to explain that wrong is wrong, no matter who says it, or how many people said it. So, naturally the N-word got thrown in there too as an example, and I tried to explain that it didn’t matter WHO said it, ignorant is ignorant, and there is no reason for anyone saying it, ever.
This is where the conversation took a disturbing turn. My dad informs me that people like me are what’s wrong with the country. You know, trying to be a little more sensitive to what I am saying, and not coming across looking like a total fucking retard. I was shocked. Now, I suppose I should give a little insight to this story. My dad and I have only recently begun speaking once again, after seven years of nothing. And to be honest, ever since he left us when I was six, our relationship has been sketchy at best. I tried to let bygones be bygones and have been working on patching things up, then this. I was stunned. I really didn’t know how else to respond, so I said something about getting him a calendar so he could see it wasn’t 1950 anymore, and decided to let things drop, but it made an impression.
Now, I had been thinking about this for a good part of the ride home (11 hours worth) and I am really not sure how to feel. On one hand, I know I joke about Solly being a Jew and all that, but that is never meant with any intention to hurt his feelings, and I would never say those things in anger, or to someone I didn’t know well enough that I knew they would not be offended. When my sister said it, she just said it. And then for my father to see nothing wrong with it……….again, I was just shocked.
I would never consider myself better than anyone else. I don’t think I am better than anyone in my family. I am more educated, and in most cases I am more well traveled (which is kind of sad considering I really have not traveled that much.) but the amount of uninformed opinion that passes for fact with my family is staggering. We tried to talk about politics a little, and that was a disaster. The whole time, I kept thinking about what my father and sister said, and it just kind of ate at me. I don’t really expect any kind of resolution here, just something that I wanted to write out, maybe it would make me feel better, you know, the whole catharsis thing. So far it hasn’t, but maybe in time it will. It seems that I have developed quite a different outlook on life than my family. They are still my family, and I still love them, but when they say stupid shit like that, it makes me like them a little less.
So as the OOWFers know I was gone for a few days to visit the folks in North Carolina. We had a couple of reasons for going this time, one, my sister was having her baby shower, she is due in two months, and it was nice to see her. She miscarried last year, and was just completely devastated, so it is nice to see her and the baby doing so well this time. The second reason for going down was that my dad and step mother were going to be there as well, so it was a chance to have a family reunion of sorts and enjoy an early Thanksgiving dinner. I may come back to that later, my step mother couldn’t make it, but the dinner and visit went mostly fine.
What occurred to me on this trip, and I found really odd was that in a lot of ways it seems like I have outgrown my family. Now, I know that sounds insanely arrogant, and I don’t mean it that way. I should really try to explain. We were at my sisters house, and her and my dad were talking about antiques and shopping for them and all that. My sister was saying something about the price, and she thought it was too high, so she “Jewed” him down to something cheaper. At this point, my jaw dropped and I just stared at her. She honestly had no idea what was wrong with what she had said, and justified it by saying everyone down there (the Mountains of North Carolina) used that term. I tried to explain that wrong is wrong, no matter who says it, or how many people said it. So, naturally the N-word got thrown in there too as an example, and I tried to explain that it didn’t matter WHO said it, ignorant is ignorant, and there is no reason for anyone saying it, ever.
This is where the conversation took a disturbing turn. My dad informs me that people like me are what’s wrong with the country. You know, trying to be a little more sensitive to what I am saying, and not coming across looking like a total fucking retard. I was shocked. Now, I suppose I should give a little insight to this story. My dad and I have only recently begun speaking once again, after seven years of nothing. And to be honest, ever since he left us when I was six, our relationship has been sketchy at best. I tried to let bygones be bygones and have been working on patching things up, then this. I was stunned. I really didn’t know how else to respond, so I said something about getting him a calendar so he could see it wasn’t 1950 anymore, and decided to let things drop, but it made an impression.
Now, I had been thinking about this for a good part of the ride home (11 hours worth) and I am really not sure how to feel. On one hand, I know I joke about Solly being a Jew and all that, but that is never meant with any intention to hurt his feelings, and I would never say those things in anger, or to someone I didn’t know well enough that I knew they would not be offended. When my sister said it, she just said it. And then for my father to see nothing wrong with it……….again, I was just shocked.
I would never consider myself better than anyone else. I don’t think I am better than anyone in my family. I am more educated, and in most cases I am more well traveled (which is kind of sad considering I really have not traveled that much.) but the amount of uninformed opinion that passes for fact with my family is staggering. We tried to talk about politics a little, and that was a disaster. The whole time, I kept thinking about what my father and sister said, and it just kind of ate at me. I don’t really expect any kind of resolution here, just something that I wanted to write out, maybe it would make me feel better, you know, the whole catharsis thing. So far it hasn’t, but maybe in time it will. It seems that I have developed quite a different outlook on life than my family. They are still my family, and I still love them, but when they say stupid shit like that, it makes me like them a little less.
