MNF 19/Male Bag 2
May 10, 2012 13:22:23 GMT -5
Post by Andy on May 10, 2012 13:22:23 GMT -5
Check out the new episodes on Flawedcast.net or iTunes.
itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-night-flaw/id514415327?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
Then vote!
Cam-
Hey assholes I am really digging your new separation of bullshit and fact gimmick with the two show concept otherwise known as the separation of church and state. Jesus.com!
So did Adam Dan have brain cancer or has he just been uselessly unemployed for so long that his sarcasm meter was repossessed? I would stoop to his level and tell him to kill himself but Allah gave him cancer already so that's good enough for me.
Raw happened this week and well I guess it didn't completely suck, but it wasn't from lack of trying.
It is kind of shitty that the best scheduled wrestling match on this upcoming shitty PPV has no build whatsoever. I mean why would they want to put effort into Punk vs Bryan? It's not like that would sell PPV buys like ADRmbar, Lobster Chesticho, King Sheamus of Lime country, and Randy..................................................Orton will.
That intergender divas match sure was great although I question the WWE stealing TNA's idea of using a male wrestler in the women's division. Maxine.com!
Finally it was fucking awesome to see Paul Heyman back on tv. Too bad the crowd was filled with cadavers on loan from the local morgue rather than real live people who can make noise. Way to Nate-change the return of such an important wrestling figure. Punshouse.com!
As for your assertions that I talk too much, go fuck your mother's uncle.
Sincerely your friendly neighborhood racist/rapist/necrofiliac/raging homosexual/asshole/co-host of Army of Dorkness!
Stu-
It's not personal, it's business
Hey guys,
Great show this week, even if you did basically paint a target on Monday Night Flaw for all the other shows to aim for. It was nice knowing you.
In the first Male Bag, Chris commented on the US having terrible standards for entertainment. You're telling me. Tintin got beat at the box office by the third fucking Chipmunks movie? Really? The only excuse for that is if people saw trailers for a movie about the "adventures" of a red headed male and his sea captain friend, and just assumed it was one of Cam Gullet's home videos. No thank you.
Onto business with SmackDown!
We open the show with a Sheamus/Bryan rematch, before Ricardo "The Dragon" Rodriguez caused a DQ finish with his flying cross body block. And in a tuxedo too! What's spanish for "Flying Penguin"?
Next, the Tag Team Champions Take on Hunico and Camacho. I forget which one did it, but one of the mexicans slapped Little Jimmy, and from R Truth's reaction, I have to ask, how long before they do an angle where Truth is handcuffed to the ropes and forced to watch in horror as a bunch of heels with chairs pound the crap out of the mat where Little Jimmy is meant to be lying? Complete with stretcher job and dead air from the announcers afterwards.
Brodus Clay then won a match against Jack Swagger by COUNTOUT~! This was such a monumentous victory, he just had to not only dance, but dance with little kids(don't worry, I'll get to a Dev Sop joke later). Well, sort of dance. The kids didn't seem to know what the fuck they were supposed to do, though maybe it was just the boys being distracted as one of the Funkadactyls did her split legged dry humping of the ring. Between this and the blood, we're slowly inching away from PG.
Damian Sandow shows up to take on Derrick Bateman, only at the last second he realises the middle of the ring is the biggest opening an australian sniper has to take him out, so makes his excuses and leaves. Bateman came to get some airtime however, so issued an open challenge, and of course, got destroyed by Ryback. And it's fitting that Bateman has been compared to Andy Sandberg, because he sold that Backpack Stunner like he jizzed in his pants for some reason. I knew Cam Gullet was a "Pro", just not an NXT Pro.
Kane and Cody Rhodes teamed up to take on Randy Orton and Big Show. And I had a serious thought seeing this. What if this version of Kane had been around when Cody Rhodes was doing his Doctor Doom thing? They could have made a pretty cool tag team or "master and student" sort of deal, with Kane making Cody's belief in his own ugliness worse and fostering that hatred towards others. And since WWE can't keep Kane in own alignment for six months straight, eventually Cody could have gotten over by turning on Kane,and we could have had THAT as a Wrestlemania feud this year. Just a thought.
Layla and Nattie had a match that went as long as this sent-
Last thing of note from SmackDown was the scene where Eve made Teddy oil up Antonio Cesaro. I don't buy that Teddy would be THAT uncomfortable around a better looking younger man and Aksana. Teddy's a 60 something year old man with a heart condition. I'm sure there were times during their relationship where Teddy said:
"Aksana...I don't think I can manage it tonight. But don't worry, playa, cos I've arranged for you to go One on One with Da Pool Boy! HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA!"
He also probably can't get it up without watching footage of Tag Team Matches.
Then on monday came Raw. No longer "Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar", sadly, because I would have enjoyed a title sequence where Brock's faced is photoshopped onto all the other superstars' bodies. Even the Divas. The show opened with John Laurinaits talking about how people haven't seen anything yet if they though Brock Lesnar "humbled" John Cena. I didn't know Iron Sheik was his trainer. Out comes Punk, I'm pleased to see starting to sport more of the Manson style beard he had during the Straight Edge Society era. It's a shame Over The Limit is only 2 weeks away, as I'd love to see him and Bryan both show up with Rip Van Winkle type facial hair. When Laurinaitis books Punk to face Tensai, Punk accuses him of hiding behind talented big men. I know the announcers have said Tensai used to wrestle under a different name in WWE, but I don't think they said exactly who. Given how complimentary he was, Punk must be assuming Tensai is a repackaged Luke Gallows.
Big Show faces Cody Rhodes, but Eve arrives to chew Show out for making fun of Laurinaitis' voice. I've not seen a woman embarass a man so much since Mrs. Corbitt had to Nate on her shoulders so he could see their kid's school play. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Kofi Kingston takes on Dolph Ziggler, with the PR Department and AW watching backstage. More interesting to me however is the appearance by DAVE BATISTA, who's apparently taken time off from film the third Riddick movie(yes, that is a thing) to visit Raw.
Next up John Cena appears on satellite and assures us that even if he has to lose an arm, he'll be at Over The Limit. Really, they'll try anything to get him some sympathy.
Divas tag match next, which was preceded by Layla doing an interview with a bizarre accent where she's proud to be the "Divurs" Champion. She teamed with Kelly Kelly, who is called that because she ate her unborn twin while still in the womb, you know. Anyway, the match was as long as-
Randy Orton and Sheamus teamed against Jericho and Alberto Del Rio, but a miscommunication results in Sheamus Brogue kicking Orton, pinning, then getting RKOed. It's a shame this happened. The Viper and Sheamus really should get along. After all, Whacking Day was originally created as an excuse to beat up the irish! That wasn't an Iron Pipe Kane was using last month, it was a Whacking Stick!
Miz jobbed to Brodus Clay. Tough break. At least he's still got The Marine 3...?
Before our main event, we got a BA Star video package where Sheamus, Mark Henry and ADR visit a school. So that's a guy who kicks refs in the face, another guy who was breaking people's legs last year just because he could, and a guy who mocks the poor, all there to encourage anti-bullying sentiment? Oh and Eve, though I think the sort of bullying she'd get for being orange is more out and out racism.
Paul Heyman returns as Brock Lesnar's legal council, and I die a little inside for some reason when I see him without his baseball cap. He says Brock Lesnar quits because he feels betrayed by the entire WWE Universe. Okay...WWE films needs to do a remake of The Room with Lesnar in the Tommy Wisseau role. "You're tearing me APART Rena!".
Then to close out the show, Tensai goes over Punk. Not surprising given how close Punk was to Luke Gallows...
Finally on the agenda, given the increasing praise I receive for my work on this humble podcast, I think it's time we re-negotiate the terms of my e-mailing Monday Night Flaw. I have a number of demands I want made(that's right, I said made) before I continue contributing:
-firstly, no one is to point out that I'm doing this schtick two weeks past the point it would be topical. After all it hasn't been an issue for the rest of the material Monday Night Flaw uses.
-I want Nate Corbitt's entire collection of Hot Wheels racers that he uses to drive to work. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
-I want my own custom made theme music. It, just like all other music that is used on the show from now on must feature bagpipes.
-At least 30% of Andy's contribution to Monday Night Flaw and Male Bag will be done in his Jesse Ventura voice
-Any time *I* make fun of someone's mother, it increases my chance of winning e-mail of the week
-Before the Flawedcast Network reaches critical mass with all the shows getting constantly added, from now on, all future commissioning decisions go through ME. That means Dev Sop's Junior Beauty Pageant Report WON'T be getting picked up. (see, told you I'd get to that)
-Cam Gullet is fired. And no one is allowed to say his name ever again without paying me a 200 Dollar Fine. That includes whoever is reading this e-mail. Cam Gullet. Cam Gullet.
-Cam Gullet.
-Wait Till Next Year will be renamed to the title I suggested originally but had rejected: Joo's On First. And if Nate Corbitt complains, I'll break his arm, as soon as I find a pair of tweezers. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
I'll give you a week to think it over. I don't think it's asking too much.
Peace out,
E-Mail of the Week Winner For Life, Stu
Brian-
Starting a new company
First, let's just get these out of the way quickly:
Adam, cancer. Cam, gay. Nate, short. Solly, cheap. Stu, trying too hard. JBKing, grand wizard. Nikki Bella, fat. Chris, future father-in-law. Andy, only person who finds Andy funny. Damien Sandow, raped Thom's mom. Cletus, creepy.
I think that's the major ones and I will give you both a few minutes not to absolutely destroy me.
Done yet?
Waiting….
Okay, finally.
Let's say you both got the chance to start a brand new wrestling company right now; who do you build you company around? Give me 3-5 names to be the flag-bearers taking into account all aspects o wrestling from in-ring to merchandising to being someone who can be the face of the company in the public eye. Personally, my top 5 would probably be Punk, Ziggler, Joe, Aries, and Storm and it's really tough leaving Bryan and Roode off.
Thanks for not being too mean…oh wait, you were. Nevermind.
DevilSoprano - this is where I would plug TV for Vendetta coming soon, but I figure you two will do that on your own.
Cliff-
Andy and Chris,
The best thing about being Intercontinental E-mailer of the week is clearly having my own intro. Thanks Andy!
So this is my fourth e-mail to you. And each time I've written, I've mentioned having my own podcast on your network. After listening to the MNF podcast and the Flawedcast earlier this week, I regret to inform you that I no longer have interest in your podcast hosting services. I wish you well in your future endeavors.
Chris, last week you mentioned that Sarah Palin being harassed by a WHAT! chant was one of your top three all time mental images. Which now begs the very obvious question.... What was Sarah Palin wearing?
Also, regarding your other two top mental images, let me guess, one of them is the Ultimate Warrior blowing Hulk Hogan.
And the other is a tranny threesome between Maxine, Nicole Bass, and Cam Gullett.
Was i right? Andy - care to share your top three mental images?
So we've got our CM Punk-Daniel Bryan feud. How much of this is the WWE listening to the fans, and how much of this is CM Punk having some backstage pull, and being able to select his next feud? Either way, Thank God. I'm somewhat shocked we haven't had been force-fed Randy Orton vs CM Punk since last year's Money In The Bank. I can live with a Cena-Kane feud if it means we avoid Orton-Punk right now.
Speaking of Randy Orton, I'm in St Louis for work this week. I now understand Randy Orton a little better. St Louis sports fans almost have the class of Philadelphia fans, but with the added bonus of inbreeding. The neanderthals in this town have killed too many brain cells drinking straight out of the Mississippi River. Which is essentially the sewage from Chicago. That's right St Louis, you are drinking the piss and stale beer from the Godforsaken drunks in Wrigleyville. At least the ones that are tall enough to reach the urinal without a stepladder. PUNSHOUSE DOT COM. Here's an idea, St Louis: don't let construction equipment begin until after a reasonable hour. Try using your other hand when counting the hours after midnight to begin blasting concrete. And here's another one. Hotel doors are supposed to close all the way. So you have privacy from other hotel visitors. Not get stuck in the door jam. Try taking the springs off the bathroom door, which apparently were installed for waking neighbors and removing fingers. And finally, most American cities have something called street signs to help you determine where the hell you are. Also, go fuck yourself Randy Orton.
Staying on the Randy Orton theme, I like the move to make it a four way with Jericho and Orton joining Sheamus and Del Rio. It's not terrible. Orton gets minimalized and they can work to the strengths of each guy. If we get Del Rio-Orton, and Sheamus-Jericho on the other side, it works for me. Jericho could pull an interesting story out of Sheamus, and at least we know we can fast forward through the other feud.
This match reminds me... here's a game you guys can play. It's called "WWE Storyline, an upcoming flawedcast podcast, or a Cam Gullet fantasy"
Number One: a foursome involving a pasty white guy from the British Isles, a Canadian Rock Star, a Flamboyant Mexican and a mentally retarded douchebag. Answer: All of the above!
Number Two: The fat twin sister battles with a gibberish speaking midget PUNSHOUSE DOT COM. Answer: All of the above!
Number Three: A 300 pound Asian man who is really an American deals with Asian Stereotypes. Answer: All of the above!
Go ahead and think of your own for this game.
Can I make a suggestion? I've got an idea for improving Monday Night Flaw. Limit Scott Taylor's TNA update to 100 words.
Actually, Scott isn't that bad. It's just that TNA is. Maybe Scott could send in a 5 minute update of something more interesting and relevant, like the WWE Youtube channel. Or reading the classified ads. Or maybe a spreadsheet that details which hosts and podcasts are feuding with each other on this network. It would help me to separate the sexual deviants from the pedophiles.
Paul Heyman was the best part of the week. I can only imagine the unintentional comedy if Brock delivered his own "I Quit" speech. Prior to Heyman's appearance, I haven't been desiring a Lesnar-Punk matchup, and I've been assuming that Lesnar would match up with Cena, Triple H, and finally The Undertaker. However, once Heyman appeared on my screen, i now absolutely want to see CM Punk and Brock in a feud. Please WWE. Immediately announce Punk-Lesnar at Wrestlemania, and let Heyman and Punk alternate promos each week. I could get behind that for the next roughly 45 weeks. Any Thoughts? Also, anyone else you really want to see feud with Lesnar and Heyman?
That's it for this week. I promise to carry the Intercontinental Belt with pride. Keep up the good work.
Cliffs Notes.
PS. I'm going to start using a PS, just because that's what Stu does, and he always wins email of the week. I don't have a joke here. Just a question. Is Lucky Lopez a flamboyant Mexican, and what did happen to that guy?
JB King-
Still contributing, still underutilized
Hey guys, another week another disappointing result. More disappointing knowing WWE isn’t taking any of my Kofi/Truth tag name suggestions. More disappointing then Nate’s cardiologist appointment or Cams HIV test. YUP RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE! Im starting to wonder what the fuck to do anymore for a win. Stu is getting booked worse then Cena in 2007. Gee Andy great idea by letting Punshouse help make up your mind. That’s like Hogan asking for advice from the people, and by that I mean the impact zone…OH WAIT HE ACTUALLY DOES THAT.
How does that work? That’s like Andy having two imaginary buddies on his shoulders to make decisions for him. On one side is Nate yelling out in his child like voice saying “Say this about him, it’ll go over like Robconway87’s make it yourself cook book (ROBSHOUSE.FART).” And on the other side will just be Cam screaming “GIMME YOUR COCK NOW”. Which could probably explain the randomness of Monday Night Flaw yesterday. Im not bitter though, I know I’ll find a way to get the imaginary brass ring.
And as for Stu, I wish him the best of luck on his rap career as SCOT LAND. As a suggestion you need a hype man, so maybe you should take Nate Corbitt with you. He can go under the rap name Busta Knee Cap. It wont be the first time a shitty white rapper took a old midget with bad health on the road with him, thanks Kid Rock. Just remember if the audience give you shit you can just grab Nate, roll him into a ball and use him to bowl over the front row like that fat black kid from the movie Hook.(PUNSHOUSE.COM)
Holy shit this is getting nowhere! Onto the questions.
Question 1. When are we going to see some offense from R-Truth’s little imaginary buddy Little Jimmy? It just seems weird that every wrestlers first notion when see a small white kid is to slap the shit out of it. B A STAR! Maybe we can get a weird angle where Camacho gets super ghetto and pulls out a gun on Lil Jimmy after a bad Samoan joke. R-Truth will jump and scream “NOOOOOOO” in front of the imaginary Jimmy and take the bullet. Weeks later Camacho will be confronted by Little Jimmy who is represented by Hornswoggle in a full green suit (so hes invisible on camera) with a musketeer hat and sword in hand. He will call out Camacho by saying “My name is Jaime Montoya, you killed my father prepare to job!” as the best fight in a backstage lockerroom ensues. Or if they cant afford the green suit they can just have the Great Khali swing objections with strings like a giant puppeteer. Either way, thoughts?
Question 2: This weeks Raw audience was terrible. What other arenas or cities suck for live events that you can remember?
Question 3: Question for Chris, it seems you have a personal vendetta over queen of the lollipop guild orange people, and by that I mean Eve. Does she really not do it for you? Really? I could name 9 things I would do to her that would get me banned in most public places and one thing that will get me deported. I’d fill her up with so much penis milk She’d end up looking like a orange cream sickle. That bitch looks like she’d suck a dick for a Diet Coke, but no worries because Cam does it just for the taste of it. A Diet Coke joke on Male Bag? YES! I think this is the portion of the show where Cam will check the facts by tasting the evidence. YUP THAT’S SEMEN ALRIGHT! By the way Andy you really dropped the ball on the Eve Sex/Doritos joke yesterday. How did you not make a Doritos Locos taco joke in there? Raw mentions it 4 times a night for goddsakes.
Well that’s it for this week. I have to think of shit to say on Gamer and Proud. Maybe I will finally help that Kenny Powers sounding mother fucker by making fun of our contributors videogame style. Pokemon? Why not, its worked in the past. ROBCONWAY87 uses poison gas! ROBCONWAY87 uses DREAM EATER! ROBSHOUSE.FART! PUNISHER uses rocket punch! Its ineffective….PUNISHER used Heart attack! Its Super Effective. Oh Goddamit look what you made me do. That wasn’t even fun to type. I shouldn’t diss celebrities, I loved that little guy since Willow. PUNSHOUSE.COM Love, peace and penis grease. Take care.
Adam-
Hey, guys.
Simple questions for both of you: Who are your 3 favorite wrestlers right now? Who are your 3 favorite wrestlers of all-time?
Yours Insincerely,
Adam
P.S. Cam really sucks. I hope he kills himself soon.
Dustin-
Hey man! Let's talk about Heyman!
That was a lame subject line. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
(I've actually never visited that site and have no idea what I'm promoting).
I remember a few years ago that Paul Heyman wanted total control over TNA, and they apparently thought Hogan and Bischoff would be better bookers. But think about this: What if Heyman did join TNA and makes it into a quality company that was actually fun for people to watch? Then he uses his friendship with Brock Lesnar to bring him in? I think we'd be speaking of TNA much more respectfully.
Other short thoughts:
• That fatal 4-way match should be fun, but why can't WWE go back to that elimination-style match that they did at Wrestlemania 2000? Start with four guys, and work down to one instead of letting the first pinfall determine a champion. Much more drama in that type of match.
• If TNA has all their shows in Orlando, WWE should have most of their shows in Chicago. If Heyman had appeared in front of them, they would have gone nuts, unlike North Carolina, who is usually much better than Monday's showing.
• If CM Punk was in his prime during the Attitude Era, think he'd be more popular than Austin? (I do). Seems like he'd have more freedom to be edgier during that time period, and would probably call people a lot worse than toolboxes. Add an edgier Punk personality to that amazing wrestling ability, and you'd have an amazing character.
• If you could somehow have a program with a current wrestler and a deceased wrestler, who would you pair up? Daniel Bryan vs. Owen Hart would be the most fun you could have watching wrestling. Punk vs. Owen or Andre in his prime vs. Undertaker would be amazing as well.
itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-night-flaw/id514415327?ign-mpt=uo%3D4
Then vote!
Cam-
Hey assholes I am really digging your new separation of bullshit and fact gimmick with the two show concept otherwise known as the separation of church and state. Jesus.com!
So did Adam Dan have brain cancer or has he just been uselessly unemployed for so long that his sarcasm meter was repossessed? I would stoop to his level and tell him to kill himself but Allah gave him cancer already so that's good enough for me.
Raw happened this week and well I guess it didn't completely suck, but it wasn't from lack of trying.
It is kind of shitty that the best scheduled wrestling match on this upcoming shitty PPV has no build whatsoever. I mean why would they want to put effort into Punk vs Bryan? It's not like that would sell PPV buys like ADRmbar, Lobster Chesticho, King Sheamus of Lime country, and Randy..................................................Orton will.
That intergender divas match sure was great although I question the WWE stealing TNA's idea of using a male wrestler in the women's division. Maxine.com!
Finally it was fucking awesome to see Paul Heyman back on tv. Too bad the crowd was filled with cadavers on loan from the local morgue rather than real live people who can make noise. Way to Nate-change the return of such an important wrestling figure. Punshouse.com!
As for your assertions that I talk too much, go fuck your mother's uncle.
Sincerely your friendly neighborhood racist/rapist/necrofiliac/raging homosexual/asshole/co-host of Army of Dorkness!
Stu-
It's not personal, it's business
Hey guys,
Great show this week, even if you did basically paint a target on Monday Night Flaw for all the other shows to aim for. It was nice knowing you.
In the first Male Bag, Chris commented on the US having terrible standards for entertainment. You're telling me. Tintin got beat at the box office by the third fucking Chipmunks movie? Really? The only excuse for that is if people saw trailers for a movie about the "adventures" of a red headed male and his sea captain friend, and just assumed it was one of Cam Gullet's home videos. No thank you.
Onto business with SmackDown!
We open the show with a Sheamus/Bryan rematch, before Ricardo "The Dragon" Rodriguez caused a DQ finish with his flying cross body block. And in a tuxedo too! What's spanish for "Flying Penguin"?
Next, the Tag Team Champions Take on Hunico and Camacho. I forget which one did it, but one of the mexicans slapped Little Jimmy, and from R Truth's reaction, I have to ask, how long before they do an angle where Truth is handcuffed to the ropes and forced to watch in horror as a bunch of heels with chairs pound the crap out of the mat where Little Jimmy is meant to be lying? Complete with stretcher job and dead air from the announcers afterwards.
Brodus Clay then won a match against Jack Swagger by COUNTOUT~! This was such a monumentous victory, he just had to not only dance, but dance with little kids(don't worry, I'll get to a Dev Sop joke later). Well, sort of dance. The kids didn't seem to know what the fuck they were supposed to do, though maybe it was just the boys being distracted as one of the Funkadactyls did her split legged dry humping of the ring. Between this and the blood, we're slowly inching away from PG.
Damian Sandow shows up to take on Derrick Bateman, only at the last second he realises the middle of the ring is the biggest opening an australian sniper has to take him out, so makes his excuses and leaves. Bateman came to get some airtime however, so issued an open challenge, and of course, got destroyed by Ryback. And it's fitting that Bateman has been compared to Andy Sandberg, because he sold that Backpack Stunner like he jizzed in his pants for some reason. I knew Cam Gullet was a "Pro", just not an NXT Pro.
Kane and Cody Rhodes teamed up to take on Randy Orton and Big Show. And I had a serious thought seeing this. What if this version of Kane had been around when Cody Rhodes was doing his Doctor Doom thing? They could have made a pretty cool tag team or "master and student" sort of deal, with Kane making Cody's belief in his own ugliness worse and fostering that hatred towards others. And since WWE can't keep Kane in own alignment for six months straight, eventually Cody could have gotten over by turning on Kane,and we could have had THAT as a Wrestlemania feud this year. Just a thought.
Layla and Nattie had a match that went as long as this sent-
Last thing of note from SmackDown was the scene where Eve made Teddy oil up Antonio Cesaro. I don't buy that Teddy would be THAT uncomfortable around a better looking younger man and Aksana. Teddy's a 60 something year old man with a heart condition. I'm sure there were times during their relationship where Teddy said:
"Aksana...I don't think I can manage it tonight. But don't worry, playa, cos I've arranged for you to go One on One with Da Pool Boy! HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA!"
He also probably can't get it up without watching footage of Tag Team Matches.
Then on monday came Raw. No longer "Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar", sadly, because I would have enjoyed a title sequence where Brock's faced is photoshopped onto all the other superstars' bodies. Even the Divas. The show opened with John Laurinaits talking about how people haven't seen anything yet if they though Brock Lesnar "humbled" John Cena. I didn't know Iron Sheik was his trainer. Out comes Punk, I'm pleased to see starting to sport more of the Manson style beard he had during the Straight Edge Society era. It's a shame Over The Limit is only 2 weeks away, as I'd love to see him and Bryan both show up with Rip Van Winkle type facial hair. When Laurinaitis books Punk to face Tensai, Punk accuses him of hiding behind talented big men. I know the announcers have said Tensai used to wrestle under a different name in WWE, but I don't think they said exactly who. Given how complimentary he was, Punk must be assuming Tensai is a repackaged Luke Gallows.
Big Show faces Cody Rhodes, but Eve arrives to chew Show out for making fun of Laurinaitis' voice. I've not seen a woman embarass a man so much since Mrs. Corbitt had to Nate on her shoulders so he could see their kid's school play. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Kofi Kingston takes on Dolph Ziggler, with the PR Department and AW watching backstage. More interesting to me however is the appearance by DAVE BATISTA, who's apparently taken time off from film the third Riddick movie(yes, that is a thing) to visit Raw.
Next up John Cena appears on satellite and assures us that even if he has to lose an arm, he'll be at Over The Limit. Really, they'll try anything to get him some sympathy.
Divas tag match next, which was preceded by Layla doing an interview with a bizarre accent where she's proud to be the "Divurs" Champion. She teamed with Kelly Kelly, who is called that because she ate her unborn twin while still in the womb, you know. Anyway, the match was as long as-
Randy Orton and Sheamus teamed against Jericho and Alberto Del Rio, but a miscommunication results in Sheamus Brogue kicking Orton, pinning, then getting RKOed. It's a shame this happened. The Viper and Sheamus really should get along. After all, Whacking Day was originally created as an excuse to beat up the irish! That wasn't an Iron Pipe Kane was using last month, it was a Whacking Stick!
Miz jobbed to Brodus Clay. Tough break. At least he's still got The Marine 3...?
Before our main event, we got a BA Star video package where Sheamus, Mark Henry and ADR visit a school. So that's a guy who kicks refs in the face, another guy who was breaking people's legs last year just because he could, and a guy who mocks the poor, all there to encourage anti-bullying sentiment? Oh and Eve, though I think the sort of bullying she'd get for being orange is more out and out racism.
Paul Heyman returns as Brock Lesnar's legal council, and I die a little inside for some reason when I see him without his baseball cap. He says Brock Lesnar quits because he feels betrayed by the entire WWE Universe. Okay...WWE films needs to do a remake of The Room with Lesnar in the Tommy Wisseau role. "You're tearing me APART Rena!".
Then to close out the show, Tensai goes over Punk. Not surprising given how close Punk was to Luke Gallows...
Finally on the agenda, given the increasing praise I receive for my work on this humble podcast, I think it's time we re-negotiate the terms of my e-mailing Monday Night Flaw. I have a number of demands I want made(that's right, I said made) before I continue contributing:
-firstly, no one is to point out that I'm doing this schtick two weeks past the point it would be topical. After all it hasn't been an issue for the rest of the material Monday Night Flaw uses.
-I want Nate Corbitt's entire collection of Hot Wheels racers that he uses to drive to work. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
-I want my own custom made theme music. It, just like all other music that is used on the show from now on must feature bagpipes.
-At least 30% of Andy's contribution to Monday Night Flaw and Male Bag will be done in his Jesse Ventura voice
-Any time *I* make fun of someone's mother, it increases my chance of winning e-mail of the week
-Before the Flawedcast Network reaches critical mass with all the shows getting constantly added, from now on, all future commissioning decisions go through ME. That means Dev Sop's Junior Beauty Pageant Report WON'T be getting picked up. (see, told you I'd get to that)
-Cam Gullet is fired. And no one is allowed to say his name ever again without paying me a 200 Dollar Fine. That includes whoever is reading this e-mail. Cam Gullet. Cam Gullet.
-Cam Gullet.
-Wait Till Next Year will be renamed to the title I suggested originally but had rejected: Joo's On First. And if Nate Corbitt complains, I'll break his arm, as soon as I find a pair of tweezers. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
I'll give you a week to think it over. I don't think it's asking too much.
Peace out,
E-Mail of the Week Winner For Life, Stu
Brian-
Starting a new company
First, let's just get these out of the way quickly:
Adam, cancer. Cam, gay. Nate, short. Solly, cheap. Stu, trying too hard. JBKing, grand wizard. Nikki Bella, fat. Chris, future father-in-law. Andy, only person who finds Andy funny. Damien Sandow, raped Thom's mom. Cletus, creepy.
I think that's the major ones and I will give you both a few minutes not to absolutely destroy me.
Done yet?
Waiting….
Okay, finally.
Let's say you both got the chance to start a brand new wrestling company right now; who do you build you company around? Give me 3-5 names to be the flag-bearers taking into account all aspects o wrestling from in-ring to merchandising to being someone who can be the face of the company in the public eye. Personally, my top 5 would probably be Punk, Ziggler, Joe, Aries, and Storm and it's really tough leaving Bryan and Roode off.
Thanks for not being too mean…oh wait, you were. Nevermind.
DevilSoprano - this is where I would plug TV for Vendetta coming soon, but I figure you two will do that on your own.
Cliff-
Andy and Chris,
The best thing about being Intercontinental E-mailer of the week is clearly having my own intro. Thanks Andy!
So this is my fourth e-mail to you. And each time I've written, I've mentioned having my own podcast on your network. After listening to the MNF podcast and the Flawedcast earlier this week, I regret to inform you that I no longer have interest in your podcast hosting services. I wish you well in your future endeavors.
Chris, last week you mentioned that Sarah Palin being harassed by a WHAT! chant was one of your top three all time mental images. Which now begs the very obvious question.... What was Sarah Palin wearing?
Also, regarding your other two top mental images, let me guess, one of them is the Ultimate Warrior blowing Hulk Hogan.
And the other is a tranny threesome between Maxine, Nicole Bass, and Cam Gullett.
Was i right? Andy - care to share your top three mental images?
So we've got our CM Punk-Daniel Bryan feud. How much of this is the WWE listening to the fans, and how much of this is CM Punk having some backstage pull, and being able to select his next feud? Either way, Thank God. I'm somewhat shocked we haven't had been force-fed Randy Orton vs CM Punk since last year's Money In The Bank. I can live with a Cena-Kane feud if it means we avoid Orton-Punk right now.
Speaking of Randy Orton, I'm in St Louis for work this week. I now understand Randy Orton a little better. St Louis sports fans almost have the class of Philadelphia fans, but with the added bonus of inbreeding. The neanderthals in this town have killed too many brain cells drinking straight out of the Mississippi River. Which is essentially the sewage from Chicago. That's right St Louis, you are drinking the piss and stale beer from the Godforsaken drunks in Wrigleyville. At least the ones that are tall enough to reach the urinal without a stepladder. PUNSHOUSE DOT COM. Here's an idea, St Louis: don't let construction equipment begin until after a reasonable hour. Try using your other hand when counting the hours after midnight to begin blasting concrete. And here's another one. Hotel doors are supposed to close all the way. So you have privacy from other hotel visitors. Not get stuck in the door jam. Try taking the springs off the bathroom door, which apparently were installed for waking neighbors and removing fingers. And finally, most American cities have something called street signs to help you determine where the hell you are. Also, go fuck yourself Randy Orton.
Staying on the Randy Orton theme, I like the move to make it a four way with Jericho and Orton joining Sheamus and Del Rio. It's not terrible. Orton gets minimalized and they can work to the strengths of each guy. If we get Del Rio-Orton, and Sheamus-Jericho on the other side, it works for me. Jericho could pull an interesting story out of Sheamus, and at least we know we can fast forward through the other feud.
This match reminds me... here's a game you guys can play. It's called "WWE Storyline, an upcoming flawedcast podcast, or a Cam Gullet fantasy"
Number One: a foursome involving a pasty white guy from the British Isles, a Canadian Rock Star, a Flamboyant Mexican and a mentally retarded douchebag. Answer: All of the above!
Number Two: The fat twin sister battles with a gibberish speaking midget PUNSHOUSE DOT COM. Answer: All of the above!
Number Three: A 300 pound Asian man who is really an American deals with Asian Stereotypes. Answer: All of the above!
Go ahead and think of your own for this game.
Can I make a suggestion? I've got an idea for improving Monday Night Flaw. Limit Scott Taylor's TNA update to 100 words.
Actually, Scott isn't that bad. It's just that TNA is. Maybe Scott could send in a 5 minute update of something more interesting and relevant, like the WWE Youtube channel. Or reading the classified ads. Or maybe a spreadsheet that details which hosts and podcasts are feuding with each other on this network. It would help me to separate the sexual deviants from the pedophiles.
Paul Heyman was the best part of the week. I can only imagine the unintentional comedy if Brock delivered his own "I Quit" speech. Prior to Heyman's appearance, I haven't been desiring a Lesnar-Punk matchup, and I've been assuming that Lesnar would match up with Cena, Triple H, and finally The Undertaker. However, once Heyman appeared on my screen, i now absolutely want to see CM Punk and Brock in a feud. Please WWE. Immediately announce Punk-Lesnar at Wrestlemania, and let Heyman and Punk alternate promos each week. I could get behind that for the next roughly 45 weeks. Any Thoughts? Also, anyone else you really want to see feud with Lesnar and Heyman?
That's it for this week. I promise to carry the Intercontinental Belt with pride. Keep up the good work.
Cliffs Notes.
PS. I'm going to start using a PS, just because that's what Stu does, and he always wins email of the week. I don't have a joke here. Just a question. Is Lucky Lopez a flamboyant Mexican, and what did happen to that guy?
JB King-
Still contributing, still underutilized
Hey guys, another week another disappointing result. More disappointing knowing WWE isn’t taking any of my Kofi/Truth tag name suggestions. More disappointing then Nate’s cardiologist appointment or Cams HIV test. YUP RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE! Im starting to wonder what the fuck to do anymore for a win. Stu is getting booked worse then Cena in 2007. Gee Andy great idea by letting Punshouse help make up your mind. That’s like Hogan asking for advice from the people, and by that I mean the impact zone…OH WAIT HE ACTUALLY DOES THAT.
How does that work? That’s like Andy having two imaginary buddies on his shoulders to make decisions for him. On one side is Nate yelling out in his child like voice saying “Say this about him, it’ll go over like Robconway87’s make it yourself cook book (ROBSHOUSE.FART).” And on the other side will just be Cam screaming “GIMME YOUR COCK NOW”. Which could probably explain the randomness of Monday Night Flaw yesterday. Im not bitter though, I know I’ll find a way to get the imaginary brass ring.
And as for Stu, I wish him the best of luck on his rap career as SCOT LAND. As a suggestion you need a hype man, so maybe you should take Nate Corbitt with you. He can go under the rap name Busta Knee Cap. It wont be the first time a shitty white rapper took a old midget with bad health on the road with him, thanks Kid Rock. Just remember if the audience give you shit you can just grab Nate, roll him into a ball and use him to bowl over the front row like that fat black kid from the movie Hook.(PUNSHOUSE.COM)
Holy shit this is getting nowhere! Onto the questions.
Question 1. When are we going to see some offense from R-Truth’s little imaginary buddy Little Jimmy? It just seems weird that every wrestlers first notion when see a small white kid is to slap the shit out of it. B A STAR! Maybe we can get a weird angle where Camacho gets super ghetto and pulls out a gun on Lil Jimmy after a bad Samoan joke. R-Truth will jump and scream “NOOOOOOO” in front of the imaginary Jimmy and take the bullet. Weeks later Camacho will be confronted by Little Jimmy who is represented by Hornswoggle in a full green suit (so hes invisible on camera) with a musketeer hat and sword in hand. He will call out Camacho by saying “My name is Jaime Montoya, you killed my father prepare to job!” as the best fight in a backstage lockerroom ensues. Or if they cant afford the green suit they can just have the Great Khali swing objections with strings like a giant puppeteer. Either way, thoughts?
Question 2: This weeks Raw audience was terrible. What other arenas or cities suck for live events that you can remember?
Question 3: Question for Chris, it seems you have a personal vendetta over queen of the lollipop guild orange people, and by that I mean Eve. Does she really not do it for you? Really? I could name 9 things I would do to her that would get me banned in most public places and one thing that will get me deported. I’d fill her up with so much penis milk She’d end up looking like a orange cream sickle. That bitch looks like she’d suck a dick for a Diet Coke, but no worries because Cam does it just for the taste of it. A Diet Coke joke on Male Bag? YES! I think this is the portion of the show where Cam will check the facts by tasting the evidence. YUP THAT’S SEMEN ALRIGHT! By the way Andy you really dropped the ball on the Eve Sex/Doritos joke yesterday. How did you not make a Doritos Locos taco joke in there? Raw mentions it 4 times a night for goddsakes.
Well that’s it for this week. I have to think of shit to say on Gamer and Proud. Maybe I will finally help that Kenny Powers sounding mother fucker by making fun of our contributors videogame style. Pokemon? Why not, its worked in the past. ROBCONWAY87 uses poison gas! ROBCONWAY87 uses DREAM EATER! ROBSHOUSE.FART! PUNISHER uses rocket punch! Its ineffective….PUNISHER used Heart attack! Its Super Effective. Oh Goddamit look what you made me do. That wasn’t even fun to type. I shouldn’t diss celebrities, I loved that little guy since Willow. PUNSHOUSE.COM Love, peace and penis grease. Take care.
Adam-
Hey, guys.
Simple questions for both of you: Who are your 3 favorite wrestlers right now? Who are your 3 favorite wrestlers of all-time?
Yours Insincerely,
Adam
P.S. Cam really sucks. I hope he kills himself soon.
Dustin-
Hey man! Let's talk about Heyman!
That was a lame subject line. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
(I've actually never visited that site and have no idea what I'm promoting).
I remember a few years ago that Paul Heyman wanted total control over TNA, and they apparently thought Hogan and Bischoff would be better bookers. But think about this: What if Heyman did join TNA and makes it into a quality company that was actually fun for people to watch? Then he uses his friendship with Brock Lesnar to bring him in? I think we'd be speaking of TNA much more respectfully.
Other short thoughts:
• That fatal 4-way match should be fun, but why can't WWE go back to that elimination-style match that they did at Wrestlemania 2000? Start with four guys, and work down to one instead of letting the first pinfall determine a champion. Much more drama in that type of match.
• If TNA has all their shows in Orlando, WWE should have most of their shows in Chicago. If Heyman had appeared in front of them, they would have gone nuts, unlike North Carolina, who is usually much better than Monday's showing.
• If CM Punk was in his prime during the Attitude Era, think he'd be more popular than Austin? (I do). Seems like he'd have more freedom to be edgier during that time period, and would probably call people a lot worse than toolboxes. Add an edgier Punk personality to that amazing wrestling ability, and you'd have an amazing character.
• If you could somehow have a program with a current wrestler and a deceased wrestler, who would you pair up? Daniel Bryan vs. Owen Hart would be the most fun you could have watching wrestling. Punk vs. Owen or Andre in his prime vs. Undertaker would be amazing as well.