[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Longneck, Delaware

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. BAD

Triple Threat Beat the Clock Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Eric O'Mac vs. Bunny vs. Outback Jack

Grudge Match With Stips![/u]*
Chris Cole vs. Moosehead Jack

Street Fight[/u]
LD Williams vs. Donovan Viper

Alexander Darling & Firewoman vs. F. Fonzworth MacCappington III & Ecosystem
The Midnight Sons vs. IHOP
The Heels vs. Blitz & Voltage
The Nerve Agent vs. Ryan Hardcore
The Dead vs. Firechild
Davin Moreland vs. Capellan

*if Cole wins, Moose dresses up in a diaper and carries a bottle for a month, if Moose wins he gets a cage match against GM the Rick

Card subject to poltergeist activity

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland, Phantos and Lucios are all chatting with each other carrying their bags about to leave the arena when GM the Rick stops them*

GMtR: Where are you going?

DM: We're...leaving? You know. Delaware? Next week's Mayhem?

GMtR: I need you here. We've got stuff to go over.

DM: You guys go ahead, I'll catch up...

*Phantos and Lucios head to the parking lot*

DM: Rick, I'll be honest. I'm getting a little tired of this "have to do" bullshit. I'm your assistant, but I'm not your bitch. You ran into a situation with Moose? YOU need to take care of it. I can't do that for you. Everything else is caught up, and can stand to be left for a couple days. In the meantime; I'm goin' out with my boys and we're gonna have a grand old time.

GMtR: Davin, listen. I appreciate your help, but when I need you...I need you.

DM: You don't need me right now. Talk to Moose. Reason with him. That's not something I can do for you anyway. I'll see you in a couple days.

GMtR: We're talking about this when you get back. This is starting to sandify my vagina.

DM: Fine.

*Davin leaves and joins Phantos and Lucios at the Dunkin' Donuts Limousine*

DM: Guys. I had a brainstorm. We're not that far from Harrisonburg...

P: Shelly?

L: Kelly?

P: Pizza Hut?

DM: Yup. And Cori. Whaddya say?

L: Let's do this partner.

*They all pile into the limo*

*fade*

[Chris Eco]

(Ecosystem is hanging out with Roy Hibbert of the Georgetown basketball team.)



(Eco was the first one)

Eco: Roy, how do you do it, man?

Roy: Pursue a legitimate college degree while not losing my focus on basketball?

Eco: No. I mean, yes, but like...how do you keep going after you lose a couple games?

Roy: Little buddy, do you have a problem?

Eco: Well, yeah, it's just...I lost my partner a few weeks ago. It would be like if you lost Jonathan Wallace. I just don't know how to play without the guy.

Roy: (sits down, yet is still about as tall as Eco standing) Y'know man, I get what you're saying. Sometimes when you lose a key player in the lineup, you start to go on a losing streak. But you can't treat it like a streak. Every loss is just an aberration, because you know how great you are.

Eco: Did you just use the word aberration?

Roy: Yeah.

Eco: In a sentence?

Roy: Dude, I go to Georgetown. I'm not like, Allen Iverson or something.

Eco: Point taken.

Roy: Anyway, who are you facing this week?

Eco: Well, I'm actually tagging with a rich white guy against a shifty guy with a hot sister and a hot girl who is not his sister.

Roy: ...You're wrestling a girl? How you gon' lose to a girl?

Eco: Maybe because WE'RE NOT ALL SEVEN FEET TALL!

Roy: Right. Sorry about that, little buddy.

Eco: Will you stop calling me little buddy? I'm a lot older than you.

Roy: I judge age by the ability to make hook shots.

Eco: ...Well, I judge age by Asianness.

Roy: Eh?

Eco: OH! PWNED!

Roy: You are not older than me. I distinctly heard a "P" in that "owned".

Eco: Um...LOOK ROY! UMBC is here to prematurely surrender!

Roy: Where?

(Roy turns around and Eco dashes off with his basketball.)

Roy: Yo! Yo, give me that back! I need to practice for those guys...well, no I don't...but I need to practice for Gonzaga or Davidson second round!

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Outback Jack and Wally B. King are talking in the Destroyitarium*


OBJ: Well, Stank seems to be losing it maybe, The Rick, and Bennett are still going at it, but on the bright side, the Midnight Sons seem really focussed.

WBK: Right, well, I've been busy lately....wait a sec... *Wally answers his cell phone* Sorry, Governor...yes, I know it's been an hour...I've got another girl on the way...nothing personal, mate, but don't you ever have some work to do?...sorry, stupid question...right...I'll try to send the twins over right away.

OBJ: Kind of makes you nostalgic for the days when a governor only needed his wife and a limo driver to get the job done, doesn't it, Wally?

WBK: No profit in that for me, mate. Anyways, I've been busy, what with my second biggest customer becoming Governor of New York.

OBJ: Second biggest?

WBK: Well, the US Navy does have him outnumbered. Anyways, I did manage to find some things about Bennett.

OBJ: Well, that could come in handy. He doesn't seem like the type who would want his name in the tabloids.

[Fire-Babe]

[OOC: Dammit, this needs to be in Current Wrestling. That's where I keep looking! And yeah, this card has "Firewoman Beatdown" written all over it....]

Alexis and Alexander Darling are returning to the DEA suites to get ready to leave for the next town. They enter the main room to find it in a state of... well, disaster. Nothing appears to be broken, but furniture is flipped over. As they survey the damage, they notice that, why yes, something indeed is broken, and that would be the sign that says "Darling Enterprises Agency."

Alexis: [sarcastically] Gee, I wonder how that happened.

Alexander: [surveying the scene] I know how it better not have happened. This is starting to wear pretty thin.

Alexis: At least it doesn't look like it'll cost too much.

Lucky comes timidly out from another room, looking around to see who is there.

L: I had nothing to do with this.

AD: I would guess it was your employer.

L: Yes, it was. But don't tell her I told you.

Alexis: As if we needed you to. [Holding the sign's two pieces in each hand, as the little bits of it fall to the floor.] Alexander, I know you said you could handle her, but really, this is ... well, I don't know what could have precipitated this.

L: Um, I might....

AD: Okay, spill it.

L: Well, she said something about you and MacCappington seeming awfully chummy, what with all the nodding before the match and then after he cheated to beat her again, you just nodded at him.

Alexis: Wait...she said "chummy?"

L: Maybe. It's not a direct quote. There was more swearing.

AD: Where is she now?

L: Her locker room. But I don't know that I'd go in there if I were you....

AD: Well, you aren't me. Lexie, you better come too.

Alexis: Oh no.... she barely tolerates me on a good day.

AD: ..... please?

Alexis: Fine.

[Mikey]

[Johnny Adrenaline is sitting in a folding chair in the back of the arena, staring out into nothing. Attitude Adjuster walks up and sees him.]

AA: Johnny? ... You there?

JA: [emotionless] Yeah.

AA: C'mon, let's go grab a sandwich or something. Let's get out of this hellhole.

JA: Ya know, we really need to get the ball rolling.

AA: No kidding, I'm hungry.

JA: This piddling around with title shots and whatnot... what kind of crap is that?

AA: I feel ya. But can we talk about this later? I'm hungry.

JA: Let's go find some grub. I'm gonna make a phone call.

[Johnny pulls out his phone as The Heels begin to walk off.]

AA: What are you doing?

JA: Multitasking.

[AA shrugs his shoulders an he and Johnny leave]

[National Champion Chris Cole]

"The Main Event" Chris Cole is in GM The Rick's Office.

CC: Rick, you don't have to sanction the match stips for my match if you don't want to. I know you've had trouble accepting my help and if you don't feel like I can win then I don't want to put you in a bad situation. A cage match with Jack would be brutal.

GMtR: I remember you asking for a Barbed Wire Steel Cage Match against me two years ago.

CC: And Moose thinks he's more brutal then me?

GMtR: You've shown your worth over the past few months. I'm starting to think people can change. And besides, I believe in you. You won the OOWF Invitational. You are the number one contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight Title. And you were the longest reigning OOWF Champion. You are "The Main Event". You are going to beat Moosehead Jack.

CC: And then we will see him in a diaper for a month.

GMtR: I'll need more whiskey to get that image out of my head.

[Andy]

in the fortress of snobbery

DV- So what was that about? Are we siding with Rick?

FFM- Well, what are our options? Should I have just stood by and let the man get assaulted?

DV- You lost your title and if it weren't for Moose's arrogance, you wouldn't have got it back. We can't take risks like that. How come you didn't discuss it with us? I'm not sure I want to take Rick's side in this whole thing. He's been nothing but a thorn in my side. And he hasn't been your best friend either.

FFM- Yeah, but he has AIDS. I couldn't let him be injured.

DV- He has AIDS?!

FFM- Yeah, or I assume he does. WHy else would he let his website expire?

DV- Good point.

Eco- Hey...so...are you my tag team partner for good now? You kinda threw mine in the boo box.

FFM- I don't think this is permanent, but we're gonna kick some ass. Those bastards from the DEA are going down. DOWN I SAY!

DV- Weren't you exchanging glances with him at Mayhem?

FFM- No. I don't think so.

DV- You sure?

FFM- Yeah.

RH- Hey! I can almost reach!

Eco- Are you trying to suck your own penis again?

RH- Yeah...so?

[Concrete TG]

(Scene opens in a dark alley, where a man in a dark gray trenchcoat, dark gray hat and sunglasses slinks in. He looks around to make sure no one's there before pulling out his cellphone, typing a couple of numbers and putting the phone to his ear. He continues to look around as some NINJA CAMERA MAGIC splits the screen, catching Concrete sitting in his hotel room)

CTG: This is Gryfon

??: Takaken? I wouldn't call you if this wasn't important.....

CTG: who is this?

??: let's just say a friend... someone who fears that the OOWF is degenerating into absolute chaos, and may well swallow our beloved General Manager with it.

CTG: (Looks at his phone, then peeks over the screen split) oh.... (sits back down) Glaw, you know that contacting me violates the terms of your suspension.

Glaw: It hasn't been a year yet, but this is very important. The balance of power in this company is skewed even more so than it was when you left.

CTG: I'm aware of Bennett and of Creech usurping your position. Why arent' you fighting this?

Glaw: I must pick my battles carefully. They're going to have a match this coming week that endangers our GM

CTG: how?

Glaw: If Moosehead Jack defeats Chris Cole, Jack will get to face our General Manager in a cage.

CTG: but if Cole wins....

Glaw: Moose must wear a diaper can carry a bottle around for a month.

CTG: (smirks) that's not long enough. Jack should do that for several months.

Glaw: I am confident in Cole's abilities, yet-

???: who ya talkin to, Glaw?

Glaw: !! (hangs up the phone and the split screen slides back to just the refs) No one in particular.

Creech: Of COURSE not! You were just leaking story ideas Up North so they can put on a better show, right?

Glaw: I was doing no such thing

CTG: (slides his half of the split screen into the picture) they wouldn't use our ideas anyway

Glaw: QUIET!

Creech: A-HA! (pushes the screen split away) you aren't allowed to call him for ANYTHING, Glaw, you know that

Glaw: he is no longer contracted with OOWF so that portion of my suspension is irrelevant

Creech: ah, but leaking secrets to another league IS illegal.... I should fine you a couple thousand dollars for that, but I got a better idea. I should make YOU ref Cole/Moosehead Jack just so you could could Cole's shoulders to the mat

Glaw: (Fumes) Moosehead Jack does not deserve my even hand in the ring

CTG: (tries to slide in again) Glaw, remember the last time

Glaw: QUIET! (slams the split screen shut and glares at Creech)

Creech: This match is too important and a SENIOR referee should handle that. That ok with you?

Glaw: ......

Creech: right. Now get back inside.

(the two walk off)

CTG: (peeking in with his split screen) Can I use this to drop in again?

(the invisible ninja cameraman scrolls CTG off the left hand side of the screen)

CTG: Hey~!!

(fade)

[wld]

**Viper arrives outside the L.O.A.D.E.D. locker room and finds L.D. Williams waiting for him.”

LD: “I hate you.”

V: “So?”

LD: “You went way too far this time Donnie.”

V: “What the hell are you talking about?”

LD: “You called my mother.”

V: “I did not.”

LD: “Yeah, you did – you called her and you told her about the OOWF movie.”

V: “Why would I -”

LD: “You told her that Billy Dee Williams was going to play me.”

V: “You’re out of your - ”

LD: “She called me, Donnie! She told me she wanted to meet Billy Dee. That she could help him with research for the role.”

V: “-“

LD: “And then she explained, IN EXPLICIT DETAIL, what she meant by ‘research’.”

V: “-“

LD: “I’m never going to sleep again, Donnie.”

V: “Your Ma does have some rather, acrobatic ideas.”

**Viper darts into the locker room and slams the door before Williams can react.”

<fade>

[Jack Quinn]

<Moosehead Jack is walking through the halls when he stopped by SFJ13>

SFJ13: Moose you have agreed to a pretty humiliating stipulation should you lose your match to Chris Cole this week, are you prepared to wear a diaper and carry a baby bottle should you lose the match?

MHJ: That's just it, I agreed to those stipulations because I have complete faith that I can and will beat Chris Cole. Now some may think that this is me underestimating "The Main Event" not so. <looking directly into the camera> Cole I know you, I know what you are capable of. When your mind is in the game you are among the very best in the world. You held the OOWF World Heavyweight Title for over 200 days, a feat that is remarkable to even those who despise you. Cole I know you, I know you were the driving force behind 3Piece Set, one of the most feared stables in wrestling history. Cole I am not underestimating you. I know if I let my concentration lapse for just one second I can lose the match, and face the greatest humiliation of my career.

Cole, I know you understand how I feel. I want you to think back, think back to last summer when you were involved in a feud with Davin Moreland and GM the Rick. I want you to recall the humiliation and embarrassment when week after week, GM the Rick made your life miserable. When week after week you lost to Davin Moreland, a man you still believe you are better than. I want you to remember the humiliation you felt when you finally snapped and walked out that door with Seraph. I want you to have all those emotions in your head. And now I want to tell you, there is no way in hell I will allow that to happen to me.

You see Cole, I refuse to let GM the Rick get the better of me. I refuse to walk away from the OOWF. Rick thought that because he got away with that with you, he can do that to anyone. Rick, you blame me for Crete leaving? No, I don't think so. You think you can break me? No, I don't think so. You think having the entire OOWF Job Squad come to the ring and beat me down is going to make me give up and apologize to you? No, I don't think so.

Cole, this week it ends. This week I take the final step to gain revenge. I will bring all that rage to the ring, all the things that Rick has felt he could do to me, because he already did it to you. Cole, the very fact that you are fighting FOR the man that humiliated you makes my job all the more rewarding. This week, at Midweek Mayhem, I will defeat you. I will embarrass you in ways that Rick never could. And when it is all said and done, whether you believe it now or not, you will thank me. Thank me for taking the stand that you were too much of a coward to take.

And Rick, after I beat Cole, it is going to be you and me inside a steel cage. And then, Rick, all your shit will be repaid, repaid with your blood. Rick I have faced some of the best, the toughest, the most psychopathic men in wrestling in matches that made people cringe at the sheer brutality. Barbed wire matches, Taipei death matches, razor wire matches, weapons matches, all of them, I have been through hell and back, and I have come out of that victorious. Bloody, and beaten, but victorious. Rick, I live for the screams of pain of my opponents, I live for the feel of their blood on my hands, I live for the moment in the match when I can feel my opponents will break, and I know that I can end the match, or their career, at any time I choose.

Rick, knowing all that, I want you to ask yourself this question:

What the hell kind of chance do you have?

Rick, this is all your doing. Your hubris forced you to push someone who wouldn't be pushed. Now, you will get what you deserve. And there's not a damn thing you, or Cole, can do about it.

Trust me

[blownspot]

The ring is set up with a makeshift bar and three stools. The lights dim then flicker, PYRO! and out comes the OOWF World Champion to his theme music and a loud POP from the crowd. Stank walks down the ramp, toward the ring, with his title belt over his non injured shoulder and his heavily taped arm in a sling on the other heavily taped shoulder. He climbs through the ropes and heads over to the bar. Stank sets his World Title down on the bar and the bartender pours him a beer. Stank gulps the beer down, grabs a mic, and addresses the crowd.

Stank - Welcome to the very first edition of Stank's Pub!

Crowd cheers!

Stank - I'm your host... your OOWF World Heavyweight Champion, Stank. And the first thing I want to say is... Drinks are on the house everybody!

Crowd goes berserk as attendants walk down the steps of the arena, carrying trays of free drinks!

Stank - That's right fellas, hand out those drinks... make sure the kids get the non-alcoholic ones. Bennett will pick up the tab... he probably doesn't know that, yet... but I'm sure he'll come through.

Crowd continues to cheer as drinks are served. They start to chant Stank's name. STANK! STANK! STANK! STANK! followed by "THIS IS AWESOME! *CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP*

Stank - Mercy, you guys are a bunch of alcoholics...Ok, Ok, settle down now. Settle down. While you're being served I will like to bring out my first guest. He holds the longest cumulative time as a champion in the OOWF... he's just never been World Champion. He's arguably the toughest son of a bitch in this Fed. He's the only guy around here Moosehead Jack says he truly, all around, respects and he damn near broke my arm last night, his second attempt to do so... anyway... Ladies, and Gentlemen, boys, girls... the one, the only... LD Williams.

LDW's music fires up and out he walks to the ring, to a mixed reaction from the crowd. LD touches his bandaged forehead as he walks through the ropes and stares at the champ. Stank stands, takes a swig from his freshly poured beer, grabs another filled mug and offers it to LD Williams. Williams is hesitant at first, but eventually accepts. He walks over, takes the mug, and starts drinking the beer. Stank hands him a mic.

Stank - Have a seat, man. Take a load off. Welcome to my pub.

LDW - Thanks.

Stank - How's your head?

LDW - Fine. Never better. How is your arm?

Stank - It'll heal. I thought maybe you had managed to tear some tendons, but they're just pulled. I'll be good to go in another week or so.

LDW - You know it's only a matter of time.

Stank - What's that?

LDW - It's only a matter of time before I beat you for that title... I had you.

Stank - Maybe... maybe not. We'll never know now will we... thanks to my next guest. He's inexplicably a former OOWF World Champion and a colossal prick, despite not having one. An all around douche bag. A tattooed freak and rumored to be *POP!* OW!... I WAS GOING TO SAY GAY!! *POP!* OW!... Ladies and Gentlemen... May I introduce to you... LD Williams next opponent... Donovan, Ulysses, Montavious, Barabbas, Aristopheles, Sephiroth, Sam... Viper!

Viper's music fires up and he steps out to the top of the ramp with the rest of L.O.A.D.E.D. He poses and makes his way to the ring alone as the others return to the back. An attendant with a tray of drinks is down by the retaining wall, serving the crowd. Viper jogs over and snatches a drink off the tray, scowls and dumps the drink out into the crowd. This elicits boos, which Viper soaks in. He continues down the ramp and climbs through the ropes making sure to steer clear of Stank and Williams at the bar. Stank grabs a mic from behind the bar, walks slowly over to Viper and hands it to him. Viper takes it.

Viper - D.U.M.B.A.S.S. that's cute... First of all I do-

Stank - Shut the fuck up Donnie!

Crowd cheers

Stank - This is my show and you don't speak until spoken to.

Viper doesn't exactly embrace this edict and responds by saying...

Viper - How's the wing big bird?

Stank - You're the reason my arm is in a sling. After Williams softened it up for you...

Viper - I couldn't resist.

Stank - Is THAT why you interrupted our match? Your lack of self control?

Viper - You should be THANKING me! You were about to tap!

Stank - I was not! I'd die before I tap out to anyone!

Viper - Well then you owe me your miserable LIFE!

Stank's eyes fill with rage.

Stank- Normally, you and I in a ring... would see me beating your ass...

Crowd cheers.

Stank - ... but there will be plenty of time for that later. Right now you're my guest. Take advantage of my civility while it lasts.

DV - Well you see Stank, the problem with THAT is... I'm not civil.

Crowd starts to buzz sensing violence in the air... or is that just the beer? Stank slowly lowers his mic. Viper does the same. The two tremble with barely contained rage, when Williams walks over.

LDW - Hold it! Hold it! Wait just a damn minute Stank! You and I...? Our issues are still unresolved and I refuse to get marginalized in this love affair you got going with Viper! You and I...? Our issues predate the crap between you two. It seems like every time I come close to BEATING you for the title... THIS asshole sticks his nose in it. Now Viper my issues with Stank have become issues with YOU! You've cost me the World Title for the LAST time! At Mayhem...

DV - NO! NO! It is YOU who has cost ME the World Championship for the LAST time, jerkweed!

Viper and Williams go nose to nose.

LDW - I'm going to HURT you Viper! ... DON'T YOU EVER CALL my MOTHER again!

Viper - Oh, JUST CHILL and have a Colt 45 on me, Billy Dee!

Ignition, BLAST OFF! Viper and Williams start to brawl as Stank steps out the way. Stank meanders back over to the bar and casually finishes off his beer. Viper catches sight of this and he no likey. He dislodges himself from Williams and charges at Stank. Stank walks two steps to meet Viper, lowers himself, and delivers a HUGE one handed, high back body drop to Viper, who flies through the air and lands SMASHING into the makeshift bar set! Williams charges over to Stank, but spots the glass mug Stank is still wielding like a weapon and stops himself short, rolling outside the ring and backing up ramp slowly, pointing to Stank and making the universal "I want the belt" sign. Stank walks over to Viper, helps him up with his good arm, grabs him by the back of his head and runs him up to the ropes, tossing him over the top and onto the unforgiving floor below. Viper rolls on the floor mat up to the steel ramp. He grabs the back of his head and points at Stank screaming obscenities. He spots Williams sneaking up behind him at the last second and they BRAWL up the ramp to the back. The crowd has been cheering this whole time and continue to do so as Stank's music fires up and he raises his title high to the loud pop of the drunken crowd.

*Camera fades*

[Deadly]

[The Dead and Moosehead Jack are sitting in The Dead's locker room.]

MHJ: What happened to you this week? You could have had the title.

Dead: Well, at least you had it there for a minute...

MHJ: Yeah.

Dead: And you shot the bastard.

MHJ: HA! You're right. But why'd you go out of your way to help Firewoman when you could have been champion?

Dead: That's simple. The Dead wanted to show Firewoman that the people on Bennett's side take care of one another. Not like that incestuous little brat Darling. It looked like he had some sort of arrangement with Fonzie.

MHJ: Well, inbreeding does tend to make you a little, uhh, "off"...

Dead: No shit. Anyway, The Dead hopes Firewoman got the message. There are people on Bennett's side that will look out for her, unlike those Darling kids.

MHJ: Well said.

[Moosehead Jack gets up to leave before he remembers to ask one more thing.]

MHJ: Oh, any news on El Muerte?

Dead: The Dead talked to him yesterday. He should be here soon. The Dead will let you know when he arrives.

MHJ: Perfect. Oh, and just so I don't go and do something crazy like attack him with thumbtacks and barbed-wire, what does the guy look like?

Dead: The Dead thinks you'll know when you see him. He wears a mask and is a little outlandish. In fact, here's a picture, just to make sure.



MHJ: Looks like my kind of guy.

[Fade.]

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose is sitting in his locker room sharpening the barbs on his barbed wire bat when there is a knock on the door>

MHJ: Come in

<an OOWF attendant comes in carrying the official OOWF cell phone>

OA: Phone call for you

<Moose takes the phone and glares at the attendant until he leaves>

MHJ: Yeah?........Yes I know it would be easier, but I don't want one and I don't need one........no I am not......no.....no......no......no......look what the fuck did you want anyway? And did you tell them who you were?...........good, with all that is going on, there is no reason for us to be seen talking, it would just make things awkward for both of us. So what did you want..........right........yeah..........look I know he is a pain in the ass but..........in time..........no, not right now, give him a little more rope..........yeah I know, its coming..........by that point, I don't think anyone will give a fuck, for the greater good, right?..........yeah I know, just hold off a bit, for right now...........yeah ok, when the time comes..........ok later..........trust me..............and no, I will not get one, I don't fucking need one......no.......no.......no........no........fuck you I'm hanging up!

<Moose closes the official OOWF cell Phone and sits and thinks for a minute, then gets up, whips the door open and the OOWF Assistant almost falls over, Moose glares at him for a minute>

OA: I WASN'T LISTENING!!!

<Moose smacks him in the head with the cell phone and sends him on his way>

[Tommy]

*Run DLP is WALKING~! toward the DLP Locker Room. Davin Moreland snaps his Sprint PCS Phone shut.*

P: Who was that?

DM: Oh, conference call with the board. Looks like we may be getting another sponsors in the next couple weeks.

L: Cool! Who?

DM: Well, I can't say *points to the ninja cameraman and his ninja boom mic* out loud but...Phantos will like it.

P: YES! Finally *I* get one.

DM: Looks that way.

*they enter the Run DLP Locker Room, presented by Aquafina*

DM: All right guys, you go on ahead. I suppose I should cut a promo.

L: Good luck with that. It's been a rough couple of weeks for you in the ring.

DM: I know. Hey, wanna be my plot device for the promo?

L: Plot device? What do I have to do?

DM: Pretty much stand there and say "Davin, what are your thoughts on your upcoming match with Capellan?"

L: Davin, what are your thoughts on your upcoming match with Capellan?

DM: SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE!

L: You've gotta be kidding me.

DM: What? Face/Face matchup with two awesome mat wrestlers. Of course, one of us has been a Champion, and one of us has had a million world title shots and never won, so I think this match will go a long way in determining the Intercontinental and World Heavyweight divisions in the near future. Plus it's a good way to show Capellan first hand the kind of talent we have with Rick.

L: Is that it?

DM: Pretty much. Good job. I've gotta go see Rick. I'll catch you guys later.

*Davin leaves and goes down the hallway. From the other hallway, Alexis Darling is also headed in the same direction, and they meet in the same hallway*

DM: Hey, Lexie.

AD: Hi, Davin. Are you going in to see Rick?

DM: I am.

AD: Well, can you tell him how grateful we are to be doing business with him. My brother and I think this will help everyone concerned.

DM: Sure. I'll pass that one. It's bullshit, but I'll pass it on if you want.

AD: *feigns shock* I'll have you know that we have every intention...

DM: Lexie, please. If Rick wants to be Sting, that's his business. I know and Alexander knows that he has no intention of living up to his end of the contract. I suspect you know as well.

*Kayfabe comes out staring at Davin*

DM: What? What do you want? Go monitor a Heels promo or something.

*Kayfabe points two fingers to her eyes, and back to Davin and back to her, as if to say "I've got my eyes on you"*

DM: I suspect you know, and if by some stretch you don't, let me spell it out for you. That contract's got more holes than a meadow full of bunnies. Alexander pretty much has to do nothing and he gets every concession he asked for from Rick. Smart deal if the other side is dumb enough to sign.

AD: If it was such a bad deal, why didn't you stop him?

DM: I tried. He wouldn't listen. So, he's going to have to suffer the consequences. And if you wouldn't mind passing along to your brother that I will at no time support, enhance or assist anything he does while he's "signed on" with Rick, I would appreciate it.

AD: You know Davin, it's your job...

DM: Yeah, it's my job. My job is to help Rick topple Bennett; that's my job. And my job has somehow evolved to leading this effort, and making sure we succeed. I don't trust your brother. I have no reason to trust him. Even you can't begrudge me that.

AD: ...

DM: So, just put him on notice that signing on with Rick doesn't put Davin in his back pocket. Was there anything else you wanted me to pass along?

AD: *looking as if she'd rather be anywhere else* No.

DM: It's not personal, Lexie. It's business. You get that, right? It's the right business decision for me to take this stance. I don't know how much of this you knew about and what you didn't know about, and it really doesn't matter; you have to reconcile that with your brother. I did enjoy doing business with you though Lexie, and I hope we might be able to in the future sometime. You're professional and you know what you're doing. You don't see that all the time.

AD: Well, uh...thanks.

DM: My pleasure. Well, I'm off to see Rick. I'll talk to you.

*handshake*

*Davin goes into the GM's office*

GMtR: Where the hell have you been?

DM: Fuck off Rick. I don't need this right now.

GMtR: YOU don't need this? In case you hadn't noticed I might have a match...

DM: Rick, that's not my problem. And it won't be my problem.

GMtR: What are you saying?

DM: I'm saying if you have a match, don't expect me in your corner. You've screwed the pooch on this enough already Rick; I've tried to save this at every turn, and at every turn you either seem disinterested or clueless. So by that logic Rick, you're gonna have to do that yourself if it comes down to it.

GMtR: Well, if you don't think I'm worth it, why are you here?

DM: It's bigger than you Rick. It's bigger than all of us. Did you finish the FY-06 TPS reports?

GMtR: Yeah, just a minute ago.

DM: Ok, I'll get them in and we can start on FY-07.

*fade*

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Skurge and SYB are HOBBLING~! backstage.

Skurge: We almost fucking had it, Skurgey.
SYB: What are you talking aboot? Didn't you see Seamus go all Savage with me with that ring bell?
Skurge: Sorry Sport, I was too busy taking kendo sticks off my fucking skull, eh?
SYB: Easy there rabbi. It's nothing that a case of beer won't fix.

They stop right before they reach the locker room of The Midnight Sons.

Skurge: Well looky what we got here.
SYB: Feeling froggy?
Skurge: Abso-fuckin-lutely. Let's go announce our presence with authority.

They open the door and CRACK~! DH hits SYB in the beak with a folding chair. SYB falls down in a heap with DH throwing the chair on his lifeless body. He starts to laugh and is joined by the door by an equally giddy Spin.

Spin: Enter Skurge. We have more in store for you.
Skurge: You wanna try that shit with me? Do you know who you're fuckin with? DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE FUCKIN WITH? I'm a karate man!

Skurge starts flailing his arms and legs about, which just make DH and Spin laugh harder.

DH and Spin take turns attacking Skurge with lefts and rights.

Skurge (yelps between punches): I AM A JOO! YOU MIGHT GET ONE BUT YOU CAN'T GET US ALL... I'M GONNA GO MUNICH ON YOUR ASSES! HELP ME YAHWEH, HELP ME!

The camera pulls back as we hear a narrator softly speak in the background.

Narrator: I wish I could tell you that Skurge fought the good fight, and the Sons let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but the OOWF is no fairy-tale world...

[karmic]

D.H. Magnusson: Well.

SH: Yeah.

DHM: I mean...

SH: No clue.

DHM: But why would they...?

SH: Again, no clue.

DHM: I mean, did they really think that...

SH: Don't know.

DHM: Well, I guess it's done. Gotta say, I feel a little bad about it, though.

SH: Jesus, why?

DHM: They couldn't defend themselves. It felt dirty.

SH: You were here for the part when they tried to attack us, right? The part where they tried to SNEAK attack us?

DHM: Well, yeah....But still...

SH: ...I think I know how you feel. C'mon, I'll buy us a beer.

DHM: Later. We got the shelter to get to. And we're going to have a little company this time.

SH: Who?

DHM: You'll see when we get there. Let's shuffle.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Phantos and Davin Moreland arrive at the Longneck chapter of the Sussex County ASPCA. The exit the Dunkin’ Donuts Limousine and head over to the table set up for the OOWF Superstars. Spin Hansen is already seated, signing a few autographs for some small children. Spin spies the DLP members and Stands up quickly.

Spin: Boys, this isn’t the time nor the place for more of you’re recruiting crap.

Davin: Whoa Whoa Whoa. Easy now big fella. We’re here to support the cause today. No OOWF drama.

Phantos: And I want a puppy!

Davin… and Phantos wants a puppy.

(DH pops in and senses the tension)

DH: Phantos! Glad you’re here. Davin. Great to have you come out to support the cause.

Spin: You’re kidding.

DH: Hey, the more the merrier, right? (noticing his partner’s scowl) Hey brother, nothing underhanded is going on. They wanted to help. I couldn’t turn down a free appearance.

Davin: We brought more that just our pretty faces. (hands DH a check.) $25,000. Signed by the CEO herself.

Phantos: I’m gonna go look at the puppies.

DH: Sure thing, HEY SHANNON! We got a customer here!

(A Young lady approaches them)

YL: I told you my name isn’t Shannon. It’s Emma.

DH: This guy here would like to see some puppies.

(Phantos giggles & Emma leads him away. Davin joins DH & Spin at the autograph table and they begin to greet fans, sign autographs and take pictures.

Time Elapses

Phantos reappears with a Boxer-mixed breed puppy on a leash. Emma leads him over to the table to fill out some forms.)

Emma: Now, Mr…..What was you name again?

Phantos: Phantos: But you can call me… anytime you want.

Emma: Phantos: Now, we do need some assurances that the puppy will be well-cared for. You’re a wrestler?

Phantos: Yes

Emma: And you travel weekly?

Phantos: Yes.

Emma: How will the dog be traveling with you?

Phantos: In the Limo. Sometimes we take the Plane.

Emma: In a carrier?

Phantos: Not if I can help it.

Davin: (from across the way) That dog better not crap all over the place. I don’t want to smell Dog-crap for an entire trip.

Phantos: I can house-train him.

Emma: Even while traveling?

Phantos: YES! Please say I can keep him!

Emma: We do have to keep the best interest of the animal in mind.

DH: Shannon, This guy might be a bit on the strange side, but He’s a good egg. I’ll vouch for him (turns to Davin) So where is Lucios? I thought DLP was tight?

Davin: Lucios wasn’t in the best of moods, so we left him to watch his tape. And I don’t think Phantos getting a dog will sparkle with him.

(Firewoman walks by and POPS Davin in the mouth)

Firewoman: STOP Stealing my catchphrase.

(Firewoman leaves)

(Phantos is seen playing with the puppy. He walks it over to the autograph table)

Phantos: Isn’t he great! Wait till Luc sees him. I’m gonna get him a mask and cape too!

(DH and Davin laugh out loud)

Davin: Lucios is gonna Love that. Be sure to mention that to him.

[Chris Eco]

(Ecosystem is walking down the hall carrying a giant steel statue of a monkey when he runs into Bunny.)

Eco: Bunny!

Bunny: Hey Eco. What are you doing with that?

Eco: I'm looking to go find some bad guys to beat up with this giant steel statue of a monkey?

Bunny: Why would you be beating up bad guys?

Eco: Because I don't actually have a real job most of the week. Way to rub it in.

Bunny: No, but aren't you a bad guy?

Eco: I am?

Bunny: I think so.

Eco: Really?

Bunny: Yeah?

Eco: Are you?

Bunny: I'm pretty sure I'm a good guy.

Eco: Oh.

(Eco picks up the monkey.)

Bunny: Or maybe I'm not.

Eco: Oh. (Eco throws away the monkey.) ...Would you like a sandwich?

Bunny: I'll pass. (Bunny jogs off pretty quickly.)

(Eco storms off back to the LOADED locker room.)

Eco: MacCappington!

FFM: Yes?

Eco: Are we bad guys?

FFM: You know, what with the constant pillorying of corporate greed in the media and the demonization of even honest wealth, we can be considered bad men. But personally, I feel that--

Eco: ARE WE BOOKED AS HEELS?

FFM: That depends what you mean by booked. We are listed under the diminutive terms "heels", but we still face other "heels".

Eco: Well, that's stupid.

FFM: I prefer to think it fosters competition on all fronts.

Eco: So for example. Firewoman?

FFM: Probably a face, because she's a woman competing in a man's sport.

Eco: That's also stupid.

FFM: Well, women are always the good guys when they're against men, unless that man is Barack Obama and they're kind of nasty as it is.

Eco: Do I have any good reasons for being heel?

FFM: Asian.

Eco: Oh. I feel offended.

FFM: Well, don't make too much of a stink about it, or you'll have to start wearing a kimono to the ring.

Eco: Whatever. If you need me, I'll be eating hamburgers. With a FORK. Not with chopsticks.

(Eco leaves.)

FFM:Americans use their hands...

Eco: (calling back) I knew that!

[DevSop]

*The DEA Luxury Suite*

Alexander, Alexis and Lucky are standing around the main room all staring at Firewoman’s personal locker room within the suite. It’s been a few hours now and no one has heard a thing from her room and the rest of the group is getting worried. Alexis even had to get away for a few minutes and took a walk through the halls here at the OOWF Arena in Longneck, Delaware. A walk that resulted in a meeting with Davin Moreland that Alexis has already told her brother they need to talk about.

Lucky: Maybe I should go in and see if she needs anything.

Alexander Darling: No, she has the issue with me. I’ll go in and deal with her. This is getting a little old though. She can’t be throwing tantrums after every loss.

Alexis Darling: You still want me to come in with ya? I know she hates me for whatever reason, but we were close once.

Alexander: Thanks Lex, but let me handle this one by myself. I have an idea what she’s thinking and I need to cut it before it gets out of hand. I just don’t know what else I have to do to get to believe me.

Alexis: Maybe not pissing every single person in the company off would be a good start.

Alexander: Not now Lexie…

Alexis: Fine, but it is something we need to talk about. You can’t be so vocal about your intentions. If you keep it up we won’t have any negotiating power whatsoever.

Alexander: Fine. But later.

Alexander tentatively walks over towards Firewoman’s door and gives it a quick, low knock. There’s no response on the other side so Alex knocks a little harder and still no response. He seems to be getting a little frustrated and bangs a little harder and this time he just walks in the door.

He walks in and Firewoman’s back is to him while she’s wearing only a towel, seemingly having just gotten out of the shower. Alexander stands there in shock for a second and stumbles into the wall which finally gets Firewoman’s attention.

Firewoman: What the hell are you doing here? Get out…GET Out….GET OUT NOW!!!

Alexander stumbles out the door back into the suite,
Alexander: Sorry, sorry…just I tried knocking and…let me know when you’re decent in there.

Lucky What did you see? Ya gotta tell me, she never lets me out…I haven’t felt the touch…

Alexis: Ew, ew, ew…stop speaking right now. I really really really don’t want to hear anymore. Shouldn’t you be working on t-shirt designs or something? Go now…shoo.

Lucky walks away dejectedly as Firewoman’s locker room door open and she’s now wearing a casual pair of jeans and her best Y2J replica sparkly button-down shirt.

Firewoman: I don’t have a lot of time Alex, so why don’t you tell me a few more lies and let me get away for the weekend before you turn on me next week.

Alexander: I thought we could talk in private.

Firewoman: I don’t really care anymore. It’s obvious I’m not in your big picture, so why don’t we just end it now and save us both the time and energy of the obvious screwing I’m going to get at Mayhem.

Alexis: I thought the only screwing you would be interested in would be this weekend. I saw the construction orders for what you asked for.

Firewoman: That’s none of your business Lexie…besides I heard about you and…

Alexander: Don’t say it Fire. You don’t know anything about it, so just don’t.

Firewoman: Ya know, maybe if you kept me in the loop about things, I wouldn’t be so paranoid. Give me one reason why I should believe anything you say. I know what you’re capable of, don’t ever forget that.

Alexander: The fact that you know exactly what I’m capable of is the exact reason why you should have more faith in me Fire. Everything I’ve done since I got here has been with you in mind.

Firewoman: What are you talking about? You’ve humiliated me the last few weeks with stupid entrances, you try to tell me who I can and can not be friends with, and now it looks like you cost me a chance to win the IC belt by making a deal or something with MacCappington.

Alexander: First of all, the entrances are nothing but harmless fun. If you had a sense of humor, you’d have some fun with it while we have to go through the rest of this contract with Gwen. Secondly, I’m not saying who you can and can not be friends with, I’m just saying be careful with who you choose.

Firewoman: And what’s wrong with who I’m choosing?

Alexander: If you can’t see that certain people are just using you as a number to add to their side, I don’t know what to tell ya Fire.

Firewoman: And you’re not using me?

Alexander: No more than you’re using me.

Firewoman: You’ve got to be kidding me, right? I’m using you. How?

Alexander: Because if I wasn’t around what do you think you’d be doing right now…no, don’t answer, let me tell you. You’d be in a mind-numbingly pointless feud with IHOP or some shit with the moron in the bunny suit as your partner.

Firewoman: Are you saying I’m not good enough to move up the card cause if that’s the case, why do you even keep me around. You coulda kicked me out with Rabbxt. At least he liked me.

Alexis: You’re delusional, you know that?

Alexander: Not the time Lexie.

Firewoman: No, I wanna hear this. Go ahead Alexis.

Alexis: Fine. We got the contract offer from Rick to come here and do you wanna know the first thing I thought of…wow, it’ll be good to see Fire again. At least there’ll be someone there who knows us and can show us the ropes and what happens when we show up…you ignore us for weeks and actually make us RECRUIT you. Us recruiting you. We fucking trained together and you treated us like we were John and Jane Doe off the street.

Firewoman: Well, I had other offers.

Alexander: Yea, we know about your other offers.

Firewoman: How could you…

Alexis: Cause we’re not idiots Fire. We don’t walk into situations blind. But that doesn’t matter, because Alexander had faith in you that you’d realize what he already knew and that we were your best chance to get the opportunities you deserve.

Firewoman: Forgive me for saying, but this all sounds like a bunch of bullshit to placate me. I don’t need to be patted on the head and told to just go with the flow and do a good job. I’m better than that.

Alexander: You’re damn right you are and that’s why I wanted you with me Fire. You know me Fire, better than anyone around here except Alexis and if you don’t have faith in me that I have your back more than anyone else in this company, I don’t know what to tell ya. We weren’t close in Japan, but we knew enough and you know enough of what happened that you have to believe me when I tell ya that I’m not going to turn on you. Not this week…not this month…not ever. If you want to go, this is your chance.

Alexis: ALEX!!!

Alexander: No, if that’s what she wants, she can do it.

Firewoman: What exactly are you saying?

Alexander: It’s simple. The limo is outside waiting to take you to the airport. You’ll get on our plane and fly down to Cabo. Jericho will be meeting you as soon as he can. Relax, enjoy yourself, have a good time, but take some time and really think about what it is you want from the OOWF and from the DEA.

Firewoman: And then?

Alexander: And then come back here next week and let me know if I’m going out there by myself to face LOADED or if you want to be a part of what we’re building here. And believe me when I tell you, you’re a big part of what I want to build here.

Firewoman: Why won’t you just tell me then instead of leaving me in the dark with everything? Sometimes I feel like I’m just here to move things along and at the end of the day everyone but me has moved forward.

Alexander: You never asked.

Firewoman: I’m asking now…

Lucky enters the suite with a stack of catalogues and a Bluetooth headset attached to his ear.

Lucky: Yea, I just got back. I’ll let them know. Fine. Don’t be so pushy. Ugh. Yes, get me the eQa and the BABIP for everyone…I gotta go. They’re all looking at me. No. Bye.

Everyone in the room is just staring at Lucky like he’s criminally insane.

Lucky: Right, why is everyone staring at me? Anyway, Ms. Woman, the driver for the limo is here and your bags are already packed and out there. He’s just waiting on you to get to the airport.

Firewoman: Tell him it’ll be a few minutes.

Alexis: Actually, it’s got to be now if it’s going to happen at all. I promised Hayden she could get a flight back from Spring Break tonight so you need to get to Cabo tonight.

Firewoman: But we’re not done here. I asked you a question Alexander.

Alexander: And I told you Fire. Go away this weekend, have fun…if you’re in for the long haul, I’ll tell you everything. Lay all the cards out on the table and all that. But make sure it is what you want. I know I want you to stay with us. And I know Alexis feels the same.

Firewoman looks at Alexander and then at Alexis to try and see if he’s telling the truth.

Alexis: I guess.

Firewoman: Feel the love Lexie. Really.

Alexis: What do you want me to say, Fire? You’ve treated me like shit since I got here and I still don’t really know why. I don’t really care anymore either. For me, keeping you around is good for business; for Alex, it’s more personal as he actually likes you for some reason. So, do what you want…I’m tired of fighting with both of you about it. If you’re too stupid to realize that the people in this room are looking out for you more than the pieces of garbage that are whispering in your ear, then that’s on you. But remember this, and it’s not a threat, it’s not a warning or anything like that, but if you’re not with us, you can most definitely be against us. Now forgive me, I have to go take care of some personal business.

Alexis picks up her bags and grabs Lucky by the arm telling him that he was coming with her.

Firewoman: I…umm…I really.

Alexander: Yea, I know. She gets like that sometimes still where you can still see the old, stubborn, take-no-prisoners Alexis…but since Poe it’s few and far between. She’s actually fucking petrified right now, but won’t let anyone see it.

Firewoman: Petrified about what?

Alexander: You’ve seen the touring schedule, haven’t you? We got a few weeks in the Far East and 1 show in Japan.

Firewoman: Can’t she get out of it? Hell, I wouldn’t go if I knew it wouldn’t be used to push me down the card.

Alexander: Don’t tell her, but I’ve tried. It’s probably one of the few things Rick and Bennett agree on. Everyone with a contract has to go and even if she doesn’t have a wrestler’s contract, she still has one and its mandatory.

Firewoman: That sucks…maybe I should cool off with her for a while then. Hell, I don’t know what to do. You’re saying the right things, but it’s a lot to take on faith Alex. You’ve got to see my side.

Alexander: I do and that’s why I’m giving you some time to think about it. Look, go on your vacation. You deserve it. Have some fun. Maybe Chris will have some input for ya. Come back next week with your decision and don’t pay attention to being against us. I’ll try not to take it personally if you decide that you’ve had enough of us…but if you do decide to stay, I think I’ll have some good news for ya. Now get going before Alexis sends the plane without you.

Firewoman: She wouldn’t.

Alexander just gives her a look…

Okay, so she would. I’m going…but she took my assistant. What if I need him this weekend?

Alexander: Don’t worry. The house is fully staffed with some old friends…I think it was Johnny, Nicky, Mitch, and Mikey.

Firewoman: I thought we agreed on no more games.

Alexander: We did and that’s why they’re in Cabo. I hired 'em for a month and I wasn’t gonna pay ‘em to do nothing.

Firewoman: I guess that’s okay then. But where’s Kenny. I always liked him.

Alexander: He lost his costume or something. I think he mentioned someone named JIM stealing it for a WrestleMania party. Scared me a little; what self-respecting man would ever dress up like a cheerleader. He must have serious psychological issues.

Firewoman: May I?

Alexander: Go right ahead.

Firewoman: BOOYAH, Seamus!

Alexander: That was good. No get out of here. And try to have a little more faith in me. I told you before, you’re like family to me.

Firewoman just looks at him for a moment before heading into her room to grab the last of her stuff for the trip.

Firewoman: A present for you.

Firewoman tosses Alexander a crumpled mess of red fabric. Alexander picks it up and finds the Phillies shirt in hundreds of little pieces. He goes to say thanks to Fire, but she’s already out of the suite and on her way to the limo.

Alexander’s smile goes from normal to evil and sinister in a second as he whispers, “Perfect.”

*Fade to black*

[Jack Quinn]

<Fire takes a nice relaxing flight from Delaware to Cabo, she spends most of the time looking out the window and reflecting on her OOWF future. She lands and gets a limo to the palatial beach house, has the servants take her bags and immediately heads out into the cool Cabo night to sit on the beach under the full moon.

After a few minutes of tranquility one of the servants brings her a drink and a box. Fire takes the box and opens it, and we see a brand new Phillies Jimmy Rollins home jersey. Inside is another box, Fire opens it carefully, expecting a trick, and sees it is filled with assorted chocolates from all over the world. Fire suppresses a squeal of joy and dismisses the servant, probably Mikey.

Fire looks in the box again and sees a note:

I watch OOWFtv too, no hard feelings. We'll talk eventually.

<Fire considers the note for a minute, then leans back on the lounge chair and picks at her chocolates and waits for Jericho to arrive>

[Fire-Babe]

Exterior shot of a beach house in Cabo (really?). Firewoman and Jericho are LOUNGING~! in the hot tub, sipping beverages and watching the night. Jericho assumes his role as Plot Device.

J: Think they’ll be mad?

FW: Who?

J: What did you call them? The Glimmer Twins?

FW: Oh… nah. Well, Alexis, maybe. But I think she gets mad if the sun rises.

J: That’s amusing, coming from you.

FW: She was the one who canceled the contractors in the first place, so she only has herself to blame.

J: And Alexander?

FW: He’s fine with it. Weird, he doesn’t seem to care about the money stuff that much. Unless his accountant gets on their case, or Alexis won’t stop harping about it. Hey, weren’t you in a feud with their accountant for like a minute?

J: Yeah, I thought I was.

FW: Well, regardless, it’ll be fine. DEA has more money than God.

J: So, I saw the line up for Midweek Mayhem. Not sure if I can watch it.

FW: Why not?

J: Because I don’t like that connection I think we both saw between Darling and MacCappington. And I think maybe Darling feels the need to reign in your independence. He’s really paranoid about the Dead, Seamus…oh nice revisionist history about that by the way….

FW: Hey, it happened just like that!

J: Uh-huh. Not to mention, whoever it is that keeps sending you Phillies jerseys and chocolates have to be driving him crazy.

FW: Yeah, I don’t know what that’s all about. I don’t even like baseball. At least it’s not a Flyers jersey…..iew.

J: If you're heading for a beatdown, I won't be able to watch it and then just sit there and do nothing. I know I’m not supposed to step in, and I’m not supposed to tell you how to conduct business, but I don’t think you should trust DEA at all. I know Darling’s reputation from Japan, and I think you should get out now before something happens.

FW: Oh, what could happen that hasn’t happened already in my career? Alexis is a pain, but I can handle her, as I’ve demonstrated many times before. Alexander is all show for the management.

J: But if I could just look over that contract you signed, I think…

FW: Enough. Really. Don’t start.

J: [sighs] Fine.

FW: Really, I don’t need your help. Look, I’m suspicious as hell, but since we joined OOWF, Darling has given me no reason to doubt him. I think he got that reputation in Japan because of the situation, not because he’s the root of all evil.

Sips her whiskey

Besides, OOWF is going to Japan in a few weeks, and there’s no way I’m going over there unallied.

J: Well, I can understand that. I’m surprised Rick would make you go at all.

FW: Well, he hasn’t exactly given me a choice, yet. He’s been really hard to reach lately. But even if he did, I’d still go. The fans love me there, or they did anyway, and I can’t let people think they won by scaring me off. Besides, Alexis is going…

J: Really? Now THAT surprises me…

FW: … and it’ll be fun to watch that trainwreck.

J: You are evil.

FW: Yes. Yes I am. But you like that.

J: True. So…..

FW: So?

J: So I guess you’ve made up your mind about Darling’s ultimatum.

FW: Hm. I guess I have.

J: No way I can talk you out of it?

FW: Has there ever been?

J: [laughs] Ha! Not that I’m aware of.

FW: Look, I’m not one-hundred percent certain he’s being straight with me. But I’m going to go out there as if he is, and see what happens. If he’s not, well, I will handle that. I think I can even rally some allies on that end, if need be.

[wld]

**L.D. Williams knocks on the door of the L.O.A.D.E.D. locker room. Suprisingly, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III himself answers. Williams hands him a squeegee and a pail.**

FFMCIII: “The hell is this?”

LDW: “You’re the leader of L.O.A.D.E.D., right?”

FMCIII: “Of course. So?”

LDW: “I figure it’ll be up to you to deal with Viper’s remains after our Street Fight. You’ll need those.”

**Williams turns and walks away, **

[Chris Eco]

*...away, into a chair shot from Ecosystem*

LD: OW!

Eco: Well, that's what you get. Trying to be cool and stuff.

[Deleted]

Dead and Seamus, drinking and playing 5 card stud with Blitz and Nerves


Damon: “Alright ladies, ante up deuces wild.”

Blitz: “How do we know we can trust you two?”

Seamus: “Have I EVER lied to you?”

Nerves: “No, not that I know of but…”

Damon: “If, if and buts were candy and nuts we’d all have gifts for Easter”

Seamus: “Look when the bell rings be ready, fuck with me, pay the piper…that doesn’t mean we can’t drink a few and play a friendly game of cards”

Seamus gets up and heads to the fridge.

Seamus: “Who needs a beer?”

Blitz: “Yeah got a bud?”

Seamus: “What?....a bud? Look Blitz your sitting here with men, it’s time you drink like one…here try this.”
Seamus hands everyone a Smithwicks

Nerves: “This ain’t bad…never heard of it.”

Seamus: “It’s the number one beer back home…”

Damon: “So what's this shit I here about you dressing up like the Spirit Squad?”

Blitz: “Hahahahaha”

Seamus glares at Blitz

Seamus: “It was a Wrestlemania party and Fire was dressed up as Cindy Lauper, a friend of mine Sean was dressed like Armando Alejando Estrada, another friend dressed up like Russo…it was all drunken fun.”

Damon: “Sean? Didn’t he wrestling in the OVW as Dusty Razor?”

Seamus: Yeah we were tag team partners – brothers – I went by Rusty…”

Blitz: “Hahaha Rusty Razor”

Seamus: “Hey it paid the bills”

Nerves: “So, if it’s sharing hour with Seamus…what the fuck is with you and Firewoman?”

Seamus: Nothing anymore…she has her Metro-toy and she’s all sideways with Zander and Lexie…at one time I would have killed for her.”

Damon: “I thought you did?”

Seamus gives Damon a very hard look and turns red

Blitz: “What, really?”

Seamus: “No not really, unless you consider killing my career.”

Damon: “Just a bad joke, sorry bro…”

Seamus: “Let it go…No-matter what it’s in the past”

Nerves: “Ok but what was the deal?”

Seamus: “At one time we were tighter than…Bonnie and Clyde”

Damon: “Butch and Sundance”

Seamus: “Peanut butter and jelly”

Damon: “R Kelly and 14 year olds”

Seamus: “Spitzer and hookers”

Blitz: “Zander and his anal lube”

All three turn to look at Blitz as Blitz takes a drink of his beer

Blitz: “What?”

Nerves;” So the boys around the OWF…been wondering if Fire has carpet or hardwood floors?”

Seamus chokes on beer doing a spit take all over the cards

Seamus: “Well inquiring minds gotta know…it’s carpet…well worn…”

All four of them start laughing and the camera fades