[Lucky]

Under normal circumstances a 15 seed may not stand much of a chance against a 2, but in this case Beer Baron has waged an impressive early campaign for himself and drawn a good deal of praise and support. But has he drawn enough to take down one of the more popular posters on the board? Or will the power of ninja and rock 'n' roll squash the fine baron? Is beer baron really a baron at all?

Salmonjunkie vs beer baron

[salmonjunkie]

You're getting NINJA'D!!!

[The Jewish Cunthead]

I'm throwing Baron a vote since he doesn't deserve to get steamrolled.

Thai is still my pick to win the whole damn thing.

[salmonjunkie]

reasons not to vote for a baron:

as you see here, a Baron is the LOWEST of the ranks of mobility. Lower than a Viscount! He's just one step away from a peasant!

[Lucky]

I'd throw baron a sympathy vote but... he's a beer baron. If he's not happy already he should hand over his title to me.

[Beer Baron]

It's usually a tough choice when deciding who wins the epic struggle of Ninjas vs Pirates.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_versus_Ninjas

Or even when you come across a vixen of this slutitude in the bamboo forest


However when Ninjas battle beer, the result is clearly one sided. If fact, Thai and I just so happen to have had this breathtaking conversation, which by no means is a rip off of a famous scene from Princess Bride:

Thai: Baron, what do you want? This is the prime hair styling hour! If I don't get this wave fresh to death, then I'll never be accepted into the Twilight Coven of Seattle.

Beer Baron: By all means, I don't want you to miss that, you need that. I just brought you here to offer you a friendly drink. I found out that you and I will apparently do battle in Pun's Showdown.

Thai: WHUT?!? No way! Am I allowed to bring my band for dramatic background music for our duel?

Beer Baron: I'll allow that. Sure, why not. But I first challenge you to a Battle of Wits. In front of us are two massive goblets filled with the precious nectar of the Gods.

Thai: Ambrosia?

Beer Baron: Er...no. It's Beer. Focus. While you were at band practice, I had one of my minions put poison in one of the goblets.(Shuffles the goblets) All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink the beer, and find out who is right... and who is dead.

Thai: Diabolically clever!

Beer Baron: I know? Cool, huh? I saw it once in a movie.

Thai: I'll play your game.(picking a goblet) Cheers Baron, may the better man live.(before taking a drink) You know that you'll never beat me in the Showdown, I'm a rather popular guy, and you actually haven't posted on the Board in a really long time. In fact, I heard that Solly and Pun both told you to get your lazy drunken ass back to the boards. Face it Baron, you'll never win in the showdown. A 15 beating a 2?!? Are you drunk? Wait, don't answer that. The bottom line is, I'll move on to the next round.

Beer Baron: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? Well Thai, you've beaten my Moose, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength and higer seeding to save you, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of you. But, you've also bested my Joo, which means you must have studied the Torah, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of me.

Thai: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.

Beer Baron: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS! AND I KNOW HOW TO DEFEAT YOU!

Thai: Then make your choice.

Beer Baron: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?

[BEER BARON gestures up and away from the table. THAI looks. BEER BARON swaps the goblets of beer]

Thai: What? Where? I don't see anything.

Beer Baron:Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something, maybe an record exec. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

[they drink]

Thai: You guessed wrong.

Beer Baron: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a drinking war with a midget, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a alcoholic when Pun's Showdown is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And then Thai died in the scene. I think he forfeits or something.

If I beat Prohibition, I can beat a ninja. Until then, I'll be at the end of the bar. Beer Baron 4 life, and the rest is just a blur.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

Voting for sal because he's man enough to like Erasure

[salmonjunkie]

Beer. psssh... I eat for beer for breakfast.

[salmonjunkie]

speaking of pirates...



Iocane. I bet my life on it.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Love the Princess Bride quote. Exalt.

[creepy]

Beer Baron's awesome. But Thai is awesomer. He's around more and he proved that the whole Asians not being able to drive thing is more than just a stereotype.

[salmonjunkie]

I'm an excellent driver

[Batman]

Jesus. I feel bad not voting for beerbaron, he's really putting his all into his push to get past the first round. That Princess Bride post was fucking hilarious.

But Thai has been making awesome posts for years. I can't let a few days of awesome outweigh that.

[Stu]

Thai. Because his full forename is Thaibinh. And I don't like beer.

[Beer Baron]

Jan 11, 2009 4:29:40 GMT -5 creepy said:

the whole Asians not being able to drive thing is more than just a stereotype.

Asians with cars?


Yup, nuff said. Oh you wanted more proof?

[salmonjunkie]

I've got you beat.

[Beer Baron]

In the words of "Clue": "That's how it could have happened. But how about this?"


Got Rice, bitch?


AND THE CROWD APPROVES!

Just a reminder, Thai, don't forget to keep your rice cooker full

[Beer Baron]

Anderson Cooper: "This is Anderson Cooper live in downtown Los Angeles, and I am here with one of the candidates for Poster of the Year at Pun's House. Now before we get to our featured speaker, I want to get you accustomed to the once formerly reclusive Beer Baron. He has become somewhat of a cult figure as of late. Arriving from seemingly out of no where for this contest to deliver a staggering barrage of damaging shots to his opponent's credibility, Thai Salmon Funke. No relation to Dr. Tobias Funke. As I speak, The Beer Baron is delivering his final words to this crowd that has amassed in the downtown area. People are chanting his name, drinking in the streets, it's sheer pandemonium! He is in the midst of delivering this amazing 'I Have a Beer' speech."

(camera cuts to Beer Baron on stage addressing his fans)

Beer Baron: "...so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a beer. It is a beer deeply rooted in the American domestic beers and their European brothers.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these beers to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, even Solly, but always excluding Thai."

I have a dream that my four beers left out of my sixer will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their bottle but by the their alcoholic content.

I have a beer today!
(crowd cheering, Chanting Beer Baron's name. CNN's Camera pans to the crowd.)


Anderson Cooper: "I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, we are using black and white cameras for tonight. One of the interns took the color ones home for the weekend and forgot to bring them back. My apologies, he's fired. Let's get back to this amazing speech."

Beer Baron: "And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to drink with new meaning:

My beverage 'tis of thee, sweet drink of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers drank, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let beer ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. Beer Baron must triumph over the Evil of Thai.

And so let beer flow freely from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let beer flow freely from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let beer flow freely from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let beer flow freely from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Don't forget to tap the Rockies while you're there!
(crowd cheering and laughing, drinking)

Let beer flow freely from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let beer flow freely from Stone Mountain of Georgia, the home of Jake the Snake Roberts.

Let beer flow freely from The Fortress of Solitude in the snow capped Arctic.

From every mountainside, let the beer flow freely.

And when this happens, when we allow the beer to flow freely, when we let it pour into a frosty mug from every bar and every tavern, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's drinkers, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, but never Thai, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual. Yes, even I know one of these, and I am that damn cool:

Free beer at last! Free beer at last!

Thank God Almighty, we have free beer at last!"
(CROWD GOES WILD! CHANTING BA-RON, BA-RON! DOWN WITH THAI! I HATE PAD-THAI! WE LOVE THIS MINI JALAPENOS THOUGH!)



Anderson Cooper: "Amazing. Simply amazing. Never in my years as a journalist, no, a human being, have I ever heard such words. This man, this Beer Baron is an amazing specimen. He is a breath of fresh air, and heaven sent. If God hadn't already sent Jesus, I would have thought that the Beer Baron was here to do Jesus' job. The celebration is just the beginning, Beer Baron wants to win it all. Who knows, as I look at the polls, there is still time to make right where so many have already chosen wrong. Do your country a favor, stop Thai in his tracks. This is Anderson Cooper signing off. You stay Classy, America, stay classy."



Paid for by Beer Baron for Poster of the Year, a subsidiary of Globex Corporation, and viewers like you.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Ho. Lee. Shit.

[Demko]

Jan 11, 2009 23:48:49 GMT -5 Beer Baron said:

If God hadn't already sent Jesus, I would have thought that the Beer Baron was here to do Jesus' job.

What job is that? Turning water into funk?

[creepy]

Jan 11, 2009 15:15:00 GMT -5 Stu said:

Thai. Because his full forename is Thaibinh. And I don't like beer.

You don't like pizza or beer? Scottish people are weird.



And beer baron, that was awesome. Post more.

[salmonjunkie]

Ah poor Baron. All this effort for naught. You see, this is the showdown for Poster of the Year. You might have won if it was Poster of the Day, or even Poster of the Weekend. But from January 1st, 2008 to December 31st, 2008, I was clearly the better poster.

[Stu]

Jan 12, 2009 3:58:06 GMT -5 creepy said:

Jan 11, 2009 15:15:00 GMT -5 Stu said:

Thai. Because his full forename is Thaibinh. And I don't like beer.

You don't like pizza or beer? Scottish people are weird.

I drink Whiskey! So hawd yer weesht, bawbag!

[Habs]

Jan 12, 2009 4:10:09 GMT -5 salmonjunkie said:

Ah poor Baron. All this effort for naught. You see, this is the showdown for Poster of the Year. You might have won if it was Poster of the Day, or even Poster of the Weekend. But from January 1st, 2008 to December 31st, 2008, I was clearly the better poster.

Now Thai, you've got my vote, but still I'm tempted to ask you to back those words up. You were the better poster, prove it.

(I just want this thing to go on and on)

[Deadly]

The Baron gets an exalt for the quality posts the last few days, but Thai gets my vote.