MNF 21/Male Bag 4 (VOTE TWICE!!!)
May 24, 2012 13:33:48 GMT -5
Post by Andy on May 24, 2012 13:33:48 GMT -5
Check out this week's incredible Monday Night Flaw 21 and the super silly Male Bag 4 on Stitcher, Flawedcast.net and iTunes!
Until we get things running correctly, the free iPhone and Android app Stitcher works great and you can stream off of Stitcher.com!
Serpiente
Hola Señor Andy y Señor Chris!
Gracias Ricardo Rodriquez por la presentación de la Serpiente Enmascarada!
La terrible noticia. Rosa Mendes se encontraba en un accidente de tráfico?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Di una oración del Ave María de Rosa.
Hola Señor Stu!
Los Estados Unidos de América v Escocia en el fútbol! No me gusta Escocia fútbol. USA! USA! USA!
El coche de Escocia, Craig Levein, es una puta. USA! USA! USA!
Escocia fútbol es insignificante como "Wait Til Next Year" USA! USA! USA!
Señor Chris: La señorita Maxine es realmente el señor Maxine. Maxine es un hombre con un PENE!!!
Hola Señor Dustin Faber.
Yo soy un hombre buen Católico. Jesucristo es mi salvador.
No me gusta Brian VanAlstyne. Brian es un hombre muy malo.
Él va al infierno y el diablo se lo castigue.
Brian tiene una erección viendo Dora la Exploradora.
Señor Andy: ¿Prefiere Dos Equis, Corona, o Negra Modelo?
BUENO ES BIG SHOW? Juan Ceña es mucho mejor. Big Show se convertirá en Minúsculo Show.
Minúsculo Show? Minúsculo Show! PUNS CASA del COM!
Buenas Noches,
El Serpiente Enmascarada!
P.S.
"Cam Gullett" en Español es "Leva Garganta".
"Leva Garganta" en Gringo Inglés es "Lever Throat" o "Long Shaft in Throat"
Dustin
Greetings Overlords,
The idea gets floated around every now and then, but could you see a future in which wrestlers across the different federations actually form a union, like other professional sports? The benefits are obvious: Better wages, healthcare, and a better on-screen product. However, I could see bookers punishing union guys by promoting non-union wrestlers, making joining a union dangerous to one's career in a sense.
What are your thoughts?
Other musings:
• When Teddy Long was GM of Smackdown, he had a photo of MLK Jr. hanging up. When Johnny Ace took over, the photo was removed. Subtle racism or an oversight?
• When Ryback was competing at OTL, there were fans chanting Goldberg at the guy. Seems like a jerk move to do: Who cares if he reminds you of a 90s wrestler who hasn't competed in ages? Chants like this just make those fans sound like they're desperate for attention. But maybe I'm just being mean.
• What is your favorite finisher of all time? My favorite is the stunner, for the simple fact that you can hit it at any time in any place: Other moves like the tombstone, AA and GTS are more difficult to hit on larger people, causing you to forfeit part of your aresnal when facing a giant.
Keep up the good work and God bless,
Dustin
Alan
Hey asshats,
I'm sure with your incredible knowledge of professional wrestling, you'll be able to explain this:
Why is Santino's cobra sleeve not a foreign object? If he pulled a roll of quarters from his tights and hit someone in the head, he'd get DQed. The Assassin always hid the metal block he stuffed in his mask before headbutting opponents. What's the difference? And why doesn't a ref just search Santino before the bell and take the sleeve away from him?
But if the sleeve is somehow not a foreign object, why doesn't Santino just wear it into the ring? Does the sleeve gain special powers by being stashed in Santino's groin? If that's the case, how did Santino figure that out and Blackjack Mulligan, who wore a special black glove for his Claw, never did? Are you telling me Santino is smarter than Blackjack Mulligan?
I can't figure this out. But surely you two know the answer, just like you know who drove the Hummer, who raised the briefcase and why the pinata fell from the pole.
Thanks,
Alan Capps
Masked Man
Thank God that Cam isn't the IC title holder anymore. I'd rather go shopping for strap-on dildos with Donnie and Marie Osmond than envision Cam with any kind of success. Fuck his very existence.
Adam, you ugly motherfucker! Holy shit, when Adam was a kid he was so ugly, Sandusky had to wear a blindfold. The only reason he is cancer free is because AIDS evicted that horrible disease after a night with Chris's sister.
Adam is a terrible person and a horrible human being. To have an idea of what awful fucker he is, envision a billy goat shitting on an infant child's balls, and you'll have an idea of the garbage that is Adam's soul.
Adam, please stop writing emails. You have the appeal of a school bus fire.
Oh yeah, and the Punk-AJ-Bryan storyline could be epic. Should be a fun summer if they give those guys a feud. The exact opposite of anything the Big Show does. Seeing him on TV is the equivalent of Cam pissing in your ass. No fun for anyone.
Sincerely,
The Masked Man.
Gran Serpiente
¿Quién es Serpeinte Enmascarada? Yo soy la serpiente sólo .... GRAN SERPIENTE!
Serpiente Enmascarada es un pedazo de mierda. No es humorístico. Tiene testículos pequeños, como dos Nate Corbitts... PUNS-CASA.MEX!!!
También, Señor Cliff, Señor Fred, y Señor Dustin son mis compadres. Pero no JB Keeng. Le encanta las vacas como Brie Bella y Kelly Kelly. ROBS-CHIMICHANGA.AyeDiosMio!!!
Finalmente, Señor Gullet es una perra pequeña. Por favor, mueran en un infierno. CAMS-CULO.AIDS!!!
Larga vida y prosperidad!
-EL GRAN SERPIENTE
PD: Espero que a Adam Dan obtiene un cáncer nuevo.
Adam Dan
Hey, guys! I can't get enough of the "Hey Ya!" extended cut that's circulating around the Flawedcast Network. Do you guys think you could hook a loyal fan up and play it again?
Thanks in advance! You guys are the best!
Cliff
---Live via Satellite on The Titan Tron---
Hey guys,
Sorry I can’t be appearing live this week, but I’m on the set of The Marine 3, so I’ll need to keep this brief.
So what happened to the new rule? In the last week, you added exactly zero new comments on iTunes, and you let the Impact Zone of Pun's House vote in Serpiente Marella as your new Heavyweight Champion. If only you had listened to me....
Oh well. It’s probably for the best. If Andy had actually declared everyone else ineligible and created a poll with only two options, we’d probably be discussing our new Heavyweight Champion “Mabey”.
But it was a good three week run for me that included the inaugural IC belt, a world title belt, being regularly mentioned as one of the "Big 3" with Stu and JB King, and being able to contribute last weeks Male Bag, which is considered by all to be the best yet.
I'll be busy for a few weeks, so I'll just sit back and enjoy the heavyweight matchup between Stu and JB King. I agree that JB King's email last week was epic, and I don't know how he will follow it up, but I'm certainly looking forward to it.
My question: Let's just skip over No Way Out and look ahead to Money In The Bank. Who should get a briefcase? And who will actually get a briefcase? Rhodes and Ziggler are probably the obvious choices if you are going to promote a new name to the title picture.
Thanks again,
Cliffs Notes
Stu
Hey guys,
Well, the field sure is heating up around here. I thought it was bad enough having all the regular guys coming after my title, but now I have to compete with a MEXICAN? There should be a law against him stealing spots from us hard-working decent contributors. He doesn't even speak the language! Can you arrange for a firewall to be built around the site so no more of his e-mails get through any more?
Thanks to Scott Taylor for a bonus TNA recap in last week's Male Bag. I really needed to go take a shit, but was afraid to pause the stream in case this slightest attempt at treating the site like it was robust and usable caused it to crash, so you really helped me out of a jam.
How does a Scotsman know a Dallas reference? We DO have televisions here, you know. Some of your classic tv does make it across the pond. In fact, several of YOUR programmes( such as Sanford and Son, All In The Family, Three's Company) are actually remakes of OUR shows. The Alice reference is more known from it being referenced in other shows, and usually with a character who IS a truckstop waitress. Of course, not everything made it over here, so don't expect me to be spouting "DY-NO-MIIIIIITE!" all the time or anything.
Raw's going to go 3 hours long? Jee. Sus. I'll need to start drinking to get through it. Which could either make my output worse due to increased sloppiness, or better as my inhibitions lower and I start following suit with the other contributors and become a real arsehole in my putdowns. I mean, I'm one of the few not stooping to the Nate Corbitt-in-a-ditch level of bringing Cam's mother into this, and not just because she was nice enough to give me 50% off on that last blowjob. I gotta say, even though it was a discount, she didn't slack off. She really earned that quarter. Oh no, it's starting already- WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!
Smackdown this week opened with Johnny Ace coming out to try to appeal to the WWE Universe's sympathies, asking for their prayers for his upcoming match with Cena because he's not as "flexible" as he used to be. Thank God. We don't need the Johnny Ace Illustrated Karma Sutra...Volume 2. You know the real reason he has that problem with his voice is because "The Laurinaitis" is a deepthroat technique he perfected convincing Vince to give him his job. Anyhoo, he's interrupted by CM Punk, making an appearance on SD the very same week I complained about his absence. You see the sort of influence I have? That's why I need to be the E-Mail of the Week Champion. Punk gloats about Johnny's predicament, causing Johnny to book him in a match later on against Kane. Punk isn't too bothered by this, saying at least he respects Kane. That's right. CM Punk respects a father murdering, sadistic, sometimes-pyromaniacal psychopath...more than he does Chris Brown. Which I can kind of understand. I mean, when Kane got Lita pregnant by forcing her to have sex with him and later had her marry him against her will, at least there was no indication that he ever hit her. He's got SOME redeeming qualities.
Tyler Perry Presents a Tag Team defeated Young and O'Neil, ending the team's epic 2 match winning streak. Most notable thing about this match was Booker T saying he could see Little Jimmy. I don't know what to make of that. It can't just be a black person thing, since Kofi can't see LJ, and Camacho, a samoan who believes he's mexican could since he was able to slap the little guy. Is Little Jimmy like Al the Hologram from Quantum Leap, and aside from Truth, only children and people with mental problems can see him?
Damian Sandow takes on Yoshi Tatsu...eventually. At first, he says Yoshi is "beneath" him as an opponent so won't be taking him on. So in addition to being a snob, he's a racist. Faaantastic. Unfortunately for him though, Tatsu has seen the Back To The Future movies, so he calls Sandow a chicken, and gets a sudden ass whooping for his trouble. Though Sandow just leaves after laying him out, not getting a pin, so I don't think it counts for anything. It's funny too that Sandow earlier showed disdain for Zack Ryder, since the colour scheme of his wrestling gear was WAY more metrosexual than anything Zack's ever wore.
Next, Sheamus and Randy Orton have the most passive aggressive promo EVER! They don't directly name names, just keep saying "unlike SOME people". But who am I to judge? I'm not a WWE main eventer, so maybe I could learn a thing or two from their style. I may be a talking mouse, but I'VE never needed a trampoline to open my mailbox, unlike SOME people. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Daniel Bryan defeated Zack Ryder in a match that I actually wouldn't call a squash, but it wasn't very long and Bryan definitely dominated.
Bryan stayed to interfere in the Punk-Kane match, framing the Straight Edge Messiah for a chairshot on Kane, who was so hurt by this from a man who said he respected him that he went nuts on Punk, leaving him battered.
Santino beats Cody. Sure. Why not?
Sheamus and Randy Orton have a hard fought match, that ends with Sheamus getting the pin with a rollup. This combination of a redhead and a schoolboy was much more successful than Cam Gullet and DevSop's first and only "home movie" collaboration.
With sunday, came Over The Limit. I tuned into the pre-show too late to see Kane and Ryder's match, but I assume it ended with Ryder getting the win using a corkscrew 360 Ruff Ryder off the top of a ladder. I did see a backstage segment when Santino and Cody Rhodes bicker over their respective titles importance. Santino refers to Cody's belt as "The Incontinence Title", which is a terrible gaffe on his part as that's the name TNA will be changing THEIR title to, given the average age of their main eventers. Eve interjects to set up a battle royale with the winner receiving a shot at the title of their choosing.
Said Battle Royale opened the show, and it featured quite a field of competitors. There's not been that many guys occupying one ring since Cam Gullet had a coupon day down at the docks. The match is won by the returning Christian. Yay!
The Tag Titles were on the line next as Kofi and R Truth defended against The Jack Offs. It was a pretty good match actually, only hampered by King's bizarre obsession with Vickie's navel. Because as a middle aged woman and mother, she clearly deserves to be mocked for not having a flawless figure. Anyway, Kofi and R Truth retain.
Backstage, Eve gives Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins the terribly important task going through the crowd and confiscating any signs that make fun of John Laurinaitis' voice. It's nice they gave them something to do...but don't WWE already have staff for that purpose? King also reacts with indignation, saying free speech should allow people to say what they want with their signs. So, if there's an influx of "Fuck You Orton" and "Damien Sandow Raped My Mom" signs, it's WWE's own fault.
Divas Champship match next, which began with a video flashing back a month to show the Bellas losing the title to Layla. It was a nice nostalgic moment, though only having a Standard Definition TV, I only to see half of Nikki on screen. This was actually another pretty good outing. Layla's clearly been working hard and I wouldn't mind seeing a rematch . Too bad the crowd for this was dead. Layla retained.
With the Diva's match over, now was time for the REAL piss break as Randy....Orton cut a promo. What's great about those things is that you can go to the bathroom, wash your hands, buy a new drink, a hot dog, a t-shirt, go back to your seat and read your programme twice over before he's even finished saying his own name. He's interrupted by Jericho who says he's going to win because he's the best in the world at what he does. Orton says after tonight tonight, Jericho will be the best in the world at being beaten by him. I think actually the english language already holds that distinction, Randy.
The Four Way World Championship match was pretty good and never boring. Something always seemed to be going on. Sheamus retains.
Miz took on Brodus Clay. Poor, poor Miz.
#CHRISTIAN!
CHRISTIAN!
AT LAST YOU'VE GOT MORE GOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!
CM Punk and Bryan was awesome as expected. The only exception being Punk's Vince McMahon impression in the interview beforehand.
Ryback destroyed Camacho, then just to be a jerk, kicked the lowrider bike over. Come on, buddy! Haven't you learned anything from the B A Star campaign?
Finally came the moment we were dreading as John Cena took on John Laurinaitis. Actually, it wasn't THAT bad. There were some genuinely funny moments, it just went on far too long, ending when Big Show made the SHOCKING decision to betray John Cena and knock him out. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
Of course, my and a lot of other people's problem with this was that if this was Big Show's plan all along...why the fuck did he wait so long to do anything? Cena could have beaten Laurinaitis at any time! There's two possible explanations:
1. Paul Wight knew when the right time to make his move would be because he's psychic, which would result in him becoming The Medium Show.
or
2. The Bow Tie isn't just for fashion reasons. David Otunga IS a Timelord, and used his TARDIS to go ahead in time to find out how the match would go and tipped Big Show off. I'm going with that. It could also explain how Brodus Clay got from Planet Funk to Earth. I'd even suggest David Otunga has always been a WWE Superstar, but we just don't remember because of the Cracks in the universe. I know 93.8% of the other listeners don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, including Chris, but do you have any idea how many american sports references go over my head listening to the Flawedcast Network or reading the bOOards? I regret nothing...well except that Cam Gullet probably gets the joke too.
Overall though, a pretty good PPV, with the bonus in the UK that it was one of the "free" ones, as in not on PPV, but just on the cable sports channels in my package.
Raw begins with angry shouty Cena seemingly in the midst of a nervous breakdown in the aftermath of Over The Limit. Laurinaitis comes out on a buggy and then a crutch, because he's got as much of a problem walking as Cam Gullet does after entertaining a frat house. He introduces the Big Show, who he says he rehired on saturday. Which would make him a WWE Superstar on sunday which should have resulted in the board just firing Big Show for real. This fuckup was so big they had to do a WWE.com video just to explain it. Big Show is surprisingly hostile for a guy just doing it to keep his job, even though as Cena explained, Chris Alt's daughter would have just rehired him after Laurinaitis got fired. CONTINUITY~! Anyway, Show is revealed to be Cena's opponent for No Way Out, which is one of those Pay Per Views whose title can be awkwardly forced into a promo, as Big Show demonstrates with "There will be No Way Out, because I'm gonna knock you out!". If it were up to me, WWE Superstars would have to do that with ALL Pay Per View titles.
Example: "I hope you're ready Punk, because this Sunday, I certainly won't be treating you with TLC!"
or
"Rest assured, I'm going to take your title, and after that I will indeed have a LOT of Money In The Bank."
or
"This Sunday...you're gonna get Survivor Series'd"
David Otunga challenges Cena to a match. John threatens to actually hurt Otunga if he comes down there, but David is pretty confident that can't happen because this is a fixed point in time. He forgets though that TIME CAN BE REWRITTEN, and gets quickly squashed and made to tap out to the STF(not even lasting as long as Laurinaitis did in the hold the previous night). Afterwards, Cena won't let the hold go. I was really hoping he'd keep it on long enough that Otunga would regenerate. It's time for a female Otunga. That's not to be however as Cena is attacked by The Useless Black Guys From NXT and The Useless White Guys From Superstars. This is almost too much for Cena...what, really? It IS almost too much for him? Huh. Anyway, Sheamus saves the day! This prompts Laurinaitis to book Cena and Sheamus in a 3 on 2 handicap lumberjack match. Something that overbooked no doubt has to have something really important on the line, right?
Nope.
Ricardo Rodriguez starts to do his introduction for ADR when Santino interrupts, insults he's a better ring announcer than Ricardo and hijacks the gig, giving ADR an insulting intro. Then we of course got ADR vs. Santino.
Nope. ADR vs. Orton. Santino had absolutely nothing to do with this match and no reason whatsoever to interrupt. And they say the US Title is underutilised. This match ends in DQ when Chris Jericho attacks Randy, and keeps on attacking him and saying he's the Best In The World At What He Does. If what he does is kicking Randy Orton's face in, then he'll get no complaints from me.
WWE seems to think 1000 episodes is an unmatched accomplishment in television history. Um, aren't there daytime soap operas with at least 10 times as many episodes as that? And if you think lasting longer than a show starring LASSIE is something to brag about, I pity you.
Next is a segment where Daniel Bryan argues that he made Punk tap out. Punk points out he got the pin before that though and introduces Kane as Bryan's opponent for the evening. Even though Punk showed the footage beforehand, King for some reason thinks that Kane only figured out that Bryan was the one that hit him with the chair during this very match. Anyway, Bryan gets the shit kicked out of him by Kane, who sadly does NOT urge him to "EMBRACE THE STEAK, BRYAN!", before Punk makes him tap with the Anaconda Vice.
Some funny Punk reactions to AJ's craziness backstage, before Christian faces Jinder Mahal, who takes the time to put his headgear into a protective box. King makes fun of this, because if you aren't american, anything you do is game for mockery, amirite? King should also know that any sentence that begins with "I'm not trying to be offensive..." is probably one you shouldn't finish.
Beth Pheonix defeated Kelly Kelly, who cames to the ring wearing a polkadot bikini, which on Kelly's figure is kind of trippy, as it looks like two massive starfields moving down the ramp.
We get WWE Superstar twitter reactions to Big Show's shocking betrayal, and I'm dismayed to see that even in twitter form, Santino still speaks in broken english. I don't mean he has grammatical problems like you'd expect someone writing in another language, but that he actually writes like how he SPEAKS. I'd check out Yoshi Tatsu's, but I'm afraid it'll read "Big Show blought much dishonour to himserf when he sided with Raulinaitis! Shame on you, Paur Wight!"
Finally, it's main event time! It's a shame that Cena's got THIS particular ginger as his partner as Cam Gullet is certainly more experienced being surrounded by a bunch of lumberjacks who want to do bad things to him. I really hope I'm wrong in my suspicion from this match that Sheamus' next feud will be with Tensai. Anyway, this match ends in a massive schmozz as every face comes out to fight every heel as Cena runs backstage. Laurinaitis reminds him he can't be touched, leaving Cena fuming, and allowing Big Show to come out of nowhere and knock him out with the WMD. Because Big Show is known for his amazing powers of stealth and sneakiness after all. I heard Knucklehead 2 takes advantage of this by having his character become a ninja.
That's it, gents. Take care.
Stu.
P.S. In all seriousness, congratulations to El Serpiente Enmascarada, or as Nate Corbitt refers to him "the first international winner". Gee, thanks asshole. I guess you must be the 8th Dwarf, Douchey. A very begrudging PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Adam Dan
Hey, guys. Does Adam Dan really suck, or what?
I mean, he doesn't even watch wrestling any more, so what the fuck is he
doing writing in to a wrestling podcast?
He marks out for Sean O'Haire? Really?
He was laid off and jobless for 4 whole months? What a fucking loser.
He's so pathetic that Hodgkin's Lymphoma left his body because it couldn't
put up with all his other bullshit. He's probably got herpes and syphilis
and other STD's, too, from having butt-sex with guys like Cam Gullet.
CAMS-ASS.CDC!!!
Adam is also such a complete fucking loser that his wife doesn't let him
get on the computer while she's home because she caught him looking at porn
once 8 years ago. I guess we know who wears the man-pants in that
relationship. GATORSWIFE.PEG!!!
Jesus Horseradish Christ, Adam Dan. He really needs to grow some fucking
balls and get a life. And that curve in his dick can't be comfortable for
the ladies. ELBOWDICKS.XXX!!!
Ciao,
-Adam
P.S. I hear JB King is looking forward to having his entrails rectally
rearranged by Cam and his Navy buddies. INVERTEDFART.ROB!!!
Cam
After losing his Intercontinnental Championship to the dastardly cancerous Adam "Eats his own shit" Dan last week, what's "Dashing" Cam Gullett doing in the Impact Zone?
So I was unable to retain last week, but that won't stop me from invoking my rematch clause after signing up with A.W. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to rope Rosa Mendes into making the letter "H" with Primo and I. LatinStreetHookers.com!
So Over the limit happened and it wasn't the fucking gigantic waste of time that I thought it would. In other words it was the complete opposite of how DevSop feels when he finds out a girl actually IS over the age of consent. DevSop.com!
I assume that Adam Dan didn't get to watch it, but only because his cable or satellite provider does not accept food stamps to pay for a PPV. Welfare.gov!
While watching the opening battle royal, I coined a new tag team name for Darren O'Young and Titus Neil: The Minstrels of Darkness. NAACP.org!
Punk vs Bryan was an instant classic and probably good enough for me to buy the dvd just to see it again even though that finish left a lot to be desired. Kinda like Adam's white blood cell count. PleaseJustKillHim.NoSeriously.com!
After watching Raw I can't decide if I am more pissed off that there are bigger holes in this Johnny vs John storyline than Chyna's gaping vagina or that it seems like they are setting up a Kane vs Daniel Bryan story. Who the fuck is telling them that these are good ideas? Is it the same doctor that talked Adam Dan's mom out of that abortion she so desperately wanted? PlannedParenthood.org!
Did I win yet? As a possible consolation gift can I at least get The Disco Inferno's entrance music? Thanks guys.
Cam Gullett, your friendly neighborhood racist/rapist/raging homosexual/sociopath/son of a dead whore/truck driver fellatio specialist/co-host of the amazing Army of Dorkness!
JB King
I really hope Andy is reading this email. Not because I don’t enjoy the sound of Chris’s sweet soft voice, but because I want to see if we can go 2 weeks strait on spit takes. Sorry for ruining the one of only 5 labtops left in Arkansas. Switch if you have to and lets get started.
Hey guys gotta say first off thanks for the Conway theme song, always wanted to here Adam Dan do his Randy Newman impression while fighting throat cancer. Dan Slam? Alright cool moving on. Well it looks like I lose again this week. I don’t blame Cliff’s campaign though, that would mean he actually has some influence around here. I’d love to tell him he will never win again but like Nate Corbitt in a 5K run, I just don’t have the heart to do it (PUNSHOUSE.COM).
Jesus Christ, how many more flavor of weeks do I have to beat to win this pointless contest? Like Cams boner while looking at a naked woman, this is very hard to keep up. Worst of all I lost to a fake Mexican. Congratulation retards you just voted Camacho as your new world champion. Is that really what does it for you guys? Bad Spanish? Hell I did that in the same week with Sin Cara Gigante. Hey Andy since the viewers love fake Mexicans that steal 3 month old played out jokes so much see if you can get Carlos Mencia on here. Do they even have Mexicans in Arkansas Chris? When was the last time you saw one outside of Cam blowing the school janitor when you went to go pick up your kids?
Or maybe I should blame the geniuses behind the voting system. Good idea Andy lets get two votes in there! Har Har I’ll vote for Snake too because he has no chance of winning anyway! WHOOPS! That was about as good as an idea when you started rocking that pubic chin strap you have going. Or when Cam decided to get a tattoo on his ass that just said “Free Aids” on it. I wouldn’t fuck Cams vaginal ass with Maxine’s dick. I haven’t seen such retardation since Adam Dan’s car was being taken away on repo games.
“Ok Adam last question, A atom is one of the smallest particles in existence, name something smaller than that."
Dan: Ummm, my white cell count?
"Hey listen, do you want me to repossess your sarcasm too?"
...And now you know the rest of the story. PS. The correct answer is either Nate Corbitt or Bryan Van Amberalert’s compulsion in a school playground.
Well sounds like you guys need a breather so lets get to the questions!
Question 1: John Cena lost the match at Over the Limit after Big Show cost him the match. I haven’t seen an asshole get fisted that hard since Cam turned his sex tape into America’s funniest home videos. So he blows the big PPV and then decides to bail on Sheamus Monday. Way to go hero! No wonder seabiscuit left him. So I have to choose between that or Big Show?He just cries and repeats the same demands as always. If I wanted to listen to a blubbering bitch beat a dead horse I would just watch Martha Hart call WWE for more royalties. Anyway thoughts?
Question 2: Whats Alexander Shelton doing in the imp…oh wait. Yes like Chris said from MNF, it seems a lot of TNA stars are jumping ship. From Shelly, to possibly Ric Flair and Matt Morgan. I have also heard WWE was looking to sign Austin Aries finally. In any case, how hilarious of a rib would it be if A Double debuted on Smackdown as Jacob Cass? Also, is this going to be a domino effect in the next several months? If Alex goes then Sabin might go, which means his lady Velvet Sky will go and so on. Except Joe, no one wants Joe because like Steiner said…HES FAT! Thoughts on this possibility or are we getting way ahead of ourselves?
Question 3: Where was Brodus Clay 6 years ago to cheer up Chris Benoit after Eddie died? Im sure if he turned to Funk instead of Jesus we would have seen a text to Chavo saying “Party @ my house! 2143 Greenville Lane. Atlanta, Georg….oh wait that was last week. Sorry. Ok then. Who is looking forward to Ryback vs Brodus Clay at Summerslam? Im sure they will both be undefeated by the time it happens. It will be the best streak vs streak gimmick since Naked Mideon faced Pooped Stain Patterson. Get it? Streaker vs shit str…ah fuck it. Anyway they both need a BIG win. Brodus cant just keep beating Miz and Ryback cant just keep beating random jobber and scream out FEED ME MORE! Which despite what Stu said he did not borrow from Kelly Kelly, but instead were the last words of Cams Mom before chocking on Tigers dick. In all seriousness If Ryback were to land his finisher on Brodus It would make him look like a incredible threat. I know Big Man vs Big Man aint your cup of tea, but just wanted your thoughts if it were to happen.
Question 4: I think its hilarious on what happened to Chyna, or as you may call it, Cam in drag. I would have loved to see how that played out as Chyna is passed out over a table. “Excuse me sir you dick is showing and OH MY GAWD!” I guess she hasn’t been the same since Nate quit as being her tampon. (PUNS HOUSE .COM) Anyway she is pretty high up on my deadpool list. Who is on your top 3?
Well looks like Im done here. I haven’t gone into a Scott Hall downfall just yet but we will see. Im also looking forward to hearing other podcasts like Gamer and Proud and TV for Vendetta. I know Bryan picked Chris as his co-host because of the giggling school girl thing he has going, and not just because they are going to be family in 4 years. I just hope it doesn’t drag longer than the bodies in the back of his van. That’s good old Bryans modo, They don’t need to get there period in order to bleed. (BRYANSVAN.RAPE)
Too drunk to go on…
Love Peace and penis grease
Johnny
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Serpiente
Hola Señor Andy y Señor Chris!
Gracias Ricardo Rodriquez por la presentación de la Serpiente Enmascarada!
La terrible noticia. Rosa Mendes se encontraba en un accidente de tráfico?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
Di una oración del Ave María de Rosa.
Hola Señor Stu!
Los Estados Unidos de América v Escocia en el fútbol! No me gusta Escocia fútbol. USA! USA! USA!
El coche de Escocia, Craig Levein, es una puta. USA! USA! USA!
Escocia fútbol es insignificante como "Wait Til Next Year" USA! USA! USA!
Señor Chris: La señorita Maxine es realmente el señor Maxine. Maxine es un hombre con un PENE!!!
Hola Señor Dustin Faber.
Yo soy un hombre buen Católico. Jesucristo es mi salvador.
No me gusta Brian VanAlstyne. Brian es un hombre muy malo.
Él va al infierno y el diablo se lo castigue.
Brian tiene una erección viendo Dora la Exploradora.
Señor Andy: ¿Prefiere Dos Equis, Corona, o Negra Modelo?
BUENO ES BIG SHOW? Juan Ceña es mucho mejor. Big Show se convertirá en Minúsculo Show.
Minúsculo Show? Minúsculo Show! PUNS CASA del COM!
Buenas Noches,
El Serpiente Enmascarada!
P.S.
"Cam Gullett" en Español es "Leva Garganta".
"Leva Garganta" en Gringo Inglés es "Lever Throat" o "Long Shaft in Throat"
Dustin
Greetings Overlords,
The idea gets floated around every now and then, but could you see a future in which wrestlers across the different federations actually form a union, like other professional sports? The benefits are obvious: Better wages, healthcare, and a better on-screen product. However, I could see bookers punishing union guys by promoting non-union wrestlers, making joining a union dangerous to one's career in a sense.
What are your thoughts?
Other musings:
• When Teddy Long was GM of Smackdown, he had a photo of MLK Jr. hanging up. When Johnny Ace took over, the photo was removed. Subtle racism or an oversight?
• When Ryback was competing at OTL, there were fans chanting Goldberg at the guy. Seems like a jerk move to do: Who cares if he reminds you of a 90s wrestler who hasn't competed in ages? Chants like this just make those fans sound like they're desperate for attention. But maybe I'm just being mean.
• What is your favorite finisher of all time? My favorite is the stunner, for the simple fact that you can hit it at any time in any place: Other moves like the tombstone, AA and GTS are more difficult to hit on larger people, causing you to forfeit part of your aresnal when facing a giant.
Keep up the good work and God bless,
Dustin
Alan
Hey asshats,
I'm sure with your incredible knowledge of professional wrestling, you'll be able to explain this:
Why is Santino's cobra sleeve not a foreign object? If he pulled a roll of quarters from his tights and hit someone in the head, he'd get DQed. The Assassin always hid the metal block he stuffed in his mask before headbutting opponents. What's the difference? And why doesn't a ref just search Santino before the bell and take the sleeve away from him?
But if the sleeve is somehow not a foreign object, why doesn't Santino just wear it into the ring? Does the sleeve gain special powers by being stashed in Santino's groin? If that's the case, how did Santino figure that out and Blackjack Mulligan, who wore a special black glove for his Claw, never did? Are you telling me Santino is smarter than Blackjack Mulligan?
I can't figure this out. But surely you two know the answer, just like you know who drove the Hummer, who raised the briefcase and why the pinata fell from the pole.
Thanks,
Alan Capps
Masked Man
Thank God that Cam isn't the IC title holder anymore. I'd rather go shopping for strap-on dildos with Donnie and Marie Osmond than envision Cam with any kind of success. Fuck his very existence.
Adam, you ugly motherfucker! Holy shit, when Adam was a kid he was so ugly, Sandusky had to wear a blindfold. The only reason he is cancer free is because AIDS evicted that horrible disease after a night with Chris's sister.
Adam is a terrible person and a horrible human being. To have an idea of what awful fucker he is, envision a billy goat shitting on an infant child's balls, and you'll have an idea of the garbage that is Adam's soul.
Adam, please stop writing emails. You have the appeal of a school bus fire.
Oh yeah, and the Punk-AJ-Bryan storyline could be epic. Should be a fun summer if they give those guys a feud. The exact opposite of anything the Big Show does. Seeing him on TV is the equivalent of Cam pissing in your ass. No fun for anyone.
Sincerely,
The Masked Man.
Gran Serpiente
¿Quién es Serpeinte Enmascarada? Yo soy la serpiente sólo .... GRAN SERPIENTE!
Serpiente Enmascarada es un pedazo de mierda. No es humorístico. Tiene testículos pequeños, como dos Nate Corbitts... PUNS-CASA.MEX!!!
También, Señor Cliff, Señor Fred, y Señor Dustin son mis compadres. Pero no JB Keeng. Le encanta las vacas como Brie Bella y Kelly Kelly. ROBS-CHIMICHANGA.AyeDiosMio!!!
Finalmente, Señor Gullet es una perra pequeña. Por favor, mueran en un infierno. CAMS-CULO.AIDS!!!
Larga vida y prosperidad!
-EL GRAN SERPIENTE
PD: Espero que a Adam Dan obtiene un cáncer nuevo.
Adam Dan
Hey, guys! I can't get enough of the "Hey Ya!" extended cut that's circulating around the Flawedcast Network. Do you guys think you could hook a loyal fan up and play it again?
Thanks in advance! You guys are the best!
Cliff
---Live via Satellite on The Titan Tron---
Hey guys,
Sorry I can’t be appearing live this week, but I’m on the set of The Marine 3, so I’ll need to keep this brief.
So what happened to the new rule? In the last week, you added exactly zero new comments on iTunes, and you let the Impact Zone of Pun's House vote in Serpiente Marella as your new Heavyweight Champion. If only you had listened to me....
Oh well. It’s probably for the best. If Andy had actually declared everyone else ineligible and created a poll with only two options, we’d probably be discussing our new Heavyweight Champion “Mabey”.
But it was a good three week run for me that included the inaugural IC belt, a world title belt, being regularly mentioned as one of the "Big 3" with Stu and JB King, and being able to contribute last weeks Male Bag, which is considered by all to be the best yet.
I'll be busy for a few weeks, so I'll just sit back and enjoy the heavyweight matchup between Stu and JB King. I agree that JB King's email last week was epic, and I don't know how he will follow it up, but I'm certainly looking forward to it.
My question: Let's just skip over No Way Out and look ahead to Money In The Bank. Who should get a briefcase? And who will actually get a briefcase? Rhodes and Ziggler are probably the obvious choices if you are going to promote a new name to the title picture.
Thanks again,
Cliffs Notes
Stu
Hey guys,
Well, the field sure is heating up around here. I thought it was bad enough having all the regular guys coming after my title, but now I have to compete with a MEXICAN? There should be a law against him stealing spots from us hard-working decent contributors. He doesn't even speak the language! Can you arrange for a firewall to be built around the site so no more of his e-mails get through any more?
Thanks to Scott Taylor for a bonus TNA recap in last week's Male Bag. I really needed to go take a shit, but was afraid to pause the stream in case this slightest attempt at treating the site like it was robust and usable caused it to crash, so you really helped me out of a jam.
How does a Scotsman know a Dallas reference? We DO have televisions here, you know. Some of your classic tv does make it across the pond. In fact, several of YOUR programmes( such as Sanford and Son, All In The Family, Three's Company) are actually remakes of OUR shows. The Alice reference is more known from it being referenced in other shows, and usually with a character who IS a truckstop waitress. Of course, not everything made it over here, so don't expect me to be spouting "DY-NO-MIIIIIITE!" all the time or anything.
Raw's going to go 3 hours long? Jee. Sus. I'll need to start drinking to get through it. Which could either make my output worse due to increased sloppiness, or better as my inhibitions lower and I start following suit with the other contributors and become a real arsehole in my putdowns. I mean, I'm one of the few not stooping to the Nate Corbitt-in-a-ditch level of bringing Cam's mother into this, and not just because she was nice enough to give me 50% off on that last blowjob. I gotta say, even though it was a discount, she didn't slack off. She really earned that quarter. Oh no, it's starting already- WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!
Smackdown this week opened with Johnny Ace coming out to try to appeal to the WWE Universe's sympathies, asking for their prayers for his upcoming match with Cena because he's not as "flexible" as he used to be. Thank God. We don't need the Johnny Ace Illustrated Karma Sutra...Volume 2. You know the real reason he has that problem with his voice is because "The Laurinaitis" is a deepthroat technique he perfected convincing Vince to give him his job. Anyhoo, he's interrupted by CM Punk, making an appearance on SD the very same week I complained about his absence. You see the sort of influence I have? That's why I need to be the E-Mail of the Week Champion. Punk gloats about Johnny's predicament, causing Johnny to book him in a match later on against Kane. Punk isn't too bothered by this, saying at least he respects Kane. That's right. CM Punk respects a father murdering, sadistic, sometimes-pyromaniacal psychopath...more than he does Chris Brown. Which I can kind of understand. I mean, when Kane got Lita pregnant by forcing her to have sex with him and later had her marry him against her will, at least there was no indication that he ever hit her. He's got SOME redeeming qualities.
Tyler Perry Presents a Tag Team defeated Young and O'Neil, ending the team's epic 2 match winning streak. Most notable thing about this match was Booker T saying he could see Little Jimmy. I don't know what to make of that. It can't just be a black person thing, since Kofi can't see LJ, and Camacho, a samoan who believes he's mexican could since he was able to slap the little guy. Is Little Jimmy like Al the Hologram from Quantum Leap, and aside from Truth, only children and people with mental problems can see him?
Damian Sandow takes on Yoshi Tatsu...eventually. At first, he says Yoshi is "beneath" him as an opponent so won't be taking him on. So in addition to being a snob, he's a racist. Faaantastic. Unfortunately for him though, Tatsu has seen the Back To The Future movies, so he calls Sandow a chicken, and gets a sudden ass whooping for his trouble. Though Sandow just leaves after laying him out, not getting a pin, so I don't think it counts for anything. It's funny too that Sandow earlier showed disdain for Zack Ryder, since the colour scheme of his wrestling gear was WAY more metrosexual than anything Zack's ever wore.
Next, Sheamus and Randy Orton have the most passive aggressive promo EVER! They don't directly name names, just keep saying "unlike SOME people". But who am I to judge? I'm not a WWE main eventer, so maybe I could learn a thing or two from their style. I may be a talking mouse, but I'VE never needed a trampoline to open my mailbox, unlike SOME people. PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Daniel Bryan defeated Zack Ryder in a match that I actually wouldn't call a squash, but it wasn't very long and Bryan definitely dominated.
Bryan stayed to interfere in the Punk-Kane match, framing the Straight Edge Messiah for a chairshot on Kane, who was so hurt by this from a man who said he respected him that he went nuts on Punk, leaving him battered.
Santino beats Cody. Sure. Why not?
Sheamus and Randy Orton have a hard fought match, that ends with Sheamus getting the pin with a rollup. This combination of a redhead and a schoolboy was much more successful than Cam Gullet and DevSop's first and only "home movie" collaboration.
With sunday, came Over The Limit. I tuned into the pre-show too late to see Kane and Ryder's match, but I assume it ended with Ryder getting the win using a corkscrew 360 Ruff Ryder off the top of a ladder. I did see a backstage segment when Santino and Cody Rhodes bicker over their respective titles importance. Santino refers to Cody's belt as "The Incontinence Title", which is a terrible gaffe on his part as that's the name TNA will be changing THEIR title to, given the average age of their main eventers. Eve interjects to set up a battle royale with the winner receiving a shot at the title of their choosing.
Said Battle Royale opened the show, and it featured quite a field of competitors. There's not been that many guys occupying one ring since Cam Gullet had a coupon day down at the docks. The match is won by the returning Christian. Yay!
The Tag Titles were on the line next as Kofi and R Truth defended against The Jack Offs. It was a pretty good match actually, only hampered by King's bizarre obsession with Vickie's navel. Because as a middle aged woman and mother, she clearly deserves to be mocked for not having a flawless figure. Anyway, Kofi and R Truth retain.
Backstage, Eve gives Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins the terribly important task going through the crowd and confiscating any signs that make fun of John Laurinaitis' voice. It's nice they gave them something to do...but don't WWE already have staff for that purpose? King also reacts with indignation, saying free speech should allow people to say what they want with their signs. So, if there's an influx of "Fuck You Orton" and "Damien Sandow Raped My Mom" signs, it's WWE's own fault.
Divas Champship match next, which began with a video flashing back a month to show the Bellas losing the title to Layla. It was a nice nostalgic moment, though only having a Standard Definition TV, I only to see half of Nikki on screen. This was actually another pretty good outing. Layla's clearly been working hard and I wouldn't mind seeing a rematch . Too bad the crowd for this was dead. Layla retained.
With the Diva's match over, now was time for the REAL piss break as Randy....Orton cut a promo. What's great about those things is that you can go to the bathroom, wash your hands, buy a new drink, a hot dog, a t-shirt, go back to your seat and read your programme twice over before he's even finished saying his own name. He's interrupted by Jericho who says he's going to win because he's the best in the world at what he does. Orton says after tonight tonight, Jericho will be the best in the world at being beaten by him. I think actually the english language already holds that distinction, Randy.
The Four Way World Championship match was pretty good and never boring. Something always seemed to be going on. Sheamus retains.
Miz took on Brodus Clay. Poor, poor Miz.
#CHRISTIAN!
CHRISTIAN!
AT LAST YOU'VE GOT MORE GOOOOOOOOOOOOLD!
CM Punk and Bryan was awesome as expected. The only exception being Punk's Vince McMahon impression in the interview beforehand.
Ryback destroyed Camacho, then just to be a jerk, kicked the lowrider bike over. Come on, buddy! Haven't you learned anything from the B A Star campaign?
Finally came the moment we were dreading as John Cena took on John Laurinaitis. Actually, it wasn't THAT bad. There were some genuinely funny moments, it just went on far too long, ending when Big Show made the SHOCKING decision to betray John Cena and knock him out. DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!
Of course, my and a lot of other people's problem with this was that if this was Big Show's plan all along...why the fuck did he wait so long to do anything? Cena could have beaten Laurinaitis at any time! There's two possible explanations:
1. Paul Wight knew when the right time to make his move would be because he's psychic, which would result in him becoming The Medium Show.
or
2. The Bow Tie isn't just for fashion reasons. David Otunga IS a Timelord, and used his TARDIS to go ahead in time to find out how the match would go and tipped Big Show off. I'm going with that. It could also explain how Brodus Clay got from Planet Funk to Earth. I'd even suggest David Otunga has always been a WWE Superstar, but we just don't remember because of the Cracks in the universe. I know 93.8% of the other listeners don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, including Chris, but do you have any idea how many american sports references go over my head listening to the Flawedcast Network or reading the bOOards? I regret nothing...well except that Cam Gullet probably gets the joke too.
Overall though, a pretty good PPV, with the bonus in the UK that it was one of the "free" ones, as in not on PPV, but just on the cable sports channels in my package.
Raw begins with angry shouty Cena seemingly in the midst of a nervous breakdown in the aftermath of Over The Limit. Laurinaitis comes out on a buggy and then a crutch, because he's got as much of a problem walking as Cam Gullet does after entertaining a frat house. He introduces the Big Show, who he says he rehired on saturday. Which would make him a WWE Superstar on sunday which should have resulted in the board just firing Big Show for real. This fuckup was so big they had to do a WWE.com video just to explain it. Big Show is surprisingly hostile for a guy just doing it to keep his job, even though as Cena explained, Chris Alt's daughter would have just rehired him after Laurinaitis got fired. CONTINUITY~! Anyway, Show is revealed to be Cena's opponent for No Way Out, which is one of those Pay Per Views whose title can be awkwardly forced into a promo, as Big Show demonstrates with "There will be No Way Out, because I'm gonna knock you out!". If it were up to me, WWE Superstars would have to do that with ALL Pay Per View titles.
Example: "I hope you're ready Punk, because this Sunday, I certainly won't be treating you with TLC!"
or
"Rest assured, I'm going to take your title, and after that I will indeed have a LOT of Money In The Bank."
or
"This Sunday...you're gonna get Survivor Series'd"
David Otunga challenges Cena to a match. John threatens to actually hurt Otunga if he comes down there, but David is pretty confident that can't happen because this is a fixed point in time. He forgets though that TIME CAN BE REWRITTEN, and gets quickly squashed and made to tap out to the STF(not even lasting as long as Laurinaitis did in the hold the previous night). Afterwards, Cena won't let the hold go. I was really hoping he'd keep it on long enough that Otunga would regenerate. It's time for a female Otunga. That's not to be however as Cena is attacked by The Useless Black Guys From NXT and The Useless White Guys From Superstars. This is almost too much for Cena...what, really? It IS almost too much for him? Huh. Anyway, Sheamus saves the day! This prompts Laurinaitis to book Cena and Sheamus in a 3 on 2 handicap lumberjack match. Something that overbooked no doubt has to have something really important on the line, right?
Nope.
Ricardo Rodriguez starts to do his introduction for ADR when Santino interrupts, insults he's a better ring announcer than Ricardo and hijacks the gig, giving ADR an insulting intro. Then we of course got ADR vs. Santino.
Nope. ADR vs. Orton. Santino had absolutely nothing to do with this match and no reason whatsoever to interrupt. And they say the US Title is underutilised. This match ends in DQ when Chris Jericho attacks Randy, and keeps on attacking him and saying he's the Best In The World At What He Does. If what he does is kicking Randy Orton's face in, then he'll get no complaints from me.
WWE seems to think 1000 episodes is an unmatched accomplishment in television history. Um, aren't there daytime soap operas with at least 10 times as many episodes as that? And if you think lasting longer than a show starring LASSIE is something to brag about, I pity you.
Next is a segment where Daniel Bryan argues that he made Punk tap out. Punk points out he got the pin before that though and introduces Kane as Bryan's opponent for the evening. Even though Punk showed the footage beforehand, King for some reason thinks that Kane only figured out that Bryan was the one that hit him with the chair during this very match. Anyway, Bryan gets the shit kicked out of him by Kane, who sadly does NOT urge him to "EMBRACE THE STEAK, BRYAN!", before Punk makes him tap with the Anaconda Vice.
Some funny Punk reactions to AJ's craziness backstage, before Christian faces Jinder Mahal, who takes the time to put his headgear into a protective box. King makes fun of this, because if you aren't american, anything you do is game for mockery, amirite? King should also know that any sentence that begins with "I'm not trying to be offensive..." is probably one you shouldn't finish.
Beth Pheonix defeated Kelly Kelly, who cames to the ring wearing a polkadot bikini, which on Kelly's figure is kind of trippy, as it looks like two massive starfields moving down the ramp.
We get WWE Superstar twitter reactions to Big Show's shocking betrayal, and I'm dismayed to see that even in twitter form, Santino still speaks in broken english. I don't mean he has grammatical problems like you'd expect someone writing in another language, but that he actually writes like how he SPEAKS. I'd check out Yoshi Tatsu's, but I'm afraid it'll read "Big Show blought much dishonour to himserf when he sided with Raulinaitis! Shame on you, Paur Wight!"
Finally, it's main event time! It's a shame that Cena's got THIS particular ginger as his partner as Cam Gullet is certainly more experienced being surrounded by a bunch of lumberjacks who want to do bad things to him. I really hope I'm wrong in my suspicion from this match that Sheamus' next feud will be with Tensai. Anyway, this match ends in a massive schmozz as every face comes out to fight every heel as Cena runs backstage. Laurinaitis reminds him he can't be touched, leaving Cena fuming, and allowing Big Show to come out of nowhere and knock him out with the WMD. Because Big Show is known for his amazing powers of stealth and sneakiness after all. I heard Knucklehead 2 takes advantage of this by having his character become a ninja.
That's it, gents. Take care.
Stu.
P.S. In all seriousness, congratulations to El Serpiente Enmascarada, or as Nate Corbitt refers to him "the first international winner". Gee, thanks asshole. I guess you must be the 8th Dwarf, Douchey. A very begrudging PUNSHOUSE.COM!
Adam Dan
Hey, guys. Does Adam Dan really suck, or what?
I mean, he doesn't even watch wrestling any more, so what the fuck is he
doing writing in to a wrestling podcast?
He marks out for Sean O'Haire? Really?
He was laid off and jobless for 4 whole months? What a fucking loser.
He's so pathetic that Hodgkin's Lymphoma left his body because it couldn't
put up with all his other bullshit. He's probably got herpes and syphilis
and other STD's, too, from having butt-sex with guys like Cam Gullet.
CAMS-ASS.CDC!!!
Adam is also such a complete fucking loser that his wife doesn't let him
get on the computer while she's home because she caught him looking at porn
once 8 years ago. I guess we know who wears the man-pants in that
relationship. GATORSWIFE.PEG!!!
Jesus Horseradish Christ, Adam Dan. He really needs to grow some fucking
balls and get a life. And that curve in his dick can't be comfortable for
the ladies. ELBOWDICKS.XXX!!!
Ciao,
-Adam
P.S. I hear JB King is looking forward to having his entrails rectally
rearranged by Cam and his Navy buddies. INVERTEDFART.ROB!!!
Cam
After losing his Intercontinnental Championship to the dastardly cancerous Adam "Eats his own shit" Dan last week, what's "Dashing" Cam Gullett doing in the Impact Zone?
So I was unable to retain last week, but that won't stop me from invoking my rematch clause after signing up with A.W. You wouldn't believe how easy it is to rope Rosa Mendes into making the letter "H" with Primo and I. LatinStreetHookers.com!
So Over the limit happened and it wasn't the fucking gigantic waste of time that I thought it would. In other words it was the complete opposite of how DevSop feels when he finds out a girl actually IS over the age of consent. DevSop.com!
I assume that Adam Dan didn't get to watch it, but only because his cable or satellite provider does not accept food stamps to pay for a PPV. Welfare.gov!
While watching the opening battle royal, I coined a new tag team name for Darren O'Young and Titus Neil: The Minstrels of Darkness. NAACP.org!
Punk vs Bryan was an instant classic and probably good enough for me to buy the dvd just to see it again even though that finish left a lot to be desired. Kinda like Adam's white blood cell count. PleaseJustKillHim.NoSeriously.com!
After watching Raw I can't decide if I am more pissed off that there are bigger holes in this Johnny vs John storyline than Chyna's gaping vagina or that it seems like they are setting up a Kane vs Daniel Bryan story. Who the fuck is telling them that these are good ideas? Is it the same doctor that talked Adam Dan's mom out of that abortion she so desperately wanted? PlannedParenthood.org!
Did I win yet? As a possible consolation gift can I at least get The Disco Inferno's entrance music? Thanks guys.
Cam Gullett, your friendly neighborhood racist/rapist/raging homosexual/sociopath/son of a dead whore/truck driver fellatio specialist/co-host of the amazing Army of Dorkness!
JB King
I really hope Andy is reading this email. Not because I don’t enjoy the sound of Chris’s sweet soft voice, but because I want to see if we can go 2 weeks strait on spit takes. Sorry for ruining the one of only 5 labtops left in Arkansas. Switch if you have to and lets get started.
Hey guys gotta say first off thanks for the Conway theme song, always wanted to here Adam Dan do his Randy Newman impression while fighting throat cancer. Dan Slam? Alright cool moving on. Well it looks like I lose again this week. I don’t blame Cliff’s campaign though, that would mean he actually has some influence around here. I’d love to tell him he will never win again but like Nate Corbitt in a 5K run, I just don’t have the heart to do it (PUNSHOUSE.COM).
Jesus Christ, how many more flavor of weeks do I have to beat to win this pointless contest? Like Cams boner while looking at a naked woman, this is very hard to keep up. Worst of all I lost to a fake Mexican. Congratulation retards you just voted Camacho as your new world champion. Is that really what does it for you guys? Bad Spanish? Hell I did that in the same week with Sin Cara Gigante. Hey Andy since the viewers love fake Mexicans that steal 3 month old played out jokes so much see if you can get Carlos Mencia on here. Do they even have Mexicans in Arkansas Chris? When was the last time you saw one outside of Cam blowing the school janitor when you went to go pick up your kids?
Or maybe I should blame the geniuses behind the voting system. Good idea Andy lets get two votes in there! Har Har I’ll vote for Snake too because he has no chance of winning anyway! WHOOPS! That was about as good as an idea when you started rocking that pubic chin strap you have going. Or when Cam decided to get a tattoo on his ass that just said “Free Aids” on it. I wouldn’t fuck Cams vaginal ass with Maxine’s dick. I haven’t seen such retardation since Adam Dan’s car was being taken away on repo games.
“Ok Adam last question, A atom is one of the smallest particles in existence, name something smaller than that."
Dan: Ummm, my white cell count?
"Hey listen, do you want me to repossess your sarcasm too?"
...And now you know the rest of the story. PS. The correct answer is either Nate Corbitt or Bryan Van Amberalert’s compulsion in a school playground.
Well sounds like you guys need a breather so lets get to the questions!
Question 1: John Cena lost the match at Over the Limit after Big Show cost him the match. I haven’t seen an asshole get fisted that hard since Cam turned his sex tape into America’s funniest home videos. So he blows the big PPV and then decides to bail on Sheamus Monday. Way to go hero! No wonder seabiscuit left him. So I have to choose between that or Big Show?He just cries and repeats the same demands as always. If I wanted to listen to a blubbering bitch beat a dead horse I would just watch Martha Hart call WWE for more royalties. Anyway thoughts?
Question 2: Whats Alexander Shelton doing in the imp…oh wait. Yes like Chris said from MNF, it seems a lot of TNA stars are jumping ship. From Shelly, to possibly Ric Flair and Matt Morgan. I have also heard WWE was looking to sign Austin Aries finally. In any case, how hilarious of a rib would it be if A Double debuted on Smackdown as Jacob Cass? Also, is this going to be a domino effect in the next several months? If Alex goes then Sabin might go, which means his lady Velvet Sky will go and so on. Except Joe, no one wants Joe because like Steiner said…HES FAT! Thoughts on this possibility or are we getting way ahead of ourselves?
Question 3: Where was Brodus Clay 6 years ago to cheer up Chris Benoit after Eddie died? Im sure if he turned to Funk instead of Jesus we would have seen a text to Chavo saying “Party @ my house! 2143 Greenville Lane. Atlanta, Georg….oh wait that was last week. Sorry. Ok then. Who is looking forward to Ryback vs Brodus Clay at Summerslam? Im sure they will both be undefeated by the time it happens. It will be the best streak vs streak gimmick since Naked Mideon faced Pooped Stain Patterson. Get it? Streaker vs shit str…ah fuck it. Anyway they both need a BIG win. Brodus cant just keep beating Miz and Ryback cant just keep beating random jobber and scream out FEED ME MORE! Which despite what Stu said he did not borrow from Kelly Kelly, but instead were the last words of Cams Mom before chocking on Tigers dick. In all seriousness If Ryback were to land his finisher on Brodus It would make him look like a incredible threat. I know Big Man vs Big Man aint your cup of tea, but just wanted your thoughts if it were to happen.
Question 4: I think its hilarious on what happened to Chyna, or as you may call it, Cam in drag. I would have loved to see how that played out as Chyna is passed out over a table. “Excuse me sir you dick is showing and OH MY GAWD!” I guess she hasn’t been the same since Nate quit as being her tampon. (PUNS HOUSE .COM) Anyway she is pretty high up on my deadpool list. Who is on your top 3?
Well looks like Im done here. I haven’t gone into a Scott Hall downfall just yet but we will see. Im also looking forward to hearing other podcasts like Gamer and Proud and TV for Vendetta. I know Bryan picked Chris as his co-host because of the giggling school girl thing he has going, and not just because they are going to be family in 4 years. I just hope it doesn’t drag longer than the bodies in the back of his van. That’s good old Bryans modo, They don’t need to get there period in order to bleed. (BRYANSVAN.RAPE)
Too drunk to go on…
Love Peace and penis grease
Johnny
